Faking It Episode 212 Recap: Lesbian Nesting In Your Coop Every Night

Welcome to the twelfth recap of the second season of Faking It, a 17-minute infomercial for Thighmasters from the same network that brought you Big Tips Texas.


We open in Karma’s backyard, where her mother is making artisinal soaps, probably planning a re-boot of Piper Chapman and Holly McSleepingwithLarryonpurpose’s successful Brooklyn-based artisanal soap business.

Mom, you have to read this!

Mom, you have to read this! It’s such a good breakdown of how Fox News brainwashes people!

Karma thinks Mom needs to put away the tonics and potions and hot wax and focus on a “real job,”  which’ll begin with crafting a “real resume,” and will ideally end with them moving back into their house where Karma will no longer be awoken by her parents having hot lean-to sex. Mrs. Karma reminds her plucky young offspring that her first job will always be “mother.”

Do you have any idea how enormous your breasts get during pregnancy, Karma?

I mean, until you’ve actually held a prize-winning zucchini in your hands and felt its entire weight against your breasts, you cannot understand the deep joy I felt in my bed last night

Unfortunately, Mrs. Karma’s resume reads more like Brook Soso’s: aura cleanser, mushroom forager, unlicensed massage therapist. Karma is losing hope, but I’m just delighted every time Karma’s Mom has a scene. I love her.


Over in Amy’s impeccably clean fortress of sapphistry, Amy and Reagan are snuggling while Reagan gushes about how much she loves Amy and wishes she could carry her around in her pocket all day. Just like chapstick! That’s what “chapstick lesbian” means now, it’s official. Reagan is clingy like saran wrap, it turns out. For example, they’re down a cater-waiter tonight at her job, maybe Amy could substitute —

I mean I've never paired self-fisting with partner-fisting before but I don't see why we can't give it a try?

I mean I’ve never paired self-fisting with partner-fisting before but I don’t see why we can’t give it a try?

Hark! It’s Karma! KARMA NEEDS A JOB! REAGAN HAS A JOB! PROBLEM SOLVED.

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Welp.

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Great.

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Look I’m pretending to be on the phone but it’s just my fingers! LOL!


Some time or perhaps no time at all later, Shane’s lamenting his inability to schedule quality time with Amy now that she’s Lesbian Nesting with Reagan.

Amy: Nesting? We’re not pigeons!
Shane: She’s been staying in your coop every night this week!
Amy: That’s exactly why I need to stay in tonight, I need a little “Me Time.”

Then I did the chest press thingie and now I'm so sore! Is that normal?

What do you think of my new signature dance move? I learned it on “The Grind”!

Shane suggests Amy tells Reagan she feels suffocated. Amy suggests that Shane tell Duke he outed them. Shane wonders if that angry music is playing in his head. Shane and Amy determine that it’s definitely coming from Lauren’s room… or should I say Lauren’s LAIR? ‘Cause Lauren’s gone A on us, although her hoodie is a little washed out.

IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE I'M JUST WORKING ON A TRUE CRIME NOVEL ABOUT YOUR FRIEND'S MURDER

IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE I’M JUST WORKING ON A TRUE CRIME NOVEL ABOUT YOUR FRIEND’S MURDER


Later that fine evening, Reagan and Karma are in their best drag king duds preparing to cater-waiter the hell out of this event. Hey, they had to hang out alone eventually, right? This’ll be a very interesting night!

Are you just gonna stand there like that or are you gonna slap the ass you've been staring at all night?

If you spend one more minute staring at my ass I’m officially adding you to the LGBT Characters In  Situation Comedies list on Wikipedia

Karma’s disappointed to learn that her job will be “sweeper,” which doesn’t actually mean clearing the ball if it happens to get past the defensive lines, it means picking up the sordid remains of shrimp cocktail with her bare hands.

