Lucy Lawless gets gay on Salem, Maggie names Liza’s vagina on Younger, The Bold and the Beautiful keeps borking up its trans storyline.

Renee Montoya and Kate Kane, Peggy Carter and Angie Martinelli, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!

One Big Happy is getting funnier and funnier, Nyssa Al Ghul is back to kicking ass on Arrow, and Sam and Laura finally go on their honeymoon on Newlyweds: The First Year.

Scream Queen, Grey’s Anatomy, Empie, Steven Universe, Carmilla, Arrow, Rosewood, Grandfathered, and so much more!

“Back at wrestling practice, Perky Emma of the Ankle Picks offers Jesus a cookie — an organic cookie with no dyes. Maybe she has lesbian moms too.”

Remember all the hope I had for Brandon? My hope is Humpty Dumpty and all the kings horses and all the kings lesbians will never put my hope for this character back together again.

“The doorbell rings and it’s Emma the Wrestler with noodle kugel! We get a little primer on how Jews respond to funerals. Hint: They bring kugel. Every time they say “kugel,” I hear “kegel” and do 15.”

Stef is watering the bushes when Lena gets home from the doctor and says, “Have fun at the gyno?” Lena says, “It’s more action than I’ve gotten from you in awhile.”

Relationships are no picnic… but wait! Maybe they are!

Sara Harvey takes Emily to get a tattoo while Spencer and Hanna go creeping in the Radley Basement of Infinite Horrors.

“Mariana sits at a table alone and takes her fancy plastic lunch container out of dumb paper bag. Why doesn’t she have a reusable lunch bag? What kind of family are these lesbians running?”

Charlie returns to Supernatural, ladies are smooching on The Lizzie Borden Chronicles, Younger is still delightful, and Bold and the Beautiful continues to mangle its trans storyline.

Jane the Virgin, Arrow, and Grey’s Anatomy close out the TV season and ready us for the return of Orange Is the New Black.

Liz Feldman is one of the funniest women in Hollywood, so I hope NBC loosens the reins and lets her get a little more real.

We’re back with our weekly column about all the queer stuff that’s happening on television that we don’t have time to recap!

Which of these shows featuring trans women are you most excited for?

Stormer and Kimber will be a couple in the new Jem and the Holograms comic book, but they were kind of already a couple in the ’80s cartoon.

Cosima scores with Canada’s favorite lesbian dating app, and Helena and Sarah break each other’s hearts.

You know her face, but you’ve got no clue what her name is — 15 of the actresses who aren’t on magazine covers but have shown up in small parts on so many queer-adjacent shows and movies lately that you’re really THIS CLOSE to looking them up on imdb.

The Black Sails finale had two queer characters winning at being pirates, The Good Wife is blowing it with Kalinda, and Tara survived another season of The Walking Dead!