Glee 215 Recap: HomoSexy

Before watching this week’s episode of Glee (I watch it online ’cause I don’t have a teevee), a few eager fans decided to spoil my surprise homoparty by telling me, via formspring, that SANTANA IS A LESBIAN. I thought, “Is this a joke?” and then I thought, “but Santana is like the slutty one who sleeps with all the boys, there’s no way SHE’s the lesbian, this must be a trick of some kind,” and then, much later than I’d like to admit, I remembered that I, too, was the slutty one who slept with all the boys.

And so here we are.

I get it. I mean I get Santana — where she’s coming from. I mean I think I’ve been there too. I didn’t figure myself out gradually and then suddenly or even just gradually. I figured it out suddenly, all at once, like Santana does here, and a million puzzle pieces fell from the sky and over time, found their place in the f*cked up scattershot damaged resources of my once-incomprehensible memories and desires. Like Santana, I didn’t think making out with girls meant I could ever want to “be with” one.

I’ve never really related to a teenaged-teevee storyline before.

I didn’t, like Paige McCullers, enjoy my date with a boy until he kissed me (the kiss was fine, too). My family hadn’t been waiting all my life for me to tell them what they already knew, like Kurt Hummel. I hadn’t been consciously living a lie because I was afraid of my family’s reaction, like Emily Fields or Emily Fitch. I hadn’t known since I was 12 and fell in love with my future girlfriend like Naomi Campbell. I didn’t just know/accept it all along (or eventually reneg on it) like Tea. I wasn’t coaxed out of the closet by an already-ok-with-being-gay paramour, like Paige Michaelchuck or Marissa Cooper or Spencer Carlin was. But Santana — Santana I get.

And isn’t it amazing? That we have a choice now? That Willow is no longer speaking for the entire group?
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+

Episode 215: Sexy

[thanks to gleekstorm and gleeky for leading me to many of the graphics/gifs used below. original gif-maker credited whenever possible]

Gwyneth Paltrow, playing Cameron Diaz playing Holly Holiday, is back at McKinley (I almost called it Rosewood!) to teach Health or whatever educational hybrid works best for this week’s plotline.

SIZE QUEEN

Emma, fresh out of a not-productive Celibacy Club meeting with Quinn and Rachel, squeals that sex “is not for kids and not for adults” ’cause the only way to get KY Jelly between Emma’s legs is to tell her it’s hand sanitizer. Also, outfits like these don’t make for quick-release nudity:

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i’d like to write a song about this headband

Meanwhile in the hallway — WERE WE EVER SO YOUNG — Santana’s Black Panther Blazer is interested in sheltering Brittany’s bird-related sweater set via cuddle puddle and incest porn.

Santana: “Hey, Brit-Brit. So, how about you and I pop in some Sweet Valley High this evening and get our cuddle on?”
Brittany: “Look, I’d love to get my sweet lady-kisses on, but I haven’t been feeling sexy lately. I think I have a bun in the oven. Please don’t tell anyone, okay, especially Artie.”

Santana begins telling everyone before finishing telling Brittany she won’t tell anyone. Anyhow, false alarm! When Will asks if Brittany’s gotten a doctor to verify the impending birth of what will surely be the weirdest baby ever, we learn that Brittany mixed up “the voyage of sperm up her vaginal canal” with “the voyage of birds flying through the sky, landing and building nests outside her perrywinkle window.”

As Brittany explains her predicament, the reaction shots are priceless:

Will, wearing denim-on-denim (not really, but it does look like denim-on-denim, so), is ready to get “deep into their setlist” in anticipation of Regionals, that massively competitive season-ending event oddly attended by no more than three other musical groups, one of which is always a gimmick (old people! deaf people!) BUT unfortunately, Will now sees he’s got a bunch of future genital warts crowding up the music room and it’s time for sexual education.

This education will not take place in sexual education class, where we’ve already flash-backed to see Mercedes have AIDS panic over Cucumbers (the same thing happened to me once but instead of cucumbers it was this gun-toting, stab-wound-sporting, small-time boxer who I met at The Olive Garden) but instead, in Glee Club.

Since nobody dates outside of Glee Club, at least you’re taking care of all these couples as packages and LET’S BE REAL Glee Club is actually a pilot music therapy program for kids at risk. In this case it’s all the best looking kids in school at risk of growing up and becoming Republicans if you don’t keep ’em humble and slushied and singing like a bunch of homosexual pansies every week.

first things first: who can tell me what a “dental dam” is

Speaking of packages, Holly Holiday’s sex ed concept is that you’ve gotta “hide the vegetables” just like Jessica Seinfeld suggests in her cookbook about making sure children eat vegetables. Apparently the fact that “sex ed” is already pre-packaged in “sex,” which I believe is already pretty fucking interesting, especially to teenangers, is not enough. In order to REALLY REACH THE KIDS, Holly knows sex ed should be wrapped in sex and also SINGING AND DANCING, which, to be fair, is how everything should be wrapped. (But really did anyone fall asleep or fail to pay attention during sex ed? Condoms, WHAT A SNOOZER, let’s get back to The War of 1812 already! No. The problem with sex ed isn’t that it’s boring and kids don’t listen — it’s that most schools DON’T HAVE IT. I’ll stop now before I get incensed.)

