Real L Word 304 Recap: Scissor Sisters Meet Tongue Twisters

Hello and welcome to the fourth recap of the third season of The Real L Word, a half-hour sitcom about an intelligent yet mischevious teenage girl struggling to carry entire flower bouquets on her head via Giant Floppy Hats while dealing with an absent mother, working musician father, an allegedly charming dumb jock brother with a lot of hair on his head and a recovering alcoholic older brother. Along with her idiotic-but-hot best friend named after the number of beers her father ingested prior to her conception, she struggles with very special teenage issues like buying tampons, going to second base, peer pressure and marijuana joints.

L to R: Romi, Kelsey, Lauren, Vero, Kiyomi (stylist: romi klinger)

This week on The Real L Word, everybody cried and everything hurt and I was mostly bored! Are you also bored? Just saying, last week my recap didn’t even get 100 comments, so. Anyhow, I feel like this recap isn’t as funny as usual, but I’d like to blame that on the rain that was falling and mostly on Ilene Chaiken and/or the patriarchy. #BOTP.

Two announcements: we’re raising money and need your support and we interviewed Somer and I think you’ll like it.


We open deep in the bowels of California’s intellectual epicenter: Hollywood, California. Here our newlyengayged couple’s prepping for a trip to San Jose to blindside Sara’s Portuguese parents with news of their impending nuptials.

so that’s a definite “no” on the wake-and-bake at your parent’s house?

Sarahara interviews that her parents grew up on a tiny island with one donkey, three dirt roads, a duck pond large enough for only 1.5 ducks and a ramshackle grocery store that only sold rice and wide-ruled notebooks. There were no gay people on this island so therefore Sarahara’s parents know nothing of the gays and their wedded ways.

we’re talking ‘lord of the flies’ type shit here, guys

Whitney’s struggling to select which neutral-toned top, jeans, and stupid hat she’ll don for the big trip:

Whitney: “I can’t with this outfit, I’m not feeling confident —”
Sara: “You look — change your shoes, if that’s the problem —”
Whitney: “— and I need to feel confident because — I think it’s my pants —”
Sara: “No, I love your pants, there’s nothing wrong with your pants.”
Whitney: “I think it’s my shirt. I feel like I wanna look like, presentable.”
Sara: “You look like a 15-year-old little skater boy.”

she was a skater boi, she said ‘see ya later boi’, she wasn’t good enough for her, she had a pretty face but her head was up in space, she needed to come back down to earth

Whitney interviews that weddings are “a whole thing” in Portugal but Sarahara’s unlikely to fit into her parents’ vision of matrimony ’cause she’s marrying a woman. What woman is she marrying?

not that other guy in the corner, he’s just here to hold the boom


We then segue somberly back to The House of Sad and Fog, where Kacy and Cori are lying in bed, as they’ve done every day since their whole world imploded.

Kacy: “Cori and I have gotten used to just being here, with each other. It’s been uh, pretty difficult, damn near impossible, to leave the house.”
Cori: “Our lives have just stopped, and we’re shattered, we’re so broken. I just wanna crawl in a hole and pretend that this isn’t my life.”
Kacy: “We are both broken-hearted and sad, and we are there together, sitting there in the pit of hell, and I wouldn’t wanna be in there with anybody else but her.”



We cut jarringly cross-country, where Amanda and Lauren have landed in New York City for a few days of fun that’ll ideally cure Amanda’s fatal case of The Homesickness.

look it’s the statue of liberty!

The Twirlable Twosome are crashing at a dog-urine-soaked Brooklyn pad inhabited by somebody’s male friend and as Amanda showers, Lauren once again interviews to explain that Amanda and Lauren both had girlfriends when they lived in New York and now they’re both single at the same time and they’ve never been single at the same time before and REALLY DO WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, I quit.

this is the first time we’ve ever walked down a hallway with suitcases without girlfriends

“This is our first time out in New York, single,” Lauren explains, ’cause their situation requires (apparently) constant explanation. “This is our first time eating pancakes, single,” “This is our first time accidentally taking the N train to Queens, single,” “This is our first time shampooing our dogs, single.”

Amanda says she’s got some errands to run and will be back in an hour. Hopefully she’ll return with the rest of her shirt.

this is what happens if you lean back on a chair coated in super glue


Elsewhere in New York City, Hunter Valentine are returning from Tour!

Kiyomi: “South by Southwest was awesome, we did a really good job, we busted our asses, but there were some altercations, for every show that Somer sounded really good, there was another show that was a complete catastrophe.”

