FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: We’re Gonna Make It After All

Hey jolly ranchers and ranchettes! We’ve made it through another week. Well, almost. We have a few hours to go. I feel good about it, though, I think we’re gonna pull it off.

This week was so busy for me — I feel like I’m not even sure what happened. I had an event to go to almost every night this week! Applications to go through! Our car is making a weird noise! I have to get in all my info about workshops at camp! I keep thinking today is Saturday! We haven’t had time to go grocery shopping; what do I eat??

I’m trying to get through weeks like this and the last gray days of winter’s last gasp by planning the garden I’m going to plant soon — one of the reasons we took this apartment was because it has a yard in back with raised beds, perfect for a vegetable garden. I’m excited about tomatoes, zucchini, and hot peppers; cooking herbs like mint and cilantro and medicinal herbs like skullcap and yarrow. This will be my third year trying to get this garden going, and I know my ambitious dreams for it probably won’t be fully realized — the first year we only got two tomatoes and squirrels ate them both before we could, and the second year we got three entire ripe tomatoes but not until September and also the zucchini plant died after two zucchini for some reason — but I’m trying hard not to care about the outcome too much. It’s about the process! About living things being able to survive outdoors again! There’s food, theoretically, where before there was just dirt!

This is what got me through the Midwestern winter, and is now getting me through these weird post-winter days where it rains all the time and you can’t really tell when the sun rises or sets because everything is equally dim at all hours. What are you looking forward to? What’s getting you through this day, this week, this month, this year? Are you pumped about your plans to go to a Ren Faire later this spring and stay totally committed and in character as a time traveler from the future? Are you going to the dog park this weekend? Do you have plans to sleep in til noon? Tell me all about it!

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Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. First, as a Twin Cities resident and a journalist lady, I gotta say I dig the Mary Tyler Moore references. May she rest in power.

    I also thought it was Saturday today…even tweeted two bunny emojis (“Rabbit Rabbit”) in the middle of the night before I remembered what day it really was. Oops. *sips more cold brew*

    As for how I’m getting through – life, I guess, it’s been hard. One day at a time. I’m working on treating myself more and walking more. I have my first therapy appointment in nearly six months on Monday (new move to a new state/new living situation, wooo) and I’m both excited and terrified.

    Then my partner and I are taking our cat and moving closer to my work in what’s technically our first apartment together. Right now we’re crowded in her little studio so we can’t wait to move to a place with space. :)

    Have a good one, everyone!

    • that’s so awesome that you made that appointment, and i’ll cross my fingers for your move! being in a bigger apartment makes such a huge difference, especially with pets!

  2. I’m looking forward to getting a JORB! I’m looking forward to publishing my STORY!

    Those things have not yet happened, but hopefully they will soon, and thus I am looking forward to them.

    The past few weeks have kicked ass, where I got to go to my first comic con and meet the incredible Chris Claremont, who signed my copy of “God Loves, Man Kills” (a tremendous one-off X-Men graphic novel from the early 80s that I recommend to anyone, esp. if you are a fan of Kitty Pryde or Magneto). I then went to my super-awesome librarian conference where I met lots and lots of academic librarians and saw more alternative lifestyle haircuts than you’d expect to see around…well, around AS! Hahaha… I even met a contact I’d made right here on the site, and she was lovely, and she and another librarian and I had just met had a great chat with me about Important Librarian Matters.

    As great as all that was, it’s left me a bit brain-fried this week, but it’s all good. I now find myself being dragged kicking and screaming into the world of Twitter. Does anyone here have any advice on using Twitter in a way that doesn’t make it suck? My biggest problem is I’m not seeing the tweets from the people I actually care about and my feed is just a hopeless mess.

    Have a good one, Straddlers!

    • For me personally, the key to making Twitter not suck: TweetDeck!

      Twitter allows you to set up lists so that you can easily scroll through the tweets of one group of people at the time. TweetDeck lets you put your lists side by side for easy viewing. So, you can have one list of super-important friends, one list of acquaintances, one list for interest A, one list for interest B, and then scroll through only the ones you have time for right now… or view them all update in real time, but organised by content instead of mixed.

      • If your conference was last week, I was at the same conference!

        There are lots of good haircuts at library conferences.

        • Woo, librarian party! I wouldn’t be surprised to know that a few other AS users were at that conference, too. Feel free to message me if you want to exchange professional info, especially if you are a sciency-type person.

      • Wow, this was incredibly helpful. I had no idea I could even make lists. I will check that out.

    • @iamthekat whoa, i feel like we are doppelgangers. i’m looking for a new job and for a place to publish my novel, being jealous of everyone who gets to go to a con this year, about to update my own alternative lifestyle haircut before a library conference i’m going to in a few weeks.

      definitely checking out “god loves, man kills” since we are maybe the same person so i’ll probably like it.

      • Surprise life double! Heh. I’m self-publishing, so you can always go that route, especially if you don’t plan on putting out a paper book. However, I don’t know your situation, so I can’t confidently give you advice on what to do there. My series is a labor of love that I’ve been working on for 10+ years, and I’m ready to put it out there with no expectations. That said, would love to see it take off! Move over, GoT – Amazon Originals is going to pick up Inferno! (this is a fantasy)

  3. I registered for A Camp even though it’s an incredibly financially irresponsible decision for me right now, and it immediately improved my outlook on life!

    I gave up drinking and I’m re-commiting to something I’ve done in the past, which is avoid added sugars as much as possible. I’m giving up almost all social media and cutting back on TV.

    I’m giving up everything that is fun and I’m very excited about it!

    I think I’m going to make DIY “kinetic sand” for my nannykid tomorrow, and in April I’m attending a local workshop on early childhood education run by someone a colleague highly recommends. I’m so pumped!

    • Also I made a patch design that I’m proud of for the Lionz Klub Cabin (“Lions Club”; it’s OK; I forgive the individual who named our cabin for choosing the less cool spelling) and I’m trying to get quotes from various custom patch providers so we can make them a REALITY

    • all of this is really exciting and impressive! i’m proud of you! also if it turns out well will you share your kinetic sand recipe??

      • @internrachel of course! I might make some borax and Elmer’s glue “gak” in case it doesn’t work as planned. (more commonly called slime, but that’s what my nannykid calls a suspension of cornstarch and water, sooo)

  4. Ditto Gina Rodriguez ^^ what a treasure.

    Also: I’m psyched about moving! And making money as a freelancer! And being able to afford furniture! And most of all, about starting school to be a therapist!

  5. Hi friends and neighbors!

    Gina Rodriguez me toooooooo! I was having a bad day and babe sent me a gif of GR blowing bubbles and I was like YES FOREVER.

