Hey there, kittens with mittens! Welcome back to Boob(s On Your) Tube, your one-stop shop for all the queer lady happenings on TV. I’ve got lots of goodies for you this week, so let’s get to it.
One Big Happy
Tuesdays on NBC at 9:30 p.m.
One Big Happy made me laugh so much this week! Maybe I was more used to the aesthetic and the laugh track? That’s probably a big part of it. But also, there were some jokes that made me laugh out loud because they resonated with me as a lesbian person, and some jokes that made me laugh out loud because they were just really funny. And, best of all, the story took the focus off of Prudence and Lizzy fighting about Nick and gave them each other own stories.
Prudence encourages Lizzy to meet-up with her ex-girlfriend to give her back her stuff, but Nick thinks that is a terrible idea because Lizzy’s ex was toxic and Lizzy could never say no to her and she spent three years trying to get over her. (“Lesbians move in fast, but they break up reaaallly slow,” he explains to Pru.) Lizzy takes Pru’s advice but ends up sleeping with/falling for her awful ex all over again. But after being stood up, Lizzy’s friends and family stage an intervention. Lizzy kisses her ex on screen and Pru on screen, so that takes care of my worry that NBC was only okay with opposite sex affection on the show.
And the relationship between Nick and Lizzy was very sweet this week. I understood why they love each other so much and what they mean to each other.
I’m all in for all six ordered episodes now. (The ratings were down four-tenths of a point over the pilot, which probably has more to do with The Voice‘s ratings dropping slightly than anything else.)
The Good Wife
Sundays on CBS at 9:00 p.m.
Poor old Kalinda continues to be underused/misused in her last few episodes of The Good Wife. Her storyline doesn’t tie into anything happening in the show’s larger narrative, Lana is nowhere to be seen, and honestly, Archie Panjabi seems bored out of her mind. Remember when a woman of color became the best bisexual character on television? Sigh times infinity.
This week, Kalinda spends half her time denying that she had sex with Howard Lyman, and half her time being the deus ex machina in the Wharfmaster case. And she isn’t even really in character the whole episode. She’s flipping furious and indignant about the Howard Lyman accusations. She would have been so calculating and unshaken by that same thing even just a year ago. The real Kalinda Sharma doesn’t care what people think!
Ah, well, at least she got to kiss Gillian Anderson on The Fall.
The Walking Dead
Sundays on AMC at 9:00 p.m.
Good news, everyone! Tara has survived another season of The Walking Dead. According to my sources*, she awoke from a coma during last night’s season finale, which means even more stock photos of dogs and cats dressed as zombies** for you!
**or at least until Shutterstock figures out what a zombie is
Mondays on ABC Family at 9:00 p.m.
On the season finale of Chasing Life, Brenna could have really used a Greer to cuddle with. Sadly, her girlfriend is still off in Nantucket and she has to deal with her sister’s cancer relapse alone. On the upside, it looks like she’s going to be a bone marrow transplant match for someone else with cancer. (On the downside, it’s probably going to be a dude and she’ll fall in love with him because gosh dang John Green and the dang cancer love story syndrome he caused.) (Or was that really Nicolas Sparks? I can never really tell.) Anyway, Brenna and April celebrate her birthday early and Brenna agrees to video the world outside of the hospital so April doesn’t forget what she’s fighting for. It’s very sad. Not as sad as if Greer is gone for good, though.
Hart of Dixie
Fridays on The CW at 9:00 p.m.
Hart of Dixie aired its probable last episode ever on Friday night, and while screen time for Crickett and Jaysene was as limited as it has been all season (and the force field that keeps them from ever touching remained firmly in tact), I am happy to report that they did announce their plans to move in with each other.
I didn’t even watch Hart of Dixie until Crickett came out because I grew up in the actual heart of Dixie, and now I wish I’d spent all the hours I invested catching up on the first three seasons of this show catching up on Person of Interest. (See below!) These writers could have done so much with Crickett coming out as a lesbian in a group of tenth generation southern belles, but it only did the bare minimum. It wasn’t offensive, but it wasn’t engaging either. It was crumbs. At least Crickett didn’t die at the hands of a Baptist homophobe, I guess.
Newlyweds: The First Year
Tuesdays on Bravo at 10:00 p.m.
