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Top 10 Lesbian Chapsticks for Chapstick Lesbians

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Chapstick Lesbians Definition

What’s the meaning of “chapstick lesbian”? We know that “lipstick lesbian” is a thing because we have seen it on the Internet and on The L Word. But the definition of “chapstick lesbian” is harder to nail, but we’re gonna try: “chapstick lesbian” is generally assumed to describe a lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, which overlaps with the “tomboy femme” gender presentation. Chapstick lesbians are low-key and practical. Chapstick lesbians don’t wear lipstick unless it’s a very special occasion. The default outfit of a chapstick lesbian is “t-shirt and jeans.” They value comfort and, you guessed it, VALUE.

We are all about chapstick for ever and ever, world without end, amen. Working on the assumption that chapstick lesbians are a thing, here are some chapsticks we have positive feelings about. And they have positive feelings about us. It’s all pretty gay.

1. Classic Cherry Chapstick

tube of cherry chapstick, a favorite of chapstick lesbians

OR IS THAT THE BISEXUAL CHAPSTICK? Thanks Katy Perry!

2. Burt’s Bees Beeswax: The Best Chapstick That Rachel Can’t Afford

Burt’s Bees Beeswax has menthol or something in it, which is nice for kissing because it makes the other person’s lips slightly tingly. Just for the record. Burt’s Bees works best for chapstick lesbians who don’t want their lip balm to add any color of shine to their lips, they just want the long-lasting impact of a quality chapstick.

3. Burt’s Bees Honey Lip Balm

This smells a little funny but tastes really sweet when you kiss someone.

4. Blistex Medicated Ointment

Not a chapstick at all, this lip product is for when it’s really cold and windy and you have no intention of making out with anyone within the next half hour and/or ever. Blistex Medicated Ointment is all business, despite the super sweet taste.

5. Blistex Daily Conditioning Treatment

Also not necessarily chapstick, as it comes in a pot. It’s nearly impossible to find Blistex DCT in a reliable way. If you ever see DCT at a drug store, you should buy two, because they won’t be back for another three months and even then they’ll be in an entirely different, nonsensical location, usually just out of reach behind a box of tampons for some reason.

6. Aquaphor Lip Repair Ointment: Pure Medicine for Practical Chapstick Lesbians

Our final entry in the “not actually chapstick” category. It’s cheap and it works on the dryest of lips. Music to a chapstick lesbian’s ears.

7. Bonne Bell Watermelon Lip Smackers

For when you want everyone within a three-foot radius to think you’re enjoying the most delicious piece of watermelon bubblegum on this fine planet, but without the gum. No one can resist the allure of a chapstick lesbian with Watermelon Lip Smackers. No one.

8. Melixir Vegan Lip Butter Trio

Melixir Vegan Lip Butter Trio

God, vegan chapstick lesbians.

9. Carmex Lip Balm

Carmex Lip Balm: small lip balm cup and the ez-on appication

The sweatpants of lip products.

10. Sun Bum Lip Balm SPF 30

Sun Bum Lip Balm 3-pack

For when you’re playing softball and need some SPF. Don’t want any flavor on your lips? Try Banana Boat.

11. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Balm

CEO Bigelow Mentha Lip Shine

Usually you have to go to the mall at least once a year, and it’s a heinous experience, and you can’t believe you ever did this voluntarily or with any excitement. There are two things that make mandatory mall stops endurable: Auntie Anne’s pretzels and getting a tube of Bigelow’s mint lip balm from Bath & Body Works. As chapsticks for chapstick lesbians go, this one is a little pricey, and also not chapstick, but well worth it because it’s the only balm that acts as a breath freshener. Other balms are minty, yes, but Bigelow’s is superior in every way.

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Rachel

Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1142 articles for us.

202 Comments

  1. Burt’s Bees is fantastic, I’ll give you that, but I always use Dr. Pepper’s Lipsmackers. The chemicals, they smell so delicious. :D I like this article!

    • Dr. Pepper lipsmackers is pretty much the only chapstick I use. My dad gets it as a stocking stuffer for everyone in my family every Christmas.

    • I really more of a lipstick girl, but when I use chapstick, it’s almost always Dr. Pepper Lipsmakers. For a few years it was really hard to find in my area, and it took me several months to find a store that was still carrying it. I’ve also used CO Bigelow’s Rose Salve and Smith’s Rose Bud Salve (in Original and Brambleberry – which I preferred), but the lids get stuck really easily. I usually get so annoyed with the lid that I just reach for the Dr. Pepper lipsmakers or some lipstick. It’s funny to see carmex on your list, I used it all the time when I was a kid.

    • i’ve never met someone else who used dr. pepper lipsmackers and i think if i did i would have to marry them. also this article made me need to put some on.

