Look, sometimes you have to get back together with your ex! Not always, granted, and probably not every ex, but sometimes…it must be done. I know a lot of other things happened in this episode, but doesn’t the much-awaited Bette and Tina story feel like why we’re all here this week?
While Bette and Tina are having their own season finale, we’re also talking this week about Micah and Mari’s potential baby, Shane and Tess’s metaphorical baby (the bar), and whether we generally feel insecure in our own romantic relationships (not all of us!).
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+ Riese’s 301 recap (and her 302 recap for that matter!) went up at the perfect times, thank you very much!
+ Our prediction about Twitter hasn’t yet come true, but you can read a thoughtful essay from Niko about Twitter even still!
+ You can follow Autostraddle on tumblr.com, the social media that may outlive us all
+ Alice should send her pals Riese’s Jojo Siwa explainer
+ Alice’s date is part of the NXIVM cult, if you missed the references
+ Imagine Me & You is on the top 200 queer movies list, and I still haven’t seen it, cancel me!
+ I’ve never watched one episode of Glee, but here’s Riese’s recap of the Quinn car crash
Drew: Hi, I’m Drew.
Analyssa: And I’m Analyssa.
Riese: And I am Riese.
Drew: And this is To L And Back: Generation Q Edition.
Riese: To L And Back: Generation Q Edition.
Analyssa: Oh, that was beautiful.
Drew: That was incredible.
Riese: That was gorgeous.
Analyssa: You’d never know we didn’t know how to do that two seconds ago.
Riese: Yeah. That was our fourth take.
Drew: Editing is amazing. Shout-out Lauren.
Riese: Well, guys.
Drew: We’re here.
Riese: We’re here and we’re recording ahead of time, very far ahead of time. And today is Thursday, November 17th, and The L Word dropped their first episode today, a day early, and I am in a full panic because my recap is not ready.
Drew: I’m very sorry about that.
Riese: So that’s just where I am.
Analyssa: When people in the Autostraddle Slack started talking about the episode today, I was like, “But we haven’t even gotten the first cut of the podcast yet.”
Riese: Everything’s moving too fast!
Analyssa: I suddenly became that blonde lady with the math over her face. Like, “Wait, what do I have to do between now and whenever everybody sees it?” Anyway.
Drew: I have enjoyed following people’s tweets already. I feel like there’s really two-
Riese: I haven’t gone on Twitter yet.
Drew: Oh, that’s brave. I think there are two camps of… There’s obviously so many camps of L Word fans, but right now it feels like there are two really strong ones. They’re the Bette-Tina people and they’re the Dani-Gigi people, and I think they are going to go to war.
Analyssa: Wow. I think this episode put me firmly in both camps. Is that weird?
Drew: Wait, supporting both of them?
Drew: Oh, cool, cool, cool.
Riese: I already supported both of them.
Analyssa: Well, we’ll talk about my opinion on that later. My Twitter has been overrun just by all the Taylor Swift discourse.
Riese: Oh yes. Yeah.
Analyssa: I haven’t even seen L Word tweets. I’m only seeing people planning an overthrow-
Riese: That’s my whole TikTok. Yeah.
Drew: By the time the second episode of Gen Q Season 3 comes out and this episode of the podcast comes out and you are listening to this, Ticketmaster will be destroyed by Swifties, Twitter will be destroyed by Elon Musk, and-
Riese: Everyone should follow autostraddle.tumblr.com. I’ll tell you what, I’ve gotten back into Tumblr.
Drew: I love Tumblr.
Riese: And, man, I fucking love Tumblr.
Drew: Do you know that the way I got my first piece at Autostraddle is I would just write stuff on Tumblr for 10 people.
Riese: Oh really?
Drew: And then, Heather Hogan tweeted out, “I’m looking for a trans person who has a take on Supergirl.” And I had just written like the essays that I write. Long form personal essay, criticism, 3000 words, and I just sent Heather a link my Tumblr and was like, “This isn’t professional but I’m not a professional, maybe I could be.” And Heather was like-
Riese: Oh, we hired people from Tumblrs all the time.
Drew: Yeah. It was great.
Riese: But obviously, our best achievement was that we took afterellen.tumblr.com and filled it up with pictures of shirtless men. And then, we got a letter eventually.
Riese: But it was no longer ours and our URL had been changed to afterellenfans.tumblr.com so that AfterEllen could have their own Tumblr. But for two years they did not claim it. We should’ve have taken thenewyorker.tumblr.com.
Drew: Oh yeah.
Riese: Anyway, so.
Drew: On that note, we want to get into the episode?
Riese: I’d love to get into the episode.
Riese: As much as I love Tumblr, I would love to get into this episode.
Drew: This is episode 302. It is directed by Katrelle N. Kindred, who directed last week’s episode, and it’s written by Julia Hannafin, who started as a writers assistant on Season 1, wrote on last season, was one of the writers on Love Shack, which as we said last season, one of the best episodes of the show, and now, here she is.
Analyssa: We love a career progression in writing.
Riese: I’m so happy for her.
Drew: Well, we start where we stopped last episode with Angie walking in on her moms doing a little kissing.
Analyssa: A lot of kissing, I feel like.
Drew: A lot of kissing.
Analyssa: I don’t know. I love that they’re like, “Should we do something about… Actually, no. Let’s just kiss.”
Drew: Oh yeah. It’s wild… First of all-
Analyssa: They’re like, “Our daughter has seen us kissing for the first time in her lifetime basically.” And then left crying. Also, maybe she seemed upset coming-
Riese: No, she’s at college now. She’s no longer their responsibility. They should bone. Bone now.
Analyssa: They’re like, “Actually, we have bigger things to worry about.”
Drew: It was so funny watching them try to recover. And then when she left, Tina saying she’s seen worse, killed me. I was dying. And then, yeah, there was fully a sex scene. We get a little sex scene.
Riese: Yeah, and I think it was great for everybody. I really wish that they would take their bras off but it’s fine.
Analyssa: I was like, “The bras stay on during sex.” I was really noting them.
Drew: I do think that there should be a way to cut around… I get not wanting nudity but I feel like let’s just-
Riese: Let’s cut around.
Drew: Yeah, let’s just do a lot of feet stuff. I don’t know.
Riese: Yeah. Lots of times, they’ll do it where they smash themselves together so much, the nipples get obscured by the other person’s boobs. You know what I mean?
Drew: I also-
Riese: I’m demonstrating this now with my hands. It doesn’t take much to smash my boobs.
Analyssa: It’s a good demonstration though.
Riese: Thank you. Yeah.
Analyssa: For me, it wouldn’t be an issue.
Drew: I think that maybe they’re just really into bras.
Riese: Bra play?
Drew: Maybe that’s a thing. Sometimes people are like, “No, keep it on. This is hotter to me when you have a little bit of a tease.”
Analyssa: I do want to say about the scene that Laurel Holloman’s face really does light up when she looks at Bette. Do you know what I mean?
Analyssa: Every time I see her look in the direction of Bette, I’m like, “Okay, I’m onboard.” She glows.
Drew: This is this about this whole episode but I felt like I was watching my moms kiss. I was happy for them but… And it’s not really an age thing because I’ve watched Bette have sex scenes over the past two years and it didn’t feel this way, there is something about their dynamic that does feel a little bit like, “This is sweet.” I’m happy for anyone who’s getting turned on and it could just be that I am significantly younger. Maybe I’m getting over some of my things and I’m getting to a healthier… whatever. But I just was watching this and being like, “I’m happy for those two. Good for them.”
Riese: Yeah. It’s wild to think though, if you really put yourself to the mindset of the story, that they’ve been having sex for how many years now? They met in ’96.
Drew: Lesbian sex was totally different in ’96.
Riese: Right. Yeah. It was.
Analyssa: It had only barely been invented.
Riese: Yeah. People were still just trying to scissor and not knowing what it meant. Just kidding. We know people were already boning full horse riding.
Drew: Yes. That was a joke. Just to clarify that. I’m aware that lesbian sex of all types has been happening for a long time.
Riese: I wasn’t having sex in 1996 because I had head gear.
Drew: I wasn’t having sex in 1996 because I was… How old was I?
Drew: Three? Four?
Analyssa: I was a toddler.
Riese: Oh, well, that’s cute for you guys. So, anyway, but also they’ve gotten back together so many times that I’m sure that they really probably love this. They must love the moment when you get back together with someone that you’ve had sex with more than anyone else in your life and you’re like, “Here we are again.”