    I wrote a blog post about self-loathing, I’m excited abt it…

    I don’t really have springtime plans aside from planning some trips with babe (LA and Austin) and having a really relaxing spring/summer. I got an egg CSA and we get a beautiful delivery of multi-hued chicken eggs, and I mostly got it because after the baby comes we won’t get to spend money on goofy things, and babe loves eggs, so that’s cool.

    It’s been hella allergy season but there are also many blossoming things, which is wonderful, and I am posting a zillion pictures of flowering trees on my IG like a dooooooork.

    I have a super-slow weekend, which is great, I am worn out and need to be left alone to decompose in bed for at least 12 hours.

    Have a good weekend, sweet peas!

    • EGGS!! How does one get an egg CSA? This sounds magical. Hope you have the most relaxing weekend~~~

    • I read “decompose in bed” correctly at first. Doubted myself and thought, “Was that supposed to be ‘decompress’?” But I was right the first time and I like “decompose in bed” a lot :) Get all the rest you deserve!!

  6. Been very busy. Lot of stuff happening. Do I care? Yeah and nope. Just being positive because I grow tired of being negative too. I want to be a proton. I am also very hungry. Thinking of ideas for paintings. I still need to make my wife one. I was thinking of an anatomical heart with the Chelsea F.C. logo spray painted on it. Idk. She love football and that is her team.

    God I am so bored at work!

    Have a good weekend people. Sending some positive vibes out.

    • Just to say as another football fan I envy your wife so much. Do it. And I hope to have a partner like you one day.
      Also a painting of the stadium/favourite player would be nice if that’s at all your painting style.

  7. It’s been a rough week. The girl I really really liked just wants to be friends (which is obviously okay, but, like, doesn’t feel great), and then my mother texted me. I’ve stopped all contact with my family and still every time I see her name on my phone my body goes into full Fight/Flight/Freeze mode and it takes me at least a few days to re-inhabit my body fully again. Trauma responses are such a fucking bitch. Luckily I have a great therapist who gives me “homework” like “do not contact your mother this week” which takes some of the pressure off. So I’m trying to take deep breaths and journal all my feelings out and I should probably go to yoga tomorrow. The never ending process.

    I am looking forward to A Camp and I made my final payment this week!
    I am looking forward to CampNaNoWriMo which starts tomorrow so instead of accomplishing work things at work I am spending my afternoon on a detailed outline of my project because YOLO.
    I am looking forward to this weekend where I can chill and don’t have to see hardly anyone.
    I am looking forward to the goddamn sun coming out and for the temperature to hit “I dont’ have to wear socks” levels.
    Also — the level to which I am looking forward to an out queer companion on Doctor Who CANNOT be overstated.

    Have a great week!

    • I am glad you have so many things to look forward to!!! Also I am super excited about a queer companion but I stopped watching a few seasons ago and now I’m a bit exhausted at the idea of catching up. but QUEER COMPANION!!!

      • I feel like you could just leap back in with this series since they tend to sort of catch everyone up on a lot with a new companion. The writing got so hit and miss with Moffat, but the back half of the last season with Capaldi was really good.

  8. Hello gals and pals and also gal pals.

    I handed in my essay and now have a WHOLE WEEK off university before i come back to start a placement. And I’m going home to visit my parents and taking my girlfriend to meet them and then next Friday I am going on a mystery tour somewhere in Europe with my rugby team. As in, I find out three hours before the flight where we are going.

    Basically everything is exciting and I’m happy because I’ve done lots of work and now I’m gonna enjoy my holiday time before setting up for a busy exam and work time.

    Happy Friday peoples! Also Happy Trans Day of Visibility. I’ve seen so many fabulous pictures on fb already.

    • I suggest Funny Bones :) They’re a load of skeletons who live together with their skeleton dog and everyone in their world are skeletons :)

  9. Short term- the fact that tomorrow is April Fools is getting me so jazzed!!! Two years ago I started a tradition of putting googly eyes all around my apartment and the inside of my car. It’s one of my favorite things! So tomorrow I’m putting a lot in my car cause I shouldn’t put anymore in my apartment since I’ll be moving in a few months.
    long term- I just found out a few days ago that I got into a grad program for Critical Studies (critical theory and creative research)!!!!! I found the program at the beginning of the month, a week later finished my application, and about two weeks after that got accepted (they hadn’t even received my recommendations yet!)!!!! I initially applied kinda not thinking anything would come of it but like why not try? But now I’m in! And I have to move in the summer! It’s so real now! wow!

    • 1. Googly eyes on everything are hilarious–I did something similar in college!
      2. CONGRATS on your grad program!!

    • ah, congratulations on your acceptance! that’s so exciting! i hope you share pictures of your googly eyes once you have them done!

      • Favorite of all the googly eyes situation: (hope the picture works, I’m usually ok at this but the helpful code box at the end isn’t showing the code and I don’t quite remember it)

  10. Wait but also, I’m really excited about my job as an early childhood educator / toddler wrangler

    I’m always really excited about my job, but recently some changes were made that make the last hours of the school day much calmer, and I spent some time in the classroom of a co-worker who is a toddler wrangling magician; I’m feeling very in tune with the kind of teacher I want to become, and what kind of classroom I want to have, and first steps I can take to achieve that, even though I’m not a lead teacher.

    ALSO, IMPORTANT, does anyone have any where the wild things are levels of great book recs for twos and threes?

    I’m running out of Maurice Sendak to read, but the kids request Wild Things and In The Night Kitchen literally every day.

    They like books that have action and good story and DARKNESS – sadness, fear, and anger, and danger! – and I like reading books that have a good rhythm and / or kind of rhyme.


    • Hi! I was literally having a conversation with someone yesterday about the creepy books I read as a toddler. In a Scary Old House and Scary, Scary Halloween were two of my faves when I was in that age group. I basically made each day, every day, into my own personal Halloween. Looking up scary toddler-level book reviews from the month of October 2016 in a Google advanced search should display a good crop of contemporary content. :D

      … unless your Young People are 99.9% less creepy than I was as a kid.

      • @kaye this is a really good suggestion, but unfortunately I work in a Christian preschool where even the word “Halloween” isn’t allowed ?

