Boobs on Your Tube: Janet Smooches Janet Smooches Eleanor on “The Good Place”

This is our penultimate edition of Boobs On Your Tube of 2018! With TV nuzzling down for its long winter nap and our team prepping for travel and holigay shenanigans, next week will be our last Boobs Tube for a while. Don’t worry, though: When TV starts gearing back up in the New Year, we’ll be back!

This week, Valerie Anne recapped a really excellent Nia-centric episode of Supergirl and another awesome Sara/Ava team-up episode of Legends of Tomorrow. Kayla continued to wonder where the fresh heck Cheryl is in her Riverdale recaps. Carmen muscled through a Jennifer and Khalil-heavy episode of Black LightningAlso, she made you a list of 16 gay holiday TV episodes you can stream right this very second (or weekend)! Heather made list of the best feminist movies of the year (that weren’t technically gay). And we loaded the Pop Culture Fix full of new gay TV trailers.

Here’s what else.


The Good Place 309: “Janets”

Written by Heather

If you’re not watching The Good Place, there’s no way I can explain last night’s episode to you. If you’re watching The Good Place but you aren’t caught up, I am going to show you something that will help you prioritize your weekend. If you’re watching The Good Place and have seen last night’s episode, you’re welcome.


Legacies 106: “Mombie Dearest”

Written by Valerie Anne

Friends, I’m REALLY into this show. I thought never having seen The Vampire Diaries or The Originals would catch up to me eventually, but it really hasn’t. There were some things in this episode that having friends tell me bits about the TVD lore made more interesting, but honestly I was fine not knowing, too. I think they’re doing a good job of balancing the Easter eggs for people who did watch while not assuming everyone has.

Anyway, in this episode, it’s the twins’ 16th birthday, and of course that means Lizzie is throwing a Sweet 16 party. Despite this occasion, Penelope is still feeling great about her “take Lizzie down to win back Josie” plan so she shows up to the girls’ room bearing cupcakes and bad news.

Surprise, witches, bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

The general premise of this episode is that the twins’ bio mom comes back from the dead. Not to be confused with their birth mom. You see, Mama Jo died when she was only a few months pregnant with the twins, but they were put into a vampire’s body until they were born, because of course they were. Also, the force that is after The Knife can create sort of zombie sleeper-agents? So it resurrected Jo, meaning the girls got to meet her for the first time. Lizzie kept her at arm’s length, her defense mechanism being a cruel kind of snark, as usual, but Josie feels a real connection to her immediately.

After Josie finishes helping Lizzie get ready, Penelope shows up at her door asking if she needs a date to the party. Josie is still mad at Penelope for everything she’s doing to Lizzie, but Penelope still thinks Josie needs to open her eyes to the situation. She tells her to look at herself right now: the party, ostensibly also HER party, starts in five minutes, but Josie was so busy helping Lizzie get ready, she’s going to be late. Penelope tries to assure Josie that taking something for herself isn’t selfish, but Josie shoos her away.

As soon as she’s gone, however, Josie does end up taking her advice, and goes to see Jo and asks her to braid her hair. They have this sweet bonding moment and gosh it feels like the first time anyone in Josie’s family has looked at her, just her. Also during this conversation, Josie casually drops that she has an ex-girlfriend and that it’s complicated, and Jo doesn’t flinch, it’s A+ momming.

Less than A+ momming is when the sleeper-agent thing gets activated and Jo ends up burying Josie alive without having any memory of it. Dad gets Hope to help him, and Hope recruits MG for his vampire hearing and Penelope, who has never picked up a shovel so fast in her life.

After they save Josie, Penelope is like, “Hi hello I saved you, do you like me again yet?” and Josie says that there’s room in this world for all kinds of people and she likes being selfless, dammit! Penelope smirks that sultry smirk at her, taking a half-step closer, and says that works out, because she likes being selfish.

Every time two queer women share a frame an angel gets their wings.

Then she leans in and KISSES HER.

I love me a Hufflepuff/Slytherin power couple.

