Letter From Your Editors

Hello! It’s me! I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet!

Goodness, we’ve been working our asses off this month, I can hardly believe we’re still breathing. We put out a call for Staff Writers and had over 550 applications. OVER 550 APPLICATIONS. I cannot even begin to tell you the degree to which we could not even.

First, ’tis the season to buy Autostraddle merch and so, in celebration, we present the Autostraddle staff sporting their favorite Autostraddle Merchwear:

The hardest part of this process was that 1) We became incapable of picking just two to three, 2) We had to turn down at least 150 people who would’ve been really great fits for Autostraddle (all of those people have been added to our rolodex in case we want to call upon their talents at some later date). But we narrowed it down to eight staff writers and we’ll see how it works out! We’ll also be bringing in a few new columns, and have reached out and will be reaching out to different writers for pitches.

We hope you’ve enjoyed the 30th and 31st editions of world’s favorite community newspaper, The A+ Bee, Julia Nunes and Jenny Owen-Youngs cover of “Walking With A Ghost,” and a star-studded A+ podcast featuring Janet Mock, Mey Rude, Gabby Rivera, Djuan Trent, and Abby and I’s trip to the Hallo’ween Haunted Greenfield Village. Also we answered like hundreds of questions you’ve been asking us.

Change is in the air. Alex is working on a new header design, this is our first Insider with all the new Cobalt members (HI COBALT MEMBERS!) and we’re excited for a bigger, brighter Autostraddle to bloom just as all the trees die and the midwest is engulfed in a giant sheet of ice. Watch this spot, y’all.

Love,

Riese

co-signed by Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

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Top 10 Most Popular Posts From October

These posts were hella popular this month.

1. I’m Not Happy About My Appearance in Ch4’s “Girls to Men” Trans Docuseries, by CJ
2. 43 of the Gayest Things You Fought About With Your Girlfriend, by Riese
3. “Carol” Is Even Better Than You’ve Heard, Is Maybe The Best Lesbian Movie Ever Made, by Heather
4. We Need Help: Now Hiring A Few Good Staff Writers, by Riese
5. 11 Vintage Vibrator Ads To Make You Glad You Live In 2015, by Carolyn
6. Gal Pal Watch: Is Kristen Stewart Single Or What? by Stef
7. What Do Women In Lesbian Relationships Fight About? by Riese
8. 82 Silly Household Things You Fought About With Your Girlfriend, by Riese
9. 26 Fantastic Excerpts From Your Coming Out Stories, by Riese
10. 9 Sex-Life-Changing Tips From “Girl Sex 101,” by Carolyn

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Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Mey: Lindsay Lohan Apparently Thought Dressing Up Like Sharon Tate on Charles Manson’s Birthday Was a Good Idea
Laneia: Lord christ there isn’t a single Lindsay Lohan headline that I’m ready for
Stef: I saw that! What a charmed life
I’m so happy I share a birthday with charles manson
maybe she was dressing up like Sharon Tate for ME did you ever think of that

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Stef: I love cool retroactive comments on posts like this one

New comment on your post “Wait, Are Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual And Kate Moennig Dating?

Stef: This is amazing
Laneia: LinkedIn!
Stef: Whoever finds kate moennig’s linkedin gets a cookie
LOL wait I found it in ten seconds
Emerald a has endorsed Katherine Moennig for several skills
Including boxing, fishing and road biking
and Emerald’s bio is really something, do these people not know what Linkedin is? Or do I not know what Linkedin is?

Laneia: I think we don’t know what linkedin is for
I think there’s a lot we don’t understand
Stef: I don’t know what i just read
Carmen: Did she list child abuse as a professional skill there
Stef: Yes
Yes she did
Shane hates child abuse
also her personal friends include Macaulay Culkin and many more
I am putting a summary like this at the top of my resume
Aja: I’m not drunk enough for that LinkedIn profile!
Laneia: Relevant Experience: Existed within several feet of Kate Moennig while shopping in a Whole Foods; maintained complete composure while snapping at least two in-focus photos.
Stef: She is known to have dated many gay and bi sexual performers‎.