    • THIS was the entire reason i wanted to comment.

      i need you to marry me.

      plus also when my ex was in afghanistan (and we were together) i sent her a tube of that so she would remember my kisses. no lie i’m that huge of a dork.

      but yeah that shit is my life/the only thing that saves me when i’m trying to cut out sodas

  2. these are fantastic :D i love burts bees and yes they are pricey. c.o bigelow is amazing i have a ginger mint one… its amazing.

    – also “labello” lip balms are wicked all year round especially cold cold winters :)

    • This is my favourite stuff in the world. I just have a hard time justifying $8 for a little twister of it. But it’s so good..

    • I want one of those! I love their lip gloss, but I am not always in the mood to get my lips all sticky and shiny.

    • Yes! That’s what I was going to say! Badger Balm – Lemon Ginger, Pink Grapefruit, and Highland Mint.

  5. i use just a touch of vaseline at home. i save a lot of money. otherwise, i use lipstick with spf & moisturizer.

  6. I use a generic burt’s bees that they sell at the university bookstore. I lose my chapstick too often to pay for the brandname.

    Used to use carmex but a friend pointed out that it’s essentially putting gasoline on your lips because it’s mostly petroleum.

  7. I’ve been using Softlips Soft Cherry Lip Balm for about 15 years… It’s safe to say that I’m addicted.

    • Softlips is my favorite too!!!

      I’m partial to the vanilla and peach/mango flavors.

      The best is picking flavor combinations for delicious make outs.
      “Vanilla” + “Sugar and Spice” = Yummy cookie makeouts!!

      That being said, I do have a sugar cookie flavored chapstick that I wear too.

      • That sounds amazing! Sadly now I know both that it existed and that I will never get to try it.

  8. I’m a Burt’s fan. Not that I’m really a chapstick person, but if I need it (because I work outside), I’m all about the Burt’s.

    Ooh, or Naked Bee. Mostly because Naked is in the title. Mmmm naked.

  9. I love CO Bigelow lip care, but the gloss isn’t my favorite. In fact, I prefer this as a chapstick: http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4132479&cp=4090261.4090358.4342146

    It’s super moisturizing and tastes like lemonade.

    Also, this for severely dry lips (or hands, or noses…): http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11179985&isCrossSell=true&cp=4090261.4090358.4342146

    It goes on smooth, doesn’t get grainy and has a really subtle vanilla taste to it.

    Otherwise… hell yes Burt’s Bees Honey.

  10. Everyone seems to love Burt’s Bees, but I put it on and then my lips are chapped again ten minutes later. Maybe I’m doing it wrong?

    Anyway, Blistex is far superior. I like the medicated kind that comes in chapstick form, it’s minty and people don’t mind kissing it. Bigelow is nice, too–expensive, but the packaging is too pretty to resist.

    • This would happen to me. Because I have a skin allergy to coconut oil and they use it in most of their stuff.

      And yet for some reason my mom put it in my Christmas stocking *facepalm* along with a few coconut-based soaps (REGIFTED)

      anyway, there’s a thought.

    • probably because Burt’s Bees is wax-based. I always find that petroleum jelly-based ones (I think Blistex is?) actually moisturize your lips whereas wax-based ones force you to apply and re-apply like a chapstick drug addict.

    • With you on the Burt’s; it just doesn’t feel very pleasant to me (but, then again, it’s been a long time since I tried any, so maybe it’s been reformulated since or something). Blistex feels nice and smooth.

      • mango burt’s bees is very possibly the best thing ever. although it usually doesn’t last on my lips very long because my girlfriend is all “oh let me kiss you, just kidding i really want to steal your chapstick mwahahahaha!” jadskfhadksjhf. >.>

    • Oh, no! Don’t do it! Don’t try the honey kind!

      It tastes like Old Lady Soup. Like, if you were to make soup out of old ladies, that is what it would taste like.

      I’m a die-hard Burt’s Bees user, and once bought the honey variety thinking, “Oh, this will be nice–a touch of sweetness” but when I put it on, I could think of nothing other than Old Lady Soup.

      Which is really disturbing, frankly.

    • Yes. I agree. I think Burt’s has something addicting in it because I can no longer use any other kind of chapstick. If it doesn’t make my lips tingle, it’s no good. And this includes all other versions of Burt’s besides the original (honey, medicated, lifeguard, pomegranate, etc…) They are all inferior to the original.

      And yes, Burt and I are on a first name basis.

      • holla!
        no, but seriously, the pomegranate chapstick is the shit. THE SHIT. especially because it leaves a barely noticeable red tint to your lips that make them look extra kissable.

      • So true.

        It’s the kind my girlfriend favors, and one time I’d just got back to school after a weekend at her place and the girl next to me put on some pomegranate Burt’s Bees and I could smell it and then I couldn’t concentrate on what the professor was saying because I was thinking about kissing my girlfriend goodbye at the train station and how that was a lot more fun than being in class.

        Basically that chapstick is awesome and highly distracting.

