Hello and welcome to the fourth recap of the third season of The Real L Word, a half-hour sitcom about an intelligent yet mischevious teenage girl struggling to carry entire flower bouquets on her head via Giant Floppy Hats while dealing with an absent mother, working musician father, an allegedly charming dumb jock brother with a lot of hair on his head and a recovering alcoholic older brother. Along with her idiotic-but-hot best friend named after the number of beers her father ingested prior to her conception, she struggles with very special teenage issues like buying tampons, going to second base, peer pressure and marijuana joints.
This week on The Real L Word, everybody cried and everything hurt and I was mostly bored! Are you also bored? Just saying, last week my recap didn’t even get 100 comments, so. Anyhow, I feel like this recap isn’t as funny as usual, but I’d like to blame that on the rain that was falling and mostly on Ilene Chaiken and/or the patriarchy. #BOTP.
Two announcements: we’re raising money and need your support and we interviewed Somer and I think you’ll like it.
We open deep in the bowels of California’s intellectual epicenter: Hollywood, California. Here our newlyengayged couple’s prepping for a trip to San Jose to blindside Sara’s Portuguese parents with news of their impending nuptials.
Sarahara interviews that her parents grew up on a tiny island with one donkey, three dirt roads, a duck pond large enough for only 1.5 ducks and a ramshackle grocery store that only sold rice and wide-ruled notebooks. There were no gay people on this island so therefore Sarahara’s parents know nothing of the gays and their wedded ways.
Whitney’s struggling to select which neutral-toned top, jeans, and stupid hat she’ll don for the big trip:
Whitney: “I can’t with this outfit, I’m not feeling confident —”
Sara: “You look — change your shoes, if that’s the problem —”
Whitney: “— and I need to feel confident because — I think it’s my pants —”
Sara:Â “No, I love your pants, there’s nothing wrong with your pants.”
Whitney: “I think it’s my shirt. I feel like I wanna look like, presentable.”
Sara: “You look like a 15-year-old little skater boy.”
Whitney interviews that weddings are “a whole thing” in Portugal but Sarahara’s unlikely to fit into her parents’ vision of matrimony ’cause she’s marrying a woman. What woman is she marrying?
We then segue somberly back to The House of Sad and Fog, where Kacy and Cori are lying in bed, as they’ve done every day since their whole world imploded.
Kacy: “Cori and I have gotten used to just being here, with each other. It’s been uh, pretty difficult, damn near impossible, to leave the house.”
Cori: “Our lives have just stopped, and we’re shattered, we’re so broken. I just wanna crawl in a hole and pretend that this isn’t my life.”
Kacy: “We are both broken-hearted and sad, and we are there together, sitting there in the pit of hell, and I wouldn’t wanna be in there with anybody else but her.”
:-(
We cut jarringly cross-country, where Amanda and Lauren have landed in New York City for a few days of fun that’ll ideally cure Amanda’s fatal case of The Homesickness.
The Twirlable Twosome are crashing at a dog-urine-soaked Brooklyn pad inhabited by somebody’s male friend and as Amanda showers, Lauren once again interviews to explain that Amanda and Lauren both had girlfriends when they lived in New York and now they’re both single at the same time and they’ve never been single at the same time before and REALLY DO WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, I quit.
“This is our first time out in New York, single,” Lauren explains, ’cause their situation requires (apparently) constant explanation. “This is our first time eating pancakes, single,” “This is our first time accidentally taking the N train to Queens, single,” “This is our first time shampooing our dogs, single.”
Amanda says she’s got some errands to run and will be back in an hour. Hopefully she’ll return with the rest of her shirt.
Elsewhere in New York City, Hunter Valentine are returning from Tour!
Kiyomi: “South by Southwest was awesome, we did a really good job, we busted our asses, but there were some altercations, for every show that Somer sounded really good, there was another show that was a complete catastrophe.”
I really wish this show would embrace the ‘show don’t tell’ ethos, but I suppose that’s unlikely when nobody wants your cameras in their venues.
Somer returns to her lady-love, Donna, and her two dogs, one of which appears to have eaten a third dog or maybe just a very large houseplant, and is relieved to descend into her wife’s arms, far away from Kiyomi’s menacing facial expressions and a van that smells “like fish.”
Somer interviews that after being On Tour, she totally understands how Odysseus felt:
Somer: “All I could think about was just being at home with her cuddling in bed, and she’s always there for me to bounce ideas off of and give me a good perspective and those were all things that I really craved while I was on the road.”
I think that’s ultimately the thing, you know? I mean, there’s sex. You miss the sex when you’re away, but more than that you miss the person who has been processing all your feelings with you for howevermany years, the person who gets you and usually agrees with you and can tell you if you’re being stupid or the other guy is being stupid. It’s the only situation in which life partner seems like the most accurate term to describe the person you miss and love.
Somer explains that when you’re out there on the road with a vicious womanbeast, Smee and Vero The Coolest Cucumber, everything’s just “naked and bloody” and nobody is polite and it’s hard. Somer and Donna have lots of processing to do about whether or not Somer should stay in Hunter Valentine.
We cut cross-country to Sunny San Jose, California, the city Kayak always suggests I fly out of when I’m hunting for cheap plane tickets. What Kayak doesn’t know is that I don’t have a car, so like, I can’t just go to San Jose on a whim in my Lexus with my fiancé or something, like these guys:
Sarahara says they’ve got news. Mãe and Pai strike out once with “you’re moving to San Jose,” and then again with “you’re pregnant.” The latter prediction is totally ominous, obviously. They’ve got no idea what’s about to happen.
In a surprisingly hilarious twist of fate, Whitney’s got no fucking clue what’s going on ’cause they’re all talking in Portuguese, forcing Whit to simmer in nervousness while chugging red table wine and laughing politely at what seem to be the appropriate moments.
Sara: “I’m nervous.”
Mrs. Sara [in Portuguese]: “What is it? You’re not expecting a baby, are you?”
Sara [in Portuguese] : “She asked me to marry her.”
Whitney, who — keep in mind — has no idea what’s been said, smiles nervously as Mr. Sara chuckles benevolently and Mrs. Sara’s face crumples and it’s really sad. You can’t even be mad at Mrs. Sara, because you can see her entire vision of her daughter’s future dissolve into a big black nothing and you can see that she is mourning this life and probably wishes she could mourn it off-camera. Sometimes it’s important to take a step back from our knee-jerk self-righteous indignation at anybody who doesn’t embrace our sexuality and recognize that “accepting” doesn’t have to mean “immediately embracing.”
Sara:Â “Do you guys love me?”
Mrs. Sara: “I love you very much Sara —” [stumbles on her words]
Sara: “Are you sad?”
Mrs. Sara:Â “Well.” [pauses] “Old-fashioned.” [looks down]
Sara: “What do you think? What does that mean?”
Whitney interviews:
Whitney: “So yeah I’m not 100% well-versed on Portugese but I’m pretty well versed on the look of shock and dismay and tears. That’s a dead giveaway. She’s not 100% happy about this.”
Sara sort of purrs and hugs her Mom and tells her she loves her over and over as her mother stares at her fork and her lap and everything but Whitney, who at least shares a kind broment with Mr. Sara.