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Riese: Is gayme corner weekly? Or biweekly
Laneia: Bi
Riese: Like rachel
Laneia: Mhm just like Rachel
Rachel: Gayme corner and I are entering into a bisexual polyamorous triad with Cara Delevingne
We would like to write for autostraddle as a unit
Riese: Oh we already have a triad who wants to write for us as a unit
thanks for the offer though
Rachel: Mmhmm they got the idea from us
we mentioned it at the poly triad meeting
Laneia: Ugh obviously it only works if you’re also kinky Rachel
is any one of you a furry?
at least
Rachel: Two of us are kinky but the third is sex-negative so we can only discuss kink issues via elaborate coded analogies based on My Little Pony
Riese: So Pony play
Basically

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Laneia: I just took a drink of wine and the dog barked so I jumped and spilled half of it down the front of my shirt so I’m in a romcom AMA
Heather: Your dog owes you several dollars now
Rachel: Do you hear a laugh track!
Laneia: I did yes
Riese: I laughed
maybe it was me that you heard
Rachel: Is your dog gonna pay for your dry cleaning and then ask you out to dinner!
Heather: Pretty sure CBS gets that pitch ten times a season
pretty sure they greenlight it at least twice a year
Rachel: All of the slippery slope arguments about gay marriage are finally coming true
Heather: THANKS LANEIA
Rachel: “Woman marries woman, enters into romcom relationship with dog”
Riese: “Racks up significant dry cleaning bill”
MILLENIALS!
Laneia: My dog is too dumb to ask me out. wouldn’t know a good thing if it was standing right in front of her.
Riese: Or in a glass in your hand
Rachel: What if I create an elaborate scheme where your dog loses its dog as a job unless it can convince you to love it in ten days
or break up in ten days? whichever
Laneia: and then I write about it for AS
Riese: I think she has to lose a dog in ten days
Rachel: Your dog has to turn into owen wilson within ten days, like a reverse animorph
Laneia: Wait I love Owen Wilson, how did you know that
Rachel: Your dog told me
Laneia: The LEAST she could do is keep my heterosexual crush secrets a SECRET

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Laneia: Hi @channel! Here’s the final list of gift guides for 2015! There’s a hella tight turnaround for three of you: I need volunteers to have their guide ready by Sunday night. If you’re able to, please let me know in the comments!
Carmen: I could do Rebel Girls by Sunday night! and flower power!
Laura: I can do cat lady by sunday night.
Carmen: Rebel Girls won’t be able to go up til wednesday though just a reminder!
Maddie: I will do Flannel Not Shirts by sunday!
Mey: Maddie, at first i read that as “I will not do flannel shirts by sunday!” and i was like, woah, I thought maddie pitched that idea? why is she so mad?
Maddie: hahahahaha
Yes, now I am against flannel. And that is how I chose to tell the world.

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Stef: Via Shilpa: so the straights found out about A-Camp and totally jacked the aesthetic:

Maddie: Stef, charge your phone
Stef: It’s not my phone
I WOULD NEVER
Maddie: Okayyy okay!
Laneia: I have some dying sunflowers that are more original and exciting than a bunch of fucking straight people in the woods

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Rachel: Oh my god this is an aside but Brittani looks so good in this merch post I’m going to puke
Laneia: True
Rachel: Sorry just had to get that out
Riese: #brittaninicholsheartthrob
Heather: SUCH a heartthrob
Rachel: Ha also I had forgotten Alex’s gravatar face looks exactly like a llama
this merch post is really making my day left and right
Yvonne: I think Brittani modeling the merch increased my excitement for the merch 100x more

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Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, NEW Staff Writer!

Twitter: @KaylaKumari
Instagram: @KaylaKumari

Riese is from Ann Arbor and went to U-Mich and wants to know what’s your favorite place to eat on campus.
Just a week ago, I returned to Ann Arbor for the first time since graduation. I went with my girlfriend, who had never been to Michigan before, so my tour consisted mainly of hitting all my favorite food spots. While I love a lot of Ann Arbor’s restaurants, my heart belongs to Aventura, a tapas bar and restaurant that opened up my senior year. I was one of their first regulars ever, and even though I hadn’t been back in over a year, the manager and a few bartenders recognized me. Aventura feels like home, and they make the best gin and tonic I’ve ever had.

