Letter From Your Editors

Feeling our ghoulish sides OR the age-old question: how gay are you — do you own a flashlight?

Top: Heather + Socks // Casey + Beloved dog whose name I don’t know // Vanessa // Sarah // Nicole // Stef + Scully
Bottom: Rachel // Valerie Anne // Drew // Kamala // Malic // Meg

October at Autostraddle has been exceptionally full of goodies! If you have not already, please get out your longest spoon out to dig in. I’ve been appreciating what I’ve noticed is a thematic overlap between our very insightful U.S.Election coverage and the great explorations on our site of gay horror for Halloween. We had pieces that really hit the trifecta of beauty, pain and fuck-you-style redefinition that I just live for in Latinx Heritage Month, Coming Out Day, and our piece for Ace Week. And truly, the cherry on top of this sundae, was the utter bliss of Butt Week, which, yes, was super funny, but really moving too — let nobody say that we aren’t versatile over here! We’ve also been trying to get more glimpses into the hearts and minds of you, our beloved A+ #1s, in order to share a little more with you, so check out our special edition election Advice Box and new Behind The Scenes posts.

I’m hoping that whatever you’re doing for “Halloween” this year is more intentionally scary and fun than everyday pandemic life and whatever is coming for us on election day. I will be making a pizza from scratch. It will be an ode to The Worst Pizza I Ever Ate (it still wasn’t that bad), which was a square slice from a bakery in St. Petersburg, Russia on one blistering cold Halloween, and my hand gestures did not get across that I wanted them to heat it up. So I ended up with this cold piece of pizza whose cheese had hardened into a tough callus and when I tried to bite it, it cracked and the red sauce seeped up into it: it was like chewing on a hand. I’m hoping to improve upon this experience, but if I fail, I will be chewing on another bloody hand, and tomorrow is an acceptable day for that.

Thank you for sharing this strange-mazing place on the internet with us, and for making it available to new queers every single day!

Love,

Kamala / Carmen / Rachel / Heather / Laneia / Sarah / Nicole / Riese

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From September

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. What’s New and Streaming on Hulu, Netflix, HBO Max and Amazon in September 2020, by Riese
2. Am I Bisexual? Is That The Word?, by Austen
3. Why Everything Transphobes Think About Detransition Is Wrong, by Dani
4. Queer Horoscopes for September 2020: Virgo Season Brings a Controlled Burn in the Face of Burnout, by Corina Dross
5. Pop Culture Fix: Merry Christmas, Here’s Your First Look at Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis in Clea DuVall’s Holiday Rom-Com, by Heather Hogan
6. 31 Extra-Special Ways You Described Your Sexual Orientation on the 2020 Reader Survey, by Riese
7. The 25 Best TV Shows on HBO Max with Lesbian and Bisexual Characters, by Riese + Team
8. You Need Help: My Partner and I Have Different Sex Drives, by Kayla
9. 7 Hot Queers and Their Go-To First Date Outfits, by the team
10. Pop Culture Fix: Pretty Little Liars Is Getting Rebooted by Riverdale’s Showrunner, by Heather

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Laneia: Hey @channel!! Here’s the whole shebang for Oct’s Insider! xoxox

I asked for ideas and Rachel said PUT A FLASHLIGHT UNDER YOUR CHIN and then Heather took a picture of her and Socks together with a spoopy light and wow, just WOW. I’m ready.

Take a picture of yourself with a flashlight under your chin! Be creative! Include your pets or don’t! Have fun!! :ghost:
And here is Heather and Socks:

Sometimes I get afraid that I’ve misnamed one of the Bobbis and it’s just a whole sweaty panic!
Heather: i misname them all the time, don’t even worry about it!
Abeni: do y’all remember bill clinton’s cat, socks? i wrote an e-mail to president clinton asking about socks in … probably 1995. in our elementary school computer lab.
Laneia: abeni !! 🥺
Abeni: thanks to heather for unearthing that memory i guess!!!
Laneia: there are two types of people in the world: those who penned letters to higher ups before they could watch a pg-13 movie alone, and those who did not
and the former are my people
Stef: I only wrote letters to Devon sawa
Shelli: Excuse me I’m
Here because I saw Devon Sawa
Stef: oh hello
I sincerely hope I never mailed that letter
Heather: shelli i hope you have a devon sawa slack alert
(abeni i absolutely remember socks the clinton cat!)
Shelli: I think my mind just always knows and is prepared to talk about Devon sawa at all times

