Honoring Gillian Anderson’s Newly Revealed Lady-Dating Past: Top 5 X-Files Episodes That Made Me Gay

This week, love-of-our-collective-geeky-lives Gillian Anderson opened up about her past relationships with women. In honor of this fact, we are bringing sexy back with these pivotal gayifying Scully moments. Because I guess our love wasn’t one-sided after all…

From the interview with Out:

“I was in a relationship with a girl for a long time when I was in high school, and then I was in a relationship with a punk rock drug addict who…”

Wait, a lesbian relationship? “Yeah, yeah, well it’s… You know, I’m old enough that I can talk about that,” she says, before resuming her list: “And then I was in a relationship with somebody who was way, way older than me. Everything that that kind of anarchistic attitude brings—the inappropriate behavior it leads to—was how I chose to be in the world at that time, which was, you know, not what people did.”

Much of this has been written before — how she dyed her hair purple, how she glued the school gates shut on graduation night, the drugs and alcohol — but her lesbian romance is something new. Understandably, she is wary of making a big deal of it, precisely because it is a big deal for so many people. “If I had thought I was 100% gay, would it have been a different experience for me?” she wonders. “Would it have been a bigger deal if shame had been attached to it and all those things that become huge life-altering issues for youngsters in that situation? It’s possible that my attitude around it came, on some level, from knowing that I still liked boys.”

Anderson says she has had relationships with other women, but they have been the exception, not the rule.

Back in 1994, I was but a tiny proto-geek minding my own business when the X-Files flickered onto my radar. There I was, swimming in my oversized tie-dyed T-shirt with my awkward too short bangs when my first episode  (“Darkness Falls,” I remember it well) swept me up in its weird embrace. This is how that single chunk of not-at-all explicitly queer TV set me on a course for gayhood that no amount of subsequent un-homo conditioning could possibly reverse.

It makes sense: the series followed the scifisexy adventures of Agent Scully, a certain smokin’ hot redhead with a badge. And as a young, impressionable girl, your first fine lookin’ gun-toting woman can change you in ways irrevocable. I’d suspect Scully (or perhaps actress Gillian Anderson?) captured the hearts of blossoming gay ladies the world over.

Oh yeah, and her sidekick’s cool, too. What’s his name again?

So, if the X-Files did in fact make me gay (it did), I chalk it all up to Agent Scully, the no-nonsense FBI sexbomb who I followed like a puppy through nine sometimes brilliant, occasionally faltering, but always, always homosexy seasons. (We’ll just have to forgive her for the early ’90s hair, for it knew not what it did.) As Scully doggedly searched for the truth at Mulder’s side, I unknowingly sought my own truth. And that truth was that I wanted to get in her pants.

1. “Beyond the Sea”

I’m a sucker for a sad girl. And what’s sadder than grief? Not a whole lot. In this ep, Scully mourns her father, and she just looks so goddamn sad, I want to big spoon her into oblivion. Sans pants. Also sans awk ’90s high-waisted underwear that she’s probably sporting under those FBI digs.

2. “Memento Mori”

Surprise, sad again! This time Scully is understandably tortured because she just got diagnosed with cancer. Say it ain’t so! There are a fair amount of overwrought Scully monologues to sink your teeth into in this episode, some of which are delivered whilst she’s wearing a backless gown. Oh, if only it were frontless!

3. “Squeeze”

This is a classic. And by that I mean classic gayifying X-Files moment. This ep follows up on a Season One creeper, Tooms, who can stretch himself into small spaces and some shit. Naturally this is the PERFECT skill for watching women disrobe as they prepare to bathe. We see Scully enter the bathroom, turn on the water to run herself a bath, ready to proverbially let her hair down and wash off the day…and then goddamn Tooms ruins it for everyone. Someone get that guy out of the ventilation ducts and ship him off to Area 51. Creepy sonofabitch.

4. Fight the Future

The first X-Files feature length film may not be an episode in the strictest sense, but it sure had a hand in making me the queer I am today. Fight the Future hit theaters in 1998, just in time for Scully’s hair to evolve from a frumpy mid-90s flipped-under-like-whoa bob to something more befitting of her sexbomb status. And her high-waisted pants had long since hit the highway. And uh, yeah…I really liked the movie too. No really — it was kind of awesome…weird alien cocoons look so much cooler with a film’s production budget. Also, anything set in Antarctica naturally scares the shit out of me. I blame H.P. Lovecraft, but doesn’t everyone?