What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Gina Linetti from Brooklyn Nine-Nine reminds me a lot of myself because of her love of dancing, wolves, famous women, and dramatic entrances.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
Back in the day when I still dated men, I showed up for a date with a guy who was reading Infinite Jest when I arrived. He definitely just wanted me to see that he was reading an impressive book. There was practically a spotlight on it. The date predictably just went more and more downhill from there. He said he didn’t own a television and doesn’t even like television, so we pretty much sat in silence. We did not go on a second date.

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
My favorite thing on the internet today is this TV spot promoting The WB’s programming lineup from 2000. I suppose the internet in 2015 has a lot to offer, but in my mind, nothing will ever top this video…although this NBC promo comes close. Why don’t networks promote all their shows at once like this anymore?!

What’s your morning ritual like?
The first thing I do in the morning is make a French press of coffee and a small breakfast—usually avocado on toast. In addition to coffee, I also drink juice and seltzer in the morning. I’m all about my beverages! I have a pretty extensive makeup routine that I won’t bore you with, but let’s just say I like to wear eye makeup that’s as dramatic as my personality is.

Who’s your favorite woman celebrity and why?
This is the hardest question, because I’ve idolized too many famous women my whole life. My old Tumblr from when I was a teen was all just pictures of celeb ladies I love. But if I’m forced to only choose one, I’ll go with Jennifer Lopez. I’ve loved the one and only Jenny from the block since about second grade. She’s multitalented and keeps it real, and in my very professional opinion, we are living in a J.Lo Renaissance this year. As a general rule, I love all famous Jennifers (Aniston, Garner, Beals, etc.).

Aisha Sabatini Sloan, NEW Staff Writer!

Who are your top three dream interview subjects?
At first, I think of the arts: Tilda Swinton, Adrian Piper, Claire Denis. But then I think: what about someone I’m truly mystified by? Like Mussie Zerai, this priest from Eritrea I read about in the New Yorker years ago who helps refugees and asylum seekers trying to cross the Mediterranean to get to Europe from Africa long before that became such a prominent global conversation. Then I think: what about my friends? My friend Logan would be a fascinating person to interview. About Canadian tuxedos and water conservation and how the two relate.

What is your favorite and least favorite thing about living in Tucson?
My favorite thing about living in Tucson is that you can’t come here without sweating your shit out. Every other person you meet is a healer of some kind, and whether or not you are into that sort of thing, you can’t exactly escape the vibe. Especially if you’re coming from a particularly urban environment: suddenly you are seeing hawks and coyotes and your day is punctuated by the sound of the train. My least favorite thing about Tucson is that I miss black people.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
The worst date I have ever been on involved premature shirtlessness (not mine; upon opening the door), the 1987 film, “Wall Street,” and some admittedly delicious kebabs.

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
My favorite thing on the internet today is that LeVar Burton video “Problems Only Book Lovers Understand.”

What’s your morning ritual like?
Brush teeth, make coffee, walk dogs, meditate, feel confused about why I’m so sad until I remember to eat breakfast.

Who’s your favorite woman celebrity and why?
Erykah Badu. I mean, she requires no explanation. But I will point out that the name of one of her books is “Kiss my Entire Spiritual Ass.” Also, I think she is very elegant about being openly and carefully spiritual when, as a culture, we have a lot of work to do when it comes to personal discipline and the actual practice required to be who you mean to be in the world.

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An Infographic Riese Made For You About Us

You may note that these numbers suggest I have written a post almost every day since launching the site, which feels true, and that Heather is already producing at a similar rate! We’re very busy and important.

