Real L Word 309 Recap: Perfect Day For This Show To End With A Bang Bang Bang

Smear on back to filthy Las Vegas, Nevada, where Romi and Dusty have traveled to tie the knot, Britney Spears style. Lemme tell you, there’s nothing a bunch of lesbians love more than watching men and women marry each other! It’s rare we can tear ourselves away from Say Yes to The Dress long enough to even watch another program, so thank G-d they brought some of the Shit We Can’t Have onto the Lesbian Show. BRING IT ON!

hello this is dusty and i assume you already know who i am

Romi: “Marrying a woman or marrying a man, it doesn’t matter. I’m not shocked that I’m here with a man, that’s who I’m in love with. I love him. I’ve loved him forever, so it’s exciting.”

That’s a good point about it not mattering, in theory, but it actually does matter, because you can’t marry a woman in Nevada. Or in California. Or most anywhere in the world! Anyhow, Romi’s excited, so good for her.

yup, i’m still smokin’ hot

This Fucking Show then gifts us with an interview/retrospective collage of all the faces Romi has sucked this season:

now you’re just some bodies that i used to know

Romi: “When you’re searching for love, you’re searching. when you’re trying to make love out of something, it’s so different. It’s not right. Things aren’t gonna click. I was searching for love with Jay, I was searching for love with Kesley, and I know that goes for Whitney too, I wanted it, I wanted it to be it and it just wasn’t. When you just love somebody and they love you back, it just clicks. You don’t have to try for it, with Dusty I don’t have to try and be in love, it takes over my whole body, it takes over my whole heart.”

Laneia: her whole brain even
one might argue

That being said, I love Romi’s Pop-Punk wedding outfit and she looks beautiful. Especially in comparison to The Sliver of Man.

and check out our new single, coincidentally dropping the same day this episode will air


as opposed to your homo friends back at the orchard, their shit is illegal as fuck

Wedding Lady loves Dusty and Romi — or “Romney,” as she pronounces it — and found their vows absolutely thrilling!

Wedding Lady: “Words have never been said so beautifully as the two of you have. I really believe that you know what love is.”

Yeah, she said the same thing to these cats:

The beaming-with-happy couple bursts from the chapel into a ray of golden sunlight, a light from the heavens that shines upon them and them alone, in their little cocoon where you say things like the things they say and it doesn’t matter because there are walls of glass.

and i let him pork me with his sausage all night long!

Romi: “It’s my husband!”
Dusty: “I’m her husband!”
Romi: “It’s my husband!”
Dusty: “You’re my wife!”
Romi: “Yeah! That’s what this place does!”
Dusty: “That’s what the world is for.”
Romi: “Husbands and wives!”


Cut back to Wedding World, USA, which is like Wally World but for lesbians and illegal. Sara’s had her dress “reconstructed” to better accomodate those tits and dat ass and therefore isn’t sure yet that it’s even gonna fit.

Whitney: “This is the most terrifying moment ever because if her dress doesn’t fit it’s gonna be bad for all of us.”

besides that creamed corn thing

Spoiler alert: the dress is totally gonna fit.

yup, i’ve still got a great rack

Mrs.Sara: “You cannot eat anything tonight, you have to run on the beach ’til tomorrow morning!”

Riese: she should do laps in a winter coat
like they do in wrestling
Laneia: her sister is so gay wtf

Mrs. Whitney assures her daughter that the dress could not possibly look more perfect and therefore Sarahara is The Prettiest Princess, period.

because that’s not how heads work, you can’t just zip them off your skull and wrap them around things like you can with your whole body

Sara and Whitney interview about how they love each other and are excited to get married and etc etc whatever bla bla:

Sara: “You know I would always tell her that if I could have you sign a contract that says you’re never gonna cheat on me and you’re never gonna leave me and that we’re always gonna be together then I would feel like I could do this with you and I wouldn’t be scared —”
Whitney: “And it turns out that you can, it’s called a marriage license!”

In anticipation of tomorrow’s knot-tying, the ladies settle in for a long evening of scissoring, canyon yodeling, cunt lapping, muff-diving, moustache riding, skull-fucking, sneezing in the cabage, telephoning the stomach and flopping in the hay.

Laneia: are you squinting or covering your eyes
or is that just me
riese: i’m not looking
jesus christ though
her ass is like [redacted]’s
Laneia: idk if i had an ass like that
i’d be on tv in a thong i guess
riese: i stopped wearing thongs when i became a lesbian


Starsweep to the next morning, when a newly deflowered Sara and Whitney arrive at the venue, full of hope, cheer, and appreciation for the shining sun and beautiful day. However, it’s two hours ’til showtime and Team Sara is nowhere to be found.

should’ve tried allegra

Sara interviews that “everyone’s late and I’m just fucking sitting here by myself” and she wants some motherfucking support, and it seems like maybe this is that thing you do when you’re so fucking scared about a big thing going wrong (e.g., her Mom skipping the wedding or crying sad tears the whole time) that when one little thing appears to be kinda close to maybe going wrong (e.g., everybody being late), it just pushes you over the edge and then you’re sitting on the grass, sobbing in your leggings, waiting for your Mom.

Sara: “For my sister’s wedding everybody was fussing over what was happening with my sister, everyone was there, everyone was doing everything… it just goes to show a lack of importance I think in my big day versus my sister’s.”

At last they arrive, while meanwhile Alyssa’s doing Whitney’s hair and reassuring her that if she changes her mind, there’s a getaway car out back.

rethinking the xanax

In Sara’s dugout, the team rushes to both calm her nerves, reassure her that she is loved, and get in those last minute interviews:

Mrs.Sara: “I’m very happy for Sara but at the same time, I’m sad too. I really like my daughter to have a wedding, but with a man. I’m sorry to say that, but that’s the truth. I love Whitney, I wish Whitney is a guy Sara could marry.”


and i find her fashion statement very confusing


“who for some reason doesn’t want to be on this show all the time, despite how lovely her face looks on our screen”

Whitney dips out for some man-to-man heart-to-heart time with the camera. The camera loves her, just like Romi loves Dusty and Jesus loves you and I love whiskey and we need to be on the road towards Los Angeles two hours ago! Anyhow, Whitney says she’s excited and scared and can’t believe it’s really happening.

Enough feelings, it’s time for The Wedding Guests Arrive Musical Montage! We open with Hunter Valentine, accompanied by Lauren The Pink Glamazon Princess Warrior, Amanda FTW Dunn, Vero the Coolest Cucumber, Laura and Somebody Else.

Look it’s Francine, Autostraddle’s Miss June 2012 and the calmest cast member of The Real L Word Season Two!

Look who got a free trip to Los Angeles and is totally early!

Kacy and Cori reminisce about their wedding:

but coco remembers it well

All of the pretty people get settled in the rows of chairs, Whitney walks to the front of the thing…

…and Sara swings by in her Bride Trolley…

it’s official then, i’m the prettiest one here

..and then Kina Grannis is there with her guitar and her amazing voice singing a song!

This is that song, just to get you in the mood:

Laneia: well fuck me this is cute
riese: awwwwww
i like her
this singer
i predict
that of all the people trying to sell music
from this season
that chick is gonna win
Laneia: that singer is making this scene
riese: she has that voice i love
Laneia: like a bird
riese: mhm

Sarahara walks down the aisle with her beaming father and quiet mother:

i’m a silly love song a twisted elbow crush song

Oh shit, somebody’s late:

Anyhow, Jenny’s here, Sara’s here, everybody’s here and The Wedding Captain they’ve hired to guide this ship is talking into the mike like she’s having sex with it on live radio, it’s seriously weird.

Laneia: “she sounds like a sex line operator” – megs
Riese: i know we’ve been imitating her pretending like we’re radio hosts
i dedicated “when i see you smile” by bad english to my girlfriend overseas
marni introduced an NPR program


The Vows:

Whitney: “I promise to start each day looking into your eyes with the same gratitude and appreciation as I am now. I promise to make our marriage something of evolution and adventure, so together we can both grow and experience the world to its fullest potential. I promise to hold you in stressful times and in times of joy, even when our firey personalities tell us otherwise, last but not least I promise to get the best rocking chairs known to man, so that when we’re 80, or when you’re slightly younger than 80, we can watch the sun set together and smile back at this day.”

Sara: “I promise to always respect you, to encourage and laugh with you, to wake up every morning as we do now and express how grateful I am to be in your presence and to smother you almost to the point you can’t breathe. I promise to try and let you leave my side at times, even if just a day can seem unbearable. I promise that I will help you with the laundry and be mindful to separate colors and I even promise to learn to fold the bottom sheet.”

and also to learn how to fly

Laneia: i can
riese: WHAT
somebody should marry you
Laneia: i can fold the bottom sheet
riese: pat megan on the back for me
luckily we only have like 2 sheet sets
so folding won’t be an issue for us
either it’s on the bed
or it’s in the laundry

Now that everybody is crying, it’s time to pronounce them wife and wife or something similar to that idea, basically:

and the best roommates ever


Whitney and Sara standing in an orchard K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!

