02.09.10

August 10, 2009

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Katrina

Katrina

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In “Gay Friendly” Philippines, Lesbians Still Forced to Keep it in the Closet

The Philippines is widely regarded as Asia’s most gay-friendly country. So why are its lesbians forced to marry men, submerge desire and stay in the closet?

Katrina Casino

By Intern Katrina Casino

I get proposed to. A lot. Outside of gay clubs, by gay men. It seems to be the customary practice upon meeting other queer Filipinos here in the States. Give the gay eye, give the Filipino eye, hug and rejoice, pronounce each other’s names with silly fake Filipino accents, begin to plan a wedding so that our parents will never have to know. Standard, yeah?

It is for us.

It’s more than just a giant inside joke among countrymen, really. It’s more like a reflection of the greater society that our parents grew up in; flamboyant and celebratory at first glance but guarded and secret for those who dare to look closer. It’s a Filipino cultural thing: we can be out and proud and dancing queens (of any gender) all up in the gay clubs and in our lives away from home, but when it comes to family, a certain code of closeted conduct is expected.

01_Manila_mixed_49The capital city of the Philippines, Manila, is a city that lives behind gates and listens through walls. It’s also a huge cultural center where tradition coexists clumsily with progress. Its palm-tree lined back alleys and boulevards give way to the towering monoliths of condominiums and office buildings which rise indiscriminately behind stately manors as often as they ominously shade rows of dilapidated huts.

The Philippines is also widely regarded as Asia’s most gay-friendly country. Despite this, it’s also the kind of place where, if you’ve got something to hide — and for women, this probably applies to most of your feelings and ideas — you’d better do so before everyone and their mom and their priest finds out about it.

Let me explain. When they say that the Philippines is a “gay-friendly” country, they mean two things:

1) Friendly to gay men, of course. What are these “lezz-be-ins” you speak of? Aren’t they from Greece or something? This is the Philippines, sorry, we don’t have those here.

The Philippines Gay (Male) Beauty Pageant

The Philippines Gay (Male) Beauty Pageant

2) “Gay-friendly” as in like, “we would like to tokenize you as our hairdressers and makeup artists because you gay guys are cute and funny, come make people laugh on our TV shows.

In fact, gay men are so prevalent in Filipino society and media that they’ve become universally recognized icons referred to as “the bakla” (meaning: “gay”). Although this term has a derogatory connotation (though, if we’re living in a society that holds a derogatory opinion of gays, isn’t even the truth meant to sound insulting?), it has very much been reclaimed by the gay male community, rendering it fairly harmless. It’s kind of like what’s been happening to “queer” in the US for the last 40 or so years. Redefining a word on our own terms takes away its deprecating power. They can’t shout it at us in the streets if we’re shouting it ourselves.

The bakla remains something of a jester or a spectacle in society, something to be tolerated, but not necessarily fully accepted or understood. Still though, because they are frequently employed, once again as makeup artists or stylists, by upper-class women, they may gain social status. The bakla are given an opportunity that gay women are not: social mobility.

For some reason, the first thing most gays, male or female, say to me when I tell them I’m Filipino is, “Oh my God, my ex is Filipino, that’s so funny!” Really though, if all of you have Filipino exes, where are they?! Where the girls at?

Social mobility is a big deal because tolerance of homosexuality varies among classes. Those in the lower classes tend to have more pressure to have children as a form of financial security. Those in the upper classes are more likely to be followed and scrutinized by society as a whole. It’s a lose-lose situation, but at least gay men, being men, are afforded a greater opportunity for financial independence, freeing them, to some extent, from familial expectations or obligations.

Where the girls at?

For some reason, the first thing most gays, male or female, say to me when I tell them I’m Filipino is, “Oh my God, my ex is Filipino, that’s so funny!” To which I usually reply, “Oh we’re totally related! How did you know?” because I am sadistic and enjoy making people feel uncomfortable using my ethnicity and sexuality. Really though, if all of you have Filipino exes, where are they?! Where the girls at?

I dunno, perhaps ask the Catholic Church.

