Queer Ladies Speed-Dating at Strand Bookstore Happened, Was A Huge Success

When I reported last week that The Strand was hosting a second round of Queer Ladies Speed Dating, y’all seemed pretty excited to attend (or sad that you couldn’t attend, in which case I encourage you to connect with independent bookstores in your area and make it happen near you!). I have to be honest though, when the storm hit yesterday afternoon and Twitter informed me that Brooklyn was flooding, I was a teensy bit worried. Would people come out despite the weather? I just didn’t know. But I grabbed my umbrella, hopped on the train, and hoped for a decent turnout.

Well, serves me right for doubting your superhero queer abilities. Not only was there a “decent turnout” — so many of you showed up that we ran out of chairs! My mistake. I should never have questioned you and your desire to find love and friendship amongst other girls who like girls who like books. So let’s talk about what happened when all these beautiful faces appeared at The Strand!

Check out Gabby and Carly in their smoking chairs, and check out all these cute queers making new friends and lovers

To be honest, I was super anxious at the beginning of the evening, and I wasn’t even there to speed date! I checked in with some of the actual participants and there seemed to be mixed feelings. Some people were bubbly and excited, some seemed more reserved, and one girl after my own heart asked if I thought it would be weird if she just stood in the corner with a glass of wine and a cake ball for the whole evening. I made friends with Shelly of No Man’s Land who was doing an awesome job manning the bar with Strand events director Jessica, and she made me a really beautiful name tag that said: VANESSA / AUTOSTRADDLE : TELL ME ALL YOUR FEELINGS. This did in fact encourage everyone to tell me their feelings all evening, which I loved. Thank you to everyone who shared their feelings.

Fearless Leaders

The event was hosted by Autostraddle team members Carly and Gabby, and I am just going to be completely blunt and tell you up front that they killed it. If I were just relying on my own opinion I may admit to some bias, but I checked in with several different speed daters and it was unanimous: if you ever go speed dating, you better hope Carly and Gabby are hosting, because they’re perfect. Honestly though, they did such a great job. They were hilarious and energetic, but also really careful to make sure everyone felt comfortable and at ease. At one point Gabby said, “Help the lady next to you! If she says she doesn’t need help, be a gentlequeer & DON’T HELP HER, she can do it on her own!” Sound advice.

I spy an A-Camper and my roommate!

As I mentioned, The Strand was expecting about 40 girls to show up, and instead we packed about 100 humans into the awesome third floor Rare Book Collection. This meant that though the event was set to start at 7pm, it actually began closer to 7:45pm, and instead of ending at 8:30pm we went a full hour over. No one complained, and the late start just meant everyone had time to drink a little extra wine and get a little more comfy if you know what I mean. I would now like to take a moment to review exactly how cute all the speed daters were; here’s a small sampling for those purposes:

You are cute

You are also cute

Shit you are all so cute!

Gabby and Carly led everyone in so many great activities. There was the part where each person got a colorful index card with a word on it and had to find the other human who had the matching word. Because this was a literary event, samples of these words included The Hunger, On My Mind, Jungle, Stone Butch…you get the idea. But the genius part was that there were multiples of each word, so every person had the opportunity to meet several matches during this ice breaker! Then there was the part where you could win $10 gift cards to The Strand; these cards could be won by guessing Gabby’s favorite lesbian movie or also by being a boss and hopping up to sit on the table in order to get a little closer to your date (see above for proof). Carly played a really excellent Beyonce-heavy playlist, and as I flitted around the room trying not to awkwardly interrupt anyone’s potential love connection, I heard so many happy things! People talked about if they were dog people or cat people, what their deal breakers in relationships are (“You cannot be an ignorant bigot who refuses to educate yourself” — sounds super reasonable, I am on board with this deal breaker), and how they discovered Autostraddle. Every three minutes Carly’s timer went off and sometimes she would announce, “Congratulations, you just went on a date!” And then the next date would begin.

One of the ice breakers was to draw your interpretation of a book that means a lot to you — could this event be more perfect?

At some point Robin arrived and she and Shelly and I had a discussion about how truly fantastic it was to see so many queer women connecting in a safe and literary space. I don’t know about you, but I fucking hate the bar dating scene, and were I not in a serious two year relationship I would probably spend my Friday nights at home in bed watching Buffy (which I do anyway, but it sounds more socially acceptable if you do that with your girlfriend rather than by yourself). Honestly though, I have no idea how many humans at last night’s event feel comfortable in bars (more power to you if you do!) but a few came up to me and explicitly said that they have trouble meeting other queer girls out and about, and this event felt safe and happy for them in a way that they are not used to feeling. And that made my little gay heart SING.