We then transition into the after-party part of the wedding montage!

raise your glass for real

dirty dancing

Kacy and Cori have an adorable interview (they give great interview, these two):

Kacy: “We are much stronger than the two of us every thought we would be, we prove that marriage is a commitment and in good times and bad definitely rings true. And I married my very best friend, and i’m grateful for it every day.”

Although we’d all like to languish as long as possible in this orchard, we must return to Dusty and Romi’s Desert Wedding to really end this montage with a bang bang bang:

fun fact: romi can come in her pants on command

Romi: “I think that Whitney and Sara found their soulmate and I wish them both the best ever, I really do. Sometimes you’re really lucky and you have somebody out there in the world who was meant to be with you and for me, Dusty is the one. He makes me happy. People change, people grow, that’s life. I’m not gonna be the same person I was last year and I’m not gonna be the same person I am now next year, or the year after that or the year after that, I’m gonna keep evolving and changing and figuring out who I am and what I want…. I’m not living for everybody else. I’m living for myself.”

YOU GO GIRL. No really, just live for yourself! If you’re living for yourself, then it shouldn’t matter what anybody else thinks, right? Right! Not everybody’s gonna be happy simply because you’re happy, the world doesn’t work that way. If Mitt Romney got elected president, I couldn’t be happy for him just ’cause it’s been his dream his whole life and he’s happy, you know? If you want other people to be happy for you, you have to consider what makes them happy, too. But if you’re just living for yourself, then live for yourself and forget about the rest of us already. You do you.

but i do make an effort to think about somebody else for at least two minutes a week

Laneia: i will not live through this bullshit suffocation
riese i might die
Riese: thank god she clarified
she’s not living for anybody else
just herself
Laneia: not everybody else
also not aliens
or cabinets?
not cabinets
Riese: not popsicles
Laneia: also not sand
not living for sand

We smear on back to The Orchard Wedding, where Whitney is predicting the future:

Whitney: “I see some buns going in some ovens. Who doesn’t want a bunch of little Saras and Whitneys running around?”

This is me predicting the future of this show:

real l word season seventeen

The last twenty minutes of this episode are really well done and the final montage is no exception. Everybody’s happy, love is in the air, the sky is beautiful, and we get a sense of having been on a journey with at least a few of these motherfuckers.

And here we are at the end, with these two women who made it here and are in love and a whole orchard full of queers and allies. Well played, well played.

Now I’ve gotta get in a car headed towards hellscape, but I hope y’all have the holiest Sunday ever and don’t have too many nightmares about Dusty or Wheelers. Also if you donated to our campaign, thank you! We raised over $116,000!! Now if that’s not a happy ending, I don’t know what is. Oh wait. Yes I do!

The end!

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Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2884 articles for us.


    • I saw that shit, and I totally thought Joe Dirt. Not even Kid Rock. Since I am a lonely empty soul I had to make my own notes. But Joe Dirt for sure.
      Super hip on fashion and trends? I hope she is wrong, and that she falls face first in mud, but that’s for another reason.

      • Okay so I agree that what we see of Romi on the show is mostly super douchey, but maybe can we stop hate-talking?!

        If what is portrayed on the show is true, then I dunno, we can’t hate someone for loving boys/girls/boys and girls. Even if she’s confused, um, hasn’t everyone been confused? We’re just lucky it wasn’t on camera.

        If what we see on the show doesn’t really show the real Romi, only the bad parts, then we’re the douchebags.

        I’ve probably said mean things about the cast of TRLW (I don’t remember doing so but I might have) but can we maybe not say anything if we don’t have nice things to say?

        • The thing is that we don’t care at that point if Romi is fucking girls or boys or if she fucking fisted a cat (Kyiomi ©). It no longer has anything to do with her sexuality and I am surprised you are still buying it. She is playing the victime, pretending to be bullied because of her sexual choices but the truth is that she is a moron, a narcissic selfish brat and the edit has nothing to do with it like it could be for other characters, cause she is even worse in the interviews which are straight forward talking/sharing to a fixe camera.

          • True. I would actually care abt that more than any other of her storylines! :)
            Even tho Kyiomi became nicer later on, I would never ever like her and it has a lot to do with her saying that sentence early in the show. I am an animal rights activist too! *Paw bump*!

  1. I should be embarrassed to say that as I was watching this episode I was so excited for the recap! Thank you for picking up on the ‘Romney!’. I almost rewound it to make sure but thought it would be more fun to hear it from you guys. Also….Sara’s screenshot with the caption ‘They hit 100k!’ is priceless.

  2. Amazing recap!! thank you so much. You describe the romi situation with a lot of respect, objectivity and TRUTH!! so bravo!
    This episode is the highlight of the whole series, very well done and for once I think we can say that IC got it “almost” right. Well done.

      • I know this is embarrassing to admit, but I have watched the show willingly (must be the creepy niceness) and every time I watch it I feel so sorry for the boys. There’s the phenomenon of when a younger boy has 3 or more older brothers that he ends up being gay right? I mean, with all the boys in that family, there’s bound to be some gays. Probably a girl or too as well.

        Does anyone ever think about this? I just picture them suppressing their sexuality so hard that they are downright miserable their whole lives.

      • one time the duggars came into the arby’s where i worked and gave me a postcard with their faces on it. i was homeschooled and have 8 siblings and we talked about that and they said they saw the love of jesus in me. they were pretty nice. but creepy.

  3. I love the finale. My favorite parts were the wedding of Whitney and Sara. I am very happy for the both of them. I do hope they will stay married forever and ever.

    As for Romi, I hope she’s happy with Dusty even though I still think she has a lot of growing up to do.

    I want to thank Riese for writing the recaps. They have been awesome.

    If Showtime decides to do a fourth season, it will be time for a brand new cast.

    If Showtime decides not to do a fourth season, then they had done their job giving closures for a lot of the cast members including Whitney and Sara.

  4. So, first. That picture of season seventeen is about the funniest and most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen, all rolled in to one.

    And also. Now that Romi is officially married to a dude, I wonder if she will give up her claim to fame as a celesbian. I mean, I understand bisexuals are always bi and don’t change their identity depending on who end up with… but I just don’t know of many celesbians who are married to dudes. Is it bad for me to hope she isn’t in Season Four? Great that she’s happy but I don’t really see how she fits in with the rest of the show anymore…? I think there needs to be more of a discussion about this because I am trying to process my feelings over here and not doing such a good job. Maybe a lady familiar with these things can help me out? What happens when someone identifies as bi and is in a committed marriage with someone of the opposite sex? Do you still do gay events and gay stuff? Or….not?

    Next. Think it’s funny how the gay wedding and straight wedding ended up in the same episode, just like Grey’s Anatomy. Now, maybe I’m just overly optimistic about life in general but I didn’t see the wedding episode of Grey’s in a bad way. (Didn’t actually see TRLW episode so I can’t comment on that.) I thought it was making more of a statement about the institution of marriage in general. Like with this. Jay and Romi have been together for like, what, a month? And they run to Vegas and get legally married, totally on a whim and pretty much lacking fanfare or anything like that. Just bam. Legally married, no questions asked. And with the lesbian wedding, it was with an actual relationship that’s had ups and downs, that had to be fought for, that had family that was broken-hearted, that had plans made and ceremonies to go through and sentimental vows to be spoken… and after all that, still not legal. I don’t know, I just think it’s an interesting juxtaposition, I guess.

    • I’m not married, but I am bisexual.

      Given the amount of bullying and harassment bisexuals deal with in gay spaces as it is, I can barely fathom the amount of determination and strength of character it would take for a bisexual who did marry a cis-gendered opposite sex partner to frequent them. And a former “celesbian”? I can’t imagine how hard it would be. I mean, it’s not like Romi’s short on chutzpah, but I doubt that such a thing would end in anything but tears and heartbreak.

      Personally? I don’t do “gay events” or “gay stuff” at all anymore because I just do not have the emotional energy to deal with yet another person telling me what an awful, disgusting, vile creature I am when they’ve only known me long enough for me to start saying the word “bisexual.” Autostraddle is my *one* place for queer community because it is the only place where I can trust that if that starts to happen, several people will tell that person to shove it.

      Unless by “gay stuff” you mean “thinking about ladies in a sexual way.” Because I do *that* all the damn time.

      • Aw, I’m sorry, too. I have no hate for bisexuals…anyone queer of center is good in my book. I just didn’t know what would happen in that situation. If you are attracted to both sexes but settle into a lifelong, committed relationship with one…then what? Like Romy. If she stays married to Dusty forever and assuming its not an open relationship, she wouldn’t be out looking to hook up with ladies, right? So…what happens to the gay part of her identity? If you had a husband at your side, you wouldn’t go to a lesbian bar or dyke march or anything, would you? I don’t mean this an any sort of offensive way… :/

        • Well, she’s still bisexual. (You seem to be thinking of it as half-gay?) The way she feels attraction for other human beings hasn’t changed. But whether or not she can ever be comfortable in a queer space may have permanently changed, through no fault of her own.* And people want to have queer spaces that are accessable to them for many more reasons than hooking up.**

          Does that make sense?

