FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Ooo Baby Baby (Ahh Push It)

Welcome to Friday Open Thread, a parallel universe where only the sexy people (all you fly mothers) can get on out there and dance and Salt-N-Pepa never had to stoop to stumping for Geico to stay relevant. Also, a place for you to release your woes and triumphs into the queer abyss, share cute pics of your furbabes and your human babes and your cyborg babes, and just, like, a place to hang out on a Friday night with some chill friends.

If you have not been following my social media closely, which I assume you haven’t, you may have missed my most significant life update. I — yes, I, KaeLyn Elizabeth Lee Rich — am officially knocked up with my very own Baby T. Rex. Some of you know that my spouse and I have been trying to conceive since last year and over-processing about it for almost two years before that. We finally did the thing. Or, rather, we bought some swimmers and paid a medical professional at a fertility practice to do the thing. After a few rounds of what I (to Waffle’s dismay) liked to call the “hot beef injection,” we found out we were preggers in December. We started letting the rest of the world know a few weeks ago.

It’s pretty major, you all. Like, we’re going to be responsible for another human life… for the rest of our lives! WHAT DID WE DO?!

So that’s happening. Pretty cool, pretty cool. We’re not finding out the assigned sex. We have a gender neutral name picked out and we don’t want to start putting gender stuff on our baby before it’s even born into the world. We also don’t want an all-pink or all-blue explosion, so not finding out kind of forces our well-meaning loved ones into gender neutral gifts and hand-me-downs. Until the baby gets born and then there will probably be a mini-explosion of pink or blue, but we can at least put that off for a while. For now, we’re having fun planning for a dino-themed nursery and emotionally preparing our fragile and sensitive cat for a new little sibling.

Jeter is not ready. Not at all.

Jeter is not ready. Not at all.

Also, it’s kind of fun to mess with people, I have to admit. It absolutely boggles people’s minds that we’re not finding out, particularly salespeople when we buy baby clothes. Even though we’re in our mid-thirties, people think we look younger. Plus, I’m not showing too much yet and we look very, very gay, so we confuse them right off the bat. And then the gender stuff comes in. Here’s a convo I’ve had several times over the past couple weeks (which is when we finally let ourselves start buying some fun stuff like clothes):

Salesperson: “Oh, these are cute! Do you need a gift receipt?”
Me: “No, thanks. They’re not a gift.”
S: …
Me: “They’re for us. We’re expecting”
S: “Oh, congratulations, ladies! You’re having a boy! How exciting!”
Me: “No, we don’t know the gender.”
S: “So you have a little boy at home?”
Me: “No, this is our first.”
S: “Oh… Are you going to find out?”
Me: “No.”
S: “Why not?”
Me: “We just want to be surprised!”

Smile and run away.

Separate topic, I really wish that gender-neutral baby clothes didn’t just mean some boy clothes. Every store is distinctly separated by gender and the girl side is just, like, uber uber pink and frilly. Not that a boy can’t wear pink and frilly, but, like… can I get another color choice? If T. Rex likes pink and wants to wear it when they’re old enough to express these things, that’s cool, but I don’t really like the idea of forcing it on them. And then on the boy side there’s a lot of like, “Mommy’s Heartbreaker” and “Cool Dude” and “Daddy’s Little Guy” and stuff like that. So we end up buying the neutral-est stuff we can find, typically on the “boy side,” mostly dinosaurs and monsters and animals.

In other news, I recently saw Zootopia and love-love-loved it! You should go see it right now. I laughed. I cried. I listened to the children around me in the theatre squeal, which made me squeal. I mean, it touched on sexism, tokenism, institutional racism, has a female protagonist, and Shakira plays a peace-loving pop artist names Gazelle. (She’s a gazelle.) It’s good. Really good. Would I lie to you? No, no I wouldn’t.

Also, we procured a waffle maker, so that has improved our lives 100%. I’m really interested in making savory waffles. Has anyone ever tried that? How did it work? Any recipe or topping suggestions?

chili and cornbread waffles by pinch of yum

chili and cornbread waffles by pinch of yum

Tell me, tell me, tell me what’s going on with you! What are you eating? What are you cooking? Are you on spring break? Are you cramming for midterms? Do you have wise parenting advice for me? Have you seen any good movies lately? What’s in your Netflix queue? Did your cat vomit on the stairs and then you stepped in it before you even had your coffee (because boi oh boi have I been there)?

I wanna know what’s up, you sexy people! Push it, push it real good!

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KaeLyn is a 40-year-old hard femme bisexual dino mom. You can typically find her binge-watching TV, standing somewhere with a mic or a sign in her hand, over-caffeinating herself, or just generally doing too many things at once. She lives in Upstate NY with her spouse, a baby T. rex, a scaredy cat, an elderly betta fish, and two rascally rabbits. You can buy her debut book, Girls Resist! A Guide to Activism, Leadership, and Starting a Revolution if you want to, if you feel like it, if that's a thing that interests you or whatever.

KaeLyn has written 230 articles for us.


  1. Friday!!!
    I straight up just realised it was Friday because I saw this thread pop up, and I’m now super excited.

    The biggest chunk of my time right now is being spent on work / job applications. I am technically contracted to three jobs, but two are inactive and all are zero hours contracts that I can’t really rely on except to supplement my student loans, sooo, summer job needed!

    Especially since I’ve decided to keep my flat, now that the whole year of least has run up. (How the heck time went by that fast I don’t know.) I love my flat though, it’s my safe-hermit space, full of my books and a duvet and witchy stuff and an ethically found hand cleaned lil rabbit skull that sits on my bookshelf and I get butterflies over because it was a gift from my fave person ever who’ll be returning to the country from study abroad soon. <- Long sentence right there.

    But yeah, boosting myself is a thing right now. After a bit of a breakdown I got a pep talk from my mum the other week, in which she told me to stop being mean to myself because I do have employable skillz, I just have to /believe/.
    ..I may be paraphrasing there.

    Movie avoiding advice – Do not see that clusterfail of a film Sausage Fest when it comes out. I have no sense of self preservation so I read the script, and there are things I cannot unread that I wish I could unread.

    Happy Friday people!

    • Zero hour contracts. Yes, verily, I understand that. The taxes are particularly irksome, on top of the lack of stability. But you’ve got this! You deserve stability and a company that appreciates you and gives you what you’re worth!

      Good luck!

      • Thank you! Currently working on getting said taxes back from a previous position, so when that comes in yay money buffer. (Or bathbombs, depending on my mood.)

        Have a good weekend, if weekendy funtimes are coming your way / in general <3

    • This Friday feels so good, doesn’t it? Somehow we made it through another week!

      Good luck with the job apps! You really just have to put yourself out there! I hear you with the multiple jobs. I tend to hold one steady full-time gig and an assortment of random freelance or contract gigs that supplement. It’s that kind of economy right now, though. Personally, I like the variety. But yeah, I hope you find something you like well enough that will pay the bills on your flat! YOU CAN DO IT.

      A coworker just suggested I watch Sausage Fest. I don’t know what it is or why. Should I not?

      • I watched the trailer.

        I can sum it up spoiler-free with Seth Rogen “male” hot dogs and creepily designed “female” hot dog buns.

        The trailer made me laugh in a way only evil little children laugh as they smash cake or potatoes.

        • It’s a whole new level of strange. I’d read the script leak there is online before you commit to sitting through it, just in case.

          And thank you! Gainful employment shall be miiiine, I just need to keep sending the apps :)

  2. Congratulations! It’s quite late on a Friday here and I’m camping on the floor in my study as I wrote this because my pregnant sister in law is staying so I’ve given up my bed. They also aren’t finding out what sort of bits the baby has, which I think is awesome. I came across the same baby clothes problem when buying them a present, so just bought a picture book about Jane Goodall instead.

    A lot of my week has been taken up with making an amazing playlist for a party this weekend. Literally all I have organised for this party is the playlist (110 songs from 1990-2000), alcohol and a Nintendo 64 with Mario Kart. The party is tomorrow night but that’s enough time to organise the unimportant details like food :P

    • OMG I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY THE BOOK YOU ARE REFERRING TO. Kid’s books are, like, my favorite thing and our registry is filled with queer and feminist and diverse board books, along with the standard Eric Carle, Dr. Suess, etc. When I’ve had to buy a present for a pregnant friend or for their kids, I almost always go with cool books. There’s a series of classic novels (Frankenstein, Jane Eyre, etc) that I particularly like to get as gifts.

      Your party sounds like my youth and I want to come! You should consider Dunkaroos as a 90’s themed snack. I wish they still made Pepsi Blue!

    • I love that – when in doubt, buy a Jane Goodall book instead :) Oh, and everyone knows the playlist (+ alcohol) is the most important part of the party anyway.

  3. MAZEL TOV!!!!!!! You’re preggers!!!! OMG there’s a human growing inside of you!!!!!! I’m so excited for you!! BABYYYYYYYY!!!!

    I’ve had a weird week. Last night, I went to my former place of employment to see a show, and I saw some former co-workers, and feelings were felt, and I ended up crying on the subway home. What’s that quote about things changing vs. staying the same? While I felt shitty last night, I’m realizing I’m in a good place and made the right decision leaving that job. It’s still on my mind, though.

    I’ve also had weird dreams lately. Scary, disturbing dreams.

    Also also, this has happened too many times in the recent past: I had plans for a date, she had to reschedule, I texted to reschedule and never heard back. :(

    I got Carol/The Price of Salt (the book), and I’m still in the beginning, but it’s a gorgeous book.

    • Thanks, @caterrachel! We’re pretty excited about it! It’s pretty weird, toO!

      Sounds like an emotional night at the theatre. It sounds like the crying was necessary and maybe even cathartic. Change is hard! Nothing in life is permanent, though, you know? Like, new paths will show themselves or paths back to things you thought you left behind. THE FUTURE IS VAST!

      I hope reading The Price of Salt gives you happier dreams. <3

  4. Congratulations KaeLyn! It’s great to hear that all your efforts have worked out! It must be a relief and a terror and a joy all at once.

    Regarding savory waffles – this I have not done. BUT I’ve made savory ebelskivers a bunch of times. They’re little pancake-esque balls that are (I think) traditionally sweet-ish, usually with apple filling. When I’ve done savory, here’s a few things that have been good:
    Stir some thawed frozen spinach and a little dried oregano into the batter, serve with crumbled feta
    Or, add a little cornmeal to the batter, along with minced jalapeno and thawed frozen corn kernels; serve with tomatillo salsa
    Or, stir some grated (frozen, maybe, lol!) potatoes into the batter and some finely chopped green onions

    These are just a few I’ve done, maybe they’d translate well to waffles? As far as making it a meal…I’m a bit stumped. As a vegetarian, some of the obvious things are no-go’s (grilled chicken, etc.) But maybe some grilled marinated tofu or tempeh might be good.

    Good luck with your waffle quest!

    • YES IT IS ALL OF THAT. Joy, terror, relief. That’s kind of exactly how it felt to look at that pregnancy pee stick in a NYC hotel room 4 months ago. It still feels kind of unreal!

      “Ebelskivers” is the best name of a food I’ve heard in a while. They sound delicious. And I think I could definitely adapt your savory recipes to waffle batter! Jalapeno and corn and salsa sounds perfect! I’m drooling.

      I’m a former vegan (now heathen omni) who still cooks mainly veg at home, so yeah, I would totally put some marinated, baked tofu…or breaded tofu patties…on top! Vegetarian chicken and waffles sounds delicious, actually. Why didn’t I think of that?!

  5. AHHH congratulations! That’s so exciting! Good luck as the pregnancy goes on :)

    As for me – I haven’t been this happy about it being Friday in a while. It’s been a tough week for me, especially at work where I had to leave before I had a breakdown yesterday (those are always fun…). So I’m definitely going to get lots of me time in this weekend. I’ve been reading Shonda Rhimes’ “The Year of YES” and I LOVE IT. I’m also in the middle of my second burlesque dance class and I am having a blast. So body-positive and fun at the same time.

    Although I’m excited for Friday/the weekend, I can’t wait for Monday because that day marks six months for my girlfriend and me. It may seem small/unimportant to some, but to us it’s big. Not only is it my longest relationship to date (and hopefully my last one), we’re also long-distance. It sucks hardcore, especially because I can’t see her next week, but for right now it’s worth it.

    Have a good Friday, everyone! Treat yourself to something nice today :)

    • Shonda Rhimes’ The Year of Yes plus burlesque sounds like an amazing life choice combination!

      Happy 6-month anniversary! I hope you so something when you get to do something nice for her, even if you can’t be physically in the same space for your celebration! Maybe show her some of those burlesque moves. ;)

  6. Also Also Also (heh) CONGRATULATIONS! Delayed congratulations because I went on a google spree for neutral baby clothing shops. The internet has failed me.

    This site gives profits to babies who need help, though.

    Savoury waffle batter with tomato purée/basil through the mix is awesome for making waffley pizza bases.

    • WAFFLE PIZZA. Thanks for changing my life forever!

      Those clothes are really cute! We have definitely been leaning towards animals and patterns. I like the bright green elephant one!

      • You’ll need to let us online peeps see your teeny new family member’s fave fashions when they’re around. (I’m also a fan of the elephant one – my cousin just had her baby on yesterday so I’m going to order some of the clothing online.)

  7. Yay for Friday! Yay for waffles! Yay for a baby!! And to get your (creative?) juices flowing here’s my youngest doing what spogs do best… :-) Have fun!!

  8. CONGRATULATIONS! And I definitely approve of dino-themed childhood :-P Advice-wise, though, the only thing I can say is don’t use corporal punishment on your child- even if it seems innocuous at the time, it really can screw them up later in life (as my counselor and I are slowly discovering :-( (though on the plus side, I’m finally getting some real genuine confidence in myself, probably for the first time ever)).

    In other news, today’s my birthday! I’m celebrating by going to a lab meeting, then hopefully getting a beer with my labmates, and then my fiancee’s parents are taking my fiancée and I out to dinner. Also- provided we’re still awake enough for it- there’s a really queer-friendly adult store that I want to check out afterwards to get something to wear for Pride (I figure given that I *finally* I have a body I love, you better believe I want to show it off :-)

    • I agree with you about that sort of punishment. For a long time, I’d reflexively throw my hands in front of my face any time someone would even raise their voice at me, for fear they were about to hit me. I’m sure other folks have had similar experiences.