Drew: You have experience… I’m sorry. I keep really calling you out on your life but I just don’t have this experience of ever hooking up with someone who I used to hook up with more than just break up sex. I’ve done that but I haven’t ever gotten back after more than a month or two.
Analyssa: I’m a humongous ex returner. I’ve returned to nearly every ex, and often with a pretty decent gap. And as Drew is referencing, the man that I’m dating currently, I dated last in college, which was five years ago.
Riese: He’s an editor and a book publisher.
Analyssa: And he also looks a lot like Donald Faison.
Riese: And yeah, he looks… He’s Donald… Yeah.
Analyssa: And he worked with The Aloce Show. Speaking from personal experience, I really actually like the moment of Bette being like, “It’s been a long time. I look different.” Because even I had that with Lewis and it’s only been five years since we last hooked up, or four, something like that and I was like, “Ah, this doesn’t all look the same as in college.” And so, they’ve had a much bigger gap. I don’t know. I thought it was very sweet.
Riese: I’m always like, “I’ve learned so many new things since we last met.”
Drew: I would love to have sex with someone who I had sex with before transitioning but there just weren’t that many of them because I really had two long relationships and two others, and I don’t think any of those four people… I don’t think it’s happening so-
Analyssa: Not worth it probably. Okay. Well, speaking of people who are extremely beautiful, Dani and Gigi are debriefing the Nat conversation. Basically, it sounds like Nat was like, “I want to spend more time with Dani before I put my opinion in.” And Dani is not taking this very well.
Riese: Yeah. I think she is just assuming it has something to do with, or feeling insecure about her relationship or that Gigi is still into Nat or something, when really, it’s completely reasonable.
Drew: It’s so reasonable. Gigi is so correct in this fight.
Analyssa: Although, I do think she could also take her tone down a little bit.
Drew: Oh yeah.
Analyssa: Both of them, I was like, “Okay, you guys are actually both right so if you could just relax a little bit.” But-
Riese: Also, Gigi had her shirt partially unbuttoned.
Analyssa: Which would’ve softened me up in any argument. I was like-
Riese: Yeah. I would’ve been like, “Yeah, I’ll have sex with Nat.”
Analyssa: Anything you need. Nat needs me to bring her takeout for a week? Sure. I’ll do it.
Riese: Yeah. Does she need me to wax her eyebrows? I don’t know how but I’ll do it. I can barely pluck my own.
Drew: Gigi could’ve… We didn’t get to see the immediate response, but she could’ve been like, “Nat just wants to get to know you.” But could’ve framed it as a positive of like, “Nat is really excited for us and just wants to get to know you better first because it is our kids living with you too and that is a big…” I don’t know if that’s… Gigi is not always the best at doing things, but the way that she said Daniela was-
Riese: Arousing. Yeah. Yeah.
Drew: Oh baby.
Analyssa: Although the me in me, if I were in that fight, I would be fuming. My temper would have skyrocketed. And then, I think like so many things in The L Word actually come down to people being like, “I want to be the number one slot in your life.”
Riese: Is it about finding the one or about being number one?
Analyssa: So true, Riese. Really good tie in.
Riese: Thank you.
Analyssa: And I just think that’s really not realistic in life.
Analyssa: And obviously, they’re not real live people but I’m-
Riese: Yes, they are.
Analyssa: Right. But I’m like, “Dani, babe, it’s okay.”
Analyssa: Nat is going to rank sometimes higher because she’s the co-parent.
Drew: Yeah. I’m happy… It’s really satisfying when… This happened a couple times this episode where I was like, “But but but but…”
Riese: And then later-
Drew: And another character was like, “But.” And I was like, “Yes. Thank you.”
Drew: Whew. It’s like I’m talking through the TV. How incredible.
Analyssa: Speaking of kids, Tess has this idea that the bar is going to be-
Drew: Right, right, right. And so, Tess is kissing all over Shane and being like, “Can I convince you to get the second bar?”
Riese: I was so annoyed.
Drew: So intense about it.
Analyssa: I was so annoyed.
Drew: Also Tess got a call about… From a realtor? I was like, “Why are you moving forward already?”
Riese: Already doing an inspection?
Analyssa: An inspector is coming. That’s so serious.
Riese: That’s so far into the process of-
Drew: I don’t know enough about real estate.
Riese: When you’re ready to make an offer, you get an inspector to come to make sure that everything is cool. Or in my case, they come and they say everything’s cool but because it’s winter and the ground is frozen over, they don’t go under the house, then you find out a year later that you bought a house on a sinkhole. But in general, I think this inspector, at this time in LA, which is temperate year round, would be able to go in and say, “This is not on a sinkhole.” Or, “This isn’t a sinkhole.”
Analyssa: I think that’s actually inspector number one kind of-
Riese: Exactly. Inspector Gadget.
Drew: Speaking of homes not built on good foundation-
Drew: Thank you. We go to Sophie, Finley, Micah where Finley is setting up Pictionary and Sophie tells Finley that Maribel hates her.
Analyssa: Which is a really strong start to this conversation-
Riese: I would like to say the game night, the sober person wanting to have a game night representation, I felt was really, really resonant for me. When I dated my first sober person, the best part was game nights.
Drew: I love game nights.
Riese: So many game nights.
Analyssa: Let’s do a structured activity where none of us actually have to get boozy actually. That would be great. I really love the enthusiasm too of being like, “I built this easel.”
Riese: Yeah. I think that’s so cute.
Analyssa: It’s for Pictionary.
Riese: Yeah. Finley is basically like, “If she talks to me and gets to know me, she’ll like me.” Which I don’t think is true.
Drew: I don’t think it’s true but that is correct. It is correct that the only way to move forward is to try to spend some time together, reach a certain… I do agree with that.
Analyssa: Finley coming back home and also coming back so strong with her little Finley-ism. She says show show and easel-her-in, in the span of 35 seconds, and I was like, “Okay. She’s back. She’s here.”
Riese: Anyway, surprise. She heard the whole thing.
Analyssa: Oh yeah.
Drew: Yeah. Doesn’t want to do it.
Analyssa: Mari lives here which I found out in this episode but peaks out from behind the curtain and is like, “Heard all that. Don’t want to hang.” She also says that Finley just gives her a headache, which I thought was really funny. There’s a couple different issues. She finds her annoying, she finds her toxic, she doesn’t like her. They’re all in the stew.
Riese: She ruined the wedding.
Analyssa: She ruined the wedding.
Riese: Which is a lie. She peed in the hallway.
Drew: Not a lie.
Riese: Not a lie.
Analyssa: That actually did happen.
Riese: But it wasn’t her hallway.
Drew: That’s true.
Riese: That’s Dani’s cross to bear.
Drew: That’s true. Speaking of couples that are getting back together, Alice and Shane are talking about the drama of Bette and Tina, and then Bette and Tina walk in holding hands.
Analyssa: I loved Alice talking about the group text dynamics that are at play. She’s… Literally, every episode convinces me a little bit more that I’m very like Alice.
Drew: Uh huh.
Analyssa: I wrote, “She’s so me.”
Riese: Yeah. This was cute.
Analyssa: This was cute and Shane also reveals that she knows about Jordi. There’s just a lot of, “This is a very close knit family.”
Riese: The Planet vibes.
Analyssa: Big The Planet vibes.
Riese: It did make me think they really should have Finley working daytime at Dana’s instead of at nighttime. You know what I mean? Why don’t they have her working days?
Drew: Yeah. It’s more of a coffee house vibe. At least that’s how it is at Semi-Tropic.
Riese: Yeah, because they serve food during the day.
Drew: That’s what it is.
Riese: Yeah, yeah. They’ll give you hummus.
Analyssa: And Semi-Tropic is the LA bar that is Dana’s set if anybody…
Drew: Yeah. When I lived in Echo Park, I would sometimes go there to hang out in the day.
Analyssa: That’s fun.
Drew: Yeah, it was fun.
Analyssa: Oh my God, look at you, doing fun stuff during the day. Also, Leisha Hailey looks really hot this season.
Riese: Yeah. She really does.
Analyssa: I didn’t shout out her boobs in the last season because I felt a little lecherous but good job to her.
Riese: Yeah. I think she’s still doing a great job. Her hair looks fantastic.
Analyssa: And they continue to style her, I think, really well even when it’s a silly outfit. I’m like, “Yeah. Go off.”
Riese: Yeah. I like that they’ve leaned more into “menswear” for her. I think that’s been really fun. But anyway, so then they sit down with Bette and Tina to have a meal or to just talk.
Drew: They’re just talking.
