‘The Ultimatum: Queer Love’ Season 2, Episodes 8 and 9 Recap: Who Proposed?

And just like that, we’re BACK with the final three episodes of The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two, including two regular episodes leading up to and showing the six couples answer their ultimatums as well as a reunion that rattled me for DAYS when I first saw it. Catch up on past recaps, and read my recaps of episodes eight and nine below. My recap of the wild af reunion will publish tomorrow!

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 8

I feel like we really ended on some emotionally devastating cliffhangers in episode seven, and crashing back into things here in episode eight feels…a little jarring? How much time has passed? How did we go from Dayna threatening to leave to Magan recommitting to her so fully???????!!!! Dayna’s influence is a bit unnerving! Anyway, let’s get into it.

Two Weeks Until Ultimatum Is Answered

Haley + Pilar

After their stressful balcony moment following Haley revealing she fell in love with Magan, Pilar is now worried that anything she does will only further push her away. She doesn’t want to tell Haley how to feel or project her own insecurities onto Haley.

And well, this episode basically made me sob straight out the gate, because everything Pilar is saying about how her behaviors and emotions have been impacted by her upbringing is so real. She did not get unconditional love from her family. She explains that the people who raised her are ashamed of her, and she doesn’t have a mom she can talk to about any of this.

Pilar doesn’t want Haley to just be with her because it’s all she has known for ten years, but she also believes in them as a couple. So do I tbh! I do think it is normal and natural for them to both crave other experiences outside of each other given that they’ve been together a decade and are only 29. I think Pilar wanted to experience something with Kyle, but when that was shut down she didn’t get the same kind of outside experience as Haley. I’m left wondering if nonmonogamy could work for them? And I say that as a deeply monogamous person! In any case, Pilar talking about her family makes me very sad. Losing Haley would mean losing the person who taught her real love in a way her family denied her.

Haley and Pilar kissing

Dayna + Magan

What a 180 these two have done!!!!! Magan apologizes for hurting Dayna, and Dayna wants to give this trial marriage everything so she can feel informed when she walks away from this experience. HELLO? I thought she was JUST wanting to go back to Michigan and/or have her mom come? Magan says she’s happy to be with Dayna and she is her home and comfort. WHAT???? I have whiplash with these two! I know people who have been in similar relationships where blowup fights were immediately followed by intense intimacy and closeness. IT IS A REALLY TROUBLESOME CYCLE.

Magan thinks she would not have had sex with Haley if the moment hadn’t happened where Dayna ignored her. WHAT? “It was a test and you failed,” Dayna says of the entire trial partner experience, and I am truly so confused. How does Haley suddenly have so much control and power here? Am I turning on Magan? Am I seeing her manipulated in real time? I can’t figure out what’s going on! Magan gently brings up the fact that Dayna was also sexual with Mel, which as we know Mel is denying, and Dayna downplays it by calling it kissing and a comfort thing, suggesting that what Magan did was different/”worse.” That balcony booty grab…that’s not how I personally comfort someone who is just my pal!

Marita + Ashley

These two who I think are fundamentally incompatible meet up with Ashley’s twin sister and regular sister. They seem close with Marita, which is cute. But again, I don’t think these two are meant to be together at all, and at this point I’m stressed out any time they’re on screen together!!! Ashley admits their first week back together was horrible. She’s still trying to figure out why it’s so hard for her to do these things Marita asks for. Her sisters are like you shouldn’t be together if you can’t get on the same page, and I agree!!!!!

Marie + Mel

Mel and a cat in Queer Ultimatum

Mel is still struggling to see herself in a long-term committed relationship, because she has never seen a happy married couple in her immediate life. No one has modeled that for her. I sympathize with the sentiment, but it’s almost like she completely absolves herself of any real agency or culpability in her own actions and decisions. Mel brings up the horrible relationship her uncle — who she lived with after her uncle died — was in. But Marie asks her if she thinks that’s how they’ll be.

The things that make Marie feel safe in a relationship, like trust and support, make Mel feel unsafe, Mel explains. Trusting and loving someone fully scares her. Okay, at a certain point I think Marie has to make a choice to walk away from this! Mel is essentially telling her she cannot be in a stable relationship. In fact, she says she doesn’t know if she wants safe and stable, because her life has always been chaotic. So…because she has only ever known dysfunction, she chooses dysfunction? GIRL, GET HELP!

10 Days Until Ultimatum Is Answered

Haley + Pilar

Haley and Pilar on a beach

These two are going hard on trying to reconnect. They wake up to watch the sunrise, their first on the east coast. Pilar asks Haley what she needs, and Haley says she doesn’t feel prioritized by Pilar the way Magan prioritized her. (It’s a lot easier to make someone your priority during three weeks than after ten years together, but alas.) Haley says sometimes she tells Pilar she doesn’t want to do something and Pilar convinces her to do it anyway. Well, I do feel like we saw a bit of that in Pilar’s interactions with Kyle, too, so that tracks.

Pilar is trying not to take the confusion Haley is experiencing personally. I do think both of these two are trying to work through their issues in emotionally intelligent and mature ways.

Haley now brings up that while she and Pilar were out at the club, they ran into Magan and Dayna. Magan didn’t even look at Haley. So Magan did the thing she accused Dayna of doing?! Magan also told Haley they needed to cut all contact. Haley is confused, and I don’t blame her! They told each other they loved each other, and now Magan is cutting off contact, obviously in a attempt to appease Dayna.

Dayna + Magan

Well, these two are snuggling and telling each other they love each other, so I guess things are all good between them! I’m sick! Dayna tells Magan she has to get really intentional with Haley, and Magan tries to suggest she and Haley can be friends who just support each other, but Dayna shuts that down real quick and says that the relationship right now is not appropriate. Magan says maybe it just needs time, and Dayna shuts that down, too, saying it will take a lot of time if Magan wants to be with Dayna.

I don’t think Magan is completely innocent in the way the rest of this episode is about to go down, but I do feel like I’m so clearly watching someone be manipulated?!

Magan then brings up Haley ignoring her in the gym but then liking her photo, and Dayna says Haley is playing games. I really don’t think Haley is playing any games! Dayna says Magan is acting like she’s being the crazy one when really it’s Haley who is, and I think Dayna should get an Olympic gold medal in the sport of the SPIN.

Magan has gotten a lot of clarity. She doesn’t feel uncertain about any future possibility with Haley. Magan is fully back to Dayna. Well then!

Magan and Dayna embrace

Bridget + Kyle

It has become increasingly evident that the worst offense committed by these two is just being kind of boring. Kyle’s parents are back, and Bridget still wants to know what actual marriage adds to anything. Kyle never really seems to have a convincing answer for this. Kyle’s mom says it’s commitment and building a life together. Kyle’s dad doesn’t think she’s ready for marriage because of insecurity in her job and finances. Kyle says she isn’t ready to buy a house. Kyle’s mom points out Pilar was very mature and had a more secure profession, whereas Bridget and Kyle are two artists which makes life hard.

Well EXCUSE ME, I am a writer married to another writer, and our marriage is very strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But yes life is hard lol she got me there, drag me to hell KYLE’S MOM.

But no really, Kyle and Bridget probably belong together. They just disagree about marriage as an institution.

Britney + AJ

Delightfully, these two are on a date at the same Gyu-Kaku my wife and I went on frequent dates to when we lived in Miami. I hope they get the s’mores. They do get the spicy shrimp, which is also a crucial order. Anyway, you’re probably not reading this to find out What To Order At Gyu-Kaku.

AJ is still scared Britney will wake up one day and know she can do better. Really the only problem here seems to be AJ’s insecurity. AJ, it’s just the risk you take when committing yourself to someone! Just take the plunge! Britney accurately points out that this is an AJ Problem, not something that Britney herself has made her feel. She sees AJ as her equal, and AJ is the one who does not and is taking that out on Britney. I think these two will probably make it out of here. AJ just needs to get over her insecurities. And Britney to her credit seems to have a pretty endless capacity of patience for that (well, besides the fact that she issued her an ultimatum I guess).

Britney and AJ smooching

Marie + Mel

Mel shares she tried to text Dayna, and then Dayna called her and said she was uncomfortable. Mel wonders if it’s coming from Dayna herself or from Magan. Mel agrees to step back. Dayna and Magan are basically trying to do damage control and lock in with each other, icing everyone else out in the process.

Magan + Dayna

Magan is grilling and living in her delusional bubble where apparently she did not fall in love with another woman and is ready to be Dayna’s wife. Dayna is stressed about the prospect of talking to Mel, who she feels is going to have an attitude. Dayna thinks their trial partners probably feel betrayed. Yeah, probably!!!! Cutting off contract is crazy work!

Pilar + Haley

Pilar asks what the pros and cons of talking to Magan are, and Haley says she’s going to make a game day decision about talking to her. Let’s see how it goes down at……….

The Cocktail Party

Everyone agrees this is pretty weird. Marita asks Britney and AJ if Britney made oxtail yet, and she did. So everything between Britney and AJ seems good! Oxtail for wifey!

Let’s zero in on the central conflicts that play out here in two separate private conversations:

Dayna + Mel

Dayna says Mel is being weird toward her, and Mel doesn’t feel like she’s being any type of way. Dayna’s spin work is already at play. Mel expresses she felt she and Dayna were really similar and that they grew together. Mel says Dayna made her feel less crazy whereas Marie has made her feel crazy for four years. Mel brings up that they left things saying they would be friends no matter what.

Dayna says that has all changed by the fact that Magan brought up that the matching tattoos were such a betrayal, because she and Dayna had apparently had a conversation that if they made it out of the show they would get matching tattoos. Mel says Dayna didn’t tell her that, and Dayna claims she doesn’t remember the conversation with Magan. SPIN CITY USA!!! POPULATION: DAYNA!!!!

Dayna tells Mel not to talk to her the way she talks to other people and criticizes her for not being patient enough. She tells her to drop the act. “I know you ride for me, but I also know you ride for Magan,” Mel says. Dayna apologizes for not being able to be there for her right now. I feel like Dayna is playing Mel and Magan at the same time and trying to keep them both as options for her?

Dayna and Mel also end up talking about Magan/Haley. Mel asks Dayna if she trusts Haley, and Dayna says hell no. But what has Haley done, literally! Dayna thinks Pilar and Haley came to the show to leave each other. “Magan knows she got manipulated,” Dayna tells Mel. Excuse me…Magan got manipulated…by HALEY??????? DAYNA, LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

Magan + Haley

Magan looking flabbergasted

Haley doesn’t really want to talk but agrees to anyway. Magan tells Haley that when things ended between them, because of how far they went, Dayna was in a hurt place and she wanted to maximize her time with Dayna. Haley says the cold turkey no contact was jarring though, and fair! Magan wanted to set a boundary and asks that Haley respects her trial marriage.

But Magan treated Haley the exact way Magan said Dayna was treating her during the first trial marriage. She ignored her! That’s what set Magan off in the first place! Points are being made! Magan says it hurt her not to say hi but that she felt like she had to choose between Haley and Dayna and chose Dayna. So, here it’s clear Magan’s decisions for how to interact with Haley are being determined primarily by Dayna.

Haley says Magan’s actions don’t line up with her words and she feels like she got to know a completely different person than whoever this Magan is. Haley has been really honest with Pilar, and that’s true! She told her she fell in love with Magan! And we saw Magan also tell Dayna she fell in love with Haley, but now she’s backtracking. She says she had an authentic few weeks and doesn’t regret things but that she also made certain promises she shouldn’t have because she thought she was at a point of no return with Dayna. She says she loves Magan for everything they’ve gone through but that she’s not in love with her.

Magan says Haley is making her feel crazy, and Haley says she’s making HER feel crazy, and I gotta say I’m on Haley’s side here! Magan! We all saw you fall for Haley and say you were falling for her! I know you’re trying to lock it down with Dayna now, but backtracking is so foolish! There’s footage! Appease Dayna I guess, but we’re all watching! And judging tbh!

One thing’s for sure: I’m glad my invitation to this cocktail party got lost in the mail.

One Week Until Ultimatum Is Answered

Haley and Pilar are parasailing! Marita is making a vision board! AJ got Britney a s’mores station to remind her of their date together! I guess they did get the s’mores at Gyu-Kaku.

Haley + Pilar

Pilar and Haley's hands holding each other

Haley’s dad comes over for dinner with these two, and Haley tearfully shares with her dad that she and Magan fell in love with each other and that Magan is now backtracking the narrative. Her dad very kindly tells her it isn’t the worst thing ever to read a situation wrong. Pilar posits that perhaps Magan was using Haley to make Dayna jealous, and I honestly don’t think it was that calculating, but I do think Magan and Dayna are two people who HAVE to be in a relationship so they go all-in on whoever they see as their most viable option. Magan went all-in with Haley, but now shes’ going all-in on Dayna in a way that requires her to push Haley away.

Haley’s dad tells Pilar he’s here for her, too, and Pilar starts crying and so do I!!!! Pilar doesn’t have a dad to talk to about any of this, and Haley gets to be so open with hers. And he’s supportive of Pilar, too, and that’s just so sad and sweet! Pilar says she hasn’t been proud of herself for a long time but has learned to stick up with herself and be patient.

Magan + Dayna

It’s time for People Having Serious Conversations Under Blankets on the Couch, Magan says she talks to her mom about Dayna a lot and that her mom will say something like but one day you’re going to marry a guy and have kids, right? But today when Magan called and was talking about Dayna, she said everything but the part about the guy. Progress! I’m rooting for Magan to make progress with her family even if I’m not rooting for Magan and Dayna to work out!

Ashley + Marita

Marita and Ashley holding each other

More couch time. Marita starts sobbing after telling Ashley again that there are so many things she’s not getting. I think she’s realizing it’s not going to work. She wants a relationship and love and romance and she doesn’t want to just feel like friends. I really struggle to understand these two. Ashley holds her while she sobs, and Marita says she doesn’t get why Ashley can’t do all these things for her. They’re so bad at communicating! I don’t even want them in couples therapy; I just want them both in individual therapy.

Haley + Pilar

Pilar checks in with Haley, who is grateful for what they have. Pilar realizes that when she takes herself out of it, they’re able to resolve things better. They’re both genuinely trying witheach other. Pilar says if she were on the outside — like us, as viewers — she’d think they were fucked. I don’t actually think that Pilar! Y’all are pretty chill compared to Ashley/Marita and Magan/Dayna AND Mel/Marie!

Pilar and Haley feel bad for Dayna, Haley saying she wonders if Magan is the real problem in that relationship. Counterpoint: I think they could both be a problem.

Pilar doesn’t want to leave this and feel she was a safe second option.

Trial Marriages Final Night

Marie + Mel

Marie and Mel are making meatballs and sauce together, apparently a Sunday tradition and recreation of their first date together. Mel doesn’t want to work; she wants to be a stay-at-home masc. But what about the FOOD TRUCK!!!!

Mel says what she thinks switches by the moment. Yeah girl, that’s a red flag! Marie says Mel should trust her when she says something is okay. She feels confident and sure of what she wants and feels. Marie, girl, you can’t change who Mel is though. And she has shown you who she is over and over and over.

Dayna + Magan

Magan on the balcony eating dinner

Though I am turning on her, Magan wins a small piece of me back by referencing the Fast & Furious film franchise’s conceptualization of chosen family. Magan says they both fucked up, and Dayna makes sure to reiterate that yeah but Magan fucked up WORSE. She says it’s not like Magan hooked up with a random girl at the club but rather built a connection with and fell in love with someone else, which is DIFFERENT AND BAD…even though it is baked into the premise of the reality show they not only both chose to do but that Dayna strong-armed Magan into following through with when she originally wanted to leave.

Dayna laments that Magan doesn’t seem to regret anything she did or think anything she did was wrong. I think she likes having this card to play. Any time the conversation turns to her actions, she pivots to talking about what Magan did and how she isn’t sure if she can get over it. Then don’t and leave! Do your little spins elsewhere! I’m honestly tired of the spins!

Next: Ultimatum Queer Love Season Two Recap Episode 9

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1050 articles for us.

7 Comments

  1. Kayla! I am DYING to read your reunion recap. Amazing work thus far…can you imagine if we got this kind of insight on the show from an actual queer host?! Dare to dream. Truly, I am reeling right now at the fact that there were engagements beyond Haley/Pilar and Britney/AJ…

  2. Oh gods, I didn’t know a reality television show could make me dry heave. I’m actually low key a little scared for Magan? Like, the oddest thing I see not mentioned anywhere is that she is not out to her very strict Lebanese parents but she quite literally went on a Netflix reality television show? Even in the best of the best situations there would still be a non-zero chance that somehow someone in her family found out that she was on it no? She just seems not very good at thinking things through and that reflects in her behaviour and her relationship with Dayna. And that’s not a criticism of her, it’s why I’m so worried. Going on this show was the worst possible idea for her in every way and it is very obvious that in her little bubble with Dayna it is Dayna spinning her way into making every and all decisions. I just hope that Magan can break away from Dayna, especially after seeing Dayna’s behaviour in the footage.

  6. The situation with Dayna and Magan is coercive control and is miserable to watch. It kills me that no one really pulls Dayna up on her controlling, manipulative and mean-spirited behaviour. Seeing how relaxed and happy Magan was with Haley versus how brittle, defensive and closed off she is with Dayna is heartbreaking. Yes, Magan is an adult and has her autonomy but that autonomy is being very seriously impeded by Dayna and I do really see Magan as a victim in all this because she quite literally doesn’t know any better. Imagine, actually imagine, living in the Dayna spin world every single day. Imagine never getting to express your own emotions without Dayna telling you “well actually THIS is how you feel”. It would break you and it’s clearly broken something in Magan. If society/Netflix took emotional abuse as seriously as physical abuse these episodes would come with a fucking warning about how Dayna’s behaviour is not ok. I’m so upset they got engaged. I hope they never get married.

  7. Also Mel and Marie …..lorde….Marie is a chump and Mel is an even bigger chump. Marie was so desperate for a ring she accepted that weak ass proposal? From the world’s least reliable, chaos loving and dishonest person? Couldn’t be me….

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No Filter: Elliot Page Closes Out Pride by Hard Launching With Overcompensating’s Julia Shiplett

feature image photo via Elliot Page’s Instagram

Hello and a happy Lez Out July to you all! This is No Filter, the place where I tell you all about what our favorite queer celebrities were up to this week, via Instagram! Let’s rock and roll!

This is my favorite thing ever, I am very nearly ill trying to picture this hang — on a ranch no less! This is what RPF — I mean dreams! are made of!

Unsurprisingly, everything about this look, I am obsessed with. The fringe! Pulling off that shade of blonde! She really can do it all.

Cynthia. I know you are a Capricorn, but come on now! Two Wicked movies, a new album, hosting the Tony’s AND she wrote a book? I think we have officially found the one other human who has the same 24 hours that Beyoncé does!

Glastonbury is now my favorite festival, between all the calls for a free Palestine and having Brandi up there? Coachella found dead in a ditch, tbh!

As a person who watched this “Girls Like Girls” music video when it dropped, this does feel like a fever dream 25 year old me created? But good for me!

This is the dream level of famous, tbh. “Come by and bang this drum for Pride” is such a sick offer?

Cardi B? More like Cardi…Hitchcock, amirite! (We all know this joke didn’t work, please I beg, let us move on.)

A genre of photo that simply always hits! The bows on those shoes are wild and frankly a tripping hazard??

It actually rocks to have hair that is so powerfully influenced by nature around you!

Oh right New York Pride is the end of the month, I always forget that and then get confused when everyone is still partying hard. Go off you two!

Elliot Page has a boo on main! We love to see it, we love dating comedians!