          The point of my personal anecdote was that, since I don’t feel comfortable in queer spaces *now* as an unattached bisexual, I highly doubt that I’d feel comfortable in them if I ended up married to a cis-gendered man. It’s not because I’m not queer, or don’t care about queer things, or wouldn’t be queer anymore in that instance — I don’t do queer events because I feel ostracized by the community. I imagine it would be worse if I were married to a cis-gendered man.

          * Not that I condone her actions as portrayed by this show, but being left out because you’re a jerk is not the same as being left out because you’re a bisexual, no matter how many people conflate the two.

          ** Personally, I want to talk about things that are relevant to my interests, to help young queers see that it does get better, and to encourage other tall femmes to wear high heels if they want to.

          • I don’t think of her as half-gay! lol That’s terrible!

            As for not feeling comfortable in queer spaces, I can relate to that and I’m totally gay. I always feel out of it, like there’s rules or membership clauses or a secret handshake or something that I don’t know about. And I’ve only ever been with women… and it’s been about 12 years now… and I still feel like an outsider. I don’t think it’s just you, is my point. :)

            I guess the question was more when it’s someone like Romy, who is clearly the most notable and recognizable celesbian out there (sarcasm font, anyone?) and has historically been comfortable in queer spaces and at events and active in the community… I would think marrying a guy would mean losing a part of your identity. I know the attraction to women would always be there but most married people don’t act on outside attraction. And if you feel uncomfortable being bi and single at gay events, I can’t imagine how one would feel as bi and married to a guy in those situations. And when you’re Romy, and are basically famous for being gay but you now feel that the world was meant for husbands and wives, well, then I don’t even know at all.

            And also? If a woman is bi and marries a woman for life, I would imagine the same sort of challenges would be there. A woman marrying a woman and committing for life would always be viewed as a lesbian, whether or not she was actually bisexual. She would lose her right to that straight privilege and would be treated as a lesbian by the rest of the world. It’s not right but it’s what happens. It’d be gay marriage issues and gay parenting issues and whatever else…

            Point is I’m in no way saying that bisexuals are half gay or half straight or that committing to either sex means the attraction for the other goes away… I’m just wondering how people handle it in a relationship that they have committed to for life.

          • Ah, I think I’m having trouble explaining: my identity is an indivisible unit, and thus I could lose out on part of my community, I wouldn’t lose part of my identity. Visibility? Sure, but we’re nearly always invisible. Business, or rather, life, as usual.

            As far as community goes, when I say “ostricized” I mean that people have said, to my face, at different times and in different places, that I am disgusting/diseased/mentally ill/etc. and have been told to leave. It’s not just feeling uncomfortable; it’s being explicitly told that you are unwanted and unworthy until you give up. This is my true experience with the queer community and it is why I treasure Autostraddle so much. “You Do You” has repaired a large chunk of my psyche.

            Also, while bisexuals may have *passing* privilege, we don’t have straight privilege. Because we’re not straight.

            I feel bad for Romi because I think she did feel like part of the queer community and it seems so hostile to her now, but she was also explicitly a jerk to some people and I feel like that must also be a factor, at least in a small way. I am conflicted about her, but mostly it makes me sad.

          • Just had an esprit d’escalier moment.

            My answer to your actual question (“What happens when someone identifies as bi and is in a committed marriage with someone of the opposite sex? Do you still do gay events and gay stuff? Or…not?”) is this:

            Bisexuals do not lose their queer community when they marry/commit to someone of the opposite sex. It was lost well before that, for many of us. We in that group express our queerness quietly, as Listener described, and I imagine that is how I will continue if/when I marry.

          • [Apparently there’s a limit to how long a threaded conversation can get before the “Reply” button stops appearing.]

            Yup! Today was my day to speak for ALL bisexuals. I had to squeeze it in between flaunting my straight privilege, pretending to be gay to lure sweet innocent lesbians into my lair/den of sin/pants, breaking exactly three hearts, spreading venereal disease, and leaving at least one woman for a man.

            We have such busy schedules; that’s why we take turns. If you yourself are bisexual and haven’t signed up for your day yet, you’d better get on that. I imagine your agenda is just as packed as mine!

          • Naw, sorry, I’ll let that opportunity gladly pass. Thx.

            Sarah, reading your posts I sense a lot of anger, resentment and bitterness.
            Sorry, that your real life experiences with “the queer community” have been so chock full of biphobia.
            I wish you the best.

            I think Romi got flak for acting like a jerk, whatever Whitney, Sara and her had a falling out about, and being the most attention-grabbing of the group in a format (reality TV!) that’s all about attention-grabbing. Guess there’s some sort of unwritten rule: Thou dost not steal the wedding-attention from your cast mates by your own little shotgun Vegas wedding.
            Unfortunately Sara got her own little asshat on and communicated her passive-aggressive dismay by texting Romi some crap about undermining the gay rights movement or some such shit. Maybe she truly believed her wedding to Whit (on TV) was important for that movement (and any screen time taken from it a weakening of it’s force). Who knows….

          • i’m curious: why do you think so many bisexual women have no problem marrying cis guys and never having any kind of sexual encounter with a woman again, but very few bisexual men marry cis women and never have encounters with guys again?

            PLEASE don’t answer that most bi guys are “really” gay and just say they’re bi to be ‘normal’, because in my experience, that’s not true at all. and please don’t bring up women’s supposed “fluidity”, because, to me, if a bi woman can spend a lifetime never being with a woman again once married but a bi man cannot spend a lifetime never being with a man again once married to a woman”, it means that her desire for women is not as strong as her desire for men.

            finally, please do not refer to the oft-cited belief that men have stronger sex drives than women…i don’t think this explains it either.

            Perhaps men are valued more as sexual partners than women as (the penis is king, apparently), and therefore bisexual women don’t need women once they’re with men, but bisexual men need men when they’re with women. in any event, i think society has far more to do with this than any “innate” sexuality. after all, many, many lesbians have been with men before coming out…and many have been with men even after coming out (as lesbians, not bisexuals), while very few gay men have been with women before coming out, and even less have been with women afterwards.

            in my opinion, this is because society privileges male sexuality far beyond female sexuality, and feels men are in general far superior to women. think about it…plenty of lesbians have male friends, gay and straight, while i know many gay men who call women “fish”, and many straight women who “hate girls”. in addition, pretty much all men–gay and straight and bi–have touched their own genitals, but many women (mostly straight ones) don’t even masturbate, and many other straight women don’t let men go down on them or touch them there (but getting porked by them is considered normal). Many gay men AND straight men find the woman’s bits to be “gross”, many women say the same thing (think of the average tuna joke).

            In other words, we live in a world where almost everyone (except dykes) find women’s bits to be repellent except for the straight man’s desire to stick it in. Meanwhile, the penis is seen as God, which creates a situation where lesbians aren’t considered to have “real” sex and where trans men aren’t considerd to be “real” men by all too many. While I have no problem with strap ons, I still find it interesting that gay men aren’t lining up at sex shops demanding that a silicon vagina be created so one man can strap it on while the other penetrates him. For those who say, “well, men have the prostate!”, i say, women have clitorises. Also fingers and tongues.

            In summation, it saddens me that so many bi women end up choosing men, many other women pretend to be bi just to turn on their male partners, and many bi men are considered “gay and lying”. In this world, bisexual seems to either mean “gay man” or “woman who likes women as an appetizer before the real meat of the entree arrives.” This wouldn’t be a stereotype if it hasn’t been witnessed so often. Just look at the number of “bisexual” women who leave lesbians because they just “crave men”. Very few bisexual men leave their male partners because they “crave women”–if anything, they crave a “normal life”.

            Gay men generally find lady bits repellent. You’ll find that even the most gay woman you meet gets turned on by gay male porn or will find some men attractive. And clearly by the use of sex toys by almost every lesbian i’ve met, the penis is not considered appalling.

            Given this situation, is it any wonder why lesbians doubt that bisexual women really desire us as much as they covet Big Man?

      • To Sarah’s initial post:
        I’m very, very sorry, too, mon cher. I’ve been enraged by the exclusiveness and sheer meanness on the part of bi-phobics for so many years. I identified as bi for many years and experienced the divisive hate and ignorance on the part of hets and ‘mos.

        BTW, since people still embrace certain outmoded idées fixes, I will state that I have not embraced heterosexuality… I’m queer, I’m gendergueer, and I’m a dyke with a range of sexual tastes, not excluding the random male.

        I do think some of the community, especially the aware vanguard of the community represented by many AS folks, has developed a far better understanding of bisexuals in the last 10 years, but we’ve got a long way to go.

        Furthermore, the non-vanguard 85% is still uninformed, but they ARE paying attention. And the mucky, polluted bilgewater Romi’s spewing out her over-active piehole is currently reaching that audience.

