Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holigay Gift Guide 2014: What We Want


It’s the most wonderful time of the year! AKA the part where we tell you what we really really want this year. Considering how special each and every snowflake is who works here, there’s bound to be something in this guide for you, your girlfriend, all your gay friends, and maybe even one of your most badass family members. So let’s do this thing!

Carmen, Feminism and Straddleverse Editor


A F*cking French Press

It’s about damn time. I’ve got a Mr. Coffee K-Cup Coffee Maker on top of my fridge, a 12-cup Cuisinart Coffee Maker on my counter, and visions of good coffee and good mornings not being mutually exclusive dancing in my head. I used to have a pourover, but I left it behind at some point during my great adventure called college, and now I just want something that makes the right amount of coffee with the least amount of work. It’s time for a french press, preferably this Ovente FPT34 because I love pink and owning things that sound very serious.

An iPad

I’m not above it. After a few years with an iPhone 4 and an incident that left my laptop a little less than fully fuctional, I’m thinking of making the dive toward an iPad and buying a nice little keyboard case for it so that I can use it for everything, love it forever, and never let it die.

DKNY Underwear Forever

I feel like I ask for DKNY panties every year. I love DKNY panties.

Autostraddle Misandrist Shirt

I can’t believe I don’t own this yet.

The 2015 Desire Map Planner

If I could spend every day next year thinking about my dreams and goals, I think I’d probably be 100% happier. And if I continue to deny to myself how badly I’ve fallen into the Desire Map universe, well, then I am just lying to myself.

Carolyn, NSFW Editor

Blondo Frida Boots

I had a pair of almost-knee-height black leather winter boots that I wore, out of love and exuberance, when it was anywhere between minus or plus 30 degrees Celsius, and even though I’ve had them repaired twice they have died in a way that makes repair more expensive than they originally cost. Though I will probably mourn them forever I think these ones look like good replacements.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory

I like reading memoirs about things I don’t normally have to think about, and after reading Caitlin Doughty’s interview with the LARB I really want to read this one. Also for anyone keeping track I’m also into California Prose Directory 2014: New Writing from the Golden State, a fiction and non-fiction anthology; Pen & Ink: Tattoos and the Stories Behind Them, which I have seen all over the place but would probably not buy for myself; Spent: A Memoir, because I am really into Antonia Crane’s work for the internet and want to read a ton of her all at once; and Ayiti because it is by Roxane Gay.

Double Green Matcha Tea

Please buy me all the tea ever.

Maddie, Contributing Editor


Flannel Sheets

This feels like the adult version of asking for flannel pajamas. I have a queen-sized bed for the first time in my life (thanks, person I’m subletting this room from!) and it is the greatest thing ever. The only thing that would make it greater is if I had some bomb flannel sheets for optimal cozytimes.

Misandrist Tee

To wear while snuggled in my flannel sheets. And anywhere else.

Smartwool Socks

I don’t f*ck around when it comes to socks, but Smartwool is expensive, and so it’s an annual holiday ask. I especially need the thinner ones this year, because most of my thin socks have holes in them right now. Women’s size M, please.


I always want all the books, so here are four:

Starting off, to continue my political education about prisons and a future without them, I want Maya Schenwar’s new book, Locked Down, Locked Out: Why Prison Doesn’t Work and How We Can Do Better. I haven’t read Bad Feminist yet, and I am dying to. Then, I want to read Torch, which is Cheryl Strayed’s first book. Part of me wonders if it’s not very good, because I’ve never found it in any bookstores, despite the general ubiquitousness of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things, but Cheryl often feels sort of like a spirit guide to me, so I want to read it anyway, because I am sure it will make me cry happy and sad tears all at once. Joining them on my list is Eula Biss’s new book, On Immunity: An Inoculation, because Notes from No Man’s Land changed my life and my greatest dream is to write like she does.

Hannah, Contributing Editor

A Notebook That Doesn’t Get Lost

I recently resolved to plumb the depths of my “junk” drawers and scavenge the corners of my bedroom to find all of my old Moleskines. While I’m sure there will be endless pages of terrible poetry I don’t actually want to retrieve, I know there are some gems in there somewhere. Becoming an adult means learning to organize my life, and one way I plan on doing that is with this Moleskine notebook that comes with a subscription to Evernote.