Mr. Sara: “I love my daughter, and I will do everything for her to be happy. And we really like Whitney and she’s a very nice person.”
Some Sadistic fuck takes this opportunity to interview Mrs. Sara, who clearly needs more emotional support than an exploitative television camera could offer:
Mrs. Sara:Â “This is a big surprise for me. It’s not easy. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m saying this but it’s not easy.” [starts sobbing]
Mrs. Sara: “I never believe in gay marriage. I thought marrying is for woman and a man. Plus it’s not only me, really I don’t believe my family is going to the wedding. They all love me very much. Very much. very close family. But I don’t think they’d do that, even for me.” [starts crying again]
Back in New York Shitty, Lauren’s peeved ’cause Amanda said she’d be back in an hour and now it’s been three hours and she still isn’t back!
I believe we’re being set up to think Amanda is riding somebody’s hobby horse in a secret playpen and Lauren’s being overly possessive but seriously guys, don’t tell somebody to expect you in an hour and then go MIA, it’s ultra-rude, especially if you’re allegedly on a vacation together and have plans later.
Smear to a busy food-and-beverage-related establishment Los Angeles, circa a few months ago, where Romi Flinger and The Slab Of Man have met up to break up.
Romi: “I don’t feel like you really love me. And I feel like I’ve been like, giving way more of myself to you, and feeling like there’s still something that’s like — not allowing you to give yourself for me. I can’t do settling for half-assed from you.”
Jay: “I don’t want you to feel like that.”
Romi: “I do feel like that though, and like when you’re ready to give yourself fully to somebody, it’s gonna be awesome, but it’s not me…”
Romi interviews that being with The Slab of Man pales in comparison to being with the lady Romi already cheated on him with, ’cause that lady is so cute, and funny, and helpful and caring and smart and talented and OH WAIT JUST KIDDING. She didn’t say that. She said that being with The Slab of Man pales in comparison to being with Kelsey because Kelsey loves Romi a lot.
Romi: “I’m looking across and I’m thinking, you’re not ready to be in a relationship with me, and I have somebody who loves me so much. I have Kelsey, who knows everything about me, and she loves me. I don’t think that I can continue, if I have any self-worth, to give myself to somebody who doesn’t deserve me.”
Romi tells Jay that she wants him to fight for her sometimes, and he responds by remaining as sedentary as possible, perhaps to demonstrate his reluctance to battle it out.
Romi: “I’m gonna go and let you do you and me do me.”
Jay half-smiles and offers, “I just want you to be happy, Romi. And if I’m not making you happy then…” and she’s like, “then that’s it?” and he kinda shrugs and she just gets up and leaves without eating or drinking anything! Ugh, I feel sorry for their server.
We zoom on over to New York City, circa a few fiscal years later, where Kiyomi is attempting to mend her ongoing feud with Ali by dressing up Ali’s bedroom like a 90’s R&B video.
Kiyomi: “I hope by me doing this it’ll show Ali that I care about her and maybe we can try and start off on a good note.”
Ali, sporting glasses that make her look cuter than anybody ever thought possible, gushes over the haphazardly scattered botanical gardens and is thoroughly smitten by this Generic Gesture.  Kiyomi waits to be told how amazing she is for purchasing flowers and throwing them everywhere and writing a little note on a piece of paper.
Ali interviews that their relationship is a wild rollercoaster of ups and downs and although the downs are SO DOWN, the highs are SO HIGH that nothing can come between them, which’s literally true as they tend to spend the UPs with their bodies smooshed together.
We then zip on over to Metropolitan, a gay bar in Brooklyn, where Lauren’s gone to talk to the camera regarding how peeved she is over Amanda’s prolonged absence.
Lauren: “Literally screw Amanda, I’m gonna do my thing.”
Literally? If you were literally screwing Amanda, this’d be a very different scene. Unfortunately, just like Lauren, we’ve got no clue where Amanda is, leading me to suspect she’s gone rogue to escape the camera crew. At last Amanda shows up, still lacking the entire back fabric flap of her stylish shirt.
Lauren says she’s been waiting all night and Amanda is like, I’m sorry I had people to see, and Lauren is like, you said you’d be back in an hour and you’re lying and Amanda is like, I couldn’t help it, and Lauren is like, that’s not okay, and Amanda is like, I’M A BABY ALLIGATOR and Lauren is like RAWRRRR MY PRINCESS WILL EAT YOUR FACE and then BAWHWHAHAHRRRR
Amanda: “Come on! Like, I hate this about women, like G-d knows I love women, but I hate this about them, it’s like they never let anything go, and sometimes I feel like Lauren is like my wife.”
Do you know the way to San Jose? I hope so, ’cause that’s where we’re zooming! It’s time for the obligatory wedding-dress-shopping scene!
Wait, sorry. Wrong season.
Wait, wrong Ilene Chaiken project.
Oops! Wrong terrible show I’m forced to recap in exchange for web traffic!
Ah yes, here we are.
Sarahara’s hoping that participating in a commercialized pre-wedding ritual activity will seduce her mother into accepting her engagement. Sara tells the saleslady she’d like to try dresses with straps and also without straps. Gripping stuff.
Sara: “It’s tough, I want my Mom to be happy for me, I saw her happy for my sister when she got married, so it’s like, I know the difference. I saw how she was before in the same situation.”
Sarahara beseeches her matron’s approval on one of many weirdo dresses and Mom offers, perhaps genuinely and perhaps via the magic of editing, “It’s a beautiful dress but I feel like… you can’t have a wedding without a man. No husband.”
Sarahara shares her coming out story, which’s intensely grim: she wrote Mom about being in love with a woman and Mom probs read it, but didn’t want to talk about it.
Sara:Â “I broke into tears and told my mother, what I wrote in that letter is really important to me, and I need her to acknowledge it, and she said, whatever it said, I never want you to repeat it again, I don’t wanna hear about it, I don’t believe it, and I don’t want you to think about ever telling your Dad because it will kill him.”
That’s an epidemic, isn’t it? “Don’t tell your father”? Second only to “don’t tell your grandmother.” Maybe it’s a thing parents tell themselves to feel better about their intolerance — “I’m the nice one. Just wait til Nana finds out.” Then Nana and/or Dad turn out to be totally cool!
We cut back to The House of Sad and Fog, where Kacy and Cori are prepping to rip off the agoraphobic band-aid and head out into the universe, with all its unpredictable terrors, fields of triggers and gross terrible people. First stop: the maternity ward.
Cori:Â “What are we gonna say?”
Kacy: “Hi, thank you so much for how much you made an impossible situation slightly more bearable? Thank you so much for being incredible.”
At the hospital, our favorite twosome are instantly recognized by a gaggle of nurses who accept offered hugs and flowers and almost cry too, just like all of us here at home.
Kacy and Cori interview:
Kacy: “It’s nice to be able to say thank you, but it’s definitely bittersweet… I think I thought that being here again and seeing them would somehow give me some sort of closure, but I have to reconcile in my head that it will never be closed.”
Cori: “Something will always be missing.”
Kacy: “Someone.”
This particular hospital also sports a Butch Lez nurse, who is extra fond of the couple:
Lez Nurse: “I never saw a couple bond the way you guys did, and the way you bonded with Charlie for as long, I will never forget that. That’s what love is, there’s nothing more beautiful than that. So thank you.”