Holly: “Sex. It’s just like hugging, only wetter.”

Holly, who picked up her jacket either from the future or The Hard Rock Cafe, calls out the kids for being sexually misinformed, like how Finn believed in pregnation via jacuzzi jets (although in a pinch, it beats a turkey baster) and Holly says this misinformation will end “right here, right now.”

How? By everyone acting completely inappropriate and singing Joan Jett while thrusting their tits into the air like spastic zoo animals. Beats chlamydia every time.

Although it seems like Holly got an excessive amount of screen time in Brittany’s dance number, what with all her singing and dancing and lead vocalizing — THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS — I’m not mad at this scene. Will resists the urge to get all molesty and instead holds up a sign reading “TOO MUCH?” which Rachel should probs snag for safekeeping to whip out next time Will gyrates his way into a school assembly.

She ends with some words to the wise:

Holly: “Just remember, when you have sex with somebody, you’re having sex with everybody. And everybody’s got a random.”

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Sue magically finds Kurt (“Porcelain”) and Blaine at the Coffee Shop, where she prepares herself a potion of sugar packets, vanilla syrup and heavy whipping cream while informing the boys they’ll need sex appeal to win at regionals, which is utter nonsense.


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Meanwhile at McKinley, where nobody’s got time for lattes or syrup, Lauren lights Puck’s loinfire by suggesting sex is in their future. I hope so, I’ve had enough of this chatty foreplay and am ready for the dramatic relationship part and subsequent Ballads to begin.

Lauren: “Puckerman, today is your lucky day.”
Puck: “You’re finally gonna let me motorboat those twins?”
Lauren: “Remember when I told you I had a master plan? Here it is.” [DRAMATIC PAUSE] “Can you think of a celebrity who released a tape of their intimate relations that DIDN’T make them more famous?”
Puck: “If this is going where I think it’s going, I may need to sit down.”
Lauren: “Rachel Berry wants to be a famous singer. I just want to be famous. Doing that number for Glee Club was my first step towards being a star. I wanna be like a Kardashian, I want a TV show and a fragrance. It’ll be called Zizes. And the slogan will be “you just got zized.”

I will buy ten bottles of Zizes and I will stir-fry my breakfast in it. I will baptize my baby in Zizes and I’m not even Christian.
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welcome to the first meeting of ‘the skulls’

Meanwhile in an abandoned warehouse I swear just got busted with $16 million dollars of cocaine on The Wire episode I saw earlier today, The Warblers are putting on a private performance for a bunch of schoolgirls from their “sister school” to see if The Warblers are sexy enough to wow the adult judges who will be assessing the team based on vocal abilities, dancing and choreography.

The passion in the warehouse reaches foam-party proportions and Kurt makes sexy faces that remind me of karaoke on the Rosie Cruise but Blaine isn’t a fan/is an asshole.

Blaine: “Are you okay? You kept making those weird faces during the whole song.”
Kurt: “Those aren’t weird faces, those are my sexy faces.”
Blaine: “It looked like you were having gas pains or something.”
Kurt: “Great.  How are we supposed to get up on the stage at regionals and sell sexy to the judges when I have as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a baby penguin?”

This image exists on the internet:


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Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2672 articles for us.

102 Comments

  1. I related because I was once Brittany.
    This episode made me hate who I was a year ago.
    At least I kissed her when she finished her speech.

    Amazing recap as usual, Riese.

  2. “And isn’t it amazing? That we have a choice now? That Willow is no longer speaking for the entire group?”

    this was amazing riese, as per usual. doors and insights and appreciating quinn’s pov and, and, you know, stuff.

    i’m really very interested to see what they do with santana next week, my best bet being ‘gloss right over’, because it is regionals or whatever and will probably be a berry-fest episode. but will santana sit in the back row of the choir room and make snarky comments while brittany sits in the front row making dumb ones? or will they acknowledge the relationship change that was this week and alter the dynamic somehow?

    at what point does watching this episode AGAIN become unhealthy, number wise? 3? 7? should i be keeping track?

  3. I just read this twice in a row. And I wanna say, thank you.

    “We have voices now. We had to die first. To make it politically incorrect for anyone to vehemently protest seeing gay kids on TV. Because how can you do that, when they’re being bullied like that, when it’s killing them.”

    This recap was much like the actual episode- I laughed, I cried, it was really intense and there were some amazing quotes.

    You are amazing at writing feelings. I want to show this to everyone who didn’t understand why my head was exploding during that episode.

