“The L Word” Episode 409 Podcast: Let’s Spend The Entire Day in Bed With Alice and Carmen Phillips!

Alice, Tasha, Helena and Papi spend 50% of their waking hours in Alice’s bed in this thrilling episode with special guest and passionate Tasha fan, Dr. Carmen Phillips of Autostraddle Dot Com! What is Marina doing here? How much shittier can Shane’s Dad be? How much traffic does OurChart ACTUALLY get? Why hasn’t Helena gotten any of her poker winnings? Who is Papi sprung about? Why is Angus still here? How hot does Bette look in a worksuit? Join us for a really funny episode sure to enable at least 1.5 hours of dissociation!

As promised in the podcast, your visual aids and out of context screencaps exist below, with the context in the captions as indicated:

Riese: “This time there’s some women and there’s some colors”

A man with short brown hair, wearing a black jacket. "Would it be interesting if they were really having sex?"

Jenny on the Lez Girls film lot. She is wearing a white shirt under a black jacket, big black sunglasses, and a white leather purse on her right shoulder. She says, "Um, insemination, no fornication."

Bette (in a grey skirt, black jacket, carrying a brown brief case) walking through a parking lot towards Tina (who is barely in frame).

Riese: “We cut to Vancouver, where it’s raining”

Kit in a room full of flower bouquets. She is holding a white disposable coffee cup. She is looking quizzically at the flowers.

Riese: “He sent her ten thousand bouquets of flowers”

Shane in a grey t-shirt, looking very tired, her black eyeliner smudged. Subtitles read, "[Kids whoop and splash]"

Alice and Tasha laying naked intertwined together in bed with light purple sheets. A song plays, singing, "Half-asleep I dreamed that you were half-mine."

Carmen: “I love that shot so much…. you know [The Kiss]? I want them to take this picture of Tasha and Alice and make it poster size so I can hang it in my very adult bedroom.”

Helena wearing a big sombrero hat in Alice's apartment. She says, "Get in here. Where have you been?"

Carly: “Can you imagine wearing an entire sombrero on an entire trans-atlantic flight?”

Tasha (in black track pants, a grey t-shirt, and a black bandana on her head) sits in Alice's bed, looking off to the side. She says, "Y'all are both sprung, if you ask me."

Alice (naked, but wrapped in a bedsheet) answers the door to her apartment. Barely in frame is Joyce. Alice looks surprised.

Shane leaning on the kitchen table in her kitchen. Her dad is there, holding a copy of Jenny's book in his hand (a hardcover book with a white cover with a large black X on it). Her dad asks, "You got roommates?"

Riese: “Dad goes to the bookshelf, pulls a book off the shelf, what book is it everybody? At first I thought it was Generation X by Douglass Copeland. It is not. It is Sum of Her Parts.”
Carly: “By Jennifer Shecter.”

Riese: “Also as he walks in, Alice does this turnaround where she like mouths to everybody ‘HELP ME'”

Papi, Helena, Alice, and Tasha sitting next to each other in Alice's bed on purple sheets. They all look surprised.

Carly: “Can you imagine being Leonard…. and you’re coming here to see this lesbian to be like why, what did you do to her, and then you walk in and there are three other women in her bed? That visual should’ve been it. He should’ve been like OH I get it.”

A woman with short curly brown hair, wearing a black patterned blouse and a long necklace, says, "Give your third-wave feminist agenda." Also in frame are Phyllis (in a teal jacket) and Bette.

Riese: “I swear to God the woman who stands up and starts yelling was in Battlestar.”

Alice, laying on her side with her head resting in her hand. Her eyes are wide. She says, "I think being gay is very cool right now."

Carly: “We see the phone and in all caps it says LEONARD KROLL IS IN MY BED”

Alice, Tasha, and Helena sitting in Alice's bed. Helena says, "Phyllis is not trying to be cool."

Phyllis and Alice hugging. Alice's head is on Phyllis's shoulder. Subtitles read, "[Patting Alice's back heartily.]"

Jodi looking at Bette, who has turned away from her. "Her skin didn't feel as soft as yours."

Board room table of tech dudes on their laptops.

The meeting that can’t start without Max

Carly: “I thought I knew the hotel, I think it’s the Standard.
Riese: “First of all I was like Carly will know what hotel this is, and second of all, I was like, why is everyone else at this pool wearing full clothing.”

Tasha, Alice, and Helena sitting on Alice's bed. Alice calls out the door, "Bye, Leonard."

Alice, Tasha, Papi, and Helena sitting on Alice's bed. Tasha, Papi, and Helena have all raised one hand in the air. Alice says, "Right here. All right."

Shane, Shay, and their dad outside at dusk. Shane is leaning against a post. Shay and their dad's backs are to the camera.

Shay’s Wax t-shirt

A screenshot of the Our Chart website. "I mean, he looks for any excuse to pick on me."

Riese: “I would like to note that the screen at the beginning — they are looking at OurChart’s traffic and they are NOT getting 40,000 hits an hour.”

Grace sitting at a desk looking at a blue screen on a laptop. She is wearing very large white cowboy boots.

Carly: “Grace is wearing just the most gigantic cowboy boots I’ve ever seen.”

Tasha, Alice, Helena, and Papi sitting in Alice's bed. Tasha and Alice are both drinking out of coffee cups. Helena is talking on the phone. She says, "Oh, hi, Catherine."

Shane (in a grey hoodie, with her hood up over her head) walking down the sidewalk of a busy street, talking on her cell phone. She says, "Yeah, it's me."

Tasha, Alice, and Papi in Alice's bed. Tasha is holding a bottle of wine. Tasha and Alice are both holding coffee cups. Alice is talking on the phone. She says, "Shane, Shane..."

Bette in a blue coverall work suit. She says, "I was thinking about having a dinner party."

Bette’s HOT worksuit

Tina and Jenny talking to a white guy with short brown hair. Jenny says, "Yes, what do you like about lesbians?"

Marina sitting on the lap of a white guy with short brown hair, her arm draped over his shoulders. A song is playing, the lyrics are, "Just one smooch in the ladies' room."

Riese: “Then Marina comes up and sits on his lap and starts leering at Jenny?”

Carly: “They just go nuts with the spray paint and just deface the whole thing.”

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Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2885 articles for us.

12 Comments

  1. So glad to hear someone who has the same problem with all of Tina’s comments on movies being that they’re “so visual”…
    Yes Tina, they’re movies ! It’s a visual medium !

    But now I’m thinking our resident cinephile Drew may have examples of non-visual cinema ? If that is a thing ?

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