43 Of The Gayest Things You’ve Fought About With Your Girlfriend

Already nearly 3,000 people have filled out our fight club survey, which means we’re gonna have tons of interesting data for y’all. If you’re a woman of any sexual orientation dating another woman of any sexual orientation then you should definitely fill it out, it’ll be open ’til the end of the weekend.

But already so many of the answers to “what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever fought about?” are just too golden to withhold.  So let’s get a preview of just how special everybody is with an intro listling: sentences ripped mercilessly out of context from the answers to our question about your stupidest fight. The gay ones.

43 Of The Gayest Things You’ve Fought About

1. She was reading Harry Potter fanfic instead of wanting to have sex with me

2. The possible growth in popularity of women’s soccer in the U.S.

3. Who the cat loves more.

4. Putting together an IKEA bed frame

5. Fucking IKEA, man. I can’t even remember why but I remember just leaving her in the middle of the store for some reason.

6. When I said that men are terrible and not worth the work of rehabilitation.

7. The tone of voice I used to ask her to go down on me

8. I asked if she wanted to watch a Hannah Hart video and didn’t listen to the answer

9. Whether or not David Bowie’s hair in Labyrinth was a wig

10. My partner wore the pasties I wanted to wear for Pride


12. I showed her the film version of “Rent” and she hated it so much that we didn’t even get through “Take Me Or Leave Me.”

13. Probably Pretty Little Liars (looking at you, Heather Hogan)

14. She got jealous when I said that Ruby Rose “wasn’t ugly”

15. Who liked Melanie Martinez first.

16. Judith Frank’s novel “Crybaby Butch”

17. Whether or not “The Object of My Affection,” starring Jennifer Aniston, is “a feminist film”

18. Whether or not selfie culture upholds or demolishes the patriarchy

19. The feasibility of being Xena Warrior Princess when we grow up

20. How remembralls in Harry Potter work – and we still disagree about whether there has to be a logical, believable (but magical, obvs.) explanation for how remembralls work, or whether they just work because they work.

21. Cause of moon phases (she was right)

22. The quality of an Orca documentary

23. She felt I was too excited when Ellen Page came out. She had a point, I was fucking thrilled.

24. Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass”

25. Shonda Rhimes

26. Bernie Sanders (I’m a Hillary-enthusiast)

27. Whether or not Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” is a good song

28. Virginia Woolf, but I stand by that one.

29. Whether or not bisexuals exist. Hello, I’m bisexual!

30. Whether “introvert” is a valid and unique identification.

31. The word “dyke”

32. Why I fold polo shirts instead of hanging them

33. Whether or not pants are a gendered item of clothing

34. Who’s job it is to take the CSA box to the car

35. Whether to buy organic peanut butter or Jif

36. I dropped my veggie burger on the floor and wouldn’t let my girlfriend share hers with me because I wanted my own

37. An armpit hair. She didn’t want to let me just peek at a really long one.

38. My partner assumed that because I’m the one who carries a purse, she could always put things in it

39. Who would get to wear what costume for a group costume at DragonCon the next year

40. A random girl at a party was wearing a similar vest as my girlfriend

41. “You’re prettier than me!” “No way, you’re prettier than me!”

42. A list on Autostraddle


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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3211 articles for us.


  1. My first instinct reading the intro to this was:
    “Oh, I must go and fill out this survey immediately because the way my gf at the time was FURIOUS with me for days when she was solidly ignored in favor of “Order of the Phoenix” is just too good to not share.”
    Well, looks like Harry Potter will need an extra category in the next sex survey…

    I also had a fight about which way I was wearing my Claddagh ring once.

  2. The Harry Potter ones aren’t me!

    I mean, my girlfriend and I did fight about Harry Potter this week, but not about fan fic or Remembralls. (We fought because she thinks Harry shouldn’t have had to compete in the Triwizard Tournament, even though the Dark Magic used to get his name in the Goblet of Fire created a BINDING MAGICAL CONTRACT.)

