Hey there, kittens with mittens! Welcome back to Boob(s On Your) Tube, your one-stop shop for all the queer lady happenings on TV. I’ve got lots of goodies for you this week, so let’s get to it.
One Big Happy
Tuesdays on NBC at 9:30 p.m.
One Big Happy made me laugh so much this week! Maybe I was more used to the aesthetic and the laugh track? That’s probably a big part of it. But also, there were some jokes that made me laugh out loud because they resonated with me as a lesbian person, and some jokes that made me laugh out loud because they were just really funny. And, best of all, the story took the focus off of Prudence and Lizzy fighting about Nick and gave them each other own stories.
Prudence encourages Lizzy to meet-up with her ex-girlfriend to give her back her stuff, but Nick thinks that is a terrible idea because Lizzy’s ex was toxic and Lizzy could never say no to her and she spent three years trying to get over her. (“Lesbians move in fast, but they break up reaaallly slow,” he explains to Pru.) Lizzy takes Pru’s advice but ends up sleeping with/falling for her awful ex all over again. But after being stood up, Lizzy’s friends and family stage an intervention. Lizzy kisses her ex on screen and Pru on screen, so that takes care of my worry that NBC was only okay with opposite sex affection on the show.
And the relationship between Nick and Lizzy was very sweet this week. I understood why they love each other so much and what they mean to each other.
I’m all in for all six ordered episodes now. (The ratings were down four-tenths of a point over the pilot, which probably has more to do with The Voice‘s ratings dropping slightly than anything else.)
The Good Wife
Sundays on CBS at 9:00 p.m.
Poor old Kalinda continues to be underused/misused in her last few episodes of The Good Wife. Her storyline doesn’t tie into anything happening in the show’s larger narrative, Lana is nowhere to be seen, and honestly, Archie Panjabi seems bored out of her mind. Remember when a woman of color became the best bisexual character on television? Sigh times infinity.
This week, Kalinda spends half her time denying that she had sex with Howard Lyman, and half her time being the deus ex machina in the Wharfmaster case. And she isn’t even really in character the whole episode. She’s flipping furious and indignant about the Howard Lyman accusations. She would have been so calculating and unshaken by that same thing even just a year ago. The real Kalinda Sharma doesn’t care what people think!
Ah, well, at least she got to kiss Gillian Anderson on The Fall.
The Walking Dead
Sundays on AMC at 9:00 p.m.
Good news, everyone! Tara has survived another season of The Walking Dead. According to my sources*, she awoke from a coma during last night’s season finale, which means even more stock photos of dogs and cats dressed as zombies** for you!
**or at least until Shutterstock figures out what a zombie is
Mondays on ABC Family at 9:00 p.m.
On the season finale of Chasing Life, Brenna could have really used a Greer to cuddle with. Sadly, her girlfriend is still off in Nantucket and she has to deal with her sister’s cancer relapse alone. On the upside, it looks like she’s going to be a bone marrow transplant match for someone else with cancer. (On the downside, it’s probably going to be a dude and she’ll fall in love with him because gosh dang John Green and the dang cancer love story syndrome he caused.) (Or was that really Nicolas Sparks? I can never really tell.) Anyway, Brenna and April celebrate her birthday early and Brenna agrees to video the world outside of the hospital so April doesn’t forget what she’s fighting for. It’s very sad. Not as sad as if Greer is gone for good, though.
Hart of Dixie
Fridays on The CW at 9:00 p.m.
Hart of Dixie aired its probable last episode ever on Friday night, and while screen time for Crickett and Jaysene was as limited as it has been all season (and the force field that keeps them from ever touching remained firmly in tact), I am happy to report that they did announce their plans to move in with each other.
I didn’t even watch Hart of Dixie until Crickett came out because I grew up in the actual heart of Dixie, and now I wish I’d spent all the hours I invested catching up on the first three seasons of this show catching up on Person of Interest. (See below!) These writers could have done so much with Crickett coming out as a lesbian in a group of tenth generation southern belles, but it only did the bare minimum. It wasn’t offensive, but it wasn’t engaging either. It was crumbs. At least Crickett didn’t die at the hands of a Baptist homophobe, I guess.
Newlyweds: The First Year
Tuesdays on Bravo at 10:00 p.m.
Sam and Laura go on a “big, gay, pink” carriage ride around Central Park on the most recent episode of their Bravo reality show. “It’s important to me to keep the romance alive in our marriage,” Laura says. “If we’re going to freeze, we’re going to do it together.” I can attest to the reality part of this episode because I walked right by them the day they were filming this carriage ride and it was cold as nards. Buuuut it’s not all ponies and hot chocolate for the lesbian newlyweds. Laura trying to get her freelance writing career going, but she’s running up too much of a tally on their shared credit cards while she’s trying to make some money, and that doesn’t make Sam very happy at all. This week, they’re finally going on a honeymoon!