Stef: Omg
He liked a tweet once where I asked him to stop ruining my childhood
Vanessa: SHELLI WHAT
Devon Sawa is absolutely my lesbian root
Along with Taylor Hansen
Shelli: Girl me too why you think I got a whole ass chapter in my book proposal on his ass lol
Vanessa: !!!
Shelli: Him and topanga from boy meets world are my roots
Vanessa: Shelli every day I love your brain more and more
Omg Ryder Strong is my Boy Meets World crush
I just wanted to be topanga I think
Shelli: It’s a MESS up there lol!! The tiny Shellis who work in the teen memories section of my brain need a raise
They haven’t gotten one in years and I haven’t gotten them new computers since 99
Vanessa: Hahaha they are doing a great job
Definitely deserve a raise and some shiny MacBooks
To make perfect collages of Devon Sawa :heart_eyes:
Stef: vanessa – when i officiated my cousin’s wedding a couple of years ago she made me put in a part where if taylor hanson objected to their union he had a moment to jump in
he did not, it turns out, he’s very supportive

Carmen: HAPPY SATURDAY!! CONGRATS TO @laneia AND THE WHOLE TEAM ON THE LAUNCH OF BUTT WEEK!!!!!
Shelli: Vanessa I am the friend that has been asked to help take the booty selfie and I can say – it’s a blast
Or blass-t? Idk I’m not as funny as malic :(
Vanessa: Hahaha yesssss
I love being the friend taking the ass shots and I love when my friends volunteer to help
Shelli: And whoever is doing the playlist is Miss New Booty included?!?
Vanessa: C O M M U N I T Y
Shelli: COMMUNITY!!!

Natalie: someone’s gonna need to check on h/eather:

#WomanKing here I come!!! pic.twitter.com/VHDlOirG5y

— Viola Davis (@violadavis) October 8, 2020

Heather: OH MY JESUS LORD
OH MY JEESUSS LORD
Natalie: lol
Heather: every picture is a new gift!!!!
Natalie:i was trying not to @ you but after i sent it, i thought, “you know she’s got a slack alert for viola davis”
Heather: also no offense but her arms are more ripped than her trainer’s!
lol you know i do
i thought it was just gonna be one photo
but then when i saw i could scroll, i went on ahead and sat down
whew! it is hOT IN THIS ROOM!

Stef: would you like a LOL
No Families, No Children, No Future

Rachel: lmao love that stock image i’m glad american conservative does too
Stef: they look so happy!!!!!
Rachel: 4:24 PM

Stef: !!!

!!!!!!!

tag yourself i’m decadent and deeply destabilizing
Rachel: i’m bisexual doing a hell of a lot of work
Stef: i guess i don’t hang out with a lot of conservatives but that’s not usually the reaction men have to bisexuality in my experience
Valerie: i might actually be dead
Vanessa: “The goodness of marriage and family” is cracking me up
Although I am NOT tagging myself as that
Just laughing

Drew: My dad: I read your, um, article you posted on Facebook.
Me: Oh!
My dad: When I was 18 I worked at a sporting goods store with a bisexual who offered me quaaludes. Are poppers kind of like that?
Me: I’ve never done quaaludes but I don’t think so…
My dad: I said no. She scared me.
Me: Sure.
My dad: As a lawyer, I should say that if you’re going to be Mr. Poppers Man— er, person, if someone had a bad reaction you could be liable.
Me: I’m not worried.
My dad: You know, I think you could’ve warned me not to read this one.
Me: Sorry.
Shelli: Your responses tho :ok_hand::skin-tone-6::ok_hand::skin-tone-6::ok_hand::skin-tone-6:
Drew: He tries and I do appreciate that. :joy:
Rachel: would love to get a Where Are They Now on the quaaludes bisexual
Drew: I was going to say!!
When I talk about queer elders I mean the bisexual who offered my dad quaaludes in 1977
Rachel: i would like her to mentor me