5. “Never Again”

This is a bizarre episode, but it showcases a vast number of Gillian Anderson’s potential O-Faces. She meets a dude at a bar (!), gets a tattoo (!!), and later, naturally, finds herself in a Dangerous Situation. We rarely see Scully in social situations (with booze!), and rarer still is the opportunity to see her defy her role as the straight-laced foil to Mulder’s obsessive tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist. Bonus: Scully’s one-night stand (!!!) in this episode sports a tattoo of a pin-up girl that starts talking to him and urging him to kill. Which is profoundly dumb, but the sassy tat is voiced by JODIE FOSTER, premiere real life gay lady. Not only that, but since Scully sleeps with the dude with the tattoo hallucinations, in accordance with the law of transitive relations, I’m pretty sure that means that Gillian Anderson also sexed Jodie Foster, as this formula clearly illustrates:

If Tattoo Dude’s Consciousness (TD) = Voice of Insane Jodie Foster (JF) and Hot Scully (HS) sleeps with TD, then HS at the very least also mindfucked JF. And since Gillian Anderson = Hot Scully, I guess someone should tell Us Weekly that she’s gay now, huh?

And if you didn’t believe me about the O-Faces? See Exhibit A through O. You should really have believed me.

Wait for it…

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Taylor has written 136 articles for us.


  1. I thought I was special, but as a kid, The X-Files was my favorite show, and it still *is* one of my favorites. I’m a nerd/geek/dork/etc., what have you anyway, but it was my first. AND I would like to say that I know for a fact, Gillian Anderson in The X-Files is one of the main reasons I realized I was into ladies. I mean, it would’ve happened eventually, but I almost guarantee you that she’s the reason that I realized it early.
    Plus, I am a redhead, and I have a thing for redheaded ladies (and since I’m bisexual, men too). Yeah. I bet there’s a psychologist somewhere that would love to ask me some questions.

    In all events, I thought I was special, but it looks like many ladies were swept away by Agent Sculley! :D

  2. But then she went and got together with Mulder which ruined it for me. That is all kinds of wrong.

    • I wanted SO BADLY to be Mulder for so long and could never figure out why. Seriously, I’d reason through it and be “He has no friends or life except a job he is obsessed with and barely holds on to… what is it?” Oh yes, because he was clearly going to get in Scully’s pants. Which was exactly where I wanted to be. Oh denial.

    • It’s weird, I didn’t want them to be together, but I didn’t want them to be with anyone else either.

      I suppose that just means I wanted the entire series to comprise only seasons 1-3, because those were the ones filled with the best Scully-giving-Mulder-disapproving-looks moments.

      • I was VERY adamant that they belonged together but we should NEVER see the relationship actually come close to happening.

        • I think it’s entirely possible for people to be platonic and intellectual soul-mates and that’s what they should have been.

          I can’t comprehend Mulder + Scully snogs because my brain’s defense mechanism kicks in with a very loud EUW.

          • Dear me of almost two years ago,

            I just wanted to say it will all be fine.

            Also, don’t try spray-painting in a windy field.


            present me.

  3. Umm Yeah I have been life long obsessed with this show (have an “X” tattoo on my ankle to prove it). Always loved me some Scully didn’t really understand why till I was a bit older : ) Maybe it was the pant suits, or the red hair, or even perhaps her long speeches filled with really big medical words I didn’t understand but to this day she still gets it done for me.

  4. Scully! Despite never wanting to get into her pants due to my Unresolved Ginger Issues, she is still one of TV’s all-time greatests, and must be the archetype for every strong, independent-minded, criminal-investigating female of the past decade.

    You’re definitely right about her really shagging Jodie Foster too, as the boy from Space Above and Beyond was just too young and generally wrong for her.

    Also you pointed out another reason why X-Files was so great: Eugene Tombs using his incredibly squeeziness to perve on women, which is totally what someone with that ability would do. It always bugged me that Odo in DS9 never used his shape-shifting for the power of perversion.

    • If you need help resolving said ginger issues just let me know.

      Aside from our adverse reactions to anesthesia and the fact that the sun pretty much hates our guts, we’re a pretty docile people.

    • Do people ever get…unresolved brunette/blonde issues? I guess I only hear about people with ginger issues.

  5. You know how I know this is true love? Gillian Anderson wears shoulder pads in some early episodes of the X Files, and ya know what – I don’t even care.

  6. This is the best thing ever written. By anyone, anywhere.

    I was pretty sure of it when I read “As Scully doggedly searched for the truth at Mulder’s side, I unknowingly sought my own truth. And that truth was that I wanted to get in her pants.” This summed up so many years of my life. And the rest of this just confirmed my suspicion that yes, best thing ever written.

