by riese & laneia
Stock photography: that underrated art form in which professionals create rights-free images suitable for usage by a variety of magazine and online publications and often this art qualifies as a lesbian pic. We love us some Shutterstock, we really truly do, especially lately as they’ve been beefing up their lesbian section with photos that look like actual lesbians living actual lives. But the Shutterstock archives are still bursting with evidence of misguided photoshoots of times past. We’ve marveled at the oddness of lesbian stock photography before, and provided some homoerotic Christmas shoots, but that was back in the day when we only used Getty Images and now we have a whole new treasure trove to mine over at Shutterstock. Seriously though, who knew that the primary lesbian sex act was standing breast-to-breast, staring at the camera?
25 Pictures Of Lesbian Sexuality According To Stock Photography
1.
Uggghhhh my arm is falling asleep
2.
Is that a poisonous snake in your hand or are you just happy to see me
3.
Looks like your waxer missed a hair
4.
Babe seriously, female ejaculation is nothing to be ashamed of.
5.
Rosalie swore she was a size M in white thongs, so Bella felt PRET-TY SMUG about proving Rosalie was actually a size S!
6.
No, wait, the Ambien just kicked in. Sorry.
7.
Blair and Shelly figured out how to make sure they’d never lose each other at the Dinah Shore Pool Party again
8.
Johanna and Katniss stayed perfectly still so as to blend in with the rest of the presents under Ellen Page’s Christmas tree
9.
See, Autostraddle says it’s totally okay to fuck with our clothes on!
I know it shouldn’t be, but the fact that your bedspread was stolen from Mrs. Abernathy’s Kindergarten class is SUCH a turn-on.
You’re right, this is so much better than having sex with boys!
10.
Serpent of old, ruler of the deep. Guardian of the bitter sea. Show us your glory. Show us your power! We pray of thee, we pray of thee. We invoke thee.
11.
Baby, remember that conversation we had last week about trimming your fingernails before fisting?
12.
I can’t believe the bank teller only gave us one lollipop. So rude.
13.
You know you really should consider going down a cup size, there’s lots of extra space in here
14.
SCISSORING MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
15.
Legitimately unclear why this photo was among my “lesbian” search results
16.
Where’s my sandwich?!
17.
It’s just that you smell like my favorite flavor of Yankee Candle
18.
All I need in this life of sin is an exercise ball between me and my girlfriend
19.
Okay fine you can borrow my shoes but you have to promise not to mess them up!
20.
WHO’S UP FOR PONY PLAY??!!!
21.
Cassandra had been waiting all her life for a woman who would lick her chin, and now that it was really happening, she could barely remember to breathe
22.
Is this sex? Are we sexing yet? Get the flowchart out again.
23.
Watching “Game of Thrones” in upward-facing dog lesbian sandwich pose is probably the best idea we’ve had since we bought these matching nude bodysuits on the internet
24.
Uh babe you’re smushing my nose
Now it’s your turn, how would you caption this sucker?
CAPTION THIS
You haven’t really lived until you and your partner transform into giraffes and then do it.
Two melon lovers that will never have to choose between spitting and swallowing seed.
casual transmisogyny though :(
Hi there. I had never heard of “transmisogyny” so I decided to educate myself and look it up. Here’s what I got:
I’m sorry if I caused any distress, but I was wondering if you could help me understand how my comment could be discriminatory? (just looking to improve myself)
Hi there. I had never heard of “transmisogyny” so I decided to educate myself and look it up. Here’s what I got: “Transmisogyny, then, is […] the negative attitudes, expressed through cultural hate, individual and state violence, and discrimination directed toward trans* women and trans* people on the feminine end of the gender spectrum.” I’m sorry if I caused any distress, but I was wondering if you could help me understand how my comment could be discriminatory? (just looking to improve myself)
It can be really alienating and invalidating to suggest that lesbians don’t only interact with vulvas/don’t interact w sperm producing (which I’m assuming your comment was reffering too) genitalia ever because some have said genitalia and some have partners w said genitalia.