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Have you heard about how if you tie the Starburst wrapper into a knot while it’s in your mouth then it means you’re a good kisser


As you may have predicted, this event is a Squerkle event, which means there’ll be free Yogurtland, on-site hairstylists, a yoga studio and sensual massages with happy endings for everybody after the show. Liam’s lurking in the wings, lamenting his obligation to exist on a stage wearing Skkurkul cyborg glasses that make him look a lot more like Mr. Peanut and a lot less like Brutus the Buckeye.

I mean for starters, I'd expect X-ray goggles would enable me to see through everybody else's clothes, right?

What kind of bogus X-Ray goggles are these? I can’t even tell what color underwear I’ve got on!

But really, he’s mostly stressed out about seeing a shirtless male human in Karma’s room last night! Does Zita think Karma and Shirtless Guy are banging?

Intern Baked Zita: He could be a homeless guy that Karma’s helping clean up for his first job interview?
Liam: You think so?
Intern Zita: No, they’re doing it! Liam, if you want her back, just tell her.
Liam: No, she’ll just say no, she hasn’t forgiven me yet.

I’m ready for a spinoff called Lesbian Pigeon Nesters, starting Intern Zita and Lauren as power lesbians. Then Liam accidentally opens the web browser on his glasses and starts reading Autostraddle’s NSFW Sunday archives just as Karma passes by his general area, and immediately freezes —

I think my asshole just rejected that Preparation-H capsule

I think my asshole just rejected that Preparation-H capsule

Reagan’s barely done relishing in Karma’s awkwardness when she spots HER ex. Hey-o!

Anybody got a junior mint?

Oh shit, it’s Dawn Denbo and her Lover Cindy!


Back at Chez Fawcett, Shane and Amy are doing a little walk-through of Lauren’s devotional to Theo.

Amy: This is the work of someone seriously unhinged.
Shane: I always said she could use a good dose of electroshock… she’s standing right behind us, isn’t she?

(She is.)

I mean honestly I don't see how it could be anybody besides Noel Kahn

I mean honestly I don’t see how it could be anybody besides Noel Kahn

Lauren suggests they see themselves out, but Shane wants to talk about how Lauren’s revenge fantasies are very impractical. Arsenic takes FOREVER to work, maybe they should try something from Breaking Bad or think about sexually suggestive installation art or dressing him in S&M gear and tying him to a chair in the garage?

Shane: If you wanna get back at Theo, why don’t you just go to his new school and out him as a narc?
Lauren: Outing people? That’s your solution to everything isn’t it? It’s too simple and totally obvious.
Amy: And let’s not forget dangerous! He might get the crap beat out of him by a mob of angry students!
Lauren: Good point, it’s perfect.

These two are experts at pulling the sociopath out of each other.

There's no way it could be Caleb!

Even if it IS Charlotte, there are still so many holes in the narrative!

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You’ve obviously been spending too much time on tumblr.

According to Lauren’s intel, Theo’s been shooting some b-ball outside the school known as Baldwin High, where he’ll certainly be making an appearance at tonight’s pep rally. Just for the record, no school would let an out-of-district non-student over the age of 19 onto their basketball team. If they win, all their games could be stricken from the record!

Amy thinks this is a bad idea but Shane thinks it sounds super-fun! This is very next-level for Amy, who probably was anticipating a long night of making friendship bracelets and eating Pop Rocks while marathoning old episodes of Hannah Montana.


Back at the OurChart launch party, Reagan’s chatting up her ex with some bitter herbs when her new boyfriend shows up and Charlotte introduces Reagan as “an old friend.” Oh girl. Do not introduce your lesbian ex to your new boyfriend as an old friend, you wicked, wicked lady. You are basically begging for her to blow her nose into your martini glass!

Oh my gosh I'm SO glad you're here! I've been waiting for months for somebody to talk to about The Fosters

Oh my gosh I’m SO glad you’re here! I’ve been waiting for months to talk to somebody about Lena cheating on Stef!

Meanwhile, Karma and Liam finally run right into each other’s clean & clear faces and quickly lie to each other about why Karma’s cater-waitering (“I love it! A new party every night!”) and why Liam’s at a Storkle event to begin with! (“It’s a very long and very boring story.”) You know I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that “being more comfortable lying to your partner than telling them the truth” is a pretty good sign that you shouldn’t be together. BUT WHATEVER.