        That someone so thoughtless and self-centered has cast herself as a martyr of bi-phobia, and is spewing a litany of falsehoods makes my blood boil. What’s even more damaging, and I do beg the pardon of AS readers, is that I suspect this self-denoted “expert on sexuality and sexual culture” barely manages to compete in the feather-weight class in intellectual competition.

        I believe that she is incapable of abstract thought, viz. claiming ignorance of the significance of her “marriage” when there’s a war going on that affects most of er ex-friends and acquaintances. Dusty: “That’s what the world is for.”
        Romi: “Husbands and wives!” I also believe her narcissism blinds her to everything, material or spiritual, that exists beyond the circumference of her weave toss.

        So yeah, I guess I’ve expressed my opinion on Ms. Dusty-Ray/Jay/Tender/O’Roni and my fury that she’s contributing further to bi exclusion when some of us in the community have worked very hard to change entrenched, incorrect, and damaging notions held by far too many members of queer and straight communities.

        We’re further along than that. We need to be further along in that. And that fame toad’s self-serving, ill-considered personal vendetta is not helping.

        In the mean time, I recognize how much shit you have to put wup with from the queer community and the straight world, and all I can offer is I’ll keep doing my part to educate and agitate.

        Stay strong.

    • Well, as someone who identifies as queer (I dislike the term bisexual because it implies a dichotomy; I’m extremely picky when it comes to attraction, but gender, cis or otherwise, does not factor in for me in choice of partner), and has been in a loving, committed relationship with someone of the opposite gender (who is also queer) for a long time, what happened to the gay part of my identity is this:

      In the fictional world of my writing I treat sexual attraction as something that is personal and should not determine how someone is seen or treated, just as another facet of their personality. Same-sex couples abound in my writing, all rights are equal.

      I visit websites like AS a lot, (never commented before though, hi! =), follow many gay artists and buy their work, music or books, vote for a party that has good policies on gay marriage etc, donate to queer causes when I can. I do visit gay bars but as I’m an extreme introvert, not very frequently – for magazine launches, open mics etc. I’m there.

      My friends are a mixed bunch of all kinds of orientations and set-ups in life, single mums, men and women married to the same or the opposite sex, divorcees who have started a new life, people in committed relationships, and people who are doing fine on their own, everything under the rainbow really. The important thing for me is that they are all committed to accepting others and themselves exactly as they are.

      I’ve struggled with the need to express the gay part of me in the past, especially as in some of the gay groups I’ve tried to socialise with I was often given the cold shoulder, or yelled at (“you don’t think it’s disgusting to be with a man??!!”). I got very depressed when I felt like I was forced to live two lives, suppress one or another part of myself. I had a girlfriend I loved whose best friend made her break up with me because he didn’t like her being with a bisexual.

      With time, I’ve found ways to express my lady-love that I’m happy with. The first person I ever came out to fully respects my sexuality, and is now my supportive partner and has been for a long time.

      What my journey has done for me is made me open to others, able to listen and accept. I know now that you can’t expect others to be or behave like you would. We’re all different, and thank goodness for that.

      • “[G]ender, cis or otherwise, does not factor in for me in choice of partner.”

        This! Every time I see another person describe this way of experiencing attraction, I yell “Me, too!” at my computer. Like you folks could hear me and it would make you happy, too. Another reason I love Autostraddle — I get reminders that I am not alone in the world.

        Also, hi! I am glad you came over your rough road to an expression you are comfortable and happy with.

      • Love your response… You are lucky you are able to surrounded by such a diverse group of friends.

        You kinda addressed my question in the middle there, when you talked about how you express the gay parts of yourself. Thank you. That’s really all I was wondering about.

        You seem really comfortable with yourself and confident in who you are. Instead of being bitter or victimized or ostracized, you like, claim who you are. It’s good stuff.

    • Hello, I am queer and in a long-term open relationship with a straight cis guy. I actually didn’t get as heavily involved in queer culture until having been with him a few years – I was originally from the middle of nowhere in a homophobic country, he was my first everything, and a few years later I realised that I couldn’t just ignore my queer side forever. It was tumultuous especially because he is amazing and is a close companion, and I didn’t want to throw him out just because sexually I preferred the opposite of him. But he has been very supportive and honestly is way better at accepting my sexuality than many queermos (who already have a problem with me being *brown* let alone me dating a dude).

      I relate more to queer culture than straight culture: I feel very out of place in straight scenes especially because they often come with a lot of misconceptions about sexuality, gender, and relationships. Stuff that makes me want to whack them over the head and go STOP BEING SO MYOPIC DEAR GOD. But, like a few people have mentioned here (and unlike what is written in the recap), there have been queer people that have been very anti me being involved. They think I am an impostor. There have been vicious rumours about how I “lie to lesbians to sleep with them”. I have had the misfortune of being at a party where someone said the only reason lesbians have to worry about STIs is because of the “dirty bisexuals who fuck women and then go home to sleep with their boyfriends”. GAH.

      It’s more frustrating, in a sense, because you kinda *expect* straight culture to be alienating – yet queer culture, for all its posturing about being “accepting” and “radical” and blah blah, is still deep in its own prejudices. Biphobia is only the start of it. Either way I’m a freakshow.

      As for marriage: My personal view is that marriage should cease being a State matter. All these legal rights that are only accessible by marriage – why? Why not let people make up their own contracts, nominate their own next of kin (however they are related)? I grew up in a culture that prioritised companionship and caretaking ability as choices of mates, a culture that saw marriage as an alliance of families (thanks to the person in The Peculiar Kind that brought this up) – and am now in a culture where your ideal marriage mate is the person you fuck best. Which makes no sense to me. Just because you get me hot and bothered doesn’t mean I’m going to trust you with my property or medical rights, and just because I’m not sexually drawn to you doesn’t mean I don’t value your companionship and partnership.

      Marriage was almost on the table for me because I have been stuck in bridging visa hell for YEARS (applying for Australian permanent residency), not being able to hold down a decent job or gets grants & scholarships until my application was processed and when the hell would that be, and at one point Immigration was hinting that I should just look at another visa option already. About the only thing available that I qualified for was a marriage visa. My partner and I are defacto, which could have been enough, but apparently marriage speeds up a chunk of the process. The timing wasn’t right and I didn’t want to add more stress (I was moving to the Bay Area for grad school) but it was a serious possibility.

      So to hear gay people say that I shouldn’t get married because I would let the movement down? When marriage is possibly the one thing that would help me *survive*? FUCK YOU. Go get yourself into immigration limbo – or better yet, campaign to your politicians for better migration policy because we sure as hell can’t – before you try to presume to tell us what would be good for the “community”. So much for “community” when you won’t even fucking take care of your own.

      • Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was struck by what you said about marriage ceasing to be a state matter. I completely agree. It is ludicrous that Western society leans so heavily on a state-sanctioned form of pair-bonding as the basis for everything, from securing a loan to medical insurance to immigration, as you pointed out. It’s archaic and it allows for all kinds of interference in our lives. I wish everyone could choose to form relationships and live wherever and however they need to, independently of this kind of contract.

        It is quite bizarre that marriage is supposed to be a romantic fairy tale, joining perfectly compatible sexual partners, it’s meant to last until we are about a hundred years old, and also the basis for all our financial, social, reproductive, adoption, work and household arrangements. No wonder there is so much divorce. That’s an awful lot to put on any relationship, no matter how much you want to be there for one another.

        I’m deeply impressed by people like Kacy and Cori, who manage to show a partnership in which they are so wonderfully supportive of one another and keep their integrity intact while being filmed during their most vulnerable time. Theirs is a form of marriage I would happily sign up for, and it’s crazy that anyone could think that the same-sex nature of it makes it any less valid than an opposite-sex marriage, especially one that was rushed into.

    • “Do you still do gay events and gay stuff? Or….not?”

      It very much depends on how inclusive the community is in your area, I guess.

      I had quite bad luck with that and didn´t feel welcome at all. At first there were some dismissive ways because I was young and from a small town where there was no LGBT+ support at all, so the most girls at my university based LGBT+ group just assumed I was some kind of a lesbian in a process, that I eventually would come around, that I would relabel myself. But after I had a boyfriend some of them started to be rude to my face. Pretty much like Sarah or Creatrix Tiara stated I was asked to leave meetings because they found my presence inaproppriate. And in the end I left for good. You simly just can not continue to be involved in something that might be close to your hart but feels awful in your daily expirience.

      It wasn´t all bad though, because I met my first girlfriend there who is to this day one of my closest friends and just a wonderful, wonderful person.

      As far as the community goes, I mostly engage in online stuff because there is no real bi-space to be found in my area. But I do attend pride events and what not. Although it´s also not always fun to be at but I go anyways.

      Oh and also: I don´t call it “GAY EVENTS” or “GAY STUFF”, I call it “EQUALITY” (or “QUEER”) for obvious reasons. And I must confess that calling things “gay” des offend me a lot. It might not metter to you, but being dismissed and excluded even trough language does hurt. Please keep in mind that even such small things do affect bisexual people because it happens to us all the time – even when we are vocal and open about our identities, we remain invisible to most of the people.