there are for sure more extreme examples of transmisogyny than your comment but it still contributes to a culture that essentializes women’s identities and sexualities to genitalia and causes a lot of subsequent violence for transfeminine folks. Being a woman or a lesbian is a lot more than just genitals which I’m sure you know!! :)
(full disclosure I’m not transfeminine but my partner is and am thusly sensitive to such issues)
Thanks for your polite response. Best, Lex.
also kinda added some not fluff to this vapid fluff piece haha sorry ilu all this article is hilar!!
also whoops the first don’t in my comment is not supposed to be there my comment doesn’t make sense otherwise. <3
I might be mistaken, but I took it to mean that because they’re eating actual watermelon, they will obviously always spit out the seeds, so they don’t have to choose – as opposed to having to choose whether to spit or swallow semen. So not actually implying at all that lesbians never have to worry about that, but in fact the opposite (that they sometimes do).
Also, while the joke is arguably cissexist (assumes women with penises don’t exist), it’s not trans-misogynistic. Misogyny (and, by extension, trans-misogyny) is an expression of hate. Just as every act of sexism against women is not necessarily misogynistic, not every act of cissexism against trans women is necessarily trans-misogynistic.
Failing to explicitly include us and expressing outright hatred towards trans women are not the same thing.
**btw- I did find Chandra’s interpretation of the joke to be interesting, although I doubt that was the actual intention of the joke.
In the long run, I wonder if maybe it’s more productive for us to offer our own jokes that are explicitly trans women-inclusive with this kinda thing (so as to offer something positive rather than just be critiquing)… that having been said, I stared at that pic for a while and couldn’t come up with anything.
(ok, I came up with something, down thread!)
thanks for your response! <3
didn't mean to get derailey
Hey ya’ll. Thanks for educating me. I love all people of different expressions and identities and hope that nothing that ever comes out of my mouth is ever taken as an expression of hatred towards the trans* community. I look forward to hearing all your jokes. After all– laughter is what keeps us all sane.
:D :D :D made my day! Or, well, night! (GMT+1) ;) Amazing comments! But seriously, GIRAFFE???? :D :D :D
Clearly a clerical Error, as the homo-activity is mostly males http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals#Giraffes
I knew that picture looked wrong for some reason! Now I know why!
there seems to be a lot of twincest going on in this series
Yeah, I was gonna say!
you read my mind!
number 11 freaked me out
I’m glad someone said something… freaky!!
The exercise balls… what the serious fuck? I am laughing so hard at these captions
Apart from being ridiculous and trying too hard to appeal to men, these are all so white wow
“Ok, see, I was kinda hoping you would eat the other part of the watermelon…over here…where my crotch is.”
sometimes I have a hard time matching my own underwear how do you expect me to ALSO MATCH IT TO SOMEONE ELSE’S??
with my underwear
“Vagisil: Your #1 cure for sandy crotch melonitis.”
That Ambien nun is my favorite!
“I been drinkin’ watermelon” -Beyoncé.
I KNEW IT BEYONCÉ. I KNEW IT!!
DAMN YOUUU! I was coming here to say the same thing! :p
caption for the last photo:
“Typically I don’t like my ladies with seeds, but this is some juicy yum yum!”
I’ve been meaning to write an erotic romance about nuns. Thank you for cutting the search for possible cover art down by half.
RW – Oh please tell me you’re serious. Would love to read it!
“I just love it when my boo takes a nice juicy slice of my watermelon. It makes me feel that much closer to her, especially when our matching headscarves do not suffice xoxo”
#19 and 20 killlled me. Killed. I can just imagine a group of ignorant people sitting around a table: “Lesbians generally wear matching shades of blue and cover their eyes with the hem of their skirts, right? Yes? Ok. Let’s do that then.”
Why do so many of them look like twins?!
“Johanna and Katniss stayed perfectly still so as to blend in with the rest of the presents under Ellen Page’s Christmas tree.”
This sentence actually made my life.
“Well, this is awkward. We’re wearing the same outfit again.”
!!!
That’s not even a seedless watermelon.
If it’s going to be about lesbians there should at least be no seed involved. Come on, shutterstock.