I’ll give you a minute to deal with your Kleenex situation before we move on.
We zoom forward in time and across the country to hit up Brunch in Brooklyn, where Amanda and Lauren are munching with Amanda’s brother, who Lauren notes looks like Amanda. “She’s the girl version of me,” Amanda’s brother explains. “It’s really funny,” says Amanda. I don’t know if that’s “funny” so much as:
Lauren confesses that as a young yellow-haired person she often jerked off to Playboy magazines but also hooked up with dudes just to be sure she preferred ladies, and Amanda confesses that she adorned her boudoir with Britney Spears posters rather than the Abercrombie posters all the other girls liked. Amanda also mentions that she developed an eating disorder that eventually lead to hospitalization, which’s like a whole new ballgame that this show can not possibly handle delicately, but let’s try anyhow!
Amanda: “You feel like you can’t control your thoughts and all that stuff and so you feel like you have to control something else, so like to be able to control what goes in and out of your body, like anorexia is like, a disease, it’s really fucked up.”
It’s a familiar and frequent situation — and a story a lot of lesbians with EDs share — but we’ll save all that for a different kind of article.
Then Amanda’s brother asks when Amanda is moving back to the city, which shocks Lauren’s socks right off!
Lauren: “That completely surprised me and then I thought, well, maybe I’m being lied to again.”
Amanda interviews that she was in love with a lady in NYC which freaked her out, so she fled to Los Angeles and now that she’s lived in Los Angeles for a while and put up with all the unbearable humans there, is wondering if perhaps she made a mistake.
Amanda: “It’s hard, because like, Lauren is my best friend, but I also need to like, do me.”
You do you, Amanda, you do you.
I hope you still know the way to San Jose, ’cause we’re back there for more of this show’s most exciting trope ever — WEDDING PLANNING!
The Newly Engayged Couple is eager to get this wedding underway before the end of the season, and have thus far made no progress. Sarahara offers: “Where do even begin? What do you order first? What do you do?” Sarahara’s mother notices that her idiot daughter and Klingon fiancé are staring introspectively at an empty notebook and gets her glasses on to plan the hell out of this unit.
Mrs. Sara: “So how are the things?”
Whitney: “The most important part we’ve determined is the location. It’s gonna be outdoors.”
Mrs. Sara: “But don’t you call before to come here, you know, already a couple places or no?”
Sara: [lying] “Yeahhh….”
Whitney: “Ummm…”
Sara: “We have to figure it out still, we don’t know but we have to figure it out by the end of the weekend and you will be the first to know.”
Whitney: “And then we have a lot more empty pages.” [flips through a completely empty “wedding planning’ notebook.]
Mrs. Sara:Â “Yeah, I can see that.”
Sarahara interviews that luckily, her Mom is The Portugese Martha Stewart and just like Martha, cannot help herself but to organize and re-organize this event’s melon balls, cake toppers and customized wedding invitations. This’ll enable Mom to focus less on the “lesbian” part of “lesbian wedding” and more on the “wedding” part and therefore solve everything, because the family that crafts together, stays together.
Sara: “My mom, I think she’s happy, I really do. I think that she thinks she’s not supposed to be happy, and I think she’s battling with that. It’s a journey for her as well that I think she needs to grow from it ultimately I think it’s a good thing.”
This is around the time that my dearest friend Laneia got cable to work and began offering me her commentary via g-chat.
me:Â WEDDING PLANNING IS NOT INTERESTING
Laneia: mom actually seems interested and ok with everything
am i crazy
OH they’ve found her kryptonite
CLEVER
CLEVER SISTERS
yes napkins
bars
sweets?
riveting
probs tent it
 me: TENT IT
tent the hell out of that unit
 Laneia: shoulder cuddling
getting a lot of endorsement here
The “coming out to Mom” storyline is a Real L Word favorite as many cast members over the years have found success by sticking a camera in their parent’s face and informing the parent that anything they say can and will appear on National Television. Despite the show’s consistently alarming lack of women of color, however, it seems that mothers of color are the show’s absolute favorite types of mothers to subject to single-episode coming out arcs: Tracy’s Mom, Francine’s Mom, Sajdah’s Mom and now Sara’s Mom. I don’t know what to make of that, but there it is.
We thus swish on over to a Los Angeles Chinese Restaurant, circa December 2011, where Romi is meeting up with Kelsey to discuss their future on this television program I MEAN THE FUTURE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
Kelsey interviews that despite a prior opportunity to suck face with Lauren Bedford Russell, she just can’t get over Romi:
Kelsey: “As long as Romi’s in my life it would be hard for me to move on and be with anyone else. I love her and me and her always have this chemistry, it’s undeniable.”
Kelsey is so thrilled to be dining with Romi that her face nearly pops out of her skin, and it’s adorable, really, almost. Like she’s just so happy. Romi assures Kelsey that she dumped Jay, not the other way around, and also mentions some text messages Kelsey has apparently been sending her, messages saying things like “He’s not the one” and “Whether you like it or not, you’re gonna be back with me.”
Romi: “I got it like, oh my god, this girl is like, in love with me, and is like persistent and doesn’t give up, and that’s like, I love you for that.”
So essentially Romi loves Kelsey for loving her, and Kelsey seems okay with this even if I’m not. Romi interviews that clam-diving with Kelsey is what she needs right now ’cause Kelsey always loves her and “brings a comfort” to her life.  She then informs Kelsey that next time they break up temporarily, ’cause they inevitably will, that Kelsey’s not allowed to sleep with other girls ’cause then they “come at” Romi. “You better keep it in your damn pants,” she says. But…
Kelsey: “I’m horny.”
Romi:Â “You’re horny? You’re always horny.”
My how the tables have turned.
Back in San Jose, Whitney is reassuring the Bettencourts that she and Sarahara are planning a pit stop at the nearest Barnes & Noble to acquire stacks upon stacks of wedding magazines and therefore they’ll likely have the whole she-bang planned before they get off I-5. Then Whitney interviews that she thinks Sarahara’s parents are turning around and it was a good visit.
We smear on over to East Williamsburg, where Amanda and Lauren and their camera crew have clearly overtaken the entire back garden of Huckleberry Bar, enabling Lamanda to peck at each other verbally in relative privacy. Amanda wants a nap, Lauren says they’ve only got a few more days in New York AND THEY HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN ELLIS ISLAND YET and Amanda re-states her desire to nap and Lauren tells Amanda that she’s being a Deb. Woof.
Somehow in this desolate bar apparently occupied by not one but two Real L Word storylines, Amanda spots a familiar face across the ‘room.’
Amanda: “I know that girl. She’s in a really bad band.”
Laneia was 100% positive that this scene was taking place way too early in the morning for this kind of sexual innuendo:
Laneia: what the hell fucking time is it
it looks like 8am
i mean why are you hungover and in public
go back to bed
Lauren thinks they’re cute, so Amanda calls them over — sidenote, these sorts of scenes make me crazy ’cause you can’t, genuinely, randomly run into other cast members, as we’re so often led to believe, because cast members ARE ALSO BEING FOLLOWED MY CAMERA CREWS, which tends to be a bit of a giveaway. Anyhow, Hunter Valentine, minus Somer, eagerly sit down with Lamanda and say they’re hungover and have just returned from Tour.
