I’m Just Here for the Food: Figuring Out What’s Okay to Eat for the Gays

Remember when you could mindlessly eat? Like, it wasn’t a good thing, but you could do it if you wanted to. You could pick up a package, briefly ponder whether it was vegan, organic, fair-trade, local and/or nutritionally balanced and that was that. Unfortunately, 2012 has put politics between my food and my mouth. Maybe you prefer the piquant bite that controversy brings to your table? Both sides are waging a war where food is somehow a weapon instead of that wonderful thing that stops my stomach from gurgling at midnight.

Here’s a menu of the most politically charged foods humanly possible. I’m really not saying you should be buying or eating any of these things. In fact, it would probably in your best interest to not put these processed foods in your mouth. However, if you have a hankering for a food fight, here’s your ammo. You get to decide who to throw it at.

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 Girl Scout Cookies 

Shout Outs VIA Fort Bound Independent.

Instead of listening to the cookie’s message of “learn,” angry adults decided to militarize my Thin Mints.  They called for a boycott of the sweet little pucks of happiness after a transgender scout joined their ranks. Seriously? Fighting children? All they wanna do is learn!

 

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Oreos

Happy Oreo VIA Oreo’s Facebook Page

Sometimes a cookie comes out of the closet. Instead of being accepted with open mouths and open arms, it gets tossed around in the battleground. Same-sex-cookie-love-haters decided to ruin Oreos coming out party with a call for a boycott and the cookie went back in the closet and disappeared from Oreo’s Facebook page.

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 Pepsi vs. Coke

Even though both companies are LGBT-friendly, this one Idaho bar decided that Pepsi lost the taste challenge.

 

Chicken-type sandwiches

Via Houston Press

We promised an entire THREE weeks ago that we’d never talk about it again. We never really wanted to talk about it in the first place, but the story won’t die! I seriously apologize for bringing it up again, but it’s kind of their fault for continuing to make their idiocy newsworthy. Rather than talk more about them I’d like to draw your attention to all of the other places you can arm yourself with a gay-friendly sammich. Even though I am not actually a chicken fan, I wholeheartedly support breasts and especially two breasts that love each other.

 

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Coffee

What’s caffeinated, portable and appropriate to lob at haters? 37,000 caffeinated gay-rights supporters agreed on coffee. Even though Starbucks wanted their name removed from the battleground, the game played on at National Marriage Equality Day.

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Honey Nut Cheerios

Flambé and cereal are both wonderful phenomenons but the two don’t work well together. If you want to fight with Honey Nut Cheerios, please have the decency to clean up your crumbs and flames when you’re done. My real criticism here is if he wanted to make light of General Mills’ “homo agenda,” he should have burned Lucky Charms. Not only are they pure sugar (and thus deliciously flammable) there are effing rainbows in there.

 

It seems like each and every day I learn that I should eat at one company and I should boycott another corporation. Frankly I am exhausted and really confused and sort of hungry. I know that I write about letting anti-gay businesses know when they aren’t getting your money, but I have no idea what’s going to come from pouring our dollars into corporations we don’t control. Don’t we have more direct places to donate?

I’ll wait for the time I can wake up in the middle of the night, shuffle to my kitchen in my pajamas and lick Nutella off a spoon without worrying about who I’m accidentally hurting. Until then, I think I’ll just make my own food. Or watch some beautiful drag queens show me how.

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Hailing from Vancouver, Kristen's still trying to figure out how to survive Montreal's Real Legitimate Canadian Winter. So far she's discovered that warm socks, giant toques and Tabby kittens all play a role in her survival. Her ultimate goal is to rank higher than KStew in the "Kristen + Autostraddle" Google Search competition.

Kristen has written 140 articles for us.

24 Comments

  1. Thumb up 12

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    It’s not about the food. Does anyone really think that when some black people sat down at the lunch counter in Woolworth’s in 1960 it’s because they really wanted their grilled cheese sandwich?

    We’re not getting beaten, hosed down with fire hoses or attacked by police dogs at Chik-Fil-A. So obviously this is not equivalent to racial segregation of the 1960′s. Maybe call it social segregation or soft segregation because they can’t legally prohibit gay people from going to Chik-Fil-A. But they sure can make us feel unwelcome.

