This is a call to arms!
For those of us who have gathered our winnings from last night and are preparing for the meaning of November — eating leftover Halloween candy — be warned that our snack of choice is under attack. Why, you may ask? I truly can’t tell you but if the Autostraddle team’s conversation from earlier this week is any indication, we may be in the minority here.
But fear not, dear friends, and keep fast on the path to righteousness! I, for one, shall not be swayed. My love for the sugary, marshmallow goodness of a candy corn nugget is forever. The way the tiny white tip contrasts against the stark orange center before a reverse ombre cascade into yellow…it’s perfection!
But behold the dissention below. Know thine enemy and gather ye little orange, yellow, and white striped soldiers lest they be tossed out with lesser candies! Colonels, grab your kernels and raise your voices high against the naysayers!
Jehan: [I have] so many thoughts about halloween candy!
specifically about the superiority of candy corn and fun size twix
Dani Janae: Yeah I’m here to defend candy corn with my life
natalie: superiority of candy corn?!
Abeni: candy corn is garbage
2nd worst halloween candy after circus peanuts
natalie: absolutely Abeni.
Jehan: where and why is this candy corn hatred?!
Abeni: because it’s gross and nearly flavorless, like eating a waxy booger
Dani Janae: It’s literally just sweet marshmallow goodness. Taste like heaven, also very cute
vanessa: i’m team candy corn is awful
Abeni: candy corn? marshmallow??? those are ENTIRELY different textures, flavors…
i do NOT see the comparison AT ALL
Christina Tucker: what is THE TEXTURE OF CANDY CORN EVEN
Jehan: Dani Janae and i are co-captains of the candy corn boat
natalie: i did not foresee a team candy corn defense emerging. this is more mind-blowing to me than shane and jenny shippers even.
Abeni: right? i thought we were all in agreement that candy corn is terrible
Dani Janae: Perhaps your taste buds aren’t mature enough to appreciate its unique flavor profile
Abeni: funny i thought it was something only children like!!! *shots fired*
because they like sugar. they’d probably eat straight sugar if it was easier
Jehan: like many adult flavors it’s an acquired taste
himani: Candy corn texture makes me think of eating plastic
It’s almost like stale candy…..
Christina Tucker: DO candy corn people like Peeps also
Jehan: ew no to peeps
Abeni: wait i hear talk of peeps and marshmallows. are y’all thinking of circus peanuts
we’re talking about candy corn right
Christina Tucker: Yes, I just wonder since candy corn has no taste apart from “sugar”
and peeps are also…mostly just sugar
Jehan: yes but peeps look and taste creepy
Christina Tucker: looks at candy corn image
Jehan: candy corn is fun with seasonally appropriate colors
himani: Does microwaving peeps make it any better? I know that’s a thing people do…?
The only thing worse than candy corn in my book is chocolate candy corn
Dani Janae: I hate peeps because they’re ugly
Christina Tucker: what is CHOCOLATE Candy corn
Jehan: thank you!
Christina Tucker: WHY is chocolate candy corn
Jehan: what sort of creature is a peep?
it’s for those without access to caramel candy corn
Dani Janae: I think they’re mostly ducklings or bunnies but they just end up looking like pastel blobs with eyes
Christina Tucker: I’m sorry
are you telling me right here in 2019
that candy corn’s flavor profile is….CARAMEL
himani: OMG there’s caramel??!!!!
Jehan: Dani Janae agreed, but sometimes the beaks/noses look weird and they’re like hybrid avian platypuses or something
himani: Like who even came up with this……
Jehan: THERE IS CARAMEL
himani: What does it even taste like??
Does it actually have the texture of caramel?
Jehan: no it’s still candy corn texture
himani: I can’t even….
This is the kind of thing I’ll get suckered into eating and then being sad about how gullible I am
Christina Tucker: this is so darksided
Dani Janae: ‘‘Tis the season
himani: So here’s my other question about candy corn like in what context does one eat it? Like I don’t know that I ever got it trick or treating because it’s sold in big bags? I think?
I’ve only ever had it in like, I dunno an office of some kind
Dani Janae: It’s very much a candy bowl at a party treat
Jehan: usually in a big bowl yeah
himani: Ok but then is the host leftover with a giant bowl of candy corn?
Jehan: at some autumnal gathering
himani: What do you do at that point?
Christina Tucker: Leave the state
change your name
start a new life
Christina Tucker: away from the candy corn
Dani Janae: No take the candy corn with you
himani: Or maybe you just put it in a tupperware until next year?
Malic White: Candy Corn Pizza
Dani Janae: AHHHHH
natalie: thats the scariest thing i’ve ever seen
himani: OMG what???!!!
Malic White: Nothing is more American than taking a candy that looks like a GMO crop and putting it on more candy that looks like pizza.
Dani Janae: Is it supposed to look like bugs?
Christina Tucker: AND it has RAISINS my enemy??
himani: I mean raisins have their time and place
This seems like neither the time nor the place
Jehan: i will concede the pizza is several steps too far
Christina Tucker: nice to know reason remains
Jehan: sweet pizza is an oxymoron
Dani Janae: Candy corn is a delicacy to be enjoyed one by one
or, like one handful by one handful
Christina Tucker: It’s so hard to be the voice of reason here
Abeni: candy corn wars 2019
vanessa: i’m so upset.
i step away from my computer for 10 minutes and i come back to that PIZZA?!?!
is nothing sacred??!?!?!?!?!?!
Abeni: hmm it is the pizza party friday thread
okay well this convo has proven that candy corn may indeed be the thing we need to discuss on nov 1, much to my…abject horror
Dani Janae: Candy corn wars where 2 fought against many
himani: I’m not sure what “winning” would mean in this context?
Shelli Nicole: also, I’m down for candy corn cocktails around this time of year but that’s it – i mean honestly though – it’s not that bad
wait – maybe it is that bad and I don’t know if because its covered by booze?!
Jehan: Candy corn cocktails?? Please say more
(jk plz continue but also just like ahhhhhhhhhh)
Shelli Nicole: in my experience at bars its a cute little melted garnish or blended drink…but in my apartment it’s me chewing candy corn and taking shots. Tom cruise I am not
himani: So I read a lot more NPR than I listen to. Anyways I’m sharing this for the last paragraph: “Oh, there’s still a perennial Halloween debate that we’re not going to solve here. Even after years of controversy, the Code Switch team is split on this one: Is candy corn good or bad? We’d love to know what side you’re on.”
vanessa: lol NPR stealing our sweet sweet candy corn content!!!
himani: oh my goodness look at all that candy corn on that map…
natalie: the first time in my life that candy corn has been useful, tbh
here are the places that i definitely should not move
himani: i was trying to figure out what NJ is
but it’s too small to make out
natalie: New Jersey ― Tootsie Pops
laneia: just here to confirm TN
Dani Janae: PA is a variety pack?
himani: tootsie pops??!! on the one hand I’m like :face_vomiting: must move, on the other hand I’m like “well they did have pretty good advertising, always loved those owl commercials”
Christina Tucker: Huge candy corn news
i was “literally this second” years old omg pic.twitter.com/UVwP2vxGTd
Dani Janae: Would love to take a bite out of that CORN COB jk would definitely die of a sugar overload
Okay, tell me how much you love candy corn in the comments, bye! Tell us your favorite candy corn stories, triumphs, and recipes! Or…I guess if you wanna talk about other candy that’s fine because #inclusion. Happy November.