a woman with a lighter in front of her face

First Person

Lowkey, I Chose To Be a Lesbian

I understand why people are often outraged at the idea of “choosing” your sexuality.

AF+ First Person

I Miss Feeling Hot

My surgeon informed me that I’d have to spend the rest of Pride Month with my hair pulled back, ointment gooped on, and absolutely no hotness allowed.

a hot mess of garbage on the floor of a bedroom and socked feet

First Person

Coping Mechanisms That Might Make My Friends Side-Eye Me (And Honestly? Valid)

Did it keep me from texting my ex at 8 p.m.? Surprisingly, yes.

First Person Health

My Childhood Was Abusive. The Effects of CPTSD Kept Me From Realizing It

It took me over two decades to readily consider myself a victim of abuse.

First Person

At 28, I Blew Up My Life To Train in Jiu-Jitsu and as a Dominatrix

Beneath the latex and leather is sacred work.

First Person

My New Year’s Resolution Was To Do More Drugs

I rang in the New Year with my friends, watching an endless stream of K-Pop music videos and eating lots of mushroom chocolate.

First Person

I’m Finally Living the Friend-Filled Summers I Grew Up Watching On-Screen

I was always especially envious of the way movies depicted childhood summers, like in Now & Then.

First Person

All the Time We Had

You always called me angel. At first I didn’t like that. It felt dysphoric, which was confusing, because you were trans yourself, “more” trans than me, having spent years on testosterone, having looked, even before any intervention, more like a guy than I ever could.

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya dressed for tennis

AF+ First Person

I Suddenly Hate Aging and It Makes Me Feel Like a Bad Lesbian

I don’t know when I became a vain person, but I swear I used to be better. Becoming a competitive athlete in my thirties has not helped.

First Person

Summer Is for the Midwest Princess

The only job a 16-year-old lifeguard really has is to kiss their coworkers and fuck around. Sadly, I took this job far more seriously than I should’ve.

First Person Sports

The Sex of the Game

That competitiveness I felt with her, the joy I derived from getting in her head was, I realized later, erotic in its intensity, intimate in its knowledge. I wanted that hotheaded point guard to be my hotheaded girlfriend.

First Person

I Found My Family of Freaks

Every day, I get a little closer to having to say that final Goodbye to my gym family.

First Person

Without Poetry or Queerness, I Do Not Exist

When I write, when I kiss my girlfriend, when I read Carl Phillips, when I do poppers at the club, all of these things are me announcing my place in the family of things.

First Person Sports

Everyone Deserves Sports

We cannot pretend trans people have not been athletes, and we cannot deny trans people access to this important sphere of life.

First Person

An Apocalypse Is a Great Way To Test a Relationship

“Lisbon would make a fantastic apocalypse city,” I said to my girlfriend as we struggled up and down the city’s cobblestone streets. Unbeknownst to me, the next day I would catch a glimpse of what Lisbon might look like during an apocalypse.

Drew amid a lounging seating area and fireplace

AF+ First Person

A Lifetime of Needles

I got my first trans surgery a couple months ago, and I went into FFS with as much curiosity about the experience as I had excitement for the results.

AF+ First Person

Step Into The Parlour, a Queer Shared Diary

The Parlour is a new weekly newsletter and column for paid members that invites you into a space for unfiltered, of-the-moment queer slice-of-life writing. Think of it like a diary passed between your favorite queer writers!

First Person

For Your Consideration: Roasting a Full Duck Because You Miss Your Dog

I’m a slob in the kitchen. I’m a slob in most domains of my life, but especially in the kitchen. I’ve always known this, but living with Lola made me forget just how bad I was.