Amanda and Lauren share an anecdote about exposing their matching scissoring tattoos to their BOTOX LADY (seriously, IDK with these people) earlier that day, bla bla bla sugar rainbows and fairy bread and honestly — BORED.
I think of the three terrible seasons of this show, Season Two was probably the most engaging, particularly ’cause it had weirdos like Claire and Sajdah who kept saying weird funny things. This season every storyline seems to hover somewhere around a Level Francine. I mean, I’ve become mildly obsessed with Romi because she’s the only one I imagine could do something unpredictable this season! That’s sad.
Kiyomi: “So I sit down with Lauren and Amanda. My first impression is that Lauren is pretty hot but it seems like Lauren and Amanda probably hooked up before.”
Kiyomi asks if people always assume they’re dating, and Lauren shares — WAIT ARE YOU SITTING DOWN FOR THIS — okay, sit down. Seriously, sit down, pour yourself an Iced Tea.
Okay, good. Ready? Are you sure you’re ready? Okay. Here we go:
Lauren: “We’ve never been single since we met each other, ’til now.”
!!!!
Anyhow, Amanda ditches the Pretty Party for a nap, leaving Lauren alone with the Indie Punk Rock Hipster Dykes. Clearly sexual tension is lighting the skyspace between Lauren and Kiyomi.
Both Laura and Kiyomi have their eye on Lauren:
Laura: “My first impression of Lauren is that she’s absolutely gorgeous and I think I’m gonna start drinking as much as possible right now to calm the nerves and then, I dunno, try to make a move or something.”
We cut to maybe four months earlier in Long Beach, where Kelsey is moving back in with Romi, since that worked out so well the first time! Apparently, Kelsey’s been shacking up with Mom and Dad since the breakup, and Romi doesn’t need somebody’s parents telling her when she can see her girlfriend.
So far, so good:
Kelsey: “I hate the wind.”
Romi: “Baby, walk. OWW!!”
Kelsey: “Honey!”
Romi: “OW THAT HURTS MY HAND!”
Kelsey: “Let go!”
Romi: “Just pull at the back babe!”
Kelsey: “You’re acting crazy.”
Romi, sporting a look reminiscent of the crackhead who’s always hanging out at the Happy Sudz Laundromat, watches Kelsey unpack her suitcases as they discuss their relationship.
Kelsey: “It feels different, doesn’t it?”
Romi: “Yeah. Hopefully! We went through a lot this year.”
Kelsey: “You seem like a different person to me.”
Romi: “‘Cause I’m sober and I’m older and I’m classier.”
Kelsey: “And sexier.”
Romi recalls that Kelsey went “went Girls Gone Wild” on her post-breakup ’cause she had to learn what Romi already knew about the scene, or whatever — one must sow one’s wild oats before one can truly settle down with a 12-grain loaf. What’s funny, of course, is how rarely this works out for lesbians; how quickly one tends to settle down despite all intentions to the contrary.
Tension in the room escalates as Kelsey registers a complaint about what Romi’s been doing since they broke up:
Romi: “Fool please I would rather be at a straight club with my boyfriend than at every gay club every night with every woman—”
Kelsey: “Okay—”
Romi: “—like a certain somebody I know—”
Kelsey: “So why aren’t you with your boyfriend now, asshole?”
Romi: [laughs]
Kelsey: “I’m gonna fuck you up. You’d rather be with your boyfriend?”
Romi: “Yeah, rather than in the gay clubs with all those fucking thirsty whores! You had to go through it, you had to figure it out for yourself.”
Kelsey: “And you figured out that being with that douchebag guy —”
Romi: “Don’t call him a douchebag.”
Kelsey:Â “Oh, sorry, you love him.”
Romi: “Oh my G-d, Kelsey Grace.”
Kelsey: “I can call him whatever the hell I want.”
Romi: “Baby.”
Kelsey interviews that she doesn’t wanna hear about Romi and Jay’s relationship or Jay’s ballsack. “It’s hard being with somebody who’s bisexual. Like really bisexual. Like if the girl wants dick, that’s not something I can give her.” But Kelsey gave Romi some dick last week, didn’t she? Blah blah.
Laneia: i wish kelsey was being played by alex
me: ditto
Laneia: you are not an adult
me: #ihatethewind
Laneia: i hope k got paid at least $200 for this staged-ass bullshit
BABE
me: jeez
this show makes me say ‘jeez’ a lot.
Laneia: fuck me this is so fake
i will die from fake
We take the 1-605 North to I-15 North to I-70 East to I-80 East to I-280 East to I-80 East and back to I-280 East again to County Road 644/Newark Ave to Tonnele Ave to I-78 East through the Holland Tunnel to Laight Street to Canal Street to Centre Street to Kenmare Street to Delancey Street to the Williamsburg Bridge to Havemeyer Street to Borinquen Plaza to Grand Street, where Kiyomi and Lauren are exchanging cryptic bits of information regarding their relationship status. Lauren gets up to hit the loo and the girls lay it out on the table — they both wanna bang Lauren, but Laura’s not sure she’s got the time:
All this talk of not-girlfriends reminds Kiyomi she owes Ali a phone call, so she leaves Lauren alone with Laura, and Laura goes straightfoward on her ass —
Laura: “I find you attractive and so does Kiyomi and so I think that um, we were trying to figure — we’re best friends, so we don’t wanna — [looks at Lauren] — and you’re checking your phone so I don’t know if you’re nervous or if you’re not interested in either…”
Lauren: “I’m not saying anything. Hello, where is everyone?”
Eek.
Kiyomi, after kinda-sorta-half-promising Ali she’d be on her way to wherever Ali is going, returns to the table with four shots of tequila, which the three nervous nellies eagerly down and Vero politely sips before stuffing a lime in her mouth. Kiyomi interviews that she’s supposed to go meet Ali but “just can’t” because she wants to be around Lauren instead.
Time moves forward like sand through the hourglass and look! Lauren and Kiyomi are outside the bar nervously flirting when suddenly Laura shows up, shirt unbuttoned, bright red Gilligan O’Malley bra peeking out from beneath the fabric folds of her black shirt — but not for long! Laura takes off her shirt:
Vero speaks the truth:
Vero:Â “I walk outside and Laura is naked. People act up in so many different ways, and if you want to impress Lauren, this is not a way to impress her.”
Vero attempts to save her friend…
While Kiyomi attempts to capture this moment for all of eternity…
Laura then removes her bra and begins posing for photographs with passers-by, eventually also removing her pants, which slide nonchalantly down her hips along with her dignity.
me: oh no
Laneia: this is when this happens
me:Â ohnonononono
nonononomn
Kiyomi: “I never expected for my day to end with my best friend walking around topless in the streets of Brooklyn, but when you have a best friend like Laura you never really know what’s gonna happen. Ever.”
Laneia: intervention
shit kiyomi has the tiniest calves
YOU NEVER KNOW what will happen
me:Â marni just left
Laneia: will she turn into a goldfish
will she do a handstand
me:Â def both
Laneia:Â will she wash her hair
YOU NEVER KNOW
What do you think about this, Marissa?
The end!
Next week the entire crew hits up the fabulous Dinah Shore Weekend!