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BITCHES LOVE LA CROIX

Maddie: Anyone have any good ideas for repurposing coconut la croix?
Laneia: You put it into my hand and smile and then I drink it and it’s repurposed into my body and organs? Is that what you had in mind
Maddie: I mean of course but also you are far away
If you want to meet me halfway, I would consider it. Somewhere in Arkansas maybe?
But like. my housemate bought a case of it and i don’t want to yuck anyones yum or anything but this stuff is gross and everyone in the house agrees
Yvonne: Has La Croix always been a thing?
this is a legit question. I feel like I see it everywhere now but I’m not sure if it’s like an inside joke or something that i don’t get
Maddie: that’s also a question i have
back in my day we just had seltzer
Yvonne: hahaha
Sadie: Its been around for several years at least
Its what fancy New Yorkers drink instead of water, or at least thats what I learned working in the film industry
Yvonne: Oh really? It seems very 90s suburban mom
Sadie: I was working in fracking country at the time so it may just have been a self preservation thing
either way Grapefruit is clearly the best flavor
Yvonne: Good to know!
Maddie: The coconut just tastes like a jelly bean!
I feel like maybe there is secretly some interesting gin cocktail to be made with it though
like a gin and tonic, but substituting the tonic for this coconut stuff
Laneia: I wish SO MUCH that i could come over and relieve you of your coconut La Croix!
It’s my favorite of them all
Stef: Oh I didn’t like the grapefruit at all
but I had a lime one i was ok with. and i hate seltzer.
Maddie: Feelings Atrium: La Croix
Laura: I’ve never heard of this
I am not fancy enough.
Ali: I have no idea what y’all are talking about, I’m with you Laura
Stef: It’s flavored seltzer that comes in a can
Bitches love it
they probably have it at your bodega
Laneia: BITCHES DO LOVE IT -confirmed bitch

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What We’ve Been Reading

Ali: The Lover by Marguerite Duras

Carmen: How to Be a Movie Star: Elizabeth Taylor in Hollywood by William J. Mann

Julia: The Best American Science Fiction & Fantasy 2015 ed. Joe Hill & John Joseph Adams

Maddie: Girls to the Front: The True Story of the Riot Grrrl Revolution by Sara Marcus

Beth: Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Laura: Necronomicon: The Best Weird Tales of H.P. Lovecraft by H. P. Lovecraft

Anna: The Gentrification Of The Mind by Sarah Schulman

Alley: Area X: The Southern Reach Trilogy: Annihilation; Authority; Acceptance by Jeff VanderMeer

Carolyn W.: The Vulture & The Nigger Factory by Gil Scott-Heron and Between Lovers by Eric Jerome Dickey

Gabby: The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson

Mey: Orange is the New Black: My Year in a Women’s Prison by Piper Kerman

Haley: The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer and The Happy Sleeper: The Science-Backed Guide to Helping Your Baby Get a Good Night’s Sleep-Newborn to School Age by Heather Turgeon & Julie Wright

Cameron: Alias Grace: A Novel by Margaret Atwood

Carolyn: The Pearl, an anonymous erotica magazine first published in 1879

Rachel: Benediction by Alice Notley

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MINI-INTERVIEW WITH A SENIOR STAFF MEMBER: HEATHER

What do you do in your job at Autostraddle?
I write things (a lot of which is about television), edit things, work with writers to develop things, Photoshop things, do social media things, bask in the glow of wit and compassion of our entire team on a daily basis, and feel guilty 24 hours a day for being so slow to respond to emails.

What is your favorite part of this position?
Everything is my favorite part of this position. Coming to work for Autostraddle was like finally arriving at Hogwarts.

What is something you dream to bring to Autostraddle?
My dream project is a series of interviews with showrunners responsible for our favorite queer TV characters over the years, where I ask them all the same questions, and compile their answers into a kind of anthology.

What’s the hardest part of your position?
I just want to do more all the time. I love this job so much and our readers and our staff and I just wish I could have ten amazing ideas every week and see all of them to fruition on our website. The constraints of space-time continuum and my own need to sleep to feel creative constrain me. I hate that!

Favorite online writer/editor / or like your hero?
Mey Rude is my favorite person writing on the internet right now. She has never recommended something I didn’t end up loving, and her insight into the way stories work and their impact on our culture, it’s just mesmerizing watching her talk through these things. She never turns away from writing the hard stuff, no matter how heartbreaking it is, but her ability to hope continues to win out and so she focuses on so much good stuff too. And Witch Hunt is just my favorite thing.

What do you wish people understood about your job?
That I want to give them every single piece of content they ask for, all of it, I truly want to give that to them, but sometimes there’s just not a way to make it happen.

Favorite snack to eat while working?
Chips and salsa.

What would be the song that a montage of you doing your job would be set to?
Spandau Ballet’s “True,” for absolute sure.

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SLACKERS

One of our favorite parts about Slack is the custom emojis it allows us to create. (You can see examples in our previous A+ Insiders!) This month, for the first time, Slack failed us. We overcame, though.