Sam and Laura go on a “big, gay, pink” carriage ride around Central Park on the most recent episode of their Bravo reality show. “It’s important to me to keep the romance alive in our marriage,” Laura says. “If we’re going to freeze, we’re going to do it together.” I can attest to the reality part of this episode because I walked right by them the day they were filming this carriage ride and it was cold as nards. Buuuut it’s not all ponies and hot chocolate for the lesbian newlyweds. Laura trying to get her freelance writing career going, but she’s running up too much of a tally on their shared credit cards while she’s trying to make some money, and that doesn’t make Sam very happy at all. This week, they’re finally going on a honeymoon!
On Demand on Starz Literally Always
Well, so! I was very skeptical about Black Sails because my friend who recaps it, Valerie, can handle watching any kind of blood and guts get spilled and revels in shows about stalkers (at the cost of constantly thinking she’s getting murdered, but that is what floats her beautiful boat). But I am very glad I decided to get caught up on it because it’s like Mad Men of the sea, really. You think it’s a period piece where the men are in charge, but it is the ladies who triumph in the end.
In this week’s season finale, Max — who was a pretty disenfranchised prostitute when this whole thing kicked off — rustles up enough money to make an offer to buy the pub Eleanor used to run. (Her former lover is still in chains and might get hanged next season for piracy, but I don’t know yet.) Also, Max’s other former lady lover, Anne Bonney, returns to Nassau with her partner, Jack, and y’all, they’ve got about one hundred bazillion gadrillion gold coins with them, which they’ll be splitting with their business partner, Max. It’s a really happy ending to what can be a really brutal man’s world kind-of-a-show, and that two of the three happy-havers are queer women? What a wonderful world!
Person of Interest
Tuesdays on CBS at 10:00 p.m.
Like I said above, I haven’t had time to get caught up on Person of Interest yet, and I actually stopped my marathon once I thought that Shaw got killed, but last week in the comments, you guys told me that Root and Shaw’s kiss wasn’t the end of them, that Sarah Shahi just had to leave the show to go have a baby, and she’s coming back and Root is going to find her! I am trying to get caught up on that, so I can start freaking out in real-time with you.
Bold and the Beautiful
Weekdays on CBS
Last week, Bold and the Beautiful told us that Maya Avant is a trans woman, which is a huge deal. A huge, huge, huge, huge deal. We need trans women of color — especially black trans women — on our TVs in a major way. And having a black trans character on daytime TV is so revolutionary that it made me drop the water bottle I was holding when I read the announcement. I haven’t watched B&B since Crystal Chappell and Joanna Johnson were playing a lesbian couple on the show, but I got caught up as much as I could this weekend, and I’m sorry to say this story with Maya is really problematic.
Here’s the deal: Maya Avant is a model and actress who is in a serious relationship with bazillionaire Rick Forrester. Last week, Maya’s sister, Nicole, came to town and Maya was not happy to see her. Nicole wondered why Maya left home and never reached out to her, wondered why their parents never mentioned Maya, and finally (after monologuing for five minutes), Nicole says she knows Maya’s secret: that she was assigned male at birth. And that her parents disowned her when she came out as transgender. Unfortunately, the show goes for sopay reveal in the grossest possible way, with Nicole saying, “You’re not my sister, Maya. You’re not Maya at all. You’re Myron. You’re my brother.”
Purposeful misgendering, using Maya’s dead name: That’s bad enough, but then the story goes all in on our cultural fetishization of trans bodies, and now the storyline has progressed to Nicole blackmailing Maya. Nicole wants a job as a model, or else she’s going to out Maya to Rick.
I just really hate what’s happening so far, and I’m scared for how this is going to shake down in the coming months. I grew up on Days of Our Lives. I understand soapy tropes. But sometimes you’ve got to value doing right over being melodramatic. Mays is the only regular trans character on TV, and that’s wonderful, but only if the show is going to learn how to talk about trans people with respect.
You can watch two clips of Maya’s interactions with her sister here and here.
More, More, More
+ Banana (and it’s co-series’ Cucumber and Tofu) are on my list of things to track down and watch. We don’t get them here in the States.
+ Thanks to Meghan for the tip that Saving Hope is adding a lesbian character. I’ll find out more about that this week.
+ And thanks to Stefanie for letting me know that this week’s Bones featured a dead, psychic lesbian (and some of her alive former partners). You can watch that full episode here.
+ You’re getting your Pretty Little Liars finale recap tomorrow!
Team TV Coverage You May Have Missed
+ Grey’s Anatomy Episode 1117 Recap: They Always Come in Threes, Don’t They?
Derek comes back and is worse than a leech trapped in your face.
+ 15 Of Those Actresses Who Were In That Show
You know her face, but you’ve got no clue what her name is — 15 of the actresses who aren’t on magazine covers but have shown up in small parts on so many queer-adjacent shows and movies lately that you’re really THIS CLOSE to looking them up on imdb.