    • @m1ch0u ok, i’m assuming you mean ages two and three, not grades, so i’ve dug around my storytime recs list looking for action and good story that can hold toddlers’ attention as well as where the wild things are:

      up up down by robert munsch works especially well if you hike the book up with every “up” and do a “fall down” with it. i use it in storytime at the library all the time (it’s a bit long but it’s repetitive enough to get the attention of the kids younger than 3 if it’s the first one you read).

      i used to overlook we’re going on a bear hunt by michael rosen and jan oxenbury but it is SO MUCH FUN to read while tapping your foot to the rhythm of it. so many groups i’ve read it to always want to read it again right after i’ve finished it, so we parade around the library stomping our feet to it. fantastic & a bit of suspense about the bear.

      shortcut by donald crews is suspenseful and doesn’t have any overarching moral lesson to attach to, but so many kids i’ve read it to all go totally silent (especially if trains are common in your area). the threat is real.

      bark, george by jules feiffer is funny AND has a pretty dark twist at the end. it’s about a dog that doesn’t make dog sounds so his mom takes him to the vet and discovers he’s swallowed all of the animals he is imitating. at the end he barks so the mom takes him into the public to get him to show off to a crowd of people and instead of barking he says hello. a lot of the younger kids won’t get it the first time, but they learn to laugh anyway, haha. i made a life-size george for kids to stick their hands into his mouth to pull out small stuffed animals and they all squealed with joy when i put him in the crowd for the punchline.

      gorilla gorilla (in the uk and aus it’s called killer gorilla) by jeanne willis and tony ross is a “have you seen my baby” kind of story with the added threat of a killer gorilla in pursuit. in the end we learn the gorilla is trying to return the baby so there’s a lesson about judging. it’s also fun to scream “help help! he’ll catch me! he’ll mince me and mash me!” etc. long but repetitive.

      these next ones aren’t real story-focused, but they might be good ones to do after you’ve done a story-focused one:

      pete the cat and his four groovy buttons – i made up my own tune to this one and do a bit “hoooooo!” at the end of the song and the kids all laugh. it’s also a great one to make your own felt story out of it.

      the wide-mouthed frog by keith faulkner – a pop-up book that totally rules and uses the medium to great effect

      press here by herve tullet – might start a riot over who gets to press the dots on the page. good with a smaller group to limit whining. definitely practice beforehand.

      can you make a scary face by jan thomas – the 2-year-olds love this one. gets their energy out since they have to dance like a chicken etc. you’ll have to explain that they scared away the ladybug at the end because nobody gets it.

      mouse paint by ellen stoll walsh – a learning colours sort of book. great for days that they do painting. fantastic as a felt story as well.

      • @spunutu YOU ARE MY HERO

        Also I totally get the “long but repetitive” thing

        But I’ve gotten them all to sit through cat and the hat where others have failed, so I think a lot of it is being really into the story

        I’m fully committed to doing all the voices and over acting the shit outta it, and that goes a really long way

        • @m1ch0u absolutely!!! i have seen some of my old standbys fail in the hands of someone who can’t commit to the excitement of the story.

          so glad i ran across your comment today. i’ve been unemployed for a few months now and i was in dire need of someone asking for a list of recommendations! good luck with the kids! i hope they like some of the stories :)

    • I once made my ex read me Where the Wild Things Are six times in a row when I was sick, which is definitely a reasonable thing for a 29-year-old to do

      • Once in high school I found out there were kids books in the library, so naturally one morning

        (we all came in early and hung out and copied each other’s homework)

        I made them all sit in a circle while I read them The Lorax

        Reading picture books aloud is unironically my favorite thing to do and that story about your ex is v endearing @lemonade

  11. GALS. You know how there’s always The One That Got Away? WELL SHE CAME BACK AND IS NOW MY GIRLFRIEND AND MY BRAIN = PINK COTTON CANDY.

    I feel like a teenager, I can’t get any work done and WHAT I have an actual girlfriend who I’m DATING and who is mad about me and whom I want to make happy and my cheeks are cramping because I haven’t been able to stop smiling all week and all other aspects of my life have also been falling into place in the last month or so (like I have a record deal for my solo project!) and it’s so much happiness I can’t believe it’s all true. !!!!!

  12. Hi all! I’ve been re-lurking after a longish hiatus, and wanted to share a few things with everyone here. First, I got a new tattoo!

    A post shared by Becka LaPlant (@laplantbr) on Mar 31, 2017 at 11:04am PDT

    And, I wrote a thing:

    Anyway, it’s been nice coming back to AS! I’ve become addicted to the Fosters summaries, even though I’ve never watched an entire episode of the show. And it’s just nice to know all of you lovely people are on the other side of the internet, rolling your eyes or geeking out over all the same stuff as me! :)

    • Good to know that I’m not the only one that only “watches” the Fosters via autostraddle summary!

  13. I’m looking forward to going hiking on the coast this weekend! On an island! In the English Channel! It sounds so much more exotic if you forget how close to the English Channel I live.

    Also pretty excited about a new look I’ve been rockin’ that makes me feel a lot less “invisible femme”. Faux leather jeans, tights, deep V-neck T-shirt, blazer with rolled up sleeves, hair styled in a faux undercut and very bright magenta lipstick. I’m not sure I’m visibly queer, but I’m visibly SOMETHING.

    That’s what I was wearing while grocery shopping today. I was feeling pretty good about it. Then I got to the cash register and this super cute femme-y cashier had on an equally bright coral lipstick, similarly long hair in a faux alternative style, all the same piercings as I have, store blazer rolled up, and a flannel shirt peeking out. I so badly wanted to “I see you sister!” at her, but that would’ve been creepy and weird.

    • Faux leather SHORTS, not jeans. Haven’t worn jeans in 15 years. Not sure how that got in there.

    • Sounds like you’re visibly AMAZING and also I would most def read this outfit as queer, just saying.

    • Even still that sounds like a great place to hike with beautiful views of the coast(and cliffs?). Hope the weather is super nice that day and you have a blast!

      • Thank you. :) Coast, pink and blue granite cliffs, some sandy dunes and probably a neolithic dolmen. We’re pretty spoiled for awesome hiking areas.

    • arg I need a “visibly something” look! Even with my hair up in a bun showing my actual undercut and wearing a plaid shirt I still don’t look non-hetero lol!

      Sounds like you’re rocking it, good job!

  14. I’m in DC! Visiting supportive relatives! It’s just as grey outside as Ohio. I’m looking forward to the family time with people who respect my new name and pronouns. It is odd being so close to the tyrant. But there are protests tomorrow and I’m hoping we can go.

