In which Emily spends some quality time in bed with Alison and we return to Aria’s love shack only to discover shocking news about Hanna’s past hookups.

“The Talosians realize that Pike isn’t sold, and try to seduce him with a bizarre harem illusion with Vina as a green exotic dancer. Dayum, Pike. You’ve got some weird fantasies.”

Is this show ridiculous? Of course! Am I at all interested in watching TV shows that DON’T feature a talking severed head of Kathy Bates? NOPE NOPE NOPASAURUS REX!

“Where We Are On TV” has some promising and not-so-promising numbers for queer women on the teevee, and also raises some questions about how we quantify “representation” in the first place for all groups.

What do you do when your harddrive’s overcome with cheap Disney porn? You reboot that shit! And in the meantime, let’s throw every emotion possible at our characters and audience. Emotions you didn’t know you still had in your little gay body!

Autostraddle’s television writers on their favorite lezalicious, bisexual, queer and trans* ladies on the 2013 teevee!

This one’s for all the Emily/Ali fans out there. Here’s some fuel for your fanfics.

There is now data that suggests viewers are more likely to watch shows with racially diverse casts and writing staffs. Imagine that.

Go out to your local Halloween store, buy a overpriced plastic witch’s hat, and prepare to hold the fuck onto it!

Welcome to the seventh episode of American Horror Story, featuring an award-winning musical score by Hans Zimmer. I’m sorry, that’s not Hans Zimmer; it’s two goblins humping on a Casio keyboard. My mistake.

“Just when all hope seems lost, Zoe beheads the zombie while wielding a motherfucking chainsaw! Look who just became an interesting character!”

Welcome to the third episode of American Horror Story, the show for all your minotaur sexin’ needs!

I hope you like dad jokes, because this recap is chock full of them.

“By the way, just to keep the record straight, I was fucking HER! She wasn’t “fucking Lea DeLaria”! I’M THE TOP!”

This week on Glee, everybody sang Billy Joel songs and everything hurt!

This week on Glee, enthusiastic children danced and sang and broke walls as William Schuster toed the blurred line between “the worst” and THE WORST.

You may be experiencing Lesbian Prison Show Withdrawal Syndrome, and it’s a very serious condition. Go ahead and download yourself a dosage of the Aussie prison drama Wentworth!

“I would love to know how much money this show spends on snakes, drummers, and chalk.”

This week on Glee, Santana Lopez and Dani fall madly in love in three minutes, which lez be honest is kinda realistic.

Crack is wack.