    But I have so many feelings about Scully I can’t even process them yet. I wish I had my old Fight the Future VHS (if it isn’t worn out) and a VHS player and oh hey… THE INTERNET! It might be a late night.

    • WTF?!?!?! Is that Miley Cyrus next to my name? I’m not exactly sure what is happen here, but I don’t like it. Someone please tell me what just happened…..

      • It’s the default avatar. if you go gravatar.com and make your own it will replace dear Miley. It used to be Justin Bieber and before that T-Swift. Good times.

        • Isn’t the default avatar that adorable praying kitten? I’ve never seen anything besides kittens…

  7. I have to agree with many of those above. I remember watching the X-files in high school and lusting after Scully. Then wondering what was wrong with me.

    Eventually, I figured it out. =)

    Scully is still one of my all-time favorites. I bet if the X-files had started later in history she would have gotten at least one lesbian story line.

  8. ‘Never Again’ is my favorite episode ever. I always show it to people when they confess they have never seen an episode.

    I realize I probably look like a perv when I do that. Oh well. It is a great story line though. I am a sucker for personal revelations that are well illustrated.

    • the x files! my favorite show ever!

      my favorite episode is the baseball episode in season 6, where this black baseball player in the 40s is actually an alien, and a bount hunter comes after him. then mulder teaches scully to play baseball. does anyone know this episode? but like this commenter (http://www.autostraddle.com/5-x-files-episodes-that-made-me-gay-42687/comment-page-1/#comment-39541) i wanted to be Mulder. hahaha.

      my other favorite episode is the Rube Goldberg variation. the one where the “luckiest guy alive” survives all sorts of crap.

      oh, and that episode where Scully gets trapped by the 100+ year old photographer made me really fear for her. does anyone know that episode? he also had the hots for Scully, but unlike the pure love of the commenters here, this 100+ year old man actually stalked Scully then tried to trap her in his apartment. this is the photographer who arrives at crime scenes only moments after someone gets whacked.

      and i also super love that episode where Scully “becomes a bimbo”. Mulder wasn’t there, just the Lone Gunmen. i think the people who were holding Suzanne Modeski or someone injected Scully with something, then the short Lone Gunman was like “why would they want Scully to become a bimbo, and Modeski was explaining the drug kind of suppresses higher brain functions so the victim is easier to control. then Scully makes a cute “ouch” face when the Lone Gunmen inject her with the antidote.

      • The Unnatural! How could I forget my favorite things all in one ep- Scully AND baseball?!

        And Scully interacting with the Lone Gunmen is always a treat. They’re a hysterical combo.

  9. I’m REALLY glad to know that I wasn’t the only one who got nerdy goosebumps of love whenever the X-files music came on…Hmm…that would make a really sick ringtone…

    • !!! I totally had it as a ring tone for awhile. I also had an “I want to believe” poster in my room freshman year. needless to say, this post made me pretty happy.

    • Agreed! I momentarily wept tears of joy (human connectivity/shared feelings and all). Great job Taylor!

  10. I got soooooo excited when I saw something about the X-Files on Autostraddle. My two favorite things together as one! I watched the first movie every friggin day for an entire summer. I can still quote the thing beginning to end (complete with the goofy kids’ accents). I have the series on DVD and slowly plow through it over and over. Season 6 Scully is the hottest. Oh my goodness, I’m all in a tizzy right now. Thoughts and words and hot and excitement.

    • I’m so wound up I forgot to say my favorite Hot Scully episode. Triangle – Scully from the past in that dress with that hair bein’ and all snappy and shit. Yeah. Yowza.

      • YES! Scully from the past kicked SO MUCH ass. I VHS’ed that shit and watched it soooo many times.

        My other favorites are:

        Anasazi. Again with the depressingness leading to good eps. And Scully shot Mulder for his own good which is just somehow strangely awesome.

        Revelations. Very Scully-centric and she saves a kid and struggles with her faith and we should sit down and have a beer and talk about that (call me, Scully!).

        Ice. Hokey, yes. But Scully is being uber-sciency AND Felicity Huffman guest stars and I’m sure those two hooked up after she got out of quarantine.

        And about 12 others but I’ll stop there for now.

        • Ice was awesome because Scully is being all hot and aggressive and then she and Felicity Huffman “inspect” each other. Kind of naked. Come on!!!