Good Friday in The Philippines

Good Friday in The Philippines

See, the history, and subsequently the contemporary culture, of the Philippines is one largely shaped by colonization. For about 300 years the Philippines was under the crown of Spain (I’m still a little mad about this), and as we all know, the Imperial Spanish loved their Catholicism! 90% of the Philippines is Catholic, which manifests itself in some relatively innocuous ways (neon “Jesus Loves His Children” signs on the highway, the God’s Love Drugstore), but also becomes prevalent and highly influential in harmful ways, such as hegemony over the government and the shaping and reinforcement of social norms.

Seemingly less dangerous than the all-American “God-Hates-Fags” route is the Filipino Catholic Church’s focus on a specific type of family unit. Though the Filipino family can be a cohesive, supportive, and loving unit, the pressure to, or rather expectation that one will, create a family weighs heavily against the closet door. Here the traditional heterosexual family model is the only acceptable possibility; same-sex marriage, never mind adoption by a same-sex couple, is not within the realm of public consideration, and so for women, who are expected to have children, marriage to a man is really the only option. Sorta like pre-WWII America, where women couldn’t come out because (among other things) their position in society did not allow them to seek or achieve financial independence from their husbands.

Katrina and her gay shoes

Katrina & Shoes with Postcard

Specific gender roles, it is no surprise, are also strictly adhered to. With women in powerful careers as well as in political positions (we’ve even had several female presidents), the Philippines is pretty progressive when it comes to the workplace roles of women. Despite this, the prevailing sentiment is still that the primary role of women is in the home, and they are expected to maintain a certain air of “femininity” within their appearance. This is the kind of weird shit that comes up when my family is about to go to church on Sunday, and 30 seconds before we walk out the door my mom freaks out and tells me to “wear girl shoes” because I “had better look like a girl.” Like what the hell does that even mean? I’m a girl, I’m wearing these shoes. Girl shoes. It’s easy.
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While in the Philippines last month I surprisingly did find some lesbinformants, if you will, to ask about what it’s like to be in a new generation of gay ladies in the Philippines. This happened unexpectedly while I was out on my first night at a (straight) bar with my cousin and her friends. We were sitting at the bar, eating chicken wings and being legal (at 19, being underage in the US is getting a little old), when a girl walks in— you know the type—gay swagger, plaid shirt, aviators in the collar even though its 11pm, and to my internally wide-eyed surprise, she walks right over and sits next to my cousin.
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NEXT:These stories finally give some light as to why my parents and I were mutually shocked by each others reaction to my coming out.

Comments

In “Gay Friendly” Philippines, Lesbians Still Forced to Keep it in the Closet

(71)

  1. Ali

    AMAZING article. Thanks so much for your profile.

    Reply
    1. Bading in NYC

      Pinoy lesbians do have some political visibility in groups such as The ‘Babaylan Group’ (the name is from pre-Hispanic cross-dressing priests) at the University of the Philippines, ‘CLIC’ (Cannot Live In the Closet) in the main city of Manila, ‘Lesbond’ in the summer mountain resort city of Bagiuo and ‘The Group’ in the southern city of Davao. Here in the U.S. there is ‘Kilawin Kolektibo’ (literally the ‘ceviche collective’ with ‘Tibo’ being Pinoy slang for lesbian). And yes, while the most visible exemplars of ‘baklas’ or ‘badings’ (gay men) are in couture and coiffure, the majority are office workers, doctors, nurses, soldiers (even a 4-star Brigadier General) and the like.

      The difficulty here is in transposing the notion of being ‘out’ onto a culture that does not necessarily fall within the monolithic model of ‘gayness’. Certainly not in the politicized manner that it is usually defined in the west.

      I myself know some flamboyantly gay Pinoy men who are accepted as such by their wives and children. So go figure…

      Reply
  2. Jo

    That was really, really good. Really.

    Reply
  3. Geneva O

    Gosh, this was an excellent article. I got all out of bed and turned my computer back on after seeing the link to this article on TweetDeck (of course, having to check Twitter one last time before falling into a deep drug-induced sleep). I am glad I got out of bed for this. Thank you.

    Deciding to put my career ahead of my personal life (no, not usually wise), I followed finally coming out with just weeks later leaving Vancouver (you know, one of the most lesbian-friendly cities ever) for Manila (a city, as you pointed out, where lesbian-friendly is not even close to the reality here). I’ve spent the last year living in Makati City, the Manila business district, and have come up short in all of my attempts to locate some sort of an active lesbian network. Unfortunately my total inability to speak the local language likely doesn’t help anything (while the English in the Philippines is excellent, there is something to be said for networking opportunities that come with knowing the local tongue), and there is also nothing on the internet except dead ends, there are no exclusive Lesbian bars, and I have no idea how my very Catholic employees (who tell me often that they are praying for me, maybe because I yell “Jesus Christ” at inappropriate times ) would react if I asked them if they know any gay ladies, regardless of how out of the closet I am here.