  12. The greatest/gayest thing ever was when a frisbee tournament I was at was sponsored by Burt’s Bees and we all got free chapsticks.

  13. I do like Burt’s Bees chapstick, but, tbh, I’m all about the Vaseline. Though I do keep getting shocked when I go to buy more. The price jumps every single time. I remember when it was 99p for a tin!

    • Though my ex used to not like it. I still can’t figure exactly what was wrong with her…(maybe that has something to do with why things didnt work out?)

      Also, I just love that this article exists.

      • I agree! I have so many containers of Burt’s Bees around and yet I’m still always losing them lol. My wife doesn’t like it either, she refuses to kiss me if I put it on my lips first >.<

  15. C.O. Bigelow has been my go-to for years now. It made an otherwise awkward trip to the mall bearable when I discovered it. Then, I learned that C.O. Bigelow had a store in NYC and I went and it was a mecca of good smelling products. It was an experience!

  16. I want to love the original flavor Burt’s Bees (the tingles!) but something about the menthol or mint oil or whatevz dries out my lips. Which is not cute.
    I recently discovered the magical Burt’s Bees with pomegranate oil recently – it really moisturizes, leaves a very subtle hint of glossy-ness and makes my lips feel very kissable. And I think it might be cheaper than the original? Maybe not but I still love it.

  17. My girlfriend has this Burt’s Bees Pomegranate chapstick. Anyway, I really hate it.

    I’m simple, I just use straight up old school classic Chapstick. Mm… moisturising!

  18. i don’t know guys, i’m not such a fan of burt’s bees. they have a weird waxy texture and every one i’ve tried tastes weird slash makes my lips look weird.

    smith’s minted rose lip balm – the ones in the tins you can snag at any urban or american apparel? – are the best for overall cushioniness on your lips/shine, but i’ve found nothing works better than korres guava lip butter for intense smoothness and getting rid of any chapped pieces/uneven texture. also it’s slighty tinted white which i don’t like, but maybe some people do? and it smells better than anything i’ve ever tried. ever.

    • Yes! I love the Smith’s stuff–though I just get the regular Rosebud Salve one; I didn’t even know they made a minted one.

  19. what do you guys think about kiehl’s? i love kiehl’s. their lip balm is a little bit pricier than the stuff on this list ($7 for a big pot), but it lasts forever and really works.

    • My boss’ parents handed me about 5 tubes of Kiehl’s in the winter because they somehow obtained a box of the stuff. I’m a fan. It’s better when it’s free.

    • kiehl’s is great (although pricey and challenging to find when not on th east coast), but the original chapstick by chapstick — black and white label. white cap. classy.

  22. My mom swears by Bag Balm. It’s balm…for your bags. And your lips, apparently. This is getting awkward..

    • Bag Balm! My mom’s side of the family (at least the ones who work/ed on farms) uses Bag Balm as a cure-all, so I always keep a tin of it around. I’ve never tried it on my lips, though. I don’t think I could stand having that medicinal smell so close to my nose.

    • Yup, I know about Bag Balm, too! I grew up on a dairy farm and we used it on our cows udders when it would get cold and they would get chapped. But we also used it on our lips. Yes, I’ve had cow udder on my lips.

    • I have applied Cherry Chapstick to my lips at least once a day since the sixth grade. My grandmother actually put a 5 pack of them in my stocking last year. One time a day trip to my best friend’s hometown turned into an overnighter and I made her drive me to Wal-Mart so I could buy Cherry Chapstick (and dry socks, we’d been snowboarding.) I flipping love Cherry Chapstick and Katy Perry isn’t going to take that away from me.

      I like C.O. Bigelow too for when I’m feeling fancy/ want my lips to shine.

      • My grandmother also used to put Cherry Chapstick in my stocking every year. It made me love her even more.

        • Good try; you already switched to Burt’s this weekend, but I’m still covered in Axe Shampoo, Body Wash, Deo, and Body Spray. Victory is mine.

  24. http://www.lushusa.com/shop/products/face/lip-balms-and-scrubs/mint-julip

    Lush’s Lip Scrub is where its at, holy shit. Its a lip exfoliant that leaves your lips feeling all smooth and amazing, and it tastes delicious. Its also kind of dangerous, since I have trouble not eating the entire pot of it. Also its vegan, yay :D

    And since you’re already spending $9 on overzealous lip care you may as well give in and get EOS organic lip balm…

    And I wonder why my bank account is so desolate

      • yessss. i haven’t actually bought any yet but i tried it out during my last lush shopping spree and it was weird but also awesome. they didn’t have the mint julip flavor but that sounds good too. the only reason i didn’t buy it is because i currently have like 3 or 4 tubes of burt’s bees.

    • LOVE Mint Julips. Yay for soft, tingly, plump lips.
      Also love Honey Trap and Chocolate Whipstick lipbalms (mmmm… Whipstick…). And Lip Service in the winter. I feel like I have to re-apply a lot less often than with any petroleum-based products, or even most other cocoa/shea butter based balms.