      On a more positive note, happy birthday! I hope your dinner at other stuff go well tonight! =)

      • Yeah, it finally clicked as to why I always start getting anxious and scared someone’s going to hurt me whenever there’s any sort of argument or emotionally tense conversation, and why I’m so afraid of standing up for myself. It also explained why I’ve always tried to mold my identity and presentation to keep everyone around me happy (which obviously didn’t do great things for my psyche, and probably why it took me 26 years to realize I was trans).

        On the plus side, just realizing this has allowed me to become much less afraid and more daring. I feel like I can finally be myself without fear.


      I hope you have a wonderful day with all your favorite people!

      And I agree, “tough love” can definitely go too far. We don’t hit in our household, in general, and that’ll definitely be extended to our future kiddo, too.

    • Happy birthday, and yay for body love!!! I hope you find something fun and exciting and prideful to wear.

      Yes. I’ve argued against corporeal punishment so hard. Even if it’s just a slap, physical threats of violence can majorly screw up a kid. It’s never okay. I once saw my cousin get angry at his little sister (they’re 4 years apart, he’s 6) and he raised his hand to slap her, but then thought better of it and pulled away. I love that he already understands that he needs to override his instincts and be careful with other people. He’s such a sweetheart. I hope as a society we come around to that way of thinking; some people contend that we’re too quick to call child protective services these days, when really we’re just too slow to come up with better methods of parenting.

  9. Congratulations!!!! So exciting. So exciting! Yay!

    I think your cat will be ok.

    Waffles are my life. For anyone without a waffle-maker, might I recommend wegmans buttermilk waffles? Pretty legit.

    This week, I got offered the job I wanted, turned down the one I didn’t, and resigned from the one I’ve been doing for the past year and a half. So that’s all pretty cool. I don’t feel quite as relieved/happy as I thought I would, though. Maybe once I start the job, and move. Speaking of–anyone looking to fill a room? Hit me up.

    Hope you’re all doing great and getting outside and meeting all your goals! Have a wonderful weekend!

    • Our cat is going to have to adjust, but he doesn’t like people who aren’t us, loud noises, children’s laughter, any noise that sounds similar to someone knocking on the door, fast-moving feet, shoes, and the list goes on. I’m sure he’ll come around. I’m also sure he’ll hide for a few days before he does.

      I live in Rochester, NY, where Wegmans is a local god, so I will 100% take your Wegmans waffles recommendation!

      It sound like your year is off to a great start!

  10. Congratulations!!! Good luck! Being pregnant must be so scary yet so exciting. I wish you all the best.

    This week has been pretty exciting for me. First of all, I have made a recipe from an Autostraddle recipe list for the first time EVER! (The skillet chickpeas. They were delicious.) Now, I’m writing a comment on the friday open thread for the first time ever! Both of these things are big deals for me since I’ve been reading Autostraddle since I was very young and in the closet (about… 16 years old?), and now I’ve suddenly been an adult for years and throughout all this Autostraddle has been formative for me. And I decided this week to get involved and stuff, so. Hi!!!!!!

    On top of this amazing development I have APPLIED FOR UNIVERSITY. This is the third time I’m trying to go to college (g-d help me) but I think this time… I can do it. The first time I was 16 years old and I picked the first thing that came to mind. The second time I went to art school. (Interesting, and I learned a lot in those 3 years, but no thanks.) I’m.. ah. running out of money now, and I hope that THIS ONE IS THE ONE. GERMAN/LINGUISTICS (one? both? a fusion? I’m not sure yet.) HERE I COME.

    Oh, by the way, congratulations on now having a waffle iron! I wonder what would happen if you mixed tomato sauce through the batter and made red, tomato-flavoured waffles… they might be good! With basil or something… Hmm.

    • @fieto Well hello there and welcome to FOT! I’ve only just recently started commenting myself, after lurking for quite some time. Good luck with the learning! Linguistics sounds like an interesting field.

      • Thanks for the warm welcome! I love love love linguistics. The best moment of my recent life was when I realised what exactly it was… y’know? I always loved the different fields within it but suddenly I understood that all of those fields are just different ways of LOOKING at language, of analysing and interpreting different sets of data!! WHAT IS LANGUAGE???? IT’S SO MUCH!!! sounds! definitions! social cues! abstract concepts!

        ANYWAY!! I’m very happy to be joining you in de-lurking! I hope your weekend is awesome!

        • It sounds like you’ve found your perfect major! If it excites you and you actually enjoy reading nerdy think-pieces and studies on it, you have FOUND YOUR FIELD! YAY!

          • I made the skillet chickpeas too! :)

            I added some cayenne pepper as well, they were really good

    • Fair warning: linguistics is a lot more science-y than you’d expect. Lots of mapping and charting and raw data to muddle through. It’s fascinating, but I know I went into it thinking that it would be more… creative.

      Also: please learn from my mistakes and don’t take 3 languages in a semester. I took German, Irish (Gaelic) and Italian in my first semester, and it was not pretty. I kept swapping languages mid-sentence in class, which confused the hell out of my profs and classmates…

      Sorry if this sounds really negative, because I’m not meaning it that way. It’s more that knowing this stuff beforehand can save you many headaches and (potentially) many dollars.

      • :D Fear not, I still have to go through a procedure for both German and linguistics to see if I should start or save my dollars (euros, actually.) And thankfully I already speak German! I definitely know the problem, though. I spend some of my free time on learning Hungarian and Polish and man, mixing up those two sets of pronounciation rules is NOT FUN. Here’s to taking on too-big loads of languages!!! We’ll get there one day :)

        • I am always so impressed by people who speak multiple languages. It’s incredible. What is it like inside your brains? I really want to know. I always struggled with languages… I loved German, though, even if I was a poor student. I was an English major and it just fit perfectly with that. However, I can’t remember a lick of it now. :/

    • WELCOME, @fieto! Welcome into the sun! I’m so glad you chose to comment this week. The comments are where it’s at! One of my favorite things about A-Camp last year was meeting people who I knew from the comments IRL. It’s pretty incredible the kind of community that happens in the Autostraddle comment section. I can’t wait to read more of your thoughts and feelings and learn more about you!

      Tomato-basil waffles sound pretty decadent to me! Maybe topped with some mozzarella and fresh basil or, like bruschetta?

      • Thank you so much!!! I think I’m going to cry! It feels like yesterday that tiny baby gay me was looking at the internet (Autostraddle and effingdykes mostly!) where there were all these lesbians and bisexual women and other lgbt folks INTERACTING and HAVING OTHER GAY FRIENDS and they mentioned other gay people they knew… in their real lives! It all seemed worlds away to me. I spent so long on the outside looking in… I felt like I would never have that.

        Fast forward five years and 10% of my friends at the MOST are straight, I have a girlfriend, and I’m talking to you!!! In a comment right here and now!!! This feels utterly amazing. I’m so happy.

        Also, about your language-related comment: my head isn’t much different from any non-bilingual person’s, I think! My native tongue is Dutch and I’m fluent in English, mostly this expresses itself in me thinking in English when I am being dramatic and need all the fancy phrases, and in Dutch most of the other times. It’s creepy how saturated with English my world is, though. It is encroaching on Dutch both inside of my head and in Dutch people in general! I can see in real-time how Dutch language rules are changing thanks to our constant exposure to English. It’s cool but also somewhat unnerving!

    • Hey I just wanted to say that German and Linguistics is exactly what I did at uni and it was the best (especially the linguistics) and I love seeing other language geeks on the web!

      • @samtheturtle This comment made me so happy that I jumped up and down on my bed. THANK YOU!! I feel like this is something I can actually accomplish now! It’s real! I can’t wait to see how this will all pan out :) What did you end up.. uh. doing with it, so to speak? Do you get to use your language geekness often?

        • Yay! Glad to be of help :)

          I now teach English as a foreign language (I’ve been working in Spain for 3.5 years now), which basically means I am a full-time professional word geek. Lots of my languages/linguistics friends have ended up in teaching or translation or academia, but I also know plenty of people who went into other stuff (publishing, law, journalism, non-profit stuff, working for the UN or the EU, mysterious government work, accountancy, even two people who changed track completely and are medical doctors now) – there are a lot of ways to eventually monetise your language geekiness! Seriously though, linguistics does give you a lot of useful analysis skills (it is more “scientific” than people imagine) and being able to speak other languages obviously opens doors too, so languages/linguistics graduates really do have a lot of options available to them and that’s an added perk :)

  11. Congrats KaeLyn!

    Re: savory waffles, I’m not sure this would work in a waffle maker, but I’ve made some really yummy broccoli cheddar pancakes – I had them at a restaurant once and then made them for myself later by sauteeing some broccoli and adding that and shredded cheddar to regular pancake mix. I made them for a large group and lots of people thought they’d be weird but they were actually delicious! We ended up making them in the oven though (because the pan wasn’t heating and we were out of time…it’s a long story), so I’d be a bit worried about the potential complications of cheese melting/sticking in a waffle maker, but it’s also potentially very yummy. I dunno if the different consistencies of pancakes vs. waffles would matter either…anyway. Something to consider if broccoli and cheddar is a food combo you enjoy.

    • Thank you! This is a great suggestion. Waffle (my human and yes, that’s his actual last name) loves broccoli cheddar soup! I might try your pancake idea!

  12. Congratulations on your baby! I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy and with the delivery too. =)

    I really have any wise parenting advice to give. I’ve never wanted kids. I’m too scared that I would end up being like my mom (…or my dad…or both of them). I could probably suggest a bunch of things not to do that based on my own experiences growing up, ha ha.

    There’s no spring break for me, as I am not in school. I also don’t have a cat, so any vomit on the stairs is probably mine (j/k, ha ha). I hope your cat is alright!

    I haven’t eaten anything today, come to think of it. I just haven’t been hungry. I’ll probably have a salad for lunch, but it’s not lunch time yet, not here anyway. I would like to see Zootopia, it looks really cute.

    • Thanks! I hope everything goes well, too, or as well as we can hope for!

      I actually never wanted kids, either, and that hasn’t changed, fundamentally. What happened is a married someone who really, really, really wants kids and I realized that I was actually open to the idea. It’s still not on my Top Ten List of Life Goals, but I think it’s going to be pretty awesome and life-changing now that we’re doing it. But, anyway, I understand the feeling of not wanting kids. And I’m sure we’ll mess up the kid in some way because all parents do, to different degrees of awful. I hope we mess them up in the best way possible, though. Haha.

      I’m also not in school, though I’m teaching a class at a university and the students are on break.

      Our cat is an asshole. We’ve made sure there’s not something else going on. He just eats too fast and them vomits up his food. Usually right where I can step in it.

      I hope I didn’t ruin your appetite. TOTALLY SEE ZOOTOPIA. It is one of the kids’ movies that’s just as fun for adults!

  13. Oh also has gender neutral, fair trade, (kinda pricey?) baby basics. I’ve bought grownup clothing from them and have always had a good experience.

  14. Congrats!!! I’m so excited for both of you! Yeah, I wish people were less rigid about gender. :/

    Cooking… No waffles, but I’ve been trying to find a new piece of produce that I haven’t had in a while each time I go to the store. Last time, it was asparagus. Asparagus = stinky pee.

    In other news … Look at this beautiful rainbow I saw on the beach! It’s a full arc!

    Nothing much to say – busy with work, busy preparing for grad school. Still can’t believe I’m moving to florida in a few months to start grad school. I’m nervous about lots of things, but mostly scared I’ll relapse into my anxiety disorder and/or eating disorder and/or drop out like my last attempt several years ago. But you have to keep trying new things, and I’m feeling genuinely optimistic and hopeful and grounded this time around.

    Life is an adventure, and I think my biggest fear is stagnation. Sometimes it seems like a puzzle, a story fitting together. I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in making the most of the universe I happen to inhabit, with all its twists and turns.

    So I try not to ruminate on worries about the future and to sit comfortably with uncertainty. Sitting with uncertainty: that’s a hard thing to master, but I think it’s a valuable one.

    Getting excited about a-camp! I’m actually having dreams about a-camp. And grad school. Though the latter are mainly the “I’m late and can’t find my classroom and am stark naked!” kind. But everyone is really cool in my camp dreams.

    Have a good week, everyone.

    • Beautiful picture!

      I’m glad you’re not having anxiety dreams about A-Camp, though it may be one of the only places you could show up stark naked and not have to worry too much about it, as long as your intentions are good! (That’s not a suggestion, btw, just an observation)

      I also struggle with stagnation or what I call, “sitting still.” I’m always go-go-going and plotting and planning for the future. That said, I don’t think it’s always a bad thing, as long as you don’t set yourself up for failure. I agree with you that sitting with uncertainty is a wonderful thing to master. I like the idea of being open to life’s possibilities, while still leaving room for appreciating the moment you’re in right now.

      Good luck with grad school and the move to sunny Florida!

      • Thanks for the encouragement. Yeah you’re right that there is nothing wrong with stability. But I also know that I tend to sometimes get complacent and not fight my demons and pursue the goals I want to achieve because staying in place feels “safest.” Some times it’s easy to let the fear of failure immobilize me, I guess, so I try to constantly push myself to try new things.

        Or maybe I just have a fear long term commitments that will last for years. I can’t imagine buying a house or having a kid. I think parents are really brave- partly because it’s something I think I could never do.

  15. Hello world!

    Congrats on your baby human on the way! That’s so great about not being all gender-stereotype-y too- even as it confuses people (but that’s half the fun!)

    I just started uni again – I’m three weeks into a new postgrad degree, a Masters in Primary Teaching (that’s elementary to you guys!). And it’s great! A bit of sociology here, a bit of psychology there, a bit of arts education there (like visual arts/music/media arts… we got to talk about comics this week!), a bit of wanky academic terms there which I also love.

    I already teach little monsters the drums so it’s not a huge stretch (but also is?) to imagine teaching classroom with many more kids, all. the. time.

    The reality is too that I’m not sure what I want to do more- teach classroom, try go into education policy (should probs teach first anyway so I’m more relevant at this?!) OR stay at uni forever and try do academia around education as a thing.