  15. Zucchini, yes! Last weekend I kicked off barbecue season and forgot to pick up delicious zucchini. Good luck on your garden, Rachel! Today is my day off before my last work day before vacation xD So far, I’m just hanging out in my jammies with my cats, watching yesterday’s “Getting in Bed with Kristin” and finishing up a post on my book blog. =^.^=

  16. It figures that the semester I was forced to take off by the Bursar’s Office here at CU is the one semester where nobody in the APS Department has any money to hire an undergraduate for research. Despite that and my trouble finding a job, there is a ray of light. This semester, my department hired two brand new faculty who will be coming in during the summer and will have cash to start their research teams as well as be looking to hire quickly. Since I don’t go anywhere during the summer, I have something definite to look forward to, I just have to get in immediately after the semester ends but it’s the best hope I’ve had for a while.

    Another thing helping me cope is the video game Terraria. The act of building something in that game helps calm me down after the news does its level best to drive me insane. My thought process: “The rotting pumpkin with an obvious toupee did WHAT now? *sigh* Time to build another wing onto the base, and incorporate more rainbows this time.” Building games, keeping me sane one block at a time.

    Also helping has been the international elections this year (so far, here’s hoping the other two that I know are coming will be positive or at least non-negative). The Dutch elections didn’t go to the person I might have hoped, but at least they rejected their own extremists. Sadly, it looks likely that the French hatemongering party will make it past the first round of their presidential elections, but thankfully they will almost certainly fail in the second round. Then there’s the AfD in Germany. Last I checked they weren’t polling that well, so maybe our troubles have done some good at least by showing several countries in Europe that what we’re going through is definitely not something they want.

  17. I have a date tomorrow with a girl who looks like Veronica Lodge from Riverdale and I am so excited and nervous at the same time!!

  18. My sorority changed the international bylaws to allow anyone who identifies as a woman to join, and although it was long overdue seeing all of my (mostly straight, cis) sister celebrate the change made me realize how much I really love these women. Also, a professor recommended me for a job teaching music this summer, which is what I’m going to school for, and I’m definitely looking forward to that! It’s been a great week!

  19. Ugh this months has been rough. The whole gig economy thing is just, ugh… also, my weird sleep issues have come back, after years without them. Tweeking meds and suppliments to see if it will help. Why am I so sensative to eveything?

    Also, my youngest is in full on toddler hell mode. She is so stinking cute, but wow, I had forgotten how hard this age is!

    What is keeping me going is getting to register for classes soon! Finally going back to school. I am excited and terrified! Also, The Great British Baking Show. Oh, and a cute woman liked me on OKC!

  20. I made an appointment to get a haircut! And I’m also going to dye my hair for the first time in my life! So excited. I really like my natural color but I need a change. Thinking about platinum blonde? My friends told me it would fit me but I’m not really convinced since my skin isn’t very pale and I’m afraid I won’t look good, though I love that color. I have two months to think about it anyway, can’t wait!

    I went to see Jesus Christ Superstar and get to see parts of the city I’ve never been to. Before the show I took a walk in the park and I felt spring for the first time this year? I don’t know, I saw laughing children playing football and haven’t felt this relaxed in a long time.

    I feel like my best friend is ignoring me and I don’t know if I should say something. We live in different cities and don’t see each othe very often. She doesn’t answer my messages and even if she does it’s like “hey I have so many things to tell you”, I’m like “okay” and then for not a word for a week? I’ve already talked to her about it and I know it’s partly because of her mental health but more and more I feel like that’s not the case and nothing actually changed? I don’t want to be a jerk but I also don’t wanna hide my feeling, I don’t know.

    Oh and my San Junipero pin from Kate Leth arrived yesterday!! I’m pretty impressed because I ordered it like nine days ago and it’s been sent from the US only a week ago. I can’t stop staring at it <3

    Hope y'all have a great weekend!

  21. My motivation, like the amount of good tea I have left, is rapidly declining. The rough draft of my undergraduate thesis was due two weeks ago but I can’t make myself stop binge-watching Buffy while typing a series of near-identical emails full of promises that I’ll send another chapter soon. I have unrealistic expectations, though, so my last email was probably a lie. I only feel motivated to work at night when I realized I’ve wasted several hours of potential writing time, but by then I am so tired that I get distracted really easily. The other night in a sleep-deprived delirium I made a poem out of phrases from a shitpost generator and sent it to friends at three in the moring. (My favorite line is, “Eggs. I can’t tell what they are carrying, so I carry them”.) Procrastination really is the gift that keeps on giving.

    The fact that I am graduating in 51 days is all that is keeping me going. It’s a little scary because I have to do a lot of work before then, but it’s also nice to know that whatever happens–even if my thesis is awful and I don’t get perfect grades in my final classes–in 51 days I’m going to put on a robe and hold a diploma. It makes me feel better about all of the other aspects of the future that I have much less control over.

  22. I have my first volunteering gig at our local LGBTQ center today – I’m helping out at an artist showcase for Trans Visibility Day. Woo hoo.

    And I’ve started a new big freelancing contract and on the days that my anxiety isn’t piloting the ship, it’s going pretty well. Which is awesome.

  23. I had what I’m choosing to call a Ring of Keys moment this week. I got my hair cut, and it’s cute as hell, and the next morning I got dressed and looked in the mirror and I was like, “Oh my god, this is what I wanted to look like when I was a kid.”

    My job is sending me on a trip to the city where my girlfriend lives, so that’s amazing. I leave tonight and I keep getting butterflies when I think about it.

    I brought donuts in to share with people this morning but very few people on my team came to get any so there are 5.5 giant, ridiculous donuts sitting on my desk and it is taking all of my willpower not to have an nth one.

  24. My week was kinda long, not in the worst way but I’m still tired. My grandma’s funeral was Monday (she was like my second mother) and it went definitely 900% better than expected, but I had to wear a dress (because I didn’t want to go through the absolute shit of trying to figure out which pants I could fit/end up not eating again) which added like not great feelings to the day and I thought I was doing okay? But I woke up and couldn’t sleep til 4 am the next day and I’ve been having nightmares all week and stuff and I’ve repressed my childhood yes? But I want to miss her/love her fully so I’ve been trying to bring stuff back and it’s a mess and so not good.

    On the good side!

    I signed up for roller derby cause I did a spoken word thing last week at Whole Foods? And I’m like if I can do that, I can probably do anything. And I’m really excited about that!

    Three people have contacted me to apply for/do artsy things and I’m honored, and it came after two rejections so it was nice.

    My LAMBDA anthology came in the mail and I’m in it! My name and my words are in there!

    I’m going to see Princess Nokia tonight and I’m so excited but also nervous/anxious cause it’s late and I haven’t been to a concert in a while and I have work early in the morning but I’m trying to still do nice things for myself sometimes even if I don’t feel like I deserve it.

