NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday’s Ultimate Sex Toys Shopping Guide

By Carolyn & Ali

In last year’s sexy NSFW Sunday Gift Guide, we recommended a plethora of sex toys and other sexy gifts and in 2010, gave you a strap-on buyers guide as well as tips on where to buy cute underpants or a replica of Eileen Myles’s fist. This year, we’re sharing our favorites — vibrators, harnesses, dildos, restraints, lube and more.

Vibrator: The Form 6 ($175)

The Form 6 is the ultimate vibrator: sleek and sexy and smooth and good inside and out. It’s made of medical-grade, phthalate-free silicone, is waterproof, charges through a stainless steel band and comes with several power adapters. It has two fairly quiet motors, so either or both ends can vibrate, and has six vibration modes at five power levels. It also won both an International Design Excellence Award (in leisure and recreation) and an International Design Magazine award. If the Form 6 is the Lexus of vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand ($55) is the Cadillac. It’s two feet long, plugs into the wall, and is the favourite “back massager” of probably millions. For something tiny, battery powered and inexpensive, try the Water Dancer ($32).

Couples Vibrator: We-Vibe 3 ($139) (only $83 today!)

The We-Vibe was the best thing to happen to hands-free vibrators when it first came out. It actually is hands free and meant to be worn during penetrative sex with its slim profile and ability to hug clit and g-spot at the same time. Then, with the update, they gave us a wireless remote control with a ten-foot range, thanks be to lesbian Jesus. Partner play just got ten times more exciting. So did doing homework within a ten foot range of your partner, doing dishes within a ten foot range of your partner, online shopping this gift guide within a ten foot range of your partner and existing within a ten foot range of your partner. Does the idea of giving control to your bedmate this holiday sound appealing? Try the Lelo Lyla ($139) because it has one of the most innovative remote controls — change the speed of the vibrator with just a turn of your hand.

Penetration Toy: The Laid Stone Dildo ($89)

The appeal of this toy: the smoothness and the heft. Good for solo or partnered penetration, this toy’s temperature can be changed by placing it in warm or cool water. And despite how it looks, your hands won’t slip off while using it. Also it’s fucking gorgeous. Read our review of it here. Not into granite? Try the Lelo Ella ($44) for a smooth silicone feel, or the Njoy Pure Wand ($108) to see what metal feels like.

Strap-On Harness: Spareparts Joque Harness ($100)

Ever wanted to wear your harness in the shower? Fall asleep in it? Have it be made of things that are not animals? The Spareparts Joque Harness provides you with all these things. And you can put it in the washing machine! If that weren’t good enough, this harness gives you impeccable cock control and has a fairly sizable o-ring to handle some pretty big toys (2 inches in diameter.) Some people prefer the Spareparts Theo Harness ($110), which is a g-string style similar to thong underwear and a bit less bulky but just as versatile. If you or your sexy person is brand new to harnesses and strap on sex, you may want to go with Babeland’s Beginner Strap-On Kit ($80), which comes with all the accouterments.

Strap-Free Harness: RodeOH ($45)

It will be no surprise whatsoever that our pick for strapless strap-on harnesses is the RodeOH. The RodeOH is comfortable, doesn’t involve messing around with straps or buckles and can be worn like underwear under your clothes. It’s made of cotton and spandex and is best with toys that are five to six inches long and one to 1.5 inches wide. For an alternative, try the Spareparts Tomboi harness ($75), which has pockets for bullet vibes, or the Velvet Nest harness ($68), which comes in lace or polkadots.

via rodeoh.com/media.html

Realistic Dildo: VixSkin Outlaw ($132)

For realism with a touch of size, the Outlaw measures 2 inches in diameter and is 8 1/2 inches long. Size queen queer? No problem! It’s a silicone toy that feels like skin and feels great to wear. If you want the experience of VixSkin’s realism without the large size, try the Mustang ($116) at 1 1/2 inches in diameter, or the Bandit ($116) clocking in at 1 3/4 inches.

Restraints: Under The Red Restraint System ($69)

These restraints are particularly handy if you are fond of tying up people who don’t have a headboard with bars or even a bed frame. The cuffs are wide with velco closures, which means that they are entirely adjustable and that they’re fun to fight against but won’t leave bruises or permanent damage. You can also skip the under-the-bed part and clip them together as handcuffs. (Read our review of the restraints.) Or try the Red Light Wrist Restraints ($62) or the Bound to Please Bondage Tape ($8).