Doechii was ready and did in fact eat down on that stage!

This look…I want to hate it? But I cannot! It eats, somehow!

There has never been an easier meme format for people to jump on than this one, but the thing is? It works! This is funny!

Oh wait maybe this trend is easier to jump on, lol. Also funny!

Sarah Paulson in a big suit? Yeah I am down for that, thank you!

Rooting for these two the ends of the earth!

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Christina Tucker

Christina Tucker is writer and podcaster living in Philadelphia. Find her on Twitter or Instagram!

Christina has written 359 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Just wanter to add that Diane Guerrero from OITNB and Encanto appears to have hard launched her GF on insta!

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Saving the Everglades Is a Queer Issue

For all the jokes about Florida, the people who actually inhabit the state know its beauty. There’s a rich history in this state, not just in the buildings and communities that have been built over decades, but in the stunning natural landscapes that have always been there and, unfortunately, find themselves being regularly exploited and destroyed. To watch Sasha Wortzel’s feature documentary, River of Grass, is to experience a bit of the beauty and pain of existing in Florida surrounded by the Everglades.

Not to be mistaken with Kelly Reichardt’s only Floridian film of the same name, Wortzel’s River of Grass is a necessary document about the Everglades at this point in time anda personal reflection on what it means to connect with other communities for the greater good. By weaving together everything from archival material of the grasslands, Marjory Stoneman Douglas’ seminal text (The Everglades: River of Grass), Indigenous voices and activists Betty Osceola and Reverend Houston R. Cypress, and contemporary verité footage of prayer walks in the Everglades and around Lake Okeechobee, the film becomes a mirror of the vast scale of the Everglades themselves in our lives.

That it serves as a personal memoir, educational text, and call to action all at once is what makes River of Grass feel essential in a time when everything in Florida feels fraught with danger. As a fellow queer Floridian watching the film — as well as Wortzel’s past work like How to Carry Water, This Is Not An Address, and Happy Birthday Marsha (co-directed with Tourmaline) — I couldn’t help but get swept away by it. I found myself thinking a lot about the way so many communities in South Florida intersect and adapt. Coming up just before a screening at Frameline, Sasha and I sat down to talk about the film, the region’s history and politics, and the way queerness and nature intersect.

Juan: I feel like it’s a very Floridian thing to just grow up with the Everglades as something that’s always there, for airboat rides and swamp walks, but not something you’re connected with in any real capacity. What was your experience with it growing up?

Sasha: Like most Floridians, I grew up knowing that the Everglades existed and was there, yet I wasn’t necessarily spending a lot of time in the Everglades. My earliest memories are driving from the West Coast to the East Coast through them and I think that’s a common way that many Floridians experience this vast region of wetlands that our water comes from: as a place to pass through to get from one coast to the other. I think many Floridians also don’t understand what they are, might even find them scary and intimidating. Some people look and say “what’s there?” It seems like nothing’s there and though I did grow up having a pretty strong relationship with the environment – being on the water, being in coastal mangroves, kayaking, and I was like a junior naturalist – but I didn’t understand how my more immediate ecosystem that I grew up in was a part of this larger, vast interconnected system that is the Everglades. That’s something I really had to seek out on my own.

Juan: Yeah, Floridian schools don’t really educate you on this. There’s not enough weight placed on how integral the Everglades is.

Sasha: It was very much a thing of the 90s where our education around the environment was not stressing the interconnectedness of things and simply focused on teaching us to turn off the lights, recycle, and plant a tree on Earth Day. With that, you’ve done your part and we still see that today. The responsibility is often placed on the individual rather than on larger systems or corporations that are actually the culprit in extracting, polluting, and destroying our wetlands and natural wild spaces.

Juan: And I think your film speaks to that by actively involving various communities who are impacted and exist with the Everglades. Not to jump into the political immediacy of it, but I do wonder: do you consider your film something of a call to action, particularly in informing people about how much the Everglades impacts us?

Sasha: I believe my film is an invitation to learn more and to become engaged with the environment and educated in how interconnected everything is. I’m happy if it feels like a call to action too; I think it is in essence, with Betty’s last lines in the film [“Nature will always win in the end. You have to decide if you’re going to be there as a part of that win, and, if you don’t, she’s going to win without you.”] More than anything, I think the experience of making the film, for me, was sort of like getting to know a relative who’s always been there in a much deeper, more intimate, way.

An alligator in water filled with bright green runoff in River of Grass

Juan: The film kicks off with you dreaming about Marjory Stoneman Douglas and navigating the impact of hurricanes, so that makes sense. Were those the actual triggers that kicked off the creation of River of Grass?

Sasha: I was thinking about how, in my lifetime, I had seen many of our wetlands and wild spaces fundamentally change or disappear altogether. I was watching more frequent and intense storms and hurricanes, noticing that our water quality was really declining, and that, on both coasts, we were experiencing forms of harmful algal blooms. Red tides and green algae that were sucking the oxygen out of the water, causing these mass fish killings, and giving people health problems. I was feeling overwhelmed by it all, devastated and sad, and then realized that I didn’t quite understand why. I knew that it had something to do with the Everglades’ water system, and that our temperatures (in and out of the water) are rising, but I wanted to unpack that and understand it better for myself in order to process some of my grief and understand my place and what action I could take.

I started by picking up Marjory Stoneman Douglas’ book because, even today, it’s still considered one of the essential resource guides to the Everglades and the first non-fiction study of the Everglades. I’d also applied to Artists in Residence in Everglades (AIRIE) and arrived just after Hurricane Irma – there were tons of trees and phone lines down and the water levels were much higher than usual for that time of year – so, of course, hurricanes were on my mind. I spent that month reading Douglas’ book and using it to create a sort of roadmap of some of the stories, the sites, and the themes I might explore in the film, as well as reaching out to people who were removing pythons or riding around with rangers by boat taking water samples.

I met Houston Cypress at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas Archives while doing some research after having written them prior to coming to the residency, knowing that one could not make a film about the Everglades without engaging Indigenous voices, and it was also at that time that I met Betty Osceola at Buffalo Tiger Air Boats. I was telling her what I was imagining and she said, “Hang on a second,” went and put gasoline in her airboat, and said “get on.” I went on a long ride with her and her late husband Jimmy and we walked and talked about a prayer walk she was organizing to walk the entire circumference of Lake Okeechobee. She invited me to join her, and so I did.

Juan: That is such a massive endeavor, but it sounds magnificent.

Sasha: From there, I just realized that it was going to be a film that reimagines Douglas’ book; her words in it felt very prescient and relevant, and yet it stopped in 1947. So much has followed that up to the present, so I wanted to weave her words alongside these portraits of what’s happening now. And that’s kind of how the project began, but then another hurricane came during the making of this and really destroyed where I’m from. Douglas did come to me in a dream during this time, telling me that she had more to say and felt she’d been forgotten. I felt that she wanted a direct address with the audience, not just through her book, and it launched me into doing more archival research and uncovering interviews with her where I was moved by her presence and bluntness.

She was so direct, so funny, so unapologetic, and a lot of what she said was extremely resonant with what’s happening now. She needed to be part of the story and all these elements needed some kind of grounding and a perspective, some kind of glue, and that had to be me. I realized it was also my story, but Douglas prompted me to pursue this project.

Juan: And you bring up trying to piece it all together, but I’m so interested in how you approached something as grand as the Everglades. There’s science, there’s spirituality, there’s history, there’s politics – obviously you’re grounding it in yourself, but how do you try to parse all of it down into something that isn’t just an info dump?

Sasha: It’s not an easy task and also why this was a project that took many years to make. I naively didn’t realize the education it would require of me; I’d need to learn Indigenous history, hydrology, legal frameworks around the Everglades, there’s just so many layers. Once I started meeting and engaging with people on the ground who call this region home, that would lead me to another story and another. It was through the making of this project that I became connected with the Stop the Burn campaign [which aims to eliminate the practice of pre-harvest sugarcane burning in the Everglades] and learned about that. It really took a lot of time and refining, and it was through the editing process that it became clear what would remain and what might be cast out to create something that could tell a very expansive story but wasn’t bogged down in too much detail. I hope people learn a lot about this place through watching, but I wanted it to feel more like you were sort of flowing with the water, digesting and absorbing and learning along the way.

Juan: That makes a lot of sense in how meditative the doc is. It forces you to become one with the nature of the Everglades. Your last short film, How to Carry Water, also had this vibe that you’re just trying to exist in the same space as your subjects. Do you always try to find that connection with them in some capacity?

Sasha: I tend to work on projects where I’m engaging with places and communities that I’m somehow already embedded in on some level. It’s been really important for me to think about landscape not just as background but as a character and to foreground it and really sit with and film with the same kind of dignity and respect that I give to the people that I film. I spent a lot of time in these different ecosystems that are collectively part of the Everglades with J. Bennett, the director of photography.

A really important part of the process for me is also relationship building. During the making of the film, Betty Osceola walked Lake Okeechobee twice. There were two separate prayer walks and I filmed one of them and went on another from start to finish without my camera. I think it was about 120 miles around the lake, mostly in silence. That sort of intention and process is hopefully embedded in the feeling of the film.

Betty Osceola in an orange shirt and ear covers in River of Grass

Juan: How much of those prayer walks and that journey is just walking and experiencing nature as opposed to moments where people stop and engage with each other?

Sasha: When you’re walking in pairs in a single file line through the Everglades, you’re meant to be silent and listen and pray, to look and witness the environment and connect with it. There’s a rhythm to these moments where you’re moving through the landscape and looking in a way that I think we often don’t look, especially while you’re on foot because of the pace and scale of things. In breaks, Betty would share a story or some kind of knowledge, ones that have been passed down from her ancestors about the ways the land looked when they were there or specific plants. Sometimes there’s breaks where we’re all just hanging out and laughing, eating snacks and enjoying being out there with each other.

It’s about community building when you’re out there with people from all walks of life. Over the course of filming, I watched the prayer walks really grow. Of course, Lake Okeechobee is a particularly long seven-day walk, so not everyone’s going to be able to participate in the full walk due to its intensity. But something really beautiful that I felt over the course of the film was the number of people participating in these walks, these spiritual actions, and the Everglades growing and finding intersections between these community members. So Donna and her daughter, I’d been out with them removing pythons, and then a few months later, we were on this walk together. It was interesting to see not only the interconnectedness of the different ecosystems that make up the Everglades, but the people themselves, and I wanted the structure of the film to reflect that as well.

One of the teachings that Betty spoke about during the making of the film was this Miccosukee teaching of land as ancestor, with trees and animals that are all our relatives. And in Douglas’ book, she very intentionally uses the pronoun “they” to describe the Everglades – this non-binary, plural pronoun – and I was really moved by these two ideas.

Juan: That makes a lot of sense to me because the film kind of ebbs and flows through all these different facets of community and ecosystem. I actually love that you bring up the non-binary pronoun for the Everglades because I’m wondering: How did your own queerness and your past work that looks at queer bodies in natural (and unnatural) spaces influence this film?

Sasha: I mean, how could it not? It’s just one of the lenses through which I experience and engage with the world, and the idea of the collective, the “they”, this sort of expansiveness of gender and community with plants, animals, and the unknown, like our ancestors and spirits. I think there are moments that do feel more explicitly queer in the film, like Houston walking through this beautiful cypress dome and saying that chosen family is a survival strategy.

Even something like Marjory being asked by a journalist why she never remarried. Would a journalist ever ask a man that? Of course not. I was moved by her answer being that she couldn’t be bothered with a man and was busy. Marjory may not have been queer, yet the way she lived her life defied a lot of prescribed gender roles. She did not marry, she did not have kids, and she wasn’t focused on this nuclear family unit because her family was the Everglades, her friends, her writing, and her art, the things she devoted her time to.

Something that really informed my approach to this project and How to Carry Water was thinking about the way in which queer bodies and trans bodies, like the wetlands, defy or refuse tidy binary categories. Wetlands are both land and water; the Everglades are sometimes dry as a bone and you can walk across and, other times, it’s flooded. It’s not any one thing, and there’s an interesting connection too in the way that wetlands have been demonized, extracted, drained, and reengineered that mirrors what we see happening in dominant culture with violent transphobic narratives.

Juan: So many people outside of these lived experiences and natural bodies are trying to force their will onto them, but you can’t change or stop what exists.

Sasha: Yeah, I think the same violent forces that deem a trans body, or a disabled body, or a fat body, unworthy or disposable in this world are the same forces that deem a swamp as unworthy or something we don’t need. And that is intimately connected to all kinds of violence and settler colonialism here in the United States and with what we’re seeing happening abroad.

Juan: And your film is explicitly in conversation with the fact that the world is comfortable destroying these things. Obviously your work is political – even thinking back to something like This is an Address, which features Sylvia Rivera – because you can’t make work like this without it being political, but what do you hope for with a film like River of Grass? Are you hoping for it to spark conversations about gentrification or destruction or faulty politics in Florida that make nothing last here?

Sasha: That’s the very story of Florida: Build as fast as you can before things sink or build and make as much money as you can before the next hurricane.

Juan: Does it feel like you ended up capturing the Everglades before it’s too late?

Sasha: There is an awareness that I am trying to tell a story that covers such a wide span of time and that connects the past to the present. To make this film is to create a document of a specific time and place because the way things look and feel are constantly changing. I hope the film is an invitation to become more connected to our environment and to each other, to our larger collective movements. Something that’s important to me with this film – that’s maybe not said explicitly but hopefully embedded in the architecture – is that climate justice is very intersectional. It cuts across race, class, gender, and sexuality, and connects to everything. Finding these interconnections between our movements and coalition building is really the way forward.

We are stronger together when we are thinking about how we can all get free and how our liberation is connected to our neighbors. We also need to listen to and support Indigenous voices and center those who are most impacted in our movements. Those are the experts and recognizing and dismantling these ongoing legacies of settler colonialism is central to the environmental justice movement. Those are some of the many things I’ve learned and taken away from the process of making this film. I started in this place of devastation and grief, feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what to do, and now I have all these answers and solutions. Through the making of the film, through learning our history and who came before, and by connecting with a broader coalition of neighbors in the region, I now feel more hope.

The swampy Everglades in River of Grass

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Juan Barquin is a queer Miami-based writer and programmer who aspires to be Bridget Jones.

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  2. “I hope people learn a lot about this place through watching, but I wanted it to feel more like you were sort of flowing with the water, digesting and absorbing and learning along the way.”

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Mini Crossword Is Naked in Manhattan

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Emet is a queer and genderqueer program manager, crossword constructor, and married parent to four children.

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Our Most Anticipated Queer Books for July 2025

and

June was of course a very busy month for LGBTQ+ book releases, but we still have a decent amount of new queer and trans books coming your way in July, too! Because it turns out gay people still exist after Pride month! Who knew! Below, find our top picks for the month, followed by the rest of our mostly anticipated queer books for July 2025. And feel free to shoutout additional books in the comments!

Autostraddle’s Top Most Anticipated LGBTQ Books for July 2025

Hot Girls with Balls by Benedict Nguyen
No Body No Crime, by Tess Sharpe
The Other Wife, by Jackie Thomas-Kennedy
House of Beth by Kerry Cullen
Subterrane, by Valérie Bah
Necessary Fiction, by Eloghosa Osunde
First Time, Long Time, by Amy Silverberg
Simplicity, by Mattie Lubchansky
Lonely Crowds, by Stephanie Wambugu

Hot Girls with Balls by Benedict Nguyễn (July 1, Literary Fiction)

Hilarious in its excavations of internet fame and the content-ification of relationships, Hot Girls with Balls follows Six and Green, two late-twenties Asian trans women on rival teams in the men’s pro indoor volleyball league. The influencer athletes have a massive platform where they document their long-distance relationship and often disagree about how much to make public and keep private. It’s a great “internet novel” and specifically a queer internet novel, so it’s extremely up my alley and I think if you get your book recommendations from Autostraddle dot com, it’ll be up yours, too.

No Body No Crime, by Tess Sharpe (July 15, Thriller)

Nothing bonds two girls quite like burying a body in the woods. Chloe Harper and Mel Tillman end up in a secret relationship after they spend a night in the woods burying the body of teen drug dealer Toby Dunne on Chloe’s 16th birthday. Six years later, Chloe has left town for the Canadian wilderness and Mel is working as a rural PI. Danger resurfaces from their past and brings the two women back together again.

The Other Wife, by Jackie Thomas-Kennedy (July 15, Literary Fiction)

Zuzu feels like an outsider growing up biracial in her small, rural town, but she finds deep friendship in her best friend Cash, whom she longs for but never pursues outright romance with. Now nearing her forties, she’s married to her wife Agnes while still yearning for Cash, who she reconnects with when a sudden loss brings her back to her hometown.

House of Beth by Kerry Cullen (July 15, Literary Fiction)

This twisty novel centers bisexual literary agency assistant Cassie Jackson, who flees Manhattan for her New Jersey hometown following the gruesome death of her boss, which also causes her harm OCD to flare up. There, she reconnects with her high school best friend Eli, who is a widowed father of two, and Cassie slides easily into his life as a new stepmother. But things get a little…messy…when the ghost of Eli’s dead homemaker wife Beth starts haunting the woods surrounding her home.

Subterrane, by Valérie Bah (July 17, Speculative Fiction)

Humor and political commentary collide in this kaleidoscopic work of speculative fiction featuring a chorus of Black and queer voices set in the fictional world of New Stockholm, a North American metropolis defined by class stratification. Zeynab is making a government-funded abstract documentary about the creatives and anti-capitalists of one of New Stockholm’s polluted and industrial neighborhoods, one of the last areas where housing is affordable.

Necessary Fiction, by Eloghosa Osunde (July 22, Literary Fiction)

The author of the outstanding Vagabonds! is back with another gorgeous literary exploration of queer life, family, friendship, desire in Nigeria. Featuring more than two dozen characters across generations and scattered throughout Lagos, it’s simultaneously sprawling and intimate.

First Time, Long Time, by Amy Silverberg (July 22, Literary Fiction)

A young aspiring writer moves to Los Angeles while grieving her dead brother and ends up in a relationship with a famous older radio host named Reid Steinman, beloved by her father and late brother. But things take an interesting turn when she ends up having an affair with his adult daughter Maddie.

Simplicity, by Mattie Lubchansky (July 29, Sci-Fi, Graphic Novel)

Whether you know her from her brilliant horror graphic novel Boys Weekend or just from her hilarious comics online, Mattie Lubchansky is a shining voice with a signature style in the queer and trans graphic narrative space, and you’re not going to want to miss her latest, an immersive and speculative story about Lucius Pasternak, who is hired by the Museum of the Former State of New York in 2081 to study a group called The Spiritual Association of Peers from the 1970s that took over a summer camp in the Catskills and called it Simplicity. Strangeness ensues. Expect sharp socio-political commentary wrapped up in eerie dystopian-horror imagery. And humor of course!

Lonely Crowds, by Stephanie Wambugu (July 29, Literary Fiction)

Set in the early-90s art world of NYC, this novel is about two friends: Ruth and Maria. Ruth is an only child of immigrants to New England attending a Catholic girl’s school on a scholarship, and Maria is an orphan whose Panamanian mother died by suicide and is being raised by her aunt and also on a scholarship to the school. They strike up an intense friendship. Ruth follows charming and free Maria, who embraces her sexuality and drive for an art career, to college and then NYC, where ambition and competition threaten their friendship. Toxic friendship novel, yes PLEASE!

And now enjoy the rest of our most anticipated LGBTQ books for July 2025!