Analyssa: They’re hanging at The Planet.
Drew: The one important thing is that Ivy texts Shane.
Riese: Oh right.
Analyssa: Oh and Alice is taking a date to the Marcus Allenwood gallery opening.
Drew: An age appropriate actress, which he’s very proud of, and then Shane is like, “Be careful of actresses.” Which I take offense to as someone who pretty much exclusively has dated actresses.
Analyssa: I actually stand by Shane as someone who has also pretty much exclusively dated actresses and actors. I really loved Alice saying this call might be JoJo Siwa’s people. And Shane and Bette and Tina could learn about who JoJo Siwa is if they read autostraddle.com and Riese’s intrepid reporting.
Riese: Yeah. Exactly. I, too, did not know who this person was. And then she came out and then I had to find out. And now I know so much about her but I also feel like… Why did Angie have to learn about JoJo Siwa?
Drew: Yeah. It definitely… But also how engaged is Angie…
Riese: Because I feel like the people who know who JoJo Siwa is are children and parents.
Analyssa: But do you think Angie would’ve been wearing the JoJo Siwa bow?
Drew: No, she’s a little too cool.
Riese: No, I don’t think Angie would’ve been into JoJo Siwa also but I just feel like she might’ve existed in the-
Riese: But I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent to a child who’s now 18.
Drew: Who would Angie’s… Who do we think her pop star favorite would be?
Riese: Janelle Monáe.
Analyssa: Oh, that’s a good call. Instant pull.
Drew: Finley being Finley, not off to a great start.
Riese: Congrats on what?
Analyssa: She jumps in so fast.
Riese: Even if Micah had already said, “Let’s do it.” Still, congrats on what?
Analyssa: Yeah. The decision? It’s not-
Analyssa: It’s very odd.
Riese: No baby has been made yet.
Analyssa: And then pushes on the biology stuff which simply-
Riese: Yeah. “Oh, you’re both so cute. Who will it be? Oh God.” It’s a classic Finley fumble but it’s also such a bad fumble.
Drew: Yeah. It’s real bad.
Riese: It starts out bad and then it just continues to get worse.
Drew: Also, Sophie should have… If she told Finley, “Don’t talk about this.” And also Maribel should have been like, “Don’t tell anyone…” There’s so many levels here. This shouldn’t have gotten to… Finley can’t be trusted with… If you’re going to date Finley, if you’re going to be around Finley, you have to have a certain level of knowledge.
Riese: Yeah. Right.
Analyssa: Also I do feel like when you are the secret keeper for someone, you get one additional person to tell.
Analyssa: But, like you’re saying, Drew, there is protocol. You say, “I’m not telling anybody else this, and actually, Mari would kill me if she knew I told you so stop here.”
Riese: Yeah. That’s what I have to do with Gretchen because she loves to say the thing that will be most exciting for everyone to hear. So, I have to be like, “You can’t say this.”
Analyssa: This is actually just for us.
Riese: Yeah. This is just for us. But she would not say this because I don’t-
Analyssa: This is-
Riese: This is insane.
Analyssa: This is a wild thing to even start with. I can’t decide. I go back and forth on whether I like Finley’s little asides that are like, “I’ll just go fuck myself, I guess.” Or like in the first moment she was coming in she was like, “Wow, what a warm welcome.” When nobody said hello to her really quickly. And I sometimes get a chuckle out of them and sometimes I roll my eyes.
Analyssa: Did you have something about her communication?
Drew: I don’t know. The next scene is when Bette says to Dani, “You’re wrong and you need to… Gigi prioritizing her children is prioritizing her children, not prioritizing Nat, and you’re going to be a parent if you want to live with her. So, is that something you want?” It was just very new Bette, mature, thoughtful, good advice, adult, and I did like the return of the Bette-Dani mentor-mentee dynamic. This was very fun.
Analyssa: Oh yeah. Remember when we thought they might kiss?
Drew: We sure did think that.
Riese: Oh god, I wish they had kissed before all of this happened. Do you know what I mean? Because now, I feel like Bette and Tina, that’s set. Do you know what I mean?
Analyssa: And Dani and Gigi, I’m like, “It would be so wild for…” Because even when Dani asks Bette about this or brings it up, she’s like, “Can I talk to you about Gigi? Isn’t this tricky?”
Drew: I forgot they were together.
Riese: And I love this representation of when you ask someone for help and they give it to you and then you completely change immediately. I do that all the time.
Drew: Yeah. Same.
Riese: I’m like, “Well, I was going to do this but then someone who knows slightly more about this topic than I do told me I was wrong and now I’ve decided to change my entire attitude about it.”
Drew: I love that. It’s also why I do think, in a relationship, sometimes it helps to not act on your emotions immediately, because sometimes you talk to your buds and you’re like, “I’m having this feeling.” And your buds can go, “You’re wrong.” And then you go, “Hmm. Okay.” And then you process the feeling and then you can return to the conversation in a better way. And I think people really struggle with that.
Analyssa: Yeah. Not me. I’m always right but-
Riese: That’s so nice.
Analyssa: Yeah. It’s really actually really fun. The other thing, just because it comes back later, is that Dani’s doing a really good job at work but wants Bette to do this Vogue interview about the gallery.
Riese: Which she should, right?
Analyssa: She should.
Riese: Who doesn’t want to be in Vogue?
Riese: I was interviewed for an article about Shane that was in Vogue.
Analyssa: That’s fun.
Drew: I was on-
Analyssa: Drew was-
Drew: Yeah. Christina and I, for Wait, Is This a Date? were on the website for Vogue.
Analyssa: Wow. I have never been on Vogue.
Riese: Oh yeah. I think Shane was on their website doing all of them.
Drew: Shout-out Emma Specter who was-
Riese: Yeah. It’s the same writer who gets all of us in Vogue.
Analyssa: Okay. Well, I’m available to be in Vogue. One time I was in The Kansas City Star which was my hometown newspaper, that’s cool.
Riese: That’s similar. That’s similar to Vogue. They have a similar presence at Fashion Week.
Drew: Speaking of pictures, let’s go to Pictionary.
Analyssa: Oh that was really good. Mine was inappropriate conversations at inappropriate times because Dani is asking Bette about this at work.
Drew: There always has to be an event and there always has to be inappropriate conversations at the event. That’s the Gen Q way.
Riese: Yeah. Well, when else do you see your friends?
Analyssa: So true.
Riese: Well, I guess-
Drew: Recording a podcast.
Riese: Recording a podcast. The point is that Sophie and Finley are doing great.
Analyssa: They’re crushing.
Riese: At Pictionary. And Micah and Maribel are in a fight.
Drew: My favorite part of this fight, which just felt… No offense to the show but there aren’t a ton of times where I go, “This feels very recognizably trans to me.” But the back and forth of-
Riese: When Micah is like, “Why didn’t you ask me?”
Drew: Yeah. “Do you ever think that I might want to carry? Do you?” No.” I feel like I’ve watched friends have that exact exchange and it’s just so funny where it’s, “Don’t make assumptions about my relationship to my body and my gender.” and it’s like, “Well…” And they’re like, “Your assumption was correct but still, don’t make it.”
Analyssa: But don’t. Yeah. Exactly. It was so funny. Does Micah have any siblings?
Riese: Oh, I don’t know.
Drew: I know Micah has a mom that he doesn’t really get along with, and I know that Micah is trans and I know that he is-
Analyssa: The proud owner of that mermaid painting.
Drew: Uh huh.
Riese: Oh my god. The mermaid painting.
Analyssa: Probably. Oh, I also liked when he was like, “Have I mentioned that I’m 28?” Or something, and she’s like, “Yeah. You’ve said that a few times.”
Drew: How old is she?
Analyssa: I think she’s a few years older than them, right?
Analyssa: And I honestly think-
Riese: In the early 30s.
Analyssa: I honestly think Micah is a couple years younger than Sophie and Dani. Not by much but just a little bit.
Drew: 28 is my age. I’m almost 29.
Analyssa: I had the thought of that scene from Broad City where Ilana is-
Riese: Child bride.
Riese: Yeah. What am I? A child bride?
Riese: I think that two years ago I would’ve been like, “Wow, this is really early.” But now that I’ve entered this experience myself of attempting to get pregnant as a person over 40, I think everyone, if you’re 28 and you’re ready to start a family, just do it. Do it.
Riese: Yeah. If you’re 25, do it. Just do it. Because the older you get it is going to get more impossible and so, so expensive, and you cannot afford it. Just do it. Do it now. That’s my advice.