Himani: lol maybe it is butt week at slate
We Finally Know What a Dinosaur’s Butthole Looks Like
Stef: wow now i know what a crocodile clit looks like
what a day for me
(i clicked a link, it’s not in this)

Shelli:

Did y’all see this fucking cookie commerical
Stef: that was entirely too much for me
Nicole: yeah wow. i’m not crying you’re crying. :sob:
Stef: COOL PERFORMATIVE ALLYSHIP DAD
just kidding that broke me
Nicole: it wasn’t that for me. it was the looks the couple were giving each other. and them both doing the dishes while everyone else hangs out in the backyard.
Stef: i’m already fragile today, the homemade jam could have done it

Heather: this truly might be our most bonkers roundtable feature image ever

Drew: HAHAHA
The way I just GUFFAWED
Heather: lolol good!
Drew: This feels like Dale Cooper and ET are experiencing love at first sight and Theo is like ummm this is weird is anyone else seeing this is anyone else thinking this is weird
Heather: hahahahaha!!!!!
Drew: This is such a good roundtable!
Valerie: “is that alien talking to my dad but like from when i was younger not right now?” – theo, probably
(not dale cooper, elliot)
(it’s friday sorry my brain is done)
Drew: Hahaha I got it
Valerie: wow heather what a BUTTON for that roundtable
delicious
also i very vividly remember the moment i realized bugs bunny and michael jordan weren’t actually interacting in space jam so i feel that
like i was probably 9 and just had never really analyzed cartoon characters and considered their state of existence or lack thereof and i remember thinking “man it would be so cool to be in a movie with babs bu–oh…wait”
and then i felt dumb even though it was just a thought in my own head lol
Heather: oh my god, my sister told these kids in our neighborhood space jam wasn’t real and i will NEVER forget the look on this one child’s face. totally devastated!
EVERYBODY GET UP IT’S TIME TO SLAM NOW WE GOT A REAL JAM GOING DOWN WELCOME TO THE SPACE JAM
ALL RIGHT
Valerie: the original jam
come on and SLAM and welcome to the JAM

Vanessa: If this PR person emails me one more time I s2g

ARE U KIDDING ME
Heather: wow that kept getting weirder
it’s not every day you see the phrase “brad pitt and jerry falwell’s romantic entanglements”
Vanessa: it’s the same PR person who emailed me the obnoxious pitch about chatting with these people re: helping your marriage survive if your spouse is voting for trump
Drew: OF COURSE IT IS
Vanessa: i usually just delete this shit but i just wrote a not very nice email asking to be removed from this list
it’s 11:30am and i haven’t had breakfast yet
i do not have time for this lady!!!
Heather:i hope that’s what your email said “i do not have time for this, lady!!!”
Vanessa: “I have no idea how I landed on this list but I am requesting that you remove me immediately. None of the topics you send out would ever be of interest for Autostraddle, and some of them are offensive both to me and our readers. Please do not send me another email ever again. Thanks!”
Meg: iconic
Laneia: extremely vanessa
Vanessa: tysm
Heather: 🏄‍♀️
that’s you surfing away on her heterosexual tears

Meet An Illustrator!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Lauralee Benjamin, Illustrator for the S L I C K Series

Instagram: @Lauraleebenjamin

How long have you been drawing / painting / illustrating? When was the first time you knew that you wanted to focus on illustration?

I’ve been drawing forever. I was a kid who drew, I went to high school for art and college for art and it’s always been a major part of my identity. I always had goals of pursuing illustration as a career but when I entered into adulthood it seemed less feasible. Real life and bills got in the way. A few years ago thanks to a supportive partner and flexible day job I was able to get back into it pretty much full-time.

What inspires you? Who or what do you want to make sure comes through in your work?

I’m inspired most by women’s faces and bodies, the folds, bones, creases etc. I’m inspired by how women move and hold their bodies. I’m inspired by sexuality, mostly as it relates to women. I hope that my work is loud and fun like the visual equivalent of 90s freestyle music. I also hope it’s confusing, interesting and funny because I’m usually confused, interested and amused by what I’m drawing so it would be nice if that came through.

What challenges have you had to overcome to be where you are now? Any words for artists, aspiring or otherwise, who might happen to be reading?