July 1

Coffeeshop in an Alternate Universe, by CB Lee
The Original, by Nell Stevens
Human Rites, by Juno Dawson
Tenderly, I Am Devoured, by Lyndall Clipstone
Call Your Boyfriend, by Olivia A. Cole and Ashley Woodfolk
Am I Having Fun Now? Anxiety, Applause and Life’s Big Questions, Answered, by Suzi Ruffell

Coffeeshop in an Alternate Universe, by CB Lee (YA Romance/Fantasy)

A geeky science-lover and a prophesied Chosen One’s paths collide, and they start to fall for each other, but there’s one problem: They come from literally different universes. Second dates become a lot more complicated when they require a portal. For readers of sapphic cozy YA fantasy!

The Original, by Nell Stevens (Literary Fiction)

A suspenseful, gothic work of historical fiction, The Original follows Grace, who has predilections for art, forgery, and other girls. She’s saving up money in hopes of one day leaving her family for far away, but a letter from a long-presumed dead cousin staking potential claim in the family’s wealth complicates matters for Grace and the other members of her Oxfordshire estate.

Human Rites, by Juno Dawson (Fantasy)

This is the third book in the Her Majesty’s Royal Coven trilogy. Five witches — Niamh, Ciara, Leonie, Elle and Theo — are chosen by Lucifer the demon of desire to fulfill a dark prophecy. Uh oh.

Tenderly, I Am Devoured, by Lyndall Clipstone (YA Romance)

Lacrimosa Arriscane AKA Lark is expelled from her boarding school and finds her family in financial ruin, so she accepts a marriage of convenience to a chthonic god, as one does. She becomes entangled in a sibling love triangle with a brother and sister. Romantic folk horror that promises a polyamorous bisexual romance!

Call Your Boyfriend, by Olivia A. Cole and Ashley Woodfolk (YA Romance)

This young adult sapphic rom-com follows Beau Carl, who is trying to figure out if Maia Moon, the popular girl she has been secretly hooking up with, really likes her. At the last big party before prom, Beau sees Maia about to kiss Charm Montgomery, who is thrilled that the vibes she has been picking up on in her tutoring sessions with Maia haven’t just been in her head. But then Beau interrupts the kiss, Maia accepts a promposal from her shitty boyfriend, and both Beau and Charm are left bereft. Beau and Charm team up to enact their revenge, but they start slipping into something sweeter along the way.

Am I Having Fun Now? Anxiety, Applause and Life’s Big Questions, Answered, by Suzi Ruffell (Memoir)

Comedian Suzi Ruffell writes humorously and authentically on masking anxiety with musical theater, coming out, falling in love, and becoming a parent.

July 8

The Gryphon King, by Sara Omer
Moonrising by Claire Barner
The Key To Everything: May Swenson, A Writer’s Life, by Margaret A. Brucia
Putafeminista, by Monique Prada
Climate, by Whitney Hanson
Sunburn by CHloe Michelle Howarth

The Gryphon King, by Sara Omer (Fantasy)

This is the first book in a fantasy trilogy inspired by Southwest Asian mythology. Ghouls, deadly monsters, and characters with dubious morals clash in a dynastic tale of romance, fantasy, and adventure.

Moonrising by Claire Barner (Sci-Fi)

The year is 2073, and agronomist Dr. Alex Cole moves to the first lunar colony where she falls in love. If you’re both a space nerd and a romance lover, the premise here sounds like it’ll be just for you. There’s also significant themes of climate horror and dystopia.

The Key To Everything: May Swenson, A Writer’s Life, by Margaret A. Brucia (Biography)

Whether you love lesbian poetry or lesbian literary history, you’re gonna want to get your hands on this biography of May Swenson, which pulls from her unpublished diaries as well as letters to people like fellow lesbian poet Elizabeth Bishop. The 20th century was such a fascinating time for lesbian poets, and this book particularly focuses on Swenson’s life from 1936 to 1959, during which she came of age and into her poetic voice in NYC.

Putafeminista, by Monique Prada, translated and edited by Amanda De Lisio (Nonfiction)

Activist and sex worker Monique Prada pens a work of sex-worker-centric feminism from Brazil, centering an anti-colonial and anti-whorephobia working women’s movement.

Climate, by Whitney Hanson (Poetry)

This is a revised re-release of Hanson’s collection, which features a new introduction and more than a dozen new weather-centric poems.

Sunburn, by Chloe Michelle Howarth (Literary Fiction)

This gorgeous novel about two girls falling in love in small-town Ireland in the 1990s is finally getting a U.S. publication after capturing hearts in the UK in 2023.

July 15

Wayward Girls, by Susan Wiggs
Hit Me With Your Best Charm by Lillie Vale
Climate of Chaos, by Cassandra Newbould
The Club: Where American Women Artists Found Refuge in Belle Epoque Paris, by Jennifer Dasal
Get it Out: On the Politics of Hysterectomy, by Andrea Becker
Taste the Love, by Karelia Stetz-Waters and Fay Stetz-Waters

Wayward Girls, by Susan Wiggs (Historical Fiction)

This novel follows six different girls who have been locked away in the 1968 nun-run institution Good Shepherd for the mere facts of being pregnant, gay, or otherwise difficult.

Hit Me With Your Best Charm by Lillie Vale (YA Fantasy/Romance)

Nova Marwood has long been haunted by the tragedy of her missing father hiker but has become accustomed to pretending she’s okay. She’s also very good at pretending she doesn’t have a crush on the girl she pretends to hate. Nova ends up accidentally laying a hex on said faux-nemesis.

Climate of Chaos, by Cassandra Newbould (YA Sci-Fi)

July is disability pride month, and this book features a disabled protagonist navigating a dystopian world of climate crisis and medical debt, set in a near-future Seattle ravaged by storms and a virus. Healthcare can only be earned by logging hours in the pharmaceutical factories run by society’s resident evil corporation Aegis Corp.

The Club: Where American Women Artists Found Refuge in Belle Epoque Paris, by Jennifer Dasal (Nonfiction)

Hello history heads! Here is the clandestine history of a residence for American women artists in Paris from 1893 to 1914. The American Girls’ Club in Paris opened in 1893 and housed a generation of artist and activist expatriate American women during Belle Époque Paris. This meticulously researched book looks at the community that formed there and the legacy of its women.

Get it Out: On the Politics of Hysterectomy, by Andrea Becker (Nonfiction)

Get it Out offers an inclusive study of the hysterectomy and includes medical history as well as qualitative data gathered from 100 participants, including trans men and nonbinary people in addition to cis women. It looks at how gender and race impact access to reproductive healthcare and the pushback people seeking hysterectomies often receive.

Taste the Love, by Karelia Stetz-Waters and Fay Stetz-Waters (Romance)

A sapphic rom-com for foodies, Taste the Love centers eco-chef Alice Sullivan and social media and food truck sensation Kia, who go from complicated culinary school rivals to…a public fake marriage in an attempt to save both their careers.

July 22

The Library at Hellebore, by Cassandra Khaw
Daughters of Flood and Fury, by Gabriella Buba
Volatile Memory, by Seth Haddon
Nothing Compares To You: What Sinead O'Connor Means to Us, edited by Sonya Huber and Martha Bayne
Evil-ish by Kennedy Tarrell
Sky on Fire, by E.K Johnston
So What If I’m a Puta, by Amara Moira, edited by Amanda de Lisio, and translated by Bruna Dantas Lobato

The Library at Hellebore, by Cassandra Khaw (Horror Fantasy)

I had a lot of fun with Khaw’s Nothing But Blackened Teeth, and the author is back with a dark academia novel about the Hellebore Technical Institute for the Gifted, a prestigious academy for the “dangerously powerful,” including anti-christs, ragnaroks, world-eaters, and apocalypse-makers. In other words: school from hell.

Daughters of Flood and Fury, by Gabriella Buba (Fantasy)

This is a sequel to Saints of Storm and Sorrow and continues the saga’s exploration of Filipino-inspired fantasy, featuring magic, pirates, moon-eating dragons, and sapphic romance.

Volatile Memory, by Seth Haddon (Sci-Fi Romance)

This debut is a sapphic sci-fi/action-adventure novella with cyberpunk vibes.

Nothing Compares To You: What Sinead O’Connor Means to Us, edited by Sonya Huber and Martha Bayne (Nonfiction)

A group of women and nonbinary artists and writers come together to remember the legacy of Sinead O’Connor in this anthology.

Evil-ish by Kennedy Tarrell (YA Fantasy Graphic Novel)

Hawthorne Vandercast wants to join the Brigade of Shade and leave behind their life as a potions barista. But their pursuit of villainy proves more complicated than they hoped.

Sky on Fire, by E.K Johnston (YA Sci-Fi)

A space fantasy that combines Arthurian myth and the history of North Atlantic fisheries — two things I bet you didn’t think could combine to compelling effect, but here we are! For readers of queer sci-fi/fantasy tales.

So What If I’m a Puta, by Amara Moira, edited by Amanda de Lisio, and translaed by Bruna Dantas Lobato (Essay Collection)

This essay collection from Feminist Press touches on transition, safe sex, desire, whorephobia, consent, and the history and current contexts of Brazil’s violence against trans women.

July 29

The Memory Hunters, by Mia Tsai
We Are The Match, by Mary E Roach
The Lighthouse at the Edge of the World, by J.R. Dawson
Donut Summer, by Anita Kelly

The Memory Hunters, by Mia Tsai (Romantasy)

A slow-burn romantasy with climate dystopia and dark academia vibes, this novel centers Kiana Strade, who has a special talent for collecting memories but refuses her post leading the temple she’s supposed to and instead does research for the Museum of Human Memory.

We Are The Match, by Mary E Roach (Romance)

Here we have a contemporary and queer reimagining of the Helen of Troy myth with Grecian mob families and a tale of murder and revenge.

The Lighthouse at the Edge of the World, by J.R. Dawson (Fantasy)

A Midwestern fantasy tale, this novel features a waystation for the dead on the shores of Lake Michigan in Chicago. Every night, the dead travel through the city to this waystation, guided by the titular lighthouse, where they must reckon with their lives before moving on into the great beyond, ushered by the ferryman of the dead. That ferryman’s daughter Nera notices one night that something is afoot. A living girl named Charlie has somehow boarded the boat looking for someone she has lost.

Donut Summer, by Anita Kelly (YA Romance)

Two teens working at a donut shop for the summer band together to save it and fall in love along the way in this YA debut.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1050 articles for us.

Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3338 articles for us.

1 Comment

  1. OH WOWW, thank you so much for including “The Club” on your awesome list! So, longtime Autostraddle reader, first-time commenter here– suffice to say that I was thrilled to see my book listed and I’m so grateful. (Kayla, I was especially excited to see you as one of the authors here… your coverage of “Yellowjackets” has been 100% critical to my viewership!). Thank you, thank you.

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July 2025: What’s New, Gay and Streaming on Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Peacock and Apple TV

Now that Pride Month has wrapped up we’re moving on to the very thick of summer, I wonder what will happen on the television~ If you care to wonder with me, let us gaze together into what is in store for the lesbian, bisexual, gay and trans characters on various streaming networks this month?

Netflix July 2025 in Gay

kim in "too much"

The Old Guard 2 (2025) // July 2
Andy’s (Charlize Theron) ex (as per its source material), long-lost immortal Quỳnh, will be returning to the fold as Andy and her team faces a new threat endangering their existence. Unclear if the nature of their relationship will be mentioned as most coverage of the film has focused on its (honestly quite notable) gay male couple, Joe and Nicky. Gayety has celebrated the sequel as boasting “a cast that celebrates diversity on every level — from race and nationality to gender and sexuality.”

Too Much // Season One // July 10
Lena Dunham’s new comedy for Netflix stars Hacks scene-stealer and extremely gay comic Megan Stalter as Jessica, a heartbroken New Yorker who moves to London to find herself new love story. Janicza Bravo plays Kim, her co-worker harboring a fresh new queer crush on her boss’s effortlessly cool assistant, Josie (Daisy Bevan). Also there’s a hairless dog named Astrid, and Naomi Watts, and lots of gay people and cocaine and Rita Wilson plays Jessica’s Mom and of course Andrew Ranells pops up too.

The Sandman: Season 2 // Volume 1 July 3 + V2 July 24 + V3 July 31 
The fist season of The Sandman was widely praised for its queerness, including supernatural detective Johanna Constantine (Jenna Coleman) and non-binary sibling character Desire (Mason Alexander Park). A Gay Times piece on The Sandman quoted a tweet that observed, “When I saw a TikTok saying every character in Sandman is queer I thought they were exaggerating a bit but it really is every one of them huh.” This season we’ll be traveling to the underworld of Hades, Ancient Greece, Elizabethan England, and the French Revolution. We will encounter demons, fairies, and gods. Anyhow, Neil Gaiman is a monster, but I’m still telling you about this show because the hundreds of people involved in making it should not be punished for his behavior.

Cora Bora (2023) // July 17
Megan Stalter is a struggling LA musician in an open relationship with her Portland girlfriend who returns home when her career hits a roadblock only to find her girlfriend has begun seriously dating someone new. “I love an indie about a messy bisexual,” wrote Drew. “Throw in good songs and a lovely third act, and I can forgive some imperfections. Like its protagonist, Cora Bora is at first off-putting, but in the end it proves lovable.”

The Hunting Wives: Season One // July 21
This series has bounced around a bit, finally landing on Netflix from Starz, based on May Cobb’s obstensibly heterosexual but extremely homoerotic novel about Sophie, who leaves her enviable career in Chicago to settle down with her husband and son in a small Texas town and quickly becomes obsessed with Margot Banks, an alluring socialite part of the Hunting Wives elite clique, a mysterious world of dangerous parties and late-night target practice.

Hightown (Seasons 1-3) // July 23
The Straz series set in Cape Cod stars Monica Raymund as a messy bisexual National Marine Fisheries Service Agent.

Hulu’s July 2025 Queer Stuff

two girls outside in funny outfits

Such Brave Girls // Season Two // July 2
Such Brave Girls is a riotous, disgusting, in-your-face comedy about a dysfunctional family (two sisters and a single mom, all of them varying degrees of delulu) trying and often failing to get their shit together. Josie, the center of it all, is gay, and the first season turned out surprisingly queer even beyond that. I was prepared to wait 2-3 years for the second season of this show so imagine my delight that it’s coming now. Please we beg of you catch up on Season One and watch this you will love it I promise!!! Season Two will find them continuing their impossible quest for a better life, yearning to escape the reality of their cramped little home.

Dope Girls // Season One // July 28
Set just after World War I, this six-part historical BBC drama takes place in London in 1918 and “depicts in visceral, delicious detail the birth of the modern nightlife industry guided and gilded by hard fought female endeavor.” There are sexy girls in provocative dresses and lots of GRIT and also some lesbianing does occur! Having already premiered overseas, The Guardian wrote of it, “Its ambition is entertaining, and it is hard to get bored, especially when the crime really gets going.”

HBO Max July 2025 LGBTQ+

Carol (2015) // July 1
I believe we are all at this point familiar with Carol!

Dear Ms.: A Revolution in Print (2025) // July 2
This three-part documentary promises to chronicle “the groundbreaking articles that helped define and further the discourse, showcasing the bold cover stories that dared to put abortion, home life, workplace issues, and sexual politics front and center, bringing about new language in their dissection of the gender battleground.” Promised queers include Lindsy Van Gelder, Annie Sprinkle And Veronica Vera.

Peacock’s Queer July 2025

Tár (2023) // July 27
Lydia Tár is an accomplished renowned lesbian conductor whose world begins spiraling out of control when she is accused of misconduct. Cate Blanchett stars as Lydia Tar and everybody disagreed about whether or not it was excellent or terrible.

Twisted Metal: Season 2 Premiere // July 31
Valerie adored the first season of Twisted Metal, in which Stephanie Beatriz played Quiet, a character who the actor and Valerie read as bisexual even if it may not be super obvious to all. John and Quiet are entering a deadly demolition derby known as the Twisted Metal tournament, hosted by the elusive Calypso, in a season full of killer clowns, vigilante rivals, and long-lost family drama.

Apple TV+ July 2025

Acapulco: Season 4 Premiere // July 23
In the present day, Máximo is working tirelessly to restore Las Colinas to its former glory in anticipation of the grand re-opening, and in the 1986 storyline, a young Máximo fights to ensure his property’s future after a young competitor wins the number one spot on a coveted list. Máximo’s sister, lesbian Sara Gallardo Ramos, also returns, trying to help her brother take a more political approach to challenging the status quo at Las Colinas.

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3338 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Twisted Metal is such a fun show! If every season finale has as good a needle drop moment as the first, I will continue to recommend it.

    As a wrestling fan it’s also fun knowing Samoa Joe is the body for Sweet Tooth (someone else is the voice).

  2. Absurdly excited for the return of Such Brave Girls. Watching it really is a full body experience, like this is not cringe comedy, it is almost visceral shock at where they go sometimes.

    And yes obvs I want Josie to be able to have gay feelings without running away, but weirdly I might be rooting most for her sister, maybe the most lovable deranged stalker on TV?!?!!

Comments are closed.

‘I’m a Thirty-Something Lesbian Worried I’ll Be Single Forever’

Q:

I’m a lesbian in my 30s who has been single for 5 years and not for lack of trying. And I mean that. I’ve gone on dozens of first dates through dating apps, I’ve collected many random hobbies over the years by taking classes to meet people, I attend things on my own all the time, and even recently I tried speed dating for the first time. Still, I haven’t had even the glimmer of a relationship. Haven’t even so much as kissed someone in a few years.

And I’m a total catch! I have a great job, I own my house, I’m smart, cute, and don’t speak to any of my exes! I even live in an area that is relatively queer. Yet, I’m starting to become convinced that it’ll never happen for me.

In some ways it feels like I’m waiting for the next part of my life to begin with a partner. I bought a house last year after putting it off because I had been waiting for someone to do it with and realized that I may be waiting forever. But it was an incredibly lonely experience. And I’ve had so many experiences over the last few years that I always pictured myself sharing with a partner.

If I had been sitting on my couch for the last 5 years without trying, I would understand. It’s much more painful to feel like I’ve been doing all the “right” things to try to meet someone and still come up short. Everyone in my life says I’m wonderful and to “put myself out there” but that doesn’t seem to matter. And as time passes, it becomes more difficult to hold onto the belief that I am worthy of love and will find it.

I guess my questions are: Where do I go from here? How do I keep trying without losing hope? Should I be doing anything differently?

A:

This is the thing that is most frustrating about dating imo! You can literally have everything going for you and also be truly putting yourself out there, and you can still struggle to find someone to actually date. It sucks! I have many friends spanning ages, locations, and sexualities for whom this exact situation you’ve described is true. You’re single, but you’re not alone. I believe you when you say you’re a catch! Being a homeowner ALONE should qualify you for a long line of prospective girlfriends. Owning a home?! In THIS economy?!?!! I’m impressed!

While your friends’ advice to put yourself out there is coming from a good place and indeed is the most common response to folks feeling like they’re stuck in singlehood, clearly you already are putting yourself very out there. I’m left wondering if you’re almost putting yourself too out there, casting too wide of net. That’s not a criticism! But I’m trying to figure out something else you could try so as to at least not feel like you’re in a slump. What are you looking for in a partner? What are your priorities in a relationship? Write these things down. Maybe instead of going on dozens of first dates via the dating apps, get a little more intentional with who you’re planning dates with and seek out people who fit certain things you’re looking for. I know this is sort of contrary to conventional How To Date advice, but I think it could accomplish a few things here.

For starters, the sheer volume of first dates you’re going on and attempts to date you’re making may be contributing to your feelings of exhaustion and the pain of continually putting yourself out there to no avail. It’s possible you have feelings of dating fatigue! That would be understandable! It could be better for your overall mental state to scale back some of your dating efforts while still managing to put yourself out there to some degree, which could set you up for long-term success with dating. It also could mean more of an emphasis on dating people you have some baseline compatibility with. Getting intentional about your priorities in a potential partnership can teach you a lot about what you’re looking for and then set you up to go out and find what you’re looking for!