Drew: You’re going to create some lives here on To L And Back. Someone is driving listening to this and is just-
Riese: Make your relationship move a lot faster.
Analyssa: Yeah. There are calls going out all across this great nation.
Riese: Yeah, sorry, in advance, I want to apologize if this advice ruins anybody’s life.
Analyssa: Speaking of the fertility process…
Drew: Speaking of the fertility process, there’s a-
Analyssa: The circle of life.
Drew: There’s a Marcus Allenwood retrospective. This is only episode two, so I remain hopeful, but I really hope that all of Angie’s scenes aren’t in adult world. I really want her to be at college. I really want to take time-
Riese: She is. She will be.
Drew: Cool. I love having you here. I thought she was killing it in the suit.
Riese: Yeah, she looks great.
Analyssa: And I love seeing her with her sister again. They’re fun, again, sort of what you’re saying, it’s fun to see her with kids her age and being a teen.
Drew: And she says that she’s could be in her hoe phase. It was the cutest… I just was like, “Aw, sure. Yeah.”
Riese: Yeah. It’s cute that she bounced back so fast. Which I think is really a thing that speaks to the fact that she’s young.
Analyssa: So true.
Riese: And she’s like, “Wow, I have a lot of time.”
Analyssa: And is like, “It was my first day of college. It’s time to be out in the world.”
Riese: Yeah. Is this when we meet Alice’s date?
Analyssa: Yeah. So then Alice’s date also arrives. We’re in event time.
Riese: Yeah. Right.
Analyssa: Alice’s date shows up. She says that one of her hobbies is playing volleyball in a super exclusive league, which already had really bad vibes to me.
Riese: Which if, have you guys seen the NXVIM documentary…
Drew: I have not.
Analyssa: I have not.
Riese: Okay. So, that’s part of the cult. They play… Which at first you think, especially if you’re not watching the TV or just listening to it while doing other things around the house, you think that it’s a metaphor or something. But no, they literally have volleyball games all the time.
Analyssa: I thought that this actress character in the show was saying, “I play exclusive volleyball games.” Meaning, “We do weird sex stuff.” That’s really what I thought.
Riese: Right. No, it’s volleyball.
Riese: Yeah. As part of NXVIM… Because I didn’t think they were literally going to be doing NXIVM, but they… Yeah. And she’s like, “My mentor is in jail.” When Keith Raniere is in jail.
Drew: Right. My question is, is it a thing with that cult to put a lot of ice in your wine? Look, I get that people put ice in their wine. I get this whole thing. But she was like, “I’m going to go get more ice for my wine.” Which theoretically, there was ice in her wine, it melted and now she wants more. That was… I wrote, “Red flag. Bad vibes.” And then right afterwards, Shane goes, “Several red flags.” And I was like, “Yes. I love this episode.”
Analyssa: Shane is also feeling, as Alice calls it, itchy.
Riese: Yeah. She makes eyes with the cocktail waitress. I guess she’s feeling itchy probably because her girlfriend has just had the worst idea ever, which is to buy a bowling alley next to The Semi-Tropic to have lesbian bar number two.
Drew: Yeah. What does it say about me that I think I’m attracted to Shane for the first time? Shane on this season, I’m really feeling something there that I’ve never felt towards Shane.
Analyssa: Wow. We’d have to really get to the root of why you think that is before we could tell you what that means about you…
Drew: I wonder if it’s maybe that I’m dating someone who’s more masculine, in a Shane way, not in a… But I do wonder if that’s-
Analyssa: Interesting. Okay. You’re reversing into.
Drew: Yeah. Instead of doing the thing where you fall for the Shane… Not that Elise is at all like Shane in personality and energy, but just the gender presentation. And then instead I started more femme and have gone.
Analyssa: Yeah. I don’t know.
Drew: I’ve always liked tomboys though. I don’t know. But Shane, there’s… I don’t know. Shane is really doing it for me right now.
Analyssa: That’s fun.
Drew: Yeah. I hope she makes good choices or has sex with Kehlani if that’s considered a bad choice.
Analyssa: Either way.
Drew: But we go back to Pictionary, and Micah is very bad at it. And then we get into this argument about there’s a difference between talking to your sister versus talking to your friend. Which I would say that, as you were saying, you get one person, maybe two people who get to be your people. You have to always clarify, “This is the thing that I’m telling you, but you can’t tell anyone else.” And so yeah. Okay. But then Micah hasn’t told his mom, which would be fine theoretically, if he wasn’t going to propose the last episode. I was like, “Wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry.” He was going to propose. So, I was like, “Why did they have him going…”
It would’ve been interesting to me if last episode Micah was like, “I think Maribel is going to propose and I’m not ready. And I’m worried about that.” And then Micah being like, “I’m just not sure I want to get married yet.” Maribel was like, “I never want to get married. I want to have a kid.” And then that would’ve been, oh, so we’re setting up the foundation of Micah is 28, he feels young, whatever. But he was going to propose. He was going to propose before his mom knew that he was in the relationship and that didn’t bother him. But having a kid… That’s where I’m like…
Riese: I don’t think he is.
Drew: Oh, so the mom part doesn’t matter?
Riese: I think he’s just throwing things out there.
Drew: Right. Okay. That makes sense.
Riese: Just saying whatever because he’s freak panicking and he’s like, “Well, I haven’t even told my mom yet.” Which probably he already knew was a problem with the proposal.
Analyssa: He also has to throw out all this stuff because they’re losing at Pictionary so bad.
Riese: Right. So bad. And Sophie and Finley are bonding. They’ve never been more in love. They’re being really cute. They’re having a nice sober evening together and they’re just losing.
Analyssa: And yeah, the reason that Micah and Mari are losing is because the communication is bad already. You know what I mean?
Analyssa: It’s a metaphor.
Drew: Yeah. It is a metaphor. Speaking of games, Bette and Tina do a little role play of their first meeting and it’s…
Analyssa: Did The L Word historians know from the first line that that’s what they were doing?
Analyssa: That’s what I figured.
Riese: I didn’t until a couple in, I was like, “Oh.” I wrote, “Oh, they’re doing a weird role play.” And then they started doing the earring thing and I was like, “Oh right. It’s that.”
Drew: Yeah. Do we have anything to say about this?
Riese: That was cute for them.
Analyssa: Yeah. And there’s just nothing these two love more than looking at each other and looking at a piece of art. You know what I mean?
Analyssa: They just like to look up. I wish the listeners could see my face, ’cause I think I’m doing a really good-
Drew: Yeah, I think you are. Yeah.
Riese: Yeah. You looked like you were looking at God.
Analyssa: Dani gazes upon Bette and Tina looking in love and she remembers that she’s in love with Gigi.
Analyssa: That’s the power of-
Riese: And I remember that I am in love with Gigi also.
Analyssa: That’s the power of Bette and Tina’s love. It can remind other people that they too are in love.
Riese: Yeah. And also Bette has great hair. Gigi has great hair. So if you’re looking at Bette thinking about hair, then you’re going to think, I want Gigi’s hair on my body and they’re going to call her.
Analyssa: And then you’re going to apologize for how things have been going and ask her-
Riese: So that you will have relations with Nat.
Analyssa: If that’s what she wants.
Analyssa: And then you ask Gigi to come to the opening. The hair on these two people. Dani’s hair. She looks gorgeous at this event, by the way. We didn’t say that. But the little sweetheart neckline dress is very good. And her hair is really good.
Riese: Yeah. Everyone is looking great this evening, I think. I don’t think I had any complaints.
Drew: Tina and Bette are talking to Angie and being like, “This is real. We are going to…” Whatever. And Angie is like, “I’m an adult. It’s cool.”
Analyssa: I like that at first, Angie is a surly teen about it. She’s like, “Whatever. I know. It’s fine.” And then by the end, she’s like, “Actually, I’m very adult and mature.” I liked that.
Drew: And then some guy chats her up.
Analyssa: Oh yeah. And makes a joke about Bette, which is very funny to me.
Analyssa: It’s just the one thing you can step in at this event.
Analyssa: You could’ve talked about anything else.
Riese: Yeah. Also, I’m confused about his entire deal and his friends’ entire deal. Is he an art thief?
Analyssa: Do they go to all the gallery openings? I hope so.
Drew: I think that… This is my theory. I think that they-
Riese: They’re sneaker heads.
Drew: What? No.
Riese: No. Okay.
Drew: That his friend is into art and so goes to these things and is trying to get his art shown, and so he needs to talk to gallery owners. Meanwhile, he goes with him because they are also hooking up, but they have an open situation.