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November Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous [month]s Riese thinks you might enjoy.

Autostraddle Behind-the-Scenes #4: Team Meeting (November 2009), edited by Riese: This is a very important video about when we met Tess in person for the first time — none of us would be here without Tess, she was our original angel and she built this website and ran the tech side of things from 2009-2012 and also she knows how to motherfuck people and got fired from Hooters. Hear all about it in this amazing video from one of Alex and I’s many random trips to Los Angeles that year.

Occupy Movie Theaters: Breaking Dawn Part One (November 2011), by Lizz Rubin: LIZZ WENT TO THE MOVIES! “Featuring original illustrations by Lizz!”

I’m Not Broke As F*ck Anymore, Does This Mean I Made It (November 2013), by Carmen Rios – Carmen wrote about being broke as fuck and everybody was worried about her diet and then she wasn’t broke anymore and opened her heart right back up for y’all. Prepare to melt.

Get Baked With Autostraddle: Thanksgiving Edition (2010) – I don’t know I just thought maybe you’d want some ideas, wanna get a little creative.

Holiday Breakups: 10 Reasons To Buck Up And Do It (2012), by Gabby Rivera – “I’m sure you’ve got a dykeload of excuses for why it’s against the Queer People’s Commandments to break up, especially during La Navidad y La Turkeydad. Bring’em, because I’ve got ten fine rebuttals for each one. Let’s clear your dance card this season to make room for that foxy ass new queer just waiting to romance you on NYE.”

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The Most Popular Holiday Gift Guides In Autostraddle History (Besides The All-Team Gift Guides, Which Are Always The Most Popular)

It’s Holigay Gift Guide season! We love reading them, we love writing them, we love gifting them. But which ones have YOU loved reading?

1. Holigay Gift Guide: 59 Awesome Gifts For Book-Lovers (Besides Books), by Riese (2012)

2. Holigay Gift Guide: Choosing the Perfect Vibrator, by Carolyn (2013)

3. Holigay Gift Guide: The Most Interesting, Beautiful, Best Sex Toys, by Carolyn (2014)

4. Holigay Gift Guide: The Busiest Power Dyke You Know, by Lizz (2013)

5. The Nerdiest Holiday Gift Guide, by Whitney (2011)

6. Rebel Girls Holigay Gift Guide 2014: From Feminist Pillows to Misandrist Mugs, by Carmen (2014)

7. Nerdy Love Song: The Holigay Gift Guide, by Ali (2013)

8. Holigay Gift Guide: The Muggles Still Waiting On Their Hogwarts Acceptance Letters, by Heather (2014)

9. Holigays 2013 Gift Guide: 25 Sweaters With Cats On Them, by Lizz (2013)

10. Holigay Gift Guide: Sexy Sexalicious Sexathonical Edition, by Riese (2011)

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ALUMNI NEWSLETTER

Jamie J. Hagen, Contributing Editor, 2012-2013; Contributor 2011

What are you doing without us?
More writing! This year I had the opportunity to write the book chapter “The Revolutionary Possibilities of Online Trans and Queer Communities” in the book Gender, Sex and Politics: In the Streets and Between the Sheets in the 21st Century largely inspired by my time as a Contributing Editor at Autostraddle. I’m now in my third year of doctoral studies at the University of Massachusetts Boston researching homophobic and transphobic violence in conflict-related environments and the international response to this violence. I hope to begin writing my dissertation about this topic early next year while living in beautiful Jamaica Plain. I should also plug the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders where I volunteer once a week as an amazing resource and place to volunteer!

What do you miss the most about us?
So much! I loved pitching and publishing stories with Autostraddle but I also really, really loved engaging with the comment community and rave about it to anyone who will listen.

Would you invite us to your wedding, yes or no?
Totally. I’m not currently in the market for a wife but should I find one, I would like to cordially invite Autostraddle to attend.

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Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

The Complete History of Transgender Characters in American Comic Books by Mey

There’s no other way to say it: this post is amazing. One thing that’s neat about cultural study and criticism is that if you look at one thing long enough and in enough depth, it reveals tons of fascinating stuff about our world that transcend the genre itself. I don’t care about One Direction, but will I read a great essay about what One Direction’s popularity says about modern teen girlhood? I sure will. This is that essay for comics. By which I mean that Mey does an incredible job here mapping out the stop-and-go progress of trans people from amorphous concepts to characters with real lives within the world of comics, and that narrative is inextricably connected to our real world, and this whole piece is smarter and better researched than a lot of the texts I had to read during my absurdly expensive college education, and you should go read it right now.