    Your explanation of the historical, religious, and personal family pressures that have caused and continue to cause Lesbian women across the Philippines staying in the closest/living heterosexual lifestyles, is insightful, extremely interesting, and in a lot of ways for me very helpful. In an attempt to pull an immature “I told you so,” I have already sent this article to my therapist, who for over a year has had a very hard time understanding why every time I talk to her on the phone I haven’t gotten any further in my “goal” to make a lesbian bff or two. She keeps telling me I cannot possibly be the only lesbian in Manila, and while I obviously am not (case in point, Lesbinformant 1 and 2 – if either of them are looking for a new bff let me know), the idea that I am just not trying hard enough is not the whole issue here.
    Yes, thank you for this.

    Reply
    1. riese

      this is so awesome in so many ways. thanks for reading and for sharing. you have to let us know what your therapist says. :-)

      Reply
      1. Gena

        My therapist said, after reading this, that Katrina Casino is a very good writer. I am not joking. Response part one – that woman really can write.

        And then she said she believed me a little bit but that I have to find my way into the secret society (more my words than hers, the secret society reference anyway), and if that doesn’t work I need to hop a plane (yes, her term this time, for reals) to Hong Kong every once in a while so I can get laid.

        In other news, I made a friend. HERE in Manila. Because of this article/this website. You alls are awesome.

        Reply
        1. Gena

          I used two different names here, my bad. Same person, I just have two names. I hope that makes me special.

          Reply
    2. cdk

      There is a Filipino thread on AfterEllen.com you might want to check out in the forum section. Most of the discussion is in English (since it is an English language site). You can make some online acquaintances that way. I think there are also some online forums like http://lezpinay.unlimitboard.com/forum.htm but I haven’t checked it out so I don’t know if it is active or not.

      Reply
  4. Gem

    Really interesting article, it was certainly a different take on my understanding of being gay in the Philippines but I can see where you’re coming from. Very good read indeed.

    Reply
  5. Vashti

    My Filipina sister! This gave me a LOT of feelings. I may only be half Filipina but that side of the family is enough for me to feel the pressure. I haven’t come out to them yet because, frankly, I’m terrified. My uncle’s gay and I see what he has to go through and it’s dumb. He can’t visit my great grandmother [even though they're very close] because every time he goes there, my great aunt blesses him. His mother is praying for him because of his sexuality. I can’t even begin to imagine what they’d do about me. Whether I like it or not my family kind of considers me a “big deal” because I was the first daughter born in three generations or something [and I definitely started a trend.. all my cousins are girls.] I’m also the first one born in my generation. So they expect a lot from me. It’s so unfortunate that the stereotype of Filipinos being all up in EVERYBODY’S business is so true in my family. Family gatherings consist of gossip, food, gossip, more food, and a whole lot of gossip. Everyone loves a good scandal and once one family member finds out that I’m gay, the entire family will know within a few days and I can guarantee no one will stick up for me.

    Reply
    1. Vashti

      Ok, obvs my parents would stick up for me [my mom likes the gays/is not filipina and my dad doesn't really share a lot of the same values and traditions as the rest of his family] but everyone else.. I’m not holding my breath.

      Reply
  6. Cheryl

    Nice article Katrina!

    I don’t speak Tagalog but if I did, I would say something to you right now in Tagalog!

    Like “Good job girl!” or “People just don’t know what it’s like, you brought some good insight to the situation.”

    I get written off b/c I don’t speak Tagalog. It’s kinda mean but my parents never taught me!

    Reply
  7. Kimbit

    Really well written! Amazing article!

    Reply
  8. intern xandra

    “I’m a girl, I’m wearing these shoes. Girl shoes. It’s easy.”

    I think you just won every argument a gay girl has had with her parents about her clothing/shoes/general appearance.

    also I have many bromotions about this piece

    slow clap

    Reply
  9. stef

    great job, little pimp!
    you made me think of that part in bend it like beckham where the mom yells GET YOUR LESBIAN FEET OUT OF MY SHOES!