The subject matter and nature of my work has gotten me blacklisted by several platforms and snubbed by lots of brands and opportunities. That’s the biggest challenge for me. People want their erotic art in a pretty package I think — You can draw a woman masturbating but she has to look happy. You can draw two people having rough sex but they have to be attractive – It’s obvious that I’m way over that fine line society drew between art and porn and that the path to becoming A Respected Artist is going to look much different for me than my peers. But I’ve come to terms with that and put those feelings back into my art, like doubling down on the “fuck you” ness of my work because of it. And I’m happier with my work and more thankful for the opportunities I do have, because of it.

My advice for artists is a cliche but it’s true! Be authentic in everything you do. Do what you know & love and the appreciation of that thing will come but don’t chase the approval by compromising.

When you were asked to illustrate some queer erotica for Autostraddle, what was your first thought?

So so thankful! Especially because of how I mentioned my opportunities being less plentiful than I think I deserve. First, I was thankful just for the job itself — the exposure and chance to be affiliated with a well known Queer initiative. As the project began I was fucking ecstatic to be able to illustrate in my normal style. It’s so rare to have a paying job that allows you to just do what you would’ve been doing anyway. And I’m nothing without inspiration and references so it’s been a real blessing to have that built in inspiration for every writing I illustrate for y’all.

How do you select which passages to illustrate? Are there moments you look for in particular?

As I’m reading, I’m visualizing every scene and my brain must be trained because I can sort of see them as illustrations in my style already. I’ll go with the one that’s the most striking to me and I think translates to a visual the best. I’m drawn to faces and torsos so mentions of facial expressions and scenes where I can showcase the breasts and stomach are my faves. Also, Sarah @ Autostraddle has been so amazing at helping me pin down some of the best ideas. I can be a little erratic so direction is always welcomed.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?

Naomi Campbell in Michael Jackson’s Keep It In the Closet video.

PENGUINS REPRISE: LEGACY

Shelli: 9:40 AM
There’s Drama in the Queer Penguin Community
Dyke Drama tee available over at Autostraddle.com is what should have followed this headline
Heather: we should really have a series called “the l word: generation zoo” about all this penguin drama!
Stef: did you ever watch meerkat manor? it was kinda like that
also i would write a vapid fluff about this if you guys actually want that
you know i live for penguin gossip
“a lesbian penguin couple” = een lesbisch pinguïnstel
Sally: Kind of disappointed the Germans don’t have a single encompassing noun for that
Stef: it’s dutch! i assure you the germans almost definitely do
and by extension, i assume there is a yiddish one as well
Sally: Woah, I have read it properly now. For some reason I assumed it was those japanese penguins with their big chat. Who knew there was so much international lesbian penguin drama! I feel like this is the content I would have really liked to have seen on international lesbian day
Stef: i would also watch an incredible ryan murphy show about this with sarah paulson and jessica lange as the wronged lesbian penguin parents
seeking antarctic revenge
Sally: hopefully while erotically eating sardines, pilchards or any other manner of small fish
Stef: the gay penguins who steal the eggs are zachary quinto and evan peters, in like skintight black and white vinyl penguin suits
no. zachary quinto and leslie jordan

What We’ve Been Reading

Casey: Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas and Whisper Their Love by Valerie Taylor

Heather: The Memory of Babel: Book Three of The Mirror Visitor Quartet by Christelle Dabos

Carolyn: How To Write An Autobiographical Novel: Essays by Alexander Chee

Malic: Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor

Drew: Yemaya’s Daughters by Dane Figueroa Edidi

Natalie: Inside Out & Back Again by Thanhhà Lai

Kamala: Mean by Myriam Gurba

Sarah: Zigzags by Kamala Puligandla

Stef: Dracula by Bram Stoker

Meg: Queering Your Craft: Witchcraft from the Margins by Cassandra Snow

Riese:: Trust Exercise by Susan Choi

Vanessa: Zigzags by Kamala Puligandla

Halloween Eating Retro-Reading

2020 will likely not go down in history as a big year for Halloween Costumes and their accordant vibes: a Halloween party. But you know what you can still do with yourself, your partner, your pod, your family or your roommates? EAT.