    On that last one, it’s particularly relevant because *womp womp* the SUPER GREAT AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT just gutted and has (semi-secretly) announced plans to axe a school program by the Safe Schools Coalition, basically designed to support LGBTIQ youth. This comes AFTER a review was done by the government (after complaining by conservatives). The review was positive. But still they swung the axe.

    It’s actually pretty fucking awful and maddening- they’re going after our community’s kids.

    Also not great given we’re having a ridiculous, stupidly expensive nationwide opinion poll (plebiscite) this year on same-sex marriage, which is going to be leaking the most smelly conservative vitriol into the public sphere for queer kids to take on and which may cause them to cry themselves to sleep at night (or much, much worse).

    So a big fuck you to the Australian government, for your spineless attack on LGBTIQ youth in this country. Well fucking done. Yes. I am angry.

    On that note too, it’s all dramatic at the mo because this radical socialist group in my city basically overturned the office of this local outrageously offensive/whacky conservative MP Cory Bernardi and scared his wife and staffers. They did so partly because Bernardi has been one of the biggest attackers of the Safe Schools program / against queer people in general. (He’s a ‘marriage will lead to bestiality!’ kind of guy… one of those).

    Tonight, rather than doing homework (later! the night is young!), I’ve been in a big discussion with a friend about whether overturning his office and angrily chanting helped the cause.

    I was pretty mad that that group -who posit themselves as being about social change- basically made themselves/the left/queer people/queer activists look terrible in the media because of their behaviour. This hurts the LGBTIQ cause(s). Hurting the cause makes it harder to campaign for the Safe Schools program to be supported.

    However my friend felt that it was unfair that I was telling these people how to be angry and that that was divisive to the queer community to say such things (which was a compelling point. I think people have a right to be angry and there’s nothing wrong with that. I can’t tell them how they act. However – especially as people who position themselves as ‘within the cause’, I argue they need to take responsibility for how their actions help or harm the cause).

    ANYWAY. It’s all making me think a lot about change – which I love to think about tbh. One of my faves.

    So the question(s) for you today is/are this:

    a) how does public, destructive anger at oppressors fit meaningfully/usefully into social change? (in this essay question you get to define ‘meaningfully’)

    b) Can social change be had without forms of violence?

    c) If violence is necessary, what sort and when?

    d) How does nonviolence fit in- especially as a way to invite oppressors to consider you as equal and as a person? Can this be effective?

    For this question you can choose one of those to explore in depth or answer them all. Thank you class / brains trust.


    • The Australian Radical Socialists in my experience can get pretty insufferable (and I say this as someone whose Aussie social groups tended to have a lot of these people). A lot of crying about “justice” without recognizing their own privilege (e.g. hosting an ‘anti-racist’ meeting with only one non-White person – me – and expecting me to do all the outreach work). So I feel your pain on that particular level.

      The Government and the radicals, both a right mess!

    • Ugh, ugh, ugh. Yeah, activism is messy. I’m a community organizer by training and background and I’ve definitely been sitting where you are. I’ve also seen the benefits of radical action. I personally think that we need all sides of the spectrum. The radical conservatives need to be balanced by the radical left. That said, most of the work policy-wise and culture-shifting-wise happens somewhere in the middle. Progress is, unfortunately, often slow and progressive.

      I have a problem with people who co-opt other movements and should over them. For example, straight allies from the socialist party who take the mic at a marriage rally or who put Black people in danger by orchestrating a march without a permit, knowing police interaction might happen.

      I think that radical queer and trans activists deserve to have their voices heard, though, and they often move the conversation forward by putting themselves on the line. Stonewall in the US was a series of police riots by mostly poor and marginalized queer and trans people and POC. Many of the organized gay and lesbian movements at the time were shocked and disgusted by Stonewall. They thought it looked bad for the movement and hurt the policy change they’d been trying to move forward for decades. Now, we celebrate Pride everywhere in the U.S., complete with corporate sponsorships, and mark it is a day of liberation. We may have forgotten what the roots are, but Stonewall is what Pride is supposed to commemorate and Stonewall was a radical and violent uprising. So anyway, I think it’s not simple! There’s truth to both what you and your friends are postulating. I think the harder thing is to figure out where you stand, as an individual. Do you want to be in the middle making policy change? Do you want to me on the streets disrupting the status quo? How do you hold both in your heart?

    • Interesting questions… I think it was wrong to attach Bernadi in such a way (as ridiculously awful as he is) Its not like it was in any way ever going to help the cause – as you say, only hinder it. Something like that is utterly unconstructive and motivated purely by spite and desire for revenge rather than a desire to create change or protect our LBGTIQ kids.
      Its like playground logic (in the theme of teaching) – if some kid takes your lunch money, should you smear their schoolbag with dog poo or look for other ways to solve the situation?
      I can kind of understand violence when there are no other means left to advocate ones point of view – but we do have other means to advocate for ourselves in Australia. Sure we are allowed to be angry, but there is no excuse for violence when we have options for peaceful protest, casting our vote at the upcoming (hopefully bloody soon!) election and our voices in the media.

      Getting rid of safe schools sucks so much though. My cousin is in year 6 at a NSW primary school and Trans. Literally a month ago when I was catching up with her, my Auntie was telling me about all the training of staff that was done at my cousin’s school through the safe schools program, and the training that was already scheduled at the high school she will go to next year. Its made her school so much better equipped to promote her safety and the community’s understanding, and she even got voted by her peers and teachers into a leadership position for grade six. Devastating that she won’t have this support as she tackles high school!

  16. Congrats! That’s so exciting!

    My big news is that I have a girlfriend now! Which is so exciting! We live together in a house with 5 other people and we were roommates before we started to have feelings for each other, and then we were drunk-roommate-makeout-buddies and then friends with benefits and then cute dates started happening and then I started kind of trying to get her to date me for real, and it finally worked! She’s probably the cutest girl ever, and also my best friend. I’m super jazzed about it.

    Tonight my dad is coming to the city where I live and we’re going to see a concert. My dad and I have always been pretty close but this is going to be the first time we’ve spent quality time just the two of us since I came out to him over the phone a while ago, so hopefully that goes well. He’s been supportive from afar up until this point.

    As for the waffle question, one time we made savory waffles (with garlic and oregano mixed into the batter) and then one of my roommates turned them into grilled cheeses, with waffles as the bread. I would recommend them to anyone, as hungover as we were or not.

    • Way to go! That story sounds like the plot of a romcom (but like, a good one).

      And your waffled grilled cheese sounds like the perfect union of two perfect food items!

    • Those grilled cheeses sound like they are life changing. Holy shit.

      Congratulations on new girlfriend! Limerence is so fun! (that’s the sciencey word for why you feel high all the time when newly in love)

    • YAY for best friend girlfriends! Also, waffle grilled cheeses sound like the perfect comfort food. Totally doing that!

    • I’m so super jazzed about your girlfriend and the fact that you have five roommates like maybe it’s saying something about my level of loneliness / how much of a shut in and also a sap I am but you, Internet Stranger, and your current life updates got me all happy feeling

    • Ahh, waffle grilled cheese!!

      I did not know how interested I was in savory waffles until this thread.

  17. Yay congrats! The world definitely needs more parents who are chill about gender.

    I have had a v intense (political organizing) work week but I’m feeling great this Friday after going to my weekly poetry slam last night. Over the last 6 months I’ve started making myself go every week and get inspired by other people and write poems I didn’t know were POSSIBLE—but I still put a TON of pressure on myself. Last night was by far the best I’ve ever felt with my performance slamming and I was also able to talk more to the Really Good People Who Intimidate Me and got good feedback from them!! And my heart just exploded 500 times in the best way <3

    • That’s amazing, @lindsay-jill-2! Slam poetry just fills my whole heart. I hope you continue making connections in the slam community. Do you share your work anywhere? On Youtube or anything?

    • I love that picture!! Slam poetry is always so beautiful and intriguing to me… It’s something I’ve been wanting to try for ages! Your comment has inspired me to maybe start trying my hand at some poetic writing :) Congratulations on your success <3 It's so lovely to see that hard work really does pay off sometimes. You deserve all the feedback and heart explosions!

  18. Parenting advice: just know from the get-go that you are always going to be doing the very best you know to do, and that you’re still going to fuck some things up. There’s a 99.9% chance that, 18 or 20 years from now, you’re going to be amazed and delighted by the strange, wonderful person you grew. (Note: this may be simple projection of my own experience as the parent of a 19-year-old. Your mileage may vary.)

    Latest binge-watch: My folks and I just finished watching a 3-season series called Wish Me Luck, about British agents aiding the French Resistance in WW II. It was populated with strong, smart women and (mostly) incompetent, clueless men, so my inner misandrist was amused. But it was pretty tense all the way through, plus WAR ugh and Nazis. So, mixed bag.

    A couple of days ago I was whingeing in a FB post about KY’s latest iteration of a “religious liberty” bill (aka “License to be a Pious Asshole” or “#10 Can of Big-Ass Ugly Worms”) and grumbling about, well, stuff, when one of my friends stopped me short with this: “You are worthy and beautiful and strong and brave. Fuck that bill.”

    Made my week, that did.

    • Thanks, @willowrose! That’s really reassuring and helpful. I’m sure we’re going to mess it up 1 million ways, but if this future human comes out semi-decent, I’ll be pleased.

      This is the first I’ve heard of Wish me Luck Will have to check it out. I like strong, smart women and I also like WWII narratives, so it might be something I’d enjoy!

      I hope you continue being awesome and giving a middle finger to the patriarchy this weekend and for many weeks to follow. Amen.

    • Oh man–my entire family is from Kentucky. All the sympathy for the fucked up politics.

  19. Postscript to all my waffling.. ;-) Can’t you just make ‘gender neutral’ waffles that are neither sweet nor savoury, and then jazz them up with grated cheese/ herbs/ eggs/ whatever? I’m no waffle-expert, but that’s what I do with pancakes at least. Regarding gender-neutral clothing I just stuck mainly with brights and neutrals with my 4, and yeah, animals are always a winner. My youngest was a big fan of multi-coloured polka dots as a baby, so everything was dotty for a bit. Mine have all gone through various clothing phases- including a fair bit of pink and frilly at times, but they seem to grow out of it on the whole ;-) And most of our early stuff was hand-me-downs anyway, so they wore what we were given pretty much! Here’s the pic I was messily failing to post up the thread there a bit- been a long time since I used my Imgur, hence the wobblies. Hope you have a great pregnancy with the very minimum of grottiness. Your baby will be luck to have you both! x

    • Thanks again! And yes, we are hoping for hand-me-downs, whether they be frilly or not. It’s just so funny. My mother-in-law feels as though she can’t buy any clothes until she knows the gender. She’s also holding onto BAGS of pink-and-frilly stuff from my niece that she only wants to give us if it’s a girl. Which is kind of fine because pink isn’t my style. But it’s just weird (or, I guess, typical) how strongly because have these ideas ingrained in them. I hope our kid, when they’re old enough to know what they want, will feel comfortable wearing whatever colors or designs they like. Whether that’s trucks or princess dresses or dino onesies. That’s the goal! But we’re not too militant about it. Thanks for sharing your experience! It’s helpful!


    I am hanging out with a small human today (he is thoroughly occupied with stacking cups right now) and yes, I made savory waffles recently by slamming a couple of pieces bacon in the middle of the waffle batter. I would also try some caramelized onions and Gruyere? I didn’t cook the bacon first, but it did make them greasy/ I had to clean the waffle iron more intensively than usual. Winds up being the same amount of work/depends whether you have to do the hard work at the beginning or end. I bet scallions and something else would also be dope.

    Whoops, baby needed to eat and then pass out.

    I’ve been fine! I’ve been working a lot, and am tired and need to really lay down and take a nap. I just started taking insurance and it’s a hassle, but will hopefully not take on too many insurance clients. Bleh.

    This week I reread the color purple, which I was obsessed with when I was a teenager, and it was different and lovely and similar to how I remember only in very small ways. Rereading it I just felt a little more deeply how intensely sad it was, and I think when I was a teenager it was one of not that many books I could find that was so specific to women’s experiences, and was about a lot of things including being in love with another woman.

    There’s this part that’s very small, and it’s about the main character who is watching the woman she’s in love with sing, and so is her husband, and the singer is looking back at her husband, and her heart hurts, and she says something to the effect of “but that’s the way it supposed to be, but if that so, then why my heart hurt me so?” (Paraphrasing)

    And that line just slated me for YEARS, like this piece about queerness and how we know to expect something different from ourselves but the organic response of our hearts and bodies are rebelling from the ways this are supposed to be, and what the fuck, and what do I do, but i can’t ignore how intense this feels.

    I have been trying to revisit eating a little bit less meat, just because I got in a rut called always-chicken-why-eat-anything-besides-chicken, and this has mostly shaken out to eat a lot of variations that includ tomatoes/black beans/cilantro/chilies/greens, at least lately. I get really deep into a flavor profile for a few weeks and my girlfriend was like PLEASE NO BRASSICAES FOR AWHILE.

    I’ve also been engaging in buying higher quality canned tomatoes rather than buying fresh during the winter, because food maps blah blah and I feel pretty good about that.

    I have been playing at writing for the Internet, and some internet commenters rained on my parade this week (about the form, not the content) so I felt pretty crummy about that so my solution lately has been to spend lots of time away from the Internet reading and going for walks and not fucking around with the comments section, except here.

    Babe and I are gonna go get our taxes done later today, I am hoping it feels empowering and not stressful. Bc accountants know things and babe has used her in the past so she will be nice to us and not bitch about my record keeping, right? Hope not.

    It’s been so pretty in Seattle! Nothing is better than a sunny crisp day when the trees are flowered out.

    And kiddo is asleep and the tiny weird dog of this family is curled next to my thigh, and I’m a little worse for the wear this week, but I’m okay.

    • Internet commenters can really get in your head. The AS comment world is an unusual space. 95% of the time, we are kind to each other. But congrats on writing and getting traffic on your writing! Even if it’s not exactly what you want to hear, it means someone is reading your work!

      I hope your weekend brings some rest and you get to enjoy the nicer weather with your family!