      *fair declaration of bias: I am a very happy Lush employee. Getting to sample EVERYTHING is a big perk of the job!*

      • I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOUR JOB. We don’t have a Lush where I live so I have to make pilgrimages every year to restock on Seanik and shower bombs. Of course, I would probably end up trading pay checks for products so that job would probably be very bad for me.

    • OH I am a LUSH fanatic! I crave it. But to be honest… amidst all the bath bombs and bubble bars, delectable soaps and to-die-for Karma cream… I have not yet tried their lip stuff. Obvs need to now. Like right now.

    • I was about to mention EOS… I can’t tell if my obsession comes from the container aesthetics but it does make my lips so so soft.

  25. Love Burt’s Bees Beeswax, the original, but hate the pomegranate. I also love el cheapo 55 cent tubes of chapstick because the dog likes to eat chapstick. (why?)

    ALSO it’s Auntie Anne’s not Aunt Annie’s. I know because I work at one and pleasepleaseplease come stop by the mall. Selling pretzels to cute girls makes my shift go sooooo much faster.

    • I love me some mall pretzels! (And cute girls who sell them.)

      Plus, the buttery pretzel stuff is kinda like chapstick. Mmm… butter chapstick. *drool*

  28. I think Ellen originated the term “chapstick lesbian.” At least, it’s a gag in the sitcom episode in which she comes out to her parents…

  29. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I found Burt’s Bees really burny and itchy? Like, the first time I used it I literally had to wipe it off after five minutes. Not cool.

    I find anything with shea butter tends to work well.

    • Gah, you’re the only person I’ve heard about who has a shit reaction to Burt’s Bees, too. It gives me hives all over my lips and makes my lips itch and burn and get really red.

      I use Aquaphor every night before bed, and I never need to use chapstick during the day (except during the winter) because it works so well.

      • I’m allergic to honey (I know, wtf, right?) so the idea of the honey chapstick they have is just horrifying to me. I’m not totally alone!

      • I said it up there to someone else but I’ll say it again…could be the coconut oil? I have bad skin reactions to coconut oil.

  31. A friend of mine loves Carmex lip balm so much that my best friend dressed up as it for her birthday this year.

    I prefer Burt’s Bees Beeswax lip balm, yummy!

    • Carmex is the best! I only just discovered it. I love the menthol tingle feeling. Also, I am surprised that only one of these lip balms is not sold in Aus. Usually products are so different between Aus and US!

  32. This is my lip jam so hard I buy in bulk:

    Super packed with natural Vitamin E, Vitamin A and aloe vera, it’s perfect on its own, but is amazing under lipsticks or gloss, or over lip stains. And cheap, dude.

  33. totally not the point of the article, but YES auntie anne’s pretzels made every mall shopping trip between the ages of 11 and 17 bearable.

    on topic, i have a raspberry-lemonade flavored blistex and it is pretty great.

  34. Once I used my cousins’ Palmer’s cocoa butter lip balm and it was the best thing ever but I have no idea where to buy it. Eek!

    • you can get it at cvs or safeway or just like regular grocery places, I think, its just small and ninja like in the shelves.

  35. I could not love this post more.

    Right now, at this moment, there are 7 different kinds of chapsitckish products in my immediate vicinity.

    3 Burt’s Bee situations of various tints

    2 Blistexes (1 with SPF, 1 without)

    1 Vaseline deal that I forgot I had until I looked in my desk drawer just now

    And 1 Bigelow, which is my favorite

  36. I’ve never really been one for chapstick. Are dry lips really a thing? I always seem to acquire chapstick anyway and what usually happens is it sits in a desk drawer unused for years until it’s all dried up.

  37. Has anyone ever used nivea chapsticks? They’re all so good. The kiss of smoothness one will seriously make the most chapped lips in the entire world soft in like, 4 seconds. Also, they all taste like fruit stripe gum.

    • I just started using them! I love the blue kind… it’s so soothing or something. Also love the honey flavor. Maybe a little too much.

    • oh my gosh. Nivea dark blue is my life. I am an addict. I ALWAYS have one in my pocket – wearing a dress? Gotta find a place for my chapstick. It’s been my go-to and really, my only lip chap for probably 5 years now. Longest relationship? Yepp. Plus it leaves my lips gently shiny and tasting good, but not too good so I eat it. I LOVE IT!!

      • YES! SO MUCH YES! My mother got me a two-pack of the dark blue for Easter and it was like. The best thing ever. Jesus is risen and I got amazing chapstick. Check.

  38. I can’t allow anyone wearing cherry chapstick to come within five feet of me. (I can’t even listen to that Katy Perry song, but the following story is probably not the only reason for that.) Explanation:

    When I was six (I think) and my next-door neighbor was five, he locked me in his room and wouldn’t let me out until I kissed him. He was wearing cherry chapstick. Ruined it for me, for life.