  4. I think it’s really improper to write “We had to die first”. You didn’t die. It was not your struggle. Gays are not a unite entity. Ugh

    I wish I wasn’t commenting just to say something negative, which I find counter-productive, but to be honest I have no further interest in this article, so I’ll leave it at that.

    • i understand why you would react that way — but “they had to die” sounds really tacky, and “those kids had to die” sounds brutal and tacky.

      i’ve never been a journalist, i’ve always just been a writer. that means i use words sometimes because they evoke the right feeling, not because of their literal meaning. we did not actually all die. sometimes i say “i died” in stories when i am clearly still alive. i’m not trying to create a “unite entity,” i’m just writing words down that feel like the right words to say what i mean.

      when i was a kid i never understood why we had to say “when we were slaves in egypt” — the whole torah is like that. we we we we. it seemed to cheapen the experience of the actual slaves in egypt, to claim that experience as our own, so many years later. but that sentence construction eventually settled into my brain and makes sense to me now. i get it now.

      i can’t explain why i get it. but i do. so in conclusion, i think you dislike my writing style, not necessarily my politics. which is actually totally fine.

      • lol ok. no, i generally enjoy your writing very much, but this whole article was a little bit off to me, personally.
        anyways do keep on the good work riese.

        • If I may butt in– at first it struck me too, that you would use “we”, Riese. But then I thought about it, and despite the fact that homogays are not all a unit entity, not some monolith of gayness, there is a certain predisposition by anyone who would be inclined to protest these open tv displays of homogay affection TO unite everyone and put all the queerly-sexualed under the same condemning umbrella. Surely we cannot possibly permit the loss of the individuality and identity of the people who took their own lives– to do so would be disrespectful and reductivist– but in a sense the string of highly-publicized suicides did create this sense of oneness, this unity that may not have been there before, and arguably I think many hearts were softened by those events and the manner in which it highlighted the susceptibility of even the lone gay person they might have known to being bullied because of sexual orientation. I think it created the recognition of that voice, that right to speak live eat breathe and love just like everyone else.

          I don’t watch Glee, but this was a beautiful recap. Thank you for all your hard work, Riese, and the rest of the AS team.

          • yes this what terracottatoes said, i feel like this is the second time you’ve successfully explained me to me but i can’t remember the first time

          • i remember too, but have no idea what it was about. glad to be of service, regardless. i also remember the time you told me you loved me. that was a great day. 😛

          • Very well said. Those words “we had to die first” really stabbed me in the gut and shocked me at first but after I thought for a few seconds, I think it was a completely appropriate way to phrase it. I like your words, Riese, and how they evoke feelings. So many feelings!

  5. “She was too busy sucking the chrome off Sam’s Cadillac to see the door.”

    Lol… I had to ask myself did she really just write that… and then I read it again, and you did.

    Beautiful recap.

  6. I heard “slumbering’s different”, not “the plumbing’s different”. I just have a feeling that Brittany has no idea what plumbing means in any sense, whereas slumbering is practically like, her thing.

  7. I had to watch the Landslide performance twice. The first time I was too busy trying to figure out why they had raided Angela Chase’s closet for this song to pay attention. I still don’t know, but I’m glad you pointed it out as well.

  8. aaand YES, thank you for commenting on Santana’s outfit during “Landslide.” I was like where in the hippie femme early 90s lilith fair hell did they get that fucking blouse? santana would set someone on fire if she saw them walking around school in that shit…but i guess she had to get her lesbian folk song on.

    anyway, riese, girl, this recap rocks my knee socks.

    i wish you could do the morning announcements for all the schools in America and slip in your views on life and the world and give kids something to actually give a fuck about.

    that’

    • “i wish you could do the morning announcements for all the schools in America and slip in your views on life and the world and give kids something to actually give a fuck about.”

      seriously riese can you work for channel one or something? my high school self needed someone like you.

  9. I do think that Santana is actually bisexual, not gay. I don’t really understand her continual jealousy over Puck if she’s not. I just don’t see how one can get that clingy over a beard, especially when apparently half the boys in school are her beards. She’s screwing enough guys that she doesn’t really need Puck to be her closet lock. Maybe it’s just a sexual connection, but that would still make her bisexual – if not biromantic.

    I guess I’m defensive about claiming her as a lesbian because I feel like while we have a lot of great gay visibility, male and female, there is a real lack for positive bisexual visibility. Bisexuals on TV are either mean, cheating whores; closet gays just adopting the label until they can “fully” come out; or as only dating the opposite sex but using the “bi” label so the show/network can get the queer brownie points without offending homophobic viewers. The dismissive comments Ryan Murphy made about Blaine’s sexuality – that he needs to stay gay, not bisexual, because “kids need to see he’s one of them” – just make me all the more committed to the idea that Santana needs to stay bisexual.

    Although even if she isn’t, I think it’s pretty clear that Brittany is. Which brings me to my next point, about the fact that Brittany is only queer “in a way” – nuh-uh. Bisexuals are queers, full stop.