But of course, it also isn’t as simple as just that. It takes time, but the thing we talk about less is that it takes luck. Especially when we’re queer, our dating pools are just naturally smaller. Even in a big city with a lot of queer people. You are worth of love, and I think you will find it. There is always time, and it’s never too late. If you’re low on hope, borrow some from me! I do have hope for you! I have hope for everyone when it comes to finding love, truly.

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

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14 Comments

  1. Dear letter writer,
    I, too, know many people who are in a similar situation to you (but without the house:). Surely, this does not change that you feel something you wish for is missing from your life, but I want to second Kayla in two things: a) you are not alone, and b) there is so much luck (or the lack thereof) involved in dating.
    You asked if you could do something different. I just want to point out that you are doing a lot of work already, and sometimes, that only means that the discard pile gets really big.
    I have a few questions that might be paradoxical:
    → What if there is nothing to fix? What if you already do (or did) everything you could, and there is no need for self-improvement? What if you say to yourself: I am trying, and I know want something different for myself, but I also know the result is not in my hands and I cannot control the outcome? (It might make it easier to exhale because what you describe gives me an impression of breathlessness.)
    → Why are you trying to date? (That is not a judgment or a criticism. Nothing wrong about wanting to be in a relationship!) Maybe you can dive into what you would like from a relationship (if you haven’t already). What exactly do you miss? What exactly would you like to be different? Is there anything that people in your life at this point can provide that you would like to see from a romantic partner? Surely they cannot replace what you want, and it does not minimize this feeling of loss for you. Sometimes people feel like “If I don’t have this, I don’t have anything!” – and there is so much space between these scales.
    → What if you gave yourself a break? What you currently do sounds like a lot of pressure and as if you did everything to ace the test (of dating). What if you stopped for a while and see what’s that like for you? As an experiment. No good, no bad. I tried dating, and it made me feel______. I tried to take a beak from dating, and it made me feel______.
    → How can you take good care for yourself in the time you don’t have what you long for? How can you show up for yourself and meet your own needs as much as possible while recognizing that you would like a different life for yourself?
    Maybe you’re doing all of these things (and more) already. In that case, ignore everything that does not fit!

    If you are interested and you haven’t read these articles yet, I can highly recommend them:
    https://www.autostraddle.com/i-am-single-and-my-life-feels-meaningless/
    https://www.autostraddle.com/how-do-i-date-when-im-attracted-to-hardly-anyone/

    • This reads nearly verbatim to therapy advice I have received in the past.
      100% applicable and helpful for LGBTQIA+ folk with low to mild level mental health complications.

      Unfortunately CBT can only go so far and help a certain subset of individuals.
      Apologies to my former counselor Rebecca, for being a CBT resistant terror.

      I will be forever cross with Rebecca and her coworkers for ‘hiring’ me a few years later, just to surveil me and observe my behaviors. Like an animal in a zoo. I do believe this is a violation of social work ethics. Especially if information was passed along to outside parties. Sounds like breaking HIPPA and Social Work Ethical Code.

      On the off chance this is indeed the same Rebecca, I’m glad you can help some people. But when CBT is your specialty and that specialty isn’t working, do refer out. And for the love of god do not go along with hiring someone to surveil them. It might be a good time to review the Social Work Code of Ethics.

      https://www.socialworkers.org/About/Ethics/Code-of-Ethics/Code-of-Ethics-English

    • Hi, I am really sorry this happened to you! What a shitty thing to go through! I am actually a very different Rebecca – just a stranger on the internet who apparently said something similar, who isn’t trained in psychology and just had some thoughts to share.
      All the best to you!

      • Whoops, wrong Rebecca.
        The CBT is strong with you like the other Rebecca.
        Wishing you the best as well.

  2. I just want to tell you I was single for a full 10 years with no prospects! Idk why I too am a catch. It did finally happen for me and it will for you too!

  3. I have complicated feelings about telling someone that they will find a relationship. I know – the intention is very sweet & kind! However, we cannot “promise” someone something when in fact no one knows how other people’s futures will look like.
    To clarify, I don’t mean to attack anyone here. Receiving the message “you’ll find someone, it’ll happen for you one day, too” might be exactly be the letter writer loves to see/needs to hear! People are so different! Personally, I don’t feel good when someone tells me this. I spend a lot of time with grief activism. In grief, people are quick to point out to a grieving person that things will get better. And that is very possible. But they don’t know; things can become worse as well.
    Grief is not only a thing when it comes to death, but also when life doesn’t turn out the way we had hoped (ambiguous loss). From what I’ve seen so far, saying “it will be better/ you’ll find someone…” often takes place when it’s hard to hold space for someone’s despair / sadness / uncertainty. What I personally have found helpful is something like: whatever happens, I hope you can trust yourself to take care of yourself and that you have people in your life who support you. And: I hope you can live this in a way that feels true to yourself and that you can be proud of yourself, given this is the life you have now though you wanted differently.

  4. Isn’t there space for both Ellybelly and Yasmine’s sentiments?

    Ellybelly’s message seems to be one of hope. Although the message could have been more explicitly named hope, shouldn’t there be room for this? In context of online messages on forums, I think this type of message has a place without being dismissive. Having hope is not inherently a bad message.
    Living with or being close to and in contact with someone who couldn’t figure out how to ‘hold’ grief of, or be present with, a grieving person is a different story. That could ‘make the grief worse.’ I’m don’t think this incident is that situation, but it’s good to be aware of. Toxic positivity won’t lift the grief off a heavy grieving heart.

    Yasmine’s message is more focused on attention on what can be controlled, like building self-confidence, and creating a supportive community of likeminded people who share goals. Note the attention shift from the grief to action while simultaneously gently reminding those who are grieving that it’s okay to feel the grief, and that there is more immediate hope in other areas of their lives. Reviving agency is key, and I think it is a fantastic message of hope with some general direction for action.

    (I assume) We all know that life is a series of ups and downs. Things get better and worse all the time both in small everyday ways, and in chapters of years being ‘better or worse’ than the last. This is all in flux.
    Because that’s a given, I really do not think it’s helpful or worthwhile to use the framework of “you don’t know (the grief) it’ll get better- it could get worse.”
    Unless something seriously out of the norm happens, life kind of will drudge on like business as usual, with small moments of contentment, joy, inconvenience, anger, ect.
    Ideally, with the agency of the griever, the situation will improve due to their own efforts.
    That’s the hope at work.

    It is true, people today generally do struggle to know how to be present with someone who grieves and sometimes can do more harm than good in these interactions.
    At the end of the day, a message of hope seems essential. There are different ways to offer the message. Ellybelly’s message comes across as a more casual message of hope and validation (the ‘been there too, it’s real’ kind). This approach does well with general everyday encounters/interactions.
    Yasmine’s message offers the sit with you in the feelings validation plus attention shift to areas with more personal agency. Generally, I’d expect this with a small handful of people in life, or my therapist.
    It’s a wonderful approach, but should be used with discretion.
    Using Yasmine’s approach with everyone who grieves is almost certain to create emotional burnout. And perhaps the resentment that comes with it. Again, great approach, use at your own discretion.

    Anyways just the two cents from someone with too much time on a hot summer day.

    • I get that many people want hope. Hope can be wonderful. To me personally, hope is a big vague concept that can mean so much different things. When hope is mentioned generally, my question is: hope in what? Hope in whom? Hope in how?

      For example, if I hope that I will be in a wonderful relationship & have a good job in one year, that’s hope in a very specific outcome, and if this doesn’t happen, I will likely be disappointed & feel bad. I may consider myself a failure because it did not turn out the way I wanted, and I may think that I didn’t do my work “correctly.” But if I say to myself: how do I want to feel in the next year?, that feels different. Then, I can ask myself: what can I do / what is in my power to make it more likely that I will feel this way?

      Hope in something very specific (a speedy recovery, getting pregnant, someone waking up from a coma…) gets disappointed all the time. So my approach now is: how can I take care for myself and how can I carry myself through this – given that this is what I have to live?

      I agree with you that life is a series of ups & downs and things get better & worse in small & bigger ways. And then, there are a number of people who had major successive losses in a short time period. If someone tells them: “In five years, it can be much better!” they are like: “Well, it can also be worse. Five years ago, I had no idea that my mom would be murdered, my ex-partner would not survive their car accident, my friend would die of cancer and I would miscarry. So I am dreading the years to come.”
      That might not be the norm, but I cannot tell you how many people experience a number of deaths or other devastating and life-changing losses in a short period of time & consequently expect bad things to come their way precisely because this was their experience.

      You said that using my approach with everyone who grieves will almost certain to create emotional burnout. Can you say more about it? Personally, I have made better experiences with it than with casual hope/encouragement I used in the past because people felt I didn’t understand them/ their grief / pain / whatever the case. But I would like to hear more.

      • Sorry to hear about the unfortunate series of losses, ie: death of mother, partner, friend and miscarriage. That’s tough to hear.

        Grief work is incredibly emotionally exhausting. You don’t have to be a nurse or therapist to experience it. Although those professions will have high levels of exposure at the workplace, family members, partners, friends, or anyone emotionally close to someone who grieves has a higher risk level. Same goes for those with generally high levels of empathy.
        Our society isn’t really structured in a way to properly support many individuals, including those who are grieving, or those who care for the suffering.

        Hopefully this article can explain both burnout and compassion fatigue better than I can.

        https://www.verywellmind.com/compassion-fatigue-the-toll-of-caring-too-much-7377301

  5. I feel you, letter writer. Also, I love the thoughtfulness in the response and all of the comments.

    I have had a few relationships over the years with increasingly longer periods of being single. I have built a beautiful life with friends and community during my time as a single person, but I still deeply yearn for a romantic relationship. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself when I think about how it is that the one thing I want above all else is not attainable right now and the love for my amazing friends just doesn’t fully fill that void.

    Recently I spoke with my therapist about how to move forward in life and do things I always planned to do with a partner, like maybe buying a condo. It’s been a heartbreaking process in many ways but I just have to hold on to hope that I will find my person and they will fit into the life I have built and I into theirs. For me, this hope is what keeps me going. Some days the 30 somethings dating pool feels extra small, but I try to remind myself that people move, break up, come out, etc. every day and I do believe one day I will find my person.

  6. I was single for many years and what helped me was understanding that there is literally nothing wrong with me for not finding a partner.

    After a long break from dating, once I put myself back out there I was encouraged to pay attention to how I’m feeling during the date and be open to any outcome; rather than wait for the dating to “work” and result in a relationship.

  7. I’m mid 30s and have made peace with never finding a romantic partner. It is what it is. I find it easier to plan my life around never being in a romantic relationship than hoping it will happen one day.
    Very few people fit my standards and I refuse to budge on them, even if it means never dating again.

Comments are closed.

‘Daggerheart’ Is a New, Even Queerer D&D From the Team Behind ‘Critical Role’

For the majority of their history, tabletop roleplaying games like Dungeons & Dragons were predominantly made for and by a single demographic: cisgender, heterosexual white men. While marginalized people have always been a part of tabletop culture, the last decade has seen actual play shows like Critical Role (where actors play tabletop games for an audience) introduce the hobby to new, more diverse generations than ever before. This larger cultural awareness has highlighted Dungeons & Dragons’ long, problematic history of bigotry and exclusion that it’s only just begun to reckon with. Paired with a series of industry scandals from D&D’s publisher Wizards of the Coast, this desire to engage tabletop games in a way that reflects our experiences and desires has led to a crop of “D&D Killers” rising to take its place. One such game, the newly released Daggerheart, is attempting to hold onto what makes D&D special while explicitly centering queer and disabled people.

“Tabletop games are a really powerful medium for storytelling as a genre, for escapism, for community building,” says Daggerheart’s senior producer Elise Rezendes. “A tabletop game allows players to explore different identities or explore different relationships, different environments beyond the one that they have in their own corporeal experience.”

Daggerheart is the most recent project of Darrington Press, Critical Role’s publishing arm that has printed other games like the eldritch horror Candela Obscura and the conversational card game about toxic power dynamics, For The Queen. In a lot of ways, Daggerheart looks like D&D. However, it’s D&D the way Critical Role plays it — or in other words, it’s D&D for theater kids. With a diverse, powerhouse team of designers, editors, artists, and producers, Daggerheart takes pieces from some of the best independent tabletop games of the last two decades and blends them into something new that is familiar to the most seasoned hobbyists and welcoming to those who’ve never rolled a d20 before.

“I am hoping that Daggerheart is the kind of game that people can learn over the course of two hours with their friends and loved ones at the table,” says Rezendes. “The nuance and the mastery can come later, but we wanted to build a system where onboarding was fun, supported, and fast.”

The game cites over 18 games as inspirations for its design — many of which have queer themes and designers — including the heist-centric Blades in the Dark, the world-saving monster RPG Apocalypse Keys, the angsty teen superhero game Masks: A New Generation, and the portal-hopping skater game Slugblaster. “For Daggerheart, we’ve tried to learn lessons from several approaches and synthesize them,” says Mike Underwood, a nonbinary designer and author who worked as one of the primary writers for the game. “Daggerheart is designed for explicit inclusion and metaphorical representation from the top to the bottom with a focus on collaboration and empowering players to make space and take up space for themselves and their own creativity. To create worlds and stories that reflect who they are and what they want to see in their rpg stories.”

Like D&D, Daggerheart builds on traditional fantasy aesthetics, with familiar classes like wizards, rogues, and bards. Players take on the roles of heroes, with a game master who takes on the role of everything else. Instead of the traditional fantasy “races” (a term that comes with decades of baggage), Daggerheart offers multiple ancestries for player characters, ranging from traditional elves, goblins, and dwarves, to anthropomorphic turtles, frogs, fungi, and more. Each player also comes from a community, which informs their skills and how they move through the world. Mechanically, there are stats like strength and knowledge, and you roll dice to determine if you succeed or fail (though the main die is a d12 instead of the standard d20). However, unlike D&D, Daggerheart doesn’t focus on long, drawn out combat; instead it puts narrative front and center. Rather than taking hours to crunch numbers like it would in D&D, character creation focuses on asking questions about who your character is, what their dramatic backstory might be, and how they came to be a part of this band of travelling adventurers.

“Narrative is not something that is divorced from tabletop games,” says Rezendes. “In tabletop games, you are the story. You’re actively collaborating with your other players, finding what makes you heroic by being set up against different circumstances, seeing who you are in those moments, and then growing. And that doesn’t happen outside of the lens of self identity, but it also allows you to put on different kinds of spectacles. What does the world look like through this tint of a rogue’s sunglasses? It just allows you to play in life in a fun and new way together with people that you love and admire.”

While focusing on narrative and minimizing math is one element of Daggerheart’s attempt to be more accessible, the efforts towards a more welcoming type of tabletop game are present in both the world of the game and how the designers chose to present it. The character art throughout the game book casually depicts a diverse world, showing a range of ancestries, genders, body types, abilities, and sexualities. A tense, sapphic moment is the splash page of the second chapter, a broad-chested man with top surgery scars is on the page describing damage rolls, and characters with mobility aids are included throughout the book. An entire section in character creation is dedicated to essays for players on how to respectfully and intentionally depict disabled characters, written by disabled designers. These elements aren’t unique to Daggerheart, but their presence and intentionality stands as a beacon of hope as marginalized people are facing discrimination and erasure from governments around the globe.

“One of the great joys of working on Daggerheart was the notion of starting from an open slate,” says Rue Dickey, a trans disabled designer who organizes the annual Trans Rights TTRPG bundle, which has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for trans organizations across the United States. “I wasn’t brought on to ‘add’ diverse bodies and expressions, but rather to help shape the ones that were already in the game. There were already concepts for magical and technological prosthetics, different forms of mobility aids, and other access devices like hearing aids. There were already trans bodies, fat bodies, people with scars and limb differences and all manner of tattoos. The team came into Daggerheart wanting to bring a wide variety of fantasy people into the world, so that real people can see ourselves in the stories we tell! It was wonderful to work with a team that was always willing to make adjustments and improvements, and could turn an idea jam into dozens of concept sketches that made me vibrate with joy at how lived in the world of Daggerheart is.”

Rezendes says this dedication to visual diversity was “first and foremost” for the production team. A secondary goal for Rezendes as a producer was to “reset the default of what a protagonist looks like depicted in tabletop game arcs.” To do that, Rezendes kept an intricate spreadsheet. “We tracked in every single art piece, gender representation, age, ability, body type, ethnicity, Ancestry, Community, Heritage, which is a blend of both real world demographics and Daggerheart‘s demographics specifically. We had it from every intersectional mathematical possibility. Because queer people are also disabled. They also are POC. They also are elderly. Inclusivity is all inclusive. You can’t divorce it from one another. Being depicted in the art felt like you belong on this page, you belong in this piece, you belong in this game, you belong at this table, that’s what we wanted to do. That’s what we worked so hard to try to do.”

In making this game, Rezendes — who has designed introductory RPG games like The Session Zero System through her own company Mythic Grove Productions — says the most important aspect of this game has been ensuring “that people who have not been centered are centered and they’re centered by people in their own community. I wanted to be able to put art on a page that would have made me feel safe telling the kind of stories I wanted to when I was younger and was dipping my toes in this world. We consulted with a ton of folks to be able to make sure that in our attempt, we were doing that with kindness. We were doing it powerfully. And we were doing it with the biggest invitation that we possibly could. Like, come and play. Come and play.”

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Rowan Zeoli

Rowan Zeoli is a journalist from Brooklyn, New York. Her work covers the intersections of gender and niche counterculture, and can be seen in Polygon and Tripsitter, among other publications.

Rowan has written 5 articles for us.

Alexandra Shipp Plays Reneé Rapp’s Girlfriend in New Music Video

Reneé Rapp has dropped another single from her upcoming album Bite Me and with it, a music video in which Barbie Movie’s Alexandra Shipp plays her girlfriend who is the embodiment of the song title: mad.

In the music video, Reneé is dressed like an Old Hollywood diva in furs, a scarf, and sunglasses, while her girlfriend (played by Shipp, who is dressed in a very fashionable suit) brushes off her attention, obviously pissed off at her gal pal. Reneé seems more annoyed at her girlfriend’s anger than apologetic, saying that she’s wasting time being mad…time that they could be spending having sex. While Reneé tries to get her angry beau’s attention, her and her friends also trash a hotel room, Alexandra’s character patently ignoring them and taking an angry phone call. Toward the end of the video, Reneé is swinging from a chandelier and falls, and Alexandra momentarily stops mean mugging to show genuine concern, and from there she looks a bit more bemused by Reneé’s antics than mad. Overall a very cute, fun, gay, and extremely on-brand music video for Miss Rapp.

In an interview with Variety, Alexandra Shipp said, “There’s a lot of things that I thought were going to be on my 2025 bingo card. Being a sexy lesbian video vixen was not on it. I am so honored to be a part of it. And I think that we definitely played off a very hot power couple.”

And I, for one, wholeheartedly agree. Check out the full music video here:

Swing Into More Headlines

+ Maisie Richardson-Sellers tells Out how she fought to make sure her Nine Perfect Strangers character’s queerness felt “full and authentic”

+ The L Word: Gen Q‘s Sepideh Moafi is going to be joining the cast of The Pitt and hopefully gaying up the place a bit

+ Good news, sports gays: the WNBA is expanding to more cities

+ ICYMI, Marvel’s Ironheart is finally here and features some queer actors/characters

+ I Wish You All the Best is a film about a non-binary teen (Corey Fogelmanis) who gets kicked out of their house and moves in with their estranged sister (Alexandra Daddario) and her husband (Cole Sprouse???)