I really wish this show would embrace the ‘show don’t tell’ ethos, but I suppose that’s unlikely when nobody wants your cameras in their venues.

remind me again who my regional rep in this city is

Somer returns to her lady-love, Donna, and her two dogs, one of which appears to have eaten a third dog or maybe just a very large houseplant, and is relieved to descend into her wife’s arms, far away from Kiyomi’s menacing facial expressions and a van that smells “like fish.”

school’s out for somer

Somer interviews that after being On Tour, she totally understands how Odysseus felt:

Somer: “All I could think about was just being at home with her cuddling in bed, and she’s always there for me to bounce ideas off of and give me a good perspective and those were all things that I really craved while I was on the road.”

I think that’s ultimately the thing, you know? I mean, there’s sex. You miss the sex when you’re away, but more than that you miss the person who has been processing all your feelings with you for howevermany years, the person who gets you and usually agrees with you and can tell you if you’re being stupid or the other guy is being stupid. It’s the only situation in which life partner seems like the most accurate term to describe the person you miss and love.

who’s next, mama is hungry

Somer explains that when you’re out there on the road with a vicious womanbeast, Smee and Vero The Coolest Cucumber, everything’s just “naked and bloody” and nobody is polite and it’s hard. Somer and Donna have lots of processing to do about whether or not Somer should stay in Hunter Valentine.

We cut cross-country to Sunny San Jose, California, the city Kayak always suggests I fly out of when I’m hunting for cheap plane tickets. What Kayak doesn’t know is that I don’t have a car, so like, I can’t just go to San Jose on a whim in my Lexus with my fiancé or something, like these guys:

this calls for some solid daytime drinking

Sarahara says they’ve got news. Mãe and Pai strike out once with “you’re moving to San Jose,” and then again with “you’re pregnant.” The latter prediction is totally ominous, obviously. They’ve got no idea what’s about to happen.

even better: this bitch with the dredlocks is never gonna get me pregnant. how’s that?

In a surprisingly hilarious twist of fate, Whitney’s got no fucking clue what’s going on ’cause they’re all talking in Portuguese, forcing Whit to simmer in nervousness while chugging red table wine and laughing politely at what seem to be the appropriate moments.

Sara: “I’m nervous.”
Mrs. Sara [in Portuguese]: “What is it? You’re not expecting a baby, are you?”
Sara [in Portuguese] : “She asked me to marry her.”

Whitney, who — keep in mind — has no idea what’s been said, smiles nervously as Mr. Sara chuckles benevolently and Mrs. Sara’s face crumples and it’s really sad. You can’t even be mad at Mrs. Sara, because you can see her entire vision of her daughter’s future dissolve into a big black nothing and you can see that she is mourning this life and probably wishes she could mourn it off-camera. Sometimes it’s important to take a step back from our knee-jerk self-righteous indignation at anybody who doesn’t embrace our sexuality and recognize that “accepting” doesn’t have to mean “immediately embracing.”

kinda wishing sara’s announcement had been fetus-related

Sara: “Do you guys love me?”
Mrs. Sara: “I love you very much Sara —” [stumbles on her words]
Sara: “Are you sad?”
Mrs. Sara: “Well.” [pauses] “Old-fashioned.” [looks down]
Sara: “What do you think? What does that mean?”

Whitney interviews:

Whitney: “So yeah I’m not 100% well-versed on Portugese but I’m pretty well versed on the look of shock and dismay and tears. That’s a dead giveaway. She’s not 100% happy about this.”

who’s a genius? this guy.

Sara sort of purrs and hugs her Mom and tells her she loves her over and over as her mother stares at her fork and her lap and everything but Whitney, who at least shares a kind broment with Mr. Sara.

Mr. Sara: “I love my daughter, and I will do everything for her to be happy. And we really like Whitney and she’s a very nice person.”

four for you, mr. sarahara

Some Sadistic fuck takes this opportunity to interview Mrs. Sara, who clearly needs more emotional support than an exploitative television camera could offer:

Mrs. Sara: “This is a big surprise for me. It’s not easy. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m saying this but it’s not easy.” [starts sobbing]

the saddest song

Mrs. Sara: “I never believe in gay marriage. I thought marrying is for woman and a man. Plus it’s not only me, really I don’t believe my family is going to the wedding. They all love me very much. Very much. very close family. But I don’t think they’d do that, even for me.” [starts crying again]

Back in New York Shitty, Lauren’s peeved ’cause Amanda said she’d be back in an hour and now it’s been three hours and she still isn’t back!

hi yeah, i’m calling because i used your shampoo and now my hair is pink? do you know anyplace i could get this fixed?