What is that bitch doing with my tiny eclair

What is that bitch doing with my tiny eclair

Liam says he met Karma’s “new friend” last night in her room, but Karma’s like, oh he’s just a friend. JUST LIKE THE SONG. Meanwhile, Liam is also her friend who she occasionally has sex with.

Liam: “I get it. I just didn’t realize that you had other friends?”
Karma: “I do, and you should too.”
Liam: “I should?”
Karma: “Yeah, ’cause you’re just a friendly guy.”

He introduces Zita to Karma as a “new friend” and then announces they’ll be visiting the restroom together, which’s quite a blow to dear Karma. Just then, Reagan shows up, livid after her interaction with Charlotte.

You have to take this tray. It has a dead squirrel on it.

I wrote you a love poem and then put a bunch of melted cheese on it and now I want you to have it. Please take it.

Reagan: “We dated for two years and she’s gonna introduce me as her FRIEND?”
Karma: “Well, Liam just went with his new FRIEND to the bathroom to have sex.”
Reagan: “We can’t let them treat us like this! We have to make them pay.”

Karma doesn’t want blood on her hands, which’s why she never has period sex with Amy and also why Reagan and Karma conclude the best course of action would be to get revenge on each other’s exes! At last they’ve found common ground: theatrics.

No way, nobody should have to put up with straight commenters telling them how to feel about queer representation, that's just not right.

No way, nobody should have to put up with straight commenters telling them how to feel about queer representation, that’s just not right.


Cut to Karma encouraging Charlotte to enjoy an allegedly vegan item with a toothpick in it.

For the 85th time, I DON'T EAT SHELLFISH!

For the 85th time, I’M ALLERGIC TO TOOTHPICKS!

But before this interaction can turn into a conversation about bullshit shredded beet burgers,  Zita rolls up with some real talk:

Zita: Karma, I’m not sleeping with Liam.
Karma: I could care less. [beat] You’re not?
Zita: Not even a little bit. He only has eyes for you. he’s too noble to tell you this, but I’m not. The guy gave up art to get you and your family out of jail. That’s the deal he made with his Dad.

Sometimes I feel like there's always a bird on my head

Ugh when is this invisible bird gonna get off my head


Meanwhile, Shane and Lauren are having a hard time trying to break into Baldwin and Amy’s having a hard time convincing them to go home for some McFlurries.

Is that the ice cream truck?

Is that the ice cream truck?

Shane’s shocked to hear that Amy enabled Karma and Reagan spending the evening together, and presses Amy for why she can’t tell Reagan that she needs space. To be fair, Reagan has a way of steamrolling a conversation, but Amy has a way of doing whatever she can to avoid conflict — it’s not a great match, really, but it’s what Amy’s used to, because Karma does the same thing.

Shane: So if you can’t ask for space I’m guessing you didn’t tell her you’re sometimes attracted to guys? If you wanna have a real relationship with Reagan you can’t keep things from her because you’re scared she won’t wanna hear them.

However, before this delightful conversation can proceed for any additional moments of our lives, Lauren busts outside from inside, which she has handily busted into.


So, Reagan got a roofie from creepy Steve and dissolved it in Liam’s water, which definitely one-ups Karma giving Charlotte a non-vegan egg roll and is AWFUL. Unfortunately, or fortunately, maybe, Liam’s dad rolls up and downs the water before Liam’s lips touch the sweet soft glass. He’s just super nervous about the biggest product launch in company history!

Ugh I have never seen somebody drink poison that good!

Ugh I have never seen somebody drink poison so fast! What a fast poison-drinker!


Lauren and Shane are undercover as cheerleaders and Amy is dressed like a drag king pirate.

Do I recognize you from Butt-Pirates of the Caribbean?

Wait are you that guy from Butt-Pirates of the Caribbean?

They’re gonna sneak in and join the cheer squad in order to take over the microphone and tell everybody that Theo is a narc. Also it looks like they’re working on a really small set.

