FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: I’m Never Gonna Stop Sweating

Hey, pals! Are you sitting in a pool of your own sweat because even though it’s September and you willed it to finally, please, for the love of everything, to just be Autumn already, it’s still averaging 90º every day? Me too!

Y’all, is this summer ever gonna end? My new routine has me leaving home three days out of the week at the ungodly hour of 6 am and without fail, I am completely covered in sweat by the time my bus comes. It’s dark at 6 am! And yet somehow, it’s still so, so, so hot. I was starting to think that this would never end and that I needed to completely redo my wardrobe to fit my new, sweaty life in Texas and then I remembered that in 3 short weeks, I’m gonna be on a gay mountain in Wisconsin with a bunch of you weirdos, and I’ll be able to wear a puffy vest! I could cry! I love the fall!!

Other than the fact that the weather refuses to change, everything else in my life seems to be changing. Graduate school! Holy. Shit. You gays did not warn me about this? Three weeks into the game, there’s this constant conflict of my deep desire to nap combined with the fact that I want to take in all the knowledge, read all the books, grab all the opportunities, and do all the networking. So far, though, the napping instinct has won most days. My typical day consists of class, reading, writing, grading (which I will tell you nothing about because I took a training to learn about FERPA which is very Serious business), feeling guilty about not playing with my cats enough, and falling into a stress-sleep. But in the words of our newly presidential-aged queen, Beyoncé, “I’m a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up!”

Tell me about yourselves you adorable bananas. How’re you surviving? Did you start school recently? Is it great? Are the prices of textbooks making you wanna burn the academic industrial complex right to the ground? Did you meet a cool queer person on the street/tinder/your ride share recently? Have you figured out the meaning of life yet? Is your cat also looking at you from atop your dining room table (even though you told him not to get up there) while you lay on the floor and type? Are you caught up on Steven Universe????

Come on over and get in these comments! I’ve missed you!

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Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 330 articles for us.


  1. Congrats on starting grad school :D I hope you meet plenty of other nerds and you all have a ton of fun.

    My week was FANTASTIC. I went to a conference in Manchester with a great community and open bar every night. First night ended with Dim Sum at two in the morning.

    Also totally upped my flirting game at said conference. Made successful prolonged eye contact with a cute Spanish girl and made her blush. yay.

    I’ve been going back to exercising. Ran 10K in 61 minutes yesterday yay ! And picked up yoga again, I feel like I’m on a soft cloud right now, it’s wonderful.

    Tomorrow I’ll be partying with queer friends in Nottingham, pretty excited for that too :). life’s pretty sweet right now.

    Also, I’m getting to teach a lot more this year yay ! I’m gonna do a class on identities in the workplace. Any advice for how a White cis person should talk about race and gender identity to a class in a respectful manner ?

    • I’m glad you had such an awesome week! I don’t have any comprehensive advice about talking about gender identity or race, but one general note is being aware of your eye contact when having these discussions. I’ve been in a number of seminars where the professor’s or instructor’s gaze drifts to the person (or people) who seem to fit the demographic they’re talking about and it is uncomfortable and puts those people on the spot a lot of times.

      Good luck with your class and I hope you have a wonderful time partying in Nottingham!

    • Your week DOES sound amazing!!

      On the race/gender convo as a white cis person front–I’d suggest making sure you’re using the words of people of color and giving them credit for doing the work first. that’s always a great way to act as an anti-racist ally!

  2. Never been to grad school, but the term “stress sleep” still rings so true.

    My week has been…a week. It started really well, with a fun and exhausting weekend and late-night messaging with a cute girl…and then ended with a big favor for an ex. Now I’m feeling kind of weird.

    But I also have great weekend plans (fall ball! party! “date!” sleeping in! accomplishments!) and I’m fairly determined not to let the bizarre events of the past two days detract from all of that.

    Have a fantastic weekend everyone!

  3. Congratulations on starting grad school! I know that conflict between wanting to nap, feeling guilty about napping, wanting to do ALL the work at once, and constantly feeling behind. It sounds like you’re doing it right then ;)

    My week has been just super tough. My PTSD is rearing its ugly head full force lately. It doesn’t help that I taught a political science class this morning and every single student who contributed to discussion were bombastically advocating Trump and his many virtues. I steered discussion away a number of times, but it was a very triggering experience having to listen to people sing the praises of someone who is verifiably terrible.

    Which leads me to a new paragraph full of THANK YOUs to Autostraddle. This is often the only place that feels safe and inclusive to me and I feel really lucky to be able to seek it out on days like today. So again, thank you. I hope everyone has a magnificent weekend.

    • I’m sorry about that polisci class and your PTSD acting up, hope you feel safe and better soon. <3

    • No! I guess I’ve been laboring under the delusion that anyone who knows anything about political science can see Trump for what he is.

      • That’s the thing — I don’t! I teach in a very blue state. But many of the students come from very privileged backgrounds so maybe that has something to do with it? I can’t really rationalize their behavior but thankfully my other classes were very different today.

    • sending you lots of love if you want it! i’m so glad AS is here for you! it is a pretty great community, isn’t it??

  4. Your grad school experience sounds a lot like my grad school experience so far. I’ve been so busy these past few months that I haven’t had time to catch up on Steven Universe!! I feel like I don’t even need to anymore because Tumblr has done such a fantastic job of spoiling it for me, but I’ll probably get to it eventually.

    I was recently hired as an editorial intern at a feminist film journal, so that’s been really fun and exciting!!! This marks my second week on the job and I gotta say that working from home is way better than working in a stuffy office environment.

    • that sounds like an amazing job!! congrats! I hope it keeps getting better and better (and yeah, working from home is the bees knees)

  5. First of all, happy birthday to me tomorrow! I’m going to be having dinner with 8-10 of my best pals. I did that last year, after years of not really doing anything to celebrate, and I’m looking forward to it. This will be the second birthday I celebrate as myself (i.e., my lady-type actual Willow self), and that’s pretty fun to contemplate.