I believe we’re being set up to think Amanda is riding somebody’s hobby horse in a secret playpen and Lauren’s being overly possessive but seriously guys, don’t tell somebody to expect you in an hour and then go MIA, it’s ultra-rude, especially if you’re allegedly on a vacation together and have plans later.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3211 articles for us.


  1. i’ve never had so many feelings about a show i don’t watch.

    the sarahara’s mom stuff makes me sad because i can’t imagine telling my mom and making her process on television. i liked what you said about this: “Sometimes it’s important to take a step back from our knee-jerk self-righteous indignation at anybody who doesn’t embrace our sexuality and recognize that “accepting” doesn’t have to mean “immediately embracing.”” yes.

    i am really upset about metropolitan being featured on this show even though i don’t really like metropolitan.

    i think lauren is really hot and she makes me want to die my hair pink.

    laneia’s commentary on the 7am hangover scene is the best part of this episode, IMO.

    oh, also the wedding dress montage. that is the best, too.

  2. I feel so dirty that probably the worst thing in the world has happened to Cori and Kacy and then AHAHAH CUT TO THE GIRL WITH NO SHIRT ON SO FUNNY!! Can they not even pretend to be sensitive? Why won’t IC just leave them alone? I feel like if you ever had to touch that woman she’d be slimey.

  3. thank you so much for that taylor swift graphic.

    you guys i don’t want to blow your mind but i think romi has an abandonment issue.

    why am i still here

  4. Okay, yeah, who the fuck drinks tequila before idk noon? The entire time I was like “plz lauren don’t sleep with kyomi” but i mean how would that even work? Is there such thing as a one brunch stand? idk. lauren and amanda look good, the band stuff bores me, kacy & cori make me cry. why do i watch this. why can’t they have better lesbians on tv.

  5. IDK why but when i was reading through the recap RE Romi&Kelsey I laughed the whole time, like, I can’t take them seriously HAHA (maybe bec it’s just too fake? LOL)

  6. Dear Riese,
    You watching TRLW and then providing the world with these recaps is like when a photographer just happens to capture a mama polar bear throwing itself in front of a bus to protect a tiny baby kitten. So you know, magic, but documented.

    I want to fax you a Pulitzer.

  7. So… being the music freak I am and being that Sara and her family are of Portugese descent, I couldn’t help, but think of Portugese Fado music and “Saudaude” ( with all the screen caps and tears… (Mariza “Meu Fado Meu” [My Fate My], then I pictured Sara’s mother breaking out into a Portugese Fado ballad about her fate and the sorrow she is going through because that’s mostly what Portugese Fado music is all about and it just got even more hilarious in my mind.

  8. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s those grotty knit caps, but some of these girls look like they need a bath. Maybe I’m just too old and cranky at the age of 33. Who knows.

  9. Dear Riese, I am sorry I didn’t comment on the last recap. I just can’t find the right words to express the mixture of boredom and vague disgust that I feel about all these people. Thanks for your hard work, though! I laughed hardest at the weddings part. Love, Silvercake.

  10. I haven’t watched the ep yet, but after reading this, idk if I’ll be able to stand it. the awkwardness, the fakeness, the sadness, and the awkwardness again. I get really embarrassed for people on tv, and reading this was hard enough. watching might be too much. sometimes I have to just close my eyes and plug my ears until the weird parts are over.

  11. This is the one episode I decided to sit down and watch (I’m doing some serious procrastination on my packing duties) and my reaction immediately after finishing it was this:

  12. I love you guys and I love your recaps and all… but seriously… you’re kind of getting old with this whole “we’re forced to recap this horrible show in exchange for web traffic….” if you hate the show so much why are you selling your “souls” just like the people you criticize so f*cking much ?! :S….

    • I had this interview (recap) today and I was really excited about it because I want to get back into working in the fashion industry. In New York, I was a producer for Calvin Klein, um with that, you know, I was booking the talent, I was booking the photographers, the hair and make-up, doing all the things that make the photo shoot happen, so I’m looking for something that I will be excited and passionate about until this whole thing with the website (real l word) works out. Vivian, she’s like when you get out of this interview you need to call me, that’s normally not, just wanting to say hi. I think she feels like I’ve been acting distant and I have because I’ve been so distracted and you know Francine and I had that big blow out. Viv, the interview went really well, I mean the guy was really cool, like gay Asian guy… so I feel good about that, but I’ve been dreading this conversation. Like I feel like you, everything was fine and then I didn’t respond to your BBM… I can’t just be talking all the time!!!!!

      Love hurts, Vivian!!!

