Top Chef Challenges Lesbian Contestant, Kim Stolz Asks “Where Are the F*cking Women?”


On last night’s episode of Top Chef, lesbian contestant Ashley finds the bacheloette party challenge “beyond comprehension,” and wasn’t shy about saying so. Who was out of line — Bravo (Top Chef’s network), Ashley, or just the heteronormative world we live in? Autostraddle has feelings.

Teevee Posts! Also, check out our Reality Televisionary, including Project Runway and Top Chef premiere recaps as well as Intervention and America’s Best Dance Crew. Then, Carlytron gives us a dose of Televisionary awesomeness with Weeds Goes Gay, True Blood Gets Hypnotized and Nurse Jackie Hits the Pill-O-Matix.

Movie Post! Documentaries for Homos: Deliver Us Evil, For the Bible Tells Me So, Tying the Knot, Religulous and Trembling Before G-d.

Have you entered the AUTOSTRADDLE SUMMER SCAVENGER HUNT? Time is running out to participate in the best thing that has ever happened to you!

+ Arts & Culture

kim stolzGLAAD ALERT: We were sitting here flipping through the Manhattan glaad event photo album on Queerty wondering why all the fancy gay events are seemingly soley attended by: 1)Gay men, 2)Straight women-who-love-and-entertain-gay-men and then we come to Kim Stolz, reading our fucking minds: “Whenever I go to a gay event, it’s all men…what is that? …Where are the fucking women? I find that the best events seem to have the men, so I don’t think that’s very fair. I want to get dressed up for some women sometime, you know?” Sidenote Carlytron & Robin were there, probs super dressed up for each other!! Anyhow THANK YOU KIM STOLZ. (@queerty/wireimage)

BLOODSUCKAHS: Is Evan Rachel Wood Playing a Lesbian Vampire on True Blood? “She’s not necessarily a lesbian,” Wood, 21, recently explained to me. “Her human partner is a girl, but I’m pretty sure she goes both ways [laughs]. I think vampires are like that in general.” (@e!)

LESBIAN LIVING A LIE: We don’t even know what to tell you about the answer to this. There are some confusing sections. Help! I’m a Lesbian married to a man: I know that I am a lesbian. I dream of being with a woman. However, I am married with one child. I love my husband, and I believe he knows in his heart I am gay.I don’t love having sex w ith my husband, but I do what I must in order to make him happy. I struggle with what I am doing. But our life is so good and comfortable, why change it?

DEGRASSI: Degrassi Goes Hollywood premiered last night at the Toronto Film Festival, and all the (kinda) stars came out for the show — Lauren Collins, Adamo Ruggiero, less the ones who have already moved to Hollywood for real, Aubrey Graham — aka rapper Drake (Jimmy in the wheelchair) and Shenae Grimes (now starring in 90210) . Also notably absent from the film are Melissa MacIntyre (Ashley) and Deanna Casaluce, who played lesbian Alex Nuñez, otherwise known as one half of famous lesbian relationship “Palex.”


Cassie Steele, Stacey Farber, Adamo Ruggiero, Lauren Collins, Jake Epstein and Jason Mewes

THE RUNAWAYS: The Runaways is absolutely not a biopic. It’s not fact-for-fact.. … Even if it’s not a huge movie, it’s going to have a colossal effect on young girls playing rock ‘n’ roll, for sure. Kristen [Stewart] was so into it … really serious about it and was watching me and asking me all sorts of questions.”  – Joan Jett (@hollywoodreporter)

TWITTER: Teenagers don’t like twitter, but adults love it. Our theory? They already know where everyone else is. It’s one thing to have hundreds of adults live-tweeting The L Word Finale, and quite another to have hundreds of teenagers live-tweeting their AP exams. The New York Times suggests: “As the Web grows up, so do its users, and for many analysts, Twitter’s success represents a new model for Internet success. The notion that children are essential to a new technology’s success has proved to be largely a myth.” (@nytimes)messier

WOMYN: Women’s Equality Day marked the 89th anniversary of women’s suffrage. Jezebel says we’ve come a long way baby but we’ve got so much further to go. (@jezebel)

EATING: PsychCentral examines the many definitions of ‘normal eating’: Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life. (@psychcentral)

REALITY TEEVEE: Out lesbian actress Noelle Messier has been cast in a new acting competition reality show taping between August 31 and September 17 called Hellbent for Hollywood.  show “combines the excitement of American Idol with the competitive challenges of Survivor.”

