Digression 1: Yes. Already. It is 11 p.m. and I am just starting to write this recap because I was at my kid’s junior high play. My poor example teaches valuable lessons: 1.) Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be recappers 2.) Blame all your problems on Moliére and 3.) A good liberal arts education will allow you to make reference to Waylon, Willie and Moliére in one fell swoop.
Let’s get to it! The episode opens with Brandon packing a bag and looking pouty as is his lot these days. He kindly picks up his iPhone to show us that he kept texting Callie after receiving a text that said, “STOP TEXTING ME!” because Brandon is a rebel. A rebel with a restraining order.
Downstairs, in the great lesbian kitchen, Jesus complains about his breakfast and wants egg whites only. Marianna will eat his standard scrambled eggs provided they are cage-free. Stef and Lena complain how hard it is to have only one car.
Digression 2: At one point in our lives, my son went to school in south Minneapolis. My partner worked in St. Paul. My daughter went to daycare near downtown Minneapolis and I worked in downtown Minneapolis. We had only one car and every day was a crazy mix of cars and buses and you know what else, Stef and Lena? We did it all in the snow.
When they are done whining about the car, they tell Jude they want to proceed with the adoption. He asks about Callie and Stef asks if he wants to be adopted without her.
Next we see Daphne in checking out her new apartment with Rita and Callie. Why is Callie there when she lost her privileges and has proven herself to be completely dismissive of the rules at Girls United? That is a good question that won’t be answered!
At Anchor Beach School for Chatty Wrestlers, Jesus is about to eat lunch when Perky Emma joins him. He is wearing a scuba suit under his clothes or something and Emma asks why and he tells her that he’s trying to drop a weight class. He is surprised Emma is talking to him after his mom’s embarrassing verbal smackdown of the coach but Emma says, “I’m not into icing people out. That’s why I don’t hang out with girls.” Oh, Emma, I wish we could all get along like we did in middle school. Emma then eats Jesus’ food.
Lena goes to the gynecologist which sounds like a terrible sequel to Curious George Goes to the Doctor. Thankfully, the gyno isn’t the Man with the Yellow Hat because his attention to detail was always worrisome. There is some chit chat about the kids and then Lena asks if she’s too old to get pregnant. It really does seem like the perfect time for a baby because babies go well with restraining orders, allegations of drug use and theft, runaways and a budding eating disorder!
Digression 3: I watch this online at the ABCFamily site and the most often repeated commercial is for the “stand and stuff flour tortilla.” It’s a bowl. Made out of tortillas. It offends my delicate sensibilities.
Jesus gets a text from Emma about his diet and a picture of her eating a sandwich. Then, he gets a text from Lexi with a picture of her in just a bra. She asks what he’s wearing and he takes off his shirt and unbuttons his pants and takes a selfie. Oh my goodness! Whatever will happen next? Jude walks in on him and Jesus freaks out and tells him to get out because he needs “Jesus time.” Jude takes his leave and Jesus accidentally texts the picture to Emma.
Stef is watering the bushes when Lena gets home from the doctor and says, “Have fun at the gyno?” Lena says, “It’s more action than I’ve gotten from you in awhile.” This is what has been missing! Remember when they used to tease each other and say funny things? Before Stef can water Lena’s bush, Stef’s dad drives up in a new Prius and tells Stef it’s for them. Stef won’t accept it because he didn’t come to the wedding and he says he didn’t come to the wedding because she asked him not to and I say, “Can I have the Prius since Stef doesn’t want it?” Frank leaves and Lena looks longingly after the Prius.
Later that night, Stef and Lena are in their craftmatic beds — upright, to facilitate reading. We need to start a petition to bring back their old bed. It’s like the 1950’s in their room. Lena tells Stef the gyno says, “Hello.”
Digression 4: That seems weird but it actually happens. Luisa and I have the same doctor and, when I last saw her, she was all, “Tell Luisa to come see me. Unless she’s seeing someone else. Tell her it’s okay if she’s seeing other people.” She is quirky and I like that about her.