    Last weekend my kid and I went out to Salt Lake City to visit my folks. (I grew up there.) Made a point of driving down Harvey Milk Boulevard, which was fun. Ate a lot of good food. Had a good time.

    The person in my household who has just started school is my kid, who finished high school in May and started at the local community college a couple of weeks ago. I really wasn’t sure how easily they would settle in to the rhythm of a new environment, but it’s turning out really well! Great success! Growing independence! I’m so, so happy with how they’re doing so far.

    Finally, here’s a fun recent discovery about myself — I like skirts! I really like wearing skirts! I honestly wasn’t expecting that, and I put off getting any until just a couple of weeks ago. Why did I wait?!? I get home from work every night and the first thing I do is change into one. (OK, it’s the second thing I do. The first thing I do is to answer “YES” when my kid meets me at the door and asks, “Do you need a piece of hard candy?” Because they know how really pissy I can be on low blood sugar. And then I go upstairs and change into a skirt.) TBH I feel a little silly being so delighted by a piece of clothing, but who am I to question what delights me? So guess what I’m going to wear to my birthday party!?

  6. I had a dream where I went on an ice-skating date with a cute butch and I hope I can make this happen IRL

  7. I’m writing from a farmers market I happened upon during my lunch break in the shade and I’m feeling very content and hopeful. This week was so much better than last week! I’ve been exercising a lot and eating well, I’ve got a shit draft of my personal statement for law school (still a step forward!) and I ordered a dress for my sister’s wedding. Haven’t gotten it in the mail yet, but it seems like it’ll be good and it has pockets!

    In a strange tale of what becomes a triumph when you have bad social anxiety, I told a stranger on the metro this morning that his fly was down. This is a personal triumph for me! I worry a lot that I’m basically a kind person, but I’m too scared of people to connect with them and actually be a good person. Saving someone from walking into work with their fly down is definitely a good deed! (Also, his bemused and embarrassed face was adorable like a puppy)

    I’ve also been reading such good books lately! I’m on an inspirational/law/non-profit kick, and in the past two weeks I’ve read A Fighting Chance (Elizabeth Warren), United (Cory Booker), and I’m starting the Popes book on mercy and Chain of Title, which is about bad banks and good people who try to save their homes from foreclosure. It’s the perfect mix of feeling fired up by bad people and hopeful that there are good people in the world.

    • have you read anne lamott’s essay on shitty first drafts? there’s a lot to be said for just getting something on paper for sure! glad it’s been a better week and high five for the stranger interaction. i’d have prolly just let the poor fella go on his way.

      • I learned how to speed read to get through college and then I got diagnosed and treated for ADD. Now it’s like I have a superpower. I’ve read 240 books since 2014.

        • Your super reading makes me super jealous. I have been terrible at reading this year, which makes me kinda sad and I need to get on it too because I have only read 3 out of the 13 set texts I had wanted to finish before I start with uni work in October!

  8. It IS so hot lately, what the heck. I live on the West Coast but go to a school on the East Coast, and it is sooooo gross and humid here lately. I’m quite ready for fall already.

    I’m really enjoying my last year of school so far (although screenprinting class is so horribly expensive). I have so much work to do for the next week leading up to a convention. Which is entirely Past Me’s fault, for not getting more done and ordering things way ahead of time. I’ll learn for the future, probably…I think.

    And I am caught up on Steven Universe! I just rewatched the newest episode now because it was so so incredible. I think this is definitely my favorite one so far. It kind of feels like a dream that it even exists.

    • there’s something weird going on in the eastern-ish half of the US and i DO NOT LIKE IT. I’m so tired of this heat.

  9. I am so excited that it is finally Friday because I was here two weeks ago STRESSING about my wedding, and it happened last Saturday and I’ve been wanting to share it with you all so badly!

    The wedding was amazing and lovely and actually the happiest day of my life. Our bridesmaids and families were absolute champions and even though it totally rained like, three separate times on the day of the wedding (pro tip: don’t get married outdoors in Oregon in September. Just don’t do it), we managed to push through, and the clouds finally parted during the reception and a big gay rainbow came out to say hello. Magical.

    And now I’ve been married for six days and it is the best! I can’t stop referring to her as “my wife” because it just sounds so great. We have three more weeks until we leave for our honeymoon, but honestly I feel like I’m honeymooning right now because I’m so happy.

  10. Yall this week has been crazyyy. OK Sunday I had my last day in the Us then left for my year abroad in Arentina, and due to booking complications and me missing a flight because of there being TWO STUPID AIRPORTS IN BUENOS AIRES WTF meant getting to where I’m staying very late at night and causing much trouble for my host fam. In a related note, Jesus hell it’s cold here. And it’s not that it’s even really that cold, it’s going from IL weather of 80 everyday to being lucky if we reach 64 :(. That said, everyone is really nice, I’m just tired all the damn time. Also I found out that apparently my dog allergy is worse than my cat allergy bc there are dogs eveywhere. But ik super happy and excited for the year. And fuck dogs those adorable little congestion machines. Also can yall tell me some gay jokes bc I’m suffering of gay homesickness (where you miss all your gay friends in this astonishingly heteronormstive world.). Not to sound ungrateful though I’ve learned so much and people are so kind it’s just all so very hard.

  11. I’ve never been to grad school but my fiancee went to law school for three years so I’ve seen the power it has over people. She stress-slept a lot. Actually I only just learned that she literally skipped class for a week once to watch Adventure Time. The things you learn when you finally move in together after being in a LDR for five years.

    My week has been… ugh. Just ugh. The weekend was stressful because my fiancee’s family is literally incapable of existing in the same space without starting shit with each other, and they suck her into it even though we live an hour away. Then I’ve had various miserable feelings about work (I am the worst; I am bad at my job; my social anxiety is interfering with my ability to do my job) and roller derby (I miss it so much; I hate being injured; what if I never get better and I never get to play again) and then today my tire went flat on the highway and it turned into this whole thing and I spent four hours in a waiting room while they did car surgery.

    This weekend should be fun and hopefully will wipe the taste of this week from my mouth.