  5. ARGH my brothers music was used in this episode but I can’t tell him because I’m not out to him yet! This makes coming out to him next month even more exciting!

    Whitney and Sara’s wedding made me all happy and warm inside while Romi’s was more painful than that time I had a root canal without anaesthetic.

  6. When I heard Romi say “You can’t even control it, even if it’s the wrong time or the wrong place or the wrong situation,” all I could imagine happening for the next 20 minutes were someone telling her to look around her world, pretty baby.

  7. When I saw Romi this June at the Denver Dyke March, she said into the mic with her hair extensions, “I’m happy to be here, if you’ll still have me, I guess” which I thought was weird at the time but now it makes sense!

  8. I have to admit. I cried watching Sara and Whitney’s wedding. Especially when they are interviewing Whitney and she is crying talking about how beautiful Sara was on the wedding day. I’m a sucker. I hated these 2 as a couple at first but I kind of love them now.

    As for Romi—ugh. If there is a 4th season I can see Ilene keeping her on for the ‘drama’. But she makes me sick. I completely understand where Sara is coming from. Its so easy for straight people to marry on a whim, but couples like Sara and Whitney who are truly in love can’t even have a LEGAL marriage in California. And I have to say, the way Romi was acting during the ceremony was either completely fake (“I’m so in love I can’t even stand up straight and I have to hang onto him”) or she is/was back to drinking or on drugs. She didn’t look right.

    And excuse me. “Husbands and wives. That’s what the world is for!”

    Romi, you’re a stupid fucking cunt.

  9. I wish we’d kind of seen more of Sada’s relationship with her mum. Because I can really see my parents being like hers, sitting through my wedding (if I ever get married) with a face on them or crying the whole way through. Especially when she was sitting on the lawn. That was mean and sad.

    Romi can go fuck herself. Bisexuals, if they give two fucks about the community, should not get married.

    • I don’t agree with this. I think it’s an important and beautiful statement when bisexuals in a male/female relationship (or indeed heterosexuals) choose not to get married because people in same-sex relationships can’t, but I can’t grudge anyone their piece of happiness if they do want to go for it. I want there to be more joy to go around, not less.

    • Trans people in my country, and most other EU countries, are forced to be sterilized if they want to transition (which I personally think is a way bigger infrigement on someone’s rights than denying them marriage). If I said that genderqueers and trans* allies, if they give two fucks about the community, shouldn’t dare to procreate lest they be branded selfish assholes, would you agree with me?

      I’m pretty sure your answer would be “hell no”, which proves that your argument isn’t rooted in a sense of logic but rather in plain old biphobia.

      (And if your answer would actually be “why yes”, you’re scary. And stupid.)

  10. Welp, I give dustyromi a year, tops.

    I didn’t even see the episode (I haven’t watched any of this season, deliberately) but this MAKES ME SO ANGRY. At least she wasn’t at Whitney and Sara’s wedding to be the center of attention there…

    I just ugh she doesn’t even realize the privilege she’s getting having the ability to run off and get married to a guy she’s been dating for a month (for the second time, but still). Usually I try not to bitch about this sort of thing but here I am. Bitching.

    • I don’t see the privilege she has being any greater than a straight person… No one hates straight people for that right?

      She’s obviously has a lot of problems. Does it seem like she’s really happy if she got demolished with that first guy she dated (on tv), ran back to Kelsey, whom she used to babysit (on tv), and is marrying some dude from her past the same day Whitney is getting married?

      Let’s not forget, she banged Whitney (on tv) and Whitney rejected her.

      I think honestly she is just a little bit out of control with her emotions. Not to mention she also has to deal with bipolar disorder. Which is not a good set up for making good life choices.

      She probably shouldn’t be on tv. But she has. Just leave this sad person alone so she can gain some perspective.

      • It’s not her fault she’s ABLE to marry a dude. It’s that she should know how it affects everyone else, that she has the ability to run off to Vegas and get LEGALLY married on a whim, while her contemporaries (fellow “celesbians”) don’t have that right.

        She’s not even acknowledging that the queers who made her “famous” (she’s not famous) don’t have the rights she does. And that’s what pisses me off. I mean, my straight sister feels weird about the fact that she’s married and so many of her friends don’t get to be. You’d think that Romi would be a little more sensitive about the issue instead of “Husbands and wives. That’s what the world is for!”

        Fucking bullshit.

          • It’s reality tv though – they have a history of selectively editing lines and putting words in people’s mouths. I wouldn’t discount her just yet.

          • Just read her lips. She said those words…unless they photoshopped her face in the video. Ugh…honestly Romi is even driving me crazy. It’s contagious.

          • Don’t underestimate editing. Various fan videos on youtube has shown how easy it is to get clips that make it sound like they’re saying whatever you want it to say no matter how unlikely. Also if you mouth “olive juice” it sounds like “i love you”. It’s possible and has been done before.

          • I work in Television and yes it is crazy all you can do in an editing room but making someone says something she didn’t say by modifying original footages is forbidden and Romi could sue them if that was the case but I absolutely doubt it.
            Why would you create from scratch a dumb sentence for Romi to say in order to make her look like an ass when 99% of what she says does the job very well?

        • I don´t hate straight people for their privileges, but I do hate those who deny equal rights to everybody. I hate them for making a diffrence between the genders of the partners I fell in love with. Why does something matters to them what does not make any diffrence to my heart, brain and pants? Why the parnter of one gender is treated diffrently than a partner of diffrent gender?

          As a bisexual I am very aware of the privileges because I may or may not have access to them and the reason for that does not make any sense to me at all. It is so stupid, but it has a huge impact on my life.

          Especially when your girlfriend is aware that you technicaly could have it “easy” and you can not make her believe that you are willingly give up the privileges for her. You know, when she feels like she not only competes against other genders, the expectations of society but also against “the easy way out”, when she does not believe that she alone is all you want.

          Can I cry in fury now, please?

      • yeah I kinda hate straight people for their privilege to get married. That’s why I turn down any and all wedding invitations from straighties (except for family).

        But then I’m a queer separatist at heart, so…

  11. About the Hunter Valentine tryout, Aimee was playing guitar (Vero’s the bass) and while it would be a bit different, a guitarist can replace a keyboard player without too much trouble.

    What was that about Vero still trying out though? She’s brings the cool and she increases the sex appeal of the band as a whole by at least a 1000 points (on the scale I just made up). If Kiyomi lets her go she’s nuts.

  12. You know, I used to honestly think Romi believes the stuff she spews. Like she honestly believes that everyone turned on her because she’s with a man… LOL! But I can’t believe she can’t see that them deciding to get married the day before Whitney and Sara’s wedding could never have been looked as anything but a desperate plea for attention.

    Anyway the wedding was sweet enough to melt my cold heart, I even got a tear in my eye. Definitely, with the exclusion of the Romi none-sense, the best ep of the season. PS I think Laiomi are freaking awesome and I can totally see the Paris and Nicole reference fro Lamanda (less ditsy though)

  13. Romi will be upset when she realizes this means her free Dinah Shore fees and hotel are no more.

    And the scene of Whitney getting her hair done demonstrates how unnatural dreadlocks are on most Caucasian people. All that broken hair!

  14. oh my god! i read this specifically to read you take apart Dusty’s vows. which are the most hilarious ridiculous vows i have ever heard.



    but i guess his vows are beneath contempt. whcih is legit.

    i laughed very hard tho. it’s perfect that he is so outright coo coo cocoa puffs.

    and romi successfully turned this lesbian reality TV show (the only one!) into a straight reality TV show completely with instatrash wedding. so.

    she lives for her own reflection.

  15. Kiyomi and Lauren r TOO CUTE!!!! I wish it was their wedding, or Whitney with someone else…hahaha that remark about Sara having lots of eyebrows to pencil in was hilarious!
    What was Sara on about tho “biggest gay movement of our time” LOL i doubt her wedding is any kind of movement, did she forget Cheney’s daughter, Ellen n other real celebrities…or ppl tht r liked…..
    Id really like to follow up on Kiyomi n Laurens relationship.

  16. Oh my god, the transcription of Sara and Whitney’s conversation about her skin suit is so hilarious. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be funny in the episode, but I was laughing so hard during the recap. I don’t even understand what the point of that statement was? Like what does this have to do with anything?

    Sara: “I feel like the inside of my body is gonna jump out of my body and then there’s gonna be a little bodysuit lying there.”
    Whitney: “Ugh, that’s a horrible image!”
    Sara: “If I could just rip —”
    Whitney: “Just a skin suit hanging out on the ground?”

    And then the image caption about wrapping your head around something…oh my god…so funny!!

    • Yes I feel like that conversation made me feel like they were likable and funny for one of the first times ever! More of this, please! Like, I feel like that’s where the actual potential of reality tv, if there is any, lies — showing people being fun weirdos in ways that don’t necessarily pop up in scripted shows, truth being sometimes funnier and nicer and weirder than fiction and all. But it almost never goes there; it’s always veering between cliches spoken with intense emotions and shrill, boring fights.