      • thanks! yeah, my feels about it have simmered down, and I mostly get more positive feedback, something in particular about this piece really ratcheted up the trolls. anyway, thanks, it’s been a pretty slow putter-y weekend. hope yours is equally chill.

    • Aw, I hope you got some nice comments too. I feel like you deserve some, karmically.

      • thanks sweetpea! and generally, yes, this is really the first time that internet has reached out to smack me, so it was a little bit suprising, because folks have generally been kinder. it’s okay tho.

  21. KAELYN! Congratulations! I am beyond thrilled for you. I will prolly come back later and say other FOT stuff, but for now, just wanted to say SQUEEE!

  22. My sister had the same dilemma as you re dressing her kid (who’s three and a half) in gender-neutral clothing that wasn’t all rehashes of boys’ clothes. The kid wears some pretty cool hipster stuff, including some dresses, though they seem to really be into dino/dragon hoodies.

    I have a UTI that is somehow treatment-resistant :( third kind of antibiotic today, I hope it works! But at least it is not dengue.

    • Yeah, we are totally pushing them into dino hoodies. HOPE THEY LIKE DINOS. They will probably hate dinos. OH WELL.

      So sorry about your health stuff. YUCK. I hate UTI’s. I just feel gross and, like, afraid to pee all the time. Keeping my fingers crossed that it passes soon.

      • Thanks! The funny thing is that the peeing isn’t actually the problem (I had symptoms for like 2 days and then I was fine) – it was the daily fever! I got tested like a zillion times and it was always “huh your UTI hasn’t cleared up yet”.

  23. Congrats on the mini human! I don’t know if it’s recent thing about everyone wanting to find out the sex of a baby, but it has always made me throw up in my mouth a little. Especially the “gender reveal” parties. Blarrggghh. Heteronormativity at its worst. Almost 29 years ago, my parents didn’t want to find out the sex of me and it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t remember much because I was in utero, but there was a lot of mint green and yellow purchases involved and my nursery was a duckie theme. I guess my parents were laying the ground work for their child to give the finger to gender norms so they totally succeeded right there with their gay-as-hell-MOC-daughter! Hahaha

    Life for awhile was a struggle, BUT I recently accepted a job as a writer for a very popular entertainment news website and I’m absolutely stoked! My beat will be overnights (Hello, fucked up sleep schedule). I don’t want to reveal the name here but it begins with U and ends in X. I’m also starting to volunteer next week with a non profit that helps LGBTQ homeless youth where I live! Oh, and I’m catching a Phillies spring training game. Maybe we’ll do alright this year.

    • Congratulations on the job!! Night shift people are often super cool (and shift differentials are nice), but yeah there is the sleep aspect..I’m sure you’ll adjust!

      Have fun at the game! I’m hoping to follow them more closely this year. I always have an awareness of how they’re doing by the conversations around me, and I have some (fond?) memories of bring yelled at by drunk men at the games of my childhood, but I’ve never felt super invested before.

      • I’ll be working from home, so it won’t be so bad when I’m cuddled up in my pajayjays writing during the wee hours.

        Oh, Philly how I miss thee. I’ve been a Phillies fan since they went to the World Series in ’93 despite growing up in a total Red Sox household. When I moved to Philly for college, it was when we were REALLY good. Probably one of the best moments of my life was when they won the World Series in ’08. I just turned 21 and I was living in the heart of the Gayborhood at the time. Ah, memories!

    • Congrats on the job!!! That sounds amazing. I worked overnights in fast food for a couple summers. It does mess with your sleep schedule, but my body adjusted after a couple weeks. I hope you love it!

      Gender reveal parties are not my thing at all. I don’t fault other people who have them because whatever, you do you, but yeah, just “No,” for us. I think part of it is that it’s so easy to find out now. You have to request it if you don’t want to find out the assigned sex. So most people just find out anyway. Like, literally everyone is asking us why we’re not finding out, so we’ve taken to just saying, “We just want to be surprised!” That seems to be an acceptable answer when we don’t want to do a Sex and Gender 101 lesson with a stranger.

    • Congrats on the job! I too was a green, white and yellow baby. Yay to avoidance of gendering the unborn!

  24. Congrats on the future tiny human!!!

    This week has been looking up for me in a big way. My boss (actually the CEO of the agency I freelance for) brought up the possibility of promoting me to a full-time, in-house position. It’s a very big maybe, but I’m pretty impressed that he’s even considering it given that I’ve only been with the agency for a month and a half. Also, I stood up for myself (a Big Scary Thing for me) and asked for a rush rate on a project, and this CEO accepted it without question. So I’m just… feeling like I might actually be doing OK at this Adulting thing?

    Another bonus: a local LGBTQ+ space is moving soon, and they’re giving away most of their stuff instead of paying to move it. So I managed to snag an office chair, a few board games (including Supernatural Clue) and some books, and all it cost me was the Uber fare.

    • YAY ADULTING! Sounds like your boss is really seeing what a badass employee you are and that’s all on you! So good job!

      What is Supernatural Clue? Does it involve Tim Curry as a succubus? I’d play it, is what I’m saying.

      • From what I can gather, it’s like standard Clue, only instead of discovering who murdered who, you’re figuring out who opened the demon portal (hint: it’s always Sam). It seems like a pretty self-aware commentary on the show. No Tim Curry as a succubus, though :(

  25. Holy moly congrats! That’s so super exciting!!!

    I’m writing this on my phone while in the Apple store cuz oh baby this lil mama has a failed hard drive and I’m such a noob about everything that this is how I have to spend a portion of my Friday.

    Let’s seeeeee… I’m hoping to get a promotion in the next few weeks. I’ve been part time for almost 2 years. I love where I work, but ugh it’s ABOUT TIME! I definitely need the extra money. I’m also doing research on other orgs and companies as well just in case ya know?

    I’ve lost 50lbs and I’m still going! I’m actually looking forward to hitting the gym and tackling that stair master. I’ve struggled so long with body issues, not feeling comfortable and confident in my own skin, but I’m so happy I’m moving towards a healthy and self love lifestyle.

    I’m also counting down the days to camp! It’s literally my first vacation in many, maaaaany years.

    • Fingers crossed for you on the promotion! I hope your computer is well, soon. That sounds above me pay grade, too. If it involved something INSIDE the computer case, I’m useless.

      CAMP IS ALMOST HERE. I wish I was going this year, but I’m so excited for all of you who are! Have so much fun for me!

  26. Congratulations KaeLyn! I’m happy for you.

    I’m studying for A Levels etc which are just over 2 months away and considering that I might not want to go to medical school and wondering how to break this to my family. (Desi girl problems.)

    • I don’t have any answers, but I’m sending you a million consensual hugs and lots of support when you have that convo with your parents. It’s OK. It might be really hard. :/ You’ve gotta’ live your life the way that makes you happiest! I hope it goes better than you expect. :)

    • On the break to bit.
      Is there anything you know of that you really what do or have as a career or field you want to work in?
      Parents can want prestige and certain things for their kids yeah but on some level they want you to be able to survive on your own. Be able to look after yourself without them worrying you won’t make it/be able to support yourself.

      So what could help is telling them what you want to do and not just what you don’t want to do.
      I don’t know your mind and why medical school is maybe something you don’t want to do.
      I do now medical field is big lots of different jobs some fairly secure and others not, but if what you want is something in the creative arts medical school would be rather pointless.

  27. Congrats on the future baby! I want one someday, but I want to make sure I get financially secured before I do that. I don’t want my kids to go through poverty like I did!

    In other news, I found out that I missed an exam last week when I skipped class. Yup. Why did I skip class? Well, for sex. My lady parts really screwed me after I did some screwing with the love of my life! :D As a result, I have been stressed about my GPA and haven’t had a good night sleep in three days! I am running on coffee and Redbull. Can you say tummy ache, because that is what I have. (Never drink one after the other :P) I could lie to the professor but then I would feel guilty about lying just to improve my grade. At the same time I do not need the extra stress. The good thing is that I am ahead in all the assignments for the other classes. Yay me?

    Oh and I was worried about my mom for the longest. She was in so much pain. Her left knee was killing her and it was all swollen but it is better now! Plus I noticed she had been depressed for about 2 months so my partner and I have been doing a lot to make her feel better. Turns out she is about to go through the change and that is why she has been bummed out. Now she is happier and we are going out to eat this weekend! My treat.

    • Well, as a person who used to lie to professors as a student and as a current professor for an undergrad class, I’ll say this. If you’re gonna’ like, make it good. Really good. And by good, I mean believable. Also, approach it with humility. For example, if you are going to say you had a family emergency or something, be sure you also say that you realize that you didn’t give advance notice and understand if you can’t make up the exam or can only take it for a lower grade. Humility goes a long way towards making me feel empathetic towards a student. And if it’s a hard no, it’s a hard no. Just work harder the rest of the semester and ask if you can do any extra credit. Most professors want you to succeed. And like…it’ll be OK. :)

      I’m glad your mom is doing better. It sounds like you were a good support for her and I hope you have a nice date with her this weekend!

  28. These places have some cute gender neutral stuff! Some mostly grey stuff, but also cute things with rainbows and bees!,en_US,sc.html|X0Y5W4|T:Template B-DVM|C:CMS&intc=3127552|null

    And Everlane has really cute intentionally gender neutral toddler clothes! And they have good business practices.


  29. Congratulations KaeLynn! T. Rexes are a delight. Just be careful when they’re teething…

    I love savory waffles. I don’t know of any recipes since I don’t have a wafflemaker but it looks like there are a ton of recipes online. I like the idea of falafel waffles only because of the name, but I feel like cheddar waffles or french fry waffles would be delicious.

    Ummm so yeah. This week started with some bad but fun decisions. I also saw the play Boy this week about the case of David Reimer, the guy who had an accident as an infant and lost most of his penis, so upon urging from a psychologist John Money his parents tried to raise him as a girl, to disastrous, and tragic, effect. It was so well-done and they made all the right calls I feel in portraying his coming-of-age story. Only downside is I’d say there was way more closure in the play than he had in real life. I guess that’s theater for ya.

    I also submitted a paper for publication! Well, re-submitted. It feels really good. I ran two days in a row to celebrate, and I think I’m gonna wear a bowtie to karaoke tonight. That’s how good I feel.

    Question for the stylish straddlers out there: how to dress down a bowtie, in general? Can I wear a cap and a bowtie, or is that too many accessories? How do I indulge all my whims while still looking like an adult?

    • It will have tiny T. Rex arms, so it won’t be able to hug us, but that’s OK.

      FRENCH FRY WAFFLES. OMG. Like, the ultimate waffle fry.

      Congrats on our paper submission!

      My not-official-style-guru advice about casual boy ties is to wear it with a more casual shirt. Like, a short sleeve button-up or a fitted button-up with the sleeves rolled up. Or with a sweater! I think your bottoms are important to making it look casual. Jeans or casual pants on the bottom. And maybe don’t tuck in your shirt. I’m sure you’ll look fly!

      • Thanks for the style advice! Rolled sleeves I FORGOT about that… I’m wearing jeans with an untucked sleeves-rolled-up dark shirt (ironed it and errthang… wanna look casual not sloppy!) with a bowtie and a black hat. I just hope the hat doesn’t make me look like a noob, though it solves the problem of my hair. My ex says it looks good and they’re not biased anymore, so.

        French fry waffles per Serious Eats:

        But there are probably recipes that don’t rely on you having “old fries” on hand.

  30. Congratulations!

    It’s been a pretty good week which was nice after a few rough ones. to start I also saw Zootopia and I agree it awesome. I got hair cut and they actually listened to what I wanted which was a shock and which tells me I finally found the right place(this has been a serious struggle). I had a bunch of job interviews and feel really good about my chances and I came out as trans to friend of mine which was terrifying but went well. I haven’t disclosed it in a long time but I’ve decided to be out and years in the business I’m actually doing my first stand up set as an out trans woman tonight(I’ve done stand up for a while but I’ve never disclosed it to an audience before). so of course I’m not nervous at all… any way I’ll have my best friend with me.
    That’s me I hope everyone else is well.

  31. Yay first Friday open thread!
    Congradulations on the pregnancy!
    This week has been coming to terms with the fact that I have a real full time job now, and have to act like am responsible person who can’t go out on a Tuesday and also can’t go climbing/ skiing/ hiking in a weekday any more :( on the other hand I get to,say I’m an archaeologist so yay!
    This weekend is going to be packing for moving (again). But I like my new flatmate, and I should be there for longer them a month this time.
    Also retread get “confessions of a justified sinner”. It’s one of my favourite books and full of unreliable narrators, the danger of believing your going to heaven whatever happens, and why you probably shouldn’t murder people because a mysterious stranger says God wants it.

    • Woah, that’s a cool job! I have to admit that when someone says they are an archaeologist, I imagine them in the desert digging up dinosaur bones. I know this is probably not what you do day-to-day. But it sure sounds like a cool gig!

  32. Hi everyone
    It’s funny I came to this open thread today talk about pregnancy and the total opposite of joy and now I don’t feel right doing so but

    Something’s wrong… lately it feels like everyone around me is obsessed with children and/or pregnant. Everywhere I turn someone had or is about to have a baby, online and irl. I feel cramped by all the baby talk. But I don’t get why I’M so angry about it.

    • Please don’t feel censored by my pregnancy news, @indigo-onyx!

      I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but I think I might be able to relate. I have always felt outside of the baby conversation. I am still getting comfortable finding a place inside of it, allowing myself to be a queered part of that narrative. For me, it is that the idea of womanhood = babymaking and the heteronormative stereotypes that go along with that have always made me feel icky. And like, I can’t identify with wanting kids as my primary life goal. It doesn’t make you a bad feminist or something if you do. I just never have felt strongly that being a parent and being a “mother” specifically was something I needed to do. I don’t like the idea of baby-making being part of compulsory heterosexuality and I think I resisted it for a long time because I couldn’t separate it from that idea. Even now, the idea of being someone’s “mom” makes me feel heavy. Heavy with gendered expectations. Heavy with norms enforced by the heteropatriarchy.