      • yes! when Mulder gets lost in the Bermuda triangle! although they ended up kissing in this episode, it’s sort of forgivable, just pretend Mulder is gay (like Aiden in south of nowhere), or substitute Mulder for your self.

        their retro outfits in this episode were so cool.

        • It’s okay that they kissed in that episode because she punched him in the face immediately after.

  11. When I came out to my high school friends at 16 I actually used my lust for Dana Scully as a way to explain it to them. I told them I knew I was gay when I realized I didn’t want to “be” Dana Scully, I wanted to make out with her.

    This is one of the best posts I’ve read on any blog in a while. Love it and love Autostraddle.

  12. Oh yeah, X Files definitely gayed me up. I mean, at the time it started up on TV, I was already trying to figure out this ladysexuality I was feeling. I was actively, um, “working on it”, and then, Agent Scully was suddenly on my TV in a black suit, shouting and waving a gun around. I really worked on it a lot more after that.

  13. That’s a good X-Files legacy to have. Mine was a fear of bathrooms that lasted for five years after I saw “The Host”. :(

  14. *Smacks forehead* This explains SOOO much!

    I was kind of forced into watching the X Files by my best friend in primary school. Although sci-fi isn’t really my thing (Sorry ladies! I’m a nerd in SO many other ways…) I was strangely drawn into watching it.

    Now I know! I thought I was crushing on Mulder at the time, but it SO OBVIOUS now, I actually wanted to BE him, so I could get into Scully’s pants! (Thanks Rachel)

    This is ace! You guys are like my ‘Correspondence Psychiatrist’ Although I don’t say it as often as I should, I love Autostraddle :oD

  15. I haven’t read this yet, but I’m pretty sure it willbe my favourite thing on the interwebs today.

    Mmmm, Scully.

  16. I wasn’t into The X Files right away, but it didn’t take long. I remember reading the ‘screenplay’ for Darkness Falls in the 8th grade when we had to read those Time For Kids magazines and answer response questions. I’d say Gillian Anderson had a hand in my gayness, especially since I had this picture in my folder of hot celebrity pictures because I inexplicably loved it so much! Maybe I’ll go bust out my complete series boxset later…

  17. I was a hardcore X-Files fan when it was on TV. Skipped out on going out anywhere with my family on Friday nights unless they could promise I would be home by 9pm.

    I loved Dana Scully for the same reason I love Olivia Dunham in Fringe. Strong women running around in pant suits. I came *this close* to applying to the FBI academy because of her LOL

    • I would freak the fuck out if anyone thought about watching TV during X-Files time. And I read the books… I watched it last summer when I was sick though and Tooms seriously scared the shit out of me. I don’t even know how my 12-year-old self handled that.

    • oh yeah, Olivia Dunham! in my head she’s gay, though. just totally and completely lesbian. maybe it’s the pant suits. or the ponytail. or the whiskey she drinks neat, or the sensible shoes (for all the running around)…

  18. Oh, The X-Files. The show and the internet made its presence in my life about the same time. As I result, I started teaching myself web design so I could make xfiles web sites. Flash forward 10 years later and I’m working big corporate web design jobs all because I was insanely obsessed with Mulder and Scully getting it on. Back in the day, before all the combo names, there were just Shippers (short for relationship) and NoRomos (short for no romance). I was a Shipper of ridiculous proportions. Then I became slowly obsessed with David and Gillian’s off screen relationship. So crazy. I think I was so intent on avoiding dealing with my own sexuality that I became obsessed with them. I guess in that way I can credit the xfiles for making me gay.

  19. in middle school i wore a THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE t-shirt like, EVERY DAY. people mentioned it in my yearbook. i grew up to kiss girls and i named my cat scully. she’s a scientist.

    the scully tramp stamp episode is the best thing ever, hands down. thank you.

  20. Just wanted to comment and say that I love this blog post. I’m straight, but I totally enjoy the idea of Scully/female character fanfic (especially Scully/Reyes, it’s the only Reyes anything that I enjoy).

    “Never Again” is also one of my favorite episodes EVER of the series, and “The Unnatural” for that matter.