    • I agree. And now I’m going to jump on a soap box that has nothing to do with Glee. Cause I feel like it.

      I’m a big fan of using terms like ‘queer’ for anyone who feels that they are not heterosexual or fit the gender norms of their society.

      I also feel ok with using gay as a descriptive for a person. I feel like “gay” is a much less restricitve term than “lesbian,” even though many people would see little difference between them.

      Gay is an adjective, a part of a person. To me it feels a little less permanent and boxy to say “I am gay” than to say “I am a lesbian.” Saying that you are a lesbian is saying that you are an entirely different group of person, instead of saying that you are bi, queer, or gay- all of which are adjectives, a part of someone.

      Lastly, I don’t like “bisexual” for an entirely different reason- it implies that there are only two sexes. This effectively erases intersexed, trans, and genderqueer people.

      Circling back… I don’t think Santana would ever call herself a lesbian.

      • I completely agree with you on the “I am a lesbian” issue. It seriously bothers me how “a lesbian” is a noun, its a thing, something with its own set of traits. Whereas, “gay” is just one trait among many a person could have.
        Ah, the english language… (although, I think my problems with this arise from something subconscious. but really I have no clue. who am i again?)

      • Hah, I’m another Emily, and I swear I’ve said this exact same thing before, w/r/t the term lesbian being very restrictive, for exactly that reason.

    • i think you can get clingy over a beard. think about how much emotion sometimes goes along with friendships — friends can break your heart, for one thing. also there’s a lot of stuff going on with ego/insecurity sometimes, i mean the girl got a boob job, and i think santana is used to being everyone’s second choice, so sometimes it’s your ego you’re fighting over, not your heart.

      that being said, i don’t think santana is a lesbian or bisexual or queer or anything. i think she doesn’t know. i also think she doesn’t care. she’s just gonna like who she likes and keep the labels on the things she shoplifts.

      • I’m going to throw my two-cents in here. This whole “bisexual” thing hits a nerve for me because it brings up a conversation with one of my BFFs about my recent ‘awakening’ as a “bisexual”. I, for one, dislike the term but because to me it’s in the biologic category, alongside heterosexual and homosexual. Gay and lesbian, to me, are cultural teams (Throwback to Tina’s reasoning for joining the LWord girls for their lesbian b-ball game). If I am attracted/date women, then I feel I should be entitled to the name “lesbian” just as much as any other woman-loving-woman. Currently, I’m still with my boyfriend, so I have to settle with being tagged as “bi” which irks me.

        Anyways, to get back to my point, I got in an argument with my BFF over the word “lesbian”. She is insistent that if you enjoy having sex with a guy (with/without feelings is irrelevant), you CANNOT be a lesbian and are automatically bisexual. That angers me because it seems so narrow-framed to throw someone into a box without regard to the actual psychological nature around being with a guy vs. a woman.

        That being said, I don’t think we should start labelling Britt or Santana as ANYthing until they figure out what word suits them best. Honestly, I’m with Santa on this one – Labels don’t mean anything. They just turn a complex 3D person into a 2D placard.

        p.s. Riese, I love your writing – I’ve spent the last 3 weeks reading every TV recap you’ve written. This one was the best.

    • Actually, I figured it was Brit that was bi rather than Santana. I was always of the thought that you could have sex with whomever and not be straight, gay or bi, but it was who you could have a romantic relationship with that would determine your general sexuality … actually, I suppose it’s also why I’ve always been somewhat fond of the Kinsey scale. There are some who are totally 100% gay or straight, but a great deal of us fall somewhere in between.

  10. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Glee since it aired. I didn’t put Landslide on my iPhone because if it comes up on shuffle I know I’d cry on the subway. Your recap is more viscerally satisfying and captures that pathos way better that most of the others I’ve read. I appreciate it.

    Also, last night I totally went back and looked at old Willow/Tara message boards that I frequented in high school, since that show often elicited a similar set of emotions in me, so your line about how Willow isn’t speaking for the whole group felt especially poignant.

  11. “We had to die for them to realize our stories needed to be told…We have voices now. We had to die first.”

    THIS made me tear up. Not the episode itself, not even *that* scene–both were great, honest and real–but putting the episode into its context. Would this episode have been written or aired a year ago? Maybe not. Ten years ago, when I was in high school? Hell no.

    God, it rips me open to realize that THIS is what it takes to make us visible to the rest of the country. Teenagers have to kill themselves because it seems *easier* than being alive and gay. Forget about queer people getting hired, educated, married, living our lives openly–it doesn’t get noticed til kids start dying.

    Well, fuck that noise. If we have voices now, let’s use them! Make them hear us, see us–not just the gay teens on TV but the gay, trans, bi, genderqueer, lesbian adults, the teachers and neighbors and co-workers who are not going anywhere. We matter, too.