Then Gabby stood on a table and encouraged us to support The Strand with our lesbian dollars so they in turn will continue to support our community and it was perfect

It’s important to note how this stellar event came about. You know how I’m always going on and on about queering all the spaces? Well there’s a reason for that! Put queers in positions of power and we can make stuff happen! Kate, the badass behind this concept, is a queer lady who happens to be on the events staff at The Strand. She wanted to create this event and her company supported her. See how that works? It’s so neat, I really truly love it. The Strand deserves a huge shout out for hosting such a great event for the queer community, and I am personally asking that all New York-based Autostraddle readers show our love and support by spending our book-buying dollars at this fine institution. You don’t have to of course, but if you need some incentive you should know that Gabby stood on a table last night and made this same request, so. We’re just saying.

Photos of girls speed dating with bookshelf porn in the background should be a new tumblr

On that note, I’d just like to shout out the incredible Strand staff that put the event together. Kate, of course, along with Topher at the door, Blake at the register, Billy on tech and “all charming services,” and Jessica Strand at the bar. It was extremely organized — everyone had their headshot taken at the beginning of the evening for easy recognition post-event, filled out confidential dating cards throughout the night, and will be contacted with any “friend” matches or “love” matches once Kate has sorted through all the data, which sounds amazing and way better than waiting for messages on OKCupid. There was an abundance of both red and white wine, and the yummiest cake balls made by Lizzy Selzer. Everyone was friendly and helpful, and the vibe of the whole event was just so chill and loving and literary it was a queer bookworm’s ultimate fantasy in the midst of a rainy Manhattan evening. I never wanted to leave.

If you attended the event, I hope you made some friends and maybe some dates, and please remember that if you fall in love and get married and have babies Gabby would like you to name your first child either “Gabby” or “Carly,” which seems only fair. If you live in New York and think this sounds magical, I promise you it was, and I hope you’ll consider coming next time (because yes, we are aiming for there to be a next time!) And if you live outside the city I encourage you to chat with your local independent bookstores and try to host queer lady literary events in your city. Because I’ve always suspected, but after last night I know for sure: there is absolutely nothing better than girls who like girls who like books.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!


Vanessa is a writer, a teacher, and the community editor at Autostraddle. Very hot, very fun, very weird. Find her on twitter and instagram.

Vanessa has written 404 articles for us.


  1. This was SO MUCH FUN! I was like, who knows what’s gonna happen in there…

    And what happened was awesomeness!

    Did anyone get their matches emailed back to them yet?

    • that is a great question. sadly the answer is a big fat no. but i promise if you attend the next speed dating you will find someone just as cute and just as awesome (okay i can’t promise that but at the very least you will make a new friend, that i guarantee)!

  2. Aw. This event looks like it was awesome. I support the strand often and it is great that they are doing something like this. I am still way too terrified to ever go, but I think it is great.

  3. So sad I missed this, looks like it was great!
    Hope everyone got some love connections!
    (So awesome seeing ladies I know in these pictures!)

    • morgan i feel like it would be really easy to replicate this in boston
      because there are a lot of dykes and a lot of great indie bookstores
      i feel like this is a thing you should maybe potentially organize
      do you have feelings to add because clearly i am feeling a lot

  4. I am so deeply envious of those who got to attend. We should definitely organise one of these in Sydney, official antipodean queer mecca.

  5. i am almost certain that past me can be quoted as saying ‘i would never go speed dating.’
    and then i made a friend at A-camp who told me that speed dating can be really fun and then my college friends decided we should all go together. and my not single friend offered to be my speed-date wingwoman.
    all in all it was a fun evening. literary lesbians of new york are massively attractive.

  6. It was pretty freaking neat, and I can spot my friends, my hair (blonde dreds) and some folks I wanted to chat w but didn’t get to in these pics. And no I haven’t gotten an email yet. I suspect it will take a while with SO many people

  7. Oh my god, puhleeeeease tell me you’re having another one really soon. Like next week soon? Or maybe next month soon? Cuz I really, really, really, really, really need to go to this and I’m supersad I missed it. I have lots of friends I could bring too!!!

    • hi! much as we loved the event (and participated in it) we actually have no control over the planning! this was all the strand, 100% (which is so cool & neat) so if you’d like to see more events like this, you should let the strand know! go in and ask them, email them, call, smoke signal…

  8. Aw, we New Yorkers are adorable. Seriously, look at all these cute people.

    I hope to hear about success stories in a couple months you guys!

    • i know i wanna hear success stories so bad

      i hope my roommate is one of the success stories

      then i will liveblog the success as it happens

      (just kidding no i won’t don’t be mad carly)

  9. i’m actually sexually attracted to this event. like i changed my concept of my sexual orientation to encompass events. that picture of gabby and carly changed my life forever

      • i want to mud wrestle you for this comment.

        let’s see if Strand will set this up for their next queer dating event…

        but you know you like me in a fitted cap, hater-Rachel.

