Wee-oooh! Wee-oooh! (That’s my emergency siren noise.) The L Word season three is filming and here’s everything we know so far! Gentleman Jack is marching toward the season two finale — Heather recapped the penultimate season two episode and also made you a little quiz so you can tell which endlessly dramatic Halifax homo you are. Also! Did you know we’re having an A+ members-only Discord watch-along for the finale? Join us! We finally got a trailer for Prime Video’s A League of Their Own TV series, which Carmen wrote about. And Riese would like you to know that Kristen Stewart is seeking gay ghost hunters.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ FIRST KILL!! FIRST KILL!! It drops today on Netflix. I had the chance to watch the first season with press screeners, and while I cannot objectively call it good television, it is addictive and delicious television. I described it to the Autostraddle team as “if I had seen this when was 16, First Kill would’ve become my entire personality.” So! If you like mystery teens and/or campy horror then this is 100% for you and you can thank me later. (Shelli will be back on Monday with a full breakdown!) — Carmen
+ In the Dark is back. That is just a fact I am here to report. Pansexual lawyer Leslie Bell returned, and Roma Maffia joined as a top dog in prison. Jess is MIA. I will continue to watch this show for you but I won’t be doing weecaps unless it gets good and GAY again. — Valerie Anne
+ For All Mankind is back! I’ll be watching and giving you any gay updates if/when they happen, but this week we only got glimpses of Ellen in news footage, first in the beginning montage as we fast forwarded almost a decade and he won the Senate race in texas, and then later when the news informed us she’s running for President. Looking forward to what will hopefully be an Elenaor Roosevelt/Lorena Hickok type of romance in the white house. This first episode was stressful in a had-me-Googling-how-much-gravity-the-human-body-can-withstand way but wasn’t particularly gay, so I’ll be back after future episodes to report back! — Valerie Anne
Roswell 401:”Steal My Sunshine”
Written by Valerie Anne
This episode was a nice check-in with all our alien and alien-adjacent friends. Liz and Max have moved in together, and Liz is a teacher now, providing science lessons and also copies of her mentor’s book. Her mentor, of course, being Allie Meyers, played by none other than Original Roswell’s own Sheri Appleby.
Liz and Kyle cured Maria’s degeneration, so she can do magic without risking her brain melting. FBI Agent
Gay Aunt Freya Riley Voelkel is back, chasing alien bank robbers. Michael and Alex moved in together, despite Michael being incredibly antsy about it.
And proving once more that it IS possible to have both male and female queer couples on one show, Isobel and Anatsa are still going strong. Isobel leads meditation classes and Anatsa uses her journalism job as an excuse to take photos of her cute girlfriend. Anatsa says she loves her, sending Isobel into a panic because she realizes it’s gotten to the point that she has to either tell Anatsa she’s an alien or stop this in its tracks.
Eventually Alex tells Michael he understands why he’s scared, but he holds Michael’s hand tight and says he’s not going anywhere. He loves him hard and won’t let him go that easily.
Later that night, Isobel accidentally gives Kyle the advice that the truth will set you free; she was thinking about her and Anatsa, but she doesn’t realize Kyle is still holding a very annoying torch for her. When Isobel finds Anatsa, Anatsa promises she isn’t expecting Isobel to say it back before she’s ready, she just wanted Isobel to know how she feels, but Isobel is ready. For that and more. She tells Anatsa she loves her and is about to come out as an alien when suddenly the sky turns an extraterrestrial shade of purple.
And that’s because there’s a new alien triad in town, and they’re trying to bring about something called the Alighting, which I’m sure is fine and chill and involves hugs and puppies.
Charmed 412: “Be Kind. Rewind”
Written by Valerie Anne
In the penultimate episode of Charmed, the sisters wake up in a world where everything is bright and colorful and…plant-y. Safe Space is full of magical creatures, and this utopia is led by their fearless leader Inara, the artist formerly known as The Lost One, who now goes by The Charmed One.
But when Kaela goes home and her teapot from Dev goes off, she’s pulled back to reality like it was playing Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush. Her memories come rushing back and she finds Mel and Maggie and refreshes their memories, too. They realize it’s been almost a year and they don’t remember seeing any humans…and they also don’t have their powers. They run to Ray’s house to find out what happened to the humans, and instead find a tree wearing Ray’s glasses…the humans are now plants!
After some fumbling, the sisters make a potion to get into Inara’s lair to get the black amber sap they need to get their powers back. But then they find themselves face to face with the Lost One and Jordan, Harry, and Mel get fatally wounded. Before she dies, Mel tells Maggie to borrow her time powers so they can go back to the pivot point and change the outcome of these events. Maggie is nervous about sending an entire human on her first try at time magic, so Kaela draws a VHS with the events of the last year on it and Maggie sends that back in time instead.
Since almost everyone is at Dev’s memorial during the pivot point, Josefina ends up being the one to find the VHS. I’m so glad she’s back to help the Charmed Ones save the world!
See you again next week for one last Charmed weecap.