  12. I cut off my hair last week, and this week I filled five (!) shopping bags with femme clothing/shoes and literally felt lighter as I took items out of my closet. I need to buy Hair Stuff to put in this short hair to make it look textured and cool, though, can other people with naturally sad and lifeless hair recommend products to me? Preferably ones available in Canadian drugstores.

    It’s humid and gross and my cat doesn’t even have the energy to jump on furniture he’s not allowed on but at least I’m getting the chance to wear tank tops it was too cold to wear while I was away in cold rainy places.

    • Hello, I also have really short hair and live in Canada! I use got2b mind blowing mousses as a pre-styler as it has heat protection for blow drying and it also gives me pretty decent lift. I will switch between the got2b sculpt paste and playful pommade depending on what kind of look I am going for; both don’t leave my hair oily or gross feeling which I like immensely.

      • Okay, I went right out and bought the sculpting one (because all of the pomade jars were oily and gross) and it was miraculously $3 off on a sale that ends today, and it’s kind of working but I think the major problem is that I still have too much hair. Anyway, we’ll see how it works for talking to cute girls and just how badly Hair vs. Bike Helmet goes tonight.

        • I have a pretty long under cut that I usually wear slicked back and I’m not going to lie I have to use a decent amount to get it to stay.

    • Still working on finding the right hair products for my short hair myself – will be lurking here for suggestions. Congrats on the cleanout!

    • ahhhh short hair and femme stuff!!!! are we twins or WHAT? (i also just shaved my head and now i’m obsessed with dresses again)

      • no, because I’m getting rid of it! but you can have the dresses if you want! (you have to pick it up, though, no way I can afford shipping to Texas)

  13. My Week started out pretty shitty as I bent over to pick up a empty water bottle and managed to throw my back out but it definitely has gotten better. I found out today that I get to go to Atlanta for 4 days in November on a work trip, which I am pretty excited for.

  14. Heyy gals and pals! I am also in Texas and I tell you what I get seasonal depression here in Summer instead of winter bc it is so dang hot i don’t ever leave the house if I can help it–I prefer to stay inside with the ac down to 65 and all the lights off–EEK! But never fear, Alaina sounds like you’re surviving your first texas summer pretty well! I think our (the gf and I’s) first summer here was 107 for like 50 days straight so I always feel like these summers have been super mild comparatively but it still sucks!

    Anyway! I am writing to tell you all or share with you all really, that I am finally finally finally coming out of said summer seasonal depression! I have changed my fb profile pic for the first time in *TWO* years and have had a lot of people I completely forgot about come out of the woodwork to say HEY HOTTIE which is surprisingly reassuring and cool. Additionally, I have been invited to this wedding in upstate NY w family members who are not bigots and love bluegrass music and art and npr….THIS IS A BIG DEAL!! I recently was introduced to these lovely people who are not at all a part of the (horrible, hateful and super religious) family I was born into—I couldn’t be more excited. Honestly, y’all my twenties have been BRUTAL after I came out to conservative parents and friends, lost most of them and have been trudging through the darkness with my gal pal for a long time now and to have all of these people reach out to me and call me “hottie” and invite me to their family gatherings is making me feel like our journey to the otherside is finally coming to a close. WAHOO!!!!!!!!!

    I’ve also had some DUMBASS shit go down with a group of people I *thought* were my friends and in order to ease the pain of losing said “friendships” I have been listening to audio books by my favorite comediennes in order to feel less alone in this world and y’all Amy Schumers The Girl W The Lower Back Tattoo was SO SO GOOD. I hardly ever do these Friday Open Threads but because I am feeling super excited about the future I just wanted to share–Yah Yah Rah Rah Boom!

    • “107 for like 50 days straight” i literally had an out loud reaction to that. HOW IS THIS STATE LEGAL? it’s too hot!!

      • It’s the same thing out here in the California desert, though it’s a dry 107 or even 112. And I know people who have homes out there, and more interestingly there is a large community of retired gay men out there, and of course Dinah Shore.

  15. Hey everyone!

    Alaina, all the best and lots of energy and strenght for grad school! Your schedule sounds so full and exiting and exhausting! I´m sweating over here, too, but mostly because I just don´t want to accept that fall hasn´t arrived yet. I´m just wearing clothes appropriate for fall, which in the morning seems fitting, but not at lunch time. Not at all…

    I had an awesome experience at work this week – I coded my very first super teeny tiny thing. I don´t even know if people, who are really able to code, would call it coding. It was an element, that was part of an online questionaire I´m creating. It normally (without using PHP) would not have been possible, but with the help of some instructions out of a text (and a php coding window) I managed to add it. That was such an awesome sense of achievement and I was so proud. :) And it only took me 50 minutes! ;) (I´ve wanted to start to learn how to code for some months now, and that was such a motivational experience…)

    Also I´ve still been thinking (and feeling!) a lot about what my gender is (whether I´m non-binary or maybe ftm), how I could test out possible ways of gender expression and what I can do to make me feel better at this exciting/weird point of my journey. Even though these feelings (f.e. about my chest) are new in this intensity, I´ve now relaxed a bit and journaled a lot and talked with a (gender) therapist this morning, which made me feel sooo good. I felt taken really seriously, and am now able to relax a bit more and accept, that maybe for now I´m just confused and in the middle and without any label. And thats ok. I´m me, and thats enough for now. (A couple of minutes ago I got the message, that my binder has been shipped! :) I´m so thankfull.)

    Apart from that I´ve organized lots of stuff for my move, which is next weekend (luckily with a company that helps me). I´ve already got the new keys, and tomorrow I start packing, and I hope I will be done by Tuesday.

    You are all amazing and I wish every single one of you an awesome weekend!

    • Now I forgot one of the most awesome things I found this week – the web series “Couple-Ish” by Kaitlyn Alexander (on Youtube). It´s not new at all, so many people probably know it already, but I still wanted to mention it because I like it so much! Its written by Kaitly and they also play the (I´d say main) charakter (who is non-binary, like Kaitlyn) and its just good, and sweet and about how relationsships are complicated, I guess. (It´s difficult to sum up the story…)

      • Yes! I knew about this series but it was on my list of stuff to watch before I killed my old computer and lost all my links, now I am going to watch it this month. Thanks for the reminder!

