Yesterday Samira Wiley made everybody’s private parts explode with this announcement regarding her ass requiring warmth:
As if her public declaration regarding needing a special somebody wasn’t enough, today she followed up with a confession that she enjoys the world’s best processed food product, string cheese:
WAIT DON’T CHANGE YOUR PANTS YET. I have some photographs which I feel will be useful as you sit at home pondering your qualifications for boo-dom. If you’d like to win honorary Boo’dom, I invite you to write a haiku for Samira Wiley in the comments or otherwise express your feelings. Just remember that there’s already a Big Boo and a Little Boo, which means you’ll have to be Medium Boo.
hey boo check out how light revolves around my face like the sun revolves around the earth
hey boo wanna get non-monog with me and these two fierce bitches and also our hats
hey boo it’s cool you can rub your hands in paint and then say hello to me any time you want
hey boo, i recognize the obvious sexual caption that could be given to this photograph, but i actually look so fucking ridiculously sexy in this picture that using that kind of caption would be actual blasphemy
hey boo what are you doing you don’t have to wear clothes around me
hey boo, i just wanna be loved like a puppy is loved
HAAAYAYYYY BOOOOOO IT’S ME AND DANIELLE HAYYYYYY
hey boo, we got something for everybody
hey boo, i believe you belong under this arm and yet you are nowhere near this arm
hey boo, i just gotta hang out with my BFF for a second ok, it’s cool because we’re both independent women and aren’t super co-dependent and give each other lots of space
hey boo, it’s true g-d invented hoodies just so i could wear them
hey boo my gender presentation is hella flexible and damn do i look good doing it
hey boo, just texting you to let you know if you’re out there in the rain that i got an umbrella right here for you
hey boo i’m technically on this panel right now but my heart’s way over there with you
hey boo, with your consent i’m just gonna put two in the front and two in the back real quick, go knicks
hey boo it’s just that our future’s so bright i gotta wear shades
hey boo gtg hang out with black cindy right now… wanna come?
hey boo, look it’s how we met!
hey boo, now the puppy’s gonna know your scent
hey boo i identify as 100% Y.O.U.R.S.
hey boo, when i sang “amazing grace” i really meant “amazing boo” and damn you lit up like the prettiest angel i’ve ever seen
hey boo, it’s okay, just take a lot of deep breaths and this photo won’t give you a heart attack
hey boo, check out how i accent à droite this bitch
hey boo. yes that’s my bra. stop staring. ok it’s fine keep staring.
hey boo, btw i went to julliard
hey boo, butch please
hey boo, you’re so hot i had to take off my sweatshirt
hey boo, how do you like this double puppy eyes
hey boo, did you know that only 12 women a year get into julliard’s theater program, just saying
hey boo, it’s cool you couldn’t make it, you probably would’ve hyperventilated in the face of all this awesome and it was taylor’s birthday so
hey boo, hey.
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Riese is the 40-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.
Riese has written 3016 articles for us.
this is the most important post in the history of the internet.
thank you i feel exactly the same way
Ummm…just take it all, Poussey.
Welp. I’m in love. Again.
Does she fit the qualifications to be in the autostraddle queer hot 100? Cause if so, I expect her to do very well next spring.
Of course, Kate Moennig has never actually come out to the best of my knowledge and she’s always on it. lol
Piper and Alex/Are nothing compared to you/I ship you with me!
*see terms and conditions*
if you were my wife
i would tell you all the time
accent à droite, bitch
Riese continues to do God’s work
Quick someone start a petition for people to come around with pictures of her in lieu of biblical tracts.
NOW THE PUPPY IS GOING TO KNOW YOUR SCENT.
DYING OF LAUGHTER.
MY GIRLFRIEND JUST TOOK OFF HER HEADPHONES TO SEE IF I’M OK, FOR REAL.
You posted this thing
And then I felt many things.
Get in my pants, please.
I already have a person but I don’t really think she’d mind. Hi, Ari.
I just love her so much. Also, go rent The Sitter if you haven’t already.
MY BODY IS READY!
I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!!!
my computer just lost a very important project file literal SECONDS before i was about to finish with it, and i was really considering throwing it out the window, but then this decided to grace my screen with its presence.
so thank you for saving me from a very rash decision.
…and my pants are about as wet as they were at the andrea gibson show right now.
I will be your girl,
because you are cute as fuck
and you make me smile.
(In other news, hikus are hard)
haiku* (spelling is hard too)
Nothing makes me smile
Like string-cheese makes me smile, BUT
Nothing brings me bliss
Like writing bad haikus, BUT
is so fucking amazing
work those shoulders, girl
I made a follow-up post to this last night, but apparently it didn’t go through (my ISP is garbage), but I was SO UPSET that I spelled her name wrong! I knew it was Samira, but the URL tricked me when I was writing this, and I second-guessed myself. *sob*
wooow, I need to sign up for Netflix asap.
Babe, I’d speak in verse
Ten million times a day if
it would keep you warm.
(“Warm,” in this case, is a metaphor.)
Ok, stopping now with the compulsive poetry writing…
I’m in Europe so
Don’t stand much chance here, oh well
Maybe Scary Spice?
I’m currently watching OITNB through for the second time, just for more Poussey. I realllyyyy hope she has even more screen time next season because her face is wonderful.
And now I’m finally glad I got out of bed today. Morning made.
Am I the only one completely lost w/r/t what’s on her chest in that black and white selfie? Swear I’ve spent the last 10 minutes staring at that pic, and not just because of her eyes ashdjglk
Too in love with her face right now! I had to follow her on instagram. I should have followed her earlier what have I been doing with my life????
“now the puppy’s gonna know your scent”
Can’t haiku, too busy swooning. swooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.
I’m going to have to get instagram so I can look at her and the adorable cast pictures all the damn time!
This post is everything. I’m just going to sob. HOW DOES HER FACE WORK?
But do we know if she likes the ladies?
She did post that one thing on Instagram that was picture of a CD titled ‘to eat girls out to’ (or words to that effect) but aside from that, nothing haha
I hate to be that person (because I totally assumed she was into women at first) but apparently she has a husband. So yeah, sorry.
that guy people think she’s married to is just her friend, they’re not married. he has a girlfriend: http://instagram.com/p/ekTWAqsVWx/
OH THANK SWEET LESBIAN BLACK BABY JESUS!
Not that it matters or anything, I just have strong lust pangs for Samira.
Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnf. She makes me weak in my knees. And that smile. Omigod. Just. HI.
I find my eyes tearing up in a Stendhal syndrome type situation.
damn damn damn damn damn
grrrrrrrrl I’d keep your lil ass warm
damn damn damn damn damn
Samira Wiley…..WOW, Yep she`s Hot!
Bringing this back almost a year later because goddddddd damn is season 2 Poussey absolutely killing me.
is it to late to be the #1boo in the non-monog–jus sayn
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