I’m going to be real with you, this gift guide basically exists because I am single and I really want a KitchenAid. I’m turning 30 this month and I low key don’t think I’m ever going to get married, even if I end up deciding to share my life with one primary partner, which also seems extremely doubtful at this point. I don’t feel bad or sad about that – skipping out on a wedding, a life partner, and a co-parent actually sounds very very chill. What I do feel sad about is how unfair it is that everyone who gets married and has a wedding shower gets a lot of nice fancy home goods (including a KitchenAid!!!) and I, a boss bitch forever single kitchen witch Capricorn femme queen, do not. So consider this a friendly reminder that the single queers in your life also want fancy shit you might buy someone for a wedding shower. Here are some ideas to get you started shopping for the single babes in your life who deserve just as many material objects, if not more, as all the married queers out there.
PS: My birthday is on December 21 and if someone actually buys me a KitchenAid I will consider marrying you. I want the pale pink one please, duh.
KitchenAid Stand Mixer ($259.99)
In my mind, this has always been The Gift you give someone at a wedding shower. This item is the reason this gift guide exists. Please goddess, let someone gift me and all the other single femme kitchen witches the classy classic stand mixer of our dreams this holigay season, amen.
Michael Aram 8×10 Heart Picture Frame ($150)
This is my mother’s go-to gift for every single wedding she has ever attended, so it has branded itself in my brain as The Gift For That Occasion. You know who also likes fancy overpriced silver frames with hearts? Single folks who love and photograph their friends / pets / 17 dates / selves and want to display said photographs in loving prominence in their homes.
Monogrammed Hand Towels ($15)
Everyone deserves fancy hand towels embroidered with their pronouns.
Mason Jar Beverage Dispenser ($24.95)
This water dispenser says I Am A Fancy Mommi And I Have My Shit Together. I want (both the dispenser and to be a fancy Mommi and have my shit together).
Fancy Matching Luggage ($159.99-$199.99)
I asked one of my straight friends who is getting married this spring what else she expected to get as a wedding gift, and I was informed that people are gifted fancy luggage at their weddings. Did you know this?!?! Honestly what the fuck. But you know what, mama could use some fancy pink luggage.
Fancy Bed Linen (prices vary)
I was also told you can ask for fancy bed linens when you’re getting married. Can you tell I really pitched this idea based on the desire for a KitchenAid, and actually had very little idea what other items were considered appropriate to request as a wedding gift? I want fancy bed linens.
Le Creuset 20 Piece Cookware Set ($999.99)
It’s extremely reasonable to gift someone a 20-piece Le Creuset set for $999.99. It’s on sale! Straight couples would totally put this on their wedding registry, I’m just saying.
Hello Fresh Classic Box ($59.94)
Three pre-packaged ready-to-cook meals for 2 people delivered directly to the recipient’s home! Perfect for newly weds! And me.
Crystal Wine Glasses and Champagne Flutes ($13.95 each)
I know that newly wed couples love to drink wine and entertain guests with fancy glassware, but you know who also deserves to drink alcohol from beautiful vessels? Your single friends who are never getting married. In fact, I’d argue we need these, along with everything else on this list, just as much if not more than married people do. L’chaim!
V A N E S S A
Jumping on this train to Say yes buy your sexy single friends fancy shit! Including me ?
SARAH let’s buy each other fancy shit!!
I was expecting a 20pc Le Creuset set to cost a lot more? Don’t get me wrong, I defintiely can’t afford it, but I was expecting it to cost at least 4 times that.
no i know, me too!! this is basically A STEAL!!!!! if 100 of us chipped in it would only be $10 each!
For that ideal co-working space!
I’m just saying that I’m as likely to blow up a kitchen as I am to make any given food item but even I want that Stand Mixer because OH MY GOD THE COLOR IS SO CUTE!!! The matching color of the luggage would be a perfect compliment when I’d have to live out of a hotel to repair the damage from blowing up my home.
HAHA i truly L O L ed at this comment, honestly at least your kitchen disaster would be beautiful color coded, seems worth it to me!
Vanessa, you’re adorable, and obviously correct. Keep working on getting those “married bi girls who think Vanessa’s spiffy” shirts in the AS store and argue that a cut of the profit should go to a “Vanessa’s KitchenAid and Other Fancy Stuff” fund. Just sayin’, you could get a KitchenAid AND an international league of fans boosting your ego everywhere you go. What queer single lady doesn’t deserve that?
comment award of my heart, my friend <3
YES buy single queer friends fancy stuff!!!!!!! I too want a kitchenaid!
JAY OF ALL PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET, YOU TRULY DESERVE A KITCHENAID!!!!