+ Lorde released her full album Virgin, on which she covers topics including embracing “an evolving gender identity”

+ Eva Victor (who uses they/she pronouns) is the writer, director, and star of their independent film about sexual assault “Sorry, Baby” – which also features queer actress Kelly McCormack

+ Sex Education‘s Emma Mackey plays queer and the daughter of lesbian actress Fiona Shaw in the admittedly-unappealingly-named film Hot Milk

+ Sarah Michelle Gellar wants to bring everyone back from the dead (hopefully including the beloved Tara McClay) for the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot

+ Also this is more of a “fun fact” than properly a news story, but if you’ve been watching the latest Melanie Scrofano (Wynonna Earp) show Revival and were also confused as to how we went three episodes of a Canadian sci-fi show with no lesbians: Fear not, according to one of the showrunners, they are coming.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
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Valerie Anne

Valerie Anne (she/they) a TV-loving, video-game-playing nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories in all forms. While having a penchant for sci-fi, Valerie will watch anything that promises a good story, and especially if that good story is queer.

Valerie has written 656 articles for us.

3 Comments

  1. the buffy link is behind a paywall D:

    also when did [i already forget dylan or cole] sprouse become kinda hot?

  3. the Pitt!! Plus sepideh!! ooh yes!

    The Pitt is my favourite new show of the last few years. I’m so happy!

Comments are closed.

Every Queer Criterion Closet Video

I’ve loved the Criterion Collection since the summer of 2007 when I got The Red Shoes, Seven Samurai, and Ace in the Hole in a Barnes & Noble buy-two-get-one-free sale. Not only did the home video label allow me to watch a wide range of new films — they also provided so many special features to obsess over as a child who wanted to be a filmmaker.

My love has only increased over the last five years since they became the rare company to hear critiques — including my own — and actually improve. Their vision of the canon used to be so limited and now it has expanded for the benefit of us all!

For many years, their Criterion Closet videos have shown celebrities — often people who are at the offices for one of their films — making selections of the Criterion releases that have meant the most to them or that they most want to check out. It’s such a joy to watch people geek out about movies! And so I’ve gathered all the videos from queer people with some thoughts on their selections.

Agnès Varda

As I discussed a couple weeks ago, yes, Agnès Varda was bisexual. She was also a fan of Girls! I love listening to Varda talk about art and her selections from Campion to Kiarostami to Lena Dunham are excellent. Also The Marriage of Maria Braun is the film that caused me to fall in love with Fassbinder’s work.

Favorite pick: An Angel at My Table (1990)

Andrew Haigh

Visiting the closet with actress Charlotte Rampling, the director of Weekend and All of Us Strangers has such fun banter with his 45 Years lead actress. His picks are also very British! Which I say with minimal judgment! How could a gay British boy not shout out Merchant/Ivory and Sunday Bloody Sunday I suppose.

Favorite pick: Black Narcissus (1947)

Aubrey Plaza

Visiting the closet with her late husband and collaborator Jeff Baena, Plaza’s picks feel very in line with her creative voice from Ghost World to Scenes from a Marriage to Harold and Maude to 3 Women to picking I Married a Witch based on the title and cover art — something I also did once.

Favorite pick: Safe (1995)

Ayo Edebiri

Ayo is a true cinephile!!! This is one of the best of these videos not just because of the picks — which are excellent — but because of how Ayo talks about movies.

Favorite pick: Charade (1963) or To Sleep with Anger (1990) (don’t make me choose)

Bowen Yang

I also really love how the picks are talked about here. And as someone whose favorite John Waters film is Multiple Maniacs, thrilled to see that represent the director. Also very relatable how in the final moments he snags two huge box sets.

Favorite pick: The Complete Films of Agnès Varda

Charlotte Wells

This gets extra points for her quoting Brief Encounter: “I’ve fallen in love. I’m an ordinary woman. I didn’t know such violent things could happen to ordinary people.” And for the confirmation that the final shot of Aftersun was inspired by La Chambre. (I hope Criterion sent her the Chantal Akerman Blu-Ray set once they finally rescued those early films from the Eclipse label.)

Favorite pick: Eclipse 19 Chantal Akerman in the 70s which is now Out of Print so get this even better Akerman set instead

Cheryl Dunye

The first of many closet jokes on this list! So cool hearing Cheryl Dunye talk about Hollis Frampton and the influence of video art and experimental cinema on her work. And her picks overall might be the very best since she snags the Akerman, Varda, and Marlon Riggs sets. Truly cannot put into words how happy it makes me that The Watermelon Woman is finally in the Criterion Collection.

Favorite pick: The Signifyin’ Works of Marlon Riggs

Desiree Akhavan

In this video, Desiree Akhavan talks about taking a directing class with Ira Sachs — more from him later — and being introduced to the films of John Cassavetes. She also talks about the influence of Safe on The Miseducation of Cameron Post. Perfect video.

Favorite pick: Do the Right Thing (1989)

Elegance Bratton

I love the shoutouts here to Douglas Sirk and Melvin Van Peebles. It kind of feels passé to single out Rashomon among Kurosawa’s work but it remains my favorite and I appreciate what Bratton has to say about the film here. Also he shares that The Battle of Algiers is his favorite film of all time which given The Inspection is… interesting!

Favorite pick: The Battle of Algiers (1966) or Some Like It Hot (1959) (simply cannot choose)

Gregg Araki

This is one of those director videos where every pick together makes so much sense for the artist’s voice. Bringing Up Baby meets Twin Peaks Fire Walk with Me meets Pink Flamingos with a dash of Godard.. yeah I’ve seen The Doom Generation!

Favorite pick: Bringing Up Baby (1938)

Hari Nef

Leave it to a trans woman to pick some Almodóvar. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown is among my favorites and a great pick along with so many other great choices like The Naked Kiss, Grey Gardens, and possibly my all-time favorite Criterion release: the restored edition of The Red Shoes. Also yes shoutout Design for Living, an incredible early throuple movie.

Favorite pick: The Red Shoes (1948)

Ira Sachs

Very relatable to call being in the Criterion Closet an erotic experience. This video also has some fun facts like how Sachs wanted to write about The Killing of a Chinese Bookie in college but Gena Rowlands wouldn’t send him a print so he wrote about Tati’s Playtime. He also shares that Little Men was inspired by Ozu’s I Was Born But… and Good Morning and a scene in Love Is Strange was inspired by a moment in Bergman’s The Magic Flute. Very good picks and a very good video from Passages director and Desiree Akhavan’s professor!

Favorite pick: Charulata (1964)

Isabel Sandoval

“This is the next best thing to transitioning” is an incredible way to start one of these. Picks like The Age of Innocence fit with the swooning romance of Isabel’s work! I also love the idea of spinning around and picking something at random.

Favorite pick: John Cassavetes Five Films or The Complete Films of Agnès Varda

Jaboukie Young-White and River L. Ramirez

A unique video since it’s five comics making their picks at the same time. I think only two are queer but correct me if I’m wrong. Not a ton of deep dives but everyone is having a good time!

Favorite pick: Some Like It Hot (1959)

Janelle Monáe

This is another unique one because icon Janelle Monáe kept her picks all on theme with Halloween. It’s like a fun little film school class on horror and horror-adjacent films taught by the hottest professor you could imagine.

Favorite pick: Eraserhead (1977)

Jenni Olson

I enjoy listening to Jenni talk about movies more than just about anyone. She has great picks here and I especially appreciate the choice of the Louis Malle documentaries Eclipse set, a collection I got when I was way too young that challenged me in the best way.

Favorite pick: Desert Hearts (1985)

Jeremy O. Harris

At eight minutes and nineteen seconds this is by far the longest of these videos, but it’s worth it. “There’s a lot of required to be gay in my opinion and a lot of that required reading is in movies. And a lot of those movies are weird and European.” Yes, agreed. Everyone should make their friends watch Teorema. Also love the reveal that he shares a birthday with the Marquis de Sade. This one is for the Geminis.

Favorite pick: Teorema (1968)

Joel Kim Booster

Despite starting the video saying he has bad taste, his picks are good! I am also thrilled and a bit surprised that The Others is now in the collection. And how could anyone not love The Philadelphia Story?

Favorite pick: In the Mood for Love (2000)

John Early

John Early has been in the Criterion Closet at least twice and I wish there was a video of his visit with Stress Positions director Theda Hammel but we do have this one with Jacqueline Novak. A fun, chaotic energy here and I do love that they stumble upon one of my favorite queer horror movies: The Uninvited. Also it’s the movie I love most that I’m least likely to recommend but I agree that Fat Girl is such a special movie and I’m sorry if you watch it because we’re saying that.

Favorite pick: Fat Girl (2001)

John Waters

The Blob to 8½ is so very John Waters and this video does not disappoint with his wide range of picks. I do not share his love for Beyond the Valley of the Dolls but something I love about Waters’ taste is it’s always a mix of work I love and work I do not.

Favorite pick: 8½ (1963)

Julia Fox

Pretty sure she is the only person to enter the closet with a briefcase, but she really gets points from me for crying as she talks about Almodóvar. She also does a random pick and ends up with Ugetsu which is such an incredible film to stumble upon!

Favorite pick: All About My Mother (1999)

Julio Torres

Overall such good picks from the creator of Fantasmas, one of the few TV shows I’ve seen in recent years that has made me feel the possibility of art. A mix of humor and horror and idosyncracity that fits right in with his own work. I love the way Where Is the Friend’s Home? and After Hours become in conversation with one another.

Favorite pick: Y Tu Mamá También (2001)

Karyn Kusama

Obsessed with Karyn Kusama going with a theme as specific as “how do we address power, what do we do with power.” Rewatching this video — and watching Visconti’s Rocco and His Brothers for the first time this month — has reminded me I need to get the Criterion edition of The Damned because I’ve owned the same very old DVD for many years and I’m sure the Criterion version is gorgeous. God I love her selections so much and this is probably the video with the most choices I haven’t seen.

Favorite pick: Three Films by Luis Buñuel

Katya Zamolodchikova

I didn’t realize Katya was such a cinephile and this was such a delight to watch a few weeks ago. Starting with a Tarkovsky film and eventually making it to Todd Solondz’s Happiness does feel right for her though.

Favorite pick: Querelle (1982)

Lee Daniels

The Fellini set that Daniels starts with is going to be my next big Criterion purchase. Also more Querelle love here! Daniels describes his taste/inspirations as “a little euro, a little ghetto, a little homo” but then also throws in The Piano a movie that I loved so fiercely for so many years and really need to revisit. (The Paperboy should get a Criterion release.) Woah who said that?

Favorite pick: Essential Fellini

Lily Gladstone and Erica Tremblay

I’m obsessed with Lily Gladstone and Hirokazu Kore-eda becoming pals on the Cannes Jury. After Life was the movie I watched the night before my 30th birthday and it’s a really special one. I haven’t seen Gladstone’s first two picks so I need to change that, but once Erica Tremblay arrives her first pick is Certain Women and God do I love that film and Gladstone in it. Also very cute that they pick movies for each other.

Favorite pick: Certain Women (2016)

Maya Hawke

Imagine your dad was Ethan Hawke. Seems like fun! Their banter here is very sweet and I am also very much a Children of Paradise missionary. I’m dead at the reveal that Ethan Hawke took Uma Thurman to see Husbands on one of their first dates.

Favorite pick: Children of Paradise (1945)

Nathan Lane

Nathan Lane says his husband loves Rififi and that reminds me the two of them happened to be in my theatre for Black Bag. I bet his husband loved it! We’ve had Beyond the Valley of the Dolls gays but finally a Valley of the Dolls gay. I love how many of these he hasn’t seen and he’s just taking based on actors and vibes.

Favorite pick: Mikey and Nicky (1976)

St. Vincent

For some reason St. Vincent isn’t really on my radar anymore, but I was obsessed with her in high school and high school me would’ve melted at her saying, “Oh! Do we have The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant?” I think we should get an update on whether she watched the Chantal Akerman films and what she thought of them, because pretty sure based on her other picks she fell in love.

Favorite pick:  Chantal Akerman Masterpieces, 1968–1978

Todd Haynes

More beautiful Brief Encounter love! Everyone watch Brief Encounter! I always love when people pull out films to mention but then are like “I already have this” like he does. This video could be an hour long and I’d be happy.

Favorite pick: In a Lonely Place (1950)

Trace Lysette

Moonstruck and Love Jones are such incredible romance picks. Also Thelma and Louise lets be honest. I hope Trace did end up watching Satyricon with a joint because that sounds like a perfect experience.

Favorite pick: All About My Mother (1999)

Want to make some purchases of your own? The Barnes & Noble 50% off Criterion sale is now through July 27. Can’t afford to buy? Subscribe to The Criterion Channel or go to your local library!!! The library is how I watched most Criterions as a kid.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 738 articles for us.

5 Comments

  3. Sometimes I decide I really am far too old for this site (and I don’t mean millennial-style “I’m so oooooold”–I am actually on the doorstep of elderly), but then there’s an article like this that I would find nowhere else. This must have been a chore to put together, and this old lady thanks you!

  4. This is so delightful! I’m just booking in my art house cinema movies for the summer so I’ll keep an eye out for ones here I’ve not seen!

    also yes brief encounter my god

  5. I think The Others has had a little bit of a renaissance in recent years. A lot of younger YouTube reactors have reacted to that movie, Nicole Kidman shouted it out as one of her favorites she’s ever done, and I’ve seen it on some Best of lists. It helps that a lot of people watching it for the first time now don’t know that it came out shortly after Sixth Sense (although it was written BEFORE Sixth Sense). And it’s actually still not an easy twist to guess. A lot of people give themselves credit for what’s essentially a half-guess, and most of them who did make the half-guess at some point get fooled out of it again because of the way the movie structures everything.

    But that’s almost beside the point: Unlike Sixth Sense, The Others is a movie that rewards re-watching, so even if you know the entire twist it’s still fantastic viewing. Perhaps the only thing in Sixth Sense that is worth re-watching is Toni Collette’s scene near the end.

Comments are closed.

‘King of Drag’ Embodies Masculinity Icons Steve Irwin, Sylvester Stallone, and Ira Glass

King of Drag is back for its second week and everyone gets a chance to show more of who they are and what they can do. On any competition show, each subsequent episode has less exposition and that’s especially true with a new series.

But this week we do get to start by meeting the kings out of drag. Drag Race really only does this in its final episodes when the queens talk to their younger selves. Here everyone goes around and says their out of drag names and most say their out of drag pronouns. I really appreciated this look at the wide range of people who can be drag kings!

Last week I said Big D was by far the oldest because that’s what he said, but Buck Wylde is almost 50 as well! They’re also both parents and married to men. The show gives them both space to talk about their relationships to gender and performing without trying to put them into easy boxes.

The theme is comedy and Murray’s Somebody Somewhere costar Jeff Hiller is there to coach the kings on improv. The weenie challenge is more of an exercise, one that will be familiar to anyone who did improv in high school. (Dick shares that he briefly did improv in high school to be near a crush which is a gorgeous adolescent experience.) They split into three teams and have to mansplain given topics one word at a time. The kings are not good at this !! As far as I’m concerned, the only king who does this well — listening and injecting comedy — is Big D. But Alexander, Henlo, and Buck Wylde win for at least being relatively in sync.

I don’t mind that the show feels as much like drag king school as it does a competition. An improv game before they have to improv more seriously was nice! Considering how many queens come on Drag Race All Stars still not being able to sew, a mini challenge crash course could probably serve them well. Teacher Jeff gives some key comedy advice: Don’t let the audience know when you screw up.

The beefy challenge this week is The Dong Show, a talent show where the kings have to do their talents while doing celebrity impersonations. They get two hours to prepare — a whole half hour more than last week!

Earlier Perka talks about being autistic, and this whole episode he seems very overwhelmed and insecure. He was an immediate favorite for me, but I fear his anxieties might get the best of him in this competition. Meanwhile, Dick has chilled out a bit since last week and I like him a lot more. And speaking of anxiety, Murray shares with Charles that the way he used to conquer stage fright was to engage directly with the audience.

We also get some moments of Dick talking about sobriety, Pressure K talking about having PCOS, and Buck talking about attending Catholic school.

Joining Jeff and the regular judges — Tenderoni, Sasha Velour, and Wang Newton — is another Somebody Somewhere costar Bridget Everett!

The celebrity impressions are Buck as the devil, Big D as Sylvester Stallone, Dick as Steve Irwin, Henlo as Jack Black, Molasses as Ira Glass, Charles as Nosferatu, Perka as Steve Urkel, Alexander as Justin Bieber, and Pressure K as Rick Ross. They all start off talking to Murray and then one by one do their performances followed by some questions from the judges.

Buck struggles and I think part of it is doing something like the devil is really hard. I get the appeal if impressions aren’t your thing, but I think we’ve learned from Drag Race that abstract impressions are even harder. Alexander has the look and is talented at dancing but there’s just no humor. Big D as Stallone trying to fold a fitted sheet is very funny but here’s where I nitpick… it bothers me when people do celebrity impressions but are just impersonating one of their characters. Stallone is not Rocky Balboa! If you’re impersonating Rocky then be Rocky! Henlo has the same problem! Playing the trombone with his feet was impressive but he was very specifically doing School of Rock which wasn’t even necessary because Jack Black was in a band.

Dick was one of the standouts especially with the improv. I thought they could’ve incorporated the brass instruments into their performance and a bit more organically but the banter with Murray and the judges was sharp. And then there’s Molasses. I’m curious how many of the kings are jealous, how many are horny, and how many are both. Ira Glass is such a funny choice for Molasses and also very smart because Glass talks so slowly that it allowed Molasses whose strength isn’t improv to have time to respond well. Also he did push ups! In a sleeveless shirt! I asked for horny and I got it.

I thought Charles as Nosferatu was so funny. His recitation of “What Does the Fox Say” as a poem wasn’t maybe the best choice for the character, but all his improv moments killed me. I also thought Pressure K was great as Rick Ross and his ribbon performance was very funny.

Sadly, Perka struggles a lot. Mostly because he changes from Urkel into Sonic which was baffling until he later explains that’s because Jaleel White voiced Sonic something he thought was common knowledge. Alas not for me or the judges! And once the joke didn’t land, his insecurity got the best of him and he kind of fell apart.

Charles, Pressure K, and Henlo are all safe. The tops are Big D, Dick, and Molasses. The bottoms are Buck, Alexander, and Perka. I thought the win would go to Dick to spread the love, but nope Molasses was the clear winner and he wins again!

The Final Thrust this week is one minute of stand up. Buck is doing okay but doesn’t time it well so doesn’t get to say his big punchline. Perka does pretty good even if it feels more like a roast than standup. I did think it was funny how everyone groaned when he said being a trans guy and a drag king have a lot in common since people call both male impersonation. Let the trans guy make a joke! Don’t groan to prove your ally bonafides!

With a four to one vote, Perka is saved and Buck says goodbye. Now I just need Perka to get some confidence!

Showbiz! Here are some random thoughts:

+ I didn’t mention this last time but the opening credits are really fun. My screener doesn’t have finished credits but I want to look up who designed them.

+ Alexander says he wants to save more of his talents for later in the competition and no that’s a bad idea! Give it all from the top!

+ Jeff says that Rocky didn’t win and Big D says yes he did and Jeff admits to not having seen Rocky. But Jeff was right?? In the first Rocky, he does not win!

+ I appreciate the standard of drag Sasha is holding them to as a judge. Even though Big D was in the top, she critiques him for his beard falling off.