LADY GAGA’S A HAPPY PHANTOM OR IS SHE: “She’s what I call a meteor – singers who entertain people for a while. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. But then there are people like Neil Young who show up at Glastonbury 40 years into their career. And that’s a very different kind of artist. Neil Young doesn’t have to get his bum out on stage! She wants to entertain people. Right now, half the world is depressed and they need to be entertained. So her timing’s perfect.Tori Amos on Lady Gaga (@thesunuk)

+News & Politics

RIP: Ted Kennedy sponsored a number of LGBT and human rights bills over his 46-year career, including, most recently, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, the Senate’s first bill to include transgender rights.  He also spoke at the 2008 HRC Equality Convention.  LGBT and AIDS activists react to the death of Ted Kennedy:  “Ted Kennedy was an old school politician who was forward thinking enough to have been a longtime hero that championed equality long before many others.” (@joemygod

SOME PPL IN TEXAS LIKE GAYS: El Paso, Texas City Council voted 7-1 to grant health benefits to the partners of the city’s LGBT employees.  (@kfoxtv)

UK GAY YOUTH BIG LOTTO FUND:  The UK’s Big Lottery Fund has awarded more than $600K to a Bristol-based gay youth charity to fight homophobic bullying. @ukgaynews)

DYKE DRAMA: Two Russian lesbians were late for a court appearance about whether being denied a marriage license violated law and, in turn may have screwed up the country’s marriage fight.  (@queerty)


Auto-Straddler of the Day


Emma Watson for Elle UK August 2009


alex-iconfrom Intern Jess:
I love lists!  Check out the 50 most viewed Wikipedia articles from 2008 and 2009.  Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga & Sarah Palin make cameos.

green-iconfrom Laneia:
I promise you will never see a facebook update from me on STFU Parents. Ever.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3228 articles for us.


  1. oh, i SO hope tori amos is wrong. you have no idea how desperately i want lady gaga to still be showing everyone her ass and blowing sparks out her bra in 40+ years.

    • omg up until right now i thought that quote was from tori SPELLING. i was like, who cares what you think, go yell at your b&b gardeners or your mom.

  2. it’s disheartening to see that “vagina” fell from #32 to #36 most-viewed wiki articles between 2008 and 2009. know that i will be personally rectifying this – vagina 2010!

        • Also sidenote; i feel like all the Internet Movie Database hits are people who think they are clicking to the article they want to read on IMDB about whatever actor or movie they just looked up, and instead it takes them to the Wiki entry about IMDB itself. I think I did that twice just yesterday alone, and personally do that probably 50 times a year.

          • you know you can add imdb search as a drop-down in your google search bar in firefox, right? saves precious seconds. bet max knew that.

  3. “I don’t love having sex with my husband, but I do what I must in order to make him happy.”

    Ew! That doesn’t sound appealing for all involved.

    • Personally, I like how the advice-giver begins with a kind of resentful acknowledgment that the psychological association no longer accepts the idea that gays can be made into non-gays.

      • True. I agree that unless Hubby is completely self-absorbed he can’t possibly be happy if his wife isn’t.
        If your husband, who has no hope of being desired in his life unless he cheats on you, does start sleeping with someone else, he will likely develop feelings for her, especially if she likes having sex with him.…um, one would hope that he developed feelings for her BEFORE he decided to cheat on his wife, but okay.
        I don’t agree with the implied message that she needs to choose between domestic happiness and sexual happiness. She can have both!
        Also, I don’t know what people mean when they say parents should stay together “for the sake of your child.” What’s more damaging to a kid, having happy parents under separate roofs, living separate yet fulfilling lives or unhappy parents sharing one house with silent resentment that gets stronger with each day? Wouldn’t a mother who was brave enough to be honest with herself and everyone else in spite of heteronormative societal pressures be a better role model? Am I crazy?

        • I totally agree! Children sense when something is wrong between their parents and suffer from it. My ex told me that when their parents split when she was around 14, she experienced it as relief. She was happy none of her parents was suffering any more.

          Also, I’ve never heard such an awkward definition of “good and comfortable” life :P

      • Yeah its great…almost like a nice wee caveat to say that if the Psych Association hadn’t given that guidance she’d be telling her to get to some ex-gaying therapy, stat!

  4. That Kim Stolz quote…gah, so true. Every film screening/pride booth/NCOD event I’ve ever helped coordinate has usually involved thirty guys, and maaaybe one other girl. It’s kind of dire.

