Against an orange background, there is a peach with a slit cut down its center, causing the fruit to resemble a vulva.

First Person

Building My Own Masturbation Rituals as a Pleasure Educator

There’s nothing quite as powerful as being in charge of your own pleasure.

An illustrated tree is losing its leaves, which turn into birds as they move away from the tree

Things That Have Mothered Me That Are Not My Mothers

I think of all the things that have taught me lessons and made me the woman I am and feel that, even if my mothers didn’t care for me the way I wanted them to, I still came out on the other side, not unscathed, but survived.

A light skinned person holds a trans flag behind them while facing a bright day. The frame captures the their neck down to their waist. They wear a pink shirt and blue shorts, to match the trans flag, which is blue, pink, and white.

First Person

Finding and Losing My Worth as a Trans Woman

Something had to change, because I’d never be free, be myself, if I kept it up. I decided to take the biggest risk yet, and started transitioning again.

A woman with long, brown hair wearing jeans and a beige sweater sits on the edge of a bed with a white bedspread. She rests her chin on her hand. In the background, there are open windows covered by gauzy white curtains.

First Person

How I Manage the Sexual Side Effects of PTSD

My care team couldn’t help me with the sexual side effects of PTSD — I had to figure this one out on my own.

Autostraddle writer Dani Janae wears a blonde bob wig and black cat eye sunglasses and a cheetah print glove

First Person

Names I Have Been Called

There are so many names I have been called that I now have taken on for myself. Call it reclaiming. I’m not sure what it is but it has largely to do with the work I’ve done on accepting my body for what it is, whether I love it or not.

A trail cuts through the Mojave Desert at sunrise. A Joshua Tree is visible on the left and desert shrubs are visible on either side.

First Person

Fault Lines

She was in the middle of a long divorce, and I had pulverized myself to fit into the life of a secret girlfriend.

A ballerina in a wide white tutu on pointe

First Person

Every Young Queer Crush I Had As A Baby Ballerina

There is, apparently, a ballet child to queer adult pipeline, and I want to come out as a person of queer ballet experience.

Two drawn bodies curled next to each other against a black background

First Person

My Jackie: On Yellowjackets and a Missing Friend

We met when I was 16 and she was 17. We weren’t dating, but we might as well have been. I’ve been thinking about her more than usual lately, ever since I found myself obsessed with Yellowjackets.

A sketched white outline of a person has their hands on their chest, and a light glows where their heart should be.

First Person

Grief Exists in Its Own Time Zone

There’s a reason people say things like “grief isn’t linear,” and “you won’t feel this way forever,” and there’s also a reason it feels like you’re hearing those things through a set of ear muffs when you’re in the moment.

Two drawn people in black ink tilt toward each other with sketched flowers in the background

First Person

We Call It Time Travel

To love someone new is to agree to travel somewhere that doesn’t exist yet together.

A white sketched outline of a person hovers over a curved line. On the other side of the curved line is a drawn figure in black ink.

First Person

To Travel, Like Light

So much of my experience of poetry is wrapped up in time.

A white sketched outline of two people are crouched over a soup pot. One is feeding the other.

First Person

Closing the Distance With a Dash of Salt and Cumin

In the middle of a pandemic, 8,000 miles away from Dhaka, Bangladesh, I craved my favorite dish in the world: beef bhuna, a curry made of tender meat and rich, spice-packed gravy.

Outlines of two human figures float in space with squiggle lines between them

First Person

Time Between Us

My partner and I started our relationship at a distance. C was on Eastern Time. I was on Mountain Time.

a black and white photo of aunt opal in front of a green background with cartoon cabbages

First Person

Aunt Opal and the California Cabbage Fund

“When I asked her if I had to start praying for a husband, she laughed like a bark, like the boss.”

Two Black women are surrounded by a map, two flip phones, and greenery

First Person

The Numbers in My Phone

I tried for a long time not to have a smart phone.

A white person with light skin and long brown hair wears a black blazer and is conducting, with their arms in motion.

First Person Music

The Double Lives of Queer Church Musicians

Many of my colleagues and I have left church music leadership entirely.

Beautiful bright green caterpillar nestled in a purple flower

First Person

Caterpillar Soup: A Trans Girl Finds Her Style

Emme Lund writes about butterflies, fashion, and finding her own sense of style while she moves through her transition.

A pink building stands against a starless night sky with a full moon, and hands reach out. A handwritten note reads "No stars in a city means no room for wishes."

First Person

It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere

You can’t see the stars in the city I live in, so I would spend my nights out on my balcony, drinking, letting my eyesight go slack and drift into the black.

three images of CJ Kitten Miller, the author: in two she wears a long purple tulle skirt and is dancing in a studio alone, in the third she is dressed like Jem and the Holograms and playing a concert

First Person Gender

On Gender Fabrication and Femme Embodiment

There are so many things I may reach for to explain how I know I am a femme or an intersex non-binary woman but these words and concepts themselves are devised and constructed. Where do I anchor femmeness and how do I understand it?

The words "You are going to be fine" written on a garage style door that is painted a soft pink.

First Person

I Used Instagram Mantras As Therapy — And It Worked

They served as daily messages your best friend should tell you when you’re hurting — and in desperate need of a silver lining.

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