WE GOT PICS, BABE: Orange Is The New Black Season 4

Orange is the New Black Season Four is just around the riverbend, y’all, and we’ve got brand new pics to prove it. Yup, that’s right. Photographic evidence of actors and actresses reading lines and performing scenes on the set of “Orange is the New Black.” You weren’t expecting this when you woke up in the morning. Listen, I wasn’t either. I got an e-mail this morning from Netflix and I was like WOAH what’s next, Netflix? Season Two of The Great British Bake-Off? Life is full of surprises like this. One day you wake up and you’re 34! Another day — like this day, for example — you sit down and suddenly there is a new picture of Poussey for you to admire.

Because I am a psychic, I am pretty sure I already know what’s happening in all of these photographs. Let’s start with the first photograph. Suzanne is going to say something too loud and Taystee is gonna be like, “don’t say that too loud around here.”

OITMB-006

Nobody wants to hear you talk about anal fisting right now!

Big Boo and Pennsatucky are gonna scope out a new inmate and talk to each other about that inmate in hushed tones.

OITNB-001

Oh, it’s a sailboat!

Everybody is going to get in trouble for something at the same time.

OITNB-005

Okay — Jacob, Leah, and Rachel, I need you on the left side of the platform and the brothers need to come in behind on GO GO GO GO JOSEPH and then Joseph you’ll have to come out — without the coat —

The lady-prisoners are gonna pull some Wentworth-type shit against Piper. You know what I’m talking about. THAT MASSIVE LINENS IRON. That was intense. I accidentally put my fingers directly onto a hot stove about 4-5 times a year and still, my hands hurt just thinking about it.

OITNB-002

Just…let…me…have…one..more…quesadilla

They will be counted. The prisoners! The prisoners will be counted! Suzanne will be nervous, but Taystee will be chill. I feel like this might be part of the same scene as the one up top with Suzanne talking too loud.

OITNB-003

Am I the only one who smells that…?

Sophia will lean forlornly against a door, either arbitrarily or because the source of her forlornish feelings are on the other side of the door. Seriously, stop making terrible shit happen to Sophia, show. Just stop.

OITNB-006

Really? No romantic storyline in season four, either?

Poussey is gonna be really happy about something! Ain’t that a relief. Also, an actress who looks like she could play Norma if the actress who plays Norma wanted to leave the show (like how they changed the actress who played Becky on Roseanne, you know what I’m talking about) will come on the show, but don’t worry, she’s not replacing Norma.

OITNB-004

Heh heh look who’s got all the condiments and Kale now, bitches

Alex Vause is coming back, which means I was right that she didn’t belong on the Dead Lesbians list. Probably she killed that guy with a plant. Now she’s back at Litchfield, thinking about finger-banging, removing her glasses and putting them back on again, running her fingers intensely through her hair, and constantly emanating the aura of somebody one second away from a complete nervous breakdown. But sexy! In this photo she is probably looking at a chicken or some other wildlife creature.

OITNB-007

Damn, that arugula is coming in REAL NICE

Well I’m glad we all had a moment to look at these photographs together and think about our future. What snacks will we eat while we watch Season Four? Is 2AM your cut-off time for going to bed and picking it back up in the morning? Do you feel like it should be a national holiday? I do.

Riese is the 38-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2818 articles for us.

26 Comments

  1. 100% it should be an international holiday! Avoiding social media ’til it’s done is how I get through watching it round work.
    Also the not Norma is the Martha Stewart type lady who was on trial on TV last season – she arrived in the last ep in a Piper-esque manner. Poussey was rooting for her to be sent to Lichfield if I remember right.

    • Maritza does seem a bit tougher than Pennsatucky and , plus she has a bigger support system so if something does happen (though I am praying that it doesn’t)Aledia, Gloria and Flaca especially would be right behind her and more than likely kill Coates.I could see her accidently killing him. I have a strong feeling that he’s going to die I can’t just see him raping people and getting away with it all season. I would go so far as to argue that Pornstache is the lesser of two evils because at least his motives were strictly about money and he also didn’t lure women into a false sense of security.

  2. I know this is the most first world problem ever but last year and this year I’ve been away/will be away for when OITNB premiers on Netflix. Which means 1) I can’t host an uber cool OITNB party at my house like I did 3 years ago for season two and 2) I have to spend as little time as possible on social media or around ANY queers I know until I have come back from my travels and watched the whole damn thing.

    It’s tough being me.

    • You can download a proxy like Hola VPN and still watch Netflix while abroad! And you should totally find a way to organize an OITNB party wherever you are. I bet there’s gotta be some queer types who will be in the vicinity who would love to tune in together.

  3. I think I am going to watch this all in one go, to make up for last year when it premiered the same day the US was playing a game in the Women’s World Cup and I had to skip both to go to a bachelorette party for an acquaintance thrown by the moms at the preschool she works at. It was the most heterosexual thing I’ve ever done and I’m still bitter about it a year later.

  4. I’m conflicted. I wanna watch an episode and then go to the movies with my sister to watch “Finding Dory”. But then again I know (since I just spent these past three years) I’m going to finish it all in one go.

    Maybe this year will be the year I watch one episode per week (to control myself). Or should I watch it all in one sitting? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

  5. From one of the photos, seems like Bennet is back in Litchfield.. more baby drama for Dayanara and him?

    Can’t wait to see how Poussey and So-So is doing… and most of all, will Nicky be back??

    Urgh… June can’t come soon enough…

  6. Piper Chapman is sent to prison for a 15-month stint after being charged with transporting drugs. In prison, she is reacquainted with Alex, her former lover. She must change to adapt to prison life.

  7. Predictions (hopes) for the season;

    -Piper will stop. Just- stop, in general.

    -That door will open and Sophia will lead a glorious revolution with the other inmates, who’ll get rid of the guards and wardens that messed with people because dang it they’re meant to be in a position of care.

    -Norma’s church will break off and make a cult in the woods somewhere, though now worshipping the chicken.

    -Poussey and Soso will get a happy ending involving a cute ass flat, a kitten, and Taystee coming over for weekly movie nights / dinners, at the very least.

    -HAPPINESS FOR NICKY!FOR SUZANNE! For everyone tbh. Feelings shall remain intact.

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