Thanksgiving Open Thread: Time to Stuff a Tofurkey With Your Feelings

Every holiday we host a rousing, jubilant open thread wherein you can escape various unsatisfactory environments for a more satisfactory virtual environment and/or share the joy of the holiday season amongst friends. Perhaps you’re celebrating your first one as openly gay/vegan/Canadian or bringing your ladyfriend home for the first time. Perhaps you’ve made the best pumpkin pie or quinoa and now nobody cares anymore that the closest you’re getting to turkey or a man this holiday season is impregnating your lez-self with a turkey baster.

Any uncomfortable conversations about how Occupy Wall Street is a bunch of lazy stoned hipsters with no real message? Have you birthed a gluten-free child? Does everyone love/hate your alternative lifestyle haircut? Did you snag tickets to The Muppets MovieAre you dying of excitement for Black Friday and Small Business Saturday, wherein we will begin to unveil the most fantastic assortment of holiday-ready merch in the history of Autostraddle!?!? You know how we do: changing history to enable the future, etc.

I have a Canadian girlfriend, Berkeley Bowl is closed, and my usual Thanksgiving Compadre, Haviland Stillwell, is in Savannah, which is unfortunate, because we’ve spent at least five Thanksgivings together. It’s very meaningful for us because we both hate Thanksgiving ’cause the whole point of it is just to eat a really big dinner full of foods we don’t actually like. Haviland only eats sticks and leaves, and I won’t eat animals that look like animals, so there you have it. Last year I kicked off Thanksgiving in the emergency room of Highland Hospital and then proceeded to have a lovely holigay with Haviland, Marni and Ashley, complete with lesbian folk-rock music and kale. We played frisbee in the street. At some point I was wearing a dress. Look, it’s Charlie Brown!

Here’s a quote from last year’s open thread, to inspire you:

“My family is crazy.
I’m not out to them yet.
But my grandmother likes my tattoo and there’s beer. A refrigerator full of beer.”

– Mr. Z

Also, we want you to know that we’re thankful most of all for you. Yup. You. And if you’re ever in need, you know where to turn…

OK TALK. The first three people to comment with an actual email address and an actual comment will get a special 30% discount code to buy shit at the autostraddle store this holiday season.

Mhm. Just wanna shake things up a little.


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240 Comments

  1. cried on the way to the restaurant we eat at every thanksgiving with the rest of my family.

    then at thanksgiving my grandmother said “you know what, lauren, i mean this in the best possible way. your haircut is really PUNK ROCK”

    and then when i was leaving she said she’s there for me no matter what.

    today i learned my family is okay with be being a big homogay with a lot of feelings all of the time.

  2. I’ve felt like I was about to puke all day because I ate too much on top of accidentally eating gluten yesterday which makes feel like I’m gonna puke anyway.

    basically, the only positive was good food and my special friend liked my dress. and i’m going alpine sliding tomorrow. woo!

  3. Well I’m just waiting on the GF to take the plastic off the tofurkey and dig in! We’ve had a long month; last week we spent time with my fam in Ohio …. watching my dad get married for the 3rd time. Ouch. So it’s wonderful to have some alone time with the girl. Oh, and we’re moving next week so we’ve been on a packing spree. We went for a run in the neighborhood and now we’re ready to eat and snuggle up :) Holidays are stressful with my family, so I enjoy moments like today where we can just be alone and not have to deal with drama!

  4. I am drinking a lot of brandy with eggnog and it is good. Definitely helping with this MUCH TOO LONG Thanksgiving. Also with the knowledge that my work shift starts at 1:30am. TARGET ARG.

    ALSO I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. *drunken hugs all around*

  5. I am watching my parents scream at each other across the phone, got all kinds of threatening texts from my ex’s sister today and got to listen to a big homophobic rant. So, I am very thankful for wine, and autostraddle tonight.