        • Oh – I´m soo glad! Also: It is even better, if you watch it with the english subtitles on… :) (Maybe when you watch it for the second time…You´ll see why. :) )

          In case you´d like another Youtube recommendation: Alayna Fenderr (MissFenderr), who is bisexual herself, has an awesome (fake/satire) news show, titled “I don´t bi it” (maybe you even know it already?), where she (in character) interviews various LGBTQIA+ people… The interviews are really funny, but to me the best parts are the bloopers videos. The bloopers video with Kaitlyn Alexander is basically just the two of them laughing. It´s so contagious and cute… it´s my go to video for a bad day – it just makes me happy (it´s titled “Bloopers!! I don´t bi it Ep. 6”).

          Have so much fun watching “Couple-ish”!

      • Thank you so much! :) Yeah, it´s a lot, thats happening in my life at the moment. Being in the middle of it, I sometimes try to tell myself, that I´m doing pretty good, but most of the time I´m already thinking about the next things to do. Organizing everything for my move (so shortly after my breakup) and finding healthy and helpful ways to act on my gender feels is a bit much at once atm, but it still feels so exciting and I feel so hopeful. The Friday Open Threads of the last couple of weeks are one of the things, that have helped me to feel safe and (pretty) relaxed with regards to my gender exploration. It´s awesome to have a place to talk about these things and feel understood and supported!

  16. While it maybe very hot now, think about how nice winters are. I would think the winters aren’t too far away from how it is here in SoCal, maybe a few degrees colder as it’s inland, but more than likely still outdoors for a drink weather.

    As someone who did go to school for many years, including a State college, I know the pains of book buying. I think one year I spent $180 or so, on one book, only to get $40 back at the end of year(I forgot what I did with it). My last year, I just kept the books, partially to say I read these text books. The other part being maybe my parents could read it too, so far no luck there.

    Speaking of parents, my mother last night found my purple friend in my closet. It wasn’t as embarrassing as I thought it would be, as she said I just found, didn’t tell my father at the time(not sure if that’s changed) and that was it. Yeah, maybe she thinks I used it on a partner over the weekend vs the truth? I don’t know. Anyone else have their parents find their toys? How did it go? Also, my father today said he doesn’t know me, because I don’t want to be gendered. Oh, well.

    How was everyone’s weekend? I had Monday off so I spent the long weekend at a friends place, who happens to be super queer and cool). It was a solid weekend. Going to the bar/club and seeing a friends ex with her new gf, and seeing a friend who kind of ghosted you, but you kind of inebriatedly say something about it, but then I introduced my friend Mary Jane & they said hello. Night also including a lot of pinning & hopeful queers. You know the usually story that happens in the community. On the plus side, I had one(maybe it was two, I was feeling fun) people compliment me on my makeup(well purple lipstick mainly), and that always feel nice. I like the place, but not if I keep running into people I once knew.

    Pic from Saturday’s sunset.

    Also have a selfie I may post if I feel confident enough(kind of conscious of my agab status something I know many trans people have experienced).

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • omg i was like “who is their purple friend OMGGGGGG” but you survived it so go you. moms man…

      also, i love a beautiful sunset!

      • My purple friend is flexible and energetic. But, yeah so far I did, who knows what happens when I say I’m going out hanging with friends.

    • My mother once showed up unannounced (she rarely, hardly visits) and I didn’t know which to hide first, my weed or my vibrator. To this day I think she didn’t notice and/or lets me believe she didn’t notice. I’m OK with this denial. Haha.

      • Either way good move. I think with my parents the vibrator(well vibrating dildo) would be easier to explain than the cannabis.

    • I for one would love to see a selfie ~ with or without the purple lipstick!

      Btw have you ever gone on the Mishe Mokwa trail? You posting about Solstice Canyon last week made me think about all the gorgeous trails where you are.

      • To be honest I am not familiar with that trail. I had to google it up and it looks really nice. It’s near a sand dune, where I once took the wrong way down and an area called Hidden Valley(yes, like the salad dressing, but apparently there a few places called Hidden Valley all over America). lol

    • My dad did worse than find a toy. He found me in flagrante delicto solo mostly undressed and not at all under the covers.
      But lucky I was…maybe 11 and still tribbed pillows. He was too bewildered and exhausted from yard work to ask questions, possibly didn’t realise masturbation is a thing 11 year old AFAB people do. I think he was going to give me a time frame for dinner or ask me to help prep before taking a shower.
      How it went was he learned to knock and I kept a sheet over me at minimum. >_<

      Um but my mom rescued a small vibe attached to a flexible purple cockring from my dog's mouth when I was 19 and well she knows "women" masturbate was somehow able to figure it was a sex toy despite it not being a phallic shape.
      She was too busying giving me the side-eye, muttering,"I think this is yours.", and trying to discreetly, quickly hand it to me before my dad could enter the room and ask what the dog was running off with to ask me anything or give an actual reprimand.
      How that went was like all sex things go with my mother, tense/terse DADT and make sure dad knows nothing.
      The few people I've told that story ask me why she didn't ask me about the cockring bit and don't understand she might not know what that is. Then are like how did she know it was sex toy at all and long story short I now call that toy the Ring Pop

  17. i have been putting off getting my hair cut for like a month because i didn’t want to figure out where to go, but it was driving me crazy and looked pretty awful, so i gave in and just made an appointment with the same person who cut my hair last time. i explained to him what i didn’t like about the previous haircut, and it looks pretty good this time! plus i managed to get an appointment made for literally the next day after i called and it’s hard to complain about that. (what i CAN complain about is that none of my roommates have noticed / commented. c’mon, guys! it looks so much better now!)

    i also had an appointment with a new therapist this week, and i’ve been meaning to do that for months, so that’s good. hard to say yet whether she’ll be a good fit or not, but at least i finally took that first step.

    later today there’s a beginning-of-the-season party for the queer softball league i joined to meet the people on your team and get t-shirts, so i guess i’m going to put my extrovert face on and go to that. and then tomorrow are our first two games! i haven’t played seriously on a team since i was a teenager and i always really liked it, so i’m looking forward to that. and sunday i’m either going hiking with a friend and some of her friends or going to an autostraddle pokemon meet-up. or napping forever. right now napping forever strong contender.

    hope everyone has a great weekend!