Laneia:Â dinahhhhh
!!!!!!!!!!
you can not
fist
a cat
you know what ruins dinah?
besides a broken foot
?
dinah
dinah ruins dinah
me: dinah is the ruin of dinah
dinah is dinah’s own afterbirth
i can’t believe they made kacy & cori go to dinah
Laneia: ok i’m going to finish off this wine and think about all the things that have brought me to this point in life. and watch full metal jacket.
Comments
Oh, Riese. You are truly doing the Lord’s work.
for the love of goddess, CAN THEY PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM METRO??
IS NOTHING SACRED
hahahahahaha see my comment below. we are on the same wavelength, roomie.
i’ve never had so many feelings about a show i don’t watch.
the sarahara’s mom stuff makes me sad because i can’t imagine telling my mom and making her process on television. i liked what you said about this: “Sometimes it’s important to take a step back from our knee-jerk self-righteous indignation at anybody who doesn’t embrace our sexuality and recognize that “accepting” doesn’t have to mean “immediately embracing.”” yes.
i am really upset about metropolitan being featured on this show even though i don’t really like metropolitan.
i think lauren is really hot and she makes me want to die my hair pink.
laneia’s commentary on the 7am hangover scene is the best part of this episode, IMO.
oh, also the wedding dress montage. that is the best, too.
SMEAR
I feel so dirty that probably the worst thing in the world has happened to Cori and Kacy and then AHAHAH CUT TO THE GIRL WITH NO SHIRT ON SO FUNNY!! Can they not even pretend to be sensitive? Why won’t IC just leave them alone? I feel like if you ever had to touch that woman she’d be slimey.
thank you so much for that taylor swift graphic.
you guys i don’t want to blow your mind but i think romi has an abandonment issue.
why am i still here
Okay, yeah, who the fuck drinks tequila before idk noon? The entire time I was like “plz lauren don’t sleep with kyomi” but i mean how would that even work? Is there such thing as a one brunch stand? idk. lauren and amanda look good, the band stuff bores me, kacy & cori make me cry. why do i watch this. why can’t they have better lesbians on tv.
^this
IDK why but when i was reading through the recap RE Romi&Kelsey I laughed the whole time, like, I can’t take them seriously HAHA (maybe bec it’s just too fake? LOL)
Dear Riese,
You watching TRLW and then providing the world with these recaps is like when a photographer just happens to capture a mama polar bear throwing itself in front of a bus to protect a tiny baby kitten. So you know, magic, but documented.
I want to fax you a Pulitzer.
So… being the music freak I am and being that Sara and her family are of Portugese descent, I couldn’t help, but think of Portugese Fado music and “Saudaude” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade) with all the screen caps and tears… (Mariza “Meu Fado Meu” [My Fate My] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cKv6EHNOTkthen), then I pictured Sara’s mother breaking out into a Portugese Fado ballad about her fate and the sorrow she is going through because that’s mostly what Portugese Fado music is all about and it just got even more hilarious in my mind.
Oh, oh! Here is the English translation for the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOmgh_LviIg&feature=related, whew, this is some funny shit!
Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s those grotty knit caps, but some of these girls look like they need a bath. Maybe I’m just too old and cranky at the age of 33. Who knows.
i’m 23 and i don’t find you old or cranky so i think you might be on to something
Why, thank you kindly…now get offa my lawn! :D
I want to run half of the cast through a car wash! Is ther no soap or water in major metropolitan areas?
Dear Riese, I am sorry I didn’t comment on the last recap. I just can’t find the right words to express the mixture of boredom and vague disgust that I feel about all these people. Thanks for your hard work, though! I laughed hardest at the weddings part. Love, Silvercake.
I haven’t watched the ep yet, but after reading this, idk if I’ll be able to stand it. the awkwardness, the fakeness, the sadness, and the awkwardness again. I get really embarrassed for people on tv, and reading this was hard enough. watching might be too much. sometimes I have to just close my eyes and plug my ears until the weird parts are over.
This is the one episode I decided to sit down and watch (I’m doing some serious procrastination on my packing duties) and my reaction immediately after finishing it was this:
I love you guys and I love your recaps and all… but seriously… you’re kind of getting old with this whole “we’re forced to recap this horrible show in exchange for web traffic….” if you hate the show so much why are you selling your “souls” just like the people you criticize so f*cking much ?! :S….
I had this interview (recap) today and I was really excited about it because I want to get back into working in the fashion industry. In New York, I was a producer for Calvin Klein, um with that, you know, I was booking the talent, I was booking the photographers, the hair and make-up, doing all the things that make the photo shoot happen, so I’m looking for something that I will be excited and passionate about until this whole thing with the website (real l word) works out. Vivian, she’s like when you get out of this interview you need to call me, that’s normally not, just wanting to say hi. I think she feels like I’ve been acting distant and I have because I’ve been so distracted and you know Francine and I had that big blow out. Viv, the interview went really well, I mean the guy was really cool, like gay Asian guy… so I feel good about that, but I’ve been dreading this conversation. Like I feel like you, everything was fine and then I didn’t respond to your BBM… I can’t just be talking all the time!!!!!
Love hurts, Vivian!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soDZBW-1P04
What.
I wonder the same thing! I don’t see why you’d bother recapping a show that you despise for readers who also claim to hate the show. I’ve also never understood why people who refuse to watch the show, come here to read the recaps? o_O If you don’t care at all to actually watch the show, then WHY do you care enough to read about it? I have never had the desire to see an episode of Jersey Shore & I couldn’t imagine wanting to go online to read the latest recaps of it for fun. It just doesn’t make sense to me…
I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say I hate the show and love the recaps. I think given the very limited scope of lesbian representation in the mainstream media, it’s worth noting just how badly this show handles it’s potentially constructive platform.. Riese has a knack for offering up some humor and highlighting the absurdity of these issues. By knowing what distorted, misconstrued concepts and characters are being presented, we as a community are better able to neutralize some of the negative or damaging things being blasted through our tv sets. Sometimes, it’s just good to be able to laugh at our collective misfortune in this situation….and other times it’s good to know where people are coming from when they refer some of the ridiculous ideas that come out of this. I know, nothing is real about “reality television” but I definitely agree with Jill Goldstein’s comment to AS that a greater degree of responsibility should have been taken with regard to representing our community.
Yes it’s partially for web traffic, but I don’t think it’s fair for you to criticize Riese and the rest of AS for complaining about recapping TRLW. They are doing a great service to us, the loyal AS readers. I personally don’t watch the show because it’s so bad that it’s impossible to watch without wanting to scoop my eyes from my skull with a rusty spoon. However this kind of makes me feel like a bad lesbian for not watching something, anything, that puts our little community (however misrepresented it might be) in the spotlight.
Riese your recaps help allay my guilt and your commentary is a million times better than mine could ever be (mostly I just repeat, ohmygod, ohmygod, this is not happening, this is not real life). So thanks Riese and keep up the good work!
Reading your blog every week is what motivates me to watch the show.
Ditto! I started watching the show after stumbling onto a recap! I know if I can make it through the episode, I will have Riese’s recap as my reward. Which is why I wait to watch the new ones until after the new recap is posted. Thank you Riese! You make my week!
On that note, I’m gonna donate again :)
I read this recap because I just KNEW you would have something perfect to say about the backless shirt!