10 First-Ever Lesbian Characters on American TV: Killers, Tramps, Thieves and Therapists, by Riese

This is an almost similar situation in that anything you think you knew about the history of lesbian representation on teevee is almost definitely not as wild as the reality but more importantly, this isn’t just about teevee and will explain a lot for you in terms of what the fuck was going on in the 50s, 60s and beyond with ideas of who lesbians were.

Making the Dive and Loving Myself Dangerously, by Gabrielle Bellot

Gabrielle’s writing is so beautiful and lyrical; every time I read her I feel totally transported and unaware of anything besides the essay. Whenever we get to publish things by here I want to run through the street like a six-year-old boy wearing a silly hat in a Dickens novel waving it around and yelling “read all about it!” Combined with the stunning illustration from Yao Xiao, you are really only hurting yourself if you overlook it, ya loons.

Why Lesbian Vampire Movies are Terrible but Also Totally Amazing, by Sara Century

Y’ALL I don’t think you understand how funny Sara is. Sara, who wrote this post, is like really really funny. She could write a post about the best way to peel and blanch asparagus, or the difference between wide-rule and college-rule notebooks, and it would be enjoyable. But this ISN’T about asparagus it’s about LESBIAN VAMPIRES. I’ll repeat that once more for the back of the house: lesbian! vampires! You are missing out by not reading this, you lovable lunks.

I Reclaimed Christmas with DIY Gifting: Here’s 6 Ways You Can Too, by Jasika Nicole

Sometimes I don’t read or engage with DIY stuff on the internet because it’s too unbearable for me to wallow in perfectly-curated, impeccably-lit lives where sea salt caramels are whipped up in an hour and a polished maple box is hand-carved to hold them because I haven’t even put on real pants today and I ate cold pasta for breakfast. Friends, I have nothing to fear here and neither do you, because that is not Jasika Nicole’s brand of DIY. This is both a DIY post and a really beautiful essay about home and identity and how hard the holidays can be, and how DIY means something really unique and personal to Jasika in relation to all that, and ALSO a recipe for GLUTEN FREE COOKIES. If you read this and don’t find yourself thinking “wow, I’m really glad I read this,” I will personally come to your house and let you tell me you think The X-Files are bad. It’s that serious.

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Aja’s Pick of the Month: Belle de Brillet

November’s saving grace has been its mostly mild, gentle climate. Many of us are now turning our attention to the grand old feast that kicks off the holiday season, and whether you take comfort from embracing or breaking tradition, are traveling or staying home, adult beveraging is one way to make merry. A seasonal favorite of mine is Belle de Brillet, a lovely pear liqueur that’s made by infusing Brillet cognac with the essence of Williams pears, plus a top secret ingredient. How many pears go into each bottle? Twenty pounds of pears! Our bar at home rarely sees encores of specialty liqueurs — Domaine de Canton, St. Germaine (both cognac based as well), and Lillet Blanc are exceptions — but I think we safely go through a bottle of this a year, usually with a batch or two of spiced pear sangria de cava or by punching up Sidecars and French 75s. It’s also nice just as a dash in a glass of bubbly and I think it’d do well in baked goods recipes, too!

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Social Media Spotlight: We Love You, Too, JSYK

I was reading an autostraddle thing the other day that brought up Folly J and I nearly pooped

— jasmo (@bipharah) November 14, 2015

One of my fave bits of Monday is reading @autostraddle's Lesbosexy Sunday in inappropriate places.

— JM (@jessicajmarie_) November 16, 2015

https://twitter.com/dottydresses/status/665122302477115392

Finally learned that when grumpy I can count on 3 things to cheer me up: rockin to gentle folk music, Harry Potter trivia, & @autostraddle

— Zippers (@ZipZipZips) November 9, 2015

two interviews and two assignment deadlines next week so obviously i choose to spend my time reading sex toy reviews on @autostraddle.