Stef as a child via Family Photo Album: What We Were for Halloween Way Back When

Get Baked With A Tiny (Trick Or) Treat, by Vanessa (2012) – “When I first heard that you could take Oreos and make them into mini cakes suitable for Samantha or Rebecca (true confession, I learned about this magical confection from The American Girl Company’s Tiny Treats) the inner eight-year-old in me was like, “Okay you have to go home and make these TONIGHT.”

When You’re Sick of Halloween Candy, Let’s Talk About Eating Pumpkins, by Kristen (2013) – “It’s kind of sad that pumpkins are used more for mere decoration than the true dinner table stars they ought to be. Low in saturated fat and rich in vitamin E, B6, iron and fiber, your plump little pumpkin also comes loaded with potassium, making it perfect for a post-workout pick me up.”

41 Spooky, Scary, Halloween Recipes for Your Monster Mash or Fright Night (2015), by Mey – Halloween is totally the best, right? Halloween costumes, Halloween decorations, Halloween movies, Halloween parties, and of course, Halloween food.

Get Baked with Autostraddle: Pumpkin Edition (2010), by Laneia – Pumpkin squares, pumpkin granola, pumpkin soup, vegan spiced pumpkin pie

Femme Brûlée: Balsamic Pomegranate Pumpkin Wedges (2018), by Reneice – “Sugar pie pumpkins get so perfectly sweet and caramelized when you roast them just right, making them the perfect vessel for tangy flavors like pomegranate and balsamic.”

Candy Corn is Objectively Good, Discuss, by Jehan (2019) – ‘Know thine enemy and gather ye little orange, yellow, and white striped soldiers lest they be tossed out with lesser candies! Colonels, grab your kernels and raise your voices high against the naysayers!”

DREW IS WATCHING BUFFY

Valerie: this is very random but last night my friends and i practiced some escapism by way of a virtual group watch of Babysitters’ Guide to Monster Hunting and while we were shouting at the main characters to just date already (one of whom was Broadway’s original Matilda with an alternative lifestyle haircut and a motorbike) Indya Moore showed up! Playing “the Cat Lady”! It was a lovely surprise.
and i know y’all love indya like i do so i thought i’d share lol
it was the gayest not-gay movie i’ve seen in a minute lol
Drew: Ooo! How much screentime does Indya have?
Valerie: not very much unfortunately
just one of the stops on their great adventure
Drew: This does seem like a fun escapist movie though generally speaking
Valerie: it was like a scene and a half maybe
yeah it was a romp
Drew: Thanks for the rec!
Post-Saturday I will be looking for non-horror escapism haha
Or maybe I just continue my horror viewing into November
Valerie: silly and fun with lots of smart kids and girls who kick butt haha
haha yeah i started my horror escapism in like july so probably i won’t stop but it IS nice to get the more specifically halloween-themed ones done before nov
Drew: Buffy is proving to be very good escapism right now with its mix of simple you go girl action and existential despair about the world sucking

Drew: I am intensely in 1998 right now because I am so confused about Buffy and Faith not being set up to be a thing when they’re so clearly being set up to be a thing and I’m horrified that Willow and Xander just kissed
Can I just say that if I’m ever kidnapped and need to alert you all I’m going to message “Hey I just wrote some Xander Harris/Will Schuester fanfic”
Carmen: Oh yeah Buffy and Faith were TOTALLY a thing!
Just because it didn’t happen on camera, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Drew: I’m just confused why this season is aggressively setting up Buffy/Faith and Xander/Willow but I know next season Willow is the gay one
Did they pivot?
Was it a Jane the Virgin thing where they were like we can’t make our title character gay but the people want gay so let’s make a supporting character gay?
Carmen: hhhmmmm I don’t know! But I think that theory might have legs and I can’t wait to hear what our resident Buffy expert @valerie has to say about it!
Drew: Oh right I forgot I could just tag her lololol
Valerie: i have been summoned

Drew: I’m finally tolerating Xander now that he and Willow are having an affair?? Why is cheating so bad in real life and so delicious on screen?? Is it just that Xander being unable to resist Alyson Hannigan is the first thing he’s done that makes sense to me??
Drew: WHAT THE FUCK
Did…
What…
This so fucked up omg