Kelsey is so hot.
This show needs more of her face and everything.
I get so many feelings about Kaci and Cory, like obviously when they signed on for another season they thought it was going to go in a totally different direction, and now their emotionally trying journey is being broadcast between clips of crazy.
On the other hand, I now totally appreciate Jill and Nikki’s wedding story in a totally unexpected way.
I am also irrationally annoyed by the speech patterns on this show. I hope no one ever tries to subtitle my speech because it probably is just as jumbled, but as a viewer it’s maddening.
also total props go out to Riese for recapping this every week, sometimes I want Autostraddle to have Recapper Appreciation days. But then someone might have to recap it. So there’s that.
This is so awkward. Oh my God. What the fuck, Laura. That just. What? I can’t. Really? What?
thoughts:
what the hell re: amanda’s shirt
dead and buried @ the t-swift picture
“i hate the wind” = kelsey is amazing
please stop using the word smear…it makes me think of periods and creates a rising tide of vomit in my esophagus…k thanks
laura taking out her tits = also amazing
THANK YOU for the bit about people using the word “literally” when they’re saying totally not literal things, it drives me crazy! That’s one of my biggest grammar pet peeves along with “try and”.
Also Julie Goldman speaks the truth.
oh my god, finally someone else who hates “try and”
thankyouthankyouthankyou
“Literally screw Amanda, I’m gonna do my thing.”
Gotta say I loved Sara’s dad
Jeebus, I really do owe you a bottle of bourbon one of these days, Riese. I can’t even… that was just… what the fuck. All of it. What. The. Fuck.
I don’t watch but Sara’s mom vs. teh big gay wedding was sooo painful to just read. You put it really beautifully, it’s exactly how I feel towards my parents and I can’t imagine forcing either of them to process such a huge announcement in front of a camera. It’s just incredibly inconsiderate and selfish and I sort of want to smack Sara upside the head for not allowing her parents the privacy and the space they obviously needed and deserved.
That ending was just….. ugh.
the whole time I was reading this I couldn’t stop thinking what the name of that 90s show at the beginning . but fun fact, when you google ’90s sitcom girl with hat and absent mom’ , Blossom is in fact the first to show :)
also I did not know Blossom is Amy Farrah Fowler !!!
srsly tho: i will die from fake
I haven’t even read the recap yet. I can’t wait to read it on the train this morning! All I can say is Bedazzled Hoodie? Really Whit?
I just wanted to say that Somer’s dog’s breathing really creeped me out. Like ew…wtf.
He’s got a bad trachea – it usually just acts up in the summer, but sadly his meds haven’t been working to help reduce the swelling that contributes to it. Small dogs have really small tracheas and unfortunately some have a problem that causes them to collapse. That sound is him trying to breathe.
That said, he is still a fatty little plant eating monster – and as to rumors that he may have cannibalistic tendencies to ingest other little dogs – well, that I can neither confirm nor deny.
Aw.. Now I feel like an asshole.
I had a Pikegnese when I was growing up and
she would breathe like that and sneeze all the time.
It was weird to be around her but she was still cute.
Your dog is cute too.
No sucking up here.
I love that you logged in to explain.
“Wait until you see us kicking puppies, . . . That’s how Donna and I hang out. We used to have seven chihuahuas but now we only have two.”
^the real reason
In all honesty though, I have a tiny dog and I’m always concerned for her trachea. Poor little guy!
I have so many feelings about this epsiode/recap
1) The first bits with Sara’s mom made me super sad because that’s the same way my dad reacted. It’s like when you did something bad as a child and your parents said, I’m not angry I’m just disappointed. It is the worst feeling ever because at least when people react with anger (my mother) you feel vindicated in your own anger, and sometimes it just burns out on its own. But disappointment is just so heavy and it weighs you down for so long, it’s present in every phone call, every visit. It has a certain longevity that just makes you so weary and really opens the door to intense self-loathing that can take a fuckton of therapy (both real and drunken friend variety) to get over.
2) What. The. Fuck. WHY LAURA WHY?! Seriously?! You seemed so relatively normal and now this? And for Lauren?! I can’t even…
3) Soooooooo much love for Kaci and Cory, they’re the only ones who really seem like real people on this show and I feel like IC is just exploiting their very real trauma for ratings.
All in all this recap was a veritable roller coaster of emotions for me
Just so you know, I don’t watch ANY of the recapped shows. Couldn’t care less. But inevitably, the same exact thing happens everytime you write one. I log onto Autostraddle, as I do approximately 854 times each day, via the cleverly disguised AS bookmark on my toolbar. I see a recap for a show I never watch. I think to myself: Self, do not waste your time reading a recap for a show you never watch. Do you really care who A is? (no, but I have some theories.) Does it really matter if Rachel Berry gets another lead? (No, actually I want to see someone else with a lead!) Why do you want to know about the “real lesbian things” happening on the Real L word? You ARE a real lesbian! Everything you do is a real lesbian thing! (Excellent question.)
Yet, slowly, my mouse makes its way over to the article, and I read all 2 or 3 pages and their highly entertaining screenshot captions, snorting with laughter, putting my keyboard at risk of death via coffee-snorted-out-through-my-nose. Every. Damn. Time.
I had a dream last night about the real l word, but instead of the people on the show, it was about all of the players on the USWNT.
If only..
OMG yes I would pay to see that!
When I was watching the game today, I was ogling Pinoe and thinking of how much BETTER The Real L Word would be with her on it.
Noooo! Don’t wish that on her! Anything but that!
Well, maybe not anything. But boy would that suck.
Oh hell yeah, I would definitely pay to see that
I can’t explain in a way that doesn’t make me sound like an asshole but I can NOT stand Amanda. Its hard to put into words why but I just hate her. She is so boring but there is something else about her I just hate but I can’t explain exactly why. Ugh.
I feel bad for Sara which I know isn’t popular opinion. I guess because I went through so much shit with my parents when I came out. I just think that really, being gay isn’t that big of a deal. It could be worse. We could be drug addicts or enjoy going on murderous rampages.
Loved the recap and I agree, I think this season is boring. And somebody else commented that some of these girls need showers and I agree with that too.
+1
Also, I just love your last name. I’ve never encountered it before. :)
HAHA! Thanks! I used to hate it but it has since grown on me. You can imagine the names people came up with. Knuckle, K-Nuckle, Knucklehead. Or just general laughter when nobody could pronounce it correctly.
Here for the screencap of Glee’s deleted-but-released-on-Youtube Bridesmaids scene.
Thanks for the recap! It was hard watching Sara talk to her parents. Her coming out story was a lot like mine…and I know that when/if I meet someone I want to marry shit will go down pretty much like that (minus the cool dad).
It sucks to think about how such a wonderful thing will not be so wonderful. However, seeing other people get though it actually does help some.
It’s possible to be happy even without the support of your family.
I can’t stand lauren her teeth are too big and neither her or her friend have any personality, they’re so incredibly boring. In fact the whole cast this season is shit. Hunter Valentine, whatever about their music, are like pulling teeth to watch.
YOU DO YOU. I always feel like this is some sort of lesbian code. Like when I hear someone say it in any context I want to be like – you know? you are a lesbian too!
these recaps are amaaaazing.
seriously though, the whole thing about lesbians and eating disorders…can we for reals get an article written on that topic? Amanda’s story was exactly my story back when I was coming out…i’d love to hear how other people dealt with such a difficult issue.
