Top 15 Mostly Queer Most Critterish Humans Of All Time

First, a definition of the term “Critter,” as defined by a friend:

A critter is someone who does things that normal people do in a way cuter than the average person. It can be used as a noun, adjective, or a greeting. If I was to see you on the street randomly I might say, “Hey Crit.”

Examples of critter behavior are as follows: being super cute and fun all the time, not causing drama, wearing hoodies that make you want to cuddle no matter what your relationship is, a stranger being super nice for no reason for no personal benefit for themselves, making the best out of awful situations, always being up for anything.

Critter is totally not a sexual term at all, although obvs we’ve probs all had sex with critters, it is by no means a qualification for the term.

My friends and I have been using the term “critter” for many years now, and qualifying various humans as critterish or not. Many of our dear friends and co-workers are critters but we couldn’t put them all on this list. However, we hope that this list will inspire you to think about the critters in your life and what they mean to you. Maybe you should give them an extra cuddle tonight.

This list is mostly but not entirely queer, because Rachael Hip-Flores is straight and Samira Wiley has yet to officially declare her desire to marry me.

 

Top 15 Critters Of the Day

in no particular order

15. Autostraddle Associate Editor Yvonne Marquez

Dreaming of the day I can EAT YOU UP!

Can I get real with you for a second — I was not sold on the re-emergence of sweaters with animal faces on them until I saw Yvonne in a sweater with a fox on it. With respect to “doing things cuter than the average person” I need only direct you to the photograph above, where Yvonne is wishing she hadn’t given up fried foods this year in a manner which is far cuter then the average person’s expression of that emotion.

14. Musicians Tegan & Sara

tegan-sara

Tegan & Sara embody all things crit, including cute haircuts, hoodies and being awkward and funny in the coolest way ever. Plus there was that one video where they were swaddled in so much winterwear.

13. Rock Star Somer Bingham

somer is ready! (photo by donna)

If you’ve seen Somer perform live in 3-D or on your television set, or perused her various photographic presences online, you may not be aware of her intensely critterish qualities, as exemplified by her photoshop skills, overall life attitude, and hoodie-sleeve-clutching habits. Rock star by night, Crit by day.

12 & 11. Actresses Nicole Pacent & Rachael Hip-Flores

anyone_but_me-critters

Our first and last list of Autostraddle Icons debuted in early 2010, and these two actresses, the then-stars of popular lesbian webseries Anyone But Metook the honor of “Critters of the Year.” Therefore we must continue to honor them as such indefinitely amen.

10. Fashion Blogger Arabelle Sicardi

I’m a hugger so I hug everybody I meet, but even if you’re not a hugger, I feel like if you looked at a photo of fashion blogger Arabelle Sicardi, you’d think to yourself I’d like to hug this person when I meet her. (But only if she’s okay with it, of course.) She’s like over a decade younger than me and already 500 times cooler than everybody I’ve ever known combined.

 

9. Writer Michelle Tea

michelle-tea-bookchat

Writer Michelle Tea emcees the events she produces with the most genuine enthusiasm of any event host I’ve ever seen in all my lifetimes on this earth. Thus she infuses poetry readings with a figurative group hug from a critter.

8. Actress Samira Wiley

samira-wiley-with-a-puppy

Samira Wiley, Girl Crush Numero Uno, is certified critter material for her cute selfies, her many hooded shirts, her affection for string cheese and her declaration that she needs a boo to keep her lil ass warm in the winter.

 

7. New Media Star Hannah Hart

photo by robin roemer

photo by robin roemer

Hannah Hart basically lives The Gospel of Critter, thus attracting hoards of Hartosexuals all over the world who swoon over her super-friendliness, versatile facial expressions, energetic body movements, kissing booth prowess, love songs to the internet and ability to rock a penguin outfit first thing in the morning.

6. Musician Mary Lambert

081913-mary-lambert

Did Mary Lambert intend for “She Keeps Me Warm” to be the official Critter National Anthem or did it just inevitably turn out that way? You will have to ask her the next time you spot her in Critter Cuddle City.

 

5. Actress Jasika Nicole

jasika-nicole-vancouver-portraits-fringe-editorial-images-amelia-strauss-9

Actress Jasika Nicole has a tumblr called sugarbooty and she also knits and sews and made her wife a really cute sweater for the holidays. In interviews she is super-chill and laughs a lot. Also how can you not want to cuddle with that picture?

4. Comedian Deanne Smith

deanne-with-glitter

If you looked up “Critter” in the encyclopedia, it would be a video of Deanne Smith playing Nerdy Love Song on her ukelele while her kitten runs interference. Seriously go watch it right now, even if you’ve already seen it, you probably need to see it again.

3. Intern* Chelsey

fort-feelings

We have a long and storied history of critterish Interns such as Forever Intern Grace, Intern Emily Choo, Hot Laura and Intern Lily. Today we want to draw your attention to Intern Chelsey, who was a mermaid for Halloween last year and Robin (as in “Batman and”) for Halloween this year. When Intern Chelsey and fellow critter Community Editor Vanessa Friedman share airspace, everything is beautiful because everything is crit:

chelsey-and-v

critter-on-critter love

2. Musician Charice

charice-is-super-cute

Charice looked pretty damn crittery when she wore pigtails on an episode of Glee and sang with Rachel Berry, but the world was totally unprepared for how critterish she’d become with her alternative lifestyle haircut and subsequent coming out.

1. Actress Raven-Symone: Lifetime Critterish Achievement Award

raven-ax

Obviously Critter Status is, in many ways, dependent partially on said candidate’s ability to exude child-like energy, and nobody is better equipped to do so than Raven-Symone, cutest child of all time from The Cosby Show who has now blossomed into the cutest grown-up of all time. Plus, she’s totally queer. This is the stuff Critter Dreams are MADE OF.


* Chelsey isn’t actually an “Intern” anymore but “Intern” is a more critterish title than “Editorial Assistant.”


in-article-A-plus-banner

Profile photo of Riese

Riese is the 33-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1764 articles for us.

43 Comments

  1. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    I have spent the last five minutes trying to figure out the zipper-floral situation on Michelle Tea’s shirt. I’m at a loss.

    Jasika Nicole is the critterest and whoa, Mary Lambert looks like a slightly older version of my sister. Like, a LOT.

  2. Thumb up 8

    Please log in to vote

    Chelsey and Vanessa were the first two things I thought of when I saw the title for this and didn’t even know how you defined critter. Their picture together should just be in the dictionary as THE definition.

  3. Thumb up 7

    Please log in to vote

    I didn’t know what the connotation attached to “critter” was! This makes so much sense…
    A co-worker of mine always calls me that and because she’s cute I was thinking, “Aw shucks, call me whatever you want.” Now I’m up to date with current compliments..game on cute co-worker.

  4. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

    *cough*

    I mean, I guess that was okay, guys.

  5. Thumb up 4

    Please log in to vote

    Jasika Nicole is my all-time favorite on this list simply because she’s super nice, can make damn near anything, and has an awesome tumblr. Also, if you leave her a message she’s really good at getting back to you. I don’t know that most actors are like that.

  6. Thumb up 3

    Please log in to vote

    this list made me feel like i was chasing seagulls all around the beach. A+.

    also this: “if you’ve seen Somer perform live in 3-D or on your television set, or perused her various photographic presences online, you may not be aware of her intensely critterish qualities”

    i was kind of intimidated by Somer before we first met because she’s a real rock star. but then she ran for Intern 2013 and i changed my opinion.

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.