    Reply
  10. denEmat

    Maraming Salamat! haha like the only thing I know how to say in Tagalog. Excellent article… As a Filipina it is nice to see I am not alone in my struggle between this strange dichotomy of wanting what my family wants and staying true to my own desires… YAY so thanks for this

    Reply
  11. laura

    katrina this is SO GOOD. i knew/ow nothing about the philippines, but this made me feel much more enlightened. and way to put your parents’ reactions into context ’cause that can be really really hard to do.

    Reply
  12. Brooke

    Dad: I just…think that you should try dating boys.
    Me: I think that YOU should try dating boys!
    +
    well said.
    +
    well written piece. except i don’t see any mention of rice. i feel things have to happen out in the rice paddies.

    Reply
    1. riese

      paddies.

      Reply
      1. Brooke

        that’s what it says?

        Reply
        1. Brooke

          and that’s what she said.

          Reply
        2. riese

          did you just edit that or have i gone blind. you said patties.

          Reply
  13. Intern Emily

    i’m really glad i’m friends with someone who can write about something serious and still be funny. i’m having a hard time saying how awesome this is, but know that it is really, really awesome. good job little chicklet!!

    Reply
  14. crystal

    This is ace, really really well done. I particularly enjoyed the paras about lesbian smoke signals and the use of the word ‘lesbinformant’.

    As for DEBS being the most underrated of lesbian films – Agreed. Totally.

    Reply
  15. Robin

    Katrina, wowwwwwieee!!! This was a really well written, insightful, and hilarious piece. You are such a star.

    “Being willing to meet them halfway means nothing if they’re not willing to budge, ’cause that just means I’m standing here halfway, alone, in my gay shoes.” I love this so much and although I come from a very different background, I understand what this feels like 100% and have for a long time, and it is a terrible feeling. You put it into words so well. I just want to give you a big queer hug.

    Reply
  16. Intern Lily

    This was wonderful and funny and sad and witty and a million other emotions that are not always felt at the same time but that you managed to jumble all together in one amazing piece.
    And I compleeeetely agree about the DEBS thing!

    Reply
  17. riese

    Even on my 15th read, I still LOL at you asking your Dad to try dating boys. Actually I just read it again and laughed again.

    This is so good, kc danger jazzy hurricane. I’m gonna play a song on your harmonica for you.

    Reply
  18. Lynne

    this was like watching a gay episode of no reservations w/ anthony bourdain on the travel chan. (only reading, not watching you know)

    it’s really awesome (as everyone has said) :D

    Reply
  19. Intern Daphne

    this is so gay awesome or better….gawesome. This is actually the first time in long I read the an article in one strech, without getting sidetracked by twitter or your mom of whatever.

    insert #slowlorrisclap

    Reply
  20. altered_ego

    Wait. Sexuality. Politics. Religion. Cultural Relativism of being gay in the Philippines vs US.
    ____

    I’ve a lot of thoughts regarding this matter and gaygod help me my mind won’t pull a Dory on me this time.

    Seriously, why of all times must I chance upon this article at this hour when my mind is not entirely in its lucid (non)glory. Argh.

    Let me start by sharing the life cycle of questions for us (this may not hold true for everyone, but I’m assuming most of you would agree–oh yeah, of course, I’m Pinoy):
    1. Do you have a boyfriend?
    2. When are you getting married?
    3. When are you going to have a baby?
    4. When is the Baptism?
    5. When are you planning on having another baby?
    Repeat question #4 and #5 until you’ve reached your desirable quota.

    See, whenever there are family gatherings, one is sure to be stumped with question #1, because you know, your love life is everyone’s business. If you’re not out to your family, you’ll end up being hounded with the perpetual question of where’s-your-significant-(opposite sex) other-and-why-haven’t-you-introduced-him-to-us-yet? For years I’ve dodged that question and as if by knee-jerk reaction, I answer with great gusto, “I enjoy being single and independent.” I’ve said it too many times, I might as well record my obligatory response and play it whenever asked. Luckily though my immediate family isn’t one of those families, it’s my other relatives that ask this barrage queries. Do I blame Roman Catholicism for this mentality? Organized religion sure does have a way of affecting one’s life whether you believe in this predominant religion or not.