Lena is about to bring up the baby thing but the biggest baby of all, Brandon, comes in and asks if he can go to Family Day at Girls United. He says it was wrong for them to kiss and blah blah blah. Stef tells him they’ll think about it and right after he leaves, she asks Lena, “You buying it?” and Lena says, “I have no idea.” Trust your gut! Then, Stef puts down her bed and turns off the light and there is no baby talk.
At Family Day, the Fosters arrive en masse and Kiara says, “Damn Callie! You roll deep.” Have I mentioned my unconditional love for Kiara? I have unconditional love for Kiara. Callie hugs everyone but Brandon and Brandon sucks the life out of the entire room/house/show with his sullen mug. Lunch is served and Jesus skips it because he wants everyone playing at home to be able to mark “eating disorder” on their Social Issue Bingo cards. Callie and Jude eat alone on the porch and Jude tells her she pushes people away and ignores me when I point out that he kinda drove her away. He tells her the Fosters are adopting him anyway and she’s happy for him but also a little broken by it.
At one point, Rita mentions to Stef that it’s interesting that she got a restraining order against her son and then brought him to visit. Thank you for bringing this up, Rita. That could never happen! A mom doesn’t get to choose when a restraining order is enforced. Rita also tells Stef that Callie applied to be in the independent living program. Callie goes into the kitchen and Brandon follows her like the creeper he is and says, “Why are you breaking up with me?” and she says, “I’m not.” Just then, the kitchen is engulfed in flames and neither Brandon nor Callie survive. They were sad at the loss of their friends but they had to get the women back to camp. Line from a cartoon — name it!
I lied about the fire. Sorry. Stef and Lena walk into the kitchen and ask about the independent living thing and Callie confirms it.
Back at the Charming Craftsman, Jude heads to his room and knocks but Jesus is having “Jesus Time” again. So, Jude sits outside the door and unfurls a flag-sized pack of string cheese. I guess he’s having cheese time.
At the group home, Callie takes out the trash and catches Cole sneaking in the back with a bag full of drugs. Callie confronts him about the phone and tells him she won’t tell Rita about the drugs if he gives it back which he does.
Meanwhile, Jude has eaten all the cheese and knocks on the door again and Jesus says that he’s not done and Jude walks in anyway. He sees Jesus talking to Emma. Jesus gets mad and yells at him and Jude throws a book at him. Not the book, just a book. Stef and Lena walk in and take the matter under advisement. They talk to Jude in the kitchen and tell him that he can’t throw books and Jesus will get a talking to as well. Jude uses “my room” in the conversation and when he goes back upstairs, Stef and Lena squeal like school girls about that and the fact that he threw a book at Jesus which is something a “real” brother would do.
Digression 5: This scene has played out at my house many times. Lena tells Jesus to “be the big brother” and I have said that at least 167 times to my son. My daughter doesn’t throw books, though. She throws punches.
Back at the group home, Callie is doing laundry in the dark. At least that’s what it looked like to me. Cole comes in and tells Callie that he’s not a drug addict and the drugs are hormones. He also tells her that his parents kicked him out because he wouldn’t “act like a girl” and he did what he had to do to survive. He asks to use Callie’s phone when he needs to get his hormones and she says he can. This was a great scene. The actor who plays Cole was spot on and we got a little more backstory that deepened the character.
The next day, Daphne, Kiara and Callie are at Daphne’s new apartment cleaning when there is a knock on the door. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brandon. Brandon who? Brandon. That’s the joke and it’s a bad one. Kiara agrees because she says, “Oh hell no!” Daphne tells them they have 15 minutes. She and Kiara will go to 7-11 for more cleaning supplies. I shout, “Bring me an ICEE!” but I don’t think they heard me. Brandon brings Callie her guitar and she starts fantasizing about what it will be like to have her own apartment and where she’ll put his keyboard and he starts fantasizing about what kind of TV they’ll get and then I start fantasizing that someday this storyline will end. He takes her guitar and serenades her.