Bone Bone Horoscope going into November 2020

Welcome to a new segment! Previously I had been recommending articles from this past month, but with both Laneia’s weekly newsletter and Nicole’s excellent A+ E-News I feel like you’re all pretty up on our recent publications, actually. Good for you! Instead, I will be communing with the only good social media pet sensation, enormous Thai cat Bone Bone, to divine your future for the coming month. This coming November:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by P'BONE (@bonebone29)

He is shrouded in darkness, gloom; the air is heavy. His expression is tentative; what does the future hold? Does he dare move into the light? This November, Bone Bone acknowledges your apprehension and anxiety; he encourages you to keep your eyes wide open and face forward; the light is breaking.

— rachel

The Real Horror Is a Lack of Disaster Preparedness

Casey: Just did the Insider books and photo, hope it’s not too late. Also I discovered I don’t own a flashlight, only a headlamp, but I think it did the trick!
Sarah: i used my phone and then realized i had nothing to take my photo with, so i jumped into photobooth for the first time since 2005
Kamala: i had to use my bike light
for the same reason
i do probably need a real flashlight…
Heather: oh my god y’all! everyone needs a heavy duty flashlight; a pocket knife or multi-tool; several gallons of distilled water; and extra one set of batteries for your flashlight!!
actually knowing y’all as i do from your many sex toy reviews and roundtables, you might need several extra sets of batteries
Heather: everybody’s getting a pocket knife from your dad heather this christmas
Carolyn: charging vibrators is part of emergency prep
Heather: that’s right! listen to carolyn! and to me!
Nicole: heather, i know this but like, i have: some batteries, flashlight situation unknown, plenty of emergency candles and matches, multiple pocket knives including one Bill left that is engraved with “Old Timer” and various additional knives and cutters, and no water but a limestone wedge cut into the spring that runs into the house under the basement that may or may not have lead in it. is this OK??
Heather: NICOLE NO IT IS NOT
oh my god, i have not prepared any of you for life (edited)
Nicole: i should test the basement well water for lead you’re right
Carolyn: I FEEL THE SAME
Nicole: i’ve been meaning to
Carolyn: and buy a few gallons in the meantime! they are useful in emergencies, and also if the water goes out
like emergency candles and LEDs: good to have in case of disaster, fun to have otherwise
Nicole: i did that in california, but never re-implemented. it’s a good idea.
Carolyn: if you wanna get weird they make flashlight/radios that can charge a cellphone OR a vibrator just saying
Carolyn: (if your vibrator is USB rechargeable)
Nicole: what
like it serves as a battery pack?
Heather: i am just imagining going in to get certified as a lesbian elder and they’re like “how many people
under your care are without a flashlight and a pocket knife?”
Carolyn: and replenishes by solar or hand crank!
Nicole: nice!
Carolyn: https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/emergency-preparedness/#communication-and-power
Nicole: oh wow thank you!
Stef: ugh you can use literally any usb charger you’d use for your cell phone on the go to usb charge a vibrator come on
Nicole: that’s a great resource list
Stef: what do you people take me for
Heather: my angel, flung out of space
i know for a fact there are at least 400 gentleman jack flashlights in a-camp storage
Stef: if it all goes to hell i’m just showing up at your house heather
Nicole: heather! i do have a flashlight. it was in the drawer of requirement. replacing batteries now, just in case. thank you for your advisement.
Heather: you’re always welcome at my house stef
Stef: a big day for me and beth
Heather: better than her getting a hundred dollars even!
Stef: what would she even do with a hundred dollars
take a nap on it
Heather: stacy said she’d go to the concession stand and blow it all on fun dip
Malic: I just want to let everyone know that I do have a flashlight even though I used my salt lamp for the insider pic. It seemed gayer somehow.
Stef: i used a candle
Vanessa: What level of gay am I if I have the emergency radio/flashlight Carolyn is talking about but I was too lazy to get it out of the basement so I borrowed my gay roommate’s flashlight?
Also what level of gay am I if now after reading these responses I want to redo my photo because I think a candle is hotter
Stef: idk my level of gay is it’s a “campfire” scented candle
Rachel: my level of gay is finding out that the only flashlight i have is the blacklight flashlight for inspecting whether my cat peed on something

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

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