“Babe, you were SO right! Whole Foods watermelons really ARE better than Green’s Produce’s!”
I think this is my favorite caption. Kudos to you, friend.
“Tastes so much better than flavored dental dams, and just as effective!”
Queen B said it best:I BEEEN DRANKING WATERMEEEEEEEEEEEEELON
#14 totally gives me such a great idea for my girlfriend and I
The women in No 2 look like they are serious about the subject of Lesbianing, the rest are all reality show wannabes with a “sexy man” as the prize for all their efforts.
Next.
I actually like the *first* no 16, because it is a poignant vignette about an impotent man discovering that “his lady”, is actually not “his lady”, as she has “her own lady”, and he is transforming into The Incredible Hulk of the 1990s. Dang.
I don’t mind swallowing her seeds at all. But I just hate it when she makes me spit out my scrambled eggs at brunch.
“you’re right, honey, this IS just like skype sex but better!”
“I just don’t think this whole watermelon will fit!”
“It’s okay babe, I’m carving a dildo-sized slice as we speak!”
“Get the shoe horns!”
“This isn’t what I thought you meant when you told me you liked my big melons.”
“Where’s my sandwich?! – Hahahaha!
“Babe, I know you want to reclaim ‘fruit’ as a slur, but couldn’t we have at least bought an organic prop?”
god awful porn meets surrealism
I know this has been said, but…11-13 all seem like twins. eesh.
just as a side note, saying that all women/lesbians are without seed (which, of course, is used as a euphemism for semen) is trans misogynist language/behavior. some women have vaginas, some do not. i know most of you know this, but it still matters even when we’re using euphemism.
The comments aren’t transmisogynistic they might might cis inclusive but they aren’t minimizing or belittling the trans community. Dont get so be so uptight and laugh a little we could all use it in our days
might be*
(my bad im typing while half asleep bear with me) The comments aren’t transmisogynistic they might be cis inclusive but they aren’t minimizing or belittling the trans community. Dont get so get uptight and laugh a little we could all use it in our days
Remind me again how equating sex to gender is not trans phobic and clearly transmysogynist here? I’m not trying to “ruin” anyone’s fun, but I won’t stand for some people being pushed out of the fun because some kids think that cisinclusive is a better path than woman inclusive on a site for queer women.
I have to admit that considering the basis for this website some comments were thoughtless but they were not hateful or purposely targeting the trans community
I didn’t even get what the seed reference was about! Oh gosh yeah, that’s bad. Esteisy Isabel, please don’t minimise the criticism because the point about transmisogyny is incredibly valid and it’s not ‘uptight’ to critique something with very real consequences.
Please don’t dismiss legitimate criticism by calling Quinn “uptight”.
The comments aren’t “cis inclusive,” they’re exclusive. She’s not ruining anyone’s fun, unless you’re unable to have fun without making those jokes. And honestly, the fact that those jokes ARE trans misogynistic probably ruined plenty of people’s fun, and I for one am really glad someone said something. Autostraddle, I expect better from y’all.
Perhaps 15 is g on g action?
That watermelon isn’t the only thing juicy.
Duck, tuck, and watermelon.
“Ha ha! Got your vagina!”
Of all the things to make me sign up after lurking for ages, it had to be a silly caption. Better make up for this.
success.
umm where is that gif from?! UnREAL! It’s like an exact reenactment of high school gym class.
I did some Google detective work and it looks like it’s from some recent Danish game of handball.
Oh, and I found two more, bigger gifs.
The gift idea is great for Christmas lol or maybe my gf just needs a new way to see me naked lmao
Ok, in response to the conversation up-thread, this is my attempt at a(n) (explicitly) trans woman-inclusive caption:
“Honey, don’t just walk off with the watermelon… you know I want a taste of banana while we’re at it.”
Love this one!
Don’t know about you guys, but no. 24 basically *IS* my sex life.
Caption:
![]()
“Just because you like something doesn’t mean you have to dress like it!”
This explains a lot about lesbian sex as shown on various TV shows – clearly the writers Google-image ‘lesbian sex’ and get a load of pictures of mostly-/fully-clothed ladies who are lying next to each other in a static fashion. Mystery solved!