  40. One of my best friends used to use that cherry chapstick ALL THE TIME and she would WAVE the chapstick in my face every time she was applying it because she knew I hated the smell. It became some sort of running joke when a year later she stopped using it but I picked up the apple flavour of that brand instead and every time I used it, she would be like, “Ew, what is that disgusting smell” and I’d be like, “It’s the smell of revenge.”

  42. i LOVE burt’s bees original! the day before i left for basic i lost the last one i had and i freaked out. i went to 3 different stores until i found more to take with me and when you live in a small town in Vermont that is dedication. i think most of it was probably nerves about leaving lol.

    • I dropped mine on the train tracks once back before you could get them in Australia. It was a brand new tube, too. I WAS LIVID.

  43. it seems like I never need to buy chapstick, theres always random old ones around my house, I just get a knife and cut off the top and use them till I lose them again. thats probably super gross or something…

    • Reduce, reuse, recycle. You’re saving the planet from, um, global chapstick warming? Yeah.

      At any rate, sounds sensible to me.

  44. Hate burts bees with a passion. the expensive mall shit is usually good and Im a fan of whatever handmade ten dollar uber expensive crap at lush. but my fall back cheap shit is definitely the herbacin.

  45. I’m a carmex girl. Although I used to have this little one that came in a green spherical pot and smelled like melons, but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was called. I bought it in a gas station in South Dakota and I think it’s only sold in the US… I dunno. I must go back to South Dakota and aquire more of it.

  46. I’ve been using The Body Shop’s lip balms for pretty much ever. They have a ton of flavors, usually have some sort of sale or 2-for-1 deal that makes the cost less off-putting, and I prefer the smooth texture over waxy lip balms/chapsticks.

  47. They’ve finally started selling Burt’s Bees in Australia, but with an EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS MARKUP. (Their cuticle butter costs $2.99 in the US. Here? $14.99. FML.)

    I got this chocolate mint lip butter off Etsy once that I love, but the seller doesn’t make them anymore! Argh!

  49. No chapstick in the history of Chapsticks That People Claim Are Amazing has ever worked for me, because I apparently have stubborn lips. The ONLY chapstick that has ever done its job consistently for me is this uber-natural stuff that I only seem to be able to find in co-ops. It’s called Nanak Lip Smoothee. The only other person I’ve ever known who uses it is my dad, and he’s the reason I know about this magical product in the first place.
    It comes in coconut, vanilla, and unscented, and it’s fucking delicious.

  50. I’m leaving my first ever AS comment on this thread because chapstick/lipbalm is absolutely one of my favourite things in the world ever. I don’t really like wearing lipstick (I feel like I need to be touching it up every 10 mins) and don’t like the stickiness of gloss, so yeah, lip balm. Every coat pocket and handbag has a pot!

    Some I own are: Vaseline Rosy Lips (Vaseline with rose and almond oil and a pink tint), Spa Paradisa Sweet Coconut Lip Butter (super yum!), some Stila tinted lip balm, and Clinique Superbalm. Carmex is my all-time favourite though.

  51. For possible ‘au natural’ vanilla fans who don’t like any petro products near ’em: Unpetroleum Vanilla flave, purple tube, http://dev.unpetroleum.com/?title=Lip+Care
    (possibility of cherry or tangerine for the fruity girls)

    For the ladies who like a little rose and beeswax mix, done biodynamic style (really good for the earth and humans!), try Everon, very nice, http://usa.weleda.com/our-products/shop/everon-lip-balm.aspx

    And my new fave, wearing it is almost like making out with yourself, also biodynamic and sweet delicious but not in a gross or fake way: http://www.truebotanica.com/store/product/CRW0001/BoswelliaLipBalm.aspx

    xoxo

    • I always have hated Unpetroleum. It’s too waxy and just sticks to my lips instead of actually moisturizing.

  52. This makes me think of the chapstick I got in a camp kit a number of years ago. I can’t remember the brand, but it was vanilla mint and amazing. (It made my lips feel fresh & tingley but had the mellowness of vanilla too).

  53. my standard ‘one interesting fact about you’ in get-to-know-you ice breaker games is ‘I have over 85 chapsticks’

    i like dr. bronner’s organic right now.

  55. Self-described lip balm whore with a moderate hoarding problem.

    My absolute favorite can apparently only be purchased at Sally Beauty, which makes me nervous: Beyond Belief. Blue & white tube, it smells and tastes like the beach. Love love.

    It’s rivaled by this too-big but wonderful tube of LypSyl, which’s made with pure Swedish beeswax and I guess that’s good. This one is a really soothing, sweet minty flavor. VERY kissable.

    Sometimes Alba has yummy lip balms. I have two tubes of Coconut Cream in front of me.. but it’s borderline too-sweet.