+ King I’m rooting for: Molasses (even though he does not need it)

+ King I’m horniest for: Molasses

+ King I want to appreciate himself more: Perka

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 738 articles for us.

7 Comments

  2. Can someone post a link to the Season 2 survey? There is a QR code that displays to take a survey for Season 2, but my fone cant take fotos so I cant access the link with only a QR code.

  3. omg i love this Everything Everywhere — I mean Somebody Somewhere! cast reunion!! I love that sweet show and it’s so nice to see them all together and clearly friends <3 :,)

  4. I’m loving this show so much so far! Thoughts about this episode:
    -The highlight was seeing the Somebody, Somewhere crew back together on my TV 😭
    -I feel like combining a talent challenge and impersonation challenge was maybe too much, for the episode and for the kings? I would have loved to see their individual talents showcased first, so the kings could demonstrate how their talents complement their drag personas. And then they could have a separate challenge for the impersonations later in the season. (Just like Drag Race does it…😬)
    -While Buck was doing the Devil, I kept thinking of Trinity the Tuck doing Satan in the All Star’s Season 7 Snatch Game episode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wrJQhI1lQw). Conceptual can be funny, but you need a specific take!
    -Speaking of Drag Race, I keep wondering what this show would be like without Drag Race setting the blueprint. Impossible to say, but I would love to see this show evolve more into its own thing in future seasons. (Manifesting more seasons for them!!)
    -Molasses and Dick: call me?

  5. Big D’s set had me in TEARS i get the facial hair was coming off but i will now be laughing my ass off every time i fold fitted sheets

  6. I do agree with your comment about being annoyed when people do impressions of a character not the actor (it’s annoyed me since Ben De La Creme’s Maggie Smith so I have held this grudge for YEARS) but am I right in thinking part of the reason they have to do this is because of copyright risk for copyrighted characters?

Comments are closed.

Quiz: Which Queer Discourse Are You?

It’s pride weekend and I hope you’re out celebrating with friends and NOT fighting with strangers on the internet. But if I learned one thing from Sarah Schulman’s early novels it’s that queer discourse has existed since before online spaces. You just used to have to knock on someone’s door to let them know you no longer consider them part of your community.

But have you ever wondered which common queer discourse is most like you? Which of these endless arguments shares your essence? Well, now you can find out by pausing the in-fighting and taking this quiz!

Which Queer Discourse Are You?

Who are you most likely to discourse with?(Required)
When are you most likely to discourse?(Required)
Which of these astrological signs do you identify with most either in other people or yourself?(Required)
Pick a recent Autostraddle article:(Required)
Pick an underrated queer movie (that you probably haven’t seen) based on the title:(Required)
Who would you most want to celebrate Pride with?(Required)
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Which of these supernatural creatures shouldn’t be allowed at Pride?(Required)
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Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 738 articles for us.

7 Comments

  1. Is Marriage Heternormative!!

    You have no idea how accurate this is for me, because one of the first thoughts I had after realising I was gay in the mid 90s was “thank god I don’t have to get married.”

    Obvs in the intervening 30 years I’ve realised legal protections are kind of important, but I remain baffled at all the hetero-style gay weddings that abound. Discoursify me at your peril!!!!!

  2. Bury Your Gays!

    Hah! I don’t care much about this particular trope but I’m feeling pretty seen / called out by the description:

    Yes, it’s a trope, but it’s also a discourse! And at the core of this discourse is a love of fiction and a belief in its power. You share that love and that belief. You’re someone who is as invested in people on-screen and on the page as you are real life. You can sometimes get lost in your fantasy space, but there are worse places to wander.

  3. No Cops at Pride!

    Thank the Gods I got something simple and clear cut, I don’t think I could handle much more.

    (And thank you for including the option to ban fairies from Pride. I feel seen!)

  4. I got kink at pride and I feel so seen 💛💛💛💛 Seen just like my full on bare tits and my snazzy leather harness may be ~seen~ by people attending various dyke marches throughout the country.

  5. You are Can Trans Men Be Lesbians!

    You are a logical, intellectual person. You view the world through facts and find meaning in organization. Is that not what’s happening on both sides of this discourse? One group says “lesbian means women who love women so logically men can’t be lesbians”, while another correct group says “actually your dictionary is wrong, open up a history book instead.”

    I.. I’m gonna use another “problematic” refence to explain this but.. Drew you have have no scope headshot me with this one and I’m honored. I’m also literally in Romania because I need to push that metaphor even further and I cannot stress how much of a callout this is to me personally.

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What’s a Normal Human Behavior That Gives You the Ick?

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Listen, did we have a little TOO MUCH FUN ranting about our various icks? Maybe so. And now you can have some fun with us, too, delving into the various things that give us pause, squick us out, and just straight up annoy or piss us off. Also, hopefully this goes without saying, but we’re mostly having silly good fun here! Don’t take it too seriously! And please, tell us YOUR icks! Let it all out!

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

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11 Comments

  1. Most of these focus on things people do that are being inflicted on others by dint of us all being crushed alongside each other and trying to rub along on things like public transport.

    However, I laughed out loud at:

    only doing cardio and not strength training
    Like, what? Unless this is someone painstakingly detailing their workout (in itself annoying) how hard would you have to work to get this ick, are you stalking people at the gym and checking their medical history?

  2. “The biggest problem with the US is that everyone is too divided/polarized” and other sanctimonious centrist sentiments (alternatively, people who proudly read the New York Times, Atlantic, or Wall Street Journal). Also people who are afraid of/hostile towards birds, bats, insects, or other non-human lifeforms.

  3. Oh I love these and so glad to see AI ick popping up in multiple places! And Ashni is so right with “we” for couples and I have a reverse ick for that also! Multiple times new potential friends have invited me to a hang/event and then been like “hey could [partners name] not make it?” surprised that an invite only expressed to and about me wasn’t just assumed to include them! It’s exactly as you say – why WOULD I assume they were invited when you say “you’re invited to my 30th bday/house party/movie viewing”?? Sorry I’m a unit now who must always sense the plural “you” with my mind.

  4. I Dunno Jackie off or PDA? But that’s not normal it wierd. In appropriate kiss on cheek

  5. Not having ANY taste in music, or listen to “just what’s on the radio.” And I don’t mean they have to like one genre or band over another, they just don’t care about music at all. Don’t read fiction or books in general? Might have attention difficulties or dyslexia. Same goes for movies, or television. But music? Not even something completely generic like Ed Sheeran? It’s like you’ve told me you don’t have a soul! If you listened to something problematic, you’d still have a soul, just a bad one.

  6. I have a an intense ick for Princesses and Brats : I use this word as gender neutral for people with too many icks (and who are very vocal about them)! Those who feel entitled to tell you how you should speak, behave, take you hostage with their emotions to silent or control you . I mean, if what i do have zero impact on you, why should you scold me about it ? 9 times out of 10 those people have class privilege or they’re white. In queer or activist circles, they use the safe spaces as an excuse to dictate absurd rules and foster purity and call out culture.
    I am still working on getting rid of the internalized sexism and racism which controls my body, so don’t tell me to not sneeze or lick my fingers, that’s ridiculous and it sounds like your problem not mine !

  7. Abuse, my abuser, anyone in contact with my abuser or in my abuser’s circle. Friends, work, acquaintances, doesn’t matter. I can’t have connection with you.

    Some of the abuse took place online and there are people here and everywhere that share mannerisms like the abuser. I really can’t be that active online. Or in person.

    I’ve lost so many people and fail to make new connections because I struggle to tolerate the ‘normal human behaviors’ that my abuser had. I’ve had lots of mental health support but it is still difficult.

    Forever lost

  8. My ick is When straight women younger than 50 use “girlfriend” to mean a friend who is a a girl. If you don’t enjoy sleeping with her, she’s not your gf, she’s just a friend, maybe even a best friend. Save gf for romance.

    • The feeling when both your mom and her mother have done this your whole life.

      Normalizing the word “girlfriend” as an exclusively friendship term and never a romantic term.

      Growing up in this environment.
      Not confusing at all. 🙃

  9. This was an entertaining list! Mine is when people capitalize the first letter of every word in a sentence (not talking about in a book title, for proper nouns that should be capitalized, or someplace where capitalization would be appropriate, but in general). Or when people put a space between a word and a comma MY GOD sends me into a burning rage

  10. Bad tippers, people who don’t bathe regularly, patchouli., pushy religious people..Sandals seriously gross me out, because feet are disgusting. I can only deal with them if you’re at the beach or poolside. I don’t need to see your feet unless we’re close friends, family, or dating, and even then, I won’t be enjoying it. And I agree about the previous posted point about people always using “we” and talking about their partners like they are the same person all the time. I don’t even like it when people who are not the pregnant member of the couple says “We’re pregnant.” No you’re not, dude. Unless you’re carrying the baby, you’re not pregnant. You’re life is still getting taken over by it, so I get it in that way, but it’s not the same as having to physically carry the baby (This is directed toward cis het men, especially). Also I get a visceral reaction to watching people eat shellfish of any kind, and it’s been hard to serve it at bars I’ve worked at without throwing up on the plate (I never did throw up on the plate, though I sometimes did after, in the bathroom. For over a decade). I may be a overly-sensitive, but it’s never gotten less disgusting for me. It’s like, you do know you’re basically eating a giant insect, right?

    I also can’t handle when people post or talk about the following:

    -their diets/what they ate that day
    -their workout routines
    -whatever they are giving up in general or for Lent or whatever (Good for you; stop rubbing it in everyone else’s faces/being so smug about it).
    -self-improvement stuff in general

    It’s like, who cares! You do what’s best for you, and that’s great. But I don’t tell you about how I blow my nose or shave my legs or whatever, so I don’t need to hear about that kind of physical personal stuff from you, especially with an attitude. Just keep a journal or something.

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AF+ Crossword Is Not So Odd

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‘And Just Like That’ Has Become Unforgivably Boring

The thing about rich people problems is that I am open to them! I am open to the soapy scandals and the endless themed fundraiser galas. I love Beverly Hills 90210, The O.C., Bel-Air, Succession, Big Little Lies, Pretty Little Liars, White Lotus. The copious wealth of the characters in these universes and the scenarios this wealth affords them can certainly be interesting, and their freedom from the slings and arrows of financial restraint opens up their calendar to entertain all kinds of activities the rest of us cannot. The original series was made possible entirely by Carrie Bradshaw’s ability to spend all her time dating and eating brunch and only a few hours a week working (writing a column about dating). How lovely! For her, and for us!

Her current storyline with Aidan is also enabled by unspoken wealth — she can chill in their shared mansion, waiting for him to be ready for her while he, on his own Virginia estate, can devote himself completely to his son’s well-being. They are not encumbered by work or by the need to make concrete plans for the future, like people who need to split rent and maintain stable employment are. There are many things about Carrie and Aidan’s relationship that confuses me, but that aspect of it I have simply accepted, like so many other things we accept in the world of “gay men playing with female paper dolls” known as Sex and the City / And Just Like That.

Which brings me, at long last, to this week’s episode.

This week’s episode was chock-full of tedious rich people problems but ones that were not interesting or exciting, just annoying and un-relatable! The episode’s A Plot, bafflingly enough, concerns Carrie’s downstairs neighbor — a novelist who writes at night and sleeps during the day — requesting she stop walking around her home alone all day in high heels. Why is a 55-year-old woman walking around her own home in high heels to begin with? Has she not considered the musculoskeletal repercussions of this behavior!!?

man yelling at carrie

I KNOW you’re making multiple hot dogs a day because the HOT DOG WATER is leaking through the floor onto my face!

carrie bradshaw opening the door

Mister, if you wanted a hot dog you could’ve just said so

When Duncan first arrives on her doorstep to register this complaint, Carrie explains that she’s yet to find a rug that truly speaks to her, but as soon as she does, the noise of her indoor heels will surely be sufficiently muffled. Duncan explains his own privileged situation: he spends half the year in London, enjoying life, and the other half in New York City, writing. It is bold to expect your neighbors to abide your unnecessarily nocturnal work schedule BUT, Carrie’s position is far bolder!

If she was a musician who had to practice sometimes, or perhaps a person who wants to do some aerobic exercises for 25 minutes in the afternoon a few times a week, or a person who sometimes has loud sex, or a person who has a party once a month — these are the machinations of everyday life. These are the things we must sometimes endure, as humans living in crowded cities with other humans. The things I have endured!

But nobody needs to walk around their home alone in high heels by themselves all day long! At brunch, Carrie’s friend’s are more entertained by her situation than I am.

Carrie: “He asked me to take off my heels.”
Charlotte: “To play devil’s advocate, taking your shoes off at home is more sanitary.”
Carrie: “To play the Devil Wears Prada’s advocate, I have rights, a woman’s right to shoes.”

The conversational tide turns when it’s revealed that he’s the novelist who wrote a very long book about one of the King Henrys that Miranda read in one weekend and Harry has been reading for three years. Miranda boldly encourages Carrie to compromise so that Duncan can finish his next book so she can read it.

Miranda sucking on her straw while Seems looks at her purse

You know I really do feel like this soda water might have a little bit of poison in it

Miranda says that “according to Goodreads,” Duncan has writer’s block. I’m sorry but what Goodreads is this? Anyhow, Miranda can relate to Duncan ’cause in her West Village AirBnB she has a neighbor who plays loud music.

Also, Carrie tells her friends that she has let go of expectations with Aidan, probably because she is afraid that Aidan’s son is going to murder her with a pickaxe in her sleep if Duncan doesn’t do it first. Then Charlotte says she doesn’t know what she’d do without having Harry there with her in her life every single minute. After she said that, I was emotionally prepared, when we transitioned into a scene of Charlotte and Harry going for a walk at night, for a grand piano to fall off a crane and smash him into a million pieces outside the Getty Center while their dog howled at the moon, but instead what happens is that Harry reveals that he has prostate cancer but that they caught it early so everything will be okay and he will survive. He asks Charlotte to keep it a secret from everybody which will obviously push Charlotte over the edge!

charlotte and harry on a walk

He didn’t say the entire idea of putting a little picture of your dog on a leather purse was inherently flawed, just that it’s not what they’re ready to bring to market at this time

Let’s go back to Carrie’s dilemma, however, as it eventually intersects with Miranda’s, and Miranda is the lesbian we’re all here to discuss. Carrie brings Duncan a ‘welcome wagon’ basket, curated from her favorite local merchants. He’s uninterested in the neighborhood because he is brooding and can afford to live in New York despite not wanting to enjoy all the city has to offer. He gives Carrie a present too: slippers from Amazon Prime. It’s so cute!

Carrie at Duncan's door

It is I, a messenger from Prince Harry and King David

Miranda’s Air BnB host refuses to help Miranda with the noisy neighbor situation due to him violating his lease by Air BnBing it to begin with. Miranda finds a temporary fix after slipping a written request for a volume lowering under her neighbor’s door, but soon enough he’s back at it.

miranda with a glass of water

Once again Miranda felt that the glass of water in her hand potentially contained something far more sinister than the actual water she’d been promised

Carrie invites Miranda to come shack up with her at her 17-room Gramercy Park mansion, currently only occupied by a small cat, several hat-boxes, a bed, a tiny kitchen table, and Carrie herself, walking around in stilettos composing texts to Aidan she will never send. Miranda declines, attesting she’s an old lady who needs her own space. (Which technically seems available, even at Carrie’s, due to its expansive nature.) Miranda asks Carrie if she can ask Seema to find her a new apartment because Miranda’s real estate agent is “lame” (???!) but Carrie doesn’t want to mix friends and business, although Seema is Carrie’s real estate agent. I suspect there are other Air BnBs in the world but who am I but a writer who wasn’t hired to write this, or any, television show.

Miranda once again traverses the wasteland of her building to slip her neighbor a note, but this time he cannot abide:

naked man with knife

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BORROW MY VERY SHARP KNIFE

miranda shock

Heavens that’s the most glorious sharp knife i have ever seen

Thus, Miranda agrees to move in temporarily with Carrie, just like when they were freewheeling twentysomethings on Bond Street. As Miranda moves in, so does a special gift from Aidan: the table Carrie wanted! Turns out he’d bought it himself before sending the thumbs-down emoji, and that’s why it wasn’t available. This is actually cute.

Miranda borrows a scarf from Carrie and goes to Joy’s for their “first sleepover” which begins with them standing facing each other kissing like middle schoolers playing spin the bottle except slightly less erotic. Joy’s greyhounds are leering at them so Joy puts them out of the room so the makeout can continue. This scene lasts about 45 seconds because the episode needed as much room as possible for Carrie’s shoes.

Miranda and Joy observe each other

Admit it, you want to see my wild cunt

Due to Joy’s dogs, Miranda ends up not sleeping over, which we learn because Carrie’s shocked to run into a naked Miranda in her mansion later that evening. That’s all we end up hearing about that!

In the morning, Carrie’s appalled to see Miranda sitting at her tiny breakfast table, eating Carrie’s yogurt and Carrie’s banana, which is honestly also very bold roommate behavior! Go to the bodega and get your own yogurt and banana you absolute weirdo! This is like a Seinfeld episode but not funny.

miranda eating her yogurt

Carrie don’t look now but there’s a man in your backyard with a foot-long hot dog and a jar of sauerkraut and he looks absolutely furious

Their blissful cohabitation is further disturbed when Miranda does her work all over the new table from Aidan while drinking Carrie’s last Mexican Coke (Which why would she do that? Get your own Coke when you ordered your food? Everybody knows not to take the last of anything from someone else’s fridge?) which of course spills, which then Miranda mops up with Carrie’s expensive scarf, and again, what and why and howforth what are we doing with our wild and precious lives on this earth!

miranda and carrie in a fight

You told me Samantha moved to London but it says here she just didn’t want to be on the show!!

Seema is present for the Table Incident which’s my opportunity to tell you that this episode her storyline is that she needs a loan to start her real estate empire, insists that a Mercedes and a personal driver are necessary elements of her business plan, and believes the low-level bank employee who she submits her paperwork to should somehow assure loan approval because she is a woman and Seema is a woman and isn’t this, ultimately, what our foremothers burned their bras for? So Seema could get a loan to start her real estate empire?!?!!

Anyhow, great news: Seema will be Miranda’s real estate agent because Carrie and Miranda agree that living together isn’t working out. Seema’s first sale is already in the pipeline!

Seema and Carrie in the kitche n

And Just Like That, Seema wished Carrie had a sofa so she could lie down

Down in the garden, Seema smokes a cigarette with Adam Gardens who asks her if she’s ever tried yoga. So that’s neat!

Speaking of women, let me tell you about what Charlotte and Lisa are up to this episode: GLAMPING at Collective Governors Island, a private six-acre retreat encircled by private, car-free parkland, where 29 upscale tents and private suites open to skyline views and harbor breezes, offering visitors a chance to unplug with wood-grilled flavors, luxurious spa experiences and sunset cocktails.

Unfortunately nobody seems to actually want to go glamping, especially Lily.  “Lily you are spending the weekend with your family end of story,” Charlotte tells her heartbroken daughter. “I am sure you can make up this time with your polyamorous polysexual boyfriend some other weekend.” Charlotte insists Harry’s the one itching to glamp because she is worried that he will die and they will regret not spending the weekend together as a family:

charlotte talking to her family

Ok I don’t want to be weird but do you guys all have a group chat without me?

cahrlotte's family in the tent

[typing]

Lisa’s husband doesn’t want to go Glamping either and says Lisa didn’t tell him about the Glamping and this will interfere with his city comptroller “regular guy” photoshoot. Lisa says they can take plenty of relatable photos on their trip, like this one:

the wexley family glamping

Everybody say “CHEESE PLATE!”

