Welcome to the seventh episode of American Horror Story, featuring an award-winning musical score by Hans Zimmer. I’m sorry, that’s not Hans Zimmer; it’s two goblins humping on a Casio keyboard. My mistake.

We’re finally using that plus one to a wedding! This week we’re stripping down lesbian TV couples in their finest! Style like Brittana, Sharmen, Talice, Fiona & Imogen and the Moms from The Fosters!

You need to watch this show right this minute!

What drug were the Glee writers on while designing this year’s Christmas special? That question and more will not be answered in this week’s recap!

Fall’s short on queer ladies, but we do have a killer vagina, Sean Hayes playing a gay dad, a new Joss Whedon show, Lizzy Caplan as a sex researcher, a new love interest for Kalinda and an Anna Faris sitcom.

“Stef: I don’t know how but somehow Rachel managed to find one X Files episode with lesbians in it.”

I hope your terrible facial hair overtakes your face and you choke on it.

Jill Bennett is BACK starring in a new comedy series, “Second Shot,” which she also co-created and produced.

Paige throws Emily a surprise birthday party but Emily shows up completely pissed off. This is not going to end well.

It’s college visit week in Rosewood and Emily has a sorority she really wants to visit, if you know what I mean. Also featuring a straight dude who can’t figure out that Emily is gay and Aria’s ugliest skirt yet!

“The BBC may have axed Lip Service, and have run out of Sarah Waters books to dramatize, but they do seem to be making a commitment to representing LGB people and admitting that they could do better.”

This week on Glee, everybody came back to Ohio for brunch at The Cracker Barrel and sang Stevie Wonder songs.

This week on Glee, everything ended. Because it was the last episode of the season. There will be more episodes next season though. So don’t worry about it. Also this episode was weird, so.

This week on Glee, the cool kids came back and sang songs and everybody got ready to embarrass themselves at sectionals and Carrie Bradshaw had a kiki!

This week Paige and Emily have a sleepover and Spencer does her very best to spank Mona. You don’t really want to miss this.

In which Ali and Emily fantasize about going to Paris together and Spencer finally figures out what’s behind the A-key door.

Intern Grace’s Team Pick: At last, a cartoon about Wonder Girl and Batgirl and Supergirl and the invisible jet and burritos!

As an unsuspecting proto-queer I loved the X-Files something fierce. I watched it loyally through nine seasons of sci-fi glory, and I’ve been branded ever since.

Lindsay Lohan didn’t show up for her Ellen appearance. To cheer you up, we bring you SEVENTEEN other lesbosexy Ellen interviews. (THIS IS EPIC)

Are there really only 2 episodes left in the series 2? But it’s just starting to get good again!