  5. ok, parts of that advice column reply could’ve been written in the 50s. she seems very concerned w/ the husband’s sexual satisfaction and shows almost no interest in the mental wellness of the closeted wife who, I PROMISE, is far less satisfied sexually than her dodo bird husband and will be sliding into the depths of depression if she continues to live a lie.
    and the idea that you should be happy trading in one large thing for another large thing is THE REASON PEOPLE GROW OLD AND MISERABLE BY 35. actually, working a mundane job b/c it pays more is NOT ok! and staying married to man you NEVER WANT TO SEE NAKED makes no fucking sense! you can work an exciting job that pays well and you can have sex with women and you can raise happy children and you can even GO TO DISNEYLAND IF YOU WANT!
    i don’t think this advice-giver was hugged enough as a child.

    • I think it is really really really clear that this advice-giver doesn’t like gay people. Yes! That’s right! I’m one of those angry lesbians who thinks everything anyone ever does is homophobic! RAWR! No but for real.

      Let’s begin.

      1. “So, if you are a homosexual, no amount of therapy, thinking, wishing or hoping is going to change this.”

      Why would someone wish or hope to change their homosexuality? Is there something inherently wrong with it? ‘Cause this question suggests that there is.

      2. Her preoccupation with the husband’s happiness with very little regard for the woman’s is, well, beyond comprehension.

      3. What an attitude you have on there, Dr. Gail! Are we 12?
      a) Is [the husband’s] life tinged with unhappiness because this woman he desires does not desire him back?
      b) It is unfair of you to claim he knows in his heart when you have done nothing but give oblique hints.
      c) You say that your life is so great, and yet you struggle with what you are doing.

      4. “In an ideal world, for the sake of your child, you would remain married.” This is, I think, just plain wrong. It’s simply not true. There is nothing about staying in this marriage that would please the children. I think the children could benefit most from a mother who was fully able to access every human emotion possible and share that with her family, rather than constantly tiptoeing through a maze of self-established protective emotional walls.

      5. If your current life is so valuable to you that you are willing to forgo sexual fulfillment, that is your prerogative.

      Is that all it is, Dr. Gail? Sex? That’s the only thing that might be different about her being with a woman? Getting off?

      Ultimately I feel bad for Dr. Gail. Although giving advice like this is her prerogative.

      • Oh she’s defo homophobic. Totally agree about #4. its so true. I think an ‘expert’ telling someone that ‘staying together for the kids’ is the ideal option is wrong and just downright irresponsible. Having no love/happiness between your parents is fucking terrible. And its really no good for the kids at all, who just end up longing for their parents to divorce.
        I do not like this Dr. Gail Saltz.

  6. The twitter article was interesting… I’ve never really seen a point of getting one, so they’re def right on the teenager front. All I know is that my parents have twitters, but I don’t know anyone at my high school with one.

    • See, this made me feel weird, because I do have a twitter? I feel like the reverse version of those middle-aged moms who wear velour track suits to match their kids, like I am embarrassing myself by acting not my age.

  7. you know… im actually really sad about Ted Kennedy. and being sad about it makes me sad about being sad.

  8. OK. I might possibly kind of be in a similar situation as the “lesbian living a lie”. I mean, I’ve sort of just recently discovered the fact that I’m into women, and I’m not really sure what to do with it being as how I’m married. But my situation is different in that, I’ve known for a while now that my husband isn’t the right one for me anymore. I’m just trying to get some of my shit together before going through the whole divorce thing. Anyway, I’m upset that they even published that article, because the “advice” is so bad. I mean there is no possible way it can help the wife. The wife needs Autostraddle! Honestly, Autostraddle is what has helped me more than anything the past few months. Seeing that there are so many other girls out there that feel the same way I do about different things has really helped me feel less alone. That’s really all I have the energy to say right now. Thank you Autostraddle.


      I mean! Hi Heather! Thank you Heather for the kind words and I agree, how do we get that woman on Autostraddle? Maybe I should go comment there and be like, this is bullshit woman, I have a better place for you to go.

      I look forward to your future!

  9. I am in a totally different situation (out to my friends and most of the people I know) but I would like to strike a blow for Autostraddle, too. It’s not enough to have a bunch of people around you that understand, when you live in the most homophobic country of the Western world (Italy). It’s tremendously important to see that there are other friendly “environments”, not just single people here and there. Society “as a whole” CAN spare the homos some hate, sometimes.

    I learned this by travelling and living abroad, but as long as my feet touch this homoburning ground, it’s VITAL to get a glimpse of the good world EVERY DAY, or whenever I feel like I’m exploding (which is more and more often).

    So thanks for making me feel less hated, not just by a bunch of people, but by considerable slices of humankind.

    • Thanks for this, Barbara! That’s exactly what we’re trying to do here, and so it’s very awesome to hear that we’re starting to accomplish that goal. So you know, thank you, and also; you’re welcome, but mostly just thanks. :-)

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