      That said, I married someone whose life goals did include kids and I knew that from the beginning. He knew it wasn’t a thing I wanted, so we planned to never have them. However, I came to realize that it wasn’t NOT HAVING KIDS I was so resistant to. It was the stereotypes and gender norming and cultural/societal pressure that I didn’t want to participate in. I realized that we can add to our family on our own terms, that I don’t have to be all gooey about it, that I can resist “mommy culture” actively while still making a choice that feels authentic. Having or not having a kid should feel like a real choice, not something that it’s implied everyone wants or needs to do.

      So anyway, you won’t rain on my parade if you voice your thoughts and opinions! I’m probably with you on some of it. And I definitely won’t take it personally. That’s the thing. This is a very exciting/cool thing happening in my life right now, but not the only exciting/cool thing. I want to talk about and I care about a lot of other things, too. I don’t feel like I’m meeting my life’s destiny or whatever. Honestly, I don’t love being pregnant. I am excited to raise a human with my favorite human. The pregnancy part is kind of an inconvenience to get there, but I’m grateful I’m able to make the decisions I want on my own terms!

      Long answer to say: Don’t feel silenced! It’s OK to feel angry about it!

      Also, did you know there’s a plug-in that will replace pics of babies (or whatever) with cats and bacon and stuff? It used to be called, but now has a less fun name:

  33. I was already excited when I saw Salt N Pepa on the preview tab but now I’m triply over the moon because CONGRATS ON BABY T-REX (WHICH IS THE COOLEST NICKNAME/EVENT EVER???!) and now that you’ve recommended Zootopia I’m going to definitely see it, and having that as a plan upcoming already makes me smile, so thank you for that! also also I didn’t even know savory waffles were a thing? and it’s like a whole new world over here.

    I’ve been advising for a writing workshop this week and my group is so lovely and fantastic and talented and it’s made my heart smile since Sunday evening tbh! And I’m getting a lot more writing done, just a lot more done in general with moving forward and it’s terrifying but it’s also grand.

    I’m still overwhelmed because people being really nice to me really shakes me/tends to kick up a downward spiral, but I’ve been doing pretty okay. I had a nightmare last night that my therapist like gave up on me and disappeared so like that’s something I should look into, and also someone at work cut me (but it’s not a big one or anything) and it’s moreso upsetting to me cause after it didn’t scare me, they took a jab at my self harm scars/how I’ve probably done worse to myself and that hurt. I guess, so many people are telling me I need to get these people fired or report them, and I’m stuck because it doesn’t feel bad enough to do something, but as someone who volunteers in the trauma sector, I know that if this was someone else, I’d be worried about them and try to help them take action too, so I feel like I understand most sides of this, but I feel too stuck to do anything and feel bad for not doing anything.

    But! On the good side, people have been really lovely about the LAMBDA campaign, and like I was really scared to bring it up around my dad, but he’s hinting that he’ll take the family near there for vacation, which like has made me sigh in relief for a week, and usually the nice weather is a huge trigger for me, but it’s been nice recently, and the flashbacks/paranoia are still pretty bad but they don’t constantly feel endless, and in a couple of days I know I can sleep without guilt, so I’m looking forward to that haha!

    Also also someone explained nonbinary girl to me and it feels like putting on a sweater that finally fits right? And I’m not going like all over the place about it just cause I can barely maintain eye contact with people, but it’s a nice thing for me, having that close to my heart.

    So, I think overall I feel pretty okay! I hope you’re all doing well and have a fantastic weekend!

    • I hope you continue to have breakthroughs in your writing and in your waffle eating and that you give yourself the space to just be and not feel like you have to do or not do any particular thing. Also, I hope you go see Zootopia because you’re going to LOVE IT.

  34. Congratulations on the new human! And kudos to you, for being awesome and avoiding showering said human with gendered stuff. My parents never did that to me, and it has made my life so much easier.

    I work on my parents farm, and this week we had to clean out the composting pack barn. We got it about half cleaned, and generated a 30 to 40 foot deep pile of manure.
    So I can literally say that my week has been a pile of crap.

    It’s my break week from school, so I haven’t had much to do, outside of work, besides re-watching the Legend of Korra, and stressing about which colleges will accept me at the end of the month, and depending who accepts me, which one I’ll go to.

    Oh, and I saw the movie, Fire, for the first time. Very cool film.

    • That’s a lot of nutrient-rich poo! I never worked on a farm (other than picking crops as a summer job), but I grew up in farm country. I could almost smell that fresh manure fertilizer when I read your update!

      Good luck with college apps! It can be stressful. Stay hydrated.

  35. Well… what’s good is next month I’m /finally/ going to get my damn endocrine appointment I’ve had delayed for like… 6 months by the dreaded waiting list, so we might finally figure out what is up with my body and while I’m getting periods when I have exactly zero of the equipment… but that’s a few weeks of, so bleh. I’ve also signed up to give blood for the first time, so no clue if they are actually going to let me given I’m an out trans girl, but I’m sure as hell gunna try anyways, because I’ve been wanting to do this forever, but keep forgetting.

    For more recent ‘whats good’s, I’m going to go see zootopia this weekend with my girlfriend and my bestfriend, and then we are going to go to a local thai restaurant and stuff our faces full of thai food! And then we are going to comeback and trash-watch lots of bad anime, and marathon Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and probably get pretty drunk while doing so.

    In more ‘what’s good’ news, I’m planning on attempting to repair my corset this weekend, which is probably a really good idea because it’s the main thing keeping my posture somewhat decent. I also want to work on my Life is Strange cosplay for the local convention this summer… gotta destroy some jeans! I also want to do some more research on local tattoo/piercing places, because at some point I want to get that lip ring I promised myself for reaching two years on HRT.

    Bleh, I’m sure there is more, but whatev.

    • SO many good things! I hope your endo appt gets you on a path that feels better and healthier. BODIES, am I right?

      I hope you love Zootopia. I think it’ll pair really well with Thai food and friends. Seriously, it was so cute.

      Good luck with getting pierced and giving blood! Do the blood first, of course. The Red Cross is actually pretty not-shitty these days, BUT the FDA is still being douchebags about it. I hope it’s not a problem for you and you get to help out and maybe get a juice box out of the deal!

      • I figure at the very least I can at least get some info from my endocrinologist as to what it might be, and then maybe get her point me in a direction for some answers even if she doesn’t have any.

        As for the piercing, that’s probably going to be a ways out, I’m aiming for it as a reward for finally getting off my ass and learning to drive x3 As for giving blood, the only thing I’m worried about is giving blood too close together. I’ve got my endo bloodwork on the 4th, and the blood drive on the 18th. So, idk? All I know is that aside from these weird period symptoms I get once a month, I’m like really freaking healthy, and I like needles and unnatural amount, and I’ve got plenty of blood in my body, so that all seems like a good reason to give it away :3 Also helping people is neat.

        OH OH OH, so more good news! Today I got approval from two co-workers who are super supportive of me to send out a branch-wide email/have a journal club at work on about being trans on the Trans Day of Visibility. So that is like, super awesome. I can spread some awareness, and since I work for my state’s department of public health and we dont’ really have anything for LGBT people, this will totally be useful for some people :D

  36. That is exciting news, congrats. I’m sure they baby will turn out as awesome as you two will.

    Sadly, I’m still eating almond butter sandwiches at lunch, my stomach hasn’t gotten tired of it yet. On the other hand I been also having a lot of squash recently so hopefully that should balance it out?

    How’s everyone’s week going? Mines has been a little rough. Sunday had a nice time at the beach with bond fire, and a little Irish whiskey. Heard a few things that raised a little concern. But, then later in the week that concern turned into a big one, and now I have a dilemma.
    A person I know, who is queer mind you, has shared with me a youtube video of podcasts made by Nazi/homophobic/anti-Semitic person. I don’t think I can be friends with that person anymore as they are believing the lies being spouted(and other false stories being posted on the web). People, including I have said those are all false, but I don’t think they care(maybe they think we are covering it up)? I just can’t deal with people who won’t listen and believe in the false. It’s a shame cause they weren’t a bad person, and they are queer believing the slander and conspiracies racist, kkk leaning, and homophobic people are eschewing. Not sure what to do.

    Sunset at the beach.

    Thank you for view and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • Sounds like that friend needs to be let go. Yikes. If you don’t think you can reason with them, I think calling it quits is perfectly acceptable. You don’t need that bigotry in your life!

      Almond butter is delicious and I think you should keep eating it as long as you can!

      • True, I don’t think anyone needs bigotry in their life, specially from someone who is queer listening to people who are against the lgtbq community.

        Speaking of almond, I found out today Ben and Jerry now makes almond milk based vegan ice cream! It looks so good. Plus, I am going to a friends birthday tonight and it should be pretty queer.

  37. 24 hours I have separately learned that Crossroads was written by Shonda Rhymes and stars Taryn Manning so I’m basically in a state of shock.

    I also had this great interaction with a straight friend this week.

    Her: What’s the name of the woman who directed Lost in Translation?
    Me: Dinah Shore
    Her: Really?
    Me: No.

    So that’s a fun lie, you can borrow it if you want.

  38. Last friday I was stressing about finals week coming up, and then miraculously I finished all my finals by about noon on Monday. So I basically have two weeks of spring break. So far I’ve done some cleaning, though I need to do a lot more. I also checked out a lot of antique thrift stores in my area cause I’m looking for some comfy cheap chairs. I found one really awesome green and orange striped chair.
    Now that I have free time I’m not exactly sure what to do with it. I had all these huge vague ideas for break and now I’m not sure about any of them. At least there’s sleep.

    • I’m also doing some cleaning tonight. Like, a minimal amount, but trying to bring a sense of dignity to my living areas. I haven’t mopped in over a year. I can’t believe I just admitted that, but it’s true.

      Enjoy your naps and sleeping in while it lasts!

      • YES! I need to mop too!!! Its been a long time, actually maybe close to a year as well. I just hate mopping….. But it will happen in the next week, i will make it happen. I wish you luck on your mopping!

  39. OMG! Kaelyn!! Congratulations! May I also mention that this is the possibly best “I’m preggers” shirt I’ve ever seen?
    May I also mention that I’m sitting in the atrium of the University of Arts in Berlin, waiting for the “20th anniversary Tigerlilly” Natalie Merchant concert to begin, after I decided to spontaneously pop by and see if anybody was selling an extra ticket and there was?
    In other news, and if anyone needs an uplifting story for their crappy day:
    I had a job interview today.
    Allow me to specify: I had a job interview early afternoon and needed to surreptuously steal away from my other job to go there.
    Anyways, so I got dressed into my fancy pants from my regular work gear, but half of the clinic leadership had assembled down the hall on the way to the bathroom, where I desperately needed to go, pee.
    So I chose to rush out of the hospital instead and ran to the bathroom near the exit.
    Anyways, I was in a hurry and I swear this has never happened to me before, but I peed on my underwear.
    Long story short, this entire day, I drove three hours on the train, went to the job interview, got a tour of their entire half hospital, chief and attendings included, went to visit my aunt and am now in the atrium of the University of Arts, wondering if people can see that I’m going commando underneath my fancy pants.
    Also, the extra ticket came with a six foot two guy who keeps making stalker jokes.
    But hey, my naked ass seems to be in high demand amongst employers these days, so I just went from being unemployed a couple of months back to having to choose between two great options!
    Speaking of great options, why are there so many straight people at this gig?
    Have a great weekend everyone!

    • Enjoy your concert with the straight people! I feel like there should be lesbians there, but maybe they all got old and moved to the suburbs after their Lilith Fair days. Probably.

      Congrats on the job interview! I hope your naked butt gave you loads of confidence. Wanna’ know a secret? I don’t wear underwear. Like, maybe 2% of the time, I wear it and usually just so I don’t flash someone in a short dress. Even then, not all the time. It’s fine! No one can tell! It’s really great for your bits and pieces! Also, I have totally peed on my underwear as an adult, as recently as this past week (I was wearing a dress). So…you are not alone.

  40. First of all HOORAY congrats on the news of being pregnant!!!!! That’s so exciting!!! Second of all I am so glad it’s Friday because, ya’ll, I have some stuff I need help figuring out.
    First of all, I have my first date in the longest time tomorrow and it’s a “Netflix and chill” kind of deal. What should I wear, how should I act, what do I do??? I’ve never been in this situation before!!! Hepl!
    Second of all, I’m going to A-Camp this summer and I’m trying to make some friends with people going before my adventure out west. Anyone going to A-Camp out there?? I’m sure there are at least a few peeps peeping this comment.
    And lastly, I’m throwing a pride party tonight for no reason but a bunch of people said they were coming so hopefully it turns out. And my whole living room is rainbow.
    Anyone going to A-Camp, shoot me a message on here or something, I’d love to meet you!!!!

    • I say, keep your outfit casual, but something that still makes you feel attractive and confident. So whether that’s a hoodie and jeans or a casual skirt or a button-up and bow tie, whatever makes you feel chill and good. Other than that, uh, I don’t know! Moisturize your lips and pack some breath mints just in case!

      Happy random pride party! Good luck with your date!

  41. Congrats on your tiny human!!! My friends had a kid six months ago and before this kid I was very anti-baby but now I LOVE BABIES!!! BABIES! ARE! SO! CUTE! There is something wrong with me but WHATEVER. I cannot wait until the little human grows up and I can have conversations with it about books and poop and clouds and whatever weird things tiny humans have questions about.

    Ok CAN WE TALK ABOUT BOOKS??? I just finished Audre Lorde’s “Zami: A New Spelling of My Name” yesterday and it was INCREDIBLE. Her story of getting an abortion was so nail biting and amazing to me and her stories of people she knew who died from home/botched medical abortions! I want to say thank god we live in a safer world for those who need abortions in the USA but we don’t really because so many states are anti-choice and fucked up! UGH!!! And her life as a sort of closeted black lesbian was sooo interesting like I have no coherent thoughts about how amazing this book was but I loved all of it and all ya’ll need to read it ASAP if you haven’t already because it provides a very important history of what it was like to be POC and a lesbian in NYC in the 40s/50s. Audre Lorde is a goddess. ALL HAIL.

    I live in one of the highest allergy problem areas in the world and I have really been feeling it this week and I think I might have to go home sick because I feel like I might be getting a fever and BLEH.

    • I’m also excited for when it gets old enough to talk and ask questions and be an interesting little person! We’re planning to try teaching baby sign so we can start communicating earlier. I hope it works!