      • You don’t need a girlfriend for this kind of fight! I got into an argument with a very stubborn Gryffindor sales person earlier this week. I left the store and literally threw my hands in the air and looked at my mum and said “bloody Gryffindors!” while she shook her head and muttered about me being a typical Slytherin.

        Basically, I’ve consistently found that random people will almost always engage in Harry Potter discussions/arguments if you start them

    • OMG I totally agree with that. I have this theory that he actually DIDN’T have to fight, because he never put his name in the goblet, but that sneaky bitch Dumbledore said he had to so he could use him to make Voldemort reveal his plans.

      I’m of the opinion that while Dumbledore was a brilliant wizard, he was actually a moron when it came to being a leader, and am very passionate about my position on that, and will start a fight with anyone who disagrees.

    • Sorry Heather, I gotta agree with your girlfriend on this one. Yes, the Goblet of Fire creates a binding magical contract, but even in the wizarding world, there are underage wizards. As a minor (a wizard under the age of 17) Harry’s “signature” shouldn’t have been binding. Which is probably part of the reason only wizards who are of age are allowed to compete int he Triwizard Tournament.

      • Sure, Harry was a minor but that was just a legal term! So was Ron when his brothers almost made him into the unbreakable vow. It didn’t work only because they were interrupted by Arthur. Which shows that being a minor would be respected only by the community of wizards, and not by the magic itself, hence the magical contract still being binding in case of Triwizard Tournament! (DUUH)

        • The next thing to think about would be – if Harry entered a magical, legally binding contract which only majors can sign – does that not emancipate him in the eyes of the magical world? I always found it strange that for the purposes of the tournament, Harry was an “adult” and then, afterwards, he was just relegated back to being an adolescent.

      • Ok but the rules weren’t always 17 and older. They only changed it when they brought the tournament back in the book.

    • Heather, love. Since Harry didn’t enter his name, how can anyone say he submitted or agreed to any kind of binding contract? By that rationale, anyone could make anyone do anything! “I forged your signature on this contract, and there is literally no way you can get out of it. YA BURNT, HOGAN.”

    • this was the best comment read ever. let’s all have a harry potter roundtable where we discuss all things HP.

  3. My girlfriend wouldn’t let me go to sleep because I made an offhanded comment that I didn’t know how the cat felt because I wasn’t an animal….and then she had to explain to me that humans are animals, and I told her I didn’t think that was true because (at the time) I found evolution “implausible” and she lost it because she was a science major for two years in college before she switched to sculpture.

    FYI, I totally believe in evolution now.

    • My partner and I have been together 5 years and evolution is still the most heated topic between us. She was raised and home schooled by fundamentalist Christian parents and mostly rejects most of what she was taught as a child… but she still can’t quite get over evolution. We can’t go to any science or natural history museums without having a huge fight.

  4. 60% of the reason I broke up with my ex-girlfriend was cause she refused to sit through Rent cause it bored her and she wanted to make out with me instead. Like no man it’s Rent!

    • DUDE this exact same thing happened to me but with fucking A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN.

      i made her stop making out with me during the ‘no crying in baseball’ bit and she just shrugged and was like, “true.” i gave up.

  5. These weren´t with girlfriends, so much as with girls I was seeing but still:

    1. She said (for the second time): “I can´t take care of you now because I’m too tired. It’s your fault, you shouldn’t have made me c**”.

    2. I wouldn’t agree with her that her vagina was ugly.

    3. When I realized she wasn´t over her ex and was rebounding with me.


    5. When we got drunk and decided to process stuff passive aggressively at three in the morning.

    • Oh shit, I’ve said #1 multiple times (jokingly) to my current female associate. She’s finally realized it’s best to make me wait. After I have an orgasm I am just done, my arousal goes from 100 to 0, and I totally get sleepy. Which makes me the worst? I’m guessing most people get a drop in energy after they orgasm, but it’s the total lack of arousal that has me stumped for what I can do to fix the problem.

      In my defense, I am incredibly up front about it and it’s not that I won’t take care of her, it’s just that my, um, energy level is markedly different.

