Christ almighty.

This recap is late because I wanted to wait and see if Whitney & Romi’s sex scene would tip the balance in our favor in the Prop 8 Trial. Mission accomplished. JK THIS EPISODE OF THE REAL L WORD WAS SO WEIRD.

I’m just a shell of myself. Ok, Brandy? I’m a shell of myself.

Autostraddle’s fearless guest correspondent Hayley braved hordes of screaming L word fans to bring you all the details of L7, the seventh convention for L Word fans, held in Birmingham, UK. Questions! Answers! Pet turtles! Ever wonder what Kate Moennig thought about Shenny or what Leisha Hailey has to say about Kate’s skills in the BOUDOIR? Read on, queers, so that you can sleep better at night knowing the answers.

The Real L Word premieres on Sunday, aren’t you so excitant? We reflect and look forward and read reviews and witness strap-ons. But really the best part is that Autostraddle’s Nat Garcia is gonna be doing exclusive Real L Word content for Showtime & Sho.com! I know! See! We got our grrrl in there, and she is perfect.

Why talk about TV all the time when we can just get legendary internet recluse scribegrrrl to come summarize the last three months of television for you? 30 Rock, LOST, Spartacus, American Idol, Dollhouse, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Damages, Modern Family, Nip/Tuck, and so much moar!

Riese recaps last night’s episode of Law & Order SVU starring Kathy Griffin as a lesbian activist — not so bad, even without the Mariska Hargitay lesbian kiss (we’ve got VIDEO!) Also; Tegan & Sara acoustic videos, Lohan’s memoir, Johnny Weir on Joy Behar, Lady Gaga in Cosmo, Adam Lambert in Sydney and a Dana Delaney headline way more offensive than SVU.

Season 2 of United States of Tara kicks things up a notch with homo-sexy goodness with Joey Lauren Adams and further explores her gay son Marshall’s sexuality. We met up with the woman of a thousand looks and accents to talk about straddling the line of gender roles and norms, her preparation for playing multiple characters within the same TV series, what major role she turned down and more!

Crystal & Riese recap the finale of Skins Season Four, “Everyone.” In which a few moments of beauty are somewhat clouded by a lethal dose of WTF. But it’s funny. ahahahahahah!

We recap episode 406 of Skins, in which JJ meets a cute girl at the candy shop and everyone tells him love won’t last, including Emily. But all hope is not lost.

Skins Episode 407; in which Effy gets brainwashed and someone else gets their brains bashed in. Hahahaha JK! Or are we? Read the recap and find out!

So how about dem People’s Choice Awards? How about the NAACP Image Awards, they just announced those! Also; homos wanted for new hetero dating show srsly, Britney Spears new single debuts in March, Lady Gaga, Westboro remakes poker face, Courtenay, Casey Johnson, and Dr.Drew calls the kettle black.

Three Rivers is axed, Showtime’s 2010 TCA Press Tour happens & The Real L Word will debut this summer, the GLEE cast has a celebration party, Tila may or may not go on Larry King, Katy Perry & The Real World DC send dubious messages about sexuality, Ke$ha vs. Gaga and Tabatha doesn’t want your sperm. Keep that to yourself.

The BBC’s Spring/Winter 2010 trailer features a Shane-esque blonde in lesbian drama “Lip Service” and overall the BBC’s got more lesbians on tap this year than the entire USA. Logo announces new shows, Michael Urie makes a gay statement, Kristin Chenowith & Kerry Washington are looking to hook up on screen and the Tila/Casey story is never going to end.

Carlytron compiles an EPIC 2009 television wrap-up wherein she gives absurd awards to your favorite shows and characters.

Alex, Jess, Lily, Riese & Natalie attended the Anyone But Me launch party where we rubbed elbows with the cast and crew including Susan Miller, Rachael Hip-Flores and Nicole Pacent.

Crystal & Riese recap episode 402 (Season Four, Episode 2) of Skins, “Emily.” There were a lot of feelings, a lot of lesbian things happening, and also Effy and Emily’s cross-dressing brother of love.

This week we got a lesbian love scene on Stargate Universe, out actress Haviland Stillwell guesting on Eastwick, a super-awkward episode of GLEE and hot girl Elizabeth Banks on “Modern Family.” Oh right; and so much more!

Carlytron yells at Grey’s Anatomy (again), wonders why she still watches Heroes, wonders why YOU aren’t watching Dollhouse, and gives you her Tron’s eye view on Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother, Saturday Night Live, and more.

There were lots of big events on tv this week: firings, weddings, photo montages, lesbian ratings stunts (Heroes!)… check out Carlytron’s thoughts on Heroes, Gossip Girl, 30 Rock, Grey’s Anatomy, Saturday Night Live, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, and more!