      • I wonder the same thing! I don’t see why you’d bother recapping a show that you despise for readers who also claim to hate the show. I’ve also never understood why people who refuse to watch the show, come here to read the recaps? o_O If you don’t care at all to actually watch the show, then WHY do you care enough to read about it? I have never had the desire to see an episode of Jersey Shore & I couldn’t imagine wanting to go online to read the latest recaps of it for fun. It just doesn’t make sense to me…

        • I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say I hate the show and love the recaps. I think given the very limited scope of lesbian representation in the mainstream media, it’s worth noting just how badly this show handles it’s potentially constructive platform.. Riese has a knack for offering up some humor and highlighting the absurdity of these issues. By knowing what distorted, misconstrued concepts and characters are being presented, we as a community are better able to neutralize some of the negative or damaging things being blasted through our tv sets. Sometimes, it’s just good to be able to laugh at our collective misfortune in this situation….and other times it’s good to know where people are coming from when they refer some of the ridiculous ideas that come out of this. I know, nothing is real about “reality television” but I definitely agree with Jill Goldstein’s comment to AS that a greater degree of responsibility should have been taken with regard to representing our community.

    • Yes it’s partially for web traffic, but I don’t think it’s fair for you to criticize Riese and the rest of AS for complaining about recapping TRLW. They are doing a great service to us, the loyal AS readers. I personally don’t watch the show because it’s so bad that it’s impossible to watch without wanting to scoop my eyes from my skull with a rusty spoon. However this kind of makes me feel like a bad lesbian for not watching something, anything, that puts our little community (however misrepresented it might be) in the spotlight.

      Riese your recaps help allay my guilt and your commentary is a million times better than mine could ever be (mostly I just repeat, ohmygod, ohmygod, this is not happening, this is not real life). So thanks Riese and keep up the good work!

    • Ditto! I started watching the show after stumbling onto a recap! I know if I can make it through the episode, I will have Riese’s recap as my reward. Which is why I wait to watch the new ones until after the new recap is posted. Thank you Riese! You make my week!

      On that note, I’m gonna donate again :)

  13. I read this recap because I just KNEW you would have something perfect to say about the backless shirt!

  14. I get so many feelings about Kaci and Cory, like obviously when they signed on for another season they thought it was going to go in a totally different direction, and now their emotionally trying journey is being broadcast between clips of crazy.
    On the other hand, I now totally appreciate Jill and Nikki’s wedding story in a totally unexpected way.

    I am also irrationally annoyed by the speech patterns on this show. I hope no one ever tries to subtitle my speech because it probably is just as jumbled, but as a viewer it’s maddening.

    • also total props go out to Riese for recapping this every week, sometimes I want Autostraddle to have Recapper Appreciation days. But then someone might have to recap it. So there’s that.

  15. This is so awkward. Oh my God. What the fuck, Laura. That just. What? I can’t. Really? What?

  16. thoughts:

    what the hell re: amanda’s shirt

    dead and buried @ the t-swift picture

    “i hate the wind” = kelsey is amazing

    please stop using the word smear…it makes me think of periods and creates a rising tide of vomit in my esophagus…k thanks

    laura taking out her tits = also amazing

  17. THANK YOU for the bit about people using the word “literally” when they’re saying totally not literal things, it drives me crazy! That’s one of my biggest grammar pet peeves along with “try and”.

    Also Julie Goldman speaks the truth.

  18. Jeebus, I really do owe you a bottle of bourbon one of these days, Riese. I can’t even… that was just… what the fuck. All of it. What. The. Fuck.

    I don’t watch but Sara’s mom vs. teh big gay wedding was sooo painful to just read. You put it really beautifully, it’s exactly how I feel towards my parents and I can’t imagine forcing either of them to process such a huge announcement in front of a camera. It’s just incredibly inconsiderate and selfish and I sort of want to smack Sara upside the head for not allowing her parents the privacy and the space they obviously needed and deserved.

    That ending was just….. ugh.

  19. the whole time I was reading this I couldn’t stop thinking what the name of that 90s show at the beginning . but fun fact, when you google ’90s sitcom girl with hat and absent mom’ , Blossom is in fact the first to show :)
    also I did not know Blossom is Amy Farrah Fowler !!!

  20. I haven’t even read the recap yet. I can’t wait to read it on the train this morning! All I can say is Bedazzled Hoodie? Really Whit?

  21. I just wanted to say that Somer’s dog’s breathing really creeped me out. Like ew…wtf.

    • He’s got a bad trachea – it usually just acts up in the summer, but sadly his meds haven’t been working to help reduce the swelling that contributes to it. Small dogs have really small tracheas and unfortunately some have a problem that causes them to collapse. That sound is him trying to breathe.