    • so apparently one of my roommates did notice my haircut but had refrained from commenting because she doesn’t like it / thinks it looks too boyish. it’s definitely not a perfect haircut, but that was kinda discouraging. OH WELL.

        • i don’t love it but i do like it. i will probably try someone new for real next time though (rather than letting my hair grow to a shaggy mess out of indecision and then just defaulting back to the same person because it felt easier than figuring out what to do instead).

          • good luck with a new person! i’m glad you like it. i bet it looks fabulous and just the right amount of boyish or not boyish. :-D

    • hope you have a great weekend too! and yay new haircut! i love new hair, it makes me feel like a new person!

  18. It’s weird being in the same time zone as y’all, usually it’s late evening when I’m commenting on this and watching you guys go through your days.
    Anyways, I’ve just arrived in Philadelphia and only realized I’m wearing my Rocky shirt after I got onto the train..
    Wow, talk about embarrassing.
    Also, my friend from college dragged me and my gay boy toy to this basement bar in the village last night, and it had these Christmas lights strung up in rainbow colors, a super low ceiling and a piano, and it was super crowded with gay folks from all walks of life and everyone was singing show tunes all.night.
    Needless to say I got so ridiculously drunk, I struggled with the lyrics to Defying Gravity, and that’s saying something, let me tell ya.
    It was absolutely wonderful, though.
    Berlin’s gay scene is so sex and looks driven and so overdrugged and everyone’s so fucked up in every possible way(Last week, when I went to a bar, where they were watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race, the girls were doing coke in the single stall restroom, for watching TV?Come on..).
    I’m so tired of all of that, and honestly too nerdy and too old, but I’ve missed my “Community” so much, I didn’t even realize how much I needed to shout/discuss the finer plot points of “The Winter Soldier” with a middle aged graphic designer from Brooklyn over an entire room full of burly men bellowing “One More Day”.
    I’m so hung over, though, I feel like I went a couple too many rounds in the ring.
    Have a good day and weekend everyone!

    • I feel like you have to really go to a smaller or less mainstream party to get away from the look driven scene. Now on the other hand that’s a weird drug to take to watch RuPaul. As for hangover, coconut water does wonders. I rarely get hangovers(high tolerance), but it has really worked well for me in the morning.

  19. Congratulations on graduate school! This sounds like a most rewarding, exhausting, emotional, fun experience.

    I’m so ready for the weather to break and we keep getting teasers of autumn weather, which I try to soak up every bit of. However, my pepper plants are still producing and I would like them to produce for as long as possible.

    This past week has been full of introspection and self -reflection. I’ve been writing a lot about my past while still trying to be present and mindful of what I’m feeling currently. I met a new queer friend for lunch this week and that was super fun and made me feel hopeful for the idea of finding new, queer friends as an almost 30-something. Also, my foster kitten was officially adopted this week which is so great but now I’m having Severe Kitten Withdrawal [SKW], which is a very likely a real medical condition.

    And, because I believe we should often do things as adults that would have thrilled our younger selves (while also thrilling our present selves), I’m going to see an exhibition of costumes from Downton Abbey this weekend. I realize Downton wasn’t a thing when I was a child, but I’ve always been mad about period dressing + Maggie Smith.

    Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend and doesn’t sweat too much!

    • severe kitten withdrawal is DEFINITELY a real syndrome i’m so sad for you but also that lil baby has a forever home, so it’s a good thing!

  20. I really need to book rooms for Grace Hopper, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long, but I’ve been trapped in the procrastination/anxiety doom loop for it, and admittedly very distracted with a lot of other stressful things (my family member’s cancer, my job search which I’ve also been slacking on, and so on).

  21. Just wanted to say I’m excited to go see “The girl who was raised by Wolverine” by Deneh’Cho Thompson at Vancouver Fringe Festival.

    Ohhh ~ time is fleet footed, more later…

  22. Waking up to the super long A+ podcast definitely has made my day better! AS advice even if it’s irrelevant to my life rn still makes me feel better for some reason.
    I am stressing about school starting back up in a few weeks. Being in a really bad creative rut/funk, where I feel like everything I’ve ever written/ thought of writing is awful, is making me scared that I won’t be able to handle my classes. But then again, usually classes actually push me to do things and its just fine. I’m probably just doubting myself too much. I’m probably just stressing so much cause I know I need to start working on grad school application stuff and that is scary! How do I have confidence to apply to a program that accepts 6 people a year and is basically the only program of its kind??? Like how do I feel like I’m good enough!!? Sorry for the angst…
    I think I’m going to make some pumpkin bread and try to calm down

    • isn’t the a+ podcast so good????

      also, here’s a mantra for applying to grad school: i am already more than good enough. i will continue to be regardless of what happens.

        • I crafted this into a little sign that I can look at every day and remember! I think this will help a lot, thank you! (hopefully the pic below works, fingers crossed)

    • I just wanted to send you a little bit of hope and confidence against the angst! And wish you good luck for the start of your classes. For me the worries often fade a bit, once I´ve started doing the thing I was afraid of… but of course that doesn´t help beforehand… ;)

  23. This week has been…not great. I got rear-ended on Tuesday morning. I was okay, car was okay, but it freaked me the hell out. Later that night, at derby practice, I fell really hard and, due to a combination of low blood sugar and a full-fledged panic attack, had to sit out the last half of practice. It would have been okay except it’s home team draft time, I’m in the draft pool, and I have massive derby crushes on at least 3 of the skaters on this particular home team, all of whom got to see me weeping on the bench like a big ol’ baby. :(

    Some positives: a maintenance man at work today gave me a big smile and told me he loved my (mermaid green) hair. It’s cooling off in Wisconsin and I can sleep with the windows open. I ran into one of my best friends today and we had a spontaneous lunch together.