And I whooped and hollered with glee, and laughed when Josie said, “I still hate you,” before kissing Penelope right back. I can’t wait to see what these two get up to next.


All American 107: “California Love”

Written by Natalie

Every show has its heart. It’s not, necessarily, the central character, but, instead, the character or characters that ground the show and imbues it with warmth and familiarity. The nature of television dictates that, every now and again, the heart of a show must be tested but the hallmark of a good showrunner is knowing when to say when. Every character ought to have some struggle, relationships should never be perfect but you can’t do irreparable harm to the heart of a show…otherwise, you lose your audience (*cough*IleneChakenkillingDana*cough*). Thankfully, though, the writers of All American understand that the heart of its show is the friendship between Spencer and Coop and the fracture between them is repaired early in the episode.

After assuring Coop that she’ll always be his family, Spencer leans on his BFF for advice about his girl problem: he kissed Leila, who’s dating his teammate, Asher, and doesn’t know what to do next. Just as Spencer resigns himself to letting Leila go, in order to keep the peace on the team, Coop reminds him that some girls are worth the disruption. The Spencer she knows doesn’t give up, Coop reminds him. It’s enough to convince Spencer to go the Beverly Hills’ Homecoming Dance as long as Coop agrees to be his date. She agrees and, we are, graciously, rewarded with seeing Bre-Z rock this suit:

*fans self*

I am not entirely certain how those girls saw Coop in that suit and didn’t promptly dump their dates or, at the very least, have an existential crisis about their sexuality but I guess this ain’t that kinda show.

While everyone else is dancing (badly), Coop calls Spencer out for sulking over Leila. Spencer springs into action to save Leila from an argument with Asher about a banner. Annoyed that Spencer’s interjecting himself into their conversation (and relationship), Asher lashes out and, before a fight can break out between the two teammates, Coop steps in and pulls Spencer away. Later, Coop tries to negotiate a truce between Spencer and his Crenshaw rival, Chris, who’s at the dance as Olivia’s date. Before anything can get firmly resolved, Coop’s called away.

It’s Coop’s other world calling: the one where she’s crashing on Shawn’s couch and the one where she’s caught in the fallout over the shooting outside the barbershop. As with Spencer, Coop’s continually pushing Shawn to build a better life for himself and his daughter and she’s elated to hear that he’s got an interview with a record label. The celebration is cut short, though, as Shawn’s boss, Tyrone, summons him and Coop for a meeting. The barbershop shootout means the crew’s down one dealer so Shawn is tasked with picking up the slack, starting tonight…at the exact same time Shawn’s supposed to have an interview. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Coop interjects, pledging to pick up the package in Shawn’s stead, but Tyrone rejects it, flat out, tossing some homophobic taunts her way. The bullying catches me off guard…in part because Coop’s masculine presentation hasn’t really been challenged until now, but mostly because it just felt like bad writing. But anyway, Shawn pledges to be at the spot, much to Coop’s dismay. Later, Shawn assures Coop that he can do both — the interview and the pick-up — but when the label asks him to start right away, he’s forced to call Coop for help.

You used to call me on my cell phone.

Coop rushes over to pick up the package but Tyrone’s already there. He claims that having a gay chick rolling with his crew is making them look soft…which, I take to mean that Tyrone’s never watched Snoop Pearson on The Wire. Coop tries to assure him that she can be an asset but when Tyrone asks her to prove herself — by handing her gun and the address for where some Crips hang out — she can’t do it. Taking her reluctance as a sign of disloyalty, Tyrone warns Coop and Shawn to watch their backs.

“Tyrone, man, he [is] not feeling me or you right now,” Coop admits to Shawn later. “And to be honest, I’m a little scared.”

And, despite Shawn’s promise that he’ll get Tyrone off her back, Coop probably should be.