  21. Heterosexual woman here to tell you that I loved this post!!! I’d rather have Mulder in my bed but I can definitely appreciate the desire to have Scully in there as well. And you mentioned some of my favorite episodes- Memento Mori, Beyond the Sea, and Never Again are all in my top 10 fave eps… but as far as Scully goes– you went for great Scully moments as opposed to “hot” scully moments…

    if i were to become gay bc of Scully the list would have to include the end of roadrunners when shes all hot and sweaty in that tiny white tank top… and we do get to see her in a bathtub at least twice that i can think of off hand- in chinga and in hollywood AD… i do have to agree though that Scully getting the tattoo would probably be #1 on my list…

    X-files has always and probably will always be my favorite tv show… and in reality it’s a lot more than a tv show to me but that might just take me into new levels of geekdom… always nice to hear from others who love the show and for whom the show has changed their life…

    thanks for sharing

  22. This is probably not what you want to hear on a lesbian site but Ive been a huge fan of ‘The X-Files’ and own the entire series. As a gay man I have to tell you, Gillian Anderson is one of the few women I would switch for lol.

  23. Ok, I have to admit I didn’t see the X-Files until a few years ago, but my second favorite sexy Scully episode (my favorite being the cleavage fest that is En Ami) generally doesnt seem to be on other people’s radars. It’s “Our Town” and is only a favorite for the 2 second clip toward the end in which Mulder peels the duct tape off of a captured Scully’s mouth and her expression is sexy beyond words. Unfortunately I’ve been unable to find a clip or a still of this moment (or even free streaming of this particular episode online).

  24. I just found this article. I discovered the x files after the fact from my first girlfriend. It was a passionate love affair…I mean with the X Files!

    Anyways, I had never seen the episode where she gets a tattoo. Now I know why my first girlfriend wanted the snake eating itself tattoo. Ha!

  25. What surprised me that this was only news now… i didnt know about her man husband an kids…. When i read about this the other day i was like hmmm did i just make up and believe this in my head many many years ago…

  26. I came across this yesterday and went to log in to comment, and got redirected somewhere, and then couldn’t find it, and when I finally did and saw it was from 2010, I was pretty sure I must have gone into some kind of fugue state where I picked through the archives looking for x-files articles and only came to once I found this one. Glad to see that wasn’t the case.

    I can’t say I ever was into Scully, exactly. Maybe it’s cause I ‘shipped her and Mulder so hard. It would have just been WRONG. But I will say they really figured out her hair in Season 5.

    But, best X-files episodes:

    Bad Blood
    Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose
    Jose Chung’s From Outer Space (Charles! Nelson! Reilly!)
    The Post Modern Prometheus
    War of the Coprophages


    Small Potatoes

    Also, I can’t say I love this one but I do think it’s the most utterly terrifying (and hence one I only watched when it aired originally and then NEVER AGAIN: “Home” with the creepy dead incest babies and the sheriff named Andy Taylor. I used to tape every episode, and I taped over that one IMMEDIATELY to prevent nightmares. (I was, like, 14.)

  27. so nice to see so many xphiles on here!

    also scully was totally gettin’ with reyes after mulder took off to do whatever it was he did in the later years. i mean cmon…couldnt you feel the tension when reyes delivered william? lol and basically anytime they were around each other.

  28. Mm hmm, definately my first TV girl-crush. She’s a strong, intelligent, straigh-talking, doctor woman with red hair…what’s not to love? Also, I still get freaked out by some of those earlier episodes if I watch them late enough at night. Good times.
    *my friend and I refer to each other as Mulder and Scully…oh nerdom.

  29. Of course my first post here would be prompted by Dana Scully. Scully/Reyes fanfiction pretty much blew my little gay teenage mind. I wish I could react to Gillian Anderson’s quiet coming out with FBI caliber nonchalance, but my insides turned into a squirming nerdy tween who wants to proclaim her undying love.

  30. OMG I just joined Autostraddle less than 24 hours ago and this post comes up? I am freakin’ in love with you guys. Gillian Anderson was the first hint I was a lady lover. To say I was obsessed with the x-files would be the understatement of the year. Let’s just reminisce on the things I did because I was so in love with Agent Dana Scully

    -Made a prototype of an X-Files Board Game and sent it in to Mattel (at least my mom told me she sent it in; 8 year olds don’t have a lot of money to send things via UPS)
    -Dressed up with my cousin as Scully and Mulder for three Halloweens in a row
    -Wrote detailed letters to every cast member of the X-Files and subsequently received personalized autographs from them.
    -Sent gifts to Gillian Anderson’s daughter (I believe her name is Piper Maru?)
    -Played with my Limited Edition Scully and Mulder dolls.
    -Made sure my parents had me home every Sunday at 8pm like clockwork.
    -Made it to the 2nd round as a winner of a FOX movie trivia contest when the first film came out. The prize was a watch, t-shirt, and baseball cap – I never took them off and had that year’s school pictures taken with them on.