    Also! 30/30 starts tomorrow and I’m pumped! I’m in a group that’ll hold me accountable and I’ve been starting shit weeks before and reading really great stuff and I’ve got so many people who care for me and show it in lovely ways even if I can’t always be present for it and like, I’m sad as fuck all the time, but I’m allowing myself to be and I’m a little extra sentimental cause I’m a bit hungover but overall, this is going a lot better than I expected, this whole life thing.

    Anyways, I hope you all have a great weekend!

    • i’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother’s passing — i really admire that you’re trying to stay present with those feelings even though it’s difficult, and i hope you’re taking care of yourself! congratulations on the LAMBDA anthology, and i hope the show tonight is amazing!

    • I didn’t end up going to the concert cause PTSD things and such BUT I watched Suicide Kale and I just want everyone to know that I love Jasika Nicole, like I have since WTNV but also I love the entire cast???????/ I needed everyone to know and that made this Friday night so much better so special thanks to Brittani Nichols, what you’ve created is amazing <3

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. I so relate to your post (except the rollar derby).

      I ended up not going to my grandmother’s funeral almost exactly 2 years ago for PTSD related (also shitty extended family related) reasons. PTSD can really suck. Good for you for taking good care of yourself, even when part of you is resistant.

      Go you.

  25. I just wanted to drop in and tell you how I’m at the gym this very minute, unintentionally bruising tender, male ego.
    It’s 9 pm and I dropped by after work to unwind and have been finding myself on the row back machine, the bench press, the free weights,getting weird looks from the manly men around me the whole time.
    Because I’ve been doing the same weights they’ve been doing.
    Did I mention how I have breasts, am 5’2″ and look like the epitome of a book nerd?

  26. I actually have so many things to look forward to!!

    First of all, I’m looking forward to this day being over because daaaaamn it’s been a week. I was house/animal sitting for a friend, which is a labor of love I’m happy to do, but she lives the next town over from me so it was a ton of back and forth and also, I live by myself and have zero pets and so going from that to having myself, two dogs, two cats, three chickens, a fish, and a horse to look after is no joke! I’m excited to sleep in my OWN BED tonight and just spend sometime decompressing in my own house!

    Longer term things I’m looking forward to include going to an abortion doula training next weekend, representing my UU congregation at the UU Mid-America conference in Chicago (by chance, any Straddlers gonna be there?!) and going to the Department of Children and Families Youth Services Conference the beginning of May! Yay travel!

    Today I went with some of my Returned Peace Corps Volunteer pals and presented at our local middle school, which was dope. We then went out to lunch and I had a giant margarita and now I’m a little tipsy at my desk! (shhh!). I’m looking forward to two hours from now when my work day is over and I’m looking forward to having a relaxing weekend! I hope the same for all of you! <3

  27. I spent two hours recording chapters of my fiction podcast only to discover that there was some kind of weird bug in my recording software. The mic was also not happy with me. It really sucked because the reading I was doing from the text was actually good, but I guess that means more practice? But it was disappointing/frustrating because it was a waste of two hours. Anyway, it’s fixed now. Thank Gods.

    But I’ve been trying to learn self-promotion by pretending that I am the kind of person who self-promotes. It’s scary and has led to situations like underhandedly flinching my hand with a card to my website towards someone who says something cool at an event while trying not to get skittish about eye contact to dropping a handful of said cards in the rain-saturated indoor shoe area ground while trying to leave them someplace. I’m an extrovert, but I’m way better at being in-your-face about the last thing I read in my Mendeley library or the hilarious thing my cat did yesterday or rattling on about dystopias and information science than I am about showing off my creative work to strangers. There are levels of vulnerability involved in conversations and the last thing in that list is just qualitatively different. I’m trying to remember that other people say I have poise even when I’m in stressful situations. Anyway. It’s this thing:

    The piece about lesbian power couples was great, incidentally, and I shared it with my girlfriend so she has a better idea of my ENTJ position on our shared relationship goals. Clear communication is important in a relationship.

  28. So part of the highway went down in flames yesterday and now I’m just like… how do I explain to work that I am terrified of driving in general and knowing that somewhere near by (but not actually impacting my commute) a road collapsed means that I’m pretty in hell no.

    ^–Probably a perfect rendition of my face. Also. Get off my lawn.

    I finished a short story last weekend, though! And i feel pretty good about that. I’m going to revise an old story this weekend, or try to go for a double. (Its easy to finish things when its only 4k) Thats pretty my motivation: small successes to make me feel like a person

  29. Happy TVoD to all my fellow trans peeps out there!!

    What’s been getting me through things is my freaking awesome physical therapist. I went from “not entirely sure I should be driving myself I’m in so much pain” before my appointment Tuesday to “pain is there but barely noticeable” walking out of my appointment! Also my inferential unit (similar to a TENS unit but a little different) came on Tuesday and it helps a bit with pain (but unfortunately really only helps while I’m zapping myself) and that’s helping things. AND since I had a really bad pain flare up last weekend I didn’t move from the couch for like 4 days and not walking around seems to have had the affect of reducing my tendonitis in my ankle a wee bit, so I can like, go to Wegmans and buy groceries without being in tons of pain from that afterwards, which is exciting.

    But on the downside, what we thought was GI issues from my dog’s new food is actually hepatitis, which the vet thinks is from the UTI she also had. The vet was just as surprised as I was to get the results of her bloodwork at the appointment yesterday (her one liver enzyme was out of range it was so high, which is over 20x the normal range). She got to stay overnight last night and is doing a lot better which is good! But is still probably going to be staying tonight as well, and I’m just a bit worried about her still because she’s 15 and has a boatload of other health problems that the stress from being at the vet and/or the hepatitis could cause problems with. So if y’all are will to send some good vibes to this beautiful old lady warrior princess pup that’d be dope

    • Hopefully the sheer terribleness of this gif is as hilarious to you as it is to me. And Happy Trans Day of Visibility!

    • Sending you and your beautiful warrior princess some {{hugs}} and healing power. Vet visits are always scary when you have an older dog!

      So glad your pain is doing better. Those moments of relief are pretty awesome. Here’s hoping you are able to stay pain-free/low-pain for a long time!

  30. What is getting me through is community & being in nature. Though it does help I am in a part of SoCal where we skip to late spring and talk about how we rather be having a drink ice tea or a cold caguma(slang Mexico for large beer bottle, but also a brand of beer named after a type of ? native to Mexico) at the beach. In fact I think I will spend some time in nature on Sunday.

