It’s been a busy week for anonymous sources in Hollywood, what with all the tongue-wagging and speculation about Kristen Stewart and Alicia Cargile. Although the two confirmed gal pals used to appear in public often, dressed comfortably, sometimes holding hands, boldly showing the world how friendly they were towards one another, it seems that the pair haven’t been snapped by paparazzi in weeks. Because Kristen has made it abundantly clear to the press how much she enjoys having her private life dissected by tabloids, it’s awfully surprising that the pair would suddenly start keeping things so low-key. (Ed note: this is sarcasm.)
According to the tasteful reporters at Radar, Kristen and Alicia appear to have amicably ended their relationship, citing Stewart’s busy schedule of sulking, scowling and hanging out with wolves as the main cause of the breakup.
A source tells Radar, “They have a lot of love for each other and they always will, but Alicia does not want to be a part of her jet-setting life anymore. They had come to an understanding that this could simply just be a case of the right person, but wrong time.”
As we all know, there is simply nothing worse than being with a partner who expects you to jet-set all the damn time! “I’m sorry, babe, but I don’t think I can deal with another party on yet another boring yacht. I’m so over all the champagne on the private plane, can’t we just stay home and watch Empire or something?” Come to think of it, they do seem to spend an awful lot of time walking around LAX together…
Other publications go on to speculate that there might be a third party involved, since Kristen Stewart cheated on a person once and it was a whole thing and clearly she can’t be trusted to stay loyal to any partner ever again.
Later, Enstars followed up with yet another anonymous source (a very lucrative field in the greater Los Angeles area), this time with a firm rebuttal.
“Kristen and Alicia are first of all best friends and as far as them ending their relationship, it’s absolute nonsense. Kristen would never end her relationship with someone over a busy work schedule anyway. She has always made her relationship with Alicia a priority and they have a very smooth, understanding relationship.”
Phew. We here in the Autostraddle Vapid Fluff department are deeply invested in the continued romance between these two, and we can only pray that their love burns eternal. If there’s any justice in the world, the pair will emerge from their presumably very sexy hideaway, beanies a-slouched, lattes firmly in hand, ready to awkwardly avoid attention from the adoring public. Guys, I’m so sorry we’re like this. Godspeed, you crazy kids.
Kristen has never been in a romantic relationship with Alicia. They are only friends and Kristen is NOT a lesbian. She may have cheated on Rob but he also cheated on her first with Katy Perry and even now he is cheating on his fiancee twigs. I can only hope that she and Taylor become a couple. He is such a good guy and would be good for her. She is such a beautiful talented young woman and I wish her only the best.
That’s it Brenda. They’re gals being pals.
You should be a comedian Brenda.
Oh so THAT’S who she was talking about in the interview with Nylon when she said she wasn’t hiding her relationship! Since her and Taylor have been out and about so much together. Glad someone cleared that up!
Brenda, you know you’re on a site primarily for lesbians and otherwise women-loving-women, right?
I also think Kristen Stewart and Taylor Swift would make an excellent couple.
Isn’t Taylor Lautner gay? He’s like two years younger than Kristen, and I remember her saying he was like her little brother. His career isn’t going so swimmingly well. He came to support her at her AU premier but I think she was hoping it would give him a little PR boost. As for the cheating thing. I saw the video dissecting it as a fake and I’m not totally convinced it wasn’t. As for Katy Perry, she’s a couple years older than Rob, they’re friends and she’s said she think of Rob as a brother. If either Kristen or Rob wanted to be with either of them, they would have before now. Can’t anyone be just friends? Does it always have to be a romance? What’s so funny is that everyone wants to fix Kristen and Rob up with everyone but each other. Why do people hate the idea of Rob and Kristen working together? I thought they worked really well together. They never say anything unkind about each other. In this age of technology, who knows…maybe they are friends. Why are there so many Kristen and Rob haters? They’re older now. The past should be dead, so maybe they’re friends. I’m best friends with my old girlfriend. What’s the big deal? What happened in the past should be dead and old news. I’m not sure why they still mention it. It’s trite, boring and has nothing to do with the present.
Paul, how did you comment on a tongue-in-cheek article about two women/gal pals and make it so seriously about blokes? I’m going to say that’s a fail of my inner bechdel test.