Nipple Clamps: Delightful Clamps ($16)

These alligator-style clamps are perfect for almost anyone because they’re completely adjustable — they can be loose and just for show, or much tighter. They have wide, rubber-tipped grips that give them a less sharp pinch, side screws to adjust, and a thick silver chain between them. Try Tweezer Clamps ($16) for a different adjustable pinch, or Clover Clamps ($24), which are not adjustable, create a stronger sensation and tighten when you pull against them.

Impact Toy: Cherry Bombin’ Rubber Flogger ($59)

This full-sized flogger has a 7.5 inch handle with 20 inch tassels. Made from repurposed bicycle tubes, it’s both intimidating and environmentally conscious! Try the Sweet Persuasion Mini Flogger ($25) for something lighter, or the Pink Medium Rubber Whip ($24), which is made of latex rubber and can be either gentle or very stingy.

via suicidegirls.com

Lube For Toys: Babelube ($0.50–$22)

You can’t taste it. You can’t smell it. It stays slick for a really long time. It’s super cost effective. It’s water based and toy safe. It’s glycerin free (never put glycerin in your hoo-ha, please). And it’s made by our favorite lesbian-owned toy shop, Babeland! Great as a stocking stuffer. You can also try Maximus lube ($1–$16), which stays slicker for longer but does taste a bit bitter, which is something to consider if you plan to blow that dildo after it’s done fucking you. More into anal? You may want to try Liquid Silk ($1–$16) for anal play. Taste? Terrible. Texture? Worth it.

Lube For Fisting: Pink ($1.50–$26.50)

This silicone-based lube is made for people with sensitive skin, as it contains aloe vera and vitamin E, and is perfect for fisting because it does not dry out as quickly as other, water-based solutions. As this is a silicone-based lube, please do not use this with silicone toys. It will ruin the toy. Continue your exploration of silicone-based lube with Sliquid Silver ($1.50-$24), which is endlessly slick and, bizarrely, recommended by Oprah. Also try Sliquid Organics Silk ($15) for the same silky texture, aloe vera and vitamin E as Pink has, but in a water-based lubricant.

Kegel Exerciser: Teneo Silicone Kegel Balls ($26–32)

Kegel exercisers strengthen your pelvic muscles and feel really neat while they do it. The Teneo Silicone Kegel Balls come in strings of one or two balls, have a handy band for removal and come in lots of colours. You can also try the Ami Silicone Kegel Exercisers ($49), which come in a set of three.

For more help with sexy holiday shopping:

Have you ever given or received a sexy gift? If you wanted one toy this year, what would it be? Let us know in the comments!

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Ryan Yates

Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Ryan has written 1142 articles for us.


    • Yes. Because if the time comes and you don’t have it you will be v v sad. Seriously it’s a game changer.

    • OF COURSE. But also make sure (and I do mean SURE) that you have some great harness-compatible dildos. I made a purchase once and THOUGHT it was harness compatible, but then ended up having to make some jokes to my lovely ex; for example, “this never happens to me.”

      I ordered a Fun Factory dil the next day.

    • I would also like to highly recommend the spareparts joque harness above. My girlfriend just got one and it is so great and sexy and hot and her ass looks SO NICE mushed together by the little strappy parts in the back. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! It just needs the perfect dik to go with it!

  1. Guys, I think I have a problem… maybe.
    I might be an old fashioned prude… I don’t like toys, the mere idea of using one is… well, not really disgusting but nearly. The only time I get adventurous in the bedroom is a few days before my period. And I don’t get the whole BDSM thing at all. I mean, I like to take control sometimes and sometimes I enjoy being controlled, but pain is a huge NO when it comes to sex. Actually I have no idea how I muster the strength to pluck a hair from my eyebrows! And I’m not into handcuffs either.
    So… am I an old fashioned prude? Should I experiment more?

    • I think you should think for awhile about why you find toys nearly disgusting, what the assumptions you’ve made about the issue are, and whether they’re truly valid. If, when you do all that, you decide it’s really just not for you, then it’s not for you. No prudishness in that, just personal preference. Same goes for BDSM type things (which, incidentally, don’t necessarily imply pain). As long as you’ve approached things with an open mind and thought hard about them as they apply to you, you’re doing everything right :)

    • There’s totally nothing wrong with being vanilla in the bedroom, and you are definitely not a prude for not being into BDSM. It’s not for everybody (including me)! I think it’s good to remember that vanilla sex does not equal boring sex, nor does BDSM sex equal exciting sex. Whatever is consensual and gets you off is awesome. You do you!

