The Comment Awards Can Have Nice Things

Hi friends! You know that phrase ‘this is why we can’t have nice things?’ I know you love to say it. I love to say it too. But you know what? I call bullshit. At least for you, and for me, and for our friends and our lovers and our Autostraddle family: I’m putting my foot down. We CAN have nice things. We (you!) deserve safety and shelter, and good books, and good sex, and all sorts of different kinds of love. We (you!) deserve friends, and crushes, and nudes on your phone, and cookies in your oven, and a fire in your hearth. WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS. Go forth. Contain and deserve multitudes. I dare you.

This week, Janet kissed Janet…kissed Eleanor kissed Chidi on The Good Place.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: Year-end round-up season! From Rachel, here are 50 of the best feminist books of 2018.

Cameron ruined my life.

Kayla brought her For Your Consideration series home to nestle in our (sometimes broken) hearts.

Vanessa asked: what if single people got the wedding gifts we all deserve?

Speaking of things we all deserve, here are some classic sex toys you need in your life.

ALSO speaking of things we deserve, is Ellen coming back to stand-up?

Heather reviewed Dumplin’, which might be one of the best fat-positive movies I’ve seen this decade.

Have you been keeping up with But Make It Fashion? This series is about so much more than clothes, it’s about relationships and faith and addiction and humanity and I am SO into it! Read it. Read it!

And then then there were your comments!


On Boobs on Your Tube: Janet Smooches Janet Smooches Eleanor on “The Good Place”:

The Hit That Award to Lisa:

I hit this click bait headline like Janet hit Janet hit Eleanor. Now to watch the episode…

On NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Has Female-Presenting Nipples:

The Tank You Very Much Award to Snaelle:

Female-presenting nipples: When a woman gifts you with the vision of her boobs.

On Holigay Gift Guide: Proof We Have the Perfect Merch for Every Kind of Gay:

The A to Z Award to Beth:

Me: oh cool, I’m sure one of these categories will speak to me! Me: *scrolls through* Me: IIIIIIIIIIIII’M EVERY LESBIAN, IT’S ALL IN MEEEEEEEE

On A Heart Emoji by Any Other Name: A Brief Investigation of Flirty Emoji:

The Tinder Award to Sally and Stef:

Sally: I could not resist the terrifying emoji builder challenge, but possibly took the terrifying part of it too literally? Yes, that is many hands pulling a featureless face into the fiery pits of hell. For best results, view while humming O Fortuna. / Stef: …do you wanna go out sometime?

And the Bleeding Heart Award to pips:

the heart with a dot below it is the menstruation heart you cannot change my mind.

On For Your Consideration: For Your Consideration:

The For Your Consideration: Sincerity Award to Felicity:

This series saved me and I am so grateful. I had an awful, sudden break-up that broke me in a lot of ways early this summer. I saw the first “For Your Consideration” as I was years deep in my ex’s Facebook feed. You gave me the permission I needed to embrace whatever small, minimally destructive things made me feel okay. After your breakfast piece, I realized I was excited to eat my lunch/dinner foods and I started eating them for breakfast because it got me out of bed. Sure, sometimes it was only to microwave food and bring it back to my bed, but some days it got me out the door and to work at a respectable hour. After the subway crisis this morning, I was joking with friends and realized it has been months since I was regularly showing up to work at 10:30. After your piece about going to the met, I started taking walks around the city and just appreciating how incredible some buildings are. If I were to write my own “For Your Consideration,” it would be going for long walks while poorly dressed for the weather. The cold makes me feel awake like I rarely do otherwise and there’s something grounding and inspiring about how much there is to see. I’ve spent most Saturdays putting on a podcast and just wandering around and it’s done so much for my mental health. I am going to wake up super early on what would have been my anniversary and walk the entire length of Manhattan. I have the route and the outfit all planned out. I’m usually strictly a Brooklyn girl and only really hung out in Manhattan with her, so I am reclaiming the day and the place. I’ve toyed with doing this for years, but never really followed through and I don’t think I would be planning it so seriously if I hadn’t had a few months of thinking, “it’ll bring me joy and not screw up my life more – let’s do it.” So thank you so much for publishing this. You have helped me so much at putting myself back together and I so sincerely wish you all the best for 2019.

And on Holigay Gift Guide: Fancy Wedding Gifts, but for Your Single Friend for the Holidays Instead:

The Nailed It! Award to Madeline:

I’m just saying that I’m as likely to blow up a kitchen as I am to make any given food item but even I want that Stand Mixer because OH MY GOD THE COLOR IS SO CUTE!!! The matching color of the luggage would be a perfect compliment when I’d have to live out of a hotel to repair the damage from blowing up my home.


See a comment that needs to be here? E-mail me! Queergirlblogs [at] gmail.com.

Queer Girl is your number one fan. She's a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of her Gay Agenda. She's working on a children's book, she's on Twitter, and she thinks you should drink more water! She also wants to make you laugh.

queer has written 141 articles for us.

24 Comments

    • Thank you QG! Your words of wisdom were just what I needed to read today. We can have nice things! And we do have nice things! Because we have AS and this community. And it’s amazing to be part of it.

      I’m still wandering around in a joyful daze – it’s been 3 weeks since my depression lifted and I still can’t believe how beautiful the world is and how amazing it is to be happy. I swear, I really didn’t think I was that depressed. But boy howdy, I’d forgotten what it’s like to not be depressed.

      I’m afraid to light a fire in my hearth (it’s one of those gas fireplaces and the one and only time we lit it, it smelled like carbon monoxide).

      But I’m definitely going to bake cookies while blasting Christmas carols this evening and it’s hard to get nicer than that.

    • The voice telling you you don’t deserve nice things is Grima Wormtongue. Ignore his ill counsel for he is a witless worm with a lying liar mouth, and BEAT him with big magical stick of NOT TODAY SAURON!

      (it was so hard not to mash the battle speeches of Theoden and Aragorn together into one big fuck you internal and external Grima Wormtongues/Saurons of life and tack that on at the end)

  1. Congrats to all the award winners! Very well deserved.

    Also, YES, “this is why we can’t have nice things” is my least favorite idiomatic phrase in the English language. Just because you broke/lost one thing doesn’t ban you from all future niceness! It just reminds me of all the withholding parenting moves that drive me up a wall.
    We all, even when we make mistakes, deserve love and good things without any defeatist shame attached to it.
    (Sorry for the rant, I think about this a lot and then make small grumbling noises).

  2. GUYS I AM TEARING UP ON THE SUBWAY???

    All credit truly goes to Kayla for putting herself out there, making me feel so much less alone, and validating doing whatever made me feel okay. I had been toying with commenting for a while, and when the most recent post was about naming your demons, it felt like a sign that it was time.

    My walk is a week from Saturday and I definitely have to follow through now!

  3. 7 year autostraddle reader, first time comment award winner, very grateful and joyous, thank you to rachel for writing the article and thank you to my ex girlfriend for being the co-author of the menstruation heart theory i love you all goodnight

    ps i actually have bleeding hearts tattooed on me

    pps the flower not the emoji

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