One of my favorite things about being an astrologer is talking about relationships. I’m such a fan of the creative, vibrant, and often messy ways we find to love each other. Queer love, in particular, offers us so many paths toward each other and we’re often making it up as we go along. Along the way, we come up against what is most beautiful and most terrifying about ourselves–love asks us to transform ourselves again and again, and astrology is the best language I’ve found for talking about how to do that.
So I am delighted to be sharing these monthly horoscopes focused on queer love with all of you lovely queers. Whether you’re partnered or solo, polyamorous or monogamous, navigating all kinds of intimacy or longing for one meaningful connection, these ‘scopes are here to shine a light on how your heart can grow in this moment. Use them as tools for reflection and growth. Those of you who know a thing or two about astrology will benefit from reading the signs for your Venus and Moon first. (Those of you who want to know more about astrology might want to check out the Astrology 101 course I’m offering soon!)
Above all, take these and use them–make them your own. Experiment. Reflect. Share what comes up for you in the comments, I’d love to know!
November begins with Mercury, the planet of curiosity, moving into Scorpio. If Mercury is a bright little flashlight, Scorpio is that dark terrain under your bed where you keep your sex toys, old diaries, and other things you’d rather not get dragged into public view. With Mercury digging around in there, this could be a month of discoveries–some exciting (“I never knew I could come that way!”), others less so (“I can’t believe I’m still hurting from this old pain…”).
Meanwhile, relational planets Venus and Mars will be teaming up in Virgo till mid-month, urging us to scrutinize what we’ve been ignoring in our relationships. Virgo has a keen eye for everything that needs to be fixed, so expect some processing and fine-tuning with partners. This aspect also has a healing energy, supporting the healing of wounds around gender (Venus and Mars) and how we feel in our bodies (Virgo). Energy shifts in the second half of the month with Venus and Mars moving to the partnership-oriented Libra (less fine-tuning, more cooperating) and on the 20th when Mercury enters Sagittarius, the sign of optimism and adventure. Hold on to that optimism, because on the same day Venus forms a hard aspect to Pluto (planet of all those dark secrets under your bed) and anything you haven’t addressed earlier this month could come back to bite you. So be brave, stay honest, and be gentle to yourselves this month!
Oh honey, it should be enough that you’ve had such a wild ride this year already. Surely you deserve a minute to pant and lean against a tree, pressing moss against your wounds. Take a few minutes. Watch the clouds. Remember your connection to the slow seasons. And then get back on your feet, because you’re not quite out of the woods. As Venus and Mars move into Libra, your relationships are helping you see more clearly (even if you don’t like what you see). You’ve got a few major blind spots this month; don’t go leaping into a new love or new bed without proper precautions. Hold out for the real magic, which doesn’t disappear when the dream is over.
Everyone knows how good you are at what you do, but right now you have to try something new. Are you always the top? Do you always hold space for your boo’s crisis? Have you gotten too comfortable in a role that makes your relationships easy to run on autopilot? Planets in Scorpio this month are calling you toward a deep transformation that could mean anything from new roles in bed to welcoming a bigger change you’ve always feared. If you’re not a little nervous, you’re not doing it right.
Like a songbird fluttering through lingerie on a clothesline, you may find yourself hopping in and out of bed sheets and lacy underthings this month. A part of you does well in this atmosphere, but another part of you needs to know what it all means. What are you learning? Ask yourself, for every one you shake hands with or rub up against, what’s at the core of this connection? How much of yourself do you want to devote to it? How clear can you be with yourself with each answer you uncover?
Don’t look now, but there is a tender unicorn in the room who’s looking for a welcoming lap to lay its head in, and odds are that unicorn is you. Sorry, tough guy. What you’re looking for could be erotic or platonic, but ought to be maternal (whether that means some gentle butch daddy or earth goddess femme). Your job is this: don’t be too shy to ask for exactly what you need. As E.M. Forster writes, “only connect.” Once you do, pay attention to two things: 1.) Can you relax into whatever is offered? 2.) When do you know you’re done, and ready to switch roles?