— Kate H B (@KateHB) November 9, 2015

autostraddle appreciation life

— Ro (@FUCKYEAHBITCH) October 27, 2015

my tweets may just eventually turn into me expressing hardcore love for the moon and whatever makes me upset. and autostraddle.

— 𝓙𝓮𝓶 (@eltonjohnii) October 27, 2015

https://twitter.com/lotuseatur/status/658645397846421504

I cut the sleeves off all my @autostraddle A-Camp shirts because I want everyone at roller derby to know I'm a lesbian

— Sadie Edwards (@sadie_shescrazy) October 25, 2015

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STEF HELP: AMERICAN GIRL IS MY ROOT

Stef: OneMillionMoms: American Girl Disappoints Conservative Customers
Maddie: I always did blame american girl for my gayness
Maybe we can counter-petition for a doll that has one million moms
Carmen:

“1MM supports adoption and taking care of orphans as we are biblically instructed to do in Psalm 82:3, but American Girl could have focused the article on the child and not about the parents since it is a magazine for children. The magazine also could have chosen another child to write about and remained neutral in the culture war.”

W O W
Stef: One million moms have nothing better to do?
wipe your kid’s nose and shut up
Carmen: I had two american girl dolls and one was lindsay, the modern american girl who had a laptop, a small dog, and curly hair. she also, according to the book she came with, was an independent spirit who didn’t like boys. is lindsay my root.
Stef: Yes
Carmen:

American Girl Wiki: Lindsey Bergman: “Lindsey Bergman was the first Girl of the Year released by the American Girl doll company. She was released in 2001 and retired in 2002. Lindsey Bergman just wants to help out and fix things. She tries to stop the Pet Parade, help two teachers fall in love, cheer up her uncle, and help out with her brother’s bar mitzvah. In her book, she learns that there is more than one way to make a difference. She is the younger sister of an older brother named Ethan, has a dog named Mr. Tiny…”

like guys her shirt says DOGS

Lindsey’s Meet Outfit: Green “dogs” t-shirt, Zip-up hoodie, Khaki short skirt, Striped tights, Red hiking boots, Red hair barette, White underwear

Yeah she is my root
Stef: Mr Tiny!!
She just wants to help out at the bar mitzvah
Carmen: Oh my God I became my american girl dog
minus the fact that she was Jewish
OH MY GOD I SAID DOG INSTEAD OF DOLL
Stef: HAHAHA
I was like
Carmen: STEF HELP
Stef: “Carmen became Mr. Tiny?”
he does have a kind of eli-esque aesthetic
Carmen: ps this was the dog:

Coconut (dog)
Coconut is a white Westie dog marketed as part of the My American Girl line of items. She was a mascot for the line (along with Licorice from 2003 to 2008), and still has prominence but not as largely as before. 2000: Coconut was released and marketed as a boy. He came with a wicker dog bed with a blue polkadot cushion lining, pretend dog biscuits and a rawhide chew toy for $16.

Mr. Tiny was not commercially available
I just remember I loved her laptop SO MUCH it was SO FUN it was A CLOCK
Laneia: Ok I just came here to check on the unread convo real quick and saw STEF HELP and read it as a take on “self help” and immediately wished we had a column devoted to STEF HELP
carmen: Oh my god
YES
Stef: Would it be ways in which you could help me
Or ways I would help other people
I could use a lot of help you guys
Laneia: No it would be ways in which you tell people how to help themselves. So like Rachel’s “Helping you Help Yourself,” but with more of a Stef vibe and maybe just a series of gifs or images with captions that get right to the heart of the matter. like “DON’T GO TO WORK LATE, ASSHOLE.” “SHUT UP AND WIPE YOUR KID’S NOSE.” “EAT THE KALE.”
Carmen: Or stories in which we learn from Stef’s own experiences how to fumble through this waking life
Laneia: “YOU CAN BUY THOSE PANTS IF A) YOU HAVE THE MONEY AND B) YOU WANT THEM. DON’T ASK FOR PERMISSION.”
Carmen: STEF HELP: What I Learned From Loving the Pizza Lesbian
Laneia: STEF HELP: L.A.? Nah.
Carmen: STEF HELP: How to Get Kicked Out of a Terrible Movie (co-author Carmen Rios)
I personally learn from Stef every day
Stef: This terrifies me

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XOXO

Team Autostraddle