      • “I think it’s good to remember that vanilla sex does not equal boring sex, nor does BDSM sex equal exciting sex.”

        Thank you for saying this! Some of the most boring sex I’ve ever had was BDSM. It does absolutely nothing at all for me, and so it was boring. Well, it was just boring until we got to the obligatory aftercare part, which I just fucking HATE. Then it was obnoxious and intrusive.

        What I’m trying to say is that there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes good sex (other than consent all around) and what’s the greatest sex act ever invented for one person is nothing more than a boring ass chore they do to keep their partner happy for another. No one should feel like they’re a prude or a “boring vanilla” or a “kinky weirdo” for prefering one kind of sex to another. Vanillana, you shouldn’t feel like you have to experiment if you don’t want to and you’re satisfied with where you’re at now!

        I’ll do me and you all do you and we can all cheer each other on!

    • The real question is, do YOU want to experiment more. If even a little part of you is nervously squeaking yes, then go for it. Maybe you’ll find something you like, maybe you won’t. Personally, I don’t like a lot of extras either, but my motto is, as long as it’s safe and consensual, try anything at least once.

    • You don’t have a problem. Knowing what you’re into and what you’re not into is a really good thing. My only advice is to stay open minded, both with other people and yourself. Literally all of my currently favorite sex acts are things I used to say “Ew! No! Never!” about. Of course, there are things I’m not into and have never been into. But your tastes may change and surprise you one day :D

      Also, it was pointed out above, but I want to reiterate: bd/sm doesn’t always mean pain. Pain is one part of it (usually the sadism/masochism part, where both parties legitely want, need, and get off on causing pain and/or receiving pain) but bondage can be just that: tying someone up so you have complete control. Dominance and submission can be as simple as letting one partner call all the shots in bed one night and as complex as a complete lifestyle. Bd/sm doesn’t even need to involve sex. Most of my fav kinky bd/sm things don’t. There’s a psychology about it that just appeals to some people (like the idea of taking or giving away complete control)

      At the end of the day, it’s all about knowing what you like, knowing what your partner likes, and consensually exploring whatever you want to explore however you want to (safely and respectfully) explore it.

  2. All I want for Christmas is a set of under the bed restraints.

    Also, Babeland is having a seriously amazing sale on the We-Vibe 3 right now (you save almost $60), if anyone was thinking about buying it.

  3. 2013 could very well be the year I buy my first vibrator.

    Perhaps not these, since they’re a bit pricey, but I haven’t stopped looking into it.

    Hopefully in 2013 I will also meet someone who shares my interest in toys.

    Also yay sex positivity.

  4. Has anyone tried the RodeOH harness? I kind of want to get one for my GF but I feel like maybe it won’t be a snug enough fit/keep the toy in place, does it work for all positions?

    • I have no experience with the Rodeoh harness. But the Spareparts harness is awesome. See Ali’s description above.

    • The RodeOH is incredible. We own three because they’re so fantastic (and wallet friendly!) I’m about a size 14, my partner is a size 8, and we can both wear the medium with no wiggling/loss of toy control or discomfort. While we aren’t gymnasts, we can get pretty creative, and we’ve never had a problem with it. Before this, we owned a Jaguar harness and another jock harness, and the RodeOH completely blows them out of the water.

      Long story short: They’re perfect. Buy one ASAP.

      • Thanks for the info! What size rodeoh would you recommend for someone who is normally a pant size 8 (I believe)?

    • I will say that I was shocked with the amount of control that I did have, but when it comes to control I’m more of a spare parts girl. I recommend the RodeOH for packing and pack n’ play, mostly.

  5. I would say that the only weakness to this article is not enough pictures of people modelling the products. Just sayin’

    Related: The picture of that woman wearing the RodeOH harness? Enough to make me want to buy one. More than enough.

  6. Also, Babeland has a sampler set of a variety of lubes. Which is an awesome way to figure out which kind you like.

  7. Ali (or anyone else), do you have any recommendations for a not-too-expensive but decent-quality paddle?

  8. Hey woah, wow. Thanks for the heads up on the We-vibe. I was meaning to try and find it on sale somewhere… so that just happened…

