BREAKING: Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne “Make Out” At A Knicks Game

Breaking news broke today that yesterday evening, while attending a basketball-centric sporting event in the fine city of New York, recently-out actress Michelle Rodriguez and her very attractive companion, model Cara Delevingne, engaged in drunken antics including but not limited to posing for selfies, slouching and “making out.”

Don't look right now, but I'm pretty sure Ben Affleck is standing behind me trying to sniff my hair

Don’t turn around right now but there is a zombie behind you trying to eat your hair

The New York Daily News editorialized the event by headlining “Michelle Rodriguez makes spectacle of herself” for their hard-hitting piece on the Legendary Canoodle. Many anonymous queer women, speaking to me telepathically over the internet, declared that “this is the best spectacle I have seen since the Spectacular Spectacular in Moulin Rouge.” Others disagreed, preferring the classic film’s “Spectacular Spectacular” to two attractive women smoking e-cigarettes while dressed like high-fashion interpretations of “life after death.”

Whoah bro you're like the fucking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland right now

Whoah bro you’re like the fucking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland right now

The Daily News noted that Rodriguez was “clearly intoxicated” and “was caught on camera in the steamy session during the fourth quarter of the game.” Furthermore, they report that “her antics elicited jeers and cheers as spectators watched in amusement.”

Yes, yes, that's it, just keep rubbing right there...

Yes, yes, that’s it, just keep rubbing right there…

Independent research confirms that The Knicks, much like All of Lesbiankind, won last night’s game. Despite my personal lifelong dedication to The Detroit Pistons, I am not mad at this situation.

LET THE FINGERBANGING BEGIN!

LET THE FINGERBANGING BEGIN!

Refinery29 offered a more liberal and exciting version of the event, noting “legs and arms were akimbo, hair was messed up, and sitting upright in a chair seemed nigh impossible. All in all, the two seemed to enjoy mugging for the paps and getting their smooch on, which is totally kosher — except for the poor saps who were stuck sitting behind them.”

Ugh, MEN

Ugh, Brittney Griner could run circles around these fools

“There was action on the court, for sure, but the real action was in the stands,” writes colorful newspaper USA Today.

Sweet lord your shampoo smells like strawberries in a meadow

Sweet lord your shampoo smells like strawberries in a meadow

Despite reports from several reputable news sources that M-Rod and C-Dev were “making out,” we cannot locate photographic evidence of any tongue-kissing or breast-grabbing occurring at the game. Entertainment Weekly has referred to the romantic interactions between the pair as a “sloppy kiss.”

Whaddya say after this we go home and make sex videos to accompany all 15 tracks on Beyonce's new album

Whaddya say after this we go home and watch Bette/Tina fanvids on YouTube and update our social justice tumblrs

Some photographs do suggest that tongue-kissing made its way onto their salacious agenda. Ethically shaky website Perez Hilton confirms “Yes, with tongue!”

This was the night Michelle and Cara finally learned that you can't do blowbacks with e-ciggarettes

This was the night Michelle and Cara finally learned that you can’t do blowbacks with e-cigarettes

At some point during the game, Michelle Rodriguez placed a voodoo spell on an unidentified white male.

Hell yeah I'm a slayer

Hell yeah I’m a slayer

Following the invigorating basketball game, the two women were spotted practicing a unique fusion of Tae-Bo and The Self-Defense Class I Took In Girl Scouts outside the arena.

Hey bro can you check the size on this boot I might have to exchange it for something a little bigger

We call this the “Pre-Scissoring Warm Up and Stretch Out”

Although there is no official word on Cara’s sexual orientation, she has previously enjoyed innocent lip-locks with other females such as Sienna Miller and Miley Cyrus, and has entertained lesbionic rumors concerning her friendships with Rita Ora and Rihanna.

MORE TONGUE!

MORE TONGUE!

Michelle Rodriguez recently disclosed her attraction for women to Entertainment Weekly in a groundbreaking move that garnered a significant amount of traffic to this website. The exact nature of her relationship with Cara remains characterized as “a friendship,” but many straight women have noted that sexual orientation would not impede their desire to engage in tribadism with Ms. Rodriguez.