Furthermore, he’s upset that Lisa’s new editor is a Hotty McDreamypants. Fortunately they are married with children and even though LTW admits to Charlotte that she’s got a little crush, it will be okay. Just like Harry I hope ’cause they can’t kill anyone else on this show! Immediately upon arrival at the Glamping Site, Herbert busts out the s’mores equipment. It is three in the afternoon! Too early for s’mores. Nobody understands anything.

“There’s chocolate in the gift shop!” Charlotte yells. “It’s chocolate, not cancer!”

Lily glamping

FACT: Black bears can smell a salami from five miles away.

Also Rock is a vegan now but she misses cheese.

In conclusion, Carrie texts Samantha Jones who says Duncan is supposed to be a lot of fun, which Carrie is not so sure about. She goes to the garden to tell Adam Gardens what a good job he is doing and then Duncan lights his house on fire and Carrie puts it out with her heels and says, “aren’t you glad I’m wearing heels?” There were multiple ways to put out the fire but ok.

carrie looking serious

Only she can prevent basement fires

Thus Carrie and Duncan head out for a little bite to eat and they finally bond as writers — because he’s out of his comfort zone writing a book about a woman, and she’s out of her comfort zone writing historical fiction. When it’s all said and done, everyone has food, shelter, and the love and support of their dearest friends. And I don’t know, maybe we had more fun at the comedy concert?

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Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

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1 Comment

  1. I commend you for your service, truly above and beyond.

    How wild for the writers to obfuscate the lives of rich people so completely I think you’re spot-on with the hot dogs.

    Wait, are they setting us up for a zany author switcheroo ? Carrie-Duncan will ghost-write each others’ novels ? How madcap !

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‘Ponyboi’ Is a Crime Drama with Cowboys, Springsteen, and an Intersex Lead

This review of Ponyboi was originally published as part of our Sundance 2024 coverage. 

The thing you need to know about Ponyboi is that it’s so fucking fun.

It’s true writer and star River Gallo has crafted a movie with intersex representation unlike anything we’ve seen before. It’s true there is an emotional arc of an intersex sex worker struggling to forgive his family for the surgeries forced upon him as a child. It’s true the film is filled with a range of violence and heartbreak.

But, my God, is this film FUN.

The brilliance of Ponyboi — an expansion of Gallo’s short film of the same name — is the way it wraps itself in both a romantic fantasy and a delicious crime story. You can see the beats one might expect from a Sundance film focusing on an underrepresented identity. But they’re presented with laughs and gasps and eroticism.

Ponyboi is about an intersex person named Ponyboi (Gallo) who works as a sex worker out of a laundromat owned by pimp/drug dealer Vinny (Dylan O’Brien). Vinny is about to have a baby with Ponyboi’s best friend Angel (Victoria Pedretti), but Vinny and Ponyboi are also fucking on the side. Vinny is trying to get Ponyboi to switch from testosterone to estrogen and to get his tits done — less because that’s something Ponyboi wants and more because it would be good for business.

On Valentine’s Day, Ponyboi’s melancholy life is upended when Vinny’s shitty latest batch gets them in trouble with some gangsters. Ponyboi wants to run away — possibly with sexy cowboy Bruce (Murray Bartlett) — but first he needs to refill his hormones. All before Vinny or the gangster catch up with him.

The genre conventions aren’t just a way to serve an ignorant audience intersex knowledge. Gallo, director Esteban Arango, and the entire cast are having a blast playing in this world. O’Brien is alternately hilarious and terrifying as a cliché Jersey boy and Pedretti is alternately hilarious and heartbreaking as a cliché Jersey girl. All the gangsters flounce around with the subtlety of a Tarantino movie. And Bartlett is a fantasy of masculinity come to life. All of these ingredients combine for a plot that may not be original outside of its lead, but does always remain tight and propulsive.

The first scene with Bartlett is especially wonderful as his cowboy Bruce and Ponyboi flirt over a shared Jersey love of Bruce Springsteen. Their duet of “I’m On Fire” that could have been trite, feels only hot and sweet with performers this talented.

There are multiple ways to read the reality of the action on-screen. I love that the film lives in the fantasy space without over-explaining. Is Bruce a fiction? Maybe. Is he any more fictional than the crime plot of Ponyboi’s life? Not really. Are these genre conventions any more absurd than the horror movie of operating on children to conform their bodies to socially constructed ideas of gender? No.

Reminiscent of the Wachowskis’ Bound, Ponyboi is a queer cinema genre pastiche that understands a movie can be artful, emotional, and incredibly entertaining.

My only complaint is that Springsteen’s “Pony Boy” doesn’t play over the end credits. But that’s okay — “I’m On Fire” is better anyway.

Ponyboi is now in theatres.

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

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5 Comments

  3. Can’t wait!!!!!! Just read Middlesex and am eagerly seeking genuine intersex narratives instead of appropriated fictions

  5. Sold on the headline and deck alone! Looking forward to coming back and reading the rest once I’ve managed to see it.

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My Boyfriend Doesn’t Trust Me to Party at Pride This Year

Is he cutting you off from community, or are these merely the consequences of your own actions? LET’S FIND OUT.

Q

Last Pride I got wasted and made out with a girl at a queer party.  I’d gone to the party without my boyfriend because I didn’t want to be the girl who brought her boyfriend to a girl party and well I knew I would have more fun without him, not feeling like I had to make him feel included in something that’s not really for him. But then I was so messy I had to call him to pick me up. I told him what happened and he was pretty hurt and we had a lot to work through but got back to a good place. I felt awful for hurting him and I’ve gotten my shit together since then, that was the last time I got wasted for example, now I never have more than a few drinks. Pride has come around again and he doesn’t want me going to any parties like I did last year, without him. I brought him to a brunch and to the parade, but when it comes to the night parties I just decided not to go at all, but I feel really sad about it. I understand that he’s triggered by it, but it feels like he’s cutting me off from community that means a lot to me? Should I just accept the consequences of my actions or push back?

A

Summer: The one time I cheated on a partner was under very similar circumstances. A night out. Exciting and interesting people. A tipsy make-out session. And yes, followed by the horror of disclosing it to my partner and watching our relationship be forever changed by the violation of trust.

From one person who’s cheated to another: I don’t think your boyfriend is in the wrong for wanting you to avoid the circumstances that allowed you to cheat once. You’re not a victim. You’re experiencing the consequences of decisions that led to a violation of trust. And while I do believe that anyone is capable of change (including us cheaters), it’s hardly unreasonable of the people we most pointedly hurt to not want a repeat event.

I recognize and believe in the work you’ve done since then regarding alcohol and personal reflection. That’s exactly how we reform ourselves. By doing the work. That work also includes accommodating the needs and comfort of the person we harmed. In your case, it means not going to the nighttime parties. Pride can be celebrated in countless ways. You’ve done the parade and brunch. There are other options to connect with your queer community, and the loss of one celebratory avenue does not deprive you of access to Pride entirely. I firmly believe that if you wish to rebuild that goodwill with your boyfriend, his feelings in this area are important.

Valerie:  I think you should ask yourself, why are the night parties important to you? Like Summer said, there are other ways to connect to your queer community, with AND without your boyfriend, that don’t have to include night parties at Pride. Do you want to go because you WANT to make out with more girls? If so, this might be something to dig into about yourself; maybe you’re not as willing to be in a monogamous relationship with your boyfriend as you thought. Maybe it’s something you have to reflect on with yourself, and maybe even discuss with him. I personally hate the idea of someone disallowing you to do anything, as an adult person with autonomy, but I do think you have to consider what’s more important to you, respecting the boundaries he’s set to make him feel comfortable and secure in the relationship, or going to these Pride night parties. It’s okay if the answer is the latter, but it’s less okay to resent the boundaries your past choices have led him to feel he has to put in place.

Eva: I have to agree with Summer and Valerie. Trust has been broken between you and your boyfriend. He is totally valid for feeling a way about you going right back into the environment where you cheated. Pride parties are fun and they can be freeing spaces, but it’s more than a nighttime affair. Like Valerie said, if you really feel compelled to go to the night parties, interrogate why. If your relationship is not fulfilling to the point that you want to go against his boundary, then you need to do some more self-reflection.

Nico: I agree with Summer that it’s reasonable of your boyfriend to not want a complete repeat of the circumstances in which you cheated last year. You mention that you’d have more fun at the parties without your boyfriend, and I think it would be valuable to explore if there’s anything more here than just his sexual orientation. Do you generally not have fun with him at parties? Do you want to be flirting with other people? Do you wish you had the freedom to do whatever you wanted without having to consider the needs of a partner? As in: is there something that this desire is telling you about something in your relationship or unmet needs you might have? If yes, that’s worth exploring outside of this context, even if it leads you to some uncomfortable conclusions.

And if it is really about the parties, and you want to go, maybe a good compromise is for your boyfriend to don his best Straight Ally attire and go with you to the night parties, anyway. That is, if he consents and wants to. It sounds like he’s been fine at the parade and at brunch, so I don’t see why a queer night party would be too, too different. Even though you mention it not really being for him, I can guarantee you he’s not the only Straight Ally Boyfriend making an appearance at Pride parties this year. While straight people should not be infiltrating Pride parties en masse, I think you can make your own choices about your plus one.

Finally, this just might be a year without the night parties, if you conclude that you’re going to prioritize your boyfriend’s comfort this go round and he doesn’t want to tag along.  After all, it’s true that he’s not the one who cheated, so it is considerate to take his feelings into account. However, I would encourage you to talk with your boyfriend about how long this boundary will last, because it’s not reasonable for it to last forever just for a makeout, in my opinion.

Riese: These answers are so interesting to me! I do think it would be really kind of you to not go. Like that would be a nice thing you could do for your boyfriend to show him that you don’t want him to spend the evening wrecked with anxiety. But I don’t think he can tell you that you can’t go. Either you’ve been forgiven or you haven’t, either he trusts you now or he doesn’t. I’d understand if it was a few weeks later or something but it has been a year, and you’ve changed your drinking behavior.. Although honestly now reading all these answers I am like, maybe I was wrong to apply this to my past relationships where I was cheated on and felt like it would be too controlling to tell the cheater not to continue to be around the same scenarios or people?! It just seemed like either you forgive someone or you don’t, right? Not that this ever really worked out for me….

Ok but who’s the real activist here??

Q

So, my wife and I are pretty in sync politically, mostly. The one big thing we differ on is showing up to protests, which came to a head this past weekend for the No Kings protest. She was burned out from her workweek (she’s an elementary school teacher and it was their last week of classes for the regular school year) and just wanted to relax and unwind. Her sister had invited us over to their pool, and that sounded way better to her. She says that being an elementary school teacher makes her feel like she’s really contributing to society, and maybe the reason I feel like I have to be at every protest is because my job doesn’t give back. It’s true that I work for a huge, pretty awful corporation, I do enjoy the work because I like the people I work with, and I enjoy that the pay makes it possible for us to live well and for her to be a teacher. So, she went to the pool and I went to the protest with some friends. But then we had a big fight about all of this when we got back. I wonder, isn’t progressives sitting by the pool while the world burns like, how fascist dictatorships sneak in and take over? What do you think?

A

Eva: Being a schoolteacher is a major way to give back to the world and the community. I also think it is fair for you to be critical about why she does not want to be more involved. That said, going to protests can be a very frightening thing for people especially if they have never gone before. I want to name that in case that is a reservation for you and if it is something that you two have not discussed. Your wife may very well be scared, and that is valid and real. Also while it is important that we all get our rest as we continue this fight, you are right in your dissonant feelings as you protest and she lays out poolside. Going to the pool instead of finding another way to be politically engaged is not comparable. There are many ways to stay engaged and support sociopolitical causes without physically going to a protest. Some of these ways include going to candlelight vigils for those detained by ICE, brutalized by law enforcement and/or murdered by the powers that be. As a schoolteacher, she can join the teacher’s union of the nearest large city and even engage her students in worthwhile political education, whether that be class discussions, hanging up posters that support certain causes and/or bringing reading materials written by diverse authors into the classroom. It’s important to note that some of these options may or may not be possible for her to do depending on her school district. If being a teacher is her way of being engaged, then she needs to not only talk that talk but walk that walk. I encourage you to bring some of these things up with her. Tread lightly because it is all too easy to offend people when you might be harboring resentment. Wishing you both all the best as you navigate these murky waters.

Summer: Well, us lefties sure aren’t beating the allegations that we’re more committed to fighting amongst ourselves than the opposition.

What I see is that you both have a belief in shaping society to your vision of common good. That’s a great thing. I think you’re already approaching the topic that everyone has different circumstances and means that determine how we can affect change in the world. That’s what I’d sit on: during this past month, you both did things that serve the good you want to see in this world. There’s no tier list of the impact or ‘goodness’ of activism. Activism and social change are exhausting to affect and no person can be committed to the cause 24/7. I don’t think a fight was necessary, nor do I think choosing to take a break from work rather than protest was a morally questionable decision.

During WWII, the most destructive armed conflict in human history, there were countless acts of resistance against the antagonists. Some people fought in the war itself. Some people incorrectly marked dipsticks to sabotage Nazi vehicles. Some protested peacefully. Some marked property with graffiti. Some transmitted coded messages. Some harbored fugitives. Given the nature of the war, every single one of these acts of resistance placed the participants at extreme risk. And in hindsight, none of them can be ranked above the other. People took part in the resistance that their circumstances permitted.

While the consequences for your resistance aren’t nearly as dire, I think the principle applies. You both believe in the shared cause and are doing your parts. The collective cause you believe in doesn’t benefit from infighting or resentment from within. Nor will something as nebulous as your freedoms and rights ever remember what you did to preserve them. Only that you tried something.

Valerie Anne: I’m basically going to just be reiterating things Eva and Summer said, I think there are so many different ways to protest besides showing up in person to physical protests. There are a lot of people who CAN’T physically attend protests—because of physical or mental limitations, job limitations, logistical issues, etc—that you would never accuse of not participating in the general resistance effort. Is your wife posting on social media, participating in any boycotts, signing petitions or emailing/calling local representatives, voting in local elections? Is she using her position as a queer person in the educational system to stand up for what she believes in, engaging in discussion with coworkers and school boards, pushing back against book bans, etc? Because I highly doubt, if your political beliefs align the way you say they do, that she is doing NOTHING besides going to the pool. Hell, even queer joy is a form of resistance in this current political climate. I think it’s awesome that you’re willing and able to attend protests; they ARE a vital part of resisting and making real, effective change. But it’s not the ONLY way, and accusing people who don’t go to protests of not being as committed to the cause is reductive and harmful. I am a theater nerd so I can’t help myself and have to quote Hamilton here to sum up my point: “This war is hard enough without infighting.”

Sa’iyda: I had a really strong visceral reaction to this question! This was a conversation that took place in my house very recently. My wife was very adamant about going to a protest and wanting us to go as a family. I’m not the type of person who feels comfortable at protests, and I have been going through some hardcore mental health struggles due to burnout, which made me feel uncomfortable about being in public. And given that we live in LA, I was feeling extra cautious, especially because we have an 11-year-old. I argued that there are multiple ways to show up for our community; I do a lot of volunteer work at our kid’s school, which is in a marginalized neighborhood. Showing up and being there felt like a good contribution for me, and I was willing to donate money to funds or find other ways we could get involved. But my wife was firm about wanting to go to the protest. Ultimately, I decided to go, and we put parameters on our participation. And if I’m being honest, I was miserable the entire time due to my mental state. Actively showing up at a protest isn’t the only way to show up; and your wife’s work as a teacher is incredibly admirable. Fascism is here babe; your wife trying to recharge by the pool is going to change that. We’re only six months into what is going to be a long four years. Maybe you two can find a way to show up together. Writing letters to kids in detention centers is another way to show up, and something my family has been talking about doing. It’s not a matter of who is right or wrong in this situation. You’re on the same side, don’t forget that.

Nico: Honestly, I do think it’s really okay that your wife missed the No Kings protest. Everyone has to figure out their own personal values and negotiate the balance and tension between caring for themselves and caring for others and participating in actions. It sounds like your wife knew what she needed, and it is okay for her to rest and recover and spend time with her family. Now, if you find that yours and your wife’s values and ideas around political action don’t align, that your wife is not engaging in any additional action outside of the parameters of her job, and this is causing conflict in an ongoing way, then that’s a different conversation, one that like Eve suggests, might include you gently talking with your wife about ways she can be more involved. But like Sa’iyda said, you’re ultimately on the same side here.

You mention fascism creeping in, and you also mention working for a big terrible corporation with a salary that allows you to live well. I’m going to assume that you mean you work for something that, while big and corporate, is hopefully not a weapons, intelligence, or defense company or something similarly implicated — because in that case, I would say that attending a protest is probably the least important action you could take if you’re concerned about fighting fascism. With that out of the way because it’s hopefully not relevant, like Eve, Summer, and Valerie have said: protests are not the only way to fight. I think if you’re feeling driven, then there are ways you can tap in more deeply. Are there organizations near you asking for volunteers to help witness or document ICE raids or who need volunteer or financial support in supporting immigrant communities? Are there abortion clinics where you could volunteer as an escort? Putting yourself in situations where you’re on the ground and meeting people, working with others directly, will likely help ground you, and give you something to do with more regularity. This work happens every day, not just when there are scheduled demonstrations. These kinds of things, usually involving much smaller groups than large protests, might be easier for your wife to participate in, too. To the idea of talking with your wife about this, wouldn’t it be good to engage in work like this together? It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and days at the pool are a part of maintaining your sanity while you also, hopefully, find ways to plug in and participate with regularity and for the long run.

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6 Comments

  1. I laughed (bitterly) when I read the second question because it’s so relatable.

    In 2016, I had a corporate bullshit email desk job where I had the bandwidth to doomscroll all day and, yes, I *did* feel like I *had* to be at every protest, and also like I had to be *seen* protesting so people would know that I was Doing Resistance. The whole point of protest is to be demonstrative, but that’s not how the emotional grind of teaching works. You see social media posts abt protests, you plan your weekend around a protest, etc; you don’t see your wife spending time every day justifying the existence of queer books in her library or finding spare clothes and snacks to meet the material needs of her students or sitting in a meeting with colleagues talking about what to do if ICE comes knocking. If your wife is teaching at a bougie private school or at a well-resourced public school where most students have their basic needs met and are not experiencing immigration concerns, systemic racism, economic disenfranchisement, etc, then maybe she really is just being a lazy progressive and should do more.

    But this attachment to protest as the One True Means to Resist feels 1) performative 2) related to your own insecurity or self-consciousness around working for a “huge, pretty awful corporation.”

  2. “…and I enjoy that the pay makes it possible for us to live well and for her to be a teacher.” Her education, professional qualifications and desire make it possible for her to be a teacher. It’s a respectable career. She deserves an afternoon in the pool.

    • I agree with the let your wife hang out by the pool, but I also will say that teachers in (at least most public school systems) get paid dirt, so I think it’s less of OP’s job lets her wife be a teacher and more OP’s job allows her to provide the main financial support for her family unit

  3. I see the point about insecurity about working for a big awful corp. Relatable and sounds true.

    At the same time, the writer seems to have asked upfront for support from their partner to do this “performative” yet potentially risky political act together.

    Since the writer’s partner is burnt out, needs to recharge, and feels their societal obligation for resistance has already been ‘fulfilled’ and thus can’t be there for the protest (which may be disappointing, but fair), GO SEEK OUT community that you can attend with.
    Chances are good you have friends somewhere in your circle, or your partner’s circle, as you share similar political views, who may be interested in supporting the resistance on the literal ground with you. Unlike other forms of partner rejection, this is 100% the kind of support that can be supplemented by friends and others outside of the romantic partnership. Although I get it. Political resistance together does sound very compelling. But unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be in the cards.