  6. Tonight my liberal grandparents came over. Thank god. The rest of my family is Catholic and I haven’t seen them since I came out, so…I can just hear the questions at Christmas now, “Why are you wearing a skirt if you’re gay? Do you wish you had a penis? Are you SURE you are gay?” And my mom said I have to be polite. We will see. Do another open thread for Christmas please :P

  7. this year i am procrastinating work on my imminently-due grad school applications to catalog all the expendable books/dvds i’ve left at my parents’ house, in order to see which ones are worth trying to sell on amazon. (for prices under $10 their commissions are a bitch…help a suddenly funemployed girl out, amazon.)

    unfortunately i also do not have any, uh, herbal appetizer this year, but i AM grateful that my family is cracking up playing wii with my girlfriend and i am about to eat some leftover-fake-turkey-with-mayo-on-squishy-white-bread sandwiches which are THE BEST PART OF THANKSGIVING. my sis and my gf agree on this; we have an annual after-dessert tradition.

    • My dad called me a month ago to say he found a stack of old VHS tapes, including “Frankenhooker”, and wanted to know if they were mine. I said I couldn’t recall. He said he’d save it for me anyway.

      I’m thankful for my awesome parents, and jealous that you’ve already reached leftover sandwich time.

  8. I am going to celebrate Thanksgiving a day late, in Seattle (where I do not and have never lived), with Canadians. Slightly incongruous and hard to explain, but fun.

    I am thankful I have a full scholarship, a strange but loving family, and a partner as queer and magically gendered as I am who helped me celebrate the day before Thanksgiving by watching Pulp Fiction with me, having copious amounts of sex, and then eating cereal and cuddling together at two in the morning.

    Currently I am wondering how much I’ll be able to hoard food all to myself as the only veggie dinner attendee, and whether or not my family will let me drink around them now that I’m in college.

  9. I was always made to feel like shit by my mom, who thinks I don’t care about “family,” but today I realized that family doesn’t have to be the people who are related to you by marriage or blood. They can just be the people who get you best and love you in spite of all your shit, and I have that, and I care about them too. I’m grateful to my biological family because they at least have to pretend to tolerate or love me, but ultimately they don’t know me, and they make hateful comments every year which makes me know that a vast majority of them would never accept the real me. So thanks to Autostraddle, my friends, and the queer community at large for helping me feel welcome.

  10. I livec in Canduh but that doent mean I crant b drunk with the west of you. But like toally baffled that you theres thanksgivings with snow on the ground. we have stnow here. Also misldy nostlgic for my homophoby, racisty +oth bigoted catgorys fmailty cause Im writing termpapiers up nortyh and i lieks verbgal sparring matches (BUT BETTER WITH THE GIANT QTIPS ZOMG)

  11. I am motherfucking thankful. Thankful for the events of this year. For being bullied out of my job. For taking a new one where women cried on the phone to me about their abducted children. For friends who ditched me when I no longer fit into their five year plans. For being abandoned my academic supervisor as I struggled to write my final dissertation for law school. For surviving law school anyway and graduating, free at fucking last, for showing my parents into my lesbian separatist household on graduation day and having them against all odds love it.

    For moving continents. For a brief and beautiful affair with my first love in Berlin. For finishing it finally for good between us and for heartbreak. For a new country, Denmark. For getting sick and depressed and fucking up my studies and being forced to ask: who am I? What am I made of? Who will I be if this all turns to shit? and realising that I am a tough broad who can turn any bump in the road into a new direction. For settling into my new country in spite of all the chaos. I am thankful for solitude. I am thankful for new friends. I am thankful for the constant support of old ones. And I am thankful for adventure, for travelling to Iceland, for being able to go as far away as it is possible to be from my native Australia and feel more at home than you ever have done in your life.

    Above all, for the opportunity to learn who *I* am, away from the drama and pressure of life back home. To learn that I am tough and radiant, but that veins of darkness weave through me, each one representing a trauma that worked its way into my psyche. I see what strengths I’m going to use when I go back down under, but I also see what blockages I have to work on, so I can become even more the womyn I already am. I am a thankful motherfucker. And I am motherfucking thankful to Autostraddle, for giving me a space to express it.