    How’s everyone’s week? I’ve had mix week of ups and downs. Sunday I went to a queer carnival & fundraiser at coffeehouse to open up a safe space that isn’t a bar. It’s in/near East Hollywood in an area that one person told me is the new affordable queerborhood. I had a blast at the carnival! There was vibrator races, cock ring toss. queer portraiture, spanking with consent booth, and the world’s largest latex dental dam kissing booth(so fun). Met so many cool lgbtq folks; including members of a queercore band that has a trans woman bassist, & a non-binary singer(who told me it’s not that hard to get your music on Spotify if you are indie/self-produced band). Saw a person who u matched with and then unmatched with on tinder, and someone I recognized from Tumblr. Plus, Buck Angel was there and Jiz Lee was on the invite list. You know a typical queer party(minus the celeb part). If anyone is interested the coffeehouse I think is called HiCuties(at least that’s their social media name), and they tell me it will have various options, including vegan and gluten free options.

    I was having such a gay old time I didn’t really take too many pics or videos.

    The down part was once I left the event I was sad the rest of the world isn’t as inclusively queer or cool as events like this. Ugh, but beside that the rest of the week was okay. I finally got a reply from another queer on OKCupid after weeks of trying to chat with people. Same with Tinder, but that’s still that frustrating mess of matching with someone, only to get unmatched within a minute or after you say your opening line. Ugh why?

    On my way back from the carnival I saw this great quote on a wall.

    And I did this one this morning while waiting for my car to get fixed/upgraded. Lighting wasn’t in my favor.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • “There was vibrator races, cock ring toss. queer portraiture, spanking with consent booth, and the world’s largest latex dental dam kissing booth(so fun).”

      Aaaah. Sounds amazing!!

      • It really was, then add a bunch of cool queer, bi, pan, lesbian, and trans people and it takes it up a level. Like seriously it was cool. Oh there was also a person with a leather harness type thing doing tarot card readings.

  31. Heyo Autostraddle fam!

    I haven’t been here in a while again. I don’t know what caused it, maybe just getting wigged out from the weather changing but I started to get really anxious and panicky around the beginning of the month. It’s evened out a little though I did decide for my own sake to not watch a lot of things that might trigger an attack or be more mindful of just what might make me anxious. I was talking to my ex about it and because I have to liken everything to some obscure nerdy thing, I told him was a lot like Fiver from “Watership Down” and his “visions”, how I would just get this overwhelming feeling of something bad being about to happen, that I needed to scramble to find somewhere safe. But like I said, the worst of it is over now and I am kind of grateful it doesn’t happen in situations like work.

    Speaking of work, it’s been kind of a slog but I guess I’m at the point where my co-workers (who I still consider to be mostly annoying dipshit college kids) where I’m sorta friendly with them, I guess? They say ‘Hi’ to me when I come into work and they’re more or less nice to me but I’m still really not people I’d want to hang out outside of work, if that makes sense. It’s weird that I crossed that gulf where, granted I’m not THAT old (I’m only 26) but just being around early twenty somethings I’m like “WOW. I do not have the same priorities are y’all do at ALL.” I still remember last year being so EAGER to want a job, ANY job and now that I have one, I realize that with all my non-life threatening but still serious health issues, not having health insurance is a bigger deal than I thought. I honestly don’t know how serious the anxiety attacks are, if they’re going to get to a point where I need treatment for them and I know I have depression though again, how serious it is (if it’s something I need medication for), I don’t know. Then there’s my periods which just DESTROY me every month hinting at maybe it’s a repeat of a hormonal imbalance problem I had before a while ago so I don’t know.

    BUT! Good news, or at least, upbeat news!
    At the very least, the heightening anxiety is making me want to pare down the things that might add to my stress. I had to make a decision and tell this guy I was going to do a collab with (a guy who was getting a little…weird and overeager) that I had to at least put our project on pause for now. I mean, I felt bad that he seemed super into this idea but I had nothing to show on my end because I’m doing the art and we’re going to split the writing responsibilities and I didn’t think it was fair to ghost him and least not say WHY. It’s not that I couldn’t do it, it’s just I’m trying to figure out exactly how much time I have I can carve out when I’m not working to do something “productive” but still have enough slack that I’m able to at least relax on my days off. Plus the idea he was proposing seemed a bit more…ambitious than the stuff I’d worked on before. The biggest thing I’d finished was a mini-comic and even that took the benefit of doing it over the summer when I had nothing going on and a lot more free time, even if I had to MAKE my Mom take me to the library to ink the pages in relative silence and privacy so I could make the deadline.

    Because I’m out of practice, I want to start small and build up and not IMMEDIATELY work on something big because being honest about my abilities, I have a ways to go before I feel “right” calling myself a maker of comics. I don’t want to consider myself “done” just because I completed one and I’ve earned a place when I’m still not making as much as I could be making. There’s still so much I’ve yet to learn but I want to pace myself and work on the things I know I have trouble with, or at the very least rethink my approach. (which usually starts with how I want it to LOOK and less about the story I want to tell.) So my plan is to make a zine: kinda a short zine about “Give my regards to broad street”. I had wanted to tell my story about WHY I think it’s a bad movie for a long time in some form or another but I felt like I lacked the necessary way of telling WHY it’s bad or HOW it’s bad and I just decided “You know what, it’s time. I need to actually get this done.” In a weird way, since I discovered it, I didn’t know a lot about the intricacies of movies or really film criticism or just HOW films get made, how so much of it’s a balancing act. I could understand how movies could be bad, but how I want to frame this was that it was a bad movie that baffled me so much that I sought out, maybe unconsciously, ways of thinking about movies more analytically to get to the crux of it or just understanding why I didn’t like it. So it’s a passion project and maybe less of a “comic” but more of an illustrated film essay. Will anybody buy it or even want to read it? I don’t even know but at the very least, it’s something I feel like only I could make. Again, likening things to other unrelated nerdy things, I feel a bit like Pearl from Steven Universe in the sense that I’m very diplomatic and I don’t like having strong opinions that may cause people to disagree with me because I hate conflict so I always try to be very middle ground and it comes off as wishy washy but this at least, is something I feel very strongly about, that I’ve thought maybe way too much about the internal logic of a Paul McCartney movie from the eighties where he has a ZZ Top car with FLAMES PAINTED ON THE SIDE SERIOUSLY WTF. Lol it’s a symptom of my own need to not wanting put something down of hand but wanting to understand it. But yeah. I’ve split up the stages (1st week is writing the script!) so I have a timeline to get it done. I mean, it’s too soon to think about and I don’t think I’ll be able to reserve space at SPX in September but maaaaybe I’ll have that done by then so if any Autostraddle lovelies see me hanging around, I’ll be more than happy to give out copies :D

    ALSO! Remember when I said (a while ago) that I was experimenting with making vaporwave? Well, I had gotten frustrated and the whole thing hinged on me joining Reddit and subscribbing to r/makingvaporwave so I was just like “Fuck it. I don’t care if I get shown what a scrub I am. I’m asking for advice.” and I got a LOT of very positive feedback and advice, mostly to switch to another DAW. So I downloaded a trial version of Ableton live and since it’s a free monthly trial version, it has a built in deadline. I haven’t made anything yet but I feel bursting with confidence to at least get one thing done and now I know why I had trouble before trying on my own. Speaking of Reddit, I signed up to a gift exchange (the Dear Diary exchange) and got a REALLY nice leather-bound journal and since my note I said I like “aesthetic” shiny things like gems and jewels, my Secret Santa also sent me some stick on jewels but it’s so nice I don’t want to put them on.