I’ll finally be able to find that passage I was looking for without having to flip past the painfully saccharine love poems of October 2012.

The Best Pen On Earth

No writing will actually get done unless I have a lifetime supply of Zebra F-301 retractable ballpoint pens

Seriously, this pen is my creative muse. I need one million of them because they are always getting hijacked. I actually stole my first one from a lover and never looked back… hence the painfully saccharine love poems of October 2012.

Alternative Apparel Game Changer Hoodie

I really excited about the emerging leisurewear-as-outerwear trend. This futuristic hoodie/vest mashup

has got me hankering for some quality lounging about, sipping hot beverages and staring out of frosted windows time. Also it’s going to look swell layered under my blue leather jacket.

Alternative Apparel Slouchy Pants

I’m trying to will myself into a work-at-home situation by investing in some quality sweats. Hopefully it doesn’t work out the same way as the time I bought those hot pink running shoes as an incentive to start going to the gym. Either way, I’ll have some sweet Bieber-y sweats

Squishy-Soft In-ear Headphones

I’ve always enjoyed the look of over-the-ear headphones, and audio geeks always tell me over-the-ear is superior, but… they mess with my ‘do. Most in-ear headphones, on the other hand, make my tiny little ear canals hurt. These in-ear headphones by Bose are made of super squishy silicone that hooks around the inner folds of your ear really comfortably. They also make a noise-cancelling version for 170 extra beans.

KaeLyn, Contributing Editor


Luscious LUSH Dream Cream

Slather me in this, please. It is winter and my skin is itchy and parched and sad. This cream is so yummy and so gentle and doesn’t leave me all greased up. Lavender, chamomile, olive oil, cocoa butter, oat milk…so good I could eat it. I could probably eat iy, but it is not for eating, so don’t eat it, but if I was stranded on a deserted island with only LUSH Dream Cream, I would give it a taste.

My Very Own Misandrist Tee

I bought this tee when it first came out, but I miscalculated how it would fit and I got it a size too big. So I gifted it to a lovely queer friend who is rocking it hard. But now I don’t have my own and I feel empty inside. Must have, please.

MAC Rocky Horror Makeup

I am shivering with antici…PATION over the MAC Rocky Horror collection. I’ll take the Riff Raff eyeshadow pallette and the nail lacquer in Formidable and all four lipsticks and the It’s Not Easy Having a Good Time burgundy glitter and the 3D black glitter. Oh, Tim Curry, my creature of the night, my original queer crush, I just want to wear your face. Is that too creepy? Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?

This Weird Cake Mold

I just feel like this would be a really fun cake for the next potluck or birthday party. Imagine the cool “toppings” you could come up with! PBJ cake? Marzipan deli meat? Food-colored “ketchup” and “mustard” frosting? Om nom nom.

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  1. every year when we do this i am so jealous of other people’s finely-tuned commercial desires. y’all have such good lists! i need to get on your level, but first i wanna get that french press.

    • Man I could have kept going down that rabbit hole but I had to stop at some point both in terms of time wasted and selfishness…

  2. Rachel, Lynda Barry’s Syllabus is FANTASTIC! I am a gigantic Lynda Barry fan, I’ve even briefly met her and she’s more amazing in person than you might imagine! This new book of her’s is so inspiring. I follow the tumblr that most of the material in the book is from, so I’ve seen it, but put all together it made me so excited about creating things. I wanted to write a book after reading it. Its has so many wonderful writing exercises! <3

  3. Ooohh so many things to ask for. I second the bose headphones. I have the active one, it is sweat and water resistant. They are holding up really well after about 1.5 years of constant gym use.

    Also if you like boots you might want to take a peek at seavees.

    But what I want most on my list is for all of you to buy those YDY stickers!!!!!!!!!! =)

  4. wait

    MAC Rocky Horror Makeup?

    be still my femme and genderfabulous heart

    (KaeLyn, i feel your feels)

    • Hoopla Josee! I mean, like, I really really want it. And that is just a sampling of the full collection…!!!

  5. i thought smartwool was great until i was introduced to darn tough. they are made in vermont and, last i checked, have a lifetime guarantee. where all of my smartwool socks are filled with holes, my darn toughs are still super intact. y’all…these socks are amazing…also, i realize an unhealthy portion of my life is spent thinking about socks.