      That said, he is still a fatty little plant eating monster – and as to rumors that he may have cannibalistic tendencies to ingest other little dogs – well, that I can neither confirm nor deny.

      • Aw.. Now I feel like an asshole.
        I had a Pikegnese when I was growing up and
        she would breathe like that and sneeze all the time.
        It was weird to be around her but she was still cute.
        Your dog is cute too.
        No sucking up here.

      • “Wait until you see us kicking puppies, . . . That’s how Donna and I hang out. We used to have seven chihuahuas but now we only have two.”

        ^the real reason

        In all honesty though, I have a tiny dog and I’m always concerned for her trachea. Poor little guy!

  22. I have so many feelings about this epsiode/recap

    1) The first bits with Sara’s mom made me super sad because that’s the same way my dad reacted. It’s like when you did something bad as a child and your parents said, I’m not angry I’m just disappointed. It is the worst feeling ever because at least when people react with anger (my mother) you feel vindicated in your own anger, and sometimes it just burns out on its own. But disappointment is just so heavy and it weighs you down for so long, it’s present in every phone call, every visit. It has a certain longevity that just makes you so weary and really opens the door to intense self-loathing that can take a fuckton of therapy (both real and drunken friend variety) to get over.

    2) What. The. Fuck. WHY LAURA WHY?! Seriously?! You seemed so relatively normal and now this? And for Lauren?! I can’t even…

    3) Soooooooo much love for Kaci and Cory, they’re the only ones who really seem like real people on this show and I feel like IC is just exploiting their very real trauma for ratings.

    All in all this recap was a veritable roller coaster of emotions for me

  23. Just so you know, I don’t watch ANY of the recapped shows. Couldn’t care less. But inevitably, the same exact thing happens everytime you write one. I log onto Autostraddle, as I do approximately 854 times each day, via the cleverly disguised AS bookmark on my toolbar. I see a recap for a show I never watch. I think to myself: Self, do not waste your time reading a recap for a show you never watch. Do you really care who A is? (no, but I have some theories.) Does it really matter if Rachel Berry gets another lead? (No, actually I want to see someone else with a lead!) Why do you want to know about the “real lesbian things” happening on the Real L word? You ARE a real lesbian! Everything you do is a real lesbian thing! (Excellent question.)

    Yet, slowly, my mouse makes its way over to the article, and I read all 2 or 3 pages and their highly entertaining screenshot captions, snorting with laughter, putting my keyboard at risk of death via coffee-snorted-out-through-my-nose. Every. Damn. Time.

  24. I had a dream last night about the real l word, but instead of the people on the show, it was about all of the players on the USWNT.

    If only..

  25. I can’t explain in a way that doesn’t make me sound like an asshole but I can NOT stand Amanda. Its hard to put into words why but I just hate her. She is so boring but there is something else about her I just hate but I can’t explain exactly why. Ugh.

    I feel bad for Sara which I know isn’t popular opinion. I guess because I went through so much shit with my parents when I came out. I just think that really, being gay isn’t that big of a deal. It could be worse. We could be drug addicts or enjoy going on murderous rampages.

    Loved the recap and I agree, I think this season is boring. And somebody else commented that some of these girls need showers and I agree with that too.

      • HAHA! Thanks! I used to hate it but it has since grown on me. You can imagine the names people came up with. Knuckle, K-Nuckle, Knucklehead. Or just general laughter when nobody could pronounce it correctly.

  26. Thanks for the recap! It was hard watching Sara talk to her parents. Her coming out story was a lot like mine…and I know that when/if I meet someone I want to marry shit will go down pretty much like that (minus the cool dad).

    It sucks to think about how such a wonderful thing will not be so wonderful. However, seeing other people get though it actually does help some.

    It’s possible to be happy even without the support of your family.

  27. I can’t stand lauren her teeth are too big and neither her or her friend have any personality, they’re so incredibly boring. In fact the whole cast this season is shit. Hunter Valentine, whatever about their music, are like pulling teeth to watch.

  28. YOU DO YOU. I always feel like this is some sort of lesbian code. Like when I hear someone say it in any context I want to be like – you know? you are a lesbian too!

  29. these recaps are amaaaazing.

    seriously though, the whole thing about lesbians and eating disorders…can we for reals get an article written on that topic? Amanda’s story was exactly my story back when I was coming out…i’d love to hear how other people dealt with such a difficult issue.

  30. I have a Monday morning routine at my office that is me basically blowing off work so I can read the RLW recap. This morning I couldn’t help but drop my head into my hands and moan like a dying animal when I got to the part where Laura undresses in the street. This of course caused my coworkers to check on me assuming I got news that there was a death in my family. Instead they found pictures of a half naked woman splashed across my screens, thus justifying any preconceived notions they’ve ever had of my lifestyle. I have to thank you, Autostraddle, for that moment. It truly was perfect.