I AM A SINGLE FRIEND AND MY BIRTHDAY IS ALSO THIS MONTH
You could always throw a non-monogamy I am a queer party and register at crate and barrel or William Sonoma. That way you can get gifts without getting married. Or marry a friend who’s visa is about to expire(and wants to stay here) and get all the gifts that way?
I just wanna’ say how much I’ve been enjoying all of these gift guides, especially this one! I, too, intend to be single for life, and eventually have a whole gaggle of friends.
You should get everything on this list!
YOU ARE AN ANGEL! <3
I think every single, kitchen butch would also love a stand mixer. Just saying.
TBH, I got married for the KitchenAid (in sapphire blue). Again, please don’t tell my wife.
So, I’m chronically single, and though I’d LOOOOOOOVE to get married, it’s still just a dream right now. I’m having a Re-Bat Mitzvah next month, and I was highly considering making a registry, but I decided against it. I 100% support this article and hope everyone gets the gifts they want. <3
Good luck with the re-Bat Mitzvah!
Thanks, Al! I’m writing this as I take a break from practicing my torah.
Yes to all of this. I am lucky enough to have been gifted a kitchen aid for my birthday years ago, but I really need some nice cutlery and dishes. Sign me up for the single forever queer gift registry.
I have a (non mason jar) drinks dispenser that takes up roughly half my fridge, but it’s so worth it for ice cold water on demand. Highly recommend.
The kitchenaid is the dream though. Gimme that duck egg blue stand mixer. And a full matching appliance set…
i just want to note that my ex’s mom gave us both a kitchenaid even though we were not married, and we kept it at my house, but then we broke up and the next day while i drove to camp she came right over here and picked it up! this was fair and just as technically it was hers because it was her mom, but it was a sad day for me and the cookies i will never make.
anyhow i’m single if anybody wants to send me a kitchenaid! but honestly the luggage is the part of this gift guide that most clearly sung to me
i don’t care if it was fair i still hate this story! i think her mom should buy you a new kitchenaid tbh!! and also luggage! amen.
I did not know this story and yet i have always known this story! I mean like honestly you deserved that stand mixer lmao
Well…that didn’t work.
This seemed very relevant…
Ugh sorry for the long ad first…
I feel all of this article deeply with my entire heart
I think a divorce registry is also fair if you never got wedding gifts, right?
Also actually really truly shout out to my wonderful Straddler friends who clubbed together and sent me gift cards for new household stuff when I left home to start over – you are the best pals and I love you all <3 <3 <3
Vanessa ~ may this new year find you in the pink in every way ?
My parents gave my ex a Vitamix blender for Christmas, but she left it with me when we broke up. Maybe because it was from my parents?
My point is that I won on that one
you did, i am pleased with this outcome
YES THANK U BLESS
in the couple years after i first came out, my mom was convinced me being gay would mean i’d be alone forever, never married because how??, so she started giving me “wedding” presents for christmas, which is how i have a sapphire blue kitchenaid.
this is kind of beautiful actually? and much sweeter than when my dad when I came out, who (after high-fiving me???) said “I never cared about grandchildren anyway.”
Hi dad, have you met me, I’m GONNA procreate.
But I digress
Me too! I am the proud owner of a kitchenaid stand mixer, submersion blender, and hand mixer, all in the same ‘ice blue’ color because my mom also started giving me wedding type presents for christmas and birthday. Thankfully she now understands that I WANT to get married and have kids, and has moved on to the much better/cuter habit of referring to my hypothetical future spouse as “my beloved” to keep it gender neutral.
My wife and I got married in 2017 and we were gifted Away carry-ons from our registry so it’s a thing! They come in light pink I believe (unfortunately this was not available at the time of our wedding) and are actually the best luggage we’ve ever had. Before I was always using like a duffel bag or something… what was I thinking!
Stand mixers are awesome, I don’t have words beyond bread and cake made simpler. I hope you’re gifted one with the paddle, kneading attachment and the splash guard/easy pour thing.
If one were to get one thing from that Le Creuset I’d suggest the dutch oven(the shorter of the two big pots)cause it can go from stove to oven. Meaning arroz con pollo y’all and many other one pot meals.
Also you can make lazy simple boule breads that will look super fancy.
I love this comment so much. <3
KitchenAids for everyone!
I have a beautiful copper one my partner bought gently used on eBay like 18 years ago and it really is THE BEST.
I’m planning to use it this weekend to make Christmas cookies. Apparently Im very consistent because in my FB memories today was a photo of my beautiful copper KitchenAid sprinkled with a lovely layer of powered sugar from last year’s cookie making extravaganza. (Aka powdered sugar kitchen explosion).
I love my KitchenAid. I use the heck out of it. My sister hooks me up with all kinds of kitchen goodies such as copper pots and Staub cookware. I do need a new drill (I’m so gay). I joke with a gay male friend of mine that we should get married for the gifts. He has this silly notion about marrying for love or something.