  12. THIS. EXACTLY THIS.
    Try living in Brooklyn, going home to suburban Georgia, still being in the closet and I DARE YOU TO NOT LOSE YOUR MIND.
    The highlight of my Thanksgiving was when my baby cousin was making up a song (ABOUT JESUS, OF COURSE) and she was trying to come up with something to rhyme with “system.” Her solution? “FIST ‘EM”
    It was perfect.

  13. I’m grateful that I’m one of the tiny, tiny percentage of the human race not living in shit-all poverty. I’m grateful I live in a country where I won’t be arrested for my opinions (theoretically), I’m not (legally) required to pick a religion, and the government won’t arrest me for the way I dress.
    I’m thankful for a family that loves me completely and unconditionally, and goes out of their way to make sure I know that. I’m thankful that I have never been bullied, despite dressing and cutting my hair the way I do and being SO GEEKY I might as well have a target painted on my back. I’m thankful that even though everyone at my school has thought I was gay since freshman year, it never occurred to them to tease me for it. I’m thankful that I get to watch my cousin grow up. I’m thankful that my dad has a job in maybe the only growing sector in this economy. I’m thankful that my best friend hasn’t felt like dying for 2 years.

    I’m thankful for a dad who says things like “you know what? Thanksgiving is a good day for you to learn how being drunk feels.”
    I’m thankful for getting enough sleep last night. I’m thankful for my teachers not giving me homework this weekend.

  14. i just need to take this opportunity to share a quote from my mother:

    (in response to me maintaining that i can believe in morality without the threat of hell and asking if she sees me killing babies)

    “having sex with women really is like killing babies, because you’re not using your eggs.”

  15. I was at a thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of conservatives tonight. They were all drunkenly screaming at each other about how awful Occupy is…
    On the plus side I made an awesome apple pie!
    Then we started talking about college (I’m in high school) and I mentioned that I liked Smith. Response: “Are there ANY heterosexual women that go there?” Didn’t quite no how to answer that one, so I just said no and smiled.

  16. My brother’s reaction to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade: “What is this shit? I often wonder.”

    Thanksgiving involved lots of sparkling wine, the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special, and my brother’s girlfriend and her mother being at my parents’ house, as well as watching the Packers-Lions game.. (Yay for the Upper Midwest.) and i watched the Lady Gaga thanksgiving special. I kind of felt obligated to watch it as the only not-straight person in the house. It was followed by my mother asking if the person i wanted to bring to thanksgiving dinner was nearby. I was kinda waiting for her to ask if said person was a guy or a girl. Fortunately she did not.

  17. I just discovered this website while doing some research for work. Very cool. Need the virtual community as I’m in rural Pennsylvania with my wife* and her parents for Thanksgiving. Her mom has recently told her that she thinks it is wrong for us to try to have children of our own. But I’m doing my best to take the high road and be loving and supportive because my wife’s sister just died (she was 32 years old).

    Fighting would be tacky; pouting would be petty. Just gotta hang in there. Hopefully my wife won’t be overcome by internalized homophobia and change her mind about our family planning. At least I made a DELECTABLE squash casserole today.
    (*legally married in CA, woot woot!)

  18. YOU GUYS I accidentally came out to my 12 year old brother this Thanksgiving over hors-d’oeuvres.

    It blew his mind. “But wait, I thought our whole family was straight. Now Hannah’s ruined it!” And then the rest of the meal was composed of references to my bisexuality and the random friends and relatives of my godparents were all really confused but also laughing at him. And then during dessert he was like “SO WAIT. So do you KISS [your girlfriend]?? EW.” And then he came up with a dance to represent the straights and the gays. The straight dance move looked kind of gangster and the gay dance move was floppy wrists… appropriate?

    Such a positive Thanksgiving. I like my fam the most right now.