Amy: Why do I have to be the mascot?
Lauren: Because you have the coordination of a baby goat.
Shane: [to Amy] Is it weird that i’m slightly attracted to you right now?

Lauren is so prepared to out-bitch the head bitch in charge of the cheerleaders, informing her that they’ve been bumped up from JV and fucking DEAL WITH IT! Amy says revenge won’t make Lauren feel better. Lauren says it can’t possibly make her feel worse. I beg to differ.

Bring It On 4: Making It Or Faking It?

Bring It On 4: Making It Or Faking It?

Lauren and Shane, as anybody could easily predict, completely throw off the routine ’cause they don’t know it.

SPIRIT FINGERS!

SPIRIT FINGERS!

Now it’s time for the basketball team to make their grand entrance, and Lauren is licking her chops, prepared to make a huge stupid mistake.

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Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2675 articles for us.

19 Comments

  1. It seems to me that in the land of Faking it, bisexuality doesn’t exist. All this “oh you like guys too, you must not be gay, you must be straight” comes off a little bifobic. As if being attracted to both, while being in a relationship with the other is deceitful. Nice job Faking it.

  2. This episode was so aggravating on many different levels. I’m over all these tropes tbh. The questioning lesbian who can’t make up her mind and refers to her female exes as “friends”. The biphobic lesbian who is absolutely terrified of getting her heartbroken by a bi chick. And the bi chick who is every stereotype in the book who eventually does break her lesbian girlfriend’s heart for a boy. This episode(and that sneak peak) is really not subtle in how they are beating us over the head with the foreshadowing in how this is all going to play out. It’s going to be the most ridiculously cliched bullshit ever.

    If I weren’t super invested in everything Lauren I would have turned this shit off a long time ago.

    • I really think that part of the problem with this show is that there aren’t any queer women involved in any part of the writing process, at least as far as I know. Whenever that’s the case, it seems like the gay guy gets some new/interesting stories (although Shane/Duke is very reminiscent of a similar Queer as Folk storyline) and the queer girls get whatever is most relate-able to everybody involved? I think this show is definitely doing a few things right that a lot of other shows have done wrong, though.

  3. I too wanted Amy to be a lesbian – and I’m saying this as a bisexual girl who always wants more bisexual representation – because it would have been something quite “new”? And then we already saw her being confused, coming out, etc. in the first season. As you said the fact that she slept with Liam while she was drunk doesn’t have to mean anything. If they really wanted to do a questioning storyline why not doing one with Karma? (Looking at the previews maybe they will, but I’m not so sure).

    And if they wanted to create drama between Amy and Reagan they could have had done so without any biphobic bullshit.

  4. Honestly, Reagan was like a breath of fresh air last season and now they’re totally destroying her character and I’m very upset. Also, it’s season 2B and I still can’t stand Liam. Not even a little bit. Lauren on the other hand, is probably the only reason I’ll keep watching this show when Reagan and Amy break up.

  5. – “Is that angry music playing in my head?” I laughed.
    – Shane is such a Slytherin.
    – Karma, she’s not queer. Giving her something non-vegan doesn’t matter.
    – Is Karma wearing a thumb ring? How is she not queer?
    – Shane and Lauren doing that cheer reminds me of Karma and Oliver dancing for the drama club tryouts.
    – “I don’t like you changing who you are to make someone like you.” This is such a good opportunity to throw Karma’s relationship with Liam in her face.
    – Think about how the various people’s situations ended up this episode. Lauren ended up unhappy. Reagan ended up unhappy. Amy has set herself up. Shane is neutral. Karma improved somewhat. Liam got Karma back, had Zita warm up to him, and killed it in a major presentation for a multimillion dollar company. Tell me again who’s the main character of this show?

    • “Think about how the various people’s situations ended up this episode. Lauren ended up unhappy. Reagan ended up unhappy. Amy has set herself up. Shane is neutral. Karma improved somewhat. Liam got Karma back, had Zita warm up to him, and killed it in a major presentation for a multimillion dollar company. Tell me again who’s the main character of this show?”