    I’m not holding my breath for the laws to be changed as regards gay marriage. Admit it or not, Philippine politics is beholden to religious influences. It’s political suicide if a government official dares to advocate something that blatantly defies the Church’s teachings. I’m sure, rather, I hope there are some politicians out there who are willing to champion equal rights for the LGBTQ community. Heck, if US hasn’t done it yet, what hope is there for Pinoy politics. Don’t get me wrong, it’s just that even after almost half a century of American occupation, there’s no denying that Uncle Sam still has the most influence back home.

    Sure, the Philippines may be a thousand leagues ahead of other Asian countries with regard to “acceptance,” or *gasp* tolerance of one’s sexuality, but the way we are portrayed in the media is either downright stereotypical or non-existent. The gay males which are daily staples of variety shows are still the butt of everyone’s jokes—it hasn’t changed one bit since time immemorial, I tell you. Filipinos know gays and lesbians exist but we are utterly forced into the dichotomous schema of loud and eccentric for gay males, and tomboy which by the way is tantamount to being lesbian. That’s what we’re missing as far as representation in the media: the gray area between these extreme perceptions. Oh, who am I kidding, is there lesbian visibility at all? As far as I know, all points lead to Aiza Seguerra (out singer/song-writer/actress) when the word “lesbian” is mentioned in Pinoy pop culture. That’s it, or are there new token lesbians now? I sure hope so.

    Gay until high school or college. Yep, I can attest to this. I’ve a lot of friends (coming from a Catholic exclusive girls high school) who were “gay” until they got out into the magical world of heteronormativity. I can’t speak on their behalf though; I mean, for all I know, it may as well have been an experimental phase for them, or that they’ve simply allowed society’s pressure to be “normal” be drilled into their consciousness. And of course, we all know that the latter is most tragic. It’s like a thousand hallelujah’s can be heard whenever there’s a “convert” i.e. the butchiest of all butches from high school or college has finally come to her senses and decided to grow her hair long and have a boyfriend. It’s these instances that somehow fuel the notion that it’s a choice being gay. As far as being a gay Filipina here in the US, I’ve no idea yet, because honestly, I have yet to meet one. How sad is that?

    I guess it’s a universal truth for gays that coming out to your family is the point of no return. It’s that moment when your relationship with them as you know it may come falling down right before your very eyes. And yes, it’s friggin’ scary, but I guess my self-respect triumphs over the fear of rejection from them. I can never forgive myself if I can’t show them who I really am. After all, my being gay is just an ancillary facet of my entirety as a person.

    Hmm. I’ve lost track of time and I’ve babbled enough. Sorry for the long post. I’m not sure if it made any sense at all.

    Reply
  21. Michelle E.

    I’m currently sitting in an internet cafe in a city just outside of Manila.
    I could barely contain myself from screaming or laughing or doing something crazy when I saw and read this article. It was too personal. The things you mentioned in this article were the same observations that have been bothering me for so long.
    I’m a Filipina as well. I was born here but left for Canada when I was 6. It’s been 10 years, I’m 16 now, and this is my first time back. I arrived on July 10, and I’m here until Sept. 2 so I’m really getting a huge taste of the culture. Although I can’t speak the language well, it’s been so useful being able to understand Filipino and about 5 other dialects.
    Before coming here I was somewhat hoping that I would finally get the courage to take advantage of a good opportunity to come out to my parents and the rest of my family all at once. But after arriving and learning more about what it means to be gay in the Philippines, I’ve only become discouraged. And plus, there was already too much family drama so I didn’t want to make things worse. I guess I’ll just have to wait until university then. Maybe I’ll even get a doctor girlfriend so that, at least, will be a small comfort for them.
    But I think they all suspect it anyways. My mom once actually asked me if I was a tomboy (apparently the Filipino term for lesbian), but I didn’t know that tomboy meant lesbian so I was just went “Uh, yes? Duh?” And she was so shocked I automatically said “just kidding” to make her calm down, and walked away confused. Depressing to think how I missed an easy chance to come out because of a small cultural difference…people would have finally stopped asking me if I have a boyfriend.
    Anyway on a much lighter note, it was a pleasant surprise to learn that two of the Interns are Filipinas too! At least now I know there are other lesbian Filipinas than Aiza Seguerra! (who I only know because everyone was comparing me to her, which led to my grandmother telling me to not end up a lesbian like her. Yay.) I wonder if we have a support group or something.
    -sigh- It’s hard being too young to really get the chance to explore and experience the underground lesbian scene here, but I’ll survive. I saw some bootleg copies of the L Word selling for about $1 per season.