Riese: Wow. Interesting.
Drew: And so, he’s off looking for other people. His friend and lover also only needs art. Only needs him and art.
Analyssa: If there’s one thing we can do, it’s assign a really good backstory to a one day guest player on The L Word.
Riese: Yeah. Oh this man will be back.
Analyssa: Fun. Back at the other gathering of friends elsewhere.
Drew: Finley, Finley, Finley.
Analyssa: Micah and Sophie clear out in a way that simply I would not if I were at this event. If I were Sophie, I’d be like, “I think I’m just going to sit in this room the whole night. Thanks.”
Riese: Yeah. I would sit there and just… I would be like in Veep the way that Gary just stands behind and is just whispering. And that’s what I would be doing all night to Finley.
Analyssa: Finley tries to mediate the fight between Micah and Maribel. But honestly, just from a… Not a script writing dialogue level, but from Finley trying to talk to another person, I was like, “What is she trying to say even?”
Riese: She was trying to say, “I’m not close to my mom. So, I might not tell my mom things that maybe Micah doesn’t tell his mom things.” But also I don’t think him not telling his mom is really the issue here.
Drew: Mind your business.
Analyssa: Yeah. Right. Yeah. She’s jumped so many levels into the fight instead of just being like, “Hey, whoa.” Me, personally, I would’ve been like, “Weird night. Are you…” Whatever.
Riese: Yeah. How are you feeling? Whatever. You’re right. I think what people like Finley, it’s incredible to have that type of social confidence that whatever the situation, you’re going to charm them.
Riese: But she’s not correct about that. She’s not always going to charm.
Drew: No. She should have taken this moment alone with Maribel to be like, “I get why you don’t like me. And I’m not going to argue with that. I just hope that the more time we spend together that…”
Riese: I can prove myself.
Analyssa: And this night seems really intense for you separately. Are you good? Do you want… Whatever you need, I can be out of your way, et cetera, et cetera, instead they go into a really weird-
Drew: Terrible. Which then leads to Maribel saying, in front of everyone, that she liked rainbow texter.
Analyssa: Yep. Yeah. She liked who Sophie was hooking up with while Finley was in rehab.
Drew: And then we cue some on the nose lyrics.
Analyssa: We didn’t talk about it because we can’t talk about every single time it happens, but when Tina and Bette kissed and the lyrics were like, “I feel the attraction.” I was like, “Yeah baby.” Boy, do they ever.
Drew: And then Sophie refers to them being the person that she hooked up with. And Finley says there were multiple and Sophie says no, the singular, which I have two things to say about this. One, this is the second time that there’s been a character who uses they/them pronouns who is off… Was just referenced but isn’t a character. And the second thing is, wouldn’t it be better if it was multiple people instead of one? In my opinion, if I’m taking a break with someone and I want to get back and it’s, oh they were hooking up with a bunch of other people, okay, that’s fine. If they were hooking up with one person consistently that whole time, I would be a little bit more… Okay. I hope… Whatever. So, that’s also interesting. Those are my two thoughts.
Riese: What I wanted them to do, what they didn’t do in this conversation was reference the Friends thing. That we are on a break. The Ross and Rachel thing. I was like, “That just feels like…” I don’t think anyone even in real life could talk about being on a break without bringing that up, do you know what I mean?
Drew: Where do you stand on that?
Riese: I think it was okay because they were on a break.
Drew: I think it was okay too.
Analyssa: I also think it was okay.
Drew: Which I hate to agree with Ross over Rachel but…
Analyssa: Yeah, far be it from me to say Ross was right ever.
Drew: But in that situation, he was right.
Analyssa: But he was right. But I do think-
Drew: Shoutout copy girl.. Oh, I hate how much I know that fucking show.
Analyssa: I do think that what this conversation does really well is at least note that even if it’s technically right and allowed, it can still hurt and there’s still stuff to talk about. And neither of them handle it well in the immediate aftermath because why would you? But I was like, “Oh, this is actually a pretty honest conversation to be like, “I know that you didn’t do anything wrong, but it still fucking hurt my feelings.”” And also, they didn’t even really talk about this, but finding out from your sister in front of our friends, I’m embarrassed. I’m like tender. I just…
Riese: Mari does like this person better.
Riese: And knows them.
Analyssa: Yeah. That is the thing, is they were around. It’s not like Sophie was just going off and hooking it… It doesn’t seem like just, “U up?” Texts. You know what I mean? It’s-
Drew: It’s a, “U up rainbow.” Text.
Analyssa: The rainbow is actually indicative of them being just a little more serious than a, “U up?” Text.
Drew: I do think that the only thing that Finley did wrong here is be like, “And you need to apologize for this.” I agree, being like, “You didn’t do anything wrong, but I am having feelings about this and I need a second.” Totally fair. Totally fair. It’s maybe the best that Finley has ever communicated about anything ever, and then just went a step too far.
Riese: Well, ’cause also she knows she can’t just go to the other room and drink.
Drew: So she calls Tess.
Riese: And Tess blows her off.
Analyssa: Is Tess Finley’s sponsor? Does Finley have a sponsor?
Riese: I’m very confused.
Analyssa: I’m so concerned for her.
Drew: I don’t know.
Riese: I think she needs a sponsor.
Drew: If Tess was her sponsor and Tess was going to an event and so couldn’t drop everything, what would a sponsor do in that situation? A good one?
Analyssa: It depends on the sponsor, but I do think they would say, “Try calling someone else.” And they also might say, “Text me your feelings.” Or, “Go…” They would offer a couple more, I think, tangible things, which either means there just wasn’t time for something like that, it’s a small detail, or Tess isn’t Finley’s sponsor, but Finley is using her as a defacto sponsor, which happens a lot when you get sober. You’re like, “Oh, that’s another sober person. I’m going to text or call them because they’re easy.” I’ve done that to people. I’ve had friends do that to me. And it’s great. But it’s not… If Finley is going the sponsor route, which not everyone does, and that’s also a viable option, then she needs a firm, a solid presence who would be like, “I’m stepping into this event. Let me call you back in 15 minutes once I’m there, have said hi and can step out for a second.” Or, “Do XYZ steps.”
Riese: Right. Yeah. I felt like Tess just… I don’t know. Even just as a friend, I felt like she blew her off a little in a way that was weird.
Drew: Yeah. But Tess isn’t getting blown off, because Shane says, “Let’s do it. Let’s open that second bar.” Which clearly is just in response to Alice being like, “You’re getting itchy.” Which is the terrible time to agree to… That’s not-
Riese: That’s what Shane always does.
Drew: Shane always does that.
Analyssa: Yeah. Shane is like, “Oh you think that I’m bad at committing? Let me double down and then-”
Riese: Yeah, let’s get an apartment.
Drew: And let’s get married.
Riese: Let’s get married.
Analyssa: Let’s get an apartment that I can bone someone else in.
Riese: I know. It’s only, we’re just five steps away from her fucking the realtor on the carpet.
Riese: Watch out. I hope the inspector isn’t hot Because…
Drew: Which of Shane’s exes do you wish had worked out?
Analyssa: I really was a Molly girl.
Drew: I was going to say Molly!
Analyssa: I was a Molly girl.
Drew: I really liked Molly.
Analyssa: Yeah. And I liked them together.
Drew: I really like their dynamic.
Riese: Well, you know who I’m going to say.
Riese: And I can say with confidence that almost every single person listening to this podcast will disagree with me.
Drew: That’s beautiful.
Riese: And yet I’m willing to stand up, stand alone, be brave, and be not the way that it played out in the show because they totally retconned Jenny that season. But the way that it played out in my head, which is important.
Analyssa: That is important.
Riese: Perhaps the most important, I’d liked her and Jenny to have made it work. I love Carmen, but I don’t know if Carmen and Shane were perfect together.
Drew: Right. That’s what I was feeling. I still would love to edit together a two hour movie version of season six and I think I could make it good.
Drew: I really think so.
Riese: Wow. God, that’s the kind of project I could really get lost in.
Drew: I wouldn’t do it because it would take me so much time, and I hardly have time for the things I need to do. But it would end with the scene where Shane and Jenny are kissing and at The Planet, and everyone is laughing at them. And that would be the end. And you’d have to do some things so you still get the dance. You can make it… I have an idea, but I’m not going to ever do this. So, you can just have to imagine it yourself.
Riese: Okay. I have. And I loved it.
Drew: Thank you.
Analyssa: It was amazing.
Analyssa: Rated it on Letterboxd.