  31. Maybe we should do a Kickstarter to help fund Riese’s recapping liquor supply. I’m sure it’s damn expensive.

    The part with Sara’s mom actually got to me too. It’s not enough to have your parents simply tolerate who you are, if they don’t actually fully accept you, it hurts so bad.

    More and More the person I’m most interested in is Vero. Maybe that’s because she’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut on camera. Or maybe she’s just really cool. I do have a thing for bass players though.

  32. Feelings:

    Sara’s Mother’s reaction was almost as awesome as Whitney’s mother’s look of bewilderment. Of course I love those moments when you are waiting for the perfect teevee response and you actually get a human response.I’m weird though. Also all the time spent discussing their blantant underpreparedness is cute foreshadowing to what will probably be a nice and tidy Mixter-Bettencourt wedding before the season ends…
    I do not understand why they would go to Dinah at all considering the past two seasons depiction of what goes down there. But I will be ready, booze in hand. I bought Showtime in solidarity with and appreciation for these recaps. I think your level of enthusiasm is exactly what we need, but I hope that you see it as more than just traffic, because usually when I don’t have something to say, it is because I am crying from laughter in silence at my desk at work trying not to make a scene.
    I think Kelsey is wonderful, I think Romi is the human version of HSN, I feel tremendous hurt for K&C, but I also feel that in agreeing to do this they are showing the world how truly amazing and supportive we are as lovers.
    This band is terrible except for Vero. Also midmorning boozing is something I’d like to see more of, most of the time.
    The Lamanda storyline is a waste of a good camera crew, but IFC and her mediocre brand of surreality television has no love for the community as it were.
    Props to your nerves and patience Riese. We love what you’re doing here.

  33. I think Romi is on the wrong TV show, her personality and interpersonal relationships would be more fitting for Jerry Springer.

  34. Since when are Portuguese POC? Are Greeks, Italians & Spanish people considered POC too? SMH… I skipped all of Romi’s parts as I was watching the show ’cause I just can’t anymore. I liked the part with Sara and her parents it made her more human (she’s always seemed like a tatoo android to me) although I agree that they should have let her parents process in private. I equally think it’s cruel to have Korci process everything on television, I can just see IC going “oh yeah just like on my other l word show when Tina lost the baby! Yay!” ok maybe she’s not that evil but who can comfirm that she isn’t? Lauren is too gorgeous to be so thirsty over Amanda. How is exposing Kiyomi as a douchebag going to help HV? I want more Veronique!
    that’s it.

  35. I’m really starting to dislike Romi (even more than I already did)- she doesn’t want to be with Jay because he doesn’t love her enough so she’s going to date Kelsey solely based on how much Kelsey loves her, essentially turning Romi into the Jay of the Romi-Kelsey 2.0 relationship. She’s so “me me me” that her basis for a good relationship is how much attention SHE gets and seems to have zero regard for the other person’s feelings. Ugh, she’s a mess.

    Kacy and Cori are the sweetest- it’s says a lot that they would take the time to visit the nurses and thank them for helping them get through the worst day of their lives. I loved the nurse who ran up to hug Kacy, she made me cry a little. She get’s an honorary “best butch on the block” this week.

  36. This episode was so bad, I can’t even. But the biology book in the middle of this recap was hilarious.

  37. Riese, thank you so much for taking one for the team. I wouldn’t be able to watch this show. Also, Julie Goldman speaks the absolute truth!

  38. So when I read this recap earlier there were mentions of Amanda’s ex girlfriend, who was referred to by name…having reread, said ex’s presence in this recap has vanished without a trace! What gives AS??

  39. “it’s a gun rack” another perfect recap, thank you for the LOLs to counteract all the nausea and anxiety the actual episode gave me

  40. “I’m the nice one. Just wait til Nana finds out.” Then Nana and/or Dad turn out to be totally cool!


  41. Wait wait so Somer is with a woman named Donna? Like, they’re Donna and Somer.


    (I can’t be the first one to notice this)

      • I’m honestly not sure why that isn’t a Thing already. Other than the inevitable slew of people who would helpfully point out that the name was misspelled. :P

  42. Ugh. The look on Saraharah’s Mom’s face broke my heart. Along with the K&C storyline, this show is becoming increasingly depressing and insensitive. I’ll probably read the Dinah recap, but after that I’m done.