Digression 6: Callie has the same exact capo my daughter got for Christmas but now it’s my capo because her little hands couldn’t exert enough pressure to use it. Now you know our capo secrets.
When Daphne and the gang arrive back at Girls United, Cole is being taken out of the house on a stretcher. He was found unconscious in the bathroom with needles and the hormones. Later that afternoon, Rita and the girls are processing what happened to Cole and they all gang up on Callie because she knew he was taking the hormones and that they weren’t as safe as what he would have gotten from a doctor. So, he had a seizure and hit his head. Callie says that none of them want to be there and one of the girls says, “You have a family that wants you.”
Stef and Lena are looking through ads for used cars and Lena mentions one with anchor points for a baby seat and Stef says, “Thank god those days are behind us.” I love Stef but she does have a way of always saying the wrong thing. Of course, few are privy to the Secret Life of Lena so I can’t really blame her. Lena suggests a minivan and Stef says, “It violates our sacred oath to never drive a minivan.”
Digression 7: Deborah drives a minivan and was offended by this statement. I have never driven a minivan so I found it hilarious. To minivan or not to minivan, that is the question.
Lena then suggests they accept Frank’s gift and tells Stef that intolerance goes both ways and Stef is hoppin’ mad! She says, “Wow. You must really want that car.” Personal foul. Unnecessary roughness. Stef storms out and the gyno calls to say she’s gotta ticket to ride the baby train.
At Girls United, Callie sits on the couch doing homework and Rita joins her for a heart to heart. Well, really, it’s just one heart because Callie pushes everyone away. Rita knows how that is because she had a great husband and she cheated on him because she didn’t think she deserved him and Callie does that too but not with husbands but with everybody. Callie is all GRRRRR and goes upstairs.
Later, Cole comes home and Rosie helps him into bed and gets teary and tells him she was really scared. After Rita leaves, Cole tells Callie he really thought his parents would come see him at the hospital but they didn’t. Callie goes downstairs and turns her phone into Rita and says, “I know where I need to be now. I need to be here.”
Stef goes to Frank’s house and enters through the sliding glass doors as usual. She calls out for him but he doesn’t answer. That sinking feeling? That’s what a plot point feels like. She finds him in the living room with the TV on. She turns off the TV but can’t wake him and that’s how it ends.
Overall Impression: They are still trying to pack too many issues into this show but this episode had a few bright spots and seemed like Emmy material compared to last week’s.
Best Line: Stef: “Have fun at the gyno?” Lena: “It’s more action than I’ve gotten from you in awhile.”
Really?: Brandon and Callie. Still. In the words of the great philosopher, Kiara, “Oh HELL no!”
on tumblr, if you look under the foster tags its literally all about girls squealing that they wished a boy would serenade them. it seems this relationship is the great divide between the gays and heteros. (of course we are right and they are wrong.) i tried to figure out why i kept rewatching stef and lena argue over stef’s dad and i realized that it had nothing to do with kids. they talk about the kids more than anything else, which is as it should be. i think I’m desperate for a lesbian couple that i resonate with, and if i feel so strongly i can only imagine what other even less represented minorities must feel. great recap vikki, if i remember correctly you’re a bigger stef fan so this is me getting all leechery for you…. “Stef is watering the bushes”
Ugh. silly heteros.
I know. I was looking at Pinterest and there are all these OMG BRANDON CALLIE SMOOCH SMOOCH TRU LUV! Pics all over the place. They are ruining it for the rest of us!
Thanks for a great summary. I’ve started my own personal advocacy case against the bed — feel free to spread far and wide!
I’ve heard some people suggest that it may be a deliberate attempt to censor them, but I just can’t imagine why after the fact versus before.
Someone related to the show tweeted that it’s going to have a meaning soon. I think it’s a metaphor for the emotional distance they’ve been going through lately.
I hope so. They’ve made such a big deal out of it.