  17. This is the first season that I didn’t watch the episodes and just read the recaps. I have to say that I feel that I didn’t miss anything, and I got so much more! These are just so funny, hilarious, and witty. I’m sad the show is not on anymore because I won’t be able to read these for another year.

  18. “Romi, if you truly gave a flying shit about same-sex marriage — as you claim to, and as I believe you once truly did — you wouldn’t be so eager to jump on teevee or The Huffington Post to badmouth your entire community, broadcasting to the world that all the lesbians who claim to believe in equality are actually just hypocrites who shun their own bisexual sisters when said sisters have relationships with men.”

    Except there actually is a ton of biphobia in the lesbian community, much of which has to do with shaming bisexuals who date men:

    I don’t see a problem with calling out hatred and bigotry, even if it’s coming from the queer “community”. While Romi’s character on this show seems pretty douchey and delusional, I think she’s right about how there’s a lot of lesbians shaming bisexual women who have intimate relationships with men, in addition to just shaming bisexuals in general. There’s a point when lesbians need to quit whining about how bisexuals have “straight privilege” and how they’re just playing along with the patriarchy and just let people love who they want to love, even if it’s those godawful, oppressive cis men. Queer is queer is queer. No need to be so juvenile and turn it into a contest to see who can be the queerest of them all.

  19. I try to believe that most of the people looking like idiots on this show is because of editing, but that’s increasingly hard to believe about Romi.

    Is there a pool for how long the dustyandromi thing will last?

  20. Well.

    I thought this season was the best so far. Whitney and Sarahara had a lot of lesbian realness and I actually thought we did see more of their back-stories this time. I thought Sarahara’s storyline with her mum was well done and showed her and Whitney to have a much stronger relationship than previously indicated. Their vows were lovely. “I promise to make our marriage something of evolution and adventure, so together we can both grow and experience the world to its fullest potential.” Isn’t that what we all want out of our relationships?

    Kiyomi – started out thinking she was an utter douchebag but ended up liking her. I think it’s hard to be any kind of leader and although she did show some insensitivity towards Somer, she was ultimately trying to manage the band. She and Lauren are very sweet together and I hope they will be on season four. Amanda can bugger off – why would Lauren have such a snippy unsupportive best friend?

    Kacy and Cori – I had a lot of tears and feelings for them. Kacy makes me want to be a better partner and person. She is so unconditionally supportive of Cori and their relationship is very real. They remind me of myself and my partner but I am not nearly as loving or affectionate towards my girlfriend. I really hope they are on the next season and that they are able to conceive another child. They will be wonderful parents.

    Thank you Riese and Team for the recaps. They have been insightful and hilarious as per usual.

    Who hates the wind?

    This guy.

  21. OK, first of all, I really loved this episode, and I loved how you guys acknowledged that the ending was well done, even if you don’t like the show overall. Because otherwise I would have felt pretty stupid about crying twice! Once when Sara was on the grass talking about her sister’s wedding, and then when Whitney teared up. Maybe I teared up more than twice. I’m not sure.

    As for the the grass scene, yeah, I guess we don’t know the back-story to that – like maybe her family was with her all day and then her mom really did just go for a 30 min walk – but I definitely didn’t really interpret it as Sara “thinking” things “might” go wrong. As a person with siblings I understand how hard it is to hear the excitement with which my parents talk about my siblings’ relationships. Always curious about who they’re seeing/how everything’s going, buying gifts for the boyfriends/girlfriends when they go on vacation, etc. They treat my relationships completely differently and I can definitely imagine Sara’s Mom being way more doting over her sister’s wedding, spending hours on her hair and make-up, and the contrast being very painful for Sara. It doesn’t hurt when people are “a bit late” and you’re “stressed”, it hurts when things aren’t the same, when the excitement is definitely dull and forced for you. That moment just definitely hit home for me.

  22. I am not a fan of Romi, at all. But I do think that it is important to exercise some empathy here, as difficult as it may be. She is mentally ill, guys. Like truly mentally ill. The things she does and says, in my professional experience, are beyond her control. So while it is infuriating to hear and see the things she says and does, it is important to remember that she is an EXTREMELY wounded/troubled human being (for whatever background reason). That is all I am saying. I’m a little disturbed by the viscousness towards her. I get it. But I don’t like it, even if I don’t like her.

    • Thank you! While these girls are marketed by Showtime as “characters”, it’s important to remember that they are not playing fictional characters on TV. These are actual human beings with feelings, and as we found out last season, Romi is bipolar. That doesn’t give her the right to say cruel things about the queer community, but it’s important to take what she says with a grain of salt. That said, while Dusty doesn’t seem like my kind of guy, the two of them do seem to love each other in a silly way. Whether they last or not, they’re happy at the moment, so good on them. They just need to stay well the fuck away from any more seasons of TRLW.

  23. i think i can empathise with romi finally. She obviously had a connection with dusty a long time ago and they’ve boomeranged back together. I think sometimes the queer community can be pretty bitchy just like this lot have established on this show. Does it really matter who you fall in love with, obviously romi falls in love more so than some or has (like a dog) separation anxiety. Comes from a empty childhood really. No one is perfect. Whitney and sara have been cunts the whole way through and what have finally matured ??? I think the gay community (a select scene) label people more so than others. It makes them feel better about themselves as well. One of my favourite films is The incredibly true adventures of two girls in love. Now i am sure that director was in r/ship with a woman, then got married to a man. Not to mention actress laurel holloman who was married to man and is now with women. Who gives a rats ass. I hope romi can find a nice hippy love fest and mellow out a bit, would be good for her soul.

  24. So I love these recaps, I read them instead of doing homework. I hardcore lol in the library. It causes problems. People get jealous. Sorry I’m not sorry.

    I don’t like commenting but I think I’m a little queezy about the Romi hate train for some reason annnnnd I watched this episode with a buncha straight friends who were watching it for the first time and also jumped on that train like SO QUICK. Based on these comments especially, people seem to straight up HATE Romi. I think bisexuals could have been represented MUCH better on the show (the show that boasts going “BI-coastal” TEHE LOL. ugh -_-). But still it kinda seems like her closest friends turned against her in a very real way, whether or not she deserved it we really can’t know. I think the words “She’s a piece of shit human being” were used by one of her ex-besties/ex-kinda-girlf-not-really/Whitney to describe her to a group of people that had yet to meet her personally. I like how you point out that people dislike her because of the person she is and not the person she married, but it is interesting how easy it seems for everyone to hate on Romi for being a shitty human being on a reality show… in which most of the characters are portrayed as shitty human beings as well. I do sorta feel for Romi, who is obviously an attention/fame thirsty human, if only because she’s getting the brunt of the criticism that could go for all the people on this show (except Kasey and Cori because they are superhuman angels from the abyss duh). Am I delusional?

    • No, you’re not delusional. Some of her actions have been shit, especially the part where she got married the day before Whitney and Sara, and the part where she tried to turn her own shitty behaviour around on Kelsey. HOWEVER, the level of nastiness toward her is becoming a little unbearable and inhumane. It’s hard to watch, and my heart goes out to her. (Even though she brought this shit on herself.)

      • I agree that the level of nastiness is out of hand. Very few of the girls on this show seem like particularly nice, down to earth, politically aware people, quite frankly. I don’t see Kiyomi and Amanda being anymore ‘adorable’ than Dusty and Romi. Kiyomi has had a bunch of asshole moments as well, and I have no idea about Amanda’s personality except that she’s tall and hotter than Ali (which for all I know could be the main thing Kiyomi likes).

        People tend to act out/act weird when they are hurt. I don’t know what Romi’s relationship is with Sara, Whitney, etc., but clearly something went down there that was deeply troubling for her, and is preoccupying her thoughts and emotions, and that she has to justify in weird or unrelated ways because she can’t wrap her head around or understand the real reason. Maybe the reason is too complicated or maybe there isn’t one – to say it’s obviously her behavior is unfair, because you have to see the ways in which how healthy your friendships and relationships are might affect your behavior. Maybe if Whitney/Sara were better friends to her in the first place she wouldn’t act like a psycho around them? Yes, she says stupid shit without an awareness of herself or politics, but sometimes we all do, and don’t think for a moment that Ilene-fucking-Chaikan didn’t think it would make better TV to catch people with their foot in their mouth.

        Anyway, I have no particular love for Romi and ignored/fast-forwarded through many of her parts (even in Season 2 the “I HaVE TO GET SOBER! KELSEY IS SUCH A CHILD AND ALSO HAS TO GET SOBER”! drove me batshit). That said one might also call Sara petty for, though surrounded by friends, family, and about to get married in a beautiful ceremony in a beautiful place, putting down Romi for her stupid Vegas wedding (as far as I could tell she didn’t even have anyone there? Why not just ignore the news and not bother with it t all?). But Sara was hurt by something Romi did and so we understand the little crazy.