  43. haha i’m from san jose and once i went to a catholic school that was predominantly portugese. i had a classmate who also had the last name bettencourt…. is that a common portugese name or are there just lots of bettencourts?

    anywho, that thing laura did … what. why??? crazy.

    i lol’d. thanks riese.

  44. Romi makes me want to scoop out my eyes with a rusty spoon and is probably responsible for why my mother finds it so difficult to accept my sexuality (she actually did not only find this show, but ask me if i was “like that jersey shore girl”)

    BUT! Amanda talking about having an ed, and how it can really be tied to your sexuality makes me happy, because its true, for so, so many of us.

    and I got to see Laura’s boobs. which has really been the highlight of this series for me. Especially considering how she gets portrayed in this puppet show, its always good to see a little bit of the crazy that would totally make me want to hang out with these folks in real life :)

  45. is this show ilene’s porn ??? what is the point. Some of these women are also really horrible human beings. Kelsey rock on you are the best !!! Romi you may be self absorbed but you and kelsey together rock !!!

  46. Wish the Producers would explore more of Romi’s background by letting someone, other than Klinger, explain who/ what Romi is/ wants.

    I’m wondering what is with this show and moms…all people have moms, we wouldn’t have been born otherwise. Is there something significant about a lesbian having their mother’s acceptance?

    Still getting names and faces mixed up, the pink hair really helps. The odds of two women knowing each other and having two variations of the same name and being on the same show is astounding. Mostly confusing.

    IC’s next project, The Real Real L Word featuring 5 women named Christina, Kris, Crystal, Kristen and Chrissy.

    • “IC’s next project, The Real Real L Word featuring 5 women named Christina, Kris, Crystal, Kristen and Chrissy.”

      LMAOOOO I would so watch it! True story, I have 3 friends named Melissa (like me) and we’re all lesbians, we had to come out with an eleborate way to call each other when we’re all together.

  47. SO: I haaaate how Romi is portraying bisexuality.
    I cringed at those laura-with-boobs-out photos..

    i haven’t watched but i am thinking about it because i want to see how that brunch scene happened. like, what? how?

  48. I cannot get over how much I enjoy your recaps while at the same time, refusing to watch the show!

  49. Is it bad that I only watch this show for the like, 2 minutes per episode that Laura is present? This one was soooooo worth it.

  50. I’m surprised no one brought up Lauren’s response to the woman wearing a headband at the bar. It made me feel super uncomfortable to watch a person we (as viewers) are supposed to somewhat care about be so rude. Isn’t the point of shows like this to create some sort of community? Lauren so easily went from the ‘I love her but neither of us realize it yet’ pink-haired Everygirl to an elitist mean girl.
    Or am I reading too much into TRLW… Probably.

  51. At this point I’m kind of only watching the show on principle and so I also get the jokes you make during the recap. I legit laugh out loud every time reading these!

    On another note, I’m pretty sure Laura is a vampire. She really creeps me out, but in a weirdly hot way.

  52. Was I the only one totally blindsided by Laura’s topless display? Not complaining – at all – but it seemed like it came out of nowhere. What even.

    Also, agreed, it definitely looks like it is 8am and the thought of drinking hard liquor at that hour makes my stomach turn.

  53. I was gonna leave this one alone but I can-fucking-not. Why was that woman naked in the street? Why? How does this happen? Who lets this happen? I want to puke. Also, at what point are we supposed to believe that Hunter Valentine is a real band? Anyone else wanna punch Kelsey in the face? Anyone? I can also no longer ignore the fact that they all look dirty. Physically dirty not duuuurty. Bored, i’m bored. Bored with Kiyomi and her failed attempt at being Pink. Bored with Flinger. What sick place have we come to that Whitney and Sadahada are the best part of this sick carnival of shit? The only thing that came off as real were the reactions of the newly engaged couples mothers. Because sometimes mothers just don’t get it, and just don’t like it. So thanks for that. Otherwise, this was another episode where I found myself not sure if I should yawn or stab myself.

  54. Ok, so I’ve been wondering this since I first saw her… Is Ali related to NCLR’s Kate Kendell? Because they look SO similar!

  55. So, I’m going to say that, FOR THE RECORD, I’m way fucking concerned about how these women treat each other. There are too many instances of fucked-up-ness to enumerate. I can’t term anyone’s behaviour on this show abusive, because only the folks having to deal with bullshit get to make that call. However, there is some REAL-ASS HIGHLY PROBLEMATIC STUFF.

    I’m so pissed. And, I know you didn’t ask, but here are some great resources for survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and abuse from intimate partners.

