The Comment Awards Are Daydreaming of Chessy from the Parent Trap

A small, brown and white dog peeking over their laptop screen, with a caption that says "Hey did you see that comment?!"

Good morning, pirates! I’ve been watching Our Flag Means Death on HBO and now I want nothing more than a queer, swashbuckling pirate family and a life on the open sea. Be gay! Do crimes! Fall asleep under the stars with your shipmates as the Captain reads bedtime stories aloud! What a dream.

This week, the team ranked Disney movies by mommi issues. This is perfection.

What non-dairy milk are you? Dani Janae knows.

Killing Eve is over and Kayla — and you all — had some thoughts and feelings!

And because we need a little more warm and cozy in our lives, Heather wrote about The Owl House’s gentle queer love story.

KaeLyn helped out a reader who isn’t feeling certain anymore about non-monagamy.

Did you SEE the butch fashion from the WNBA draft? I have no words.

Yesterday was, apparently, Cake and Cunnilingus Day! Did you, uh, get something to eat?

And then there were your comments!


On JoJo Siwa Got an Alternative Lifestyle Haircut: Goodbye Pony, Watch Out World!

The Just Do It Award to Maddie:

Love this progression of going from “who’s this annoying kid people keep talking about?” to “wow, I’m crying about queer dancing on us National tv” to “Jojo cut her hair. If she did it, maybe I can have the courage to do it too”

And the No Nonsense Award to florrie:

classic will only wear one up and out of the way hairstyle as a child to gay short hair pipeline

On Disney/Pixar Movies, Ranked by Mommy Issues:

The More Like Thirst Trap Award to Alyssa:

Y’all mentioned the parent trap but did not mention the Ultimate Mommi in the parent trap: Chessy. The voice. The clothes. Please.

On Quiz: What Non-Dairy Alternative Milk Are You?

The Soy Boi Award to

I will fight people about the total supremacy of soy milk compared to other milk options. Let’s goooooo: -Soy is a nitrogen fixing legume which is easily farmed with low water intensity, low fertilizer needs, and is cheap. Y’all’s almond milk meanwhile is dehydrating California -presumably partly because of these price issues, soy milk has way more soy in it than almond milk has almonds (or cashews, coconut milk, etc). Take a look at the nutrition facts, almond milk has 30 calories/serving compared to 90 for soy milk and similar ratio for grams of protein. This is because almond milk has almost no almonds and is instead mostly water thickened with carrageenan. Pound for pound soy milk is the most nutritious especially for those of us who “need more protein” -oat milk is slimy. Which like, So is dairy milk so, I guess? -soy has been hilariously villainized as feminizing because of phytoestrogens and the conflation in our culture between meat and masculinity. This in itself is a reason to drink soy as well as presumably spurring the development of all it’s competitors to avoid the red badge of emasculation My narrative about my own gender is that I’m a “soy boi”, feminized by all my years as a vegetarian. Probably afab because my parents were vegetarian ;) This quiz gave me rice milk but that stuff is watery. No thank you. I’ll mix oats with soy beans when making my own soy milk at home because the slime helps it homogenize but I don’t see the appeal of straight oats. Would y’all drink oatmeal water? Phah. I hope everyone takes my strongly held opinion with humor and a grain of salt! All these milks are superior to dairy and I’m glad we can agree on that ;)

On “Moonshot” Review: I Wish I Had Just Rewatched Zenon:

The Burdens to Bear Award to EllyBelly:

Lana Condor must be getting so tired carrying these mediocre movies on her back!!!! (I am not the first person to say this) Would love a spin-off movie of Captain Tartar becoming a (queer?) event planner in SPACE! (Everyone in space is queer! And gay!)

On Also.Also.Also: 2022’s Best Butch Fashion Came From the WNBA Draft:

The Well-Rounded Award to uhitsveronica and msanon:

could we get a ranking of the gayest wnba teams? the sky has a sizeable lead with a married couple.

On No Filter: This Photo of Janelle Monáe Makes Me Feel [REDACTED]:

The Way You Make Me Feel Award to shamblebot:

Looking *very* respectfully at those pictures of Tessa Thompson and Janelle Monae!

And on It’s Cake and Cunnilingus Day — Let’s Celebrate Accordingly!

The What Dreams May Come Award to Nova Duarte Martinez:

You people are over here bragging about red velvet and carrot cake while I haven’t even had a minuscule slice of confetti cake yet. I’m telling you it’s not fair!


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Darcy

Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. She's a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of her Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! She also wants to make you laugh.

Darcy has written 332 articles for us.

3 Comments

  1. Regarding soy, I am so glad to have already watched a YouTube video that explained in detail how phytoestrogens have not been shown to feminize humans, but some ppl who don’t like rigorous research I guess decided old studies about sheep with lowered sperm counts was good enough evidence that the same would happen in humans, just ignoring all the research on actually human subjects.

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