If any further developments occur, you can rest assured that we will be “on it,” much like M-Rod’s leg was “on” C-Dev’s leg last night.

 

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Riese is the 33-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1782 articles for us.

69 Comments

  1. Thumb up 5

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    I opened my free morning commuter paper on the London tube this morning and saw a picture of Cara Delevingne at her “first ever basketball game” looking cosy with Rhianna! At the time I thought that was quite a hot pairing, and was quite pleased with the editors choice to include this in my morning but now…
    A) who would publish pictures of Cara and Rhianna just giggling when you could have Cara and Michelle making out??
    B) just how many basketball dates has Cara Delevingne been on this week?

  2. Thumb up 8

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    This gives me pause. Not the making out (go team!) but the fact the MRod has struggled with substance abuse in the past. I don’t know where she stands on that, but it would be really sad to see her coming out coincide with her falling off again.

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    Second pic with the smoke ring… UNNNF! I also enjoy how they are essentially rounding second base on top of people’s laps and with weird men sitting in front of them that are PRETENDING to not be in heaven. Props to those men for such strength because if it were me IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A VERY DIFFERENT REACTION LEMME TELL YOU. I would have brought shame to my family name today with these photos blasted all over everyone’s cover photos and background pictures.

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    You know when you have those moments *sniffs* when you are just one girl kiss away to be *takes a moment* so happy that something exists so drunk and beautiful…and drunk….

    *whisper cries*

    This is it.

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    Am I the only one who finds this whole incident straight-up offensive? As a bisexual woman who hates labeling myself as such because of all the shit that comes with it, this little piece out of entertainment gossip made me tear up in anger. I’m constantly arguing against the stereotype of us being slutty attention whores, and that’s exactly what these photos smack of. If they were just being drunk and making out, it would be great, but look at how they’re clearly getting off on the attention. They don’t even look like they’re enjoying it. I feel like this kind of exposure contributes to our marginalization. It makes me not even want to sleep with men because they expect that girls who want to fuck other girls also want to fuck them. Yeah, if you’re a straight up lesbian, you can laugh this off and say “dream on,” but for those of us who DO sleep with men, it’s a problem. I was also obsessed with M-Rod through a good chunk of my childhood and was so excited when she recently came out.

    Please someone tell me I’m wrong so I can stop experiencing heartbreak and rage every time something like this comes up. Just talk to me and help me understand. Sorry if this is incoherent, but I’m so upset I just want to cry (my hormones are off, so that’s not helping)

    • Thumb up 15

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      I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I am all-genders attracted myself and have definitely had these feels in the past about other people.

      But to say “ugggghhhh they’re just doing it for the attteennnntion” is also a) making some pretty big assumptions – really, they just look drunk to me and b) …so what if they are? That’s their choice. They’re grown-ass women and they can do what they want.

      It’s not our problem if people see one bisexual woman and assume they’re looking at all bisexual women. I mean, we can make the disconnect with straight people “behaving badly”, so I reckon it’s on them to get over their shitty assumptions.

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        Thank you. I was feeling a tad dramatic when I wrote that. You’re right… I can’t do anything about what they choose to do. It’s just so vexing when lesbians say (right in front of me) that they would never date a bisexual because they’re flaky and slutty. I can’t help projecting sometimes

  6. Thumb up 3

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    I think it’s pretty shitty that they have to see all this coverage of their drunken moment (or maybe I’m the one that feels a bit unconfortable with too-public-too-drunken displays of affection), but I’m having so much fun with the captions it’s almost worth it.

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    i think i’d love this way more if mz. rodriguez didn’t look so WBW, you know? like imagine being trashed out your damn mind, sloppy as all hell, and then the pics of that being everywhere. and THAT’S how everyone gets to see you making out w a model.

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    I’m kind of a fash heaux junkie and I follow the IG pages of every chick blessed by Lagerfeld, Bailey, Slimane, Pilati, and the like. And Cara is 6 months from being the new Freja Beha. The girl loving vibes are strong with that Delevingne.

    “Whaddya say after this we go home and watch Bette/Tina fanvids on YouTube and update our social justice tumblrs”

    laughs!

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