  12. R- can I just say THANK YOU! I was reading this the whole time and thinking that same thing, hoping someone would mention it. Mostly because I blogged about it way too much, but yes, that. (Santana said in this episode that she’s attracted to guys and girls, and she even mentioned fluidity at the end of the confession scene. And Brittany has a history of being with just about everyone at school, regardless of sex or gender. So my money’s on bi or pansexual, for both of them.)

    By the way, great recap, love the site. And hi everyone – former lurker here ^^”

  13. Riese I don’t even know how to thank you or properly express my feelings to you about the things that you wrote here. Like, I enjoyed it as a Glee recap but more than anything it was just an article about truth and I don’t think I love anything more than when you write about truth.

  14. although i do not enjoy glee anymore, i enjoyed this recap. powerful words, thank you riese

    now gwyneth, please stop fake-playing guitars. it genuinely irks me.

    • ferreals. While I may have been blurry eyed from the tears i couldn’t focus on anything but her annoying guitar faking presence smack in the middle of the best thing that’s ever happened. BUT APPARENTLY, she actually knows how to play the guitar? I watched a behind the scenes video and according to them, she actually learned how to play it…strange, because it still looks like she’s faking it every single time I it.

  15. Thanks for another great piece, Riese! I read this twice as well. I didn’t notice Quinn’s face when I watched it, but I’m so glad you pointed that out!

  16. I can’t believe how hard this episode hit me. In fact, I was a little embarrassed that it took a silly show like Glee to bring up all of these intense memories. Santana’s speech to Brittany resonated with me in a way that nothing else on tv has. Some of those words have actually come out of my mouth. I’ve said things like, “He’s just a stupid boy,” when I couldn’t understand why [girl of interest] did not immediately reciprocate my feelings.

    People wonder why I was such a bitch in high school and got with any guy who would take me.

    Seriously, kindred spirits. That’s all I’ve got to say.

    And while I am sad to see Artie and Brittany’s relationship end (eventually), this relationship obviously has had an incredible impact already and should continue. If the writers keep it up, they’ll be doing a lot for our community. I am really excited to see the possibilities of bisexuality being played out because as a lesbian I once believed bisexuality was just a way to half-admit you’re a full blown homosexual.

    Also:
    1. Naya Rivera should be given an award.
    2. If Landslide doesn’t make you sob/well up, there is something wrong with you.

  17. Wow! Riese, this is without doubt the best written, most beautiful recap of any tv show that I have ever read.

    I love Landslide. Love Fleetwood Mac, and the Smashing Pumpkins version too. I must have listened to this song like a gazillion times but I don’t think I ever really ‘got’ it until I read this recap.

    Thank you!

  18. This post reminded me that I too was one of those people who didn’t see the door. It’s so strange to me now given the person I have become but I didn’t see it. Nobody stood in my way. People talked to me about it, pointed it out and offered to escort me through it and I really never thought it was my door. And then, I saw one of my close friends kiss another woman and I felt weird and figured out that the weird feeling was jealousy and I walked through on my own. Our stories start in a million places and end in a million more but we all have that moment in common.

    • I agree so much. I honestly jumped out of the closet as soon as I realized it myself, neither me nor anyone I knew had any problem with it- I just had no freaking clue. I was Unitarian Universalist, I was in GSA, I played rugby and roller derby, I was somehow drawn to everything loving the gays. I just didn’t think I was gay. Didn’t realize I liked girls at all until 19, kept sleeping around with guys until 21. I had NO IDEA WHATSOEVER I was a lesbian until I fell head over heels in love with a girl and realized I had no interest whatsoever in going back.

      • I completely see myself in your experience! Once I realized who I was, it was almost easy to simply jump out the closet…. But getting there was so much work!
        I had always been, since my childhood, drawn to anything gay/queer related, from movies to books to articles to life experiences in general. I was the school’s most passionate advocate of gay rights, has lesbian and bisexual friends, and lived in a generally open-minded environment. I even had a crush on my best friend. I just didn’t think I was a lesbian. I wanted to be part of that world, I really wanted to feel part of it, but I never thought (at least consciously) that I truly could be. I told myself that my crush was just a childish attachment to her that derived from the fact that I had few friends and was I morbibly attached to her. I told myself it would have disappeared if there had actually been any possibility of making it real, just like a teacher/celebrity crush. Honestly, I don’t know what I thought, how I justified my behavior.
        And then one night, at 19, I woke up at 5am, crying, and realized that I was madly in love with her. I realized that the reason I was so angry, so bitchy all the time to everyone was that I was actually mad at myself, for being confused, for having feelings that I couldn’t acknowledge or act on. I realized that the reason I had been so cold to her, pushing her away only to run back to her, was that it was killing me to be her friend while hidind who I was and what I felt.
        It all made so much sense all of a sudden.