Quick Hits

Star 309: “Zion”

A Bisexual Break-Up Letter, For When Hallmark Just Won’t Do

Hot word in the Atlanta streets is that Nina left her husband Mateo because she’s fallen in love with someone else!! To quote the narrator from Jane the Virgin, “It’s like something out of a telenovela, right?” We already know that the someone in question is Simone, of course. I think Mateo knows it, too. The look he shot the young singer before her set in the music festival was cold as ice. My gut tells me that we haven’t seen the end of Nina, but just in case, she sent Simone a beautiful bouquet of flowers to celebrate her career success. The attached card said, “You deserve this and more” – I agree, Nina. Simone deserves the whole world. Now who’s going to step up to the plate and give it to her? — Carmen


Charmed 108: “Bug a Boo”

There’s a new witch in town.

I took a poll of the TV Team to see who else thought that Jada, the new morally grey half-witch/half-whitelighter in town, was queer. Valerie agreed with me, and that’s enough for me to feel confident including her in our updates! If nothing else, Jada has no problem flirting with Mel to get what she wants. I obviously still miss Niko, but Jada’s bad girl energy is off the charts and I want more! Like Hansel and Gretel eating fallen candy off of a witch’s house, I wouldn’t mind seeing where this road takes us. — Carmen


Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 407: “I Will Help You”

Well, Beth still exists! Rebecca went to New York to visit her mom in this episode, and instead of staying in the guest bedroom at her mother’s house, opted to sleep in Valencia and Beth’s comically small apartment. They pull down the refrigerator to reveal a murphy bed that acts as a guest bed, which seems extremely inconvenient because surely now their fridge is a mess. Anyway, Valencia ends up being the under-appreciated hero of the episode and really coming through for Rebecca, and Beth is adorably proud of Rebecca for standing up to her mother. Their relationship is just a background fact but I’m glad they’re keeping it up. — Valerie Anne


The Flash 508: “What’s Past is Prologue”

Nora continues to be important to the central narrative of this season, but her queerness still hasn’t come up again. Sure, she’s busy time traveling with her dead dad to save the world, but I mean would it be THAT HARD to have Killer Frost flirt with her a little? Sheesh. — Valerie Anne


The Young and the Restless

Cold Shoulder

Cold Shoulder

Last we checked in with Mariah and Tessa on Y&R, I was sure that Tessa was living on borrowed time but, for now at least, she’s been granted a reprieve. After a visit from Victoria, Tessa’s safety net is gone: the back-up copy of the video, gone, the leftover blackmail money, gone, and what little trust remained between her and the woman she loves, gone. Mariah’s at the end of her rope too and has spent most of the last two weeks wavering between staying and leaving.

Can I just say: nothing about how Mariah’s reacting to the revelations about her mother or Tessa make any sense? Why is she more bothered by the blackmail than the fact that her mother’s one of Genoa City’s Big Little Liars? Why is she holding Tessa to an ethical standard that the old Mariah — a con artist who was paid to gaslight Sharon — could never have met…standards that she’s only met after years of with her newly found family? Mariah’s sanctimony about this makes no sense.

But, just as I’m starting to believe that the only death that Tessa’s going to suffer on this show is Lesbian Bed Death, someone jumps Tessa from behind and puts a black bag over her head. Uh oh. Tessa, you in danger, girl. — Natalie


Coronation Street

Kate and Imran

Kate wandered into the Bistro this week, her heart still set on having a baby with her boss/cousin’s husband, Robert. They decide to reach out Adam, one of the town’s attorneys, to get more information about what their arrangement might entail. Of course, he’s never dealt with anything like this, so he promises to reach out to a colleague for more information. Adam encourages Kate and Robert to tell their partners what they’re planning, while Kate makes him promise not to tell his law partner, Imran (AKA Rana’s brother). But when he intercepts one of Adam’s calls, Imran gets wind of Kate’s plan and rushes off to confront her.

Kate assures Imran that she and Robert are just trying to formulate a plan before she brings it to Rana. She begs for more time and promises to tell Rana when she has all the answers. Imran relents but urges Kate to tell his sister sooner rather than later. — Natalie

The Autostraddle TV Team is made up of Riese Bernard, Carmen Phillips, Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Valerie Anne, Natalie, and Heather Hogan. Follow them on Twitter!

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