    I sent in my journal to my match this week along with some Marvy Le Pens so I hope they like it when it arrives.

    Also, Himalayan salt lamp! It’s so glowy! :D

    Wow, I typed a LOT. Jeez. That’s what I happens when I don’t check in every week >_>;

    • I get it. I’m 21 and the highschoolers at my job (today is my last day) are so annoying. It’s like they don’t know how to work, but in all honesty that’s some older people too. Some of the people in my community are 25-30 and they don’t have shit together and they’re still fooling around. It’s frustrating as hell.

  32. This week, like last week, has been tiring. Last week was slow and full of work. This week was fast and full of work. Still green at this new job so I’m plowing through work while trying to remember to stop, look, and learn from it all. The big question mark on healthcare reform has also kept us busy and state legislative sessions coming to a close in two or three months have kept us busy as well. The last few months have been a roller coaster in the career department.

    Aside from that, life is happening. What’s been keeping my going this week is a lot of self-reflection and plans to see our roller derby friends back home for their season opener (my wife and I are Massachusetts implants in Connecticut). I had a moment of “I feel… new?” Like suddenly all my introspection came to a central point and I lay to rest a lot of anxiety, sadness, and uncertainty about the changes that have happened to me and my life as of late and about the road ahead. I feel refreshed, comfortable with my change, and prepared to move forward with my new perspective. I felt like since the new year started I’ve been shuffling my feet in embracing what’s next between leaving my old job, starting a new job, and questioning relationships with people that I held close (which triggered this long process of coming to grips with the kind of emotional creature I am and the person who’ve I known and wanted to be but hadn’t quite come eye to eye with). Today felt different though. I had a moment of clarity and felt release.

    Happy weekend everyone <3

  33. Saturday I made the ruff puff pastry dough from Soggy Bottoms.
    Then baked two 5×10 tarts which I got 3 meals out of.
    Feta and herb with some tomato, and straight up tomato.
    Sundried tomato paste is the best lazy way to do pizza sauce.
    The last piece of the tomato tart made a most glorious breakfast.

    I’m still riding high on my culinary mastery.
    But at least I’m not squealing “I made flaky pastry” at random any more.

    Buffy is leaving Netflix sometime tonight and I managed to rewatch all but 2 episode I feel bleh over.
    Going to try to watch Once More with Feeling and sing along one last time to uh a certain song.

    • Dude. That’s pretty badass. I’m still largely afraid of pastry, even though I’m an experienced baker. And those tarts sound amazing.

      • It felt badass. :3
        Even tho it wasn’t like lamination-lamination with the horror sheet of butter in the middle.

        Have a look:

        Uh what does “experienced” mean or entail with non-professional baking? Cause I don’t have a determined criteria set up.
        I still think of myself of as a baby baker and I’ve been at it longer than most people have been in high school.
        But uh I’ve been deemed the “yeast baker” of the family because I’ve never had bad time with or struggled at all with bread EVER and pretty much breezed through pretzel making that one time.
        At holiday get togethers something from my oven or stove is expected to make an appearance.
        Awaited in some cases.
        Even gotten a birthday request once for rainbow cupcakes.

        Like what counts as “experienced”?

        This is question I’m asking about a lot of things right now. You don’t have to answer it.

        Yes, Kay they were amaaaaazing and the best part was the feta is left over from Lebanese take out.
        My flight of yummy fancy was economical as could be.
        The butter was from a holiday sale on baking goods I keep in my freezer.
        I’m all proud of myself from all sorta angles.

  34. Okay so instead of talking about myself, I’m going to take time out to learn on transawareness day. I ran across a post that said Transwomen are biologically female & have female chromosomes. Transwoman have woman reproductive systems. I support transfolk all the way, but this threw me off. I always thought of gender & sex as 2 different things. Gender is performance & sex is biological. I actually agree with those statements, but what if someone is at the doctor? Should sex and gender be seperated or are they the same thing? I ask this with respect of course, but I am confused.

  35. It’s rainy here in Philly and I’m coming down from a rollercoaster work week. My kiddos are in an end of the week trance in front of the tv, and I’ve snuck off to enjoy this amazing whitefish with walnuts bagel I put together. And dark chocolate covered salted almonds. I am almost exactly 2 months into a new job, which came after a decade in another job that I hated by the end. I am so grateful that I love this new position and I’m still pinching myself that for the first time since college (20 years) I’m in a totally queer and trans firendly workspace with LGBT coworkers who I actually like. Amazing! I hope everyone finds some rest or joy this weekend. xoxo.

  36. Happy trans day of visibility :) (how baby gender queer/ignorant am I that I hadn’t even heard of that before… Anyway great cause for a day)

    Anyone else hate April fools? Or just what it’s morphed into in recent years? I hate how all the mainstream sites will carry ‘fake news’ or turn themselves upside down or something and I’ll prob buy it or be over-cautious and not believe anything for the next twelve hours. And my dads more aspie than me so I could say I liked Donald trump tomorrow and he’d buy it despite how often I go on about how I feel about things.

    I’m really glad I’m out of my hometown. I do love the place but there’s certain things I can’t separate from it. Round here a couple of boats burnt down (diesal engine blew or something) and my dad text me to ask if it was vandalism/arson. I doubt it as we have cameras everywhere but it would be there. And my dad went out only to see our town bigots having a huge party and there were loads of them. It really tests my patience. They’re at least xenophobes/religious bigots and some of them are worse (actual anti black racist and/or violent) but I’m trying to be pacifist about it… They really don’t like me. I think he just acted quiet and went home.

    Text my on-off who’s bi. Explained I might be bi gender but was in closet. Radio silence for a week (London distance). Before I explained what it was she was all kisses in the text. I’d not mind but she’s bi so it’s not like it’s the masculine thing putting her off and anyway ive never been femme. I don’t think she’s the one. Love is hard.