Riese: I give it a Rotten Tomatoes…
Analyssa: Certified fresh.
Riese: Certified fresh. Yeah.
Drew: Speaking of original cast members, Bette is giving a little speech and it is nice, but it also-
Riese: I zoned out, I think.
Drew: It also is about… It’s a speech about Marcus Allenwood, and his wife and daughter and also Angie is there. There are people with deep connections to him, he’s recently died. He’s this great artist. It does become very much about Tina, but you know what? Bette is going to Bette.
Riese: And she talks about how his work was marginalized and wasn’t shown in this capacity before. It’s really sad.
Analyssa: Yeah. It’s a moving speech that then turns very personal to Bette actually instead of to Marcus. But it does hit for everybody listening, it seems like, they get a lot of reaction coverage and everyone seems to be affected by it.
Drew: And during it, Dani texts Gigi again, and I was like, “Babe, you need to…” Oh God, it’s very stressful. I don’t like when people…
Riese: But why hasn’t Gigi responded?
Drew: I don’t know. But maybe she’s driving in a car and you shouldn’t be distracting her. Maybe I can tell the future. But also, I just think that if you haven’t heard back, then it’s, okay then she hasn’t gotten into your voicemail. People who don’t… I don’t know.
Analyssa: We’ve struck a nerve with Drew.
Drew: Right. I just feel like it’s different when- Dani was wrong. Dani has owned up to the fact that they got into a fight this morning and she was wrong about it. So, if you call and leave a voicemail already, pretty intense and-
Riese: Yeah. No one leaves a voicemail.
Drew: No, send a voice memo. And…
Riese: Yeah. Send a telegram.
Riese: Send a singing bird.
Drew: Sure. I don’t know.
Riese: An owl.
Drew: It’s fine. I was just having a bad feeling, anyways.
Riese: I was like, “Why hasn’t Gigi responded?”
Drew: Okay. Well-
Analyssa: I didn’t clock any of this incredible. I was just like, “Okay, she’s trying to get in touch.”
Drew: Those are the three experiences. The actress, we learn that she is in fact…
Riese: Yeah, she tries to get Alice to sign up for one of their executive success seminars, which is again in NXVIM…
Drew: Do they exist still?
Riese: They still exist, but he’s in prison. So, that puts a stamp on things. But he still has some followers who are still into it. The worst character in all of Battlestar Galactica, Cally. Did you guys watch Battlestar?
Riese: Oh God, the agony of being the only one in the room who watched Battlestar. Anyway, that bitch is still into it.
Analyssa: There were a lot of apologies this episode.
Drew: Yeah, there were. Which I’m proud of our friends starting to apologize a little bit more.
Analyssa: I felt like this was a very grown up acting episode.
Analyssa: I enjoyed it.
Riese: Yeah. Angie is growing up. Everyone is growing up. It’s like a garden.
Analyssa: Yeah. Once the youngest person starts growing up, you’re like, “Oh, I guess maybe it’s time to get my life together.”
Riese: Yeah. But actually, I do think that this show is doing something interesting with figuring out that once you’re older, you could still suck and have room to improve.
Analyssa: So true.
Drew: So, Maribel is the one who’s apologizing and she’s like, “I don’t want to be pushy.” She does continue to be pushy. Micah is like, “I want to have a baby with you.” Which again, I don’t know, but…
Riese: I’m happy for them.
Drew: Me too.
Analyssa: Do it now. Let’s see where these crazy kids end up.
Drew: And then Sophie and Finley makeup as well. She leaves a little cute looking-
Riese: Oh yeah, that was cute.
Drew: …Note. And then…
Analyssa: I am very happy for them. It was very cute. However, Sophie gets into bed and wakes Finley up from sleep to have a reconciliation conversation. And the way that, that to me is grounds for immediate divorce. We’re not even married. Get out of my house.
Drew: No. Let’s get married so we can get divorced.
Analyssa: I’m sleeping. Let’s talk in the morning. Let’s have a cute little sleepy like, “Babe, that note was so cute. I love you. Let’s kiss.”
Drew: Yeah. What you do is you cuddle up and so then if they sort of wake up-
Riese: They are still awake a little bit.
Drew: And they’ll feel it and be like…
Analyssa: Sophie basically is like, “Hey, hey.” No. But they have a very sweet thing about how… I got a little emotional. Finley says, “Sometimes I don’t know what you see in me.” And I don’t know, that really got me. First of all, that spoke to a very special place in my deranged psyche. But also, Sophie is just really sweet about it. She’s like, “You’re my guy. That’s it. You make my heart beat fast.” And they just have a very cute-
Drew: It is cute.
Analyssa: I don’t know why it hit so hard for me, but it really did.
Riese: I think all of us feel that way sometimes, right? No?
Riese: About I don’t know what you see in me?
Drew: I never feel that.
Drew: It’s not that I think I’m so great. I just feel like if my partner has chosen to be with me, then… People who are all types of people will have people who fall in love with them. So, it’s not that I’m so great so that’s why my partner loves me. But I am just like, “If we’re going to be together, I have to trust that you love me.”
Analyssa: Okay. Riese and I are going to have a separate conversation.
Riese: I have just been burned so hard that I, at this point in my life, need a lot of reassurance.
Drew: I need that early. I have no faith that people… When I’m first dating someone or when I’m first have feelings for someone. When Elise and I were flirting for a year on the internet, I didn’t think that we were actually flirting. I was like, “I think she just wants to be friends.” I feel very insecure as far as whether someone actually is interested in me in a sexual relationship sort of way. Once I’m in a… Maybe we could say that Finley and Sophie aren’t really stable right now, but when I’m in a steady relationship, that’s when I feel most secure with the person.
Analyssa: Interesting. I think I’m completely the opposite.
Riese: Yeah. Same.
Analyssa: If I think even we are a little bit flirting, I’m like, “They’re fucking obsessed with me. I’m the absolute coolest person this person has ever met and they love me.” And then once we’re… This is actually something I’m talking to my therapist about, just so you guys know, but once we’re-
Riese: Good to know. I had therapy today, in case anyone is wondering.
Analyssa: Mine is on Mondays.
Drew: I can’t afford one anymore.
Analyssa: Once we’re in a relationship and you start seeing the real person, then I’m like, “Ooh, hope you still feel that way.” That’s how it feels to me. And I think that the Finley line for me hit especially hard because it’s post getting sober. And I didn’t have a partner when I got sober. I started dating Louis in February, which I’d been sober for a little over a year, which was critical to me. But I remember that even with my friends and talking about getting sober and just being a different… Feeling differently about myself and being like, “Ooh, I hope they still like this version.”
Riese: Want to hang.
Analyssa: Yeah. I think that is… I know why that line hit from me really hard.
Analyssa: Anyway, I love them. I hope they work out.
Riese: Yeah, me too. But I worry that they won’t because this is The L Word.
Analyssa: Because this is The L Word.
Drew: From reconciliation to drama. The new happiness of Bette and Tina is-
Riese: Immediately dashed.
Drew: Is immediately dashed because Bette is like, “Don’t leave.” And Tina is like, “Once again, you don’t support me having a career.” Which is both fair and also, okay but also this person who you’ve just had sex with for the first time in a decade is just being like, “I want you to stay.”
Analyssa: Right. They’ve been kissing for three days again, I can-
Riese: But I think it’s the years and years and years and years that some it’s triggering and immediately Tina is like, “Here we go again. You want me to stay.” ‘Cause also she can’t stay. Murdoch Mysteries waits for no man.
Analyssa: She has a hit Canadian television show to get back to. And the other thing that we see soon is, and from the first episode we even know, is she’s clearly gone through so much therapy and so much guided meditation kind of stuff. And she’s like, “I’m firm in my power and I’m actually going to call out bullshit when I feel it.” You know what I mean? And I think that’s-
Drew: No, I appreciate it. I did write down, “Jesus, how are we still doing?” Which is probably how Tina felt. And then Bette’s… Everyone. So, who is it? It’s Shane, Alice and Tess encourage Bette to chase after Tina, which let’s do it. We do it. It had such season finale energy, and it was episode two, and I was like, “Every episode’s a season finale. Let’s go. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”
Riese: Yeah. Well, I loved that she asked that… She was like, “Oh God, I did it.” She realized what she did right away and then she was like, “Oh my God, I have to be the one to go. I have to go to Canada.” Which Canada is wonderful. Drew goes there all the time.
Drew: I do.
Riese: It’s beautiful. Wow, I bet every part of Canada.