  6. A week or two ago we were re-watching Raising Hope and in the pilot Kenny Lodgins’ Danny’s Song (chain of love) is featured (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FDcTyyXQb8). I was crying and singing along, and she was all lolwut. I spent an hour explaining the song to her, and she says, I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO COUNTRY. I told her I thought a bit less of her as an American.

    I do not feel I was being hyperbolic.

  7. #41 is a trip because I’ve noticed with my relationships either romantic, casual, familial etc. this argument would come up and it is so crazy!

    Picture it, since the dawn of time in dealing with patriarchal bullshit:

    Woman does something to her appearance, other women comment passively-aggressively in order to asses their attractiveness relative to the woman that did something with her appearance.

    “Omg, those shoes look so good on you!”

    “Omg, they would look better on you, you have killer legs!”

    “Shut up, those shoes look better on you, you’re so pretty!”

    “You’re pretty!”


    *Both women make out*

    I had similar conversations and with my romantic relationships, this was part of some strange foreplay.

    “Girl you are looking sexaaaaaaaaaaay!”

    “No, you’re sexy!” *flirty eyes*

    *intense starring*

    *sexy times*

  8. “Whether or not Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” is a good song.”
    It is a good song. How you feel about it’s message is something else, but it’s a good song.

  9. Whether I should start sticking to a budget because I was stressed that the 3rd member of our polycule wasn’t working enough to contribute. I’m still not doing it, but she may have had a valid point about budgeting in general

  10. I am weirdly proud to have made it on the list. Now do I tell my sweetie about making it or not?

  11. I called her dramatic for flouncing off in the middle of an argument. And by “flounce,” I mean exit a moving vehicle in traffic.

  12. I fear that my lack of interest in all things Harry Potter related will prevent me from long-lasting queer relationships.

  13. These are excellent. And I’m intrigued by no. 32, what is the argument for folding polo shirts??

  14. I filled this out and said my partner and I hadn’t had a fight. That was before we watched “The Kids are Alright.”

  15. Half of these issues are kind of funny, depending on whether the fight is swiftly followed by sulking and pouting, or divorce.

    Anyway, one of the fights my ex wife and I had was she decided to test my skiing ability (I hadn’t skied in 25 years, but I had strong legs from the gym), she was on her snowboard, by taking me down an intermediate run that was icy and treacherous looking. I remember watching my ex wife easily curve into the run and then smile at me still up the top and urging me to come down, that it was ok, I’d be fine. I pitched a cry-scared-semi furious very frustrated tantrum and took my skis off and slid down the slope on my bum throwing my skis in front of me. When I got to the bottom I told her “That is deal breaking right there. Divorce material. Don’t do this to me again”, she obliged.

    On the actual deal breaking front, I am an animal rights vegetarian, she was once vegetarian, but began eating meat again, which I was fine with, she was an excellent cook and made everything vegetarian most of the time. We had married by then, and were considering getting animals on a bit of land. I make friends with any animal, (except snakes/crocodiles/reptiles which we don’t have in NZ anyway TG), and would only want animals as rescue animals that “we” could care for. My ex wife wanted animals to raise, give a good life to, ie free range on land and provide shelter to, but then slaughter. I could not do this. She could not let me cramp her style. Deal breaker.

  16. 39. Who would get to wear what costume for a group costume at DragonCon the next year

    What group cosplay? Did you go this year? It was my first. True story: when my friend and I were walking to the back of a line for a WH13 panel, this one girl totally pegs us as gay and repeats “gal pals? gal pals?” at us until we notice and then she hands us a flyer for a femslash convention in LA.

  17. I would never fight with a female-identified partner over #19, I’d just best her in lightsaber duel thus ending the argument. However if she would still refuse to accede I could always do the war cry at random and unexecpted times till she caves.

    Oh…wait that was “The feasibility of being Xena Warrior Princess when we grow up” not something to the effect of WHICH one of us could most feasibility be Xena the Warrior Princess when we grow up.
    Whatever, what I said still stands for that too, and I have sword with and over shoulder scabbard.
    So there.