On Demand on Starz Literally Always
Well, so! I was very skeptical about Black Sails because my friend who recaps it, Valerie, can handle watching any kind of blood and guts get spilled and revels in shows about stalkers (at the cost of constantly thinking she’s getting murdered, but that is what floats her beautiful boat). But I am very glad I decided to get caught up on it because it’s like Mad Men of the sea, really. You think it’s a period piece where the men are in charge, but it is the ladies who triumph in the end.
In this week’s season finale, Max — who was a pretty disenfranchised prostitute when this whole thing kicked off — rustles up enough money to make an offer to buy the pub Eleanor used to run. (Her former lover is still in chains and might get hanged next season for piracy, but I don’t know yet.) Also, Max’s other former lady lover, Anne Bonney, returns to Nassau with her partner, Jack, and y’all, they’ve got about one hundred bazillion gadrillion gold coins with them, which they’ll be splitting with their business partner, Max. It’s a really happy ending to what can be a really brutal man’s world kind-of-a-show, and that two of the three happy-havers are queer women? What a wonderful world!
Person of Interest
Tuesdays on CBS at 10:00 p.m.
Like I said above, I haven’t had time to get caught up on Person of Interest yet, and I actually stopped my marathon once I thought that Shaw got killed, but last week in the comments, you guys told me that Root and Shaw’s kiss wasn’t the end of them, that Sarah Shahi just had to leave the show to go have a baby, and she’s coming back and Root is going to find her! I am trying to get caught up on that, so I can start freaking out in real-time with you.
Bold and the Beautiful
Weekdays on CBS
Last week, Bold and the Beautiful told us that Maya Avant is a trans woman, which is a huge deal. A huge, huge, huge, huge deal. We need trans women of color — especially black trans women — on our TVs in a major way. And having a black trans character on daytime TV is so revolutionary that it made me drop the water bottle I was holding when I read the announcement. I haven’t watched B&B since Crystal Chappell and Joanna Johnson were playing a lesbian couple on the show, but I got caught up as much as I could this weekend, and I’m sorry to say this story with Maya is really problematic.
Here’s the deal: Maya Avant is a model and actress who is in a serious relationship with bazillionaire Rick Forrester. Last week, Maya’s sister, Nicole, came to town and Maya was not happy to see her. Nicole wondered why Maya left home and never reached out to her, wondered why their parents never mentioned Maya, and finally (after monologuing for five minutes), Nicole says she knows Maya’s secret: that she was assigned male at birth. And that her parents disowned her when she came out as transgender. Unfortunately, the show goes for sopay reveal in the grossest possible way, with Nicole saying, “You’re not my sister, Maya. You’re not Maya at all. You’re Myron. You’re my brother.”
Purposeful misgendering, using Maya’s dead name: That’s bad enough, but then the story goes all in on our cultural fetishization of trans bodies, and now the storyline has progressed to Nicole blackmailing Maya. Nicole wants a job as a model, or else she’s going to out Maya to Rick.
I just really hate what’s happening so far, and I’m scared for how this is going to shake down in the coming months. I grew up on Days of Our Lives. I understand soapy tropes. But sometimes you’ve got to value doing right over being melodramatic. Mays is the only regular trans character on TV, and that’s wonderful, but only if the show is going to learn how to talk about trans people with respect.
More, More, More
+ Banana (and it’s co-series’ Cucumber and Tofu) are on my list of things to track down and watch. We don’t get them here in the States.
+ Thanks to Meghan for the tip that Saving Hope is adding a lesbian character. I’ll find out more about that this week.
+ And thanks to Stefanie for letting me know that this week’s Bones featured a dead, psychic lesbian (and some of her alive former partners). You can watch that full episode here.
+ You’re getting your Pretty Little Liars finale recap tomorrow!
Team TV Coverage You May Have Missed
+ Grey’s Anatomy Episode 1117 Recap: They Always Come in Threes, Don’t They?
Derek comes back and is worse than a leech trapped in your face.
+ 15 Of Those Actresses Who Were In That Show
You know her face, but you’ve got no clue what her name is — 15 of the actresses who aren’t on magazine covers but have shown up in small parts on so many queer-adjacent shows and movies lately that you’re really THIS CLOSE to looking them up on imdb.
+ Fan Fiction Friday: 8 Carmilla Stories To Warm Your Misanthropic Heart
And a profile with series creator Ellen Simpson, who writes all kinds of fan fiction too!
+ The Fosters Episodes 220-221 Recaps: Dystopian Robot Apocalypse
Jude and Connor come out, and Monty finally stops keeping her lips to herself.
+ Glee Episodes 612-613 Recaps: Last Stop On The Midnight Train
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and now it’s over.
+ 18 Questions We Have About the X-Files Reboot
Oh god, is anyone on this show a medical doctor? ANYONE
+ 50 People Who Are Definitely A on Pretty Little Liars
The PLL thinks it knows who A is, but it’s wrong.
That’s all I’ve got for you! What have you got for me? Teach me something good!