    Also, Kiss My Face. Organic, yum. The Vanilla Honey is good, but the Treat Mint is incredible. They also make a Ginger Mango, which I think I accumulated via my ex, which is tasty.

    Lately, I’ve been into Nivea’s A Kiss of Smoothness (blue tube) and Nivea’s … Milk & Honey, I think? And to round it out (do you see how I clearly have a problem here), Chapstick did or does and I just can’t find it anymore made a Fresh Effects – invigorating green tea mint flavor – and it is crazy amazing.

  56. this may make me sound crude, but when I was a vegetarian I found this vegan lip balm, Pussy Pucker Pot, it had flavors like; “don’t need no MANgo”, “muffberry”, “areola apricot” “clitoris citrus” I can’t speak as to whether or not they were good, they just always made me giggle

    • My mom sent me a couple of those! (My mom is hilarious.) They don’t work that well but they smell awesome.

    • I don’t care if they work. I would buy them entirely based on marketing.

      Pickup line: “Want to borrow my chapstick?” *eyebrow raised*

  57. I had NO idea that chap stick could be gay. You really do learn something every day.

    Nivea is really the best and I have tried many. I have the yellow one milk and honey.

    But I am really a lip gloss girl. I stay poppin’

  61. love burts bees but has any one heard of one called hemps its like amazing if my burtsbees isnt doing the trick i steel my girlfeinds hemps chap stick and it dose the trick its made with hemp and other stuff and comes in a little squeeze tube and is so silkly when you put it on you cant help but kiss the person next to you just to share the magic of it lol its good its lasted me her her daughter and who ever else uses it for like a year but its like 40.00$ a tube its so worth it tho

  62. I love lip balm so much! This post made my day!

    I just got a chapstick from Luna (you know, like the Luna Bars for Women?) and its flavored like their Lemon Zest bars. It’s AMAZING. You are now all jealous of me.

    Also, my girlfriend had a tube of off-brand cherry chapstick that tasted so. damn. good.

    I myself am a Burt’s loyalist, I have many many tubes of original and pomegranite in every bag I own, in many of my pockets, on many surfaces around my apartment, and in my work apron (for Estee Lauder, lol!)

    I used to really really love the C.O. Bigelow My Favorite Lip Balm, I think it’s like the Mentha one but NOT minty. I like it because it tastes like sweet almond. <3 Those are also nice because they feel more oily and less waxy on your lips, which I think feels wonderful and moisturizing.

    • I had no idea you liked that cherry chapstick so much. It was Walgreen’s Chap-Ice if any one wants to know.

  63. I used Burt’s Bees religiously until my sister gave me Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment (the colorless one and the plum one) and I decided they were The Femme Lip Balm. They’re so good and they go on so smoothly! Then I found out they were $22.50 each and felt guilty about using them too much because I knew I couldn’t keep up such an expensive habit.
    http://www.fresh.com/makeup/lip-treatment/sugar-lip-treatment-spf-15

  64. I’m a huge fan of LypSyl (it’s like burt’s bees without the menthol) and L’Occitane shea butter. so great.

    I also loved paw paw ointment while I was abroad in Australia, I definitely smuggled a few containers of it back in my suitcase.

  65. “Chapstick lesbian” is a term from Ellen, which I’ve always thought was roughly analogous to soft butch. Anyways. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GsZyz_5tXc here’s the episode that joke is from, the scene starts at 14:30. (That YouTube channel has like all of the gay episodes leading up to Ellen coming out, and then the whole season that was significantly gayer than the previous four. If you’re interested.)

  67. This article is SO getting bookmarked for future shopping treat splurges. :)

    My addiction to lip balm, gloss, chapstick, and all related things is pretty epic.

    I recently got this lip mask/scrub with a follow-up balm from Mary Kay (I know, right?!). I love it because it’s like giving my lips a facial.

    If you like the idea of Burt’s but aren’t big on the taste (I personally am okay with it), try the “Yes to Carrots” line of natural products. You can find them at Target (only if pronounced “Tar-jhay”) and Walgreens/CVS type places.

    Can we please have a lipgloss lesbians article next?

  70. One of the yummiest chapsticks I’ve ever tasted was, oddly enough, a generic brand with my university’s logo on it that I got for free at registration this year.

  71. My go-to is original Burt’s, but I have a tube of the pomegranate as a spare plus it adds a teensy bit of color.
    My other spare, currently lost in a desk drawer somewhere, is kiss my face vanilla sugar.
    Once I had the Bigelow mint lip stuff and it tasted like…I don’t even know, it was great though.
    My medicine drawer contains blistex for serious chapping, and I use carmex as an absolute last resort if all else fails/nothing is available/my lips are going to dry out and be blown away by wind. My dad always has a thing of carmex on him and I remember being a squirmy little 4-year-old, absolutely hating the smell but being told it was for my own good as my dad put it on me haha.

