a dark door is slightly ajar, letting out a leak of light

First Person

An Exorcism of Sorts

The haunted house persists in horror media for a reason.

a cityscape of New Haven, CT at dusk, dappled in pink sunlight

First Person

How I Gradually Found My Queer Community in Connecticut

There were a few months where my mother, who lives back in Bangladesh, stopped talking to me after stumbling across some essays I’d written about my queerness. This confusing and heartbreaking time was when I truly understood the value of having a queer chosen family and support system.

Three album covers (The National's High Violet, Erkyah Badu's New Amerikyah, and Hanna) are placed in front of a solid royal purple background

First Person Music

Three Songs for Three Heartbreaks

I was in love, then I wasn’t. One night, after a big fight. I got on my bike to make the short trek home and a song came to me.

A collage of torn paper in neutral tones of grey, beige, brown, and black. There are creases, tears, warps and paste layers like posters worn down on a brick wall. Some parts of the papers are aging brown and peeling out of the canvas. There are spray paint gestures in orange and pink as well. On top of the paper detritus is a ruby red ceramic tile that has been shattered into shards and then reconstructed into a heart shape. Some ceramic shards are also scattered around the canvas. Laid diagonal in the bottom right corner is a clear plastic ballpoint pen with a black plastic cap.

First Person

I Don’t Want To Write Beautiful Things

I am in the business of writing honestly, especially about the things that hurt — heartbreak, disappointment, shame, poverty.

The top of a concrete wall is visible against a gray sky. On top of the wall, there is looped barbed wire along with barbed wire that's running horizontally. On the left side of the wall, the number 15 is stenciled in white paint.

First Person

I’m a Trans Woman in Prison, Where Being Myself Comes at a Cost

Lying on that rigid ol’ mattress, I realized: I’m transgender. Then one day without my permission, I found myself being me.

Hard plastic fairy toys against a pink glitter background

First Person

In 1994, Sky Dancers Informed The Tiny Femme I Was Becoming

Sky Dancers were just the kind of aggressively feminine toy I was unconsciously obsessed with.

a fat person in an orange shirt benchpressing a barbell

First Person

Rethinking the Power of Movement, One Barbell at a Time

Up until a few months ago, I never felt very strong. I was a fat kid who grew into a fat teenager, and now I’m a fat adult.

Robin, a red haired pale woman in the game Stardew Valley, says "Hi Spooky Nico, I was just cleaning the dust off my saw"

First Person

I Played Stardew Valley With My New Name for a Year Before Announcing It Publicly

The more I played, the more characters I made friends with, the more I liked my new name.

Against a white background, there are three identical sketches in black ink of a person with short hair wearing a collared, button-up shirt. The shirt had a pocket over the left side of the chest with a pen inside. The face of each person is scribbled over.

First Person

8 Times When Strangers Misread My Gender, Ranked

There have been times when I’ve genderf*cked a little too close to the sun.

First Person

My Word of the Year Was “Closer”

For as long as I can remember, I’ve held a silent tradition of closing out each year with a word.

First Person

Playing House

The game is simple, really.

A leafless tree against a nightsky with a full moon

First Person

Say When

In the five years since I ended that relationship I’ve reflected on how I got into it, why I stayed, and my own part in the failure of it.

A woman wearing red over-the-head headphones with her eyes closed

First Person Music

What My Spotify Wrapped Should Have Said

I’ve learned that a ranked list of songs can be just as powerful as an end-of-year journal entry.

Silverware on a white plate with a red ribbon tied around them. There are cranberries and a piece of a Christmas tree on the table next to the plate.

First Person Holigays

Three Stages of Never Ever Doing Holiday Meals the “Right” Way

Holiday meals have always been mired in conflict for me.

First Person Movie Features

Slow Takes: We Come to This Place for Magic

A movie theatre was the first reason I left my apartment after the 2016 election.

the writer shea wesley martin stands in front of bookshelves organized by color, wearing a t-shirt that reads "Audre & Gloria & Angela & bell" with a blue beanie.

First Person

Finally — A Rainbow That Feels Like Home

I was in California for a conference when I heard about the Club Q shooting.

An abdomen of an adult patient with Waterproof Transparent Dressing after Cholecystectomy or Laparoscopic Gallbladder Surgery for gallstones removal.

First Person Health

Goodbye to My Gallbladder

Happy Gallbladder Day on Autostraddle dot com! I’m glad you’re here and I’m glad my gallbladder is not.

JoJo Siwa and Jenna Johnson dancing on Dancing With the Stars

First Person

“Dancing With the Stars” Fantasies I’ve Had About Various Phases of My Queer Life

As my opening number, I’m imaging a quickstep with JoJo Siwa. I have no explanation for this.

A leftover Thanksgiving sandwich with cranberry sauce and turkey on it.

First Person Thanksgiving

Why I’m Craving a Thanksgiving Sandwich 364 Days a Year

It’s November 2016, and I’m lonely and missing my family a lot more than I expected. I say I can’t come home for Thanksgiving for a mix of reasons.

Mugworts Cabin: a cute cabin with a rainbow triangle flag banner in front sits in the woods, surrounded by tall lush green trees

Community First Person

We Need QTBIPOC Land Healing Projects

We have a responsibility to care for others. In land stewardship and land healing this means prioritizing accountability to Indigenous folks.

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