  19. I re-watched this (for the third time) with my straight roommate last night and I had told her in advance that this episode turned me into a blubbering mess. Obviously, I wasn’t expecting her to cry but when it ended and I said “Naya Rivera. acting chops, right?” and she said “meh, I guess. i still prefer her hilariously bitchy.” I was dumbfounded. To a certain extent, I think I had forgotten that this storyline, Santana’s story, resonated with me in a way she couldn’t possibly understand. It wasn’t about how cute it was that two girls were in love or how sad it was that one of them broke the heart of the other. It was a complete and total projection of who I was just a few short years ago. I’m a little embarrassed that Glee, of all things, evoked such raw emotions out of me (though I give almost all the credit to Naya for her delivery. It could’ve easily been a hop skip a step away from too cheesy).

    I just can’t help but remember how I felt in high school about my first girl crush. How I never even considered my total acceptance of sexual fluidity could mean that I was gay…that I wanted to seriously BE with this girl. I think she knew me better than I knew myself and that’s why she told me she thought she was bi and why my heart ached even though I was the one who set her up with my guy friend. I can only wonder what it would have meant if I had THIS in high school. If I could watch Emily and Paige and Santana and Brittany navigate their way through their queerness in a way I could have so completely identified with. I’m so happy that young girls have that now. That these fictional characters can be the ones who open the doors for them.

    • this.

      more words: I didn’t realize how different my viewing experience was from my straight friends until this episode. My roommate and I watched it at different times, and while I was a blubbering mess and texting my gay friends (who had the same “omg this is amazing this content never happens” reaction), my roommate just shrugged and said she didn’t care for it, that Finn and Quinn shouldn’t get back together. I was floored, first that she missed the gay subplot’s significance, and that she didn’t like the episode for a tiny reason they tacked on at the end. It took me a good hour of really thinking about it to realize what you did, that it just wouldn’t resonate with her the way it did for me. My own coming out was a result of word vomit, and a few too many nights of watching South of Nowhere in secret to the point of trying to prove someone was a homophobe by telling them they wouldn’t know what to do if I was gay. To which they responded by asking if I was. and I’m not one to back down once I’ve said something. but I digress.
      In some ways, I WAS Santana. A girl I liked told me that she was equally into me, and would totally date me if she and her boyfriend broke up. And I watched as they did. and as she proceeded to date someone else. and another someone else. So I’m torn about the “Santana should wait for Brittany” future of this storyline. and really hoping that it doesn’t go back to just being a forgotten detail. Because even if my straight roommate can’t appreciate it, this story means everything to a lot of people, myself included.

      • For the record, some of us straight folk were VERY MUCH moved by it. I’m not gonna pretend like it hit me as much as it must have hit you, but I didn’t react at all like your friends.
        I am not good with feelings. You know that episode where Kurt sings “I wanna hold your hand?” My first reaction to that was to run to another room, because between the song itself, my love of the beatles, and the fact that my own dad had had a heart attack that same month, I could not handle all the feelings going on there. Watching them sing “landslide,” I had the exact same reaction, only my sister kept me from running off. I’m not sure how to describe the feeling I had watching it, except that a) I shouted at my friend to shut up about the not-guitar-playing because why would you talk at a moment like this? and b) I had the overriding urge to murder Rachel for that “sapphic” comment. By the end of her confession, I was on the verge of tears. This being the girl who finds The Notebook stupid and cheesy. I’ve watched the episode three times now, and I’ve watched the “landslide” scene four more times just while writing this.
        Admittedly, some straight people (like my Dad) aren’t gonna get it. But some of us do, at least a little bit. Also, sorry if I didn’t explain this too well. Again, not so good with feelings.

    • this.

      was a complete mess after watching the episode. my straight little sister watched it and was like “…that wasn’t all that sad?”. it’s weird but i guess it’s something most straight people can’t relate to (read: overidentify with).

  20. I’ve watched Buffy, Pretty Little Liars, Degrassi, Grey’s Anatomy, and Glee.

    of ALL of them the only character I ever identified with before this week’s ep of Glee was Torres from Grey’s Anatomy, but now… Santana takes the fooking cake.

    She is my life.

    I like girls. I like boys. I like looking good. I love who I love. and some people think I’m a bitch, but that’s because they’re losers. haha… jk.

    • When the whole Callie Torres is with a lady thing started on Grey’s my first thought was this woman is me, look someone wrote a character like me,on regular TV! but she has never made me cry.
      Santana had me Freeking Bawling. Between that and the Pretty little liars “the whole world is gonna change” moment TV is soooo emotional right now. Dam you networks for airing these so close to my period! But thank you one thousand times more for airing this at all.

    • This.

      I don’t think we ever discuss enough WHAT A FREAKING AMAZING FATHER Burt is. He leaves me speechless with his approval and comprehension. They live in Ohio, in a small city, and Burt could just as easily be a stereotypical uber-masculine father and be unaccepting of Kurt’s personality and sexuality. Instead, not only does he calmly accept it at the beginning, but he also learns to deal with it daily, to talk to his son about boys, to defend him in front of friends and teacher and principals, to even educate himself on gay sex in order to be able to help his kid!!