Drew: Because I have been… I’ve spent so much time in Toronto now, when Tina says to her Uber driver, “Take me to terminal one.” I was like, “You are not flying Southwest. Air Canada is terminal six. You are not flying.” The only possible airline that she could be taking, I think, from terminal one LAX to Toronto is Southwest. I’m sure this is thrilling for anyone who doesn’t live in LA. And I was like, “It’s terminal six.”
Riese: No, when she said terminal one, I was like, “No one goes there.”
Analyssa: Terminal one is just absolutely not correct. I fly Southwest back to Kansas City a lot. So, I know Terminal one.
Riese: The point is that Bette realizes that she should go. She needs to be the one to go with Tina. This is bad news for Vogue.
Drew: This is bad news for Vogue. It’s bad news for the dude who’s chatting up Angie because he’s once again chatting up Angie, and then Bette bursts out in chaos and is like, “I need my daughter to drive me recklessly through the city.” And then Angie kisses our nice man. A fun little thing. Love it.
Riese: Yeah. She’s impulsive.
Analyssa: We’re all making decisions.
Riese: Yeah, we’re all making choices. We’re all thriving. We’re all buying a second bar.
Drew: Driving, driving, driving. And I just was like, “Let this girl go back to college. You’re going to get into an accident.”
Riese: But this is so thrilling. This is like Imagine Me & You.
Drew: I know. It is very Imagine Me & You.
Analyssa: I haven’t seen that. It’s on my romcom project, everyone.
Drew: Okay. Okay.
Analyssa: Calm down.
Riese: I just got goosebumps for some reason, which I don’t think is the right reaction to something horrifying, but it happened.
Analyssa: My thing is, in what universe would you put an 18 year old behind the wheel of the car in a serious run? We’re going somewhere.
Drew: I would trust Shane.
Analyssa: Yes, Drew, maybe Shane, but also then I was like, “Oh, well maybe they were drinking and were doing something responsible.”
Riese: Wouldn’t that be wild?
Analyssa: And were doing something responsible. Tess is sober. Tess could drive.
Drew: Right. Tess could drive.
Riese: Oh yeah, Tess could drive. Right, but she’s high on life because she’s thinking about that second bar.
Drew: That’s a good point. That’s a really good point.
Riese: She’s thinking about Jenny’s.
Analyssa: But whatever, we’re having a teenager drive.
Drew: We’re doing a thing. So Tina is listening to a meditation app. That’s having Angie speed. Meanwhile, Gigi is texting Dani.
Riese: The minute they went to Gigi in her car, I was like, “That bitch is getting T-boned.”
Analyssa: Gigi singing in the car… This happened in season one when Dani and Sophie were driving to go look at wedding locations. I think I said on the pod, anytime a character is behind the wheel and they’re having a fun chat in the car and I can see through the windows that the camera is outside… No.
Drew: I’ve seen Glee.
Riese: Oh, yeah. Exactly. I was like, “We’ve all been here before. You’re going to Finn and Rachel’s wedding, you’re going to get T-boned.”
Analyssa: There’s a hundred Grey’s Anatomy episodes like this.
Analyssa: Every time.
Riese: There was something about the angle or it’s about… Is it about that she’s texting? But as soon as they got… Well, first of all, that is unnecessary. There’s no reason we need to see Gigi driving to the event and texting, right?
Analyssa: Because nothing is happening.
Riese: Nothing is happening.
Drew: So, we know that… Yeah.
Analyssa: I don’t know what it is, but there is something about… I think to me, it’s the singing, her being in the car and kind of vibing to the music. I was like, “Something bad is going to happen.”
Riese: Six Feet Under also, that’s a really good example of when you see the person in the car having good time and then they get T-boned.
Drew: Yes. I can’t think of a better metaphor for The L Word: Generation Q than Bette and Tina having a grand romantic gesture as new character, new beloved fan favorite character, Gigi, is murdered.
Riese: Murdered by a truck.
Analyssa: Driving to her doom.
Drew: I would like to clarify, I don’t think she’s actually dead because they wouldn’t do that because people would-
Analyssa: That would be crazy.
Drew: It would be an act of self-harm by Marja-Lewis Ryan. It would be truly the wildest thing ever. So, I don’t think that she’s dead. But it still felt very apt to me in the sense that I was… We all would love to watch Gigi and Dani have a fun little romantic moment, but they’re like, “No, Bette and Tina get the grand romantic moment.” And it’s like, “Okay.”
Riese: And Gigi gets a car in the head.
Analyssa: Yeah. Trade offer.
Riese: And of course they drive by the accident and they’re like, “Oh, I hope nobody is hurt.” Which, come on guys, couldn’t somebody in the car be like, “Wait, you just said I hope nobody is hurt. That means somebody is hurt and we know them.”
Riese: I hate it when they do that in TV shows. It’s effective but it makes me feel emotions I don’t want to feel when they’ll drive past the accident and they know the person in the accident. I feel upset.
Analyssa: Well and because later they’re going to find out that Gigi was in an accident at that intersection and they’re going to be like, “Oh my God. We were in the car chanting at Bette to go get Tina. This is…”
Drew: The episode is called LA…
Riese: Los Angeles Traffic.
Drew: Los Angeles Traffic. I will say, this is pretty dark, but something that helps me in living in Los Angeles and dealing with traffic is that oftentimes there is traffic because of an accident. And I am just like, “Look, it sucks that I’m here. It sucks that this city is poorly run, poorly built, that we don’t have more public transit, all these things. Absolutely. But in this exact moment, there is someone who’s probably hurt or at the very least having a day and that person isn’t me. And hopefully it’s not someone who I know, and also I feel bad for this stranger and so take a deep breath.” That helps me.
Analyssa: That’s interesting.
Analyssa: That’s on par with Bette’s, “We’re all going to die. What’s a bumper.” In that it’s pretty well adjusted but also there’s something a little bit sick about it.
Analyssa: Gorgeous. I got the vibe of a season finale when they’re all in the back seat or all in the car and they decide to… They convince Bette to run and she’s like, “Time to give a speech to my best friends.”
Drew: Yeah. What was that about?
Riese: Oh yeah. And she’s talking about she loves them like she’s never going to see them, and I did have to spend my… Okay. I have a recurring nightmare about once a week that I’m about to go on a trip and I do not have anything but the clothes on my back, and I don’t have my suitcase, I didn’t pack and I’m not allowed to pack. I’m not allowed to bring anything. It happens all the time. And I was like, “Bette is running head first into my nightmare. She get aboard a…” And I know that this was one of those things, it’s TV. It’s sort of like Finley interrupting the wedding. We just have to completely suspend our disbelief because there’s no way that Bette Porter is going to fucking get on a plane in her evening gown with a purse.
Drew: Does she have a passport?
Riese: Right? Oh yeah, exactly. But that’s fine.
Riese: This suspension of disbelief. But it did bring up a lot for me personally. I was very stressed out about Bette not having her vitamins.
Analyssa: Or hair mask that I know she uses.
Drew: If you could only bring three things with you on an international flight, what would the three things that you would bring?
Riese: Is my phone one of those things?
Drew: You already have the stuff you’d have day to day walking around.
Riese: Oh. So, I have my phone and my wallet and a little vial of medications?
Drew: You carry that with you all the time? Because that would absolutely… I’ve thought about this sometimes where I’m like, “I would need to get my meds.” I would need to have either… Either I need to be wearing my glasses or I need to have a contact case plus my glasses. And then third thing, I think those are the two things I really need. Otherwise, I’d probably be okay.
Riese: So probably a sweatshirt and a tank top so that I never have to be an uncomfortable temperature.
Analyssa: My thing is that I simply could not fly in the outfit that Bette is.
Riese: Absolutely not.
Analyssa: I am so weird about the things that I wear on a plane. I have to have full… This is actually just revealing a lot about minor issues, but I have to have full sleeves and pants. I don’t like my skin being exposed to the air of an airplane. It really makes me itch. So, I would really be screwed. Bette is wearing a thing that reveals her shoulder. Horrible.
Riese: Even dress shoes.
Analyssa: Yeah, it’s not going to be comfortable, but-
Drew: I like the spontaneity of it. There is something that’s fun to me about the idea of…
Riese: Yeah. She’s also so rich, she could just buy new clothes.
Drew: Well, that’s-
Analyssa: Yeah. And she’s going to get to the airport and just purchase a flight-
Riese: Yeah. And then when she goes to Canada, she can take Tylenol with codeine if she wants to right over the counter. So, she runs.
Drew: Yeah. So, she does that. And then the episode ends.