    But a few comments: (in order of mention!)
    1) You mentioned the Lelo Lyla’s remote control: “it has one of the most innovative remote controls”, which, I mean, frankly one of my girlfriends and I thought it was really bad. Both in terms of poor radio control/distance/lag and a lot of frustration with how poorly the accelerometer worked. She ended up so frustrated about how bad it was, that she ended up reverse engineering the thing and hacking a new one. Her control is actually hands free and uses sonar, which means you can just put your hand in front of it and control it based on motion. You can also put things that aren’t your hand in front of it and control it based on motion. Her writeup on this was here: http://scanlime.org/2012/11/hacking-my-vagina/ For the technically inclined, she has schematics available for anyone who wants to make one. So like. Beware on the existing remote, it can be a bit frustrating.
    2) On the topic of the Lelo Lyla… there’s some great news. The way the wireless protocol works means that one remote (of any kind) will control *any* number of Lyla vibrators nearby. Not just the one that came with it. So. So uhm. That might be something to keep in mind. There’s a lot you can do with a remote that controls multiple vibrators simultaneously in sync with one another. (Also if you wanted to control them separately, you can’t do that if they’re both within radio range of each other, so keep that in mind too.)
    3) The VixSkin stuff is nice even if you don’t care about realism at all. (I don’t!) Mostly because it’s a lot softer (and therefore IMO friendlier) than the traditional silicone toys. (Basically the opportunity to make toys that feel like the “jelly” like materials but without the toxins!) It uses a newer dual density silicone thing, where they basically use the usual silicone density for the inner mold, and then do another mold for the outer layer which uses lower density much softer silicone that feels a lot better. Tantus also uses a similar technique for their O2 line. As far as I can tell, only Tantus’s O2 line and Vixen Creation’s VixSkin line are doing dual density silicone toys so far. I’m looking forward to more people doing this though, because it’s pretty awesome.
    4) For those of us who don’t like size in our toys, (I like small things!) the “Spur” VixSkin product is smaller and more manageable than all the options you listed. Also cheaper. Worth considering if you’re a size princess. (I just made size princess up as a term for someone who is into small sized toys. Feel free to use it.)
    5) Tantus’s O2 line has some non-realistic toys that still have the softness of dual density silicone. Though I’ll note the flurry, for instance, is still harder than the VixSkin stuff. Also it’s a lot larger than it looks online… (My ideal toy would be non-realistic, colorful, smallish and with well done dual density softness. So far I haven’t found anything that meets all these things. Sadness.)
    6) Kegel exercisers are great. One product that maybe should also be considered is the Lelo Luna Beads. One of the cool things about these is they have two different sizes and you can replace the sizes in the strings depending on what you feel like. They’re also really well made. I ended up with two sets of these… because… reasons!

    I’m gonna post this and trust y’all not to judge me about being able to comment on this all in such detail, because it’s autostraddle and well, you know. Yeah. We’re all cool here, right?


    • GASP. I was just coming on here to talk up my beloved ASLAN Jaguar! When properly adjusted, I’ve had zero control issues. Also, leather.

      • > Do you have a place where you write about these things?

        The Autostraddle comments section, apparently! What better venue could one ask for?

        > Sir, you are a scholar and a gentleman.

        For whatever it’s worth, while I suppose I’m a scholar, I can’t say I identify as any type of man, gentle or otherwise, or a sir. :-P

  9. This guide is a Very Good Thing :D

    I think I know why Garfield hates Mondays so much… because it’s the longest amount of time until NSFW Sunday

  10. has anyone received a Velvet Nest recently? Because I tried to send them an email asking if their shipping was discreet about a week ago and have yet to receive a reply. And I’m not thrilled about buying something from somewhere where I know they don’t respond to emails promptly. But they’re so pretty…

    If not, does anyone have other harness recommendations, for use with both double and single ended toys, preferably less than $100? I was thinking about a Terra Firma Malibu (the non leather one)… I got a Share for myself as a birthday present but since my significant other is male-bodied and inexperienced with anal I also got a small Silk.
    basically any advice about any aspect of this would be appreciated?

    • update: Velvet Nest responded to my email! They still exist, and also their packaging is discreet!
      I am so excited to have a pretty harness.

    • I recently got mine. Unfortunately I had to send them THREE emails and bug them on Facebook just to get a response. >:( Their customer service needs serious refinement! The product is flippin’ gorgeous though. I need to pick out a toy to go with mine….

  11. i’m very interested in buying the rodeoh but the size chart is really confusing me. i always wear size S thongs and size 26/27 jeans but my hips are 35″ so that would be XL in rodeoh sizes? i’m afraid if i buy one too big the control will be rubbish.

    • If I remember correctly, the sizing confused me too. I decided to ignore the inch measurement part and just go with the size I usually wear. So I’m saying if you wear a small, you should probs just buy a small. I love my rodeoh. No straps to mess with, super easy to clean!

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