    Reply
    1. Vashti

      As one of the Filipina interns, I’d just like to say that I love reading all these comments and seeing so many lesbian FIlipinas! It’s awesome! I can’t speak for Katrina but I’m sure she’d agree [and if not, I'll make her agree, don't worry] that we’d definitely love to talk to all of you if you actually do need any sort of support or whatever. We’re here to help and/or talk about our feeeeeeeeeeeelings! Haha.

      Reply
  22. apple

    Really, really well written, and really, really interesting article and just all-round awesome. Thanks so much.

    Reply
  23. Alex!

    Lovely! (: Thanks for sharing.
    —–
    I fourth the motion about DEBS. It fosho caused of one of my first AH-HA! moments… cause yaknow Jordana Brewster is quite cute. =P

    Reply
  24. Zahra Anne

    I really appreciate the depth and breadth of autostraddle’s articles! Keep it up!

    This article is great and just what the general community needs to see, that the lives and cultures of queer people extends across the whole globe.

    Reply
  25. lesboinPI

    i love you! :D so far all my cousins know, i’ve told my aunt and uncle but yeah, they just can’t grasp it. they’re respectful enough though. i still have no idea when i will/can come out to my parents. this article should be featured in girl magazines…

    Reply
  26. jimlet

    hi good job guys, coming out of the closet is really scary specially if your facing your parents…so thanks guys!

    Reply
  27. morally straight

    If you’re a woman, it is definitely revolting to imagine having a relationship with your same sex. You lesbians are sick in the head. No wonder why most lesbian relationships are very emotionally and physically abusive. Get it straight, there is really something wrong with your mental state.

    Reply
    1. Dagra Dai

      Guess what?

      TOO BAD! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK!

      Reply
  28. Middle East Brit

    I’m a middle-aged British lesbian who’s been hanging out in the Middle East for the psst 25 or so years, so although I am confident about my sexuality, and my family are moderately tolerant, I don’t live near them and don’t see them often. I am however used to living in religious-based cultures (in this case Islam, but Catholicism in the Philippines) that are not willing to acknowledge gays and lesbians or give them rights. Now I’m in a dilemma. For the past 18 months I have been in a loving relationship with a younger Filipina who was working here and has now gone back to her country. She wants me to follow, drawing pictures of a happy life there together, running a small business, and I am tempted but terrified too! I’ve always loved the Far East, having lived in Malaysia as a child, and visited Thailand many times – but would we be able to run a business, and live together in our own home, without being hassled or outcast? Its worrying to hear that things are still so difficult, as per the other comments left on here..
    I would love to network with others, both in and out of the country, to help decide where to consider living. My girlfriend is quite sure she does not want to live in Pampanga, where her family are! But incidentally she knows Manila well, and has loads of “tomboy” friends!!
    To be honest, they are quite easy to spot, since they dress like women we used to call “butch” in my younger days!

    Reply
    1. cdk

      The main difficulty about being out in the Philippines is dealing with family pressure. Filipinos are pretty tolerant and rather non-confrontational. Non-family members will not get in your face about your sexuality. So it shouldn’t be a problem for you.

      For example, I have a good friend who is very accepting of me and my wife. But when she found out her younger sister is gay, it was difficult for her to adjust to it. She’s ok now, but at first there was quite a bit of family pressure, I heard, on the younger sister. Her girlfriend was not accepted initially. And since they are a very closely knit family, it was difficult for them. Since the younger sister stood her ground, they all just had to come to terms with it.

      Reply
  29. jane

    wow!!!
    i never thought finding something like this..
    it was very striking..good job..:)

    Reply
  30. Mandy

    wow i just finished this artical and its great. I am a white girl in my first my first same sex relationship. She is a filipino and we are going home to meet here mom this month. Its my first time to travel out of the US and my first out experience. I am terrified.ButI feel i can identify with alot of what you say and i know more of what she goes through back home. Thanks

    Reply
  31. Aurisu

    Great article! I am half Filipina, a lesbian and wanted to know how the situation in the Philippines is because I live in Austria/Europe. I was playing with the idea to live in the Philippines for a while (and I have a lot of relatives in manila) but currently I am not that sure anymore, thanks to your great article.