      Audre Lorde is one of my favorites. Her work was a part of the undergraduate thesis on women writing the erotic as activism and resistance. <--I just gagged a little. Have you read her other work? You should definitely pick up Sister Outsider and her poetry anthology, The Black Unicorn. Oh, also, The Cancer Journals. Ugh. All of it. I hope you are feeling better soon! Allergies are the worst. I don't know if medicine is something you do, but if it is, maybe see if you can get something for it?

      • I just saw on a video a friend who is doing Deaf Studies posted on FB that baby sign makes babies talk at an earlier age and it is easier for them to communicate so that is really cool!

        I have read Sister Outsider and that was also amazing but I think some of the more very academic chapters were a little over my head but I enjoyed it very much! She was definitely an intersectional person before the term was coined. I forgot about the Cancer Journals but I definitely need to get that and her poetry anthology! She is so amazing. That is really cool you did part of your thesis on her!

        Ugh I do have meds for allergies but I haven’t been taking them because they don’t seem to help. I have a nasal spray but it makes me really drowsy but I need to try it again but use it before bedtime. I am buying a new humidifier today so I hope that helps a lot.

  42. Watching “Daredevil” season two. I hear that Jeri Hogarth is supposed to show up in it.

    • Whoah what? Really, Hogarth?

      I realize that this says absolutely nothing good about my psyche, but I can’t even cope with how hot I find her. It’s not even just the hotness of Carrie Anne Moss–apparently, morally ambiguous brunettes just really do it for me.

  43. Congratulations!!! That’s so exciting!!!! :) Wishing your family much joy!!
    I became a godmother a couple of months ago and have spent more time in baby stores/departments in the last few months than the rest of my life combined.
    I think the whole boys-stuff-as-gender-neutral is more symptomatic of the issues that adult fashion has with gender… at any age ‘androgynous’ is masculine-lite and feminine is striclty female.
    I love hearing about queers who are pregnant… feel like so much of what I read on blogs is about queers going through epic struggles to get knocked up and its pretty daunting. My wife and I are saving up for IVF at the moment and crossing our fingers that this might be us this time next year!

    Had a pretty rough week myself. After the best few months in ages my anxiety has reared its ugly head this week and been particularly bad. Due for my period and my triggers seem to be all over the media this week (which parardoxically is kind of good because media coverage of this issue will hopefully make it better).
    I’ve been a nervous wreck and spending half my day sitting at my desk day-nightmaring about doomsday scenarios and all the self care and splurging on massages and giving myself aromatherapy bubble baths isn’t helping….
    Also had an interview for a really awesome job that would massively change my career/life and the guy said he hoped to get in touch about the next round of interviews by today… and its 8pm here and nothing in my inbox. He’s been a bit slow throughout the whole process so trying to stay positive but definitely wavering…
    Currently getting tipsy alone on an organic Tempranillo (2 Euros, yay Germany!) and listening to Deutsch Rap while I wait for my wife to finish work.
    Oh goddess may next week be better!

    • I completely agree that “gender-neutral” or “unisex” really just means masculine-presenting. I’d be fine with putting a kid assigned male at birth in dresses and skirts, but culturally that is still taboo in the U.S. I hate that.

      I was worried going into fertility treatment that it wouldn’t work, based on other’s experiences that I’ve heard and read. I was very, very, very lucky to find a good place that worked with us to get my insurance to cover a lot of the costs of the medical care, itself. It still cost us about $1k/round, but that’s a lot less than we were prepared for. We went with IUI and, surprisingly, it happened on our third round. I thought it’d take longer, honestly! IVF success rates are much higher than IUI, so I hope it will work out for you, too!

      Keeping my fingers crossed for you with the job and with the anxiety stuff. Sounds like you’re taking care of yourself as much as you can. I hope next week is better, too!

  44. Congrats KaeLyn and Waffle! My friends did the same, gender neutral name and gender neutral stuff – basically rock and roll baby tees and dinosaurs and monsters like you say. Another friend makes nerd reusable diapers that are gender neutral, Harry Potter themed and the like, and yet another friend makes quilted jackets for girls, boys or neutral, shame the big stores don’t get it. Shame pinkifying and blueifying are so prevalent!
    Missus and I have almost booked everything for our Canada trip and I’m so excited! Squeeee!
    I went to the barber today and he shaved my baby hair off so I have a fuzzy patch I can’t stop petting on my forehead now. I then went to work looking a little more butch than normal with my hair swept back instead of parted to one side, there were some looks from some people. I guess seeing the fullness of my ALH was a shock. Ah well I’m on holiday from Monday for a few weeks so they can forget.
    Have great weekends everyone!

    • Have a super fun trip!

      I love that fresh cut feel. I also have a surprise ALH. I have medium-length hair on top with an all-around undercut underneath. I love wearing it up and pulled back! But I just started doing it at work. People always think I cut all my hair off when I wear it up.

      Have a super great weekend!

      • Hooray for surprise ALH’s! Yeah mines undercut all round, but the top is about chin length at the front and angled back up-pretty standard soft butch cut these days if Instagram is to be believed- so people think I have it shaved on just one side…until today. Bless their shocked wee faces.

        • Oh, we have, like the same haircut! Except I have the queer femme version, but the exact same kind of cut. Just add cat eyeliner and red lipstick.

          Mine is growing out on top now, though, to, like, a medium-length situation. Mostly because I’m lazy.

  45. Mazel tov for the baby!! T-Rex is a great name! Waffles: mix smoked cheddar, a touch of Dijon mustard, and chopped scallions into the batter. Serve with scrambled eggs. We just saw “Fun Home” in New York, and loved it. Funny and very moving, and so fantastic to see awkward lesbian coming out done so well.

    • Great waffle recipe suggestion!

      Oh, Fun Home is so wonderful. I loved it. It made me cry so many times.

  46. Congrats on your pregnancy! That’s super great news and thank you for sharing your baby clothes shopping shenanigans.

    I’m feeling good about myself this week, exploring things to help me make good habits and getting things done around the house and in my life. I finally finished Juliet Takes A Breath and SIGH HAPPY SIGH, I have so many feels about my move to Portland 3 years ago and the process of coming into my queerness since then.

    But I’m also sick again, and although it’s just another really annoying cold and I’m more or less ok, I’m frustrated by how often I’ve been sick this winter. I have my yearly appointment with my doctor in April and I need to ask her WTF is up with that.

    • Juliet Takes a Breath is so fucking good. Gabby is an incredible writer. I wish younger me had a book like that.

      Hope you are feeling better soon.

  47. For starters, congrats on the baby!

    It’s my first Friday thread, but it’s been a week when I did some stuff that I put off for a while so let’s keep the wheel going :)

    I had my first gyno appointment today! At the ripe age of 21 but that’s beside the point. I’m proud of myself for finally going, I’ve been putting it off for far too long, for shame.

    And I had this presentation in class today which was another moment that nearly gave me a heart attack, I’ve been talking so quick I’m not sure anyone understood a thing. But it’s off my back at the beginning of semester.

    I also signed up for this organisation for medical students and I’m going to help out with one of their events in April.

    And now I’m all dolled-up, waiting for my roommate who had me promise to drag her out today by force if necessary (!) to stop talking to her boyfriend and actually go out, urgh.

    So that’s it, congrats on baby again!

    • Yay first FOT!

      Good job taking care of your down theres! It’s good to know it’s done with!

      Have a fun night and keep your roommate away from the phone. Drunk dials are real.

  48. Congratulations on the tiny dino! Good luck on strictly gender-neutral shopping; it’s really only feasible if you’ve got money to burn or you hate fun. Fortunately, babies aren’t big fashion hounds. They’re more into quantity. Assume you will be changing baby’s clothes at least three times a day, and eventually you will start defining “nice” as “anything without poop stains”.

    I suggest you build a collection of overalls and shortalls in denim, navy, and neutral colors, and about two million onesie short-sleeved undershirts and six or seven zip-up hoodies/long sleeved shirts. Snaps are useless, buttons are bad, and ribbons/strings are food.

    • Extremely good advice on clothes. I mean, that’s the thing. They grow out of them so fast and they mess them up so much. So, like, we aren’t super strict about it. We just aren’t going to find out in advance, so it’s gender neutral for now. Of course, if someone gives us clothes once the kid is born, we’re gonna’ take them. And we may pick up some more gendered stuff once we know, if it’s cute. It’s not like we’re going to forbid dresses or bow ties. But my friends with kids also said to stock up on onesies and things that zip. NOTE TAKEN. Trying to stock up on zip-up onesies, for the most part. Why would they put ribbons on baby clothes? That sounds awful.


    Second of all I’m still unemployed in Portland and it’s a total drag but Mr Dog got sent to Cleveland for training until mid April so at least I have a reason for being here now (dog sitting again)

    Third ok I’m gonna stop numbering now I kind of wanna dye my hair fuchsia but also I think maybe thats something best done when one already has a job?

    Last im working on this tiny song it’s a part of my pet project of songs inspired by / about Beowulf and it’s called “The Convert” and it goes mainly like:

    O older brother
    Strong is my memory
    Of ocean waters
    Horse blood and bitter mead
    Midsummer revelry

    Now, are you in Heaven or Valhalla?

    Like fallen horses
    Your cut throat catches steel
    Body unburied, my knees broken to kneel
    I know your ghost is real

    Are you in heaven?

    Cause if I’m to believe men can nail their gods to trees, then what does Savior mean

    If even kings can go out bleeding, what befalls the so-called heathens

    (I wonder, did you, too, die weeping)

    Are you in heaven?

    Or if I slit the throat of our fathers favorite goat, would you come back to me

    If I tried trading blood for truth, like the faithful of our youth, would the Old Gods answer me

    — there is more but it’s a bit in Flux while I work out the guitar any who any whoodle

    THE SUN IS OUT IN PORTLAND so I think I’m gonna go on a hike now

    • Get that sun while it lasts!

      I think fuschia hair sounds great and how much it affects your hireability probably depends what kind of jobs you’re looking for. Maybe a streak of fuschia for now? Underneath? To tide you over?

      • I don’t have a degree so “customer service” and “retail” and “food service” are all probably in my future

        • I feel like fuschia is totally fine. But I dunno. I guess some places are more conservative. Admittedly, I keep my hair more conservative when I’m job searching, generally, so I see your point. I’m also biased because I used to have fuschia hair and I really miss it sometimes.

      • Please don’t regret that — I loved reading them so much! They sent beautiful images into my brain. Thanks for sharing <3

  50. Hi everyone!

    Today, like every other day this month, I’ve been mulling over the possibilities of my Honours thesis next Fall. I have to narrow it down to present to a prof pretty soon but narrowing it down seems like the hardest thing right now! I definitely want to write/research on the LGBTQ community but I haven’t been able to find a particular area I want to focus on yet. Do you guys have any ideas?!

    • What are some broad areas that interest you and/or align with your major?

      For example: music, art, politics, health, media, criminal justice, law, education, etc etc

      • I’m majoring in Sociology and English but during my degree I’ve actually found that I’m really not too interested in English anymore! Basically anything social justice related interests me. Trans issues have been sort of catching my attention lately? But a lot of things have been catching my attention lately. Everything is interesting and sadly, I can’t write about everything :(

    • I work in my local LGBT community center so maybe volunteering would help get you some ideas! I know there is a lot of need there. Our place has different groups-youth groups, disability groups, trans groups, veteran’s groups, etc., as well as outreach programs, fundraising, and a a drop-in center for youth (it mainly serves as a safe space for LGBT teens and homeless LGBT youth to eat, nap, do laundry, take a shower, hang out, get clothing and maybe some other hygiene products they need) and a respite center for adults. Hope this helps!

      • That does help! Thanks for the reply :) With any luck, I’ll have my topic figured out by Monday!

  51. I don’t know nothing about savoury waffles, but I know about chicken ‘n’ waffles and waaaay to much about pregnancy/birth. May your little Dino demand the just the right about of resources for their health without compromising yours. May you have health and safety for and with this child you and your partner-in-life have welcomed into your lives.

    The gender thing has gotten worse since my 1st niece was born I swear. My mother and my sister in law both hate the frilly pink shit fosted upon babies and kinda um greatly dislike the colour pink itself. I have this memory of one of my little cousin’s asking me if it was okay to like the colour blue and was it really a boy colour etc. My response was something like what Rosanne said to Darlene. Do you like it? Are you a girl? Than it is totally for a girl.

    My sister in law’s favourite colour is yellow so for the 1st pregnancy, where she and my brother both decide they didn’t want to know the sex, when the baby shower happened she was like the cat who got the canary. So much yellow. Also it must be noted her fashion sense looks very tomboy femme to me, but y’all she is so straight.
    My brother who is a typical clueless straight man has even realised the over-pink-flication-frill-isity that is the girls department from newborn to size 12.
    He bemoaned this while breathless thanking my mother for picking out stuff in other colours and for things active tiny humans can be tiny humans in rather than a cake decoration.

    Um finding those thing I was (still kinda am) my mother’s assistant.
    My advice to you is Baby Gap, true gender neutral maybe not but less eye-stabbingly pink

    Circo’s outlet stores, but sometimes Target has onsie pack’s of theirs that could do

    What you need is as many onsies as you can get for the weather of what ever season your little Dino is gunna be born. Their body will be adapting to this whole digestion thing and because they cannot wash themselves at that age so will you. Diaper blowouts, that is one of things of which I speak the other is sleep deprivation.
    Have as many clean ready onsies as you can before the hatching because at some point y’all will be like nap or laundry ohgodohgod don’t know and have a surplus/emergency supply will make the nap decision easier for you.

    Once things are settled like I dunno six months buy/request gifts that have mix and match value. Also do the math for folks unfamiliar with baby sizing if this gift is say a couple months of growth away from being given. Tell 8 mo. or 1-2 yr if your kid is in the 90th percentile with their growth patterns. Or in the case of my eldest niece a 6 mo. when she was gunna be 8 mo. because she’s fucking tiny.
    Don’t leave them to figure it out, they’ll be so confused and if you’re lucky buy some socks or beanie the kid could wear in 2 years.

