From now on, what you can expect from me is the proper allocation of meaningful emotion (regret and sorrow) and matter-of-fact breakdowns of the world’s ills.
From jelly “the colour of sadness” to giant cakes and turtle soup, I’ve got a menu you’ll probably want to replicate at home while your cat screams into a pillow.
Chocolate Mousse tastes WAY better without sedatives.
In which we deal with the ongoing reality of Donald Trump by drawing all over his face in Photoshop like GROWN-UPS.
“Trendy bisexual girls hugging at camera”
Is it possible to learn hot dance moves and wow all your pals on the dance floor just from watching YouTube videos? I decided to find out.
“I can never remember which finger is supposed to make me gay. I guess this is part of the whole indecisive bisexual thing.”
“Expound the value of systematic deception, use high-sounding slogans and phrases and advocate lavish promises [or roses] to the masses even though they cannot be kept.”
“Every morning cut up a little turf of fresh earth, and lying down, breathe into the hole for a quarter of an hour.”
Today’s Slate.com article about Hillary Clinton dressing like a lesbian misses one very important point: EVERY presidential candidate dresses like a lesbian. Luckily, we are here to make that point for you.
“Gays exposed to the word ‘girlfriend’ to describe an innocent friendship often experience paranoia, heart palpitations, dizziness, an inadvertent rolling back of the eyes, and mental exhaustion related to figuring out what this person’s deal is.”
“Is it the vexed flounder at 17:44? The rowdy clownfish at 38:08? The starfish in the bottom right corner that remains untouched from 16:00 to 30:00? “
Regrets, I’ve had a few.
“Oh! Kevin Spacey’s character is named Mike Huckabee. Oh, shit! And he’s running for President of the United States of America on a platform of Traditional Marriage! Polygamy and rape in the White House, then, I guess. This should be on HBO.”
Strawberries and blueberries in a buttermilk biscuit cobbler situation, so you can live your best life!
Black nail polish will inherit the earth.
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a big ‘ol group of queers and otherwise-identified humans taste test and evaluate six brands of string cheese accompanied by boxed wine, then today could very well be the greatest day of your life.
Just a gal, her pal, her super-supportive mom and a pack of wolves, howling at the moon. No but seriously, Kristen Stewart’s Mom confirmed the relationship. Also did we mention the wolves.
Furthermore, Miley has launched a charity “devoted to helping homeless youth, LGBT youth, and other vulnerable populations” and played music in her backyard with Laura Jane Grace and Joan Jett!
Really considered making Strawberry Shortcake Bar numbers 1-10.