  72. Am I alone in thinking that Body Shop stocks the widest range of lipbalm flavors? Am I the only one who loves cocoa butter lip balm from Body Shop?

    No animal testing + save the environment = BONUS.

  73. I really, really like Chapstick brand strawberry. It could be my goto. For sure. I also really like the Blistex that comes in a pack of three different fruit flavors? Good stuff.

    And I used to be all about the Lip Smackers…that could probably happen again. I really liked the Wildberry, Vanilla, and DR. PEPPER. There was also a chocolate raspberry one for a while, I don’t know if that’s still around.

    My mom used to use Softlips and it was also awesome, but probably mostly because it was vanilla flavored and vanilla is one of my favorite things EVER. Always has been. (also, apparently is an aphrodisiac? When I found that out I was like “YEAH MY PRIORITIES ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE.”)

  74. Palmers Cocoa Butter Dark Chocolate & Peppermint Lip Butter tastes sooo yummy! I also use Burts Bees Super Glossy Natural Lip Shine in Sweet Pink and and it’s more of a moisturizer than a gloss. Oh and the Paul Frank coconut lip balm is pretty good too. But I mainly bought that one cos it has a monkey on it.

  75. If you have a tendency of getting addicted (if your lips are always dry you probably are) to chapsticks, I suggest buying a base for other creams at the pharmacy. It’s called unguentum emulsificans and it does all the fun things a chapstick can, without the petrolatum, without any smells and without the addiction. Just as an idea for other people that suffer from allergies and rashes.

  78. i’m a carmex in the circular finger application apparatus route (ha). also i love telling people i’m a “chapstick lesbian” because it’s usually followed with “oooh that makes sense!”

  81. ***FOR ANYONE WHO HAS EVER LOST HER/HIS/ZIR CHAPSTICK!***

    Go get one of these:

    It’s a keyring chapstick holder. It attaches it to your keys, and when the chapstick runs out, you can replace it. Imagine that, replacing chapstick BECAUSE IT RAN OUT, not because you lost it! I had no idea what that was like until I got one.

    The only downside is trying to get the chapstick out when you’re driving and your keys are in the ignition. But it’s doable, if you have superpowers. Sometimes you also feel a little silly using it with all the keys attached when you’re too lazy to take the chapstick out of the holder. But totally worth the hassle to always know where your chapstick is. Unless you lost your keys.

    Or apparently you can get something embroidered to look like a woman’s torso in a bikini that does the same thing, but having never used one I can’t speak for how well that kid works:
    http://www.embroiderygarden.com/store/index.php?act=viewCat&catId=14

  82. doesn’t one buy bigelow’s *at bigelow’s*? and what is this “mall” you are talking about? #nycframeofreference

  83. LOL. Only AS would have an article like this. As long as it’s not the kind you have to get your finger dirty for, I’m good. I also don’t like flavored chapsticks.

    Also, chapstick (ChapStick) is technically a brand name. But unlike Mace (pepper spray) and Kleenex (tissues), I cannot think of a generic name. Whoa. This is gonna bug me!

  85. I just sifted through my messenger bag and found 5 chapsticks/lip balms (and I didn’t even look very hard):

    1) My ALL TIME favorite, Palmer’s “Dark Chocolate & Peppermint Lip Butter” which can be procured at Walgreen’s.

    2) Dr. Pepper Lipsmackers

    3) C.O.Bigelow Cinnamint Mentha Lip Shine

    4) Blistex spf15 Raspberry Lemonade Blast

    5) A tube of Lip Venom. Tingly amazingness.

  87. I love that it’s specifically WATERMELON LipSmackers. I still use it, but it always makes me feel like a 4th grader.

  88. I left my house today w/out my cherry chapstick and had a mini nervous breakdown. Lasted about 5 seconds. Its like a security blanket. Gotta have it.

  91. haha, I’m weird with lips – mine crack horribly to the point of pain sometimes but I can’t seem to muster enough energy to put anything on them. It feels WEIRD! It took forever and a day for me to get used to lipstick and even then I only ever use it for shows.

    That said, our women’s circus had some chapsticks for sale/giveaway, specially custom made (I didn’t even know that was a THING) and had two flavours: strawberries&cream and lemongrass. I hate strawberries so got lemongrass, which is all right though it reminds me of tom yam. Dries in the tube quickly tho.

  92. I use EOS. I bought it because of its cool looking shape but I really like the smell of it also.

  93. No one has mentioned tattoo goo. It comes in nifty little tins and while it is not intended for chapstick it is fabulous. It stays on, it smells great, it makes you look like a bad ass to carry it, and most of all – it is affordable. Buy one and try it. If you don’t like it, use it to make the colors pop in your ink. Amazing.

    I also like softlips and there used to be this stuff I think it was made by chapstick, it was blue and sparkly and made your lips tingle. But then they discontinued it. Sucktastic.