      How many people do we know who would ever do that, in that context? He doesn’t simply ignore the problem and refuse to acknowledge it, he doesn’t even accept it but then grow distant, as many parents would do when their sons/daughters don’t correspond to their expectations. He loves Kurt for what he is and struggles to be a part of his life despite all the differences between them.

      I’m sorry, I just have a lot of feelings about this. I guess I wish he had been my father, or everybody’s father, because I have seen many gay friends completely shut out by their families in the moments when they needed the most help and support from them. And also because I know that my parents will never react this way when I come out to them…

      I think we needed this. We needed a good role model not only on how to be a gay kid, but also on how to be a gay kid’s parent. All of the parent/son realtionships concerning gay teenagers on tv are always negative or downright abusive. And although it is perfectly right, no, not right, necessary to show just how many families refuse to accept the sexuality of their sons/daughters, I think it is also important to show adults who watch this show how to be a GOOD parent. To show them that it is possible to create a good father/son relationship, even if your son is gay and you have few things in common. To show them how you can have a perfectly happy family life if everybody makes an effort to love the others for what they are. To show them that parents can and MUST help their children no matter what.
      Burt and Kurt’s relationnship is one of the most tender and balanced I have ever seen, and probably one of the best things on this show.

  21. I agree,

    Please don’t claim Santana as a lesbian. That’s what Shay Mitchell/Emily Fields is for.

    I think labels are silly, but if anything just call her queer. Because I need representation on TV too. 🙁

  22. I want to have Sex with Feelings with this recap.

    Also:

    Holly: “Just remember, when you have sex with somebody, you’re having sex with everybody. And everybody’s got a random.”

    Brittany makes an incredible face at this point.

  23. This recap made me laugh and cry more than the actual episode did, which is saying a lot. I always look forward to these and this was definitely one of my favorites. I know it takes a lot of time to write them and get all the pictures/gifs together (gifs? are they called gifs?) – so thank you very very much!

  24. I happened to watch this while drinking lots of rum in our hotel room before going out in AC. It was not an appropriate time or place for so many feelings!

  25. I think I have watched this scene over and over again.
    I applaud the writers, the way this was written and acted is superb.

    extremely powerful and refreshing to see on a mainstream show.

    I very much hope that they continue with this storyline.

  26. Brilliant recap, so beautifully written, I was another person who didn’t see the door for a really long time but eventually it was opened and I went through it. I was surprised at how hard this episode hit me, but there was a honesty in the emotion that rang true.

  27. Hey Riese, I’m not really sure how to explain what I realized after reading you’re article but here goes:

    I’m pretty young, and I think I’ve really taken seeing queer representation(or whatever the proper term is,) in the media for granted.

    Here I am 18 years old, and I’m seeing characters like Santana, Brittany, Tea, etc. I didn’t really think much of it, however tonight I realized that this shit is a big deal, and it kinda means something, I’m not sure what. And I think I realized that I need to care about things changing for the better, and possibly helping bring about change. In my lifetime I’ve mainly seen the result of change, not really experienced it first hand. I’m sorry I can’t word it better, but your article just made me want to be someone better, and stronger, and it made me at least a little more hopeful.

    Kinda too much to learn from a gleecap? Probably.

  28. What a cool week for lesbian teens on television in the US and UK. Maybe more portrayals this week than in television history.

    1. Coronation Street – UK (3/7 through 3/11) – Sian and Sophie have a rift as a paranoid Sophie thinks Sian is seeing another girl.

    2. Pretty Little Liars – US (3/7) – After Paige goes on a date with a boy, she has an epiphany which ends with Emily and Paige kissing again.

    3. Glee – US (3/8) – Santana finally reveals to Brittany she is in love with her. Brittany loves Santana too but doesn’t want to hurt Artie by dumping him.

    4. Skins – UK (3/10) – Fans can ponder over Franky’s sexuality all they want. If that is up in the air, Mini is more clear – she has the hots for Franky as some have predicted.

    Not includes – Skins US – because when one gets down to it, that whole plotline sucks beyond belief.

  29. P.S. The Blog “That’s a case of Wishful Thinking” posted a piece questioning this profoundly disturbing rant by Billy Bush on Access Hollywood.

    http://and-not-a-single-fuck-was-given.tumblr.com/post/3779099983/thatsnotmyproblem-ummm-what-the-actual-fuck

    There are several ways to look at this and all are proof of Bush’s ignorance whether it be not noticing that the Brittana subplot has been around since the midpoint of season 1, not knowing that just a few weeks ago Brittana ranked the highest (by voters) on E’s couples poll to thinking that lesbianism indicates jumping the shark (apparently sex between two men does not by the way).