I have a Monday morning routine at my office that is me basically blowing off work so I can read the RLW recap. This morning I couldn’t help but drop my head into my hands and moan like a dying animal when I got to the part where Laura undresses in the street. This of course caused my coworkers to check on me assuming I got news that there was a death in my family. Instead they found pictures of a half naked woman splashed across my screens, thus justifying any preconceived notions they’ve ever had of my lifestyle. I have to thank you, Autostraddle, for that moment. It truly was perfect.
Maybe we should do a Kickstarter to help fund Riese’s recapping liquor supply. I’m sure it’s damn expensive.
The part with Sara’s mom actually got to me too. It’s not enough to have your parents simply tolerate who you are, if they don’t actually fully accept you, it hurts so bad.
More and More the person I’m most interested in is Vero. Maybe that’s because she’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut on camera. Or maybe she’s just really cool. I do have a thing for bass players though.
Feelings:
Sara’s Mother’s reaction was almost as awesome as Whitney’s mother’s look of bewilderment. Of course I love those moments when you are waiting for the perfect teevee response and you actually get a human response.I’m weird though. Also all the time spent discussing their blantant underpreparedness is cute foreshadowing to what will probably be a nice and tidy Mixter-Bettencourt wedding before the season ends…
I do not understand why they would go to Dinah at all considering the past two seasons depiction of what goes down there. But I will be ready, booze in hand. I bought Showtime in solidarity with and appreciation for these recaps. I think your level of enthusiasm is exactly what we need, but I hope that you see it as more than just traffic, because usually when I don’t have something to say, it is because I am crying from laughter in silence at my desk at work trying not to make a scene.
I think Kelsey is wonderful, I think Romi is the human version of HSN, I feel tremendous hurt for K&C, but I also feel that in agreeing to do this they are showing the world how truly amazing and supportive we are as lovers.
This band is terrible except for Vero. Also midmorning boozing is something I’d like to see more of, most of the time.
The Lamanda storyline is a waste of a good camera crew, but IFC and her mediocre brand of surreality television has no love for the community as it were.
Props to your nerves and patience Riese. We love what you’re doing here.
I think Romi is on the wrong TV show, her personality and interpersonal relationships would be more fitting for Jerry Springer.
Since when are Portuguese POC? Are Greeks, Italians & Spanish people considered POC too? SMH… I skipped all of Romi’s parts as I was watching the show ’cause I just can’t anymore. I liked the part with Sara and her parents it made her more human (she’s always seemed like a tatoo android to me) although I agree that they should have let her parents process in private. I equally think it’s cruel to have Korci process everything on television, I can just see IC going “oh yeah just like on my other l word show when Tina lost the baby! Yay!” ok maybe she’s not that evil but who can comfirm that she isn’t? Lauren is too gorgeous to be so thirsty over Amanda. How is exposing Kiyomi as a douchebag going to help HV? I want more Veronique!
that’s it.
I’m really starting to dislike Romi (even more than I already did)- she doesn’t want to be with Jay because he doesn’t love her enough so she’s going to date Kelsey solely based on how much Kelsey loves her, essentially turning Romi into the Jay of the Romi-Kelsey 2.0 relationship. She’s so “me me me” that her basis for a good relationship is how much attention SHE gets and seems to have zero regard for the other person’s feelings. Ugh, she’s a mess.
Kacy and Cori are the sweetest- it’s says a lot that they would take the time to visit the nurses and thank them for helping them get through the worst day of their lives. I loved the nurse who ran up to hug Kacy, she made me cry a little. She get’s an honorary “best butch on the block” this week.
This episode was so bad, I can’t even. But the biology book in the middle of this recap was hilarious.
Somer and Donna need their own show
There’s already one in the works.
Riese, thank you so much for taking one for the team. I wouldn’t be able to watch this show. Also, Julie Goldman speaks the absolute truth!
can’t stop laughing
So when I read this recap earlier there were mentions of Amanda’s ex girlfriend, who was referred to by name…having reread, said ex’s presence in this recap has vanished without a trace! What gives AS??
“it’s a gun rack” another perfect recap, thank you for the LOLs to counteract all the nausea and anxiety the actual episode gave me
“I’m the nice one. Just wait til Nana finds out.” Then Nana and/or Dad turn out to be totally cool!
SO EFFING TRUE.
Wait wait so Somer is with a woman named Donna? Like, they’re Donna and Somer.
DISCO QUEENS
(I can’t be the first one to notice this)
i know isn’t it amazing, they should have a two-piece band called Donna Somer
I’m honestly not sure why that isn’t a Thing already. Other than the inevitable slew of people who would helpfully point out that the name was misspelled. :P
Ugh. The look on Saraharah’s Mom’s face broke my heart. Along with the K&C storyline, this show is becoming increasingly depressing and insensitive. I’ll probably read the Dinah recap, but after that I’m done.
haha i’m from san jose and once i went to a catholic school that was predominantly portugese. i had a classmate who also had the last name bettencourt…. is that a common portugese name or are there just lots of bettencourts?
anywho, that thing laura did … what. why??? crazy.
i lol’d. thanks riese.
Romi makes me want to scoop out my eyes with a rusty spoon and is probably responsible for why my mother finds it so difficult to accept my sexuality (she actually did not only find this show, but ask me if i was “like that jersey shore girl”)
BUT! Amanda talking about having an ed, and how it can really be tied to your sexuality makes me happy, because its true, for so, so many of us.
and I got to see Laura’s boobs. which has really been the highlight of this series for me. Especially considering how she gets portrayed in this puppet show, its always good to see a little bit of the crazy that would totally make me want to hang out with these folks in real life :)
is this show ilene’s porn ??? what is the point. Some of these women are also really horrible human beings. Kelsey rock on you are the best !!! Romi you may be self absorbed but you and kelsey together rock !!!
Wish the Producers would explore more of Romi’s background by letting someone, other than Klinger, explain who/ what Romi is/ wants.
I’m wondering what is with this show and moms…all people have moms, we wouldn’t have been born otherwise. Is there something significant about a lesbian having their mother’s acceptance?
Still getting names and faces mixed up, the pink hair really helps. The odds of two women knowing each other and having two variations of the same name and being on the same show is astounding. Mostly confusing.
IC’s next project, The Real Real L Word featuring 5 women named Christina, Kris, Crystal, Kristen and Chrissy.
“IC’s next project, The Real Real L Word featuring 5 women named Christina, Kris, Crystal, Kristen and Chrissy.”
LMAOOOO I would so watch it! True story, I have 3 friends named Melissa (like me) and we’re all lesbians, we had to come out with an eleborate way to call each other when we’re all together.
SO: I haaaate how Romi is portraying bisexuality.
I cringed at those laura-with-boobs-out photos..
i haven’t watched but i am thinking about it because i want to see how that brunch scene happened. like, what? how?
I cannot get over how much I enjoy your recaps while at the same time, refusing to watch the show!
Is it bad that I only watch this show for the like, 2 minutes per episode that Laura is present? This one was soooooo worth it.