    I went all baby advice like a parent or something whatwhatwhat

    Okay moving on

    My math class in the permutations, combinations and probabilities stuff that I rock at so I’m cushioning the blow truth tables will have on my final grade.
    My midterm exam for my analog design class looked like something from my nightmares and at the time I was fighting an upper respiratory virus with medication that required me to haul water like an apocalypse just to stay hydrated.
    BUT BUT this week I found out I passed it with fucking B!
    I managed a B while my head felt like cotton and with nightmare worst case scenario test.
    Despite fucking up 2 of the five major projects I may pass this class after all.

    After I aced my oral Spanish exam my profesora seems to be calling on me more in class to read or respond to something. She watches me with her eagle-y gaze and it’s not awkward at all nope. >_<

    Songs stuck in my head this week

    Two Weeks- FKA twigs
    confession: have danced to this song

    Of Wolf and Man- Metallica
    I sing along to this song or rather my inner 14 year old troll does

    Wherever I May Roam- Metallica
    This is where Shakira intersects with my rock brain, both she and this song's opening taught me how to move like a serpent

    Formation- Beyonce
    I may have joked what it might take for google ads to start marketing to me as a various demographics that I am not but uh what it takes to be marketed as African-American is apparently this song, Big Freedia, FKA twigs and then Salt-n-Peppa

    But now that've listened to Metallica I'm getting the 18-25 straight white male demographic ads like whoa.
    Bet if I listen to Selena I'll get the ads in Spanish again, or maybe Celia Cruz…
    I feel dancy, it could go either way.

  52. Congrats on getting pregnant Kaelyn! I think it’s awesome that you not finding out the assigned sex and that you guys are buying gender neutral clothes for the baby T rex. I wish more people would do that. I’m only 18 but I think when I have kids I will take a similar approach to parenting.
    My week has had its ups and downs. On Wednesday I found out that one of my (closest) friends was talking about me behind me back in an unkind way, talking about how I was boring and “always tell stories no one cares about”. That upset me especially because I had put significant effort into the friendship. We didn’t have that much in common thing and she was probably a bit homophobic so it’s for the best I think. The friendship group she and I were in was a bit toxic so it’s better that I focus on my other friends. And I’m thinking this could make me more comfortable to be out at school.
    Another sad thing happened on Wednesday though, I found out my swim coach is leaving the club after next week :( it’s a shame because I really like her coaching style and she’s really made me love swimming again. Hopefully our new coach will be just as lovely.
    Then yesterday there was more bad news: the federal gov (in Australia) is cutting the funding for the safe schools coalition at the end of 2017 and making changes to the program. This includes requiring parent permission for kids to have access to some resources which I think is complete bullshit. What about the kids who are not out/ have homophobic parents? Ugh and I hope this doesn’t stop my school from signing up because they’re about to. I just hate how a group of old straight white guys have the power to cut off support for young lgbtq+ kids. And because the funding is going to end, this will probably lead to the program’s death as a national organization. Luckily in my state there is state funding for it, but we’re the only ones :'(
    I kind of focused on the bad stuff but I’m feeling alright in general just a bit sad and angry.

    • I’m so sorry your friend is being awful, but it sounds like you are on the right path and embracing people who are supportive and not going to talk behind your back. Right on.

      I hope your new coach is great! If not, it’s ok to hold a torch for your current coach. Some teachers and people are just really special and we’re lucky to have them in our lives while we do! That’s OK.

      You’re the second person to post about the safe schools coalition funding and that just really, really sucks. I am so sorry your politicians are not taking young people’s lives seriously. Ugh.

  53. ALSO OMG MY MOM IS HAVING MAJOR SURGERY RIGHT NOW?? Im trying not to think about it

    A week ago she texts me like “hey I know you always feel out of the loop so jsyk, I’m getting my uterus removed next Friday. Apparently I have a fibroid the size of a grapefruit. This runs in the family BTW so like, watch out for that”

    And then she adds

    “I’m hoping it will make my stomach smaller!”

    Because That’s My Mother For Ya.

    So I’m nervous and she’s probably also nervous but via text she was just like “no more pap smears!!!”


    My parents didn’t find out the sex of either of their kids, and I think maybe that used to be more common? I remember hearing her talk about this years and years ago with a group of women in the neighborhood

    My mom’s opinion was basically that finding out the sex sucks out all the fun SURPRISE aspect out of the entire enterprise, because I guess hearing someone say all excited “it’s a (insert whatever)!!” was like,in her mind, The Finish Line

    And also, from an old timey superstitious angle, I think she thinks it’s bad luck to name a baby that isnt born yet, and since my parents gave us super traditional names they couldn’t name us until they knew our (assigned) genders

    • I hope the surgery goes well and that your mom pulls through!! Given that it’s a pretty routine procedure, hopefully she’ll have no trouble.

      As for knowing the sex of the baby: I’d probably agree with her, I’d want to be surprised unless there were some practical reason to know the sex earlier.

    • I hope she’s gone through menopause already, it makes the post-surgery stuff just a matter of healing tissues rather than healing tissue and going through insta-menopause.

      But it like Tam said pretty routine procedure on the operating end. So go binge watch your mind off it.
      Something like Murder She Wrote, Miss Marple’s Mysteries or Golden Girls.

        • Good cause dealing with hot flashes and healing up from surgery at same time seems like the worst.
          Maddening even.

          I hope her recovery goes smooth and shes take all her post op meds as directed.
          When they give you good drugs taaaake them.

  54. Congrats to both of you!!!

    This weekend I’m going to my (straight) friend’s bachelorette party. We’re going to a drag show but it’s at a pretty ‘male-centric’ gay bar, so I have mixed feelings about it. I’m looking forward to it though and it should be fun!

    • Have fun at the bachelorette party! At least you’ll be with your people, even if the queer single ladies will be less plentiful. I hope it’s super fun!

  55. My spring break is finally starting! I have been writing major papers, analyzing data, drafting sections of my master’s thesis, working, grading assignments for the course I TA, and generally hustling like crazy for the last two weeks. Also my partner is commuting 1.5 hours each way for her job right now, so I’m basically running everything on the home front too – shopping, cooking, laundry, keeping our living space marginally clean, etc. But TOMORROW we are leaving for a week in Costa Rica! We are going to go ziplining, hiking, swimming, snorkeling, caving, and possibly also rappelling down a waterfall. Praise lesbian Jesus for spring break, ya’ll.

    • Oh, have the best time in Costa Rica and don’t think about anything but having fun! Sounds amazing!

  56. a smol dinosaur. BUT HOW IS YOUR GUINEA PIG FEELING ABOUT THIS????? Maybe guinea pig & cat can commiserate & prepare for a smol dinosaur.

    I’ve been really irritable this past week & sleeping a lot. And yet today i feel sad & lonely. The heck, right? I mean, yesterday turned out to be such a fucked day– i didn’t get the voicemail from my therapist telling me not to come in, soooo i went through a strange new bus route of confusion for no reason & i was doing it all on two hours of sleep & my phone was acting up so i was cussing it out in public– that i didn’t go to my oldest friend’s solo art show opening at a cafe downtown, because i knew i would be a shitty presence. That & i didn’t want to deal with drunk white cis dudebros, because St Patrick’s Day. And more bus navigating. I was basically drained & done, even though i feel guilty for not going to the show. And so, of course, now today, i want to be around people, & i don’t have that option. OH LIFE, Y U DO DIS.

    This week marked one whole month since my father walked out. I’m still trying to come to terms with it. (Tori Amos’ “Parasol” has been a recurring song girl in my head; she kinda plays over & over & over.)

    I’m still trying to find jobs, while also desperately trying to rack up points on Swagbucks so that eventually i can make that turn into some form of money. I even signed up for Amazon Mechanical Turk, even though most hits only pay, like, one cent each. And i’m finishing up the overdue free oracle readings i’ve had sitting in my tumblr messages for months, while thinking about maybe opening the readings back up & this time asking for donations/pay what you can. (If u want one, hit me up~~ ;D)

    I’ve also been inflicting my singing voice upon the world with the help of instrumental tracks from the YANTA youtube channel. Apparently some people like my voice. (If you want to subject yourself to my singing, you can find it on my youtube, which is lossennedlorwen. The icon is the same happy blob i use here.)

    I may also actually have a job illustrating a magazine article, & maybe another one, at the least. The magazines aren’t very big, & i’ve been informed that they can’t pay me, but i can get, like, a free subscription, or free ad space. Plus, if nothing else, it’ll put my work out there, & i can add it to my artist resume.

    And i’m going to try & see what a local meditation center is like, because maybe that could help me out??? I’m going to try & poke a few different things; i finally actually joined some things on, & so long as there’s a public transportation route there, i can give things a try. (I’m really disappointed that there’s no route to a really nice reservoir up north.)

    And tomorrow i go back to my unpaid volunteer job for the first time in over a month, & i’m like, lol, wuts my bus stop again???? It’s been so long hahahah :|;;;;;; And i think a week from now i have a Pokemon party i might go to. I’m really thinking of just putting on slouchy sleep clothes & falling asleep in walkways & telling everybody i’m Snorlax. :P

    Ooo, & who wants to be friends on Goodreads? MMMM, BOOKS.

    • Yay, I’m so glad to hear some happy things are happening in your life, @caitlin-2! Congrats on the (potential) illustrating work and YouTube singing bravery!

      • @laura-m aaaa thank you! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ You are so kind ; 3 ;

        It’s all Tori Amos songs, haha. Her music is what helps me get through.

    • I’m really happy to hear you have some good stuff to look forward to. Congrats on the possible illustration gigs!

      I did Amazon MTurk for a while for fun/something to do and, actually, made about $100 over a couple months. It certainly wouldn’t pay the rent, but it’s something mindless to do when you have the time.

      I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you that something good job-wise lands soon!


      • @kaelynrich thank you, Momma Dinosaur. :B (smol dino smol dino) ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

        Yeah, i’ve got… like, two or three survey sites that i poke now? To try & make that translate into actual money things that i can use, even though it’s pretty slow. Definitely no replacement for a job, even a poorly paying one. :\ So thank you, i’m gonna need all the luck i can get :’D

    • how on earth are you currently reading 44 books!? hahaha. I really like looking through other’s book choices on Goodreads, so thanks ;)

  57. I’m late to the thread today because I have literally been out for 12 hours, which is unheard of for me!
    But basically after class, I went into town to meet a friend for lunch, she took me to pick up her cousin and his wife so we could take them to their hotel, but they wound up coming for lunch too.
    They were so funny and sweet that I decided to walk with them all around town and show them the sites, and then they felt like they had to repay me by taking me out for dinner?

    So basically I hung out with a couple of strangers for eight hours today, and it was excellent!!

    Oh, and my group project’s feedback was really good! And I’m going to a drag show with my little sister this weekend!! And IT’S THE HOLIDAYS AND I GET TO GO HOME!!!!
    So all in all, this has been a great day!
    I just need my other lecturer to give me feedback on my module so I can see if I passed or not. :/

  58. Pulled pork in between waffles with a little melted cheese. My boss made them and it was the bomb.

  59. Ok Kaelyn I don’t have a baby or a tiny dinosaur, but I was a nanny and I look forward to being a parent annnnd the rigid gender stuff drives me nuts! When they’re little it’s from the adults around them but by the time they’re three or four and hanging out with friends at preschool it starts to get reinforced in their peer groups as well.

    Like one thing I had a lot of trouble with was all the Disney princess/Monster High type stuff that my little girl charges were into. And it’s so tricky because you want them to be into what they’re into, but at the same time, when what they’re into is making you want to stab your own feminist brain out with an ice pick, it can be a delicate line to walk.

    If you do end up having a child who is a girl and she gets into the princess thing and you’re not sure how to handle it like me, and what boundaries to set in regards to frilly/girly/helpless damsel/glitterbomb type stuff, I highly recommend the book Cinderella Ate my Daughter. It helped me gain some healthy perspective.

    But I mean, right now tiny dino is just a tiny dino! All of this is years away. :-)

    • I feel you. My niece is into super girly stuff like Monster High and Barbies. It doesn’t bother me, though. She’s a girly-girl through and through! On the other hand, she grew up surrounded with pink and purple stuff and girly toys, so who knows. I don’t mind buying her pink stuff, though. It’s what she likes. We got her the pink “girl” legos for Christmas last year.

      If our kid ends up being super gender normative, that’s fine. I just don’t want them to feel like they have to be!

      I guess that’s why we don’t want to find out. Whether we mean to or not, we’ll start imagining what future kid is going to be like once we know. Even if what I’m imagining is some feminist utopia, I’m still going to start applying a gendered lens whether I mean to or not!

    • I always feel the need to defend the girly girls because some people legitimately like that stuff and that’s ok! Baby me wore my brother’s hand me downs, but as soon as I had a say it was all dresses all the time. Also, my mom had this great story about having to lie about my age to get me into my first ballet class because you had to be 4, but I was only 3 and she was tired of hearing me beg to be in it. She totally would not have chose the pink, Princess ballerina life for me, but it’s what that was the stuff I loved (and it didn’t stop me from growing up to be super feminist either!)

      • Hi! Yeah I guess I should qualify this. I played with Barbies as a kid and I was a really girly girl at times. That’s not a problem for me at all. Everyone should be who they are.

        At the same time there is this pervasive marketing to girls – like the Disney Princess line – where the Disney characters are removed from their original stories, where they were various levels of empowered, and get inserted into way more passive, be-a-princess-get-rescued-by-a-prince storylines etc. The merchandise for those lines sometimes depict even slimmer, more homogenized versions of the characters. And it’s marketed so aggressively to kids.

        There’s a bunch of stuff I’m thinking of that I’m probably not articulating clearly this Friday night, but I just wanted to make sure that it was clear that a little kid — whatever their gender — should be free and happy to be their pink sparkly princess selves, if that’s what they desire!

      • It is okay, but why does an infant tiny human trying to figure out how to crawl and other human locomotion things have to look like a cake decoration?

        It so much better to be old enough to get a chance to look like a cake decoration by choice(bugging the shit out of your guardians in your case)and have locomotion aka ballet. >D
        Like you said having a say in it.

        Look at Princess Princess Ever After, can has girliness and personhood/self determination.
        We need more stuff like that.