Your shyness is legendary, though some folks won’t believe it. It’s easy to project what you want people to see–whether you’re a loud roar or a quiet fire, you’ve got enough sparkle to throw glitter in the eyes of anyone daring to get to close. That’s the dilemma, really: people may adore the idea of you, but how deeply do they know you? If there’s someone you’re trying to let in right now, start with silence. Let it be awkward. Let yourself stutter and look a fool. Leap before you know if you’ll look good doing it.
There’s a party in your sign this month, and like any party it could get to be a little too much. With Mars, Venus, and Jupiter getting rowdy together you’ll have opportunities for huge breakthroughs or just as huge breakdowns. The vibe here is clear, though: you’re being pushed to grow. Forget the list of ways you wish you could be a better partner or lover–forget the list of ways you wish your lover or partner could be better. Tap into that Jupiter energy instead of overthinking things–you’ll feel it when you start cracking up about how easy it can feel. Ride that energy through whatever adjustments you need to make in your love life right now. It gets to be easier.
Raise your hand if you find it easier to be nice than to ask for what you need at the risk of hurting someone you care about. If you’re feeling trapped in your intimacies (a partnership grown stale, a friendship grown dishonest, a solitude that claims you’ll never find the love you need), now is the time to shake off that smooth, white sheet that has settled protectively over your inner bitch. Dust her off a bit, give her a tall drink, and let her know she’s needed. Most importantly, let her know what you need. If you can strategize together now, she’s less likely to rampage through your relationships later on.
You’ve always had good night vision. When other people close their eyes, you keep yours open. You know the worst secrets of the human heart, as you’ve felt them yourself or witnessed them. How, then, do you love anyone without dread? Do you live in uneasy denial? Do you hold yourself apart? Or is love so mixed up with pain you’ve given up on separating the two? This month will ask you to reconsider the possibility of love that heals. To begin, understand that we’re all wired to have a negativity bias, remembering what’s dangerous more than what isn’t. One powerful tool to rewire your assumptions about love: Start a list of everything you receive from another human that you’re grateful for.
This is a month of adjustment, which may be one of the least sexy words in English. Pain can be eroticized, but adjustment is when you descend from the sweet and sweaty erotic heights because you’re getting a leg cramp, someone’s hair got caught, or it’s time to process feelings. Always necessary when they arise, but not the stuff of swooniness and longing. As Saturn, planet of reality-testing, sets up camp in your sign for a few years you’ll find yourself needing to adapt to limitations you’ve always had the luxury to avoid or ignore before. Don’t give up if it feels disillusioning at first! Hold on to your sense of humor through the bumpy bits: your relationships are growing in ways that will ultimately give all those big feelings a safe place to root down.
It’s a season of surprises, and you’re especially surprising yourself. Like a hothouse orchid poking up through the sidewalk cracks, something new and magical is coming to life in you. What style of relationship have you said you’d never try? What gender presentation have you never fallen for? Think you understand your own desires pretty well by now? Be prepared for some brave new worlds to open up–but once you move toward them, you’ll find yourself right at home. You’ve been ready for this kind of adventure for some time now, and you’ve got the tools you need to stay safe as you explore (physical barriers and emotional reserve). One word of caution: don’t be so cautious you miss out on the fun.
Self-love is the killer, huh? It’s so easy to love humanity, even when they’re messing up the world–or at least your group of friends who are trying a little harder–but when it’s just you rattling around in your own head it’s harder to feel tolerant, much less enthusiastic, about what you find. You can rely on the love of your sweethearts or closest friends, but only so far. Sooner or later, you’ve got to face that inner sense of being something strange and alien. One tip: remember that love doesn’t need an excuse. You are loveable because you are here with us, offering something this world has never seen. Whether you can feel it yet, you’re being held and seen.
You often count on your laser-beam eyes (known to melt hearts within 50 yards) to convey what you’re feeling. The snag is that once your boo is out of heart-melting range, she may think of you as someone who isn’t good for practical support. It’s easy to beam unconditional love from at all the self-critical mortals you know; it’s a little harder to make their lives easier in tangible ways. This month, all those planets in Virgo and Libra can teach you about the tending and feeding of your loved ones. Channel all those deep feels into washing their dishes, offering foot rubs, or sharing an erotic bath (and washing down the tub after!). Revelations will follow.