    • rachel this event had your name written all over it. i actually looked around at one point (while glancing at lesbian pulp novels) and thought “omg rachel and riese would love this event.” probably you should both fly in for the next one.

  10. Damn! If I knew about this beforehand, I would have attended! Most of those girls look to be a bit older than me though, and far more established in their lives. Is it a friendly place if you’re in your early 20s? But I mean, it’s not like I mind the older ladies anyway…

    • Most of the women that I talked to were either in college or had graduated a couple of years ago…I’d say average age was from 21-26? You should come next time…the old lesbians and I will welcome you into the cult of love (I’m 30.) Lmao

    • hi val! it was totally friendly for everyone, i think. definitely lots of younger women (but also older ladies, it was a good mix but honestly veered younger so don’t be intimidated or unsure about coming, you should definitely come!) also i like to pretend that no one is “established in their lives” because it gives me less anxiety to think everyone feels just as confused as i do every single day as we all muddle through this world.

  11. This looks/sounds so fun! I’m very much not single but if I was I’d be all over this. I also love The Strand, so. Now I’m a little bit sad I’m not single because I’d love to talk books with a bunch of lovely queer ladies. (Don’t tell my fiance I said that.)

    • haha i just gushed to my girlfriend for a good ten minutes about how amazing the event was and how i would be all over it if i were single. she was very good natured about it.

      • We’ll just have to arrange an event that is for making friends, not finding dates. Friends are good too. Also my fiancee and I don’t really have any other ladygay-couple friends. I don’t know how that happened, but like all of our friends are opposite-sex couples. So we should make speed friendship-ing a thing.

  12. Whyyyy did this have to happen five days before I move to New York? I want to meet you all and be friends and yay! Please tell me there’s going to be a second one :)

    • this was the second one! but there can be a third! and a fourth! just tell the strand how great you think this is and encourage them to keep loving the lesbians!

  13. This thing about being a boss by getting closer to your date… instead of hopping on the table, what if you climbed across the table and sat in her lap? Do you automatically win or would you get kicked out?

  14. I really want to go to New York. Seriously. I’ve been thinking about going to New York for months. My imagination is not limited by my bank account.

  15. wow! here’s a thing that would actually only work in a city where there are more than, like, nine lesbians. i need to go to there.

  16. I found out about this too late!!!!! Any chances of you guys doing it again at Strand?? Or any other NYC based bookstore?

  17. you forgot to mention that we got to KEEP THE BOOKS WE USED TO DRAW OUR INTERPRETATION OF OUR FAVORITE BOOK. it was a surprise until the end of the night when we got to unwrap it – i got an awesome book about stieg larsson.

    it was also really fun besides that. it was my first time speed-dating and i’ll be sure to do it again now that i had such a positive experience! also, the wine helped. haha

  18. the strand is like my favorite place in the universe! if i had been there my head would have exploded it sounds like this is so cool

  19. I love the Strand! Go to the Strand. Support the Strand in all the ways! Spend your dollars at the Strand on the next Read A F*cking Book club selection! Go spend time at the Strand! Read your new book at the very table Gabby stood on! (And maybe have a *moment* with that table? Go ahead. The Strand doesn’t judge)

  20. Hey ladies, it’s Kate. You all warm my little heart so much! (and yes, I’m seeing love connections in these papers in front of me… eeeee you will get them soon!) If you have other ideas of queerish events you want to see here, shoot me an email – [email protected] – xoxo to all of you.

  21. Someone help me organize this in Portland! I’m pretty ok at organizing events but a buddy would be nice!

  22. What were some of the icebreakers that people used? I feel this has lots of potential for hilarity…

    • Some lady said, “I’m gonna try this ‘LSD.’ And by that I mean ‘Lesbian Speed Dating, abbreviated.”” Wanted to make out with her for saying that, except she was the date of the woman sitting next to me.

      • I guess, if you’re thinking along those lines, ‘speed’ dating has room for misinterpretation too.

  23. Arghhh, awkward photo with me looking puzzled and amused is awkward? But anyhow, speed-dating was so much better second time around! More lovely people (twice as much maybe), more excitement, but not much more booze ;) I LOVE EVERYONE.

  24. I want this to happen in Norway, you guys..Or maybe I’ll just go on an exchange to New York? Maybe.

  25. This event was super fun! I was so glad there was an event where I could meet people and not be scared to talk to them because that’s how I usually am at bars – I just drink, look around, and leave. (Loser-ish and creepy, I know) But OMG, speed dating at the Strand was really fun! I love the Strand. It’s such a happy place.

Comments are closed.