      This is a very good point. Also it’s weird that he keeps getting “redeemed” throughout the story, and becomes more and more allegedly likeable… while everybody else gets less likeable?

  6. I’m not sure I even buy that Charlotte “wasn’t sure if she liked girls”. The way they’re presenting Reagan’s character now, it seems like that would be the narrative she would put on it no matter what happened. The writers are doing such a disservice to both characters.

    UGH THIS EPISODE. Stop trying to make bi girls vs. lesbians a thing, stop it stop it stop it. And the roofies! Oh my god the roofies.

  7. I would love Amy to be either bi or a lesbian, but they keep messing around with her identity for the sake of drama and fulfilling stereotypes. In the first season, it was convenient to make her a lesbian. Now, it’s better to have her bisexual.

    They’re reducing her to her sexuality and then not even staying consistent with that. (And, I’m all for more honest representation of struggling to define yourself, but only written by actual LGBT people.)

    Especially with Reagan’s ex “leaving her for a man” and evoking all the stereotypes, this episode doesn’t do a lot remind viewers that sexuality isn’t always so murky and that you can’t “turn a girl straight”. (Which seems to be a theme. Karma might be into Amy? Nope, in love with Liam. Amy might be gay? JK- she’s bi and it’s a BIG deal that we clarify that she’s also into guys. Reagan’s ex? Oh, she’s with a man and hiding that shameful time in her life by referring to her as “a friend”.)

    This show doesn’t do a good job of depicting women, bi or lesbian. Somehow LIAM, the straight white guy, seems to get the best plot-line of redemption and heroism while the women, and more interesting characters in my opinion, get reduced to their sexuality and shown in a negative light.

  8. Rita Volk in interview for AE confessed that they lied about Amy being lesbian in those 3 interviews after Season 1, officially to give lesbian fans something to relate to, though it’s pretty obvious she was just covering Carter’s back since that explanation was just ridiculous:

    “When I said that the first time, my intention behind it was it seemed like so many girls watching the show wanted to have a lesbian character that they could look up to, because that’s how they identified. And there aren’t a lot of lesbian characters on TV in that high school range. I mean, it’s becoming more prevalent, which is great, but it’s happened pretty fast in the past couple of years.
    So, when I said that, it was trying to make them feel like they had someone they could relate to, because there is that side of her—she’s attracted to girls.”

    (dunno what are the rules about linking to other queer female focused sites here, so I just give the name of the interview: Rita Volk on Karmy, Reamy and Season 2B of “Faking It”)

    For reminder, that’s one of those inteviews:

    “I don’t know about Karma’s path, but for Amy, she is a lesbian, and Carter and I talked about that. We don’t want it to be a tease, we don’t want people to feel like they can relate to this vulnerable process that she’s going through, and they can relate to this girl because she’s a lesbian and then have that taken away, like, “Oh, never mind, you know, I’m into guys now.”
    http://community.ew.com/2014/06/09/faking-it-stars-talk-real-life-faking-it/

    And Carter himself in recent podcast on AE, besides focusing on Amy being Sexual Hulk for men and stressing out how her body responds to guys against her brain (yeah, he really loves to bring that up), said that she is somewhere from 3 to 6 on a scale from 1 to 7, so transfering it to more traditional Kinsey Scale, she’s somewhere from 2 (bisexual with preference for men) to 5 (bisexual with strong preference for women), and her journey is about figuring it out.
    Since she will be with Felix later this season I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the former.

    • I can’t stand Carter Covington. I really can’t. Every time he opens his mouth I want to delete this show from my DVR and erase it from my memory. The only redeeming quality I see in it right now is Lauren and who knows how much longer that will last. I have already given up on them portraying queer women with any sort of consistency or dignity. And I’m really disappointed in Rita Volk as well.

  9. Ok I don’t know if this is old news and you guys already know this but I just started watching and have to report: Theo is on Fear the Walking Dead with Lexa from The 100!!!! Also some kid who played young Voldemort in Half-Blood Prince.

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