Ha! I love it! I was fine with Lucy and Ricky in separate beds but I like my lesbians in the same bed. That sounds wrong but also a little bit right.
Rudolph? That line was always ridiculous. These recaps are the best though!
Also: I totally respect Jude just working on his night cheese.
cheese time is the best time :)
Yes! Rudolph – you win!
This Brandon and Callie thing nerds to stop. Is it me, or is Brandon (or maybe the actor that plays him) looking scruffier by the episode?
If anything, Cole and Callie would be a better thing. (Ooooor, we could let Callie be single!)
I really like Cole. He can be a bit of an ass, but they’ve given him good development and my heart broke for him this episode. I don’t know how Callie went the whole episode without hugging him. I feel like they could be good allies, even friends.
Re: Jesus and the eating disorder – although the show ~does want to tackle too many issues at once, and this version of an eating disorder is simplistic at best … I feel like if it’s done correctly (and not forgotten by the next episode!), it could be good. A guy with an ED is not something you see on TV very often!
Stef’s dad not waking up was unnecessary.
(Also. I love your recaps and please never stop digressing.)
Yes, Brandon is aging in dog years.
This was a great episode for Cole.
My issue with the eating disorder is that it’s just too much. ADHD would be enough. Jesus was on stimulants which suppress the appetite and that can be a real issue. They could have done a little education about that aspect but going down the eating disorder path is more than this show can handle right now.
Way too many isues at the same time, the powers that be should save something for next season.
I agree. Maybe they don’t think they’ll get another so they want to cram a lifetime’s worth of problems into a season.
Vickie, do you think you’ll re-cap the online mini-series about Girls United? I’d love to hear what you think about those!
More recapping?! Hmmm…I don’t know. Do you know how long the episodes will be? I haven’t looked.
There’s 5 of them I think, and they’re only like 4 or 5 minutes a piece!
Great idea! Yes, please
What’s awesome is that the guy who plays Cole is trans in real life!!! And he talks about it and other awesome intersectional issues on his tumblr!!!: http://tomphelan9.tumblr.com/
I knew that he was trans but didn’t know he had a tumblr. I took a peek and he looks very non-angry and goofy and I love it!
I didn’t know this! And he’s still in high school too. His tumblr is great, all the frustrated faces over homework.
fyi tom uses they/them pronouns
Social issue bingo cards!! You are hilarious.
1. Jesus’ “risque” selfie will somehow end up resulting in cyberbullying social issue bingo card check-off
2. Sandwich girl will pick up on Jesus’ eating issues and they will bond.
3. Lena and Steph headed for major grumps re. Bed
4. Steph finally forgives father as part of her grief blah blah blah
5. Callie has turnaround at Girls United, allies with Cole around pronouns etc so we can all check off our bingo cards.
6. Something bad happens to Lexi.
Lena’s pregnancy could be added to the list…
Minivans. No, they’re not sexy but they are super practical for schlepping kids and all things associated with kids. I’m tired of haters knocking my ride.
Also, “…before Stef can water Lena’s bush.” I’m proud of you.
15 year old me would’ve given anything to connect with JLo as a majorly committed fan.
25 year old me just wants to call her up and tell her to drop the Brandon/Callie shit.
I love how Emma is just not into icing people out — well, except for an entire gender of humans she’s pre-judged. Oh, “cool girls.”
They really are showing no signs of slowing down this Brandon/Callie travesty.
LOVE these recaps. The digressions are simply the best. I agree that the Callie/Brandon thing needs to stop (I find their relationship just beyond weird), and I also agree that they should do a Callie/Cole story line. If this show is as “progressive” as they claim to be, then it would be really interesting to see them bring in Cole as a major player and have Callie look passed the fact that he is a trans male, and just like him for him.
A. I ship Cole and Callie so hard. Can we do this instead of Callie and Brandon?? Please?
B. Is it me or is Callie really annoying and doing a lot of really bad acting this season? I just need her to do better all around. The ending was a sign of things going in the right direction…