Nerdy Love Song: The Holigay Gift Guide

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This is a gift guide based on DeAnne Smith‘s viral video, “Nerdy Love Song With Added Kitten Bonus.” If you haven’t seen that video yet, here it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkWy8nRWPGk

You’re welcome.

For an added texture, scroll down while the song is playing!

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

f151_abacus

Japanese Soroban Style Abacus, $14.99

 

And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you, but I will say less than 3, I less than 3 you.

f356_showyourwork

Show Your Work Tee, $14.99

 

Your molecules must be moving really quickly, ’cause girl, you’re hot.

caffeine_molecule_necklaceCaffeine Molecule Necklace, $84.99.

 

Are you igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary? All I know is, baby, you rock.

agate-bookends

Agate Bookends, $65.99.

 

If god existed, I’d thank him for you but I’m rational and I read (a lot of) Sam Harris.

sam-harris

Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris. $11.38.

 

You’re beautiful like the font of Garamond but I wanna see you sans serif.

garamond

Garamond Tee, $25.

 

(take your pants off)

dino-unders

Dinosaur Underwear Three Pack, $32.

 

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

calculator-notebook

Round Up Your Thoughts Calculator Notebook, $14.99.

 

I observe your quarks oscillating, and I’m formulating a g-string theory.

little-book-of-string-theory

The Little Book of String Theory by Steven S. Gubser, $18.29.

 

I’m an archaeologist and I’m gonna compute your age, yeah, I wanna absolutely date you.

pergamon

 

Pergamon Board Game, $54.99.

 

You make me feel like a male giraffe. I wanna nudge your rump, make you urinate, and mate you (that’s what they do).

giraffe-kigurami

Giraffe Kigurumi, $39.

 

The value of my love for you cannot be expressed exactly. It’s more irrational than pi.

michigan-4-berry-pie

Achatz Pie Handmade Pie Company’s Signature Michigan 4-Berry Pie, $39. Or you can set up a Pie of the Month Club with My Sugar Pie.

 

Hey “Fuck” is a legitimate word in Scrabble, just FYI.

DSC_0635

Make this thing with your hands! Thank you Hansen!

 KITTEN BREAK!

Donate to the ASPCA in honor of your special someone.

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

cute-astute-necklace

Cute and Astute Necklace, $99.99.

 

You can suck me into the supermassive black hole at the center of your galaxy (I’m talking vagina).

Glow-in-the-dark-galaxy-boy-shorts

Glow In the Dark Galaxy Boy Shorts, $23.99.

 

I may not be the biggest or strongest but my knowledge of grammar shines –

grammar-dessert-plates

Grammatically Correct Dessert Plates (set of 4), $49.99.

 

I know how to use the words further and farther correctly every freaking time.

poor-grammar-book

I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar by Sharon Eliza Nichols, $9.99.

 

Farther indicates physical distance –

map-wall-hanging

1825 World Map Print, $194.

 

– and further a depth or degree.

efa7_digital_protractor_inuse_wood

Digital Protractor, $19.99.

 

Example: the moon is getting farther from the earth about 4 centimeters annually (true fact).

f39b_rock_from_moonHoly Crap You Guys It’s a Rock From The Moon! $24.99 – $169.99

Example: you just keep getting further into my heart –

DSC_0778

Make this thing with your hands! Thanks again, Hansen!

Wait: you just keep getting farther into my heart –

ldr-heart-pillow

Customized Long Distance Relationship Pillow, $50.

No, wait: you just keep getting further into my heart –

ec48_pixel_heart_heat_changing_mug

Pixel Heart Heat Changing Mug, $11.99.

Hang on: you just keep getting farther into my heart –

coeur-values-tray

Coeur Values Tray, $21.99.

 

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

f21a_equation_watch_v2

Equation Watch, $29.99.

If the situation is ambiguous further and farther can be used interchangeably (that’s a rule! I knew that all along).

painless-grammar

Painless Grammar, $11.33.

 

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

math-bow-tie

Math Equation Bow Tie, $13.99.

And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you but I will say I less than 3 you.

robot-card

Robot Less Than Three You Card, $4.00.

(please take off your pants)

131f_adventure_time_seamless_boyshorts

Adventure Time Boy Shorts (set of 3), $17.99.


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Profile gravatar of Ali

Geekery Editor for Autostraddle, Part-time Faculty at The New School (teaching digital storytelling), Managing Editor for Scholar & Feminist Online at Barnard Center for Research On Women. Follow me on Twitter @AEOsworth or on Instagram, also @AEOsworth.

Ali has written 480 articles for us.

45 Comments

  1. 0

    This was excellent. Well done!

    Also I may or may not have bookmarked some of these items for long-distance girlfriend’s Christmas gift 😛

  2. 0

    I never knew I could want a package of underwear so badly. Dinosaurs. Ridiculously comfortable Topman trunks. Ugh. Somebody wanna play Santa?!

  3. 0

    This is amazing. Also while watching the nerdy love song video, my cat came over and fell asleep on my lap. DeAnne is kitten bait is what I’m saying.

  4. 0

    This is so supremely useful because I have a brother in a PhD math program who I have no idea what I buy for. He’s not queer, but it doesn’t matter. For all the unanswered questions in my life, Autostraddle will provide.

Comments are closed.