+ Fan Fiction Friday: 8 Carmilla Stories To Warm Your Misanthropic Heart
And a profile with series creator Ellen Simpson, who writes all kinds of fan fiction too!
+ The Fosters Episodes 220-221 Recaps: Dystopian Robot Apocalypse
Jude and Connor come out, and Monty finally stops keeping her lips to herself.
+ Glee Episodes 612-613 Recaps: Last Stop On The Midnight Train
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and now it’s over.
+ 18 Questions We Have About the X-Files Reboot
Oh god, is anyone on this show a medical doctor? ANYONE
+ 50 People Who Are Definitely A on Pretty Little Liars
The PLL thinks it knows who A is, but it’s wrong.
That’s all I’ve got for you! What have you got for me? Teach me something good!
When somebody mentioned Maya on B&B my first tought was “blackmail” and I’m not happy to see that soap operas are still quite predictable.
A little question, Heather, did you finish watching The 100? Because, although I finished watching all the season, I’m still processing Blood Must Have Blood, Part One. And the discussion on this episode was pretty poor.
By the way, last week’s episode of The Returned gave you a little more background on Julie & Nikki’s relationship.
i wish “Mad Men of the sea” was like, a musical production.
I am very encouraged to hear that One Big Happy is getting better!
Is someone who has watched Les Revenants watching The Returned? Good/bad/worth watching? I really really loved the original one, but I don’t want to spend time on this if it is too similar (or simply bad).. Also, if this is the case, I don’t understand the need of an american version? Why you guys always do that? TELL ME. USE SUBTITLES OR MAKE YOUR OWN SHOW.
Ok, sorry. Had to say it.
And Heather, if you decide to watch Cucumber and Banana, do it in this order. It’s better :)
So far its exactly the same but less good. They said things would change later in the season though so maybe?
It’s almost a shot for shot remake, it made me feel like I was in an alternate dimension where they were simply saying the subtitles out loud…but the twins are older pre crash and thus post. Has to be said I gave up after Ep 1 but it wasn’t a strong start.
I’m conflicted. I don’t have any interest in watching Person of Interest, but apparently there’s Sarah Shahi being in lesbians with AMY ACKER?!
Those are my exact feelings.
I started catching up on POI a couple of days ago (at ep 2×16, due to friends’ recommendation) and Sarah Shahi plays a very,very kickass undercover operative,leather jacket and guns and martial arts and all, hunting down Amy Acker’s character, who is a bit unhinged.
Both are upgraded to main characters by season 3!
The show revolves around two guys, which I must admit I shipped by the second episode I saw.
The quirkiness reminds me a bit of Warehouse 13, while the show doesn’t have its eye for detail or warmth.
I do like that a lot of the characters aren’t stick thin or super pretty and young. Big plus in my book.
It took me a season to get into it but then I was totally engaged. Shaw and Root are awesome.
I kinda feel it’s my civic duty to watch One Big Happy again.
Well I did and I liked it. Second episode was 250% better than the pilot
Banana, Cucumber and Tofu are On Demand on Channel 4, but I had to circumnavigate (fancy word, let’s call what it is: cheat) that rule about “content not available in your country” to watch the episodes (thank you all-mighty VPN).
Maybe this rule does not apply for the US.
I can’t comment on how to watch episodes of banana & cucumber (I live in the UK so got them on my tellybox). But if you are going to watch them, then make sure you watch them in the correct order as people/plots from cucumber continue in banana etc. So make sure you watch them cucumber, banana, cucumber, banana etc etc.
As for Tofu that was a web-based documentary series so don’t think it matters if you miss them. I didn’t watch any and don’t feel like I missed out.
At least Crickett didn’t die at the hands of a Baptist homophobe, I guess. #TVgoals
I am absolutely not shocked at all that the B&B story is turning out to be awful. When I first heard about it I was offended and I am not even trans. I don’t trust any soap to tell such a story(well maybe Days) but especially not one that’s run by The Bells. I am willing to bet my first born that they did no research at all before they cooked up this storyline.
I’m so happy that Tara is alive!!!! I hope next season we get a lot more of her!
Heather… I need the PLL recap – my life is incomplete without it!! How much longer? :(
Also need the PLL recap. Am I missing it somewhere??
Will be so interested to hear what you make of Cucumber / Banana!
PLL isn’t over for the season until Heather posts her recap. On the one hand, waiting is difficult. On the other hand, the season goes on.