    Reply
  32. miss_terry

    wow…this is such a breath of fresh air to read.

    i am definitely 100% filipina, born, raised and unfortunately, ageing as a closeted-lesbian here in the Philippines. I’ve had my share of serious same-sex relationships but is presently pretty much single. i guess the more you get older, the more you try/wish you could look for a more lasting relationship.

    I’ve to agree on most of the points raised regarding coming out. It is sure is “hell” doing so in a country as unaccepting as ours. Which is the very reason why until now, i have opted to stay in closet.

    For those who are asking if it would be a good idea living in the philippines with their girlfriends, just one advice: if you’re the type of person who really wouldn’t mind what other people would say and think about you/yourlife, then by all means, philippines (manila) is a nice place to live in.

    good job to all those who have shared their thoughts on this thread :)

    Reply
  33. zetra

    Pretty accurate about the lesbian scene here in the philippines… Great article! :)

    I was born, raised and still living here and if not for my trips to america i wouldn’t have been open to the idea that there are actually lesbians who are femmes. Actually i was fortunate enough to meet with some of those said femmes early this year and if not of my constant interactions with them through the net since then, i would still be of the thought that every lesbian here are the “butch” types who will be contented to have relationships with straight – confused – girls, who will eventually drop them for a guy… Sad but so true…

    But in retrospect, the philippines is a country that is tolerant to same-sex relationships. Of course there will always be discriminations, snide comments and askance glances. But we will always get that no matter where we are in the world. So for those who are thinking of living here, just bear with it and DO NOT LIVE CLOSE TO FAMILY…

    Hope to be friends with some of you here :)

    Reply
  34. Juliffer

    Great article that I sent to my filipina friends. Question why is the pinks and blues (butch-femme dynamic) so prevalent with filipina lesbians? I see that there is a new category called purples which I’m guessing issomething like middle or the road or switches have become more accepted as of recently. I’ve dated a few filipinas and since I’m so femme they seem to prefer that I always bottom or behave as a pillow princess. Not complaining but I recieved comments that I can’t come until you do. I even dated one stone who wouldn’t let me reciprocate at all. I know from reading about the history of butch-femme dynamics in the US that they believe this exsists or is more prevalent in cultures that still repress sexuality or keep it underground. But because our society haqs grown more accepting of gays we see less of this dynamic and to a point we reject girls in either category or labels. I am curious as to what others opinions are of this?

    Reply
  35. Juliffer

    Sorry this is my proofread and clarified post. Where’s my netiquette? LOL

    Great article that I sent to my Filipina friends. Question why is the pinks and blues (butch-femme dynamic) so prevalent with Filipina lesbians? I see that there is a new category called purples which I’m guessing is something like middle or the road or switches have become more accepted as of recently. I’ve dated a few Filipinas here in the U.S. and since I’m so femme they seem to prefer that I always bottom or behave as a pillow princess. Not complaining but I received comments that I can’t come until you do. I even dated one stone butch who wouldn’t let me reciprocate at all. I know from reading about the history of butch-femme dynamics in the U.S. that they believe this exists or is more prevalent in cultures that still repress sexuality or keep it underground. But because our society has grown more accepting of gays we see less of this dynamic and to a point we reject girls in our own community that can be lumped into either category. We really seem to detest labels now. I am curious as to what others opinions are of this?

    Reply
  36. Zoe

    Good Luck!

    This was very very inspiring! Even though I don’t know you I feel overwhelmingly proud of you! Weird? Possibly, but your articles and autostraddle are such a powerful and encouraging part of my life and the lesbian community (lesbommunity?) every single day.

    Way-to-go, Les-Bro-I-Dont-Even-Know!

    Reply
  37. Vee

    I’m a Filipina bisexual, and I’m writing a persuasive speech which, hopefully, would encourage the audience to appreciate and accept gay women just like how they accept gay men.

    Our society right now should be more open-minded. Boohoo. Some people think only straight men and women should exist. They have to deal with the fact that we’re human too, and guess what? We’re proud to be gay. Deal with it.

    Reply

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