Paul, honey, are you lost? You seem lost. Do you have a map? I can draw you a map if you don’t have one.
oh brenda i like you so much
This comment was something truly special.
I think this whole thread deserves a comment award, or at the very least Brenda for her epic fanfiction.
Paul and Brenda are two sides of the same coin.
Just here to right some comment fanfiction
i’m shipping paul and brenda
Actually Paul and Brenda never really dated, they were just friends. I feel like I know them really well personally, because I read about them in Star Magazine.
I was confused at first then when Paul added, “Isn’t Taylor Launter gay?” I sat up with interest only to find that yes, this is the other side of what brenda said in the beginning.
I think something special is happened in these strange heterosexist comments we are reading. Now, what is missing is a Taylor Swift song and by missing, I really mean, “oh god, no no no no.”
This is a very important article.
The prospect of the two of them being separated meant I had to go for a long walk this morning…
I have VERY high hopes for this comment section. A+ level journalism – this is the Autostraddle I know and love. :)
I really appreciate your artist’s rendering of the couple, Stef, I think you have a promising career ahead of you as a courtroom sketch artist
It seems clear to me that Kristen and Alicia have a Schrödinger’s Relationship where, if it is not observed and obsessed over constantly by hordes of paparazzi and celebrity commentators, then they are in fact still together and broken up at the same time.
Quantum lesbianism is real.
queer science jokes are the pinnacle of all humor achievement.
You have done it again, bravo.
quantum lesbianism! yes.
OOOOHHH! “Quantum lesbian” is my sexual orientation. It can neither be confirmed nor denied that I am a lesbian; therefore I am both a lesbian and not a lesbian. (i fly under the gaydar thanks to past heterosexual relationships, and a very prolonged questioning, and never having come out as “gay” only as “i like girls”, and also the blending of millenial and queer culture)
This explains so much about my life. Thank you thank you.
What a time to be alive !
*best *comment *evrrrrrrr
I just realized why Kristen Stewart always looks so familiar. She’s like if Grumpy Cat were a hot girl.
(In a good way)
i burst out laughing.
This is genius
They both appear to like boxes.
I will light up my lifesaber and place it at the foot of my Alisten altar in hopes that these 2 gal pals can stick it out! Let us pray …
LIGHTSABER you dumb ass phone..
FINALLY real hard hitting investigative journalism that changes lives for the better. My life was losing purpose not seeing pap pics of these two sweetie’s getting coffee every effing day. I will henceforth seek solace in my charity work and friends. So long girls :)
I was in the same sushi place as Kristen Stewart last week. There’s a joke to be made there.
I remember reading back in 2014, in The Stir, a statement by Kristen saying she wasn’t gay but if she were she’d admit it. I couldn’t figure out why the rumor took on a life of it’s own that she was gay. She supports gay rights. Alicia is a producer, and she has a partner. (re: twitter) She was helping Kristen with some project, thus the morning walks for coffee, which got crazy. I think this whole thing has been misconstrued. I see it as Kristen reacting to the press because they were so obsessive following her every move, more than they do now. She has been single minded about pouring her effort into her career and apparently it’s paid off. Kudos to her for working on herself, and not thinking she had to focus on a romance. She recently said her breakup killed her. So she had the sense to pull herself together and come out a whole person. She’s doing fantastic. So good for her!
Oh dear. Kristen said point blank in Nylon that she’s not hiding her sexuality/relationship with Alicia. And I quote, “Google me. I’m not hiding.” I don’t know why people are expecting her to make some formal statement in a press conference before they choose to believe her. She’s just not the type.
Are the people who think Kristen Stewart is straight the same people who ship Ezria?
I had the worst day but this post made me laugh. You inspire the masses, Stef.
This post and the comments section was the best literature I’ve read today, thank you Stef, Brenda, Paul and Gage.
…I’m sorry but I just don’t think stuff like this is okay. If Kristen isn’t straight and the press is constantly trying to snoop into her personal life to see if she’s single or has a girlfriend, it’s actually putting her in danger by essentially outing her to the world when she clearly doesn’t want to be out. And, at the least, it’s disrespectful as hell to her wishes.