    Even just on the not-abusive, just-plain-shitty relationship end of things, Autostraddlers, nobody should have to deal with this crap. There’s no arrangement in the world–no matter how casual or non-monogamous–that justifies the way Kiyomi treats Ali, or Kiyomi treats her bandmates, or Whitney treated everyone. Beware of the assholes who wield short-term/casual arrangements as a bludgeon, and not the mutually-fulfilling, (potentially) low-stakes adventures they can be.

    p.s. Cori and Kacy and Nurses are fucking amazing people.

  56. I haven’t watched one episode of the Real L Word this season but absolutely have to read your recaps…It makes me laugh inappropriately at my desk!

  57. I don’t often comment on here but I felt it my civic duty after Riese’s remark about the paucity of comments last week. For the record, I love these recaps pretty much more than I love the show at this point (and while I’m here, I do poke around so web traffic generator=score.)

    I tried watching this train wreck S1 and had to quit because everyone except Whitney was horrible or boring or horrible and boring. S2 at least was a guilty pleasure. S3 is alas only slightly more interesting than S1, although I still like the cast much better.

    Maybe this show is like the Star Trek movies–only the even numbered ones are good.

    Also, pretty much don’t need to see any more of Lauren, Amanda, Whitney and Sarah’s wedding notebook or Kiyomi ever. The rest of Hunter Valentine can stay though.

  58. i wanted a longer analysis of the laura disrobing scene. that deserves some psychoanalysis.

    also i want these recaps to have more gchat excerpts.

  59. I had to pause my reading of this to tell you something irrelevant: Every time I read “Somer and Donna”, I think of that SNL skit where Cheri Oteri tries to get people to say “simmer down now!”.

  60. I LOVE that they edited so it seemed like Romi broke up with Jay, got back together with Kelsey, and had her move in all in the same 24 hour period.

    • I know. At this point I’m just pretending TRLW is a parody of lesbian stereotypes in order to get through it.

      • it’s the only way to survive watching it. but somehow i can’t stop. and somehow i’m emotionally invested in these storylines! SMH.

  61. Kiyomi is the biggest jerk on television. She’s the most selfish person I’ve ever watched on TRLW.

  62. drinking in the am is for the hungover…if y’all haven’t woken up hungover and then gone out with friends for a triumphant beer fest —
    because your blood is too filled with alcohol and sleeping has caused minor effects of alcohol withdrawal, which are highly physically painful–
    and thus you need more alcohol to feel alive–but too much is when someone gets naked–but documentation makes the future good–

    then y’all. Seriously. You all. All of you have missed something about your early 20’s that is painful and thus a bonding experience. A lesson, perhaps… but please invent time machine and come out come out wherever you are!!

  63. Laura’s flashing struck me as a spoof on the vulgarity of the show’s portrayal of sexuality…but that’s just my opinion.

  64. OMG I finally just now brought myself to read this recap. Obvs not even attempting to watch this shit.

    Laneia: blue’s clues isn’t even on yet
    how the fuck can they be talking about sex


    What this show and these girls lack is humor so thank you for providing that Riese!

  65. I watch it and then I check online here to weigh up my own reactions against AS’s so I haven’t been brainwashed.

  66. i know it’s 2016 and there’s all sorts of lesbian representation on TV but god i still love this show so damn much.

    also, what Mrs Sara said about her family not going to the wedding even for her, even though they love her so much, that was so raw and real to me. because unlike most western cultures, for community-oriented cultures weddings *aren’t * about the two people getting married. they’re about the child of so-and-so getting married to the child of so-and-other-so, they’re about two entire families and social networks truly coming together and blending.

    I’ve been to western weddings where i leave not knowing anyone any better than when i arrived. and i’ve been to brown weddings where i make real friends who i still talk to, to this day.

    anyway. i think this whole western coming out culture makes brown people forget why coming out is different in our worlds, why it might take much longer, an entire generation or two before our families understand. and that’s okay. life isn’t easy and idyllic, but it’s still pretty great when we have the opportunity to make the world better just by existing as our true selves and being brave.

    also riese, thanks for recapping this show. every time i rewatch it [this is my second time this year soo], i reread these and laugh. everyone else seems offended by the insensitivity of this episode, but guys, we’re gay. we need to know everyone else isn’t just playing in glitter and rainbows, that other people are struggling with parents that don’t understand and sexuality and baby trouble. yes it’s hard on the people involved, for sure, but they chose to share their lives with us and i personally feel so grateful and comforted knowing that i’m not alone in struggling with all this stuff.

    especially when all the gays around me seem to have these perfect supportive families whose parents love their partners and invite them over for christmas and i’m still calling my girlfriend a ‘friend’, where we all know what friend means.

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