NSFW Sunday Is Body Safe

All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are of Chaele by photographer Hannah Rimm and have been used with permission. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Chaele by photographer Hannah Rimm

+ The most important thing isn’t whether you and a partner argue (you will), but how you handle it when you do, writes Lori Gottlieb in the Cut:

“A psychologist named John Gottman conducted a well-known experiment in which he watched couples argue. These partners were asked to talk about a disagreement while an observer analyzed their interaction. In the end, Gottman took note of what he called “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” — contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling — and found that couples who used more of these horsemen during their observed argument were far more likely to split up than those who found more respectful ways to disagree. But he also found that the skills that give a relationship a more positive prognosis can be easily taught.”

Chaele by photographer Hannah Rimm

+ “As psychiatrist Suzanne Lachmann wrote in a Psychology Today column, grieving the end of a romance can turn people ‘flaky, distant, insensitive, even dismissive,’ with no easy fix; your interactions with people around you can devolve into ‘fear, despair, disappointment and shame turned outward.’ In short, breakups and their accompanying emotions tend to be perfect storms for the destruction of friendship,” but they don’t have to be, writes Susie Neilson at the Cut. Don’t make your mutual friends pick sides, reach out to them, strengthen or rebuild or build friendships slowly, remember that other people have lives that do not revolve around your sadness, but also don’t push them away.

+ Sometimes the hardest part of breaking up is deciding to break up.

+ It’s okay to let yourself feel bad sometimes.

+ Here’s a quick guide to STI transmission.

+ Don’t tell that girl at work you have a crush on that you have a crush on her out of nowhere, it’s okay to exploit a professional connection but maybe not someone you went on a date with that one time, it’s okay to say your partner applied for a position but not okay to pressure anyone about it, and other advice on workplace romance.

+ It’s hard when one partner has anxiety and one partner doesn’t. Also here’s what to do when you start having a panic attack.

+ Grooby, one of the longest-running trans porn sites, is finally removing slurs from its branding.

+ Submission is a sign of strength. And BDSM can be healing.

Chaele by photographer Hannah Rimm

+ You deserve non-toxic sex toys, writes Epiphora:

“Call me an extremist, but “body-safe” should be the goddamn bare minimum for sex toys.

This phrase doesn’t mean the toy’s well-designed, or that it will give you an orgasm, or even that it’s going to function properly. It implies nothing beyond the fact that using the toy will not harm a human being.

In an infuriating bout of linguistic nitpicking, the Woodhull panelists argued that “body-safe” is relative based on dosage, exposure, and individual sensitivities. OK, but why can’t we just actively limit our exposure to known problematic chemicals? We have the power to do this!”

Chaele by photographer Hannah Rimm

+ Dating apps are complicated so here’s some advice on them, like this from sex educator Tiimaree Schmit:

“The biggest mistake people make is looking for a checklist instead of a connection. It’s not shopping on Amazon, but it feels a lot like that, so we approach it that way. I recommend getting to the in-person meet as quickly as possible, because the online experience of someone is not always what it feels like to be with them across a table.

Your goals should also line up with your behavior. If you’re looking for a long-term thing, make that apparent in your responsiveness to messages, your follow up to dates, by being authentic and vulnerable. If you just want a casual thing, be clear on that and don’t confuse people by being misleadingly romantic or familiar. Be honest about who you are and what you want. That might require some soul-searching to figure out first. There are folks who go on without any intention of meeting anyone, just to get validation and maybe small talk and sexts. There are people looking for marriage. They’re both fine, but everyone should be clear on that, so that no one gets needlessly hurt or has their time wasted.

Chaele by photographer Hannah Rimm

+ The photos in this week’s NSFW Sunday are of Chaele by Hannah Rimm, a Brooklyn-based photographer and writer (also on instagram). On their collaboration, Hannah says:

“I’ve known Chaele for a few years now and I remember the first time meeting her I thought, “Wow that person looks like a painting!” She’s so gorgeous and I love the way she hold her body and the way light hits her. I always take inspiration from my models, so I wanted to set up a photo shoot that could really emphasize her painting qualities. I’m really thrilled with how they turned out.”

And Chaele says:

”We jumped in and out of shots and settings almost as quickly and easily as I jumped in an out of clothes. I was thrilled to spend a sunny Sunday morning with Hannah, who not only created some amazing images, but made me feel like a beautiful sex goddess. I’ve been giddily admiring my own body ever since!”

Hannah also notes:

“I’m primarily driven by normalizing and destigmatizing queer bodies and their sexuality. As a queer person myself I find it a constant struggle to feel valid in my own wants and desires so I use my camera to lift up the wants and desires of other queer people. I try to be as validating as possible on set, especially with NSFW shoots when people are so fully handing me their vulnerability.”

Chaele by photographer Hannah Rimm

Carolyn Yates was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She lives in Los Angeles by way of Montreal and Toronto. Find her on twitter or instagram.

Carolyn has written 964 articles for us.

9 Comments

    • I have quit HER, I am so sick and tired of people talking to me and suddenly asking for money. Its pathetic on their part, just because someone gives you the time of day, does not mean they should get paid for that. It’s demeaning, pathetic, and truly shows their lack of character and morals.
      Keep on keeping on Denise, and good luck on your journey for love, you’ll find someone. Maybe just not on HER.

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