    For those with a good memory, Billy Bush is the same person who, in the Summer of 2008, texted Lindsay Lohan what she thought of Michael Phelps dominating the Olympics. Lohan texted back as innocent a message as possible. Bush then turned it into a story where Lohan must have ulterior motives (again keeping in mind Bush texted Lohan asking for a reply). This was at a time when every bit of media and magazine knew Lohan was with Samantha Ronson. So Bush is apparently not only a major league peen troll but now is also someone that thinks lesbianism is jumping the shark.

    He also seems to live in his own little world. The response to Santana’s declaration on Tuesday has been overwhelmingly positive in pretty much every review and on every television site. This guy is truly pathetic.

  30. All I could think of was how brave Santana was. Not only was she coming out to herself, she was telling some she loved her. That’s not something I handled well when I realized I was gay. It took me so long to figure out the whole gay thing, that the girl I was so very in love with had moved on to another girl. I wish I had been as ballsy as Santana.

    So between Santana’s acknowledging that she’s a little bit queer, and Mini on Skins developing a thing for Franky, there’s this new narrative in pop culture of the popular, bitchy girls having a queer underbelly, huh? I always thought Regina George should have been gay. It’s generally confused me when the queen bees who were so obsessed with their female frenemies and the goings on of girl world turned out to be straight.

    • With regards to Santana’s bravery — that’s what hit me the hardest in this episode. I had trouble vocalizing my feelings for the first girl I fell for too and I wish I’d just taken Santana’s approach. Lesson learned and I wish she’d been hanging around broadcast television being awesome when I was first coming out.

  31. you guys, i just don’t get it. glee makes me feel uncomfortable and molested. it’s so heavy-handed and the lines are incredibly awkward. what is the “sweet lady kisses” thing? i mean, obviously it’s a joke right? except they are serious? it’s just…something about this show seems off.

    does anyone else feel this way?

  32. This was very sweet.
    And you’re right, there are many more gays and gay girls on television now than before. And aside from whatever-the-fuck is going on in US Skins, I appreciate people’s attempts to tell a multi-faceted story about navigating queerness.

  33. I lahv lahv lahv that we have more choices on television of the coming out experience. Thankfully, I had South of Nowhere when I was in high school. I can’t begin to explain the impact it had on me accepting my impending sexuality realization. Stories like these don’t need to stop, for there are always going to be new views and trends and issues for upcoming generations. There’s always room to grow, especially for people in not-so-gay-friendly areas.

    This recap captured pretty much everything that I was feeling. Though I relate to the gay Emilys from PLL and Skins, I could understand your connection with Santana’s story. That’s what it’s all about: relating to others.

  34. This episode was all kinds of wonderful, mainly because Burt wins for life as Father of the Year and Santana’s love confession to Brittany is something a friend of mine went through and then needed me to hold her hand for the aftermath. I also was brought to tears by this episode, mainly because I was relieved that they handled it so well. It totally made up for the whole “Blaine might not be gay because he drunkenly made out with Rachel” bit they tried to pull, and then subsequently resolved ten minutes later. Your recap hit so many nails on the head, all of which have been recalled in the comments already, so I won’t do it again here. I do have to vehemently agree with your assessment that it took some of us dying to allow this kind of progress to be made. And though it is sad, it seems to be the route that most causes seem to have to take.

    Also, did anyone notice the song that was playing in the background when they were in Santana’s room? ‘Tempted by the fruit of Another’ by Squeeze, which I think was an appropriate song for that scene. This show just won on all levels with this episode. My friend’s watched it about ten times today alone.

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  37. I was also someone who didn’t see the door. I liked a girl in middle school, when I was 13, but somehow managed to hand-wave it as “not as intense as my boy-crushes” and continued to believe I was straight. In high school, I was even more convinced. I went to a party, “stage-kissed” another girl, didn’t like it, and never realized that that might be just that particular girl rather than ALL GIRLS who didn’t turn me on. And all my big crushes were on boys.

    It wasn’t until I watched The L-Word in college when I was re-introduced to my interest in women, and even then it took me a while to work over whether I was “really bisexual” or just curious.

    But it’s difficult to explain my story to people who are used to the options of either “always knowing,” or “remaining in the closet because your school was homophobic and you didn’t come out until you were ready.” While my middle school was definitely homophobic and no one was out, my high school was actually very accepting. I had friends who were in same-sex couplings and they were treated the same as the opposite-sex couples in our school. My band teacher was an out gay man. Most students were accepting and, if they weren’t, they were dealt with harshly. I could easily have been out of the closet at that school…. I just didn’t know about that side of myself yet.

    And yes, it took a full-blown crush on a good friend for me to fully accept that I was truly bisexual.

    • I fully relate to your story. I just couldn’t see it at the beginning… And not because my environment was homophobic or something like that. I literally couldn’t see the door.

      I had to fall in love with my best friend and make my life a living hell to understand that I was bisexual.

  38. I can’t help but hope that if Santana comes out, her parents are assholes. I love Kurt’s dad to the ends of the earth but he makes me hate my dad even more every time he’s wonderful all over me.

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