Candy Corn Is Objectively Good, Discuss

This is a call to arms!

For those of us who have gathered our winnings from last night and are preparing for the meaning of November — eating leftover Halloween candy — be warned that our snack of choice is under attack. Why, you may ask? I truly can’t tell you but if the Autostraddle team’s conversation from earlier this week is any indication, we may be in the minority here.

But fear not, dear friends, and keep fast on the path to righteousness! I, for one, shall not be swayed. My love for the sugary, marshmallow goodness of a candy corn nugget is forever. The way the tiny white tip contrasts against the stark orange center before a reverse ombre cascade into yellow…it’s perfection!

But behold the dissention below. Know thine enemy and gather ye little orange, yellow, and white striped soldiers lest they be tossed out with lesser candies! Colonels, grab your kernels and raise your voices high against the naysayers!


Jehan: [I have] so many thoughts about halloween candy!
specifically about the superiority of candy corn and fun size twix

Dani Janae: Yeah I’m here to defend candy corn with my life

natalie: superiority of candy corn?!

Abeni: candy corn is garbage
2nd worst halloween candy after circus peanuts

natalie: absolutely Abeni.

Jehan: where and why is this candy corn hatred?!

Abeni: because it’s gross and nearly flavorless, like eating a waxy booger

Dani Janae: It’s literally just sweet marshmallow goodness. Taste like heaven, also very cute

vanessa: i’m team candy corn is awful

Abeni: candy corn? marshmallow??? those are ENTIRELY different textures, flavors…
i do NOT see the comparison AT ALL

Christina Tucker: what is THE TEXTURE OF CANDY CORN EVEN

Jehan: Dani Janae and i are co-captains of the candy corn boat

natalie: i did not foresee a team candy corn defense emerging. this is more mind-blowing to me than shane and jenny shippers even.

Abeni: right? i thought we were all in agreement that candy corn is terrible

Dani Janae: Perhaps your taste buds aren’t mature enough to appreciate its unique flavor profile

Abeni: funny i thought it was something only children like!!! *shots fired*
because they like sugar. they’d probably eat straight sugar if it was easier

Jehan: like many adult flavors it’s an acquired taste

himani: Candy corn texture makes me think of eating plastic
It’s almost like stale candy…..

Christina Tucker: DO candy corn people like Peeps also

Jehan: ew no to peeps

Abeni: wait i hear talk of peeps and marshmallows. are y’all thinking of circus peanuts
we’re talking about candy corn right

Christina Tucker: Yes, I just wonder since candy corn has no taste apart from “sugar”
and peeps are also…mostly just sugar

Jehan: yes but peeps look and taste creepy

Christina Tucker: looks at candy corn image

Jehan: candy corn is fun with seasonally appropriate colors

himani: Does microwaving peeps make it any better? I know that’s a thing people do…?
The only thing worse than candy corn in my book is chocolate candy corn

Dani Janae: I hate peeps because they’re ugly

Christina Tucker: what is CHOCOLATE Candy corn

Jehan: thank you!

Christina Tucker: WHY is chocolate candy corn

Jehan: what sort of creature is a peep?
it’s for those without access to caramel candy corn

Dani Janae: I think they’re mostly ducklings or bunnies but they just end up looking like pastel blobs with eyes

Christina Tucker: I’m sorry
are you telling me right here in 2019
that candy corn’s flavor profile is….CARAMEL
I shan’t

himani: OMG there’s caramel??!!!!

Jehan: Dani Janae agreed, but sometimes the beaks/noses look weird and they’re like hybrid avian platypuses or something

himani: Like who even came up with this……

Jehan: THERE IS CARAMEL

himani: What does it even taste like??
Does it actually have the texture of caramel?

Jehan: no it’s still candy corn texture

himani: I can’t even….
This is the kind of thing I’ll get suckered into eating and then being sad about how gullible I am

Christina Tucker: this is so darksided

Dani Janae: ‘‘Tis the season

Jehan: :crystal_ball:

himani: So here’s my other question about candy corn like in what context does one eat it? Like I don’t know that I ever got it trick or treating because it’s sold in big bags? I think?
I’ve only ever had it in like, I dunno an office of some kind

Dani Janae: It’s very much a candy bowl at a party treat

Jehan: usually in a big bowl yeah

himani: Ok but then is the host leftover with a giant bowl of candy corn?

Jehan: at some autumnal gathering

himani: What do you do at that point?

Christina Tucker: Leave the state
change your name
start a new life

himani: Hahaha

Christina Tucker: away from the candy corn

Dani Janae: No take the candy corn with you

himani: Or maybe you just put it in a tupperware until next year?

Malic White: Candy Corn Pizza

Dani Janae: AHHHHH

natalie: thats the scariest thing i’ve ever seen

himani: OMG what???!!!

Malic White: Nothing is more American than taking a candy that looks like a GMO crop and putting it on more candy that looks like pizza.

Dani Janae: Is it supposed to look like bugs?

Christina Tucker: AND it has RAISINS my enemy??

himani: I mean raisins have their time and place
This seems like neither the time nor the place

Jehan: i will concede the pizza is several steps too far

Christina Tucker: nice to know reason remains

Jehan: sweet pizza is an oxymoron

Dani Janae: Candy corn is a delicacy to be enjoyed one by one

Jehan: TRUTH
or, like one handful by one handful

Christina Tucker: It’s so hard to be the voice of reason here

Abeni: candy corn wars 2019

vanessa: i’m so upset.
i step away from my computer for 10 minutes and i come back to that PIZZA?!?!
is nothing sacred??!?!?!?!?!?!