    Now because of our boycott, every homophobe knows where to go to avoid having to eat in the presence of any LGBT people. It is not because they really like the chicken. The food is completely besides the point.

    • Thumb up 7

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      “Now because of our boycott, every homophobe knows where to go to avoid having to eat in the presence of any LGBT people.”

      Please tell me more about how we’re doing something wrong here by not giving discriminating organizations our money?

      • Thumb up 1

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        Should I elaborate? Maybe. The answer is more complicated than eating this and not eating that, because I don’t think that’s even the question.

        There was an opportunity here to explain to people why the funding of ex-gay organizations and ex-gay conversion research is harmful. That opportunity was missed because we were talking about what we should and shouldn’t eat. Sometimes for reasons that have nothing to do with achieving LGBTQ equality and beyond the scope of the issue at hand.

        That said, I had a meltdown and told one of my straight friends that I’ve known for 20 years to go fuck herself and enjoy her apathy sandwich. I was overwhelmed by the number of people that accepted the right wing talking point that this was a “free speech” issue. We were disorganized from top to bottom.

        I cannot eat at Chik-Fil-A because of my conscience, not because I think I’m sticking it to the man. The man doesn’t want me there anyway. The only thing I gain by not eating there is piece of mind. I will still eat fried chicken though, because I like fried chicken. My health is my business.

        I hope that was clear and not too rambly.

    • Thumb up 2

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      “Maybe call it social segregation or soft segregation because they can’t legally prohibit gay people from going to Chik-Fil-A. But they sure can make us feel unwelcome.”

      Which is why the comparison to sit-ins is false, because they’re not prohibiting us from eating there; they’re just using the money to we spend there to fund campaigns against our equal rights.

      So the LGBT movement doesn’t really do itself any favors by trying to give Chick-fil-A MORE business. I’m not sure what you’re trying to suggest as a course of action here.

      • Thumb up 1

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        So, we’re in agreement that social segregation isn’t equivalent to physical segregation, as I explained. Excellent.

        However you are mistaken that they can’t legally prohibit gay people from going to Chik-Fil-A. Sexual orientation is not included in the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Some states have anti-discrimination laws in public accommodations that cover sexual orientation or gender identification (but not always both), but not at the federal level.

        I hope you are aware that just because Jim Crow laws have been struck down does not mean racial segregation no longer occurs. Many neighborhoods (and thus schools) are still segregated due to income disparity and systemic racism.

  2. Thumb up 10

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    Umm, so I was raised vegetarian and we don’t have Chick-Fil-A over here (I was pronouncing it Chick-Filler in my head until it started coming up on The Daily Show), so I can’t even ask any of my meat-eating friends this, but is Chick-Fil-A food even nice? Because I’m really enjoying the idea of homophobes forcing themselves to eat dozens of nasty-ass chicken sandwiches just to prove how much they hate the gays.

    • Thumb up 1

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      I think Chick-Fil-A is really delicious (for fast food)

      I think. When I became a vegetarian I retroactively convinced myself it was disgusting so I wouldn’t feel bad about what I was missing.

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      Honestly, i think its delicious. It’s also considerably better quality food than most other fast food jints. However, its still just fast food, so its really not that big of a deal to not eat there.

  3. Thumb up 5

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    the other day my neighbor said i was being “too sensitive” because i’d just stopped eating at chick-fil-a, and all i had to say to that was, “BITCH, I’M NOT GONNA LET A SANDWICH VOTE AGAINST MY RIGHTS.” because if i’m going to have my rights infringed upon, it’s not going to be by deep-fried, irregularly-shaped chicken nuggets.

  4. Thumb up 2

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    I don’t think Oreos eliminated the gay Oreo pic, as it’s still in their Wall Photos. It just isn’t on the main page because it was posted over a month ago and they’ve posted other pics since then.

    • Thumb up 1

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      I tried to find it on their Facebook page (photos and wallposts) and used the links from previous articles that had linked to the June 25th photo and couldn’t find it. Benefit of the doubt that the link is just broken then?

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