        I hope Romi learns to control her emotions and deal with the things that happened in her past with her friendships, in a way that’s not destructive for those around her. Really I wish her the best and I’m not into personal/character attacks to make a political point re: representation of bisexuals or what have you.

  25. As much hate Romi is getting one has to wonder if it is any different from any person celebrity or otherwise on television getting hate.

    I mean at this point there is no stopping it right now in our culture where too many people want to be famous but cannot handle the heat of criticism which can and usually is downright nasty. I personally won’t say anything because I don’t care much for the show but I really enjoy the recaps here on AutoStraddle.

    As for dealing with someone with an mental illness, don’t be on tv, seriously. Mental illness like addiction has its stigmas that a lot people really do not have empathy for. I had friends with mental illness and addiction that I had to cut off from my life because their behavior was just not safe for me and my family. I still care for the person but I just couldn’t.

    Maybe Romi does not see the hurt she is causing but people like her never do. It takes hitting rock bottom or awareness of having a problem and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT. I just hope she and everyone on the cast are happy and find peace.

    • I’m sorta thinking the same thing now. She went bonkers because she’s still in love with Whitney. That, hand in hand with her NPD or BPD or HPD and bipolar issues, has made her insane. Lets not forget the amount of damage Whitney’s done, too. Remember how crazy poor Rachel got last year?

  26. Bisexual…Bipolar… anyone else see a connection here ?

    Romi has made it very clear that she is Bipolar, anyone who gets involved with her is fully aware of this (unless they are living in a vortex at the little white wedding chapel )……….they are all adults …even Dusty.

    Whitney and Kelsey had the good sense for themselves to get out and move on …Bi is as Bi does.

    BIG UP to Autostraddle for the hilarous recaps and to IC for the education.

  27. Awesome crazy episode. The show is like a window to hell.

    Also, why didn´t anyone notice the baby Vero(?) was carrying when HV visited Lamanda??? That was adorable!! Wish we saw more of that :/ Does anyone know who´s baby that was?

  28. “who, like me, once dated both men and women (and tends to go for boyish girls and girlish boys) and who, like me, is tall, and who, like me, has been known to have sex for all the wrong reasons and who, like me, doesn’t know how to put on makeup.”


    Also is Romi the new Jenny? Someone push that fool into a pool.

  29. That venue was beautiful and Sarahara’s makeup was GORGEOUS.

    Poor Romi not only undermined her community, her marriage, and herself when she trilled “Husbands and wives. That’s what the world is for,” she decimated any possibility of a person taking her seriously or treating her with respect.

    That was some Maggie Gallagher-caliber shit right there.

    • I didn’t even catch that when I watched the episode. I felt sorry for her for most of the season but it’s just over for her. Please no more.

      And did anyone else let out a laugh/puke when the chapel lady said “Blah blah blah, you are obviously in love” in reaction to Dusty’s vows which included something about them rocketing to Mars? (I seriously expected to come her and find AS had that transcripted.)

    • Right on. I totally recognized that filty NOM-Gallagher bullshit cheer: “Husbands and wives! That’s what the world’s for!”

      Vile. Just vile. And perfectly illustrative of her vacuous, self-centered worldview.

      But, on a related note, although I believe that IFC makes all decisions based on how they’ll positively benefit her career– and FSM knows– we’ve plenty of that in her “work,” it occurred to me that IFC may have been trying to make a political statement in favor of same-sex marriage by contrasting the beauty and sincerity of Whit-Sada’s lovely marriage, with DustyRomi’s cheesy, quickie, dime-a-dozen, Vegas wedding.

      The latter is the kind of union that NOM-supporters approve of: One Man-One Woman-No Armadillo!; blessed by God; part of the foundation that keeps this nation solid.

      I also bet that a lot of NOM supporters have had marriages (and divorces) equally as tacky as DustyRomi’s, in Vegas even, so they could relate. The inclusion of that farce of a marriage, may lead them to think about how poorly their own similar marriages turned out for them and their families. Of course, in following such a line of thinking, I am granting those NOM-mers a far greater ability to think critically, and am almost preposterous capacity for self-awareness.

      Because by reviewing their own poorly considered relationships, they might realize that if anyone’s destroying the sanctity of “traditional marriage,” it’s sure as hell the folks who get married (and quickly divorced)in the manner that Dusty and Romi chose.

      And if the obvious distinction between the sincerity of these two unions was lost on NOM-mers, it sure as hell wasn’t lost on the rest of the audience who doesn’t buy the NOM schtick.

      Furthermore, repeatedly including scenes in which Sara’s mom’s extended and vocal lack of support, and the pain it caused her daughter, emphasizes one of the very common trials and tragedies that same-sex couples have to overcome simply to be married. Or simply to be out. Ilene made it clear that time was passing and Mrs. SarasMom was not making an effort to reconsider her beliefs and find a way to accept a daughter who obviously loves her very much.

      That must have hit home with a great number of viewers, who probably wished for Whitney and Sara’s sake, that Mom would get over her own shit, and accept her daughter and that daughter’s love. Sara’s mom made it all about her. And that was perfectly plain.

      I don’t often ascribe compassionate motives to IFC, but in this case, I will. I liked the way she played this one.

  30. So, as far as this goes:

    “only a straight person would fall on her side of this conversation”

    Speaking on behalf of all straight people, false.

    (and I can speak on behalf of all straight people because this is the internet and that is how things work.)

  31. So, I have a few thoughts about this season and, well, I don’t actually know anyone else who watches this show so–

    I just can’t warm up to Whitney and Sara as a couple. However, seeing their obvious commitment and history contrasted with Romi’s…uh, whatever was the best argument for gay marriage one could ever come up with so in all seriousness, bravo Ilene and producers on that.

    Same comment, Kacy and Cori. I love these two.

    I still don’t like Kiyomi that much but she’s is good TV (and I do like the rest of her band unreservedly) so I hope they stick around next season.

    Will Romi be eligible to be a cast member next season? You know what I’m sayin. (and if so, I hope she’s not back together with poor Kelsey. Who I do hope is on next season.)

    Did it piss anyone else off that Alyssa’s screen caption was “Whitney’s ex-girlfriend”? They were also roommates and close friends. That just made her “Sneak out the back” joke look unnecessarily petty.

  32. Riese I really like your recaps, I always smile and agree with what you say. Thanks for recapping the show! You rock!

    Ohh and do you also have a crush on Scarlett? “WHO FOR SOME REASON DOESN’T WANT TO BE ON THIS SHOW ALL THE TIME, DESPITE HOW LOVELY HER FACE LOOKS ON OUR SCREEN” haha I’m like…yeah exactly my thought!

    I’m not ashamed to say that in that last photo of Whitney and Sara I was like “Scarlett dancing in the background wow!”

  33. Congrats to Whitney and Sara! I am glad to have seen them grow and evolve over the seasons. And NGL, I <3'd Whitney's boots!

    Also- I feel for Sara myself. It's a little heartwrenching to see her and her mom struggle…Reminds me a lot of what I went through when I first came out.

    As for Romi, I will say this- biphobia is definitely a real thing; but in Romi's case, it's all in her crazymaking brain of hers. And I am throughly convinced that it's time for a series for non-monosexuals at this point. We'll never see a diverse or positive portrayal of us in the media.

    As for Kacy and Cori- I hope they have their own little family someday. They are such a loving couple and I know they will make amazing parents.

    I also like Kiyomi and Lauren together. After seeing their attempts at romance crash and fail, it is nice to see them fall for one another and act like two schoolgirls.

    And- I kinda have a crush on Vero myself. She's cute and has a good head on her shoulders – two traits I find extremely desirable.

    Thanks for these recaps, Riese…It made the pain of watching this train wreck that much easier to bear.

  34. i could sit here and tell you all the bad feelings that romi gives me as a bisexual woman who is in a relationship with a man but instead i’m going to just ask this: if romi is living for herself and doesn’t give a fuck about anybody else then why the fuck is she subjecting all of us to herself

    like, i wanna live for myself too

        • My point is, you’re singling out “lesbians,” when it’s not specifically lesbians. You’re generalizing. There are many diverse communities out there full of people with various sexual orientations, not just “lesbian.” It is not their sexual orientation that is being mean, it is an individual being mean to another individual, regardless of the communities and or sexual orientations they adhere to.

          • I completely understand what you are saying and I am well aware that there is a vast array of sexual orientations. I was just trying to convey that they were mean “people”. I should’ve just said people instead of lesbian even though…ugh ok should have just said MEAN PEOPLE. whoopsie

    • Its less about who I hang out with, I don’t hang out with mean people thus the people I hang out with don’t judge me for being bi. But in social spheres, queer social spheres included, the hate for bis can be mighty pervasive.

    • Yeah, I did. I never said that I don’t have queer friends, or gay friends, or lesbian friends — just that I don’t involve myself in the larger queer community, aside from Autostraddle. I’m not willing to invest that amount of emotional energy anymore because it is so not worth it to me.

      Bisexuals being bullied in the queer community is nothing new, nor is it isolated. It is really fucking pervasive and hard to not internalize when you’re surrounded by it.