    • I used to sell hiking socks, amongst other things. I appreciate a good quality long lasting, comfy, wicking sock. On extreme PMT days when I was very stressed I occasionally would tear up selling particularly excellent merino wool based socks.

      And now I’m sharing this on the Internet.

    • Yes I got two pairs of darn tough socks two Christmases ago, they are still in perfect shape. They are also really cool colors!

    • Oooh this is good to know! I have generally been dismissive of DT socks because the only time I’ve had them they were sort of icky little sport socks that were too small, but maybe they are worth giving another shot!

    • Definitely putting these on my Christmas list! Continuing a trend from last year, when my brother gave me a pair of hiking socks and also a can opener that doesn’t work. This year, I’ll settle for socks with a lifetime guarantee, and he can keep his defective kitchen gadgets to himself.

  6. Yes to Hannah’s Zebra pen!

    Zebra pens made me realise it is possible to have strong opinions about a biro.

  7. The only enduring problem of flannel sheets now that I have a bed bigger than a twin (the dog has to sleep somewhere, yanno), is that all the cute fun flannel sheets are too small. :(

    • Go to target! My lovely gf just got the same red plaid flannel ones in the picture, and they are basically the greatest dykiest coziest thing ever and I love them

  8. I just, like a few days ago, learned that cold brew coffee is a thing and totally just bought that pot. Can’t wait to start whipping up homemade, dairy-free frappuccinos (in my new misandrist shirt!)

  9. Laneia! I have that bag! I rarely use it because it’s way bigger than I imagined in would be and it’s hard to get into on the go because you have to use the buttons. But it’s gorgeous and when I’m traveling, it holds all of my things without forcing me to lug a giant backpack around!

  10. and steph, i really want you to get that theremin!
    and bring it to a-camp
    and then serenade your cabin

  11. I second the Klipsch X11. I had the X5 before it hit its demise the second time in the wash cycle, and it is the best in ears I have ever used. They are so small, light and comfortable. I can only imagine how much nicer the X7(replaced the X5) and X11 are with the better quality cable. I may try and see if I can get the X7/11 cables swapped onto my X5.

  12. Fun update: a super awesome queermo friend who works for the National Book Foundation DID give me both those books for Christmas! She’s the bestest.

  13. How did I not know that Rocky Horror makeup existed?

    I’ll be off now, contemplating the general incompleteness of my life.

    Perhaps it’s shallow and materialistic to think that lipstick could improve my life . . . but I’ll never know until I try.

  14. Smart wool is the best and flannel sheets sound heavenly.

    Also, those victorian print doc Martens are so cute!

  15. Related: my Autostraddle underwear + Lumberjanes just came in the mail today and I am SO EXCITED, it is like early Christmas here!

  16. Riese, I have a copy of Infinite City that I bought for class a couple of years ago and haven’t really read since. It’s a little bent but in pretty good condition otherwise.

    Tell me an address and it’s yours.

  17. I have got to stop reading the descriptions of the books on these types of lists…it’s wreaking havoc on my savings!!

  18. I bought the Winterberry Tart Coat years ago (maybe 5?) and I STILL LOVE IT SO MUCH. It’s a gorgeous colour, a beautiful cut with a really fun asymmetric hem, a great collar that you can button up to your neck, cute (*hand made*) leather details, wonderful deep pockets, and is so flattering. I still get compliments on it, and it has held up to the test of time so well!

  19. I own those Victorian print Doc Martens and they are a staple of my wardrobe. I love the mix between butch and femme. I get compliments on them wherever I go :)

  20. Kate, you are a genius and I hope you get that Drake shirt because you truly deserve it.

    And Chelsey, I totally almost put Texts from Jane Eyre on my list, but I left it off because I already had too many things, so I’m glad you put it!

  21. Oh gosh I just put flannel sheets on my bed last night and it is THE best–not only are they incredibly soft but the weight also helps them stay where you put them, so even notorious sheet-twisters (…like me) wake up in properly layered bedding instead of in a tangle of whatever blankets didn’t fall off the bed. It’s miraculous, really.

  22. FYI I got those floral Docs last Christmas. They still are not broken in and I can’t wear them for more than 20 minutes at a time. It is tragic.

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