  95. If you want to exfoliate your lips and make them super soft and sweet, dip a tooth brush in sugar, then brush them. It’s like a sugar scrub for your mouth.

  96. DCT!! The drum corps lip balm!! Every corps member worth their salt had a few tucked away. Brings back memories…

    …Annnd no one else here knows what drum corps is. Sigh.

  98. I personally jump around, use whatever is around. I’ve had the green Blistex, Burt’s Bees regular and right now I’m using an Avon one that smells like butterscotch pudding. It’s pretty awesome!

  100. I finally joined Autostraddle just to post on this article. I also saved all of the names of lip balms I have not yet tried into a master list for next time I need to add to my collection of literally dozens. As someone who had mad overbite as a child, then braces, and has suffered from dry, chapped lips my whole life, lip balm is the best thing ever.

    Definitely adding more love for Burt’s Bees, but like many, I’m not keen on the original formula. Definitely prefer the honey or pomegranate, or better yet, the “ultra conditioning” type with a silver lid. Blistex is also always a good bet, and Softlips is another fav that my mom introduced me to as a child.

    Also, the rosebud lip salve — all of their varieties are good, though I am partial to the one in the Victorian-looking tin with a lady on the front. Been using that for years and it’s my go-to underneath lipstick to keep hydrated. A similar one is the Tokyomilk Dark line, in Cherry Brandy. That shit smells like a cocktail I would drink.

    If you’re looking for a good *BUTCH* option to carry around, the Jack Black lip balm in a squeeze tube is lemony and amazing, and is similarly formulated to rosebud salve: http://www.sephora.com/jack-black

    Speaking of Sephora, I’m in love with the Fresh Sugar lipbalms. When they gave me two sample sized ones as a free birthday gift, I just about died of excitement. Agreed that it’s THE upscale femme option. On a similar note, Clinique’s Black Honey lip stick is actually a tinted lipbalm in disguise. I put it over regular balm and have none of the chapping trouble that most lipsticks give me.

    Arbonne Lip Saver SPF30 is pretty good if you plan to be outside all day.

    As for health store/independent brands, I’m a huge fan of Nova Scotia Fisherman Xtreme Lip Care. Put it on at night and wake up to the magic of sea kelp softened lips. Not sure if you can get it anywhere but Canada. Epic Blend has an amazing hemp coconut lip balm that was probably my favourite new kind of last year. Finished the whole tube in a matter of months. Magic. Find it here: http://www.epicblend.com/products/hemp-coconut

    Bare English & Co is a great line, and their tea-infused flavours are delish. Unfortunately they ball up and get a strange texture if they experience too many temperature fluctuations.

    If you want to order off Etsy, the two best handmade types I’ve tried are the simple cardamom lip balm from Marble & Milkweed, and the Absinthe Lips balm from For Strange Women.

    For really intense dryness, I either use this Murad anti-aging salve (comes in a squeeze tube and is yellow in colour) which is meant to be used anywhere on your face but works great on lips, or #LipGlam — a new product which is basically just purified lanolin (the stuff that helps keep sheep’s wool healthy — read: non-vegan) and needs to be warmed up each time but works WONDERS. Sometimes classic Vaseline is just the best. Or prescription cortisone cream :)

    And to end, two brands which I find highly overrated:

    Hurraw! — the vegan darling. It doesn’t work very well (save the night conditioning vanilla and chamomile variety) and is way more expensive than it’s worth. Raw is bullshit, anyway.

    LUSH — why do people insist on this stuff? Every product of theirs is so overscented that I nearly keel over and have a breakout just walking into the store. Plus it dries out quickly (my honeytrap lip balm and solid-as-a-rock sugar lip scrub can both attest to this), like, within a few months of buying it. Don’t waste your money.

  101. I’m not a huge chapstick fan; I have a few, mostly partially used and lost in a dark corner. I do like Smith’s, but I’m not big on how messy it is/I am. I usually rub the excess into dry spots on my hand for a spot treatment, which is pretty effective. Blistex I like pretty well; it seems to stay put and has some sort of really good wind-blocking power. Aveeno used to make one (now discontinued) that was amazingly good (tan tube, olive green cap– I don’t remember exactly what it was called): worked well, stayed forever, and your hair didn’t stick in it.

    My favorite right now is one I bought at the summer street fair from someone local who makes them; it was only a dollar, but it’s really good. I’m not sure what’s in it; I just looked at it, and it doesn’t list ingredients. Next summer, I’ll stock up.

    Mostly I use Clinique Chubby Sticks, really. I think that’s technically a balm? Guess that puts me between chapstick and lipstick. Quick! Somebody label me! I have no identity!

  102. EOS lip balm. I love that crap. My cat also likes tumbling the little round containers around the apartment, so bonus points for use as a cat toy.

  104. The greatest/gayest thing ever was when a frisbee tournament I was at was sponsored by Burt’s Bees and we all got free chapsticks.

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