  18. Me and my partner fought over an easter egg. Yep, an egg filled with candy. My partner had hid it somewhere in their apartment and told me to find it. Since I’m very uncomfortable with poking around in other people’s stuff I didn’t find it, my partner thought I was lame and uninterested and the whole thing almost led to us breaking up.

  19. #38 is so annoying tho! Get your own goddamn purse! I thought I got rid of this problem when I quit dating men, but butches are just as bad. #femmeproblems

    • LOL #38 was me! We typically have very few gendered arguments, but this one was a blowout.

      We were at the first rest stop into CT, exit 2 on the 95, when she got pissed off that I got pissed off that she’d asked me to hold her sunglasses in my purse…AGAIN. CT has 99 exits. We drove the remainder northward in stony silence. CT is an extremely long state.

      Then we made up in the parking lot of a Stop & Shop outside Providence and she understood why it made me so upset. And has been respectful about purse privileges ever since.


      like how am i supposed to have room for the 7 lipstick tubes i must have on my person at all times if you keep trying to put your keys and wallet in my purse

  20. Surely I’m not the only person who wondered “what DOES cause moon phases?” and rushed to look it up!

  21. This reminds me that my gf and I fought over whether or not she could be considered a Harry Potter fan. (she hasn’t read all the books! clearly the answer is no.)

  22. I forgot to mention that when I took the survey but we fight way more when we are both PMSing at the same time

  23. Whether or not it is okay to write your CV in Comic Sans. OF COURSE IT’S NOT WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU??? (anyway it led to a big screaming tantrum… god i’m glad to be out of that one)

  24. One of my most memorable fights was over how much water I was using bc I didn’t turn the water off while soaping the dishes- my partner at the time cried because apparently I didn’t care about the environment enough, which meant I also did not care about her enough. Good times.

  25. 38. My partner assumed that because I’m the one who carries a purse, she could always put things in it


    In my answer to this survey question I put:
    ‘My partner got angry because I assumed I could put my things in her purse’


  26. I once nearly killed my girlfriend in an Ikea because I couldn’t tell if she was measuring in inches or centimeters.

  27. Whether or not an emergency period attack was a valid enough reason to leave Staples while in the process of picking out a new planner. Turns out it was a false alarm period.

  28. It would be great if you could put a trigger warning in for biphobia. It kind of sucks to be reading a really funny list and then out of nowhere see a comment that invalidates your identity as a human being.

  29. I’d like to record here, for posterity, that my newish ladyfriend and I just had our first serious disagreement, and it was about whether Sappho was a lesbian or not.

    • (I said yes, since I subscribe to an expansive definition of lesbian, and also Sappho Was. From. Lesbos. She said no, because homosexuality as we understand it was socially constructed in the 1850’s and so Sappho had no context to understand herself as such. I said “gay” and same-sex attraction are basically synonymous. Etc. etc.)

  30. To #11: You are definitely right, because black cats are the best, but if you’re trying to avoid obvious cat hair on your clothes give up. It will never work. No matter what color cat you have and what color clothes you wear, there will always be those few contrasting cat hairs that will end up on your clothes.

  31. One time we got into an argument about whether the adorable noises my cat was making could more accurately be described as “brr-ramp” or “purr-ow”.

  32. Me and my ex both sleep on the same side of the bed in our own respective apartments. So when I’m at HER place and she wants to be the little spoon (which i don’t mind), I tell her that I need to be on the left side or I won’t be able to sleep. I can’t sleep laying on my right side. But SHE wants to stay on the left side and gets upset that after 10-15 minutes I let go and rolled over. I don’t think we ever solved this argument for the entire year we were together.

  33. biphobia alert, biphobia alert!

    This post is back in “from the archives” and I’m pissed, because #29 is “whether or not bisexuals exist.” What the hell? Erasing the sexuality of a huge swath of people (including a huge swath of Autostraddle readers) isn’t a joke, and it serves as yet another example of biphobia in spaces that are supposed to be safe for bi people. Even on a website with bi staff and bi readers, we still can’t feel confident that our identities will be respected. Even among women who are supposedly “like us,” we are told that we are not only unwelcome, but that we actually don’t exist.

    We are part of your community, and we deserve better.

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