  19. So. There is no booze here. Or weed. Stuck in the middle of (very) rural Oklahoma. I haven’t seen my mother in a year and found out a day after buying my plane ticket home that she wouldn’t be able to come to Thanksgiving with my father’s side of the family. Not out to any of these family members except for my little sister, got a huge long ranting text message from my ex saying I need to come out to my family because they don’t even know the person they think they love, etc etc etc. despite the fact that it would probably get me disowned by my extremely conservative southern baptist family. The girl that I’ve been wooing for 3 months and finally hooking up with for the past few weeks has a boyfriend, and is in Iowa with her family with shitty cell signal and therefore very little contact. My friends back in Vegas are having a fantastic friendsgiving/trip fest that even my little dog is attending.

    Buuuut, I still have my little sister And my grandmother totally trimmed up my mohawk from the freakish fauxhawk mulletish it had grown into, despite her reservations that I’d “look like a little butch”. And tomorrow I will be driving to the city to meet up with and hopefully hook up with a girl that I knew back when I lived in Texas. The pros outweigh the cons, I love my family, they fed me so well, I might sleep now, thanks for listening, love you guys.

  20. Spent the 1st half of the day with my dad, his girlfriend, and her family ::awkward:: Subjected to the usual conservative talk, all while struggling to eat on one side of my mouth in attempts to avoid my oh so painful cavity >_<

    Immediately following, I sped across town to OD on turkey yet again with my mom. I walked into the restaurant and like a light beaming down from the heavens there before me was the most stunning lesbian couple ever! EVER! complete with alternative haircuts and tattoos. Happiness at last! My goal is to be as awesome as them by this time next year.

    Thankful for cute girls, alternative hairstyles, and tattoos :)

  21. OH MY GOD IS IT SEX POSTERS IN THE AS STORE.

    I’m dying to know when exactly “coming soon” is because it’s the perfect gift for my girlfriend! Ahhh I love you Autostraddle! Totally buying her the two poster deal and myself a “you do you” one!!!

  22. I love you, Autostraddle.

    I’m also thankful that Rite Aid has a twelve pack of Blue Moon Winter Ale on sale for $11.99. I’m going to drink every last drop, make my girlfriend watch Deathly Hallows part two again and cry about Harry Potter being over. Again.

  23. So today, there was parental fighting, then tense silence, then passive aggressive sniping over dinner. Then I ran to hide and read a book, then take a nap with my cat. So, basically it was just like every other family holiday and most days that end in -y.

    But on the bright side, Amazon has the first two seasons of Vampire Diaries DVDs on sale for 12.99 each, so I bought one (and used the Autostraddle link!) to make myself feel better :)

  24. You guys, I just want to let you know that I made that roasted pear dish that was posted a few weeks ago and it was SO. GOOD.

    I felt so fancy. Yeah, what? You made stuffing out of a box? I made roasted pears. What. What. They’re delicious.

  25. okay so for thanksgiving i decided that since the gym wasn’t open i would make cooking my work out for the day and make 7 dishes that all came from you autostraddle (you go autostraddle!). well i went to the store to pick up my ingredients two days before and i was confused for a dude ( achievement unlocked! convincing androgyny +3000pts!), which explains why i was getting str8 girl eyes and giggles. started cooking at 8-ish and somewhere along the way my 11 year old cousin became my assistant and helped me finish the last 3 dishes (achievement unlocked! finish improbable goal +5000pts!). after my twelve hour cookfest i decided to get ready for the dinner and i hear the frat boys who i went to florida with in my kitchen. one of them follows me outside and tells me to go in their car for a bit and offers me really really good weed FOR FREE! and i bailed out because i was already far gone on my pain killers. is this what growing up is? well i make it to party area and chit-chat with everyone there for a bit and have a long needed seat. half an hour later frat boy’s sister is telling me how hot i was/am and creepily staring at me for the remainder of the night. oh yeah, and she’s 13, ( -2000000pts) so it’s extra creepy. everyone loves the food blah blah blah, they can’t believe veggies taste this good, ladida. so a bit later on my assistant chef started craving lemonade and since she helped me out i decided to make some for her. well, i forgot how crazy this kid gets on sugar and end up paying the consequences later. to subdue her crazy i decide to go drink a cup of wine or three. a hyper active kid on lemonade and a hyper active drunk with wine end up playing countless rounds of connect 4, uno, and dominoes until 2 in the morning. i leave tired, drunk, and confused (don’t i always) and decide to get on asschat :( no one was on, i’ll just have to get foolish on cam around christmas time then.
    i still have a head ache and can’t decide if i should go to the gym or stay in bed and alternate between eating food and sleeping…..hmmmm the gym does have hot girl at the front desk and cute femme who takes her shirt off on the stair climber…..but i feel sooo lazy today