I’m surprised no one brought up Lauren’s response to the woman wearing a headband at the bar. It made me feel super uncomfortable to watch a person we (as viewers) are supposed to somewhat care about be so rude. Isn’t the point of shows like this to create some sort of community? Lauren so easily went from the ‘I love her but neither of us realize it yet’ pink-haired Everygirl to an elitist mean girl.
Or am I reading too much into TRLW… Probably.
At this point I’m kind of only watching the show on principle and so I also get the jokes you make during the recap. I legit laugh out loud every time reading these!
On another note, I’m pretty sure Laura is a vampire. She really creeps me out, but in a weirdly hot way.
Was I the only one totally blindsided by Laura’s topless display? Not complaining – at all – but it seemed like it came out of nowhere. What even.
Also, agreed, it definitely looks like it is 8am and the thought of drinking hard liquor at that hour makes my stomach turn.
I was gonna leave this one alone but I can-fucking-not. Why was that woman naked in the street? Why? How does this happen? Who lets this happen? I want to puke. Also, at what point are we supposed to believe that Hunter Valentine is a real band? Anyone else wanna punch Kelsey in the face? Anyone? I can also no longer ignore the fact that they all look dirty. Physically dirty not duuuurty. Bored, i’m bored. Bored with Kiyomi and her failed attempt at being Pink. Bored with Flinger. What sick place have we come to that Whitney and Sadahada are the best part of this sick carnival of shit? The only thing that came off as real were the reactions of the newly engaged couples mothers. Because sometimes mothers just don’t get it, and just don’t like it. So thanks for that. Otherwise, this was another episode where I found myself not sure if I should yawn or stab myself.
Ok, so I’ve been wondering this since I first saw her… Is Ali related to NCLR’s Kate Kendell? Because they look SO similar!
So, I’m going to say that, FOR THE RECORD, I’m way fucking concerned about how these women treat each other. There are too many instances of fucked-up-ness to enumerate. I can’t term anyone’s behaviour on this show abusive, because only the folks having to deal with bullshit get to make that call. However, there is some REAL-ASS HIGHLY PROBLEMATIC STUFF.
I’m so pissed. And, I know you didn’t ask, but here are some great resources for survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and abuse from intimate partners.
http://pandys.org/
http://phillyspissed.net/
Even just on the not-abusive, just-plain-shitty relationship end of things, Autostraddlers, nobody should have to deal with this crap. There’s no arrangement in the world–no matter how casual or non-monogamous–that justifies the way Kiyomi treats Ali, or Kiyomi treats her bandmates, or Whitney treated everyone. Beware of the assholes who wield short-term/casual arrangements as a bludgeon, and not the mutually-fulfilling, (potentially) low-stakes adventures they can be.
p.s. Cori and Kacy and Nurses are fucking amazing people.
I haven’t watched one episode of the Real L Word this season but absolutely have to read your recaps…It makes me laugh inappropriately at my desk!
I don’t often comment on here but I felt it my civic duty after Riese’s remark about the paucity of comments last week. For the record, I love these recaps pretty much more than I love the show at this point (and while I’m here, I do poke around so web traffic generator=score.)
I tried watching this train wreck S1 and had to quit because everyone except Whitney was horrible or boring or horrible and boring. S2 at least was a guilty pleasure. S3 is alas only slightly more interesting than S1, although I still like the cast much better.
Maybe this show is like the Star Trek movies–only the even numbered ones are good.
Also, pretty much don’t need to see any more of Lauren, Amanda, Whitney and Sarah’s wedding notebook or Kiyomi ever. The rest of Hunter Valentine can stay though.
thank you all for commenting!! i feel happy
LMAO @ “biology!” sigh. the orcas really did it for me.
great job, per usual.
i wanted a longer analysis of the laura disrobing scene. that deserves some psychoanalysis.
also i want these recaps to have more gchat excerpts.
I had to pause my reading of this to tell you something irrelevant: Every time I read “Somer and Donna”, I think of that SNL skit where Cheri Oteri tries to get people to say “simmer down now!”.
Me too! Glad someone else noticed that. Such a great skit.
I LOVE that they edited so it seemed like Romi broke up with Jay, got back together with Kelsey, and had her move in all in the same 24 hour period.
I know. At this point I’m just pretending TRLW is a parody of lesbian stereotypes in order to get through it.
it’s the only way to survive watching it. but somehow i can’t stop. and somehow i’m emotionally invested in these storylines! SMH.
Kiyomi is the biggest jerk on television. She’s the most selfish person I’ve ever watched on TRLW.
Every time she speaks I have the urge to…punch her in the mouth.
drinking in the am is for the hungover…if y’all haven’t woken up hungover and then gone out with friends for a triumphant beer fest —
because your blood is too filled with alcohol and sleeping has caused minor effects of alcohol withdrawal, which are highly physically painful–
and thus you need more alcohol to feel alive–but too much is when someone gets naked–but documentation makes the future good–
then y’all. Seriously. You all. All of you have missed something about your early 20’s that is painful and thus a bonding experience. A lesson, perhaps… but please invent time machine and come out come out wherever you are!!
Laura’s flashing struck me as a spoof on the vulgarity of the show’s portrayal of sexuality…but that’s just my opinion.
Thanks for the recap, Riese.
Also, as weird as the flashing scene might have been for me, it seems Laura is pretty comfortable getting her kit off: http://girlgirlscene.tumblr.com/tagged/laura+petracca
So yeah, maybe it was no big deal for her. Plus, they are worth showing off!
OMG I finally just now brought myself to read this recap. Obvs not even attempting to watch this shit.
Laneia: blue’s clues isn’t even on yet
how the fuck can they be talking about sex
<3
What this show and these girls lack is humor so thank you for providing that Riese!
I watch it and then I check online here to weigh up my own reactions against AS’s so I haven’t been brainwashed.
i know it’s 2016 and there’s all sorts of lesbian representation on TV but god i still love this show so damn much.
also, what Mrs Sara said about her family not going to the wedding even for her, even though they love her so much, that was so raw and real to me. because unlike most western cultures, for community-oriented cultures weddings *aren’t * about the two people getting married. they’re about the child of so-and-so getting married to the child of so-and-other-so, they’re about two entire families and social networks truly coming together and blending.
I’ve been to western weddings where i leave not knowing anyone any better than when i arrived. and i’ve been to brown weddings where i make real friends who i still talk to, to this day.
anyway. i think this whole western coming out culture makes brown people forget why coming out is different in our worlds, why it might take much longer, an entire generation or two before our families understand. and that’s okay. life isn’t easy and idyllic, but it’s still pretty great when we have the opportunity to make the world better just by existing as our true selves and being brave.
also riese, thanks for recapping this show. every time i rewatch it [this is my second time this year soo], i reread these and laugh. everyone else seems offended by the insensitivity of this episode, but guys, we’re gay. we need to know everyone else isn’t just playing in glitter and rainbows, that other people are struggling with parents that don’t understand and sexuality and baby trouble. yes it’s hard on the people involved, for sure, but they chose to share their lives with us and i personally feel so grateful and comforted knowing that i’m not alone in struggling with all this stuff.
especially when all the gays around me seem to have these perfect supportive families whose parents love their partners and invite them over for christmas and i’m still calling my girlfriend a ‘friend’, where we all know what friend means.