Abeni: hmm it is the pizza party friday thread

vanessa: hahahaa
okay well this convo has proven that candy corn may indeed be the thing we need to discuss on nov 1, much to my…abject horror

Dani Janae: Candy corn wars where 2 fought against many

himani: I’m not sure what “winning” would mean in this context?

Shelli Nicole: also, I’m down for candy corn cocktails around this time of year but that’s it – i mean honestly though – it’s not that bad
wait – maybe it is that bad and I don’t know if because its covered by booze?!

Jehan: Candy corn cocktails?? Please say more

vanessa: nooooooooooooooooo
(jk plz continue but also just like ahhhhhhhhhh)

Shelli Nicole: in my experience at bars its a cute little melted garnish or blended drink…but in my apartment it’s me chewing candy corn and taking shots. Tom cruise I am not

himani: So I read a lot more NPR than I listen to. Anyways I’m sharing this for the last paragraph: “Oh, there’s still a perennial Halloween debate that we’re not going to solve here. Even after years of controversy, the Code Switch team is split on this one: Is candy corn good or bad? We’d love to know what side you’re on.”

vanessa: lol NPR stealing our sweet sweet candy corn content!!!

natalie: The most popular Halloween candy in every U.S. state

himani: oh my goodness look at all that candy corn on that map…

natalie: the first time in my life that candy corn has been useful, tbh
here are the places that i definitely should not move

himani: i was trying to figure out what NJ is
but it’s too small to make out

natalie: New Jersey ― Tootsie Pops

laneia: just here to confirm TN
those mfers

Dani Janae: PA is a variety pack?

himani: tootsie pops??!! on the one hand I’m like :face_vomiting: must move, on the other hand I’m like “well they did have pretty good advertising, always loved those owl commercials”

Christina Tucker: Huge candy corn news

Dani Janae: Would love to take a bite out of that CORN COB jk would definitely die of a sugar overload


Okay, tell me how much you love candy corn in the comments, bye! Tell us your favorite candy corn stories, triumphs, and recipes! Or…I guess if you wanna talk about other candy that’s fine because #inclusion. Happy November.

Jehan is a writer, artist, and editor basking in all things Black and queer. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Apogee, VICE, Public Books, Teachers & Writers Magazine, and Women & Performance: a journal of feminist theory where she is an editor. She currently lives in Harlem but remains in a committed LDR with Brooklyn.

Jehan has written 14 articles for us.

60 Comments

  1. Candy corn doesn’t just taste like sugar! It has a wonderful carmel-ly buttery flavor and I love it. It is something I like in moderation, I can get sick of it if I eat too much. But every fall I’m definitely ready for some more!

  2. I like candy corn and this article is a good reminder to try to get some at half price today. I would get sick of it if I ate it too much, but for a once a year seasonal treat it’s good. I also like the conversation hearts that are out for Valentine’s Day, and will stock up on those.

  3. I’m convinced people who hate candy corn have never sat down with a nice fresh bag of Brach’s candy corn. I’ve had generic and it’s garbage. I bought a small bag from Target a couple of weeks ago, and that stuff was HEAVEN. It was sweet af, for sure, so I guess if you don’t like sugar (what?) you might not like it, but I think it’s so darn good.

  4. If you happen to have one of those wrist rocket slingshots you can put a piece of candycorn right through the side of a glass bottle. Crappy jelly beans work a little better though. Anyway if you like target shooting with a slingshot but don’t want to worry about anyone getting badly hurt by a stray shot, cheap after-holiday candy makes remarkably good ammunition.

    I’m not sure why you would eat it, honestly.

  5. I think candy corn is delicious (especially in small munching doses). In high school my family hosted a student from Spain and candy corn was one of her favorite American things, we even brought her some when visiting years later.

  6. Team candy corn is sugar and when you NEED sugar it’s okay in small doses, but holy crap don’t let a bag of candy corn sit around or you’ll have a murder brick made of congealed candy corn that might be stuck to the surface the bag was placed on.

    How’s life y’all?

    I finally figured out the best way to get cake batter into mini muffin papers is with a literal baby spoon. As in the tiny fuckin spoons designed to feed babies.
    Why I have a baby spoon I’m not sure but it likely has something to do with spice mixing or jelly cookies and pastry.
    I’m probably on my way to becoming one of those people with cooking/baking paraphernalia hanging from the ceiling and random jars of “stuff” on every surface.

  7. Guise spotify is such a terrible influence for someone who already has a raccoon-like circadian rhythm and a perfectionism streak.
    Out of my (I’m not going to even go count) playlists I’ve started only one feels complete and is public. Or is it? I’m not going to check, nope nope.
    Too busy dancing in place to remixes of Scandroid’s Thriller cover.

    And uh this one time I watched some Halloween episode of screwball cooking contest where Guy Fieri the host could toss random ingredients into the contestants baskets.
    One poor dude got candy corn and the best he could do with it was incorporate it into like a salad vinaigrette. The food processor got stuck so Guy hopped in there and helped transfer the candy corn brickette into a big ass blender.

    Imagine candy corn dust in salad.

  8. I am team candy corn. Having lived in Europe for over a decade, the only things I miss about America are: more black and brown people (soz Europe), collard greens/soul food and candy corn. Each year I go on a quest to find beautiful, pure honey candy corn, because it is the perfect hedonistic Halloween treat, something that probably shouldn’t be consumed in massive amounts (cos sugar), but I do happily every year like clockwork. Fight me, non candy corn believers!

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