    If you are still disappointed by not being able to engage in political resistance together on the ground, I recommend letting your partner know. Consider brainstorming together. There is probably another way to stay involved that is appropriate for the mental/physical/emotional capacity of both persons in the partnership. Keeps your ears open for other opportunities.

    While you both actively or passively brainstorm future respectable co-resistance ideas, going alone is another option. I’ve gone to protests by myself before and found them to be worthwhile. Depending on the nature and location of the protest, having someone to go with is probably a safer bet. Play by ear and play it safe if/when possible.
    Don’t forget to bring water and hydrate.

  4. For the woman whose boyfriend doesn’t want her to go to nighttime pride parties…. when I was polyamorous, I did a coaching session with an expert who gave my ex-partner and I some really thoughtful advice — I want to share it with you in case you read these comments. I had broken trust with my partner and because of that broken trust, my partner was restricting me from doing things I wanted to do when we’d go to parties. The coach’s advice was: how can you build trust that you won’t do the bad thing again, if you aren’t able to go out into that environment again and demonstrate your newfound trustworthiness? I.e., you should lose the restriction and show your partner that you can go to these nighttime parties and not violate your monogamous agreement. That will build trust while also allowing you to feel your queerness. (Separately, you don’t have to be monogamous. if you’re feeling sad about not being able to be fully queer, that’s either a sign that you (a) should explore non-monogamy or (b) should break up with your boyfriend! Life is too short to not be true to yourself.)

    • yes, this is what I think I was trying to say, you put it so well — “how can you build trust that you won’t do the bad thing again, if you aren’t able to go out into that environment again and demonstrate your newfound trustworthiness?”

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‘Hot Milk’ Is an Imperfect Movie About Bad Mothers and Worse Lovers

Everyone dates their parents, says Freud and also gay people online thirsting over actresses twice their age. Our most formative relationships play out again and again through friends, through lovers, through teachers, through employers, even through therapists. But these repetitions are not always so obvious. Screenwriter Rebecca Lenkiewicz’s directorial debut Hot Milk, based on Deborah Levy’s novel of the same name, understands the complex ways parental relationships can seep into the rest of our lives.

Hot Milk is about a young British woman named Sofia (Emma Mackey) who accompanies her mother Rose (Fiona Shaw) to the Spanish coast in an attempt to cure Rose’s mysterious illness. A perpetual student with a focus on anthropology, Sofia’s life is in limbo, her true focus on her difficult mother’s well-being. As Rose begins to work with her new doctor (Vincent Perez), Sofia wanders the Spanish beaches and meets a Berlin transplant named Ingrid (Vicky Krieps).

From the beginning, Ingrid provides further concern for Sofia as much as she provides escape. It’s a relief to watch Sofia create a distance from her mother and seek out her own life and own pleasure, but Ingrid has flags redder than Sofia’s jellyfish sting. She’s immediately controlling, emotional, and overly affectionate. She also seems to be in a relationship with a man named Matty (Yann Gael) who may or may not be aware that Ingrid has sexual pursuits elsewhere.

On the surface, Ingrid and Rose have little in common. Rose is scared of the world while Ingrid seems to hunger for it. One can even imagine Sofia looking at Ingrid and seeing her as the complete opposite of her mother. Alas, two people don’t need to share surface similarities to treat someone the same way. And the closer Sofia gets to Ingrid, the more their twisted dynamic resembles the one she’s trying to escape with Rose.

The acting in this film is remarkable. Shaw, Krieps, and Patsy Ferran in a small role as Rose’s nurse are all excellent. But it’s Mackey who holds the film together. She was great throughout all four seasons of Sex Education and this film is proof that wasn’t just the magic of Maeve Wiley. With the right roles, Mackey could establish herself as one of the best young actresses working today. Unfortunately, the film does not quite match her performance.

Lenkiewicz’s directorial work is strong with an effective controlled style, a tight pace, and a clear ability to garner great acting. If anything the writer of queer films such as Disobedience and Colette, should’ve trusted her direction more. The script is overwritten, stating things bluntly that have already been communicated — and communicated better — in the silences. Every extended dialogue scene felt stuffed with confused exposition that weakened the characters rather than deepening them.

The film will resonate with anyone who has ever tried to solve their mommy issues in the bed of another woman. But it’s frustrating how often the film ignores its strengths, instead ending up an overwrought series of clichés. And yet, there are sequences — single glances from Mackey even — that still make it worth a watch. I just wish Lenkiewicz had trusted her images over her words. Sometimes the sharpest writing happens in the gaps.

Hot Milk is now in theatres.

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 738 articles for us.

Marvel’s ‘Ironheart’ Showcases the Beauty, Depth, and Breadth of the Black Experience — Including Queerness

This review will have spoilers for Season 1, Episodes 1-3 of Ironheart.

Four and a half years since Kevin Feige first announced the series and two and a half years since Riri’s MCU debut in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Ironheart is finally here with the first three episodes streaming now on Disney+. And let me tell you!! It was absolutely worth the wait! I loved so much about these episodes: the characters, the Blackness, the setting, the FUN, the sneaky feelings, and the heart (no pun intended). But before I delve deeper into everything I loved, let’s get into a quick overview of what went down in these first three episodes!

The show picks up after the events of Wakanda Forever, with Riri briefly back at MIT until she is expelled for selling assignments and causing damage to one of their laboratories. She decides to fly in her suit back to Chicago and as soon as she gets there, it’s immediately clear to us as viewers that Something Bad™ happened five years prior and Riri has done everything to avoid processing her feelings around it. She’s reunited with her mother and her friend Xavier, brother of her best friend Natalie.

Riri flying in iron suit over a body of water

RIP to TRVR, Riri’s school A.I. We hardly knew ya.

All Riri wants to do is figure out how to fix and upgrade her suit now that she no longer has access to MIT’s resources. Our girl might be a genius, but a billionaire she is not, so she’s recruited by a group of incredibly good-looking (the show will repeatedly remind you of this) criminals to help them run a few jobs and earn some quick cash. We learn that Riri’s stepdad, Gary, and best friend, Natalie, were both killed in a drive-by shooting five years earlier. One night while Riri is mapping her brain to her suit (casual), she accidentally creates an A.I. of her dead best friend called… N.A.T.A.L.I.E. (Neuro Autonomous Technical Assistant and Laboratory Intelligence Entity). In her quest for more suit parts, Riri meets a random white guy named Joe who I think the show is telling us has pure intentions, but I DON’T TRUST IT. It’s revealed that “Joe” is actually Ezekiel Stane, the son of Obadiah Stane, former COO of Stark Industries and Iron Man antagonist, but he allegedly wants to be nothing like his father.

The leader of the crime crew is a man named Parker (played by Anthony Ramos) who goes by “The Hood” and wears a cape with, you guessed it, a big hood. (Someone on Threads said he looked like Darkwing Duck and I cannot unsee it.) The cape gives him magical abilities like invisibility and bending bullets, but both N.A.T.A.L.I.E. and Riri think something is off with him, so Riri risks it all to go rogue during one of the team’s heists and steals a piece of Parker’s cape in order to analyze it. Unfortunately, her risk causes a complete shutdown of the facility eventually resulting in the death of John (Parker’s right-hand man and cousin).

Where Ironheart shines is in its characters and their relationships with each other. Riri is layered, complex, and flawed. She’s a literal genius, but feels like everyone around her wants her to be small and to shrink her talent to fit in the status quo; she’s tired of being overlooked and disrespected. Sure, she can be a bit cocky, but she’s earned it! Riri wants to use her genius and iron suits to revolutionize safety and improve first responder response times so that “help will never be too late”; a desire undoubtedly driven by the deaths of her stepdad and best friend. With that goal in mind, she makes some admittedly questionable decisions, and watching her deal with the consequences of those decisions and how they affect her relationships with the people around her is one of the most interesting aspects of the show so far.

I knew in the first 30 seconds of episode 1 that I would love Ironheart, and that’s down to Dominique Thorne and Lyric Ross’s (Natalie and N.A.T.A.L.I.E.) performances and chemistry. From the flashbacks of the besties before the shooting, to navigating their new relationship as creator and A.I., their friendship feels authentic and lived in. It makes sense that N.A.T.A.L.I.E. is what would result from Riri’s brain mapping; Natalie, the person, is ingrained in Riri’s soul, and in turn Riri infuses that soul into her A.I. There’s growing pains at first, but over the course of these episodes, Riri and N.A.T.A.L.I.E. fall back into the rhythm of best friends – laughing and joking together, roasting each other, Real Talk™ing each other. It’s so much fun to watch and I think it’s a really interesting way for Riri to have to confront her grief when she’s been avoiding it for so long.

Riri and Natalie smiling together

🎵”Go best friend, that’s my best friend”🎵

The way the show depicts Riri moving through grief and anxiety stood out to me as well. Or rather, how she’s avoided her grief and anxiety. I love the visual shifts that occur when she’s in the throes of panic to show what it’s like when it feels like you have no control over your thoughts and emotions. The addition of Natalie being the only one who could bring Riri down from her spiral and N.A.T.A.L.I.E. doing the very same thing damn near broke me. I told you – sneaky feelings!!

It’s not all seriousness though! This show is downright FUN! From the Clippy-esque pencil A.I named TRVOR to almost everything out of N.A.T.A.L.I.E.’s mouth to the brilliantly delivered “Go home, Roger” reference, I laughed out loud several times. The moment when N.A.T.A.L.I.E. is controlling the suit in Riri’s room and dancing on the chair has been playing on repeat in my head. Iconic. And everything about the ragtag crew of gorgeous criminals was entertaining as heck. Every member of this crew is either queer or a person of color or BOTH and you LOVE TO SEE IT! BE GAY DO CRIME. Ahem.

I also love how grounded the show is in the community of the South Side of Chicago; it feels similar to the role Jersey City played in Ms. Marvel. Magic and advanced technology exist right alongside folks in the street clowning Riri for her broken suit and a kid hustling her so he can make a few bucks. The classic dude on the corner typically yelling to passerby about Jesus is instead yelling about Thanos. Sure, this is a world with aliens and time travel, but it’s also a world with neighborhoods of streets filled with music, life, and love.

screenshot of landon walking with riri as she wears her broken iron suit

Landon really gives Riri a run for her (literal) money.

And while I’m talking about Chicago, one of the few things I didn’t love about this block of episodes was whatever the heck they’ve got brewing with Xavier and Riri. He obviously has a crush on her, and while they share some cute moments reminiscing about Natalie, their connection just hasn’t hit for me. Plus, I’m a little annoyed that he sneak attacked her with Natalie’s voice on the mixtape!

At this point you might be wondering, “Hey Nic, how gay is this show?” Well reader, it’s not NOT gay! Slug (they/them; crime crew hacker), is played by Rupaul’s Drag Race alum Shea Coulée, and nonbinary transmasculine actor Zoe Terakes (of Wentworth fame) takes on the role of Jeri of the Blood Siblings. At this point, we don’t have confirmation one way or another about Riri’s sexuality outside of her mother asking if she has a boy OR a girl in her room, so for now my ShuRiri shipping heart will replay their Wakanda Forever interactions in my head.

The most refreshing thing about this show for me is that it is Black as HELL from jump. It is helmed by an incredible crew of Black women behind the scenes in addition to the Blackness on screen. From using Chaka Khan’s “Ain’t Nobody” during a fight scene to Riri’s mom yelling about slamming doors in her house, this show is for US. In Ironheart, Blackness is a girl genius gagging her ownself over the improvements to her suit; it’s a mother and her friends recommending crystals to cleanse a daughter’s aura; it’s two friends enjoying a local rapper’s concert; it’s a fierce nonbinary hacker breaking into complex systems without breaking a nail; it’s two besties literally clapping at each other in frustration; hell, it’s even belting “You Oughta Know” in the car with a dude you barely know. Ironheart is doing an incredible job showcasing the beauty, depth, and breadth of the Black experience.

Riri pointing at her iron suit upgrades

“What’s 4+4? Because I did that.” — Riri Williams, probably

So far, Ironheart is everything I love about the MCU when they let themselves have fun. My favorite MCU projects are the ones where I can be laughing one minute and crying the next; where the characters feel relatable even though their daily lives are filled with aliens and wizards and mine is filled with sending emails. I was so nervous for this show because unfortunately when a cast looks like this one does, there’s no room for error in the eyes of some studios and fans. From where I’m sitting, they knocked this one out of the park. The show raises questions about technological morality, what makes a hero, and whether doing the wrong thing for the right reasons will send you down a dark path. I hope future episodes continue to explore Riri coming to terms with her grief and the aftermath of her dark decision at the end of episode 3. I’d love more information about how The Hood got his powers, and of course, what implications this story will have on the larger future of the MCU. Ironheart started off flying high and I cannot wait to see how they stick the landing.

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Nic

Nic is a Senior Product Manager at a major Publisher and lives in Astoria, NY. She is way too attached to queer fictional characters and maintains that buying books and reading books are two very different hobbies. When she's not consuming every form of fiction, you can find her dropping it low on the dance floor. You can find Nic on twitter and instagram.

Nic has written 93 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. I definitely enjoyed these first three episodes and am curious to see where they’re going. I hope they stick the landing and don’t fall into pacing problems in the middle/end-that was definitely the weakest part of both Echo and Ms. Marvel, both of which I otherwise loved.

  2. “Well reader, it’s not NOT gay! Slug (they/them; crime crew hacker), is played by Rupaul’s Drag Race alum Shea Coulée, and nonbinary transmasculine actor” isn’t that gay? What’s wrong being gay? How it was written is the gay actor is not actually gay but a straight gay 🤦

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My Favorite Deviant Queers From Television

When I learned Autostraddle’s Pride theme this year would be Deviant Behavior, it immediately evoked images of all my favorite fictional deviants. From classic high school mean girls to literal cartoon villains, we have been gifted with some deliciously complicated queer characters over the years.

Now, this isn’t to be confused with Hollywood’s long, sordid history with purposefully queer coded villains like Ursula, Scar, and Captain Hook, intended to vilify these traits. Nor should it be confused with media making female villains hypersexual, which often includes being sexual toward and/or with women as a way to “prove” they’re morally corrupt. While that is absolutely still an issue in modern media, queer representation has expanded such that not all of our characters have to be clean-cut pillars of the community in order to be considered “good” representation.

One of the earliest examples I thought of were Root and Shaw from Person of Interest.

Root and Shaw from Person of Interest standing with their faces very close together

“Annoyed attempt to deflect subtext.” “Overt come-on.”

Surely there are earlier examples, but Root tied Shaw up in 2013, which is practically two lifetimes ago in TV years. That’s also pretty early in TV history to feature morally gray queer characters we’re meant to root for (no pun intended). Granted, if my memory serves, the show wasn’t 100% sure they were queer right away, but still, I’m counting them as “deviants” who were complex, interesting, and who might have been villains (I mean, they did kill people, after all) but their queerness wasn’t what was villainized. And they were heroes in my heart by the end.

I also thought of Rose on Jane the Virgin.

Rose from Jane the Virgin is on the phone, her luscious hair flipped to one side

Writing about Rose made me want to do a Jane the Virgin rewatch but it’s NOT STREAMING ANYWHERE ANYMORE. :sob:

Now, an argument could be made here that she toes the line a little. Yes, she’s a well-rounded character (and one of my personal favorites on the show), but she skirts a liiiiiiittle too close to the “obsessive lesbian” trope sometimes. That said, no character exists in a vacuum, so while on paper she might be on the line between tropey and not, in the context of this show that also had other amazing queer representation like Luisa, Petra, and JR, that pushes Rose firmly into the “win” column for me. (And the “alive” column, but that’s an argument for another day.)

While Root and Shaw were the earliest examples I thought of timeline-wise, the actual first example that popped into my head (perhaps because it’s practically her name) was Villanelle from Killing Eve.

Villanelle creeps around with a knife

Villanelle is why I now know the term “knife play.”

Now, there’s no denying she’s a villain; we watch her brutally murder many, many people. But there’s ALSO no denying that she’s the most delightful murderess you ever did see. Her queerness was not only not villainized, it was sometimes the only thing that grounded her in humanity — specifically, through her connection to Eve.

Similarly, we have literal demon from hell Mazikeen from Lucifer.

Lucifer: Eve and Mazikeen press their faces together

Forbidden fruit, indeed.

She was all fire and fury when she first arrived on Earth, but she discovered the softer parts of her, not only through her friendships with Lucifer and little Trixie, but also, eventually, in her romantic interest in Eve. While, in the beginning of the show, Lucifer practically had to have her on a leash to keep her from killing everyone who looked at her sideways, with Eve she was soft and just so in love. And still a little bad, but in a good way. It’s always nice to see the trope flipped on its head; instead of her queerness being used to show she was a morally bankrupt demon from hell, her queerness was what emerged as the most human thing about her as she learned how to be good.

And you don’t really get more villainous than literal cartoon villains Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy.

harley quinn and poison ivy are in a car that just drove off a cliff, their hair floating upward as they look at each other lovingly

They have to be one of the longest running still-together queer couple on a currently-airing show, right?

They are bashing skulls and doing eco-terrorism all over the place in the animated series Harley Quinn but are still lovable and, perhaps more importantly, still IN love, for four seasons and counting. (It took them a whole season to figure out they belonged together, but we can forgive them that.) Bonus points for Poison Ivy also being in the live-action show Batwoman, where she was in love with another woman entirely, and was also played by Bridget Regan, because if there’s one thing Bridget Regan is good at, it’s playing complex, queer villains. (You’ll never convince me that Dottie Underwood wasn’t IN LOVE with Agent Carter.)

Last but not least on my list I have my most recent faves: Agatha and Rio from Agatha All Along.

Rio and Agatha face off in the woods in Agatha All Along, looking like they want to devour each other

All witches are queer, but these witches are SO gay.

Agatha was the villain in Wandavision, and we all read her as queer, but we didn’t get confirmation until she got her own spinoff where she was in love with Death herself. They are both more than the worst thing they’ve done, and their relationship is heartbreaking and complicated and deliciously witchy. In fact, their relationship was the crux of the entire show. The entire plot would be very different if they were not in love, which isn’t something you can say about every queer couple on television. Plus, this show gave us the iconic line, “If you want a straight answer, ask a straight lady,” which is one of my favorite ways a character has confirmed their queerness on screen in plain words I’ve ever seen.

These are just a few of my favorite characters that have flipped things on their head as queer villains whose queerness isn’t villainized. I know there are more, and I would love for you to tell me your favorites. It’s a fine line, but some characters have ended up so far on the wrong side of it over the years that it’s nice to celebrate the characters who are so bad it’s good. I tried to focus on true “villains” who have committed actual crimes against humanity, and not just mean girls, though characters like Santana Lopez from Glee, Cheryl Blossom from Riverdale, and arguably Shauna from Yellowjackets are also deliciously deviant. (Though Shauna falls somewhere smack in the middle of the Mean Girl to True Villain scale, and she’s operating under a different set of principles than the rest of the world…that’s a different essay entirely.)

I hope we continue to be gifted fun, villainous queers on television in the years to come. We need positive and wholesome and sexy and joyful representation, we do, but we also need messy and chaotic and dangerous and even evil representation. Because queer people can be anything! Including deviant.

Autostraddle’s Pride 2025 theme is DEVIANT BEHAVIOR. Read more, and be deviant!

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Valerie Anne

Valerie Anne (she/they) a TV-loving, video-game-playing nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories in all forms. While having a penchant for sci-fi, Valerie will watch anything that promises a good story, and especially if that good story is queer.

Valerie has written 656 articles for us.