Riese: The music plays.
Analyssa: Okay. This cover of Suddenly I See did have me… I was grinning. I’m grinning now. I was so amped. I just love-
Riese: I love the random times they choose to use real music.
Analyssa: I love a silly, grand gesture. I don’t know, man. I’ve watched 45 weeks of rom-coms. I’m primed for this. I wrote, “This made me a Bettina shipper. Bye.”
Drew: I think I just am so disengaged from… I don’t feel any sort of negative feelings about it, but I just don’t really care that much.
Riese: Oh. I feel like my moms are getting back together and I’m so happy for them.
Analyssa: And I’m just so simple that a person running to a loved one, running to someone they say they love and they just “figured out that they love” and a song is swelling, I’m near tears.
Drew: It’s a classic.
Riese: Oh, I also appreciated that when Bette was like, “I love you so much.” And Tina is like, “Yeah, I know. That’s not the problem.” I was like, “That’s good. We are all changing. We’re growing here. We’re all changing and growing.”
Analyssa: And there is a big admission from Bette of, “I would give everything up.” I realize this is a grand gesture. She’s saying a lot of stuff, but-
Riese: She’s going to work remotely. We all know that.
Analyssa: She’s still going to do work.
Drew: They have art in Toronto.
Riese: Right. Yeah. Franklin will be shipping her laptop overnight.
Analyssa: But it does feel like a big life realization of, “Oh, the thing that matters to me most right now is this.” It’s wild that that’s happening when Angie is 18, but…
Riese: That’s good timing though. They’ve got Angie into college just in time.
Drew: I think it’s great for Angie if her moms could both be in Toronto. I don’t know what the season is going to do. I don’t know if actually Bette is going to be living in Toronto. Excited to find out.
Riese: If I was going to Toronto to be with my beloved Tina. I would rather be the Tina in this situation. I’d rather be Tina being with Bette, I don’t want to be Bette being with Tina, even though I feel like I am Bette as a person in terms of emotionally stunted but powerful in my career.
Drew: I’m trying to figure out if I should live in LA or in Toronto. Luckily, either way I don’t have to be with Tina, but yeah, I don’t know. Does Bette know that you can’t spend more than six months there if you don’t have a visa?
Riese: But that’s not important right now.
Analyssa: It waits for no man.
Riese: Yeah. Also, I hope they go to Tim Hortons because there generally is no Tim Hortons in LA.
Drew: Yeah, obviously there’s not. It’s a very Canadian thing.
Riese: They’re all over the Midwest.
Drew: Oh really?
Riese: They’re all over Michigan at least.
Analyssa: Oh, I’ve never seen them.
I know that there’s some in New York.
Riese: Michigan is kind of like Canada.
Drew: It is truly anything within a few miles of the border.
Analyssa: Yeah. Maybe it’s like how In-N-Out expands to Nevada and surrounding areas. It’s only so far from the border.
Riese: I didn’t know. I thought they’re all over Michigan and I think there are some in New York. So, I just thought…. I was looking and I was like, “I could really go for some Timbits right now.” Well, fat chance the only way I’m going to get a Tim Bit is to marry Tina.
Drew: There are donut holes from other places. Tim Hortons isn’t very good. Sorry to…
Riese: Yeah, it’s not good, but it’s cheap and I enjoy it. It’s my special treat to get myself some Timbits and some iced coffee and to just eat them at my desk like a queen.
Analyssa: There is one tiny button on this episode, which is that Dani is trying to reschedule the Vogue interview that Bette has blown off. And then of course Dani’s phone rings. Nat is Gigi’s emergency contact, has been informed that Gigi has been in an accident
Drew: And has died.
Riese: And then I teared up against by will.
Analyssa: Yeah, I was like… And then that’s the episode.
Riese: That’s the episode.
Drew: There was a moment where I was worried she was dead and then I was like, “No, that would be the wildest choice ever.”
Riese: No way.
Drew: But I was scared.
Riese: Well, Carol, what did you think of the episode? Carol, you shed all… I just cleaned the couch and you shed all over it. So, obviously she had a lot of feelings about the episode, but mostly she had a lot of feelings about Drew.
Analyssa: Guys, I liked this episode. I had fun.
Analyssa: No one tell anyone, and everybody listening, you get one more person to tell this to, but I watched it at my day job. Got paid my salary to watch this episode. And honestly, I was thrilled. I was so excited. I was nervous that somebody who I worked with was going to look over my shoulder while passing by and be like, “What the fuck are you watching?”
Riese: You’d be like, “Pictionary.”
Analyssa: Yeah. But that was really honestly the only thing that was not overall enjoyable about this episode to me.
Riese: Yeah. The only thing that wasn’t enjoyable for me is Tess convincing Shane to buy the bar in a way that I was like, “This is not okay.”
Analyssa: But it’s nice to just have an annoying character instead of be irritated at a storyline. Do you know what I mean?
Drew: I would say that my favorite parts of this episode were the more low key moments. Some of the just friends hanging out, banter, love, Alice dating a wacky person. I don’t know if I’d call someone in a real life cult that did a lot of harm wacky, but that’s a very Alice thing. There was a lot of really fun stuff. The more serious things, like some of the fights, some of the running to the airport, I’m sorry, didn’t work as well for me, but not in any grand way. Just in the sense that I was kind of like, “Okay.” But overall, solid episode, thumb up.
Analyssa: I’m thumbs up. Both.
Riese: Thumbs up, thumbs up for me.
Drew: That’s five total thumbs. That’s a five out of six thumbs.
Riese: Five out of six thumbs.
Drew: That’s pretty good for an episode.
Riese: Yeah. So, you can put that thumb in your butt and smoke it. That’s what I always say, right? That’s what they say in Canada.
Analyssa: Tim Hortons.
Riese: Tim Hortons. Get your Timbits while you can, ladies.
Drew: They have Timbiebs now, which is a Justin Bieber themed donut hole. I don’t really know what that means.
Riese: Does it look like Justin Bieber?
Analyssa: That was recently?
Drew: When I was there.
Analyssa: Does Justin Bieber have…
Riese: Can you go there and mail me one?
Drew: I don’t know if it would be good.
Riese: Just one? Can you have Elise mail me a Justin Bieber donut hole?
Drew: I will see what’s possible… You can order food from Russ & Daughters in New York to California if you have a ton of money and are Jewish. I don’t think you have to be Jewish, but-
Analyssa: Barney’s Greengrass does it too.
Riese: Yeah, I think you have to be Jewish.
Drew: But yeah. So, I’ll look into if I can send you Timbiebs or you can just come visit.
Analyssa: Does Justin Bieber have current cultural cache, aside from having just married Hailey Bieber four years ago?
Drew: I think in Canada. No offense, Canada, I love you. You’re basically my home now.
Riese: Oh, my God, someone in Pasadena has a business called Tim Hortons Gate Repair. How dare they?
Analyssa: What a mislead.
Lauren: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of To L And Back: Generation Q Edition. One of two podcasts brought to you by autostraddle.com. You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at To L And Back, and you can also email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Our theme song is by The Talented B Sidwell, and our Gen Q logo is by JAXKO. This episode was produced, edited, and mixed by me, Lauren Klein. You can find me on Instagram at @laurentaylorklein. You can follow Drew everywhere at @draw_gregory. You can follow Analyssa on Instagram at @analocaa with two As, and on Twitter at @analoca_ with one A and an underscore. You can follow the legendary Riese Bernard everywhere at @autowin. Autostraddle is @autostraddle. And of course, the reason why we’re all here, autostraddle.com. And finally, to end this ep, let’s hear some keywords from our girlies.
Drew: 3, 2, 1, queen-
Riese: Queen of England.
Riese: Did you also say queen?
Drew: I said queen.
Analyssa: The only word I could come up with was queen, but I don’t have a reason for it.
Riese: Oh, my reason is that I was watching The Crown.
Drew: Oh, my reason is because running after your ex-wife’s Uber on the way to the airport is “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.”
Analyssa: Nice. Wow. Okay. I don’t have a reason.
Drew: We’ve never done that. We’re really vibing.
Riese: Wow. The vibe is good. The energy is so good.
Analyssa: Yeah, the energy is great.
Analyssa: Sparkling. Yeah. It’s like a rainbow emoji on the end of a “U up?wp_poststext.
Drew: It really is that.
Riese: Or ice in your Chardonnay.
Riese: Yep. Volleyball.
Drew: Well, I think that’s it, but what a delight. I’m going to go run after my ex-wife.
Riese: Me too.