Legacies 419:”This Can Only End In Blood”
Written by Valerie Anne
This week, the Super Squad find themselves on the cusp of their biggest battle to date. Ken has a weapon that can kill the tribrid, but Hope challenges him to a duel anyway. But when Hope gets into place, it isn’t Ken that appears, but Aurora. They knew Hope had plans to cheat so they activated the wolves’ curse, setting them loose on the vampires and witches, rendering Hope’s backup ineffective. Hope stands her ground and faces Aurora, but when she gets the chance to kill her, she instead tries to appeal to the good in Aurora, to end the cycle of abuse, to let Klaus’s legacy be more than suffering. But as soon as Ken shows up, Aurora shakes off her…well, hope and stands by his side.
While this is happening, Cleo heads out to exact revenge on the gods who killed her love, but finds Jen instead, learning furies are connected to gods in a way that might prove beneficial.
On the battlefield, Hope never gives up on Aurora, saying Aurora is worth trying to reach. So when the moment comes and the spear flies toward Hope’s heart, Aurora jumps in front of it and saves her. She ended the cycle. With her dying breath, she tells Hope that she has all the best parts of Klaus in her.
As the Super Squad falls one by one, they end up finding themselves under the limbo bar, and realizing they know the Ferryman. And they need a favor.
Up on earth, Lizzie siphons Ken, and Ethan uses his last teleport to get her to safety before poofing into dust. Lizzie puts the god magic in Hope and sends her off for the final battle. The Ferryman came through because Kaleb, MG, and Jed stroll back from the dead to fight by their side.
Hope almost gets speared again but Cleo shows up in time to grab the spear to save her, and she might not be a muse anymore, but it inspires an idea in Hope. Hope uses her siphoned god powers to power kick Ken across the battlefield, right onto the spear Cleo is holding.
The Squad is reunited, and the school can start to heal. Hope and Lizzie pay their final respects to Aurora, and hold hands, knowing their bond is deeper than any sire bond ever could have been.
All Rise 301: “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin'”
Written by Natalie
TV cancellations are hard but when a TV show that you see yourself in gets cancelled, those cancellations hit just a little harder. It’s been six years and I’m still mourning FOX’s cancellation of Pitch and I may never forgive the CW for Batwoman, no matter how many queer hotties they try to throw at me in the interim. There was something particularly dispiriting about All Rise‘s cancellation, though: a show that featured so many diverse characters, thwarted by a white man behaving badly. But then, by some miracle (read: Oprah), All Rise was saved. I was thrilled, of course, but also…worried. Would All Rise be the same show on OWN that it’d been on CBS?
The answer to that question, as it turns out, is yes and no.
All Rise‘s OWN debut has so much of the DNA that made the show worth watching on CBS. Simone Missick is the imminently watchable Lola Carmichael, who fresh off a re-election victory over Anne Heche’s Corrine Cuthbert, returns to the HOJ to lead her courtroom.* All the major players are still there — Mark, Emily, Luke, Sherri, Sara and Amy — though, some, in different capacities than we last saw them. But the gay? The gay is most definitely missing.
To be clear, Marg Helgenberger’s Judge Lisa Benner and Samantha Ware’s Vanessa “Ness” Johnson are still part of the cast. In the debut episode, Benner’s considering — and, eventually, accepting — an appointment to the state appeals court and Ness is making herself indispensable at Audobon, Quinn & Associates. Feeling that she’s not fairly compensated for her efforts, Ness approaches Amy (the Quinn in the firm’s name) for overtime pay but her boss insists that, right now, Ness is just paying her dues. Unwilling to back down, Ness files a lawsuit against the firm and, while the partners are impressed by her gall, Amy gets the lawsuit thrown out on a technicality. Instead, she offers to pay the soon-to-be lawyer a paralegal’s salary until her bar results come in.
The stories aren’t bad — Helgenberger’s impending return to CSI meant her role on All Rise would need to be slimmed down — but they are disjointed. Brenner’s past transgressions were enough to thwart her run for Attorney General but not a seat on the Appeals Court? And there’s nary a mention of Georgia (Amy Acker) despite the fact that one of the last times we saw Judge Benner, she was planning on proposing. There’s no mention of what happened, there’s no ring on Benner’s finger…it’s like it never even happened.
Likewise, with Ness, her roommate/gal pal/girlfriend, Sam, is gone. While I could excuse Sam’s absence from Ness’ storyline, her absence from the DA’s office — where she previously served as Mark’s right-hand — can’t be ignored. There’s no explanation for Sam’s absence, no mention of her at all and there are no suggestions that Audrey Corsa will reprise the role…it’s like she was never even there.
Alone, I could, perhaps, overlook these omissions…but together, it felt a bit disconcerting. It’s only been one episode so I’m going to give the show a few more episodes to find its footing but, suffice to say, that worry I felt after its revival persists.
* Sidenote: I am forever indebted to whomever decided not to make Lola’s re-election campaign into a season-long arc…because, solely based on how ill-conceived Lola’s comeback victory story was, it clearly would’ve driven me bananas.