    Reading a book called Word Freak all about scrabble which is one of my favourite games, so much so I wanted to be the world champion. I liked most of it but there were bits which read very politically incorrect by my modern SJW reading of it (book from the 90s and a white guy). He really doesn’t get the main black guys experience at all. I’d be interested in reading something by Marlon (the black guy) once I find out his second name. And these ppl are probably aspie or have mental illnesses and he writes about how odd they are because they live outside the norm despite them not harming anyone. I guess it’s annoying cos I don’t/cant do the regular 9-5 life myself and he finds them fascinating like zoo animals rather than it being (oft misplaced) pity. But seriously I’m white and live in UK and even I know that black Americans have good reason to fear cops. Anyway I’m looking forward to how there’s a scrabble night once a month at a local cafe near my new house. And another cafe that sells my favourite sweets. Just no chippy yet and I basically spoil myself to Friday fish and chips. And I am enjoying the book I’m just aware how problematic it is.

    It’s camp nanowrimo. I’m writing a surreal not really story about a lad taking a long coach trip/some weird stops along the way. It’s partly inspired by some dreams I’ve been having. No real plot but all the characters have funny nicknames like ‘Daddy Big Bucks’. Last month was the second time in a row I won nano in close season :). Can someone tell me how to pass bechdel test with a male first person narrator? Also I don’t write predominantly cis het stories these days cos too much support has gone into that lifestyle already ;) (jk)

    Also my team will be champions Sunday unless we draw. Or lose which we don’t. And it will be based on our talent/win rather than my on-offs hometown losing. Which is good cos I like them 2nd in league (and they are talented) really she’s just getting on my nerves. I’m a huge fan so that’s huge for me. And I’m getting into our women’s team too (not like that although we do have some nice looking girls) and they won 4-1 last week in cup :) What will win non sexist football fans round to women’s football is greater media and social media presence. I watch highlights on YouTube.

    I rambled again but that’s cos I’m aspie and always leave long comments/emails.

  37. I’m looking forward to this summer. I’m going to World Pride in Spain! (My first Pride ever, believe it or not!) Then, at the end of the summer I will finally, finally finish my Master’s degree, which means I will actually have free time. Looking forward to using that free time to volunteer at Planned Parenthood and working to resist You-Know-Who (AKA the orange dictator). Happy Trans Day of Visibility!

  38. I really, really want to go back to school.

    Rewind: I graduated in 2012 at 23 with a BA in Teaching English as a Second Language. Around year 4 (out of 5), I began to realize how unhappy the degree and my career direction made me, and I panicked. Instead of reassessing the path I was on, I ducked my chin and stubbornly plowed through–to my great regret. I’ve spent the past five years since graduating working retail, without my driver’s license, with few friends and little hope to cling to. I lapsed off of my antidepressants for over a year. I have been, in short, absolutely miserable.

    But it can take time for ideas to creep up on you, and to reach a point of real self-awareness and understanding. I thought for the longest time that going back to school wasn’t a possibility, because nothing felt like the right fit for me. Nothing clicked. My brain just hadn’t built those connections.

    Until the past several months, when little seashell ideas began to float in on the tide, one by one, and settle slowly into place. I’m exploring options and I’m close to coming up with a concrete plan. I want to go back and re-do my undergrad, this time in journalism & mass communication, and possibly in sociology or women’s studies in addition. I know it will be hard. I know I won’t qualify for the same kind of financial aid options. I’m looking at the local community college first to do an associate’s program, and then to move on from there.

    But I feel for the first time in a long time really, really hopeful. I’m trying to start a blog. I’m trying to write again, and learn photography, and read poetry, and meet people, and connect to and be a part of the world.

    2017 is awful but I want it to be the beginning of my real future.

  39. This week was ROUGH. Like, 4 days in bed because of migraine which culminated in a hospital visit, which is extra fun in the Polish hospital where the doctors only speak a little English and things just work different. Highlight of the hospital included my nurse using surgical instruments to get my piercing out before my MRI while like 4-5 people debated what to do in Polish while one of them was on the phone with a piercing salon. BUT I’ve been thinking about moving back to Canada (like probably before the end of my contract at the end of June) and after a good talk with my family and my cabin group chat, I’m p sure I’m gonna do that? So that’s a thing. And maybe this means I can go to camp?!

  40. I’m basically always late to this because of time zones (well at least that’s a legitimate excuse in this case…but I’m always late in general lol).

    I’m feeling somewhat deflated because yesterday was the last day in my job, and even though I didn’t like my job it was security and now I have no security! Last weekend I had a shibari thing and somehow I ended up having my ex girlfriend how to do a tie on her current girlfriend and I only realised this on my way to give an LGBT anti street harassment workshop afterwards and I was like ahhhh what have I done?! I don’t think I’m living my best life guys.
    One of my best friends is moving to London on Tuesday so I’m sad about that.
    But….yesterday we had a BBQ and then went to party. I being the poser that I am took photos with the fairy lights hehe. But eugh there were too many straight couples in our girl bar. As in, 2 different groups of straight couples. This girl bar is tiny and it kind of irritated me that we literally have only 2 spaces to party that are meant to be ours and the possibility to be in that space was taken away from other queer girls who were queueing outside most of the night.

    Anyway have a photo of me looking pretty femme last night. Girls never seem interested when I go femme so tonight I guess I’m gonna pull it a little bit more to centre :|

    The thing that’s gonna get me through this week is that it’s International Anti-Street Harassment Week, so I need to be on point flooding our instagram with stuff (@levantalavozmadrid if anyone’s interested). We did a chalk walk yesterday as an early event, and tomorrow we’re giving a workshop. After this week I’m not sure what’s gonna get new through!

    Rachel your garden idea sounds lovely.

    Have a great weekend y’all x

  41. Ugh I’m scared now cos someone called TrumpNews just sent me a load of spam and I’m hoping that that’s just cos they rounded my email address up from a third party and not because they’ve got any other information about me to specifically target.

  42. You guys it’s 8 a.m. and I m still morning-after-drunk and also reeling because im in this exquisitely tantalizing flirtationship with a someone who is maybenotasstraightasshealwayssaid but she has a bf? who is also a good friend of mine? but that’s maybe not an issue? but i dunno? and I just really wish i had figured out so many things so much earlier in my life because i feel like im just ready to start livng my best life finally NOW. Anyway I love her and *I*want*to*make*out*with*her*so*much*it’s*almost*physcally*painful* but im too shy to ask if that’s allowed so Im shouting it at all of you instead! Thank you for reading!

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