    • weeping doesn’t make you a baby!! it just means you got emotions and feelings and all that’s real, friend…even if it is kinda embarrassing! plus you get windows open sleep! I am so not jealous at all! (jk totally jelly)

  24. I am exhausted. My fiancee and I have been slowly moving our stuff into our townhome. Today we are moving the big stuff. It is Dusty. I am sneezing. I found pennies!

    School is amusing me. Business classes are fun. Most of the time is spent actually talking about various business topic concerning ethics. I really like it. It is engaging. Guys keep talking to me to. I am not the best looking girl either so it is making other girls mad. Like chill. You can the buff ginger lumber jack dude and the skinny tall guy with good hair. Just give me a friend or study buddy that understands boundaries.

    I can’t stop sneezing.

    • moving is SO dusty! i JUST was able to purchase a vacuum from amazon and i’m feeling like a brand new dust free (especially since most of the dust isnt’…mine (but i don’t wanna think about that) person!

  25. Hello straddlers!

    This week I found my tablet, which was awesome because a)it has all my podcasts and audiobook and comics on it and b) that’s where I put my a+ member sticker! It was in the not very obvious spot in my laptop bag (which I almost never use).

    I ordered my mum a father’s day present so that should be ready in a couple of weeks. Workwise i’m doing okay, and am very grateful my boss is lovely enough to sit and talk through what needs adjusting in my work.

    Oh, and I was all set to finish up an essay, reference and submit it, to find out that we have an extra week. Thanks, Uni gods! I’m also grateful I started really early because it’s almost done. Previous student me from 2014 would have started from the day before and had massive anxiety and panic about it. So i’m a bit proud I’m approaching it differently this time around.

    So now I’m off to a con with my brother, who has gotten into comics via the Archie reboot he found in my stack of stuff from a while ago. Pretty excited ;)

    Have a lovely weekend, and here’s hoping it cools right down for you x

  26. So I’ve dealt with one major stressor (I accepted the job in QC and managed to negotiate for increased pay and minimum hours like an Actual Adult – thanks, Nina, for helping me through that), but now I’m being smacked in the face with another and could use your help again.

    Does anyone here have any advice on fighting for a medical diagnosis? Especially one that has to do with ~~~lady problems~~~? I’ll spare you the gory details, but basically I’ve been dealing with an on-and-off hormone/bleeding issue that is currently, well, on again. In the past, I’ve gotten everything from head-scratching to “it’s all in your head” to Band-Aid solutions that inevitably fail, but not even a hint of what could be causing it. And I simply can’t go through another round of that. So how can I make my voice and my experience heard with doctors who are intent on just throwing drugs at me until I go away, or blaming it on my depression?

    (Thanks for letting me vent here – I know you aren’t my therapists. I just need as many perspectives and as much advice as possible.)

    • Have you tried a specific women’s health centre?
      They are often more alert to the vagaries of our “deep pelvic mysteries” and far more willing to listen than some solo practitioners.

      • I’ve been to 3 different specialists in 2 different women’s health centres so far. First gave me a Band-Aid solution, second told me it was all in my head (exact words: “Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe I should get you a referral to see a psychiatrist.” FUCK him.), and the third wasn’t a ton of help. I’m getting re-referred to see #3 anyways, so fingers crossed…

    • if you’re in the US, Planned Parenthood is always a good place for that. They’re super good listeners! Hope you get it figured out, I know bodies can be so weird and annoying sometimes

      • Thanks! I’m Canadian, and at least in my area they don’t do much more than counselling. Don’t know how much they’ll even be able to help in terms of getting me through the medical system, but it’s worth a shot.

  27. Hi, Alaina! I’m sorry the heat is bugging you. At least it’s September! If it’s any consolation, it’s 90+ and humid here as well. I also probably couldn’t have warned you about graduate school, since I never did that (Ha ha, I never liked school and was so thankful to be done with it after college :p). I do remember my books being super-expensive when I was in college, especially Accounting textbooks. Anyway, I hope it goes well for you, though!

  28. It’s still averaging 90º in Autumn b/c once you get to certain geographic locations in the South the Cardinal seasons cease to exist. What exists in their place depends on who you ask but many will say “Pre-Season, Regular Season, Post-Season, Off-Season.” and some “Baseball season, football season, basketball season.” but if you’re Gulf Coast “hurricane season, not hurricane season” is also a likely answer. :P

    Ugh I’m behind on my coursework as my hands weren’t 100% functional(MYSTERY ILLNESS 0/10 don recommen) and it’s bugging the shit outta me cause it’s not like I don’t understand or have the faculties to do the work. Just my time got sucked up by something beyond my control and I’m playing catch up while trying to produce worthy work.
    Ugh just ugh.

    Oh an I finally saw an allergist and they want me to carry an epipen, I haven’t had an existential about it yet but I might not. Crisis-y things I seem to just handle like it’s laundry while I can’t actually handle laundry and have collapsed trying to manage laundry.

    Um the Dykadence party I went to was great and I was actually able to dance a bit. Enough to get sweaty and walk around without my shirt which brings me to last Lesbosexy Sunday and what that confident as hell/ gunna get laid outfit is. It’s not an outfit it’s a specific undergarment and pair of shoes.
    Give me my favourite black sports bra, tac boots and I’m like Beyonce in her freakum dress yass.
    There doesn’t even have to a shirt in the equation but some pants, preferably black or jeans.

    But being Superfluid human I do in fact have a legit freakum dress which of course is black.
    Oh and btw Right Lain inspired by your Haus Boi I call my variation of NB/genderfluid/genderqueer Andro Femme with a bit more confidence.

    • YES YES YESSSSSSSS ANDRO FEMME I’M INTO IT! and also freakum dresses!!!!

      ALSO! Mystery hand illness! is it maybe carpel tunnel! i couldn’t move my hands for THREE DAYS after moving because they were in so much pain and i’m currently trying to find a cute brace to wear so that they stop spasming when i’m taking notes! ughhhhh bodies are so weird

      • I’ve only got like 5 outfits that I feel effectively display my andro femme aesthetic, but anytime I have spending money I am on the look out for pieces to expand the look. And I am trying to incorporate a hairstyle I call the Frida into it. So yessssss.