      • That’s some variations on Pennsylvania Dutch/Amish country waffle thing like that

        Rural Pennsylvania y’all, a sort of Southerner can forget the great white north can be interesting and weird in ways that don’t involve jello salad or are a French Canadian thing.
        Poutine is only less scary than Minnesota(ish) jello salad because it is nature colours not 1950’s colours that are lies.

        But I’ve had sausage that was def not poultry or beef and am a generation away from eating road kill so I’m not throwing stones here.

        But did you read the ham waffles recipe?
        I couldn’t because I love waffles so very much and hate ham greatly.
        Is this what bigots feel like? OnO

  60. OMGLOB. ALL THE MAZELS AND ALL THE TOVS. Please promise to share pictures of the tiny bubs once they are born? A friend at work just became an aunt today and everyone in the office literally all crowded round her phone to stare at the tiny face peeking out from under a tiny hat in the photo her sister had sent. Baby pics ftw.

    • Promise. Though I don’t get gooey about baby pics, typically, I’m sure I’ll think mine is the cutest thing ever.

  61. Congratulations!!

    I’m on spring break right now and visiting my friend at her school until Sunday. Still buried in a pile of homework and internship applications I need to finish, but I did submit a pitch to a comic anthology earlier this week that I’ve been meaning to get to so at least that’s out of the way. And coming here for a few days to visit, even in the midst of everything, has just been really good for my general happiness/non-sadness.

    • That is my favorite, sending something out and being like, ok, your turn, universe. And not having it occupy brain space anymore!

  62. I got my first Alternative Lifestyle Haircut today and I LOVE IT more than any haircut I’ve ever had before. I brought in lots of pictures of Tegan & Sara and wound up with an asymmetrical bob with a deep side part. It’s PERFECT and I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

    Also, I got into grad school! Yay! But also terrifying. I’m still trying to decide if I want to get a PhD – it’d be good, but it’s also a five-six year commitment and I’d be living away from my homeland (which is halfway across the country). So, big decisions up ahead.

    • Oh man, when I got my Alternative Lifestyle cut, it made me feel like my outsides reflected my insides in a whole new way. It’s been a year and I’m still keeping it up, even though it’s a little lopsided because i’m too cheap to go to a barber and have to shave the underside myself.

      • I’m the same way with my hair! I’ve spent many a night in my bathroom trying to see the back of my head in the mirror to get my haircut even. And then I broke my clippers trying to clean them and I was too cheap to buy new ones or go get a haircut so I grew my hair out for a year, decided I hated it, and just chopped it all off again.

    • YAY on feeling awesome and hot in your new haircut!

      Good luck with your PhD decision. Either way, so cool that you got in!

  63. Congratulations on the baby news! I love that shirt a LOT.

    This is my first Friday thread! This week, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend and I are never getting back together! No really, that’s a good thing, and I’m finally getting serious peace of mind about it.

    But it made me realize that I’m very cut off and isolated from community in all its forms–since moving to Baltimore (and my car getting stolen) I almost never leave my house, and it’s not helping my overall mental health. I need to meet people! Preferably queer ones! But for some reason they aren’t just flocking to my doorstep.

    So, new commitment: even if I’m feeling too squirrelly to leave the house, I need to hang out in more queer spaces, more of the time.

    And while I’m doing that, I’ll also be spending the weekend writing a crappy Kindle book about Tesla and re-watching Legend of Korra.

    • @branwyn Hey! I don’t know whether congratulations are exactly in order, but good on ya for moving on. I’m almost there myself, I think. Almost. It’s a little easier since she’s away for several months, but also maybe more difficult because what will happen when she gets back? Your situation is probably totally different but I really feel you!

      How long have you been in Baltimore? Are you originally from the mid-atlantic? If I weren’t over a hundred miles north of you, I’d almost certainly be flocking (or I guess not “flock”ing cause there’s only one of me but you know what I mean) to your doorstep!

      • I moved to Baltimore almost two years ago, from my home state of North Carolina. The mid-atlantic isn’t so different from the south as to induce culture shock, but I am surprisingly homesick. I didn’t leave under the best circumstances, but I’ve been better since I’ve been here.

        I’ve had almost that long to get over my last relationship…but it’s weird, because we talk online all the time. But she just started dating a guy, and it was kind of a massive jolt, but probably the one I needed. Distance is good! I probably should have put more distance between us at the beginning, but it was hard not to cling. I hope you get the perspective you need! And thank you. :-D

      • Ahh thank you for those links! Right after I moved here I started a support group for adult survivors of child abuse at the local LGBT center…but the center is kind of in chaos and doesn’t have its shit together, so it hasn’t been the resource I was hoping for. But now I have something new to check out! :-D

    • hello hello i am from Bmore! More like the larger Bmore area, but i’ve been ending up in the city a lot recently. i volunteer at The Walters Art Museum, which, while not a queer space, is a Very Good Space, imo. :)

  64. Congratulations on the baby!! I feel like everyone I know is pregnant right now. Not that I like, know you, but you know. It’s so exciting!

    I am nervous because I am getting my nose pierced tonight! I’ve wanted to since I was like 16 but here I am nearly 30 and finally getting on with it. With me luck! I’m having a sip of whiskey before I head out to help steel my nerves. I’m prettttty excited about it though, here’s hoping it works out!

    • Oh yeah, you’re in the baby fever period. I’m 33, but I feel like in my late 20’s literally EVERYONE was getting married and making babies. My Facebook timeline was just babies, babies, babies, weddings, babies. It hasn’t stopped, but it’s slowed down a bit. I remember being like, “Here’s a picture of my cat.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It’s weird being on the other side now!

      Good luck with the nose piercing. I hope it went perfectly and you love it!

      • Haha I am totally the cat person currently! Thankfully I love babies and pets so I’m cool with whichever way my Facebook feed is trending. Also the piercing turned great, I love it!

  65. KaeLyn, congrats!!!! Y’all are gonna have a little dino and that is so exciting :) :) :)

    What have I been eating this week? Well………we had a mandatory work lunch today at this restaurant that’s a pizza restaurant but they have a lunch buffet with other stuff on it too. I can’t eat pizza bc I’m lactose intolerant. So for lunch today I ate Salisbury steak, spaghetti, fish sticks, and green beans. Pretty sure that’s one of the weirdest combinations of foods I’ve eaten at one meal.

    I am in serious need of some motivation this weekend. The bathroom NEEDS to be cleaned. There is just no part of me that thinks cleaning the bathtub would be a fun way to spend my Friday night. But it’s so grimy and disgusting it really can’t wait. So I need someone to yell at me to get off the Internet and clean this bathroom RIGHT NOW.

    • Aaaaa! Clean your bathroom! Depending on where you live, it’s likely pretty late, so hopefully by this time you already have a shiny clean bathroom and a song in your heart. But if not–you know, get on that.

      • Yes! I cleaned it! It’s so shiny and clean now :) Thank you for the words of encouragement!

        • I’m so glad you cleaned it. I hate cleaning the tub, too, but when it’s done, I’m so proud! Enjoy your next squeaky clean shower!

  66. Well, now I’m waiting in hell for my payment to my college to go through, bundled in all of my blankets!

  67. Congrats, KaeLyn!!

    This thread is now my weekly reminder to catch up on articles and oh boy, there’s so many interesting ones this week! Good job, A-team!

  68. Honestly, I’m just shocked that someone hasn’t gifted you with a wafflemaker yet. Like, that’s exactly what I’d give a couple where one of them was named Waffle as a wedding present or a “oh hey we’re trying to have a kid” present because I am insufferable and enjoy puns far too much.

    I also don’t have tips for savory waffles because I didn’t realize they were a thing? But now I know they’re a thing I’m totally gonna experiment with them.

    My week has been really shitty and culminated with spending last night in the ER because of pain in my left side. I was discharged this morning with basically “lol we have no idea what’s wrong, take some drugs for the pain and here’s a referral to a GI specialist who can see you next month but it might not even be a GI problem haha good luck”. I’m incredibly frustrated, I’ve been crying a lot which is the worst because 1.) crying 2.) it makes it hurt worse, and I just want to not be in pain anymore. I want to be able to do stuff. I hate the emergency doctors’ visits I’ve had, I hate playing the phone tag, and this just feels incredibly unfair to be dealing with on top of my other health problems. And it’s also a little scary because this is the worst pain I’ve ever been in and nobody has any clue what’s causing it “but it’s not life threatening” like hello, if you don’t know what is causing it how can you say that it’s not a dangerous condition???

    • To be fair to our friends and family, we did own a waffle maker before. But it broke. So we just got a new one. Additionally, we told people not to send wedding presents, since we were already living together long-term. But Waffle has been gifted many waffle-related items, including actual waffles, boxes of Waffle Crisp, waffle toys, waffle pins and stickers, etc. We registered for a waffle-shaped teething toy because, WAFFLES. It’s a pretty ridiculous/good name!

      I’m so sorry you aren’t well and that your doctors can’t figure out what’s going on with you. I’m so, so, so sorry you’re in pain and they aren’t able to help you. That must be so frustrating and maddening. I’d be crying, too. I really hope they figure it out soon.



      Maybe Christine will be AT CAMP next year. OMG, yes, that is what I want to happen!

    • Sorry guys, I’ve been running around all day trying to figure out all the things because LIFE. Also she has her ticket ^see above^ IM SO SORRY IM NOT BEING THE WAY I ALWAYS AM AT FOT. But life. This weekend I’m running a 15k (9.3 miles) in San Diego, the Hot Chocolate run. Yes they give hot chocolate at the end and some sweets throughout the course to keep you going. Yes, this is sort of part of my training to Ragnar. The relay from Huntington Beach to San Diego in like 2 weeks!!!!!! GAH SO EXCITIED> I’m almost not too worried about the running part but it’s SUPER difficult to be coordinating 11 other bodies and all our things and logistics. It’s about 200-ish miles MAN AM I NUTS OR WHAT AMIRITE

      This is what my Sunday will look like =)

      OMG YOU GUYS I CANT BELIEVE CHRISTINE WILL BE HERE, I almost cried at the ticketing agency. My parents were so cool with going with me and helping me out because the ticketing lady at the agency is their new BFF. To everyone who saw and commented on our pictures here and supported us and know our LDR, it’s going to end so soon!!!

      BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT YOU. YOU HAIR. FURBABIES and YOUR BABIES. Speaking of babies CONGRATS @kaelynrich OMG BABY T REX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does this mean you really won’t be at camp. What’s gonna happen to #sleepcrew with @madderka and @translabyrinth (morgan I hope this is you!!!) BABIES!!!!

  70. Congrats on the baby!!! I worked at The Children’s Place for so many years in college and after and they definitely have a lot of cute gender neutral pajamas. And I imagine a perk of being the parent of a baby is getting to dress them in pajamas all the time and that’s ok.

    Right now I’m staying at my parents house because I’m going to a wedding tomorrow. I want to go to bed but I can’t because I’m sleeping on the couch and they’re up watching a Pee Wee Herman movie on Netflix.

    • I wish I could wear pajamas all the time. What a life! I am wearing an adult onesie right now, though, and feeling pretty good about it. Infants have it good, man.

      Your parents sound cool, but I’m sorry they’re keeping you awake!

  71. Congratulations on your little T. Rex!!!

    I’m on vacation in San Antonio with a group of friends, and it’s been super fun so far (not the drive down, though- fourteen hours, I do not recommend). It’s so muggyyyyyyyyy, but it’s a lot nicer than playing the hot/cold game in Missouri. We’re going to a Nightwish concert tomorrow night, and Fall Out Boy on Sunday, and MAYBE driving to the beach next week. Right now we’re watching Thundercats on Amazon Prime. I’m dreading going home and going back to work, but for now I can just ignore that and have fun, which is, you know, the POINT of vacations, SO.

  72. Hi. You’re great. Congrats on the babymakin’. I also saw Zootopia and adore it and everyone should see it. Ginnifer Goodwin is still lovely even as a rabbit. The baby attic fox (?) Is also fantastic. I want to someday instigate a howl. I think that would be rad.

  73. Oh man it’s babies everywhere! A dear friend of mine recently found out she’s pregnant after 11 YEARS of not being able to conceive. She’s 10 weeks in and I’m so happy/worried for her. She’s also dealing with a lot of difficulty around her foster child of a year possibly being returned to an unsafe home. I’m astounded at how awful the system is—it’s rarely really about what’s best for a child.

    I’m having an introvert’s evening tonight: I left work early because I have so much anxiety building up there any more. There’s enormous pressure to be positive that’s just starting to eat away at me. It’s exhausting to act happy and like everything is easy and fine and fun all the time. I’ve been feeling so much pressure to look a certain way, and I just don’t know if I can do it.

    Tomorrow I have a dinner party with kinky friends and Sunday I have a 4th date with a lady I like but don’t know how to be at all physical with because I’m so incredibly self-conscious even tho I really like her and I think she likes me.

  74. Congratulations!!

    H&M baby clothes are good for gender neutral – admittedly you have to go to the boy section to find them though…

  75. Oh my god! I just seized my best friend and shoved my tablet in her face, shouting ‘One of my favourite Autostraddle writers is pregnant! I know what she looks like in real life and she’s pregnant!!!’


  76. I’ve actually had a really good time for such a bad week.

    I broke up with my girlfriend, got sick, had a week of exams and found out the Australian government is gutting the much-needed Safe Schools program (aimed at both teachers and students and addressing gender and sexuality in a safe, non-judgmental, progressive and inclusive way).

    But I’ve still had a pretty good week, and since I’m sick I’ve spent the entirety of today in bed studying (and watching a movie) and it’s all been pretty nice and relaxing.

    Though I am still fuming about Safe Schools.

  77. I keep missing Friday open thread because time is an illusion and i live in a constant haze of asking the people around me “what day is it?”
    BUT I’m coming in two days late to say CONGRATU-FRIGGIN-LATIONS WOW BABY. I’m having a lot of queer feelsTM lately and now I’m having all the feels about queer parents being awesome I’m so pleased for you

  78. WHOOOOOPPPP!!! KaeLyn I am so so happy for you! And this happy news, on the same day that I received your Christmas card, you thoughtful, kind person you! Thank you and congratulations to you both! xxxx

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