“Fruit of the loom ain’t got nothing on this”
More like “fruit of my womb?”
Nope, I take it back. That was terrible.
Why are the women in some of this pictures so similar to each other? It creeps me out.
“YOU BRING MY VAGINA SLICE BACK RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY”
Regarding the twincest, the obvious answer is that straight people see gayness as an exercise in homogeneity, since people wrongly believe every member of one gender are all the same. Thus, “same-sex” = “same people” = “implied twincest”.
Plus some dude photographers are really into twincest and male-gaze lesbianism. These two facts are probably related.
i actually had to look closer at some of the twin pics to make sure they weren’t one woman groping herself in the mirror
Honey i was just kidding, you can have the bigger piece of my watermelon .
AHAHAHAHA these captions!!! I’m in tears!
Ok I was googling both Yankee candles and bodysuits directly before reading this post. What does that mean? lol Also might I add that googling bodysuits was fun! yeah! and caption for the watermelon ladies “Hey hun yeah let’s make some good old fashioned candles out of these watermelons!”
These pictures look like a sleepover gone wrong, in a “skins” way, with Emily & Katy instead of Emily & Naomi being their sexy selves with each other… with sexier nighties
as for the caption, I’d say: I kind of understand the fact that you’re eating the watermelon naked to not mess your clothes,but why do I have to sit naked on this hot itching like a b**** sand keeping the watermelon for you while you don’t even care to share?
On the subject of the influx of twincest in these photos, I’ll just leave this beautiful, albeit disturbing, Tumblr here:
http://boyfriendtwin.tumblr.com/
Well, I really enjoyed that boyfriend twin tumblr much more than I thought I would, thanks!
I didn’t know I needed this article until now, made me laugh so much.
Why do so many of them look like they are twins!? Especially 7,9,11,13,19
It’s disturbing :s
“I thought we became lesbians so we wouldn’t have to deal with spitting and swallowing!”
I don’t understand why *all* of these random photoshoots feature the same woman. She is the most prolific unheard of soft porn actress I’ve ever seen. She looks a bit different in photo #7, though. Her blonde highlights change her face shape so much!
Omnomnom
Smells like fish, tastes like watermelon.
Esteisy Isabel and Emily Leticia are spot on and you can’t compete with Beyoncé, except with Beyoncé herself.
“I can’t wait till I get home so you can tear that cherry out.”
As a photographer myself I’m not really surprised. Stock photography is (in my opinion) a shit-loaded crap concept that will never end to fail. I hope you girls don’t get offended by this…
Mmm… melonie…
I’m in tears right now. These captions are FANTASTIC.
The giraffes are obviously the Bering & Wells fandom slowly expanding their grasp to overtake the rest of the internet. Jo Bless.
Am Kelvin. Am looking for a serious relationship. Contact me on +2348183954368
Your really just going to sit there and eat MY melon while the seagulls take off while our suits!?!
This is the exact reason why it takes me a few weeks to come up with a cover for my books. It’s so frustrating! Either the pictures are miscategorized (the giraffes lol) or they are just really horrible pictures.
I thought the term was to pop her cherry, not eat her watermelon
” oh babe, that is sexy an all.” But not quite what I meant when I said ” lick my melons and eat my fruit”
Do you want a slice of my twatamelon?
“You can call me Gallagher because I am gonna smash it.”
Oh my god, you quoted The Craft on the tenth one. I’m so happy
Of all the things to eat on this beach, you picked watermelon? Wow, babe…
Watermellon Caption:
“Hey, baby, where would you like me to spit the pits”
Thanks for the laughs- and yeah, a lot of these women do look like twinsies.
hysterical!
I LOVE SEX LEBIAN GIRLS
Be happy too navigate ourr extensive record of humorous pictures in the archive by clicking
the numbered pages above.
nice sexy pictures.U got my cunt wet,juicy
I’m so glad we didn’t invite Gilligan,he would’ve ate the whole thing !
“How she got the savior to taste her forbidden fruit”