BREAKING: Samira Wiley Needs a Boo, Eats String Cheese

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Yesterday Samira Wiley made everybody’s private parts explode with this announcement regarding her ass requiring warmth:

As if her public declaration regarding needing a special somebody wasn’t enough, today she followed up with a confession that she enjoys the world’s best processed food product, string cheese:

WAIT DON’T CHANGE YOUR PANTS YET. I have some photographs which I feel will be useful as you sit at home pondering your qualifications for boo-dom. If you’d like to win honorary Boo’dom, I invite you to write a haiku for Samira Wiley in the comments or otherwise express your feelings. Just remember that there’s already a Big Boo and a Little Boo, which means you’ll have to be Medium Boo.

emo-selfie

hey boo check out how light revolves around my face like the sun revolves around the earth

samira-in-the-tub

hey boo wanna get non-monog with me and these two fierce bitches and also our hats

samira-selfie

hey boo it’s cool you can rub your hands in paint and then say hello to me any time you want

josephinecaldwell

hey boo, i recognize the obvious sexual caption that could be given to this photograph, but i actually look so fucking ridiculously sexy in this picture that using that kind of caption would be actual blasphemy

what-the

hey boo what are you doing you don’t have to wear clothes around me

samira-with-dog

hey boo, i just wanna be loved like a puppy is loved

omgtaystee

HAAAYAYYYY BOOOOOO IT’S ME AND DANIELLE HAYYYYYY

niceteeth

hey boo, we got something for everybody

poussey

hey boo, i believe you belong under this arm and yet you are nowhere near this arm

scrubs

hey boo, i just gotta hang out with my BFF for a second ok, it’s cool because we’re both independent women and aren’t super co-dependent and give each other lots of space

in-blue-hoodie

hey boo, it’s true g-d invented hoodies just so i could wear them

premiere-

hey boo my gender presentation is hella flexible and damn do i look good doing it

ella-ella-ella

hey boo, just texting you to let you know if you’re out there in the rain that i got an umbrella right here for you

on-panel

hey boo i’m technically on this panel right now but my heart’s way over there with you

backstage

hey boo, with your consent i’m just gonna put two in the front and two in the back real quick, go knicks

samira-going-to-church

hey boo it’s just that our future’s so bright i gotta wear shades

poussey-and-black-cindy-via-poussseys

hey boo gtg hang out with black cindy right now… wanna come?

omg-its-me

hey boo, look it’s how we met!

cutest

hey boo, now the puppy’s gonna know your scent

FELON

hey boo i identify as 100% Y.O.U.R.S.

singing-amazing-grace

hey boo, when i sang “amazing grace” i really meant “amazing boo” and damn you lit up like the prettiest angel i’ve ever seen

holy-shit-that-outfit

hey boo, it’s okay, just take a lot of deep breaths and this photo won’t give you a heart attack

poussey-and-puppy

hey boo, check out how i accent à droite this bitch

b-w-selfie

hey boo. yes that’s my bra. stop staring. ok it’s fine keep staring.

samira-headshot-2

hey boo, btw i went to julliard

best-picture-ever

hey boo, butch please

Lauren-Morelli-and-samira-wiley

hey boo, you’re so hot i had to take off my sweatshirt

samira-wiley-with-a-puppy

hey boo, how do you like this double puppy eyes

samira-headshot

hey boo, did you know that only 12 women a year get into julliard’s theater program, just saying

birthday-party

hey boo, it’s cool you couldn’t make it, you probably would’ve hyperventilated in the face of all this awesome and it was taylor’s birthday so

samira-via-twitter

hey boo, hey.

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Riese

Riese is the 40-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3016 articles for us.

49 Comments

  3. Welp. I’m in love. Again.

    Does she fit the qualifications to be in the autostraddle queer hot 100? Cause if so, I expect her to do very well next spring.

    Of course, Kate Moennig has never actually come out to the best of my knowledge and she’s always on it. lol

    Reply to This Comment

  12. my computer just lost a very important project file literal SECONDS before i was about to finish with it, and i was really considering throwing it out the window, but then this decided to grace my screen with its presence.

    so thank you for saving me from a very rash decision.

    Reply to This Comment

    • I made a follow-up post to this last night, but apparently it didn’t go through (my ISP is garbage), but I was SO UPSET that I spelled her name wrong! I knew it was Samira, but the URL tricked me when I was writing this, and I second-guessed myself. *sob*

      Reply to This Comment

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