        Oh I feel like this an opportunity to voice my opinion a freakum dress can totes have a swooshy aka spinny skirt or flouncy skirt. The wearer just needs a certain length of thigh and amount of butt to make it more “get yore freak on” than simply cute.

        No it’s not def not carpal tunnel. That would be so much easier to deal with but I’m not likely to ever get it because my regular exercise program is a couple fancy stretches away from the preventive care for carpal tunnel which is bit of silver lining.
        Considering what ever this is/was it’s something that affected all my joints, came with a rash and hives. I got blood taken twice this week for extensive testing, one of them I had to go to a special lab location cause the doctor’s office didn’t have the equipment to do one the tests.

        I’m collecting interesting testing it seems.
        Already have from childhood an EEG, MRIs, an echocardiogram, an EKG and a sleep study.

  29. Darlings, Dears, it seems like a longshot as there are already 100 comments here but I gotta plead with anyone: if you got a mad vibes or bad luck dispersal method….I hard core need it.

    After moving I’ve had apartment damage, said workers coming in without warning, insurance trouble, car trouble (whole AC! Holy shit!), had to send more “hey, you didn’t die in that coup/mass shooting” messages, and a sob-at-my-boss moment out of exhaustion. This week I got a hairbrush stuck in my hair so hard I had to cut it out, my travel partner for a trip on the 18th broke her foot so I’m scrambling to reschedule plane tickets ($$) and try to reschedule hotels (for the ones that I, apparently, got a super special rate back in May and technically they don’t wanna even with medical papers). I gotta finish that over the next two days as I travel for work. Yay.

    Just a moment ago i found out my author copy of the first physical anthology I’m in, that I left at mum’s for safe keeping? Covered in paint. As is all my favorite books I came to collect.

    And then a old circa 2000 laptop fell on my head.

    I’ve already tried a candle and it ended up with a flame bigger than a tiki torch and i had to douse it with a cup of water.

    Seriously, you tell me to cover myself in mud, take a selfie, and then spin in circles among the trees (recorded): I might very well do it.

    PS: Yes, sounds like gradschool to me. I know you want to to do all the things but 100000% take care of yourself. It’s very easy to get burned out.

    • Hah that sounds like my life, I’ve got nothin for ya other than attempts at hexes and curse on me supposedly “bounce” off like there’s enough negative polarity already present trying to send me negative stuff repels it the way homo-pole magnets do.


      (not kidding my face/head has always been a foul ball bullseye, I’ve been on fire twice, and electrocuted at least once, broken bones doing acts of kindness)

    • Holy crap @lex thats intense! All my stuff has been small potatoes, really, but it just builds and builds. If I learn anything I’ll send it your way, too!

      Something else–a week ago someone stole my card! …. today I received my mom’s replacement but not my own (she’s on there in case of emergency while traveling) thus its extra useful while I’m… traveling.

      @alarae Slowly but surely…which is kind of gradschool, too. If you need tricks and tips feel free to message me. I spent far too long in grad school!

      • I want say “No that’s not intense at all” because I don’t have any burn scars and have maybe gotten one concussion.
        But electrocution is serious shit, knock on wood, throw salt over ya shoulder that never happens to you. If does tho please get medically checked out, same with head injuries and car accidents.
        You don’t want to “suddenly” die of something treatable/preventable, that is just not a way to go out dude. It’s just not.

        Oh dude if I had good luck all the time I think I’d have a freak out or be stressed all of the time my luck would turn and die of something stress related too young.

  30. I literally googled “why is it so hot.” I still don’t understand.

    I’ve had a weird, rather dreary week. I have been officially moved in to my new apartment in a new state (this was news for last friday thread tbh)! But I still don’t have a job (an interview Monday!) and I don’t know people around here, so it’s been lonely and felt mostly wasted. However, I did just buy my first ever matching suit, and I’ve watched a whole season (the fourth) of great british bake off. So even as dreary as this week as a whole has been, this Friday has been pretty okay. I have good hopes for next week to be better.

    It’s weird that I moved to a college town right at the beginning of the school year, but am not going to school at all. I rather miss the library, and since I don’t really have the required stuff to prove I’m a resident of this state yet (it’s been rather confusing), I can’t even go to the public library either. Now that it’s fall (in my mind, if not thermometer), I should actually consider looking into going back to school (next year???) for my masters in library science. But yikes!! that seems like a lot of work.

    • more queer librarians!! we NEED THEM! also, with googling skills like that, you’re well on your way (i didn’t even think to ask google about this heat! i bet she would’ve told me something cool.)

  31. Yay for grad school, and happy Friday! We’ll see if I’ll be starting grad school myself next year (or if I try to rustle up a job with either NASA or the ESA; kind of hoping for the ESA if I go that route, honestly). Right now, I have my last year of undergrad to deal with (and I need a job to help fix my financial situation… and research experience if I want any chance of getting into grad school…).

    My textbooks this semester weren’t bad, but I found some copies of the international editions (same book, just printed on less quality paper). Since I’ll be using two of those textbooks next semester buying them really saved me some money. That said, textbooks are insanely overpriced. They’re the racket the mafia WISHES they had come up with.

    Still coping with my grandmother’s death as well, but I have an appointment with Counseling and Physchological Services this Wednesday. Hopefully that will help.

    So, yeah, that’s my life. Back to studying and email barraging professors to see if any need an undergrad on their team.

    • sending you love if you’re into it!

      also, i really wanna write a play about the mafia where their racketeering scheme IS textbook prices…hmmmmmMMMM

  32. I don’t even know what season Portland is having now. It started to cool down and now high 70s and low 80s weather is back

  33. …much much later…


    Did you get the ship’s wheel????

    I meant to share last week that my wife found a port hole on our last trip that I had to bring back in my hand luggage (because weight – they don’t weigh hand luggage). She is astonishingly talented at finding incredibly heavy things to bring back. Here it is on our porch:

    Have a glorious weekend everyone!

