Our resident Televisionary is out of town, but we still have tons of opinions on the past week of TV! I mean, Gossip Girl had a threesome AND Lady Gaga, we can’t just put that on hold.

As if seventh grade wasn’t already awkward enough — The New York Times Magazine reports on a new generation of gay teens coming out early. Also: a look behind the scenes of 11 years of MTV’s “True Life.”

Carlytron yells at Grey’s Anatomy (again), wonders why she still watches Heroes, wonders why YOU aren’t watching Dollhouse, and gives you her Tron’s eye view on Gossip Girl, How I Met Your Mother, Saturday Night Live, and more.

The New Jersey Judicial Committee is gonna vote on same-sex marriage today! Maybe this time, for the first time, equality won’t hurry away!

“A 62-year-old woman faces a felony charge after allegedly hurling wine bottles at her girlfriend of 35 years after an argument, according to an affidavit released Monday.”

Time-Travel back to the beginning with Ellen, New York mayor would love to marry Heather & Caroline!, bad explanations for things, Gay Icons at the Portrait Gallery and how Bruno didn’t get sued.

Introducing Read a F*cking Book Wednesday, with other stuff about when to act on prop 8, starving interns, and a (fake trailer for a fake) new movie with an incredible new soundtrack starring the girl from clueless and the ironic girl!

True Blood, Nurse Jackie, Weeds, Defying Gravity, America’s Best Dance Crew, Intervention, The 2009 Teen Choice Awards, So You Think You Can Dance, My Life on the D-List, Drop Dead Diva, Toddlers & Tiaras,

Evangelical Christians, televangelists and other conservative religious leaders have been convicted of rape, sexual misconduct, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, rape as an accomplice, polygamy, infidelity, solicitation of male and female prostitutes, incest, sexual conduct with minors, taking indecent liberties with young boys and … stealing a sex toy from a woman’s home. Yet the ball’s still in their court. Why is that?

The results of our Annual Hot 100 are the result of a deeply scientific analysis of our thoughts and feelings as they developed beginning at brunch on Sunday May 10th until today, Wednesday May 13th, and analyzed by a team of professional analytical experts.”

Because we’ve been serious at the Roundtable for the last two weeks, we went easy on ourselves this week and asked what song makes you jump up and scream OMG THIS IS MY JAM! at the club? You know, the club? Where all the girls go to get down?

Carlytron, your Tuesday Televisionary, gives out her weekly TV Awards and rounds up the sitcoms so you don’t have to.

“As your resident Australian girl-on-girl, I feel it’s my obligation to update you on the most important thing to ever happen in the history of Lesbians in Australia (since the birth of Portia De Rossi): the torrid affair between Charlie and Joey.”

First of all: Hellooooooo Paige! Someone tell Papi that she can be a chula without the Hobby Lobby hats, please. In other news, remember how you laughed the whole time they played basketball? Me too.

But we fell in love with these characters in 2004 not because they self-mutilated or had fancy jobs on movie sets or had stalker/assistants or appeared on billboards; we loved them because they reminded us of us … just hotter, and living in West Hollywood. It was like our lives but burning a little brighter, and sexier, and richer … like most teevee shows are.

Max would like to do an internet search for you and Jenny wants to wear doilies and scream about merkins. Can we talk about how cute Alice is as Ira Glass?

Cut. Print. Adele is getting creep-city but we don’t care. There are court cases to be won and lesbian Turkish oil wrestling to be done.

See the joy and the laughter! At “LMFAO”’s end, Tasha’s proud of Alice, Bette & Tina are in love 4evs, Kit & Helena have successfully turned Hit Club into “Casablanca meets Studio Fifty-Fouh” (that’s my best transliteration of Kit’s pronunciation of “4″), Shane & Jenny are in the giggly charged-up first moments of what they still believe is Real Love and everyone is dancing and/or laughing! AND SCENE!!

Jenny is more Jenny than EVER this season, Shane fucks it up again, Helena’s even pretty in jail, and someone commits arson! arson! Oh yeah, and Alice and Tasha are cutehotadorablesexybeautifuletcetc.

What’s happening this week on the l word? Jane Lynch is naked, Max is pregs, Dylan is back, and Shane and Jenny are making out. oy vey.