  26. holiday time studying far away, called my parents, and they were eating out some lamb and stuff. thanksgiving has been cooked at my house for years, for a medium large family. what’s happening while i’m at school??!

    i will go back for christmas and feel the distance… family! always there, and they walk around like ghosts when i go back to visit. my parents kept sneaking up on me last time -__-‘

    now in school, i tell them about the places i go, and they’re like, “oh wow! see, that’s what you need to do!” or “i’m so proud of you my juju!” it’s so cute. juju. yeah. but too much pressure. i want to have the accomplished life they think i’m trying to start, but i am the one seeing all of the actual experiences. i don’t want them to feel like i’ve done something great, i want them to treat me like i have a normal life with ups and downs. i appreciate their support, but they don’t know what’s going on. it’s tough to face the dreams of your parents. parents, saying they’re proud and happy and excited. that’s like so much support it’s no support, because they don’t know what i’m saying actually means. they think it’s all good. it’s ok, support and praise is good. but now, in school, and far away, i see i need to do this on my own, cause they’re way far out. they are all happy cause they aren’t here seeing my life. it’s long distance smothering.
    i still try to bring them back down to earth, to tell them, “no it’s really just normal life, it’s not that exciting or praise worthy, etc, it’s also not the end of the world: it’s just college! so maybe we can get on the same page and be real? and talk about a place that’s 2,000 miles away, you’ve never been to but i’ve been living in for over 2 years.” so no, they don’t listen, they just keep smiling. wow. my parents look old… and slow…… what’s happening?! am i really starting to live my own life? they have given up. or i have given up on them. i think it’s mutual. i can no longer take them seriously. they cannot take me seriously. i’m…. i’m… i’m…. i’m free. O__O woah damn.

    wait. maybe they are actually just prepping me to take care of them when they start pooing themselves. which from all of this looks like it could be any day now nooooooo why… holidaze parental paranoia….nooooooooo
    thank you thanks auto giving comment board, thanks a lot.

  27. I had Thanksgiving dinner with my family and neighbors. Nobody even made any inflammatory sexist/homophobic comments, and the daughter in the neighbors’ family gave me hot pink Essie nail polish that she didn’t want anymore, so now I can pretend to be part of Jenna Lyons’ family.

  28. The holiday season is a very depressing time for me. Always has been. From Thanksgiving to New Year’s, I hate life even more than usual.

    Know what my most vivid memories are? Lying in bed at night while the Christmas lights mom puts around the windows are still on, and crying. Crying for having to visit with people who will never accept me, crying for the lack of control I feel when I am around my family, crying for my life being anything but MINE.

    This is the last year I will spend here, come hell or high water. I graduate next month. I have to get out of here, for my own sanity.

  29. hehe. walked into the main room where the boys were watching football to my brother outing me to my dads half of the fam. I guess I had already kinda done it, my cousin asked me if there were any cute guys or girls at school and I guess my silence was suggestive enough to get the ball rolling. This is good I guess because now they know and the people my brother was talking to are cool. But I had to tell my brother to shush because my mom doesn’t want her side of the family to know and they were in the other room. Also, I was kinda buzzed because my twelve year-old cousin was feeding me hard cider to get me drunk so he could ask about my sex life. I didn’t get drunk enough to tell him about it, but I did get buzzed.

    All in all a great Thanxgiving-really good food, lots of crazy happy family, and shopping with my best childhood friend at four in the morning (black friday traditions)

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