  34. Ah, the grading. I know all about the grading. I’m sorry, Alaina. :D

    I hope everyone enjoys Wisconsin. It’s a pretty state. It’s cooling off in the PNW at least. More fun to hike in cool weather with layers!

  35. OK does anyone else here wanna talk about how fun home is closing on broadway this weekend bc it has me Fucked Up

  36. It’s even that hot here in Poland right now! What is the world up to? I’ve been appreciating living alone for the first time because truly it’s too hot for pants right now.

    I’m starting school tomorrow! It’s my first time teaching (I’m teaching English, my youngest group is 5 all the way up to business English in companies) and I’m excited and hella nervous. All the courses and training that lead up to this do not feel adequate. Also, I’m not 100% sure how to interact with tiny humans, so that should be an experience. But I think it will be great! This is what I’m telling myself, as I am baking in my apartment while lesson planning.

  37. Folks I fell into Paris/Rory femslash and can’t get out… Don’t send help. I’m fine… I’m fine. I blame Netflix uk for adding Gilmore Girls… How did I miss this the first time round? How?

    I’m two days late to FOT because of it, but I’m fine.
    I’m about to start what could possibly be the hardest work year I’ve ever had and all I can think about is how much of a total outrage it will be when in the Gilmore Girls reunion they don’t put them together…

    Ok maybe send help.

    Hope your weekends have been super/are going awesome.

    P.S. I long for chillier days ahead, without my many layers of wool and flannel who am I?

    • My friend… Welcome to rory/Paris. Where there are long lingering stares and the boyfriends don’t matter. I’ve missed many a responsibility while spreading my day posting on Tumblr about just how much Paris and rory love each other and how frustrating it is. I hadn’t realized it at first either. It’s one of those cases (like quinn in glee) where I read a closeted queer lady in reflection once I realized I was a closeted queer lady. Can’t wait till the new episodes when they thrill us with new adventures in their heterosexual lives and they aren’t together :(((
      Anyway! Just wanted to say I relate!

      • Thanks for relating! I think my lack of subtext aknowledgent was because I caught it at breakfast time on channel 4 and I hadn’t been fully caffeinated. We got it around 8 years late here in England…or at least that’s when I saw it. I think I’ve read all of the fic there is…my hope is even though the miniseries will be a disappointment in the Paris/Rory regard maybe it’ll spur on some more fic :)

        • Personally I don’t see Rory, but if Paris hasn’t at least had a girlfriend I am going to riot in the streets.

  38. This is kinda unrelated but I have to share – maybe some of you lovely art history-minded people will have views on this.

    There’s a famous picture hanging in the Bristol museum, and I was always told it depicted a wicked siren luring an innocent young man to his untimely death.

    But today I actually read the description and it’s a mermaid petitioning a fisherman to stop killing and eating her family.

    I mean… I guess this question is rhetorical but this is surely another example of women being depicted as evil/unreasonable when they ask for male violence to stop?

    I feel like this piece also has colonial themes in terms of white guys rocking up, taking what they want, and leaving when it suits them with no regards to the consequences. Also in terms of indigenous women being read as ‘temptresses’ when actually they never asked to have to engage with white men in the first place.

    Maybe this is a comment/topic for Rebel Girls, I dunno. I just have a lot of feelings/semi-educated feminist opinions.

    • It’s okay sometimes we get these moments of epiphany or look through some “known” thing with new eyes or a different lens then our initial, original exposure of it and there’s like no one in our life to share what bubbles up or timely occasion to discuss the topic.

      Like last night I got fucked up over the fact Apollo not being able to take sexual possession of Daphne’s body settles for wearing pieces of her and making her his sacred plant.
      Just nope no fuck you Apollo chasing down a woman do very much did not want you, cried out in prayer to be spared of your attentions and now you wear pieces of her because she handily was changed into something you could still take from.
      But I had another to share and commiserate with my angry feels, the fact Greek mythology gets more fucked up the older you are and know of the world, and that Apollo is as bad as his dad fuck them both.

      It felt good.


      If the painting you’re talking about is The Fisherman and the Syren it’s based off the Goethe poem Der Fischer, she’s not exactly petitioning him. In the poem she’s basically going y’know what it’s so much better to be aquatic than terrestrial, COME AND SEE.
      She’s decided to kill him using the only weapons she has, luring him like her lured her children to death in an unsurvivable environment.
      She came with the intent of revenge, she came with knives.

      Line by line translation of the poem

      From my fine arts perspective the painting is another example of “let’s make a hot chick and let’s make her naked” but definitely the instigator of destruction being portrayed as the innocent, the “true” victim. While retaliator, the defender is portrayed as the wicked one.

      The fisherman is posed like a Christ figure with reddish robes of martyrdom and the mermaid is reminiscent of a particular representation of the serpent in the Garden of Eden found in some renaissance medieval art where it is depicted with the upper body or fair face of a woman. Reason given for that is women are temptation in the flesh, but some modern people want the serpent to very much be Lilith.
      I’d totally ship Lilith and Eve but that was not the original intent of the part woman serpent.

      But yes for sure it is an example of a woman being depicted as evil/unreasonable for going against male violence, for defending their home.
      Judith is a hero why not this mermaid? The both seduced and killed to protect their people.

      If you want to apply resistance to colonisers it’s like guerilla warfare, fighting with what you have will no concern how dirty or honourless it seems to the powers that are destroying your land and people. We didn’t get to where we are as species by punching mammoths in the face or waiting till the cool part of the day to chase animals who didn’t have super useful adaption of sweating.
      We tricked mammoths into falling into pits or off cliffs and figured out how to make sharp objects & projectiles.

      I think of the mermaid as aware of what he’ll read her as and killing him with it. Turning her from prey to predator which always makes men nervous or afraid and want to defer their guilt and weakness into condemnation of the person using their weakness against them. Making it all a woman’s fault he was even tempted to do evil.

      ….I swear I was just going to note the serpent bit and the martyrdom bit but this is what happened and I ‘m still gunna post it all.

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