    Before you go being a hater and calling me a total creeper, I was 8 years old. Most 8 year olds obsess about something – usually boy bands. But no, my obsession was Gillian Anderson and the X-files.

    I guess I should’ve known I was queer when I repeatedly returned to a picture of Mulder and Scully embracing each other in nightshirts (some promo photo). I wanted to see them kiss! When they finally did, it was such a let down. I realize now, I wanted that kiss to be me :p

    • It was on Friday night for awhile, wasn’t it? 1st season I think.

      I don’t recognize most of these episodes, I logged in because I find it so funny that I used to watch it because my straight friends were wildly obsessed with the X files – and Mulder and Scully alike. I just tagged along for the ride.

  31. omg you guys i had x-files action figures. ACTION FIGURES. GUESS HOW MUCH I KISSED THEM.

    for the record i only kissed mulder & scully, not the alien that came with them. the alien was strictly for scully to autopsy.

  32. When I was about four years old, I’d watch X-Files and get FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. It terrified me. I wouldn’t sleep if I’d seen it. I still turned it on every time I had the chance though, just cause I loved Scully.

    • I used to sit behind the couch and color or play Legos while my family watched it…I was scared out of my mind by the show and would get nightmares if I watched, but if I was alone in my room I still knew they were watching and that scary things were happening downstairs.

  33. I must be the only one. It was always Mulder for me (and I came out way back in ’87), because I loved his character, his expressions, his (almost lack of) expressiveness. How he always looked like he might break into a grin at any time. This captivated me. Scully was boring to me, too staid, to stuck in science. Physicality was not even an issue. Yes, she was good-looking, but even so, her character threw me off. I was Mulder all the way, even named my little Siamese kitten Fox.

    But then, in later episodes, towards the end of the series, I started to find Scully more…intriguing. As she vacillated, and then grew, I was drawn in. I still favoured Mulder, but Scully came close to sharing equal time.

    And then came the two movies, and especially the last, and it was a done deal. I was hot for Scully. Because she, in her steadfastness, but flexible mentality, became hot.

    Excellent post, by the way.

  34. you guys, it was this article that introduced me to autostraddle!
    i had no idea googling “gillian anderson gay” would lead me to an internet lesbian mecca, but i am so glad it did.

  35. I had barely left my cartoon-watching phase when I got into X-Files (which probably explains a lot about me…) and it remains, to this day, my absolute favourite show, and it will probably be for the rest of my life.

    And yeah, I had the hugest crush on Scully… at the grand ol’ age of eleven. I just didn’t know it at the time :-)

  36. I was only 10 when the X Files hit our screens across the pond. I used to stay up late with the portable TV in my room and watch it with the sound turned down as low as possible so that I didn’t wake my parents. And I felt really, really strange about Agent Scully… She was directly responsible for my very first explicitly gay dream and also my redhead fetish ;)

  37. The X-Files was the right thing at the right time. It fits into my worldview in so many ways. I still don’t think there’s a tv show that compares. In a time when there was only recording on VCR’s, I knew I where I had to be each week when the Gillian’s loveliness was going to be on my TV screen. I both wanted to be Scully and be with Scully. *swoon*

  38. Thank you so much for writing this…

    I saw her the first time on screen when I was 12 years old and there is nobody, really noone out there…that ever got me like she did. I must admit.. that I was seriously lovesick over that woman. In fact, she played an important part in me becoming the person I am today. And looking back on my personal relationship with that TV character, or that actress (I could never really devide those two) I can´t put into words how emotional I still feel about her…even though she is not part of my daily life anymore.

    I didnt know if I was in love with her, if she was a role-model, the most fascinating and beautiful person I had ever seen, a mirror of my own strong and at the same time fragile, confused character- or all at once!! All I knew was I was watching the x files because of HER and not David Duchovny. Although he was great as well!!

    Since I am and was- most of the time of my life – heterosexual, I could never fully understand my feelings for her. Interestingly I met a woman years later, after the x files stopped being on TV and my mind had wandered from that greatest imaginary love affair of my youth to other things- and immediately fell in love with her in a romantic way and didn´t understand why. Later on I realized she did look A LOT like Gillian and was from the same fragile beauty of Agent Scully.

    Well. So my deep deep love affair with Scully/Anderson never materialized in real life through that other woman or anyone else. But I will always remember what she did to my young mind and there is no way anyone or anything can ever build up to that.

    This is a true love confession. And I am sure some of you women here understand what I mean… It feels good to know, I was not alone with this kind of confused feelings.

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