  35. I thought this episode was pretty interesting. In the last season, it was revealed that Romi had bipolar disorder. I believe that’s why she does the things that she does. We cannot judge her to harshly. I can understand why she doesn’t think rationally. I mean who cares who she goes with. Now the question is should she be on the real L word next season? Hell no! She’s with a man now, it’s time for a new member to come on the show. I could understand Sara’s frustration and anger, but I thought she didn’t have to text her that awful text message. To each it’s own. They’re not friends anymore, if Romi wanted to get marry to Dusty, that’s her business and it’s goes the same way for Sara.
    As for Sara and Whitney, I wish them all the happiness for their wedding. It was really beautiful. I just hope Sara’s mom can come to a realization that her daughter is gay and she’s never gonna change. It is what it is.
    For Kaci and Cori, it’s a good thing that they’re looking into building themselves. They are my favorite on this show. Makes me wanna find a love like that.

  36. Ok, I’ll leave you all be.
    Thank you for some of the good , really good laughs this week (and somehow I missed last weeks)
    I loved Whitney’s wedding outfit. She looked super hot.
    I also thought it was refreshing to see giddy new feelings of falling for someone instead of drunken hookups that end in yelling. So yay for Lauren and Kiyomi.
    I hope Kacy and Cori can recover from the losses they suffered, and really do become a whole family unit in themselves again, because hands down they never annoyed me, they had a fantastic quiet humor,and seemed really great. I wouldn’t mind meeting Coco either!!
    Thanks for the recaps. So nice to have something to look forward to, and ‘runway of rouge’ had me cackling so fast, I knew this would be another great read.

  37. As I actually got found out about this show this past summer and watched the previous seasons about a week prior to the new season beginning this is what I have to say.

    At first I kind of sympathized with/for Romi, because it seems to me that she is just looking for someone to love her and she is going to do whatever it takes to find that. If her and Dusty are happy, more power to them.

    I think Lauren and Kiyomi are adorable, and I hope things work out with them, I have liked Kiyomi from the beginning, although I do think they should have spent a little more time with the other members of Hunter Valentine so we could have gotten to know them a little more.

    I have no thoughts about Amanda to be honest.

    Cori and Kacy. Sigh. I just want to hug them and make them cupcakes filled with love and rainbows and babies. I hope when the time is right again for them to consider starting a family again that they are met with no issues.

    After watching season two with all the drama between Whitney and Sara, I found it rather surprising that they were actually together, especially after the episode with Whitney yelling at her in the bar, I was baffled to say the least. The wedding was beautiful, and I hope it works out, but if something happens and they don’t make it, I won’t be surprised.

    All in all, it was entertaining, I suppose, although I am easily amused and I think if they have a season 4 they should think about relocating to New York for the majority of the show, although I still want to see Cori and Kaci, get new people and bring back Mikey from season 1, I liked her.

  38. “obviously the lesbian wedding is gonna be better even without Requisite Disapproving Parent because the lesbian wedding has two girls in it, and the straight wedding only has one girl in it, and everybody knows that two girls are better than one girl, because girls are better than everything else in the world, except string cheese.”

    < THIS

  39. i kind of liked how the season ended. everyone’s happy. even romi!

    the double-wedding felt strange story-wise in terms of juxtaposition and storytelling. it’s strange in the sense that it feels bittersweet

    if the TRLW ended in that almost perfect happy ending, and there would never be a next season, romi seems kind of sad and lonely. or she’s lonely because she alienated herself from everyone else just because she did that shotgun wedding with dusty. it’s so attention-craving and sad and desperate. ugh, feelings. i enjoyed this recap thoroughly and i lol’d a lot. also i am late to make a comment, but that’s alright.

  40. OMG. Watching Romi and Dusty has honestly been the most painful experience I’ve had with this show. How is it possible that so much douchebaggery can be compacted into one human being? Literally everything about Dusty is irritating as fuck… His face, his smile, his voice, the way he talks and laughs, his clothes. I just don’t understand. Then again, maybe they are perfect for each other.

    BESIDES THAT, Sara and Whitney’s wedding was adorbs.

    The only person this episode needed more of was Kelsey. MORE KELSEY, LESS DUSTY C’MON!

  41. I loved this season & I hope Romi is not back for season 4. After her ridiculous comment “Husbands and wives. That’s what the world is for!” the last show she needs to be on is The Real L Word. Let her be happy in the world that was meant for her and her husband.

  42. Aimee is an amazing musician. She is a guitarist primary but also plays other instruments. Somer was shown on the show playing keyboard primary, but she did play guitar as well. I think the Hunter Valentine 4th has to be a multi-instrumentalist.

    Aimee is fucking rad though. Go Toronto girls!

  43. I do hope there is a season 4 for the show. If not, the Real L Word had a great run. I also have a funny feeling that Showtime is regrouping its options for their programs in the long run.

    If there is another one. Showtime will need to get an all new cast and have Whitney and Sara making cameo appearances. That would be the only way to keep the Real L Word fresh and not stale.

    Just as long as Romi is not in it. She was giving me such a headache.

    • Ugh! She irritates the shit out of me with her crying wolf (or in this case biphobia).

      And what irritates me more is that folks from the bi community are cosigning her without even knowing how much of an azzhole she is!

      I hope Romi does NOT come back if there’s another season of TRLW.

        • “I have to say this, and people must know, I am actually heavily under contract to what I can even defend myself in. I’m taking attacks on things that did not happen timing wise and I am not allowed to honestly defend myself. I can say this – and this is a fact no matter what the show has shown – I did not cheat on anybody on this season.”

          – Romi, in the interview

          Romi also claimed her and Dusty’s wedding did NOT take place the same weekend as Sara and Whitney’s.

          Additionally, I got the sense from watching the seasons that Whitney did cheat on her girlfriends, or at least lead girls on into thinking the relationship was more exclusive than it was. I think it was pretty telling when Sara said something like, “I would be committed to you if I knew I could sign a contract that said you wouldn’t fall in love with anybody else, you wouldn’t cheat…etc.” I always got the sense that Whitney and Sara both cheated on each other (from earlier seasons when they harped on and on about not being able to “trust” each other, and Whitney’s friends calling Sara “bad news”), and that Whitney potentially cheated on Sara with Romi (would be a pretty convenient explanation for the massive rift).

          Also, God, yes, she’s harping on this biphobia thing like no tomorrow, but I guess recognize she’s getting more biphobic comments via email or on less intelligent and/or less queer sites, perhaps. I mean, it also seems like every interview she’s featured in, they ask leading questions about biphobia as well. Perhaps it’s also part of the angle Ilene Chaiken wanted her to explore?

          I guess the reason I’m so passionate about defending some reality tv “star” that I don’t even know:

          Made me sad to read the Q&A regarding whether Romi would agree to be back for another season, and she said there was so much going on with her family and elsewhere in her life that she hoped would be told, yet it wasn’t told. In a way that’s what a lot of us are saying here – that it’s sad this show is portraying women as vapid, catty skin suits (to use Sara’s turn of phrase haha!), and we are falling into the trap, attacking the show’s characters (who, it being reality tv, definitely feel personally hurt and attacked by the comments, regardless of a half-assed attempt to say you’re talking about her ‘character’) for things that maybe didnt even happen in real life, rather than focusing our attacks on why this show is bad for women, and queer women especially, in a broader sense than “the women are idiots”.

          Sometimes Autostraddle does this fairly (frequent comments about ‘what do they do for a living?’ and ‘character development Ilene!’), but in Romi’s case they resorted to attacking the individual when really I think there is something deeper going on there besides the fact that she was the ‘wrong person’ to represent bisexual women.

          • From what I assessed, Whitney and Sara were just hooking up and weren’t in a serious relationship. And maybe Whitney is a bit of a player, but that’s not exactly a crime against humanity.

            Also- I am glad that Romi cleared up that she didn’t cheat on her exes. I personally think if she was single and just playing the field (and also owned up to the fact that she was bi), no one would exactly have an issue with her love life.

            And I could attack reality shows, but they’re doing what they do best- which is displaying the bowels movements of society on national TV. Compared to the stuff said about other reality shows, what I’ve read so far about this series (and the attacks on Romi) is pretty tame. The cast of Jersey Shore and Basketball Wives get trashed on a lot worse.

          • Yeah I’m pretty sure Whitney and Sara were not in a monogamous relationship until the end of Season 2 (last episode). And I am pretty sure that Whitney got a lot of shit at least in comments I saw about it and in recaps of the show.

            That being said, I wish Romi would stop with this ‘bi-phobia’ bullshit because its just that-bullshit. I don’t deny that bi-phobia exists in the community but as far as I know nobody I have talked to about this has had a problem with her orientation. They have a problem with HER. As a person.

  44. i liked sadaadaa’s dress and veil, she DOES have a nice body. but as usual her face and those catepillars above her eyes…no. romi is an asshole. she really HAD to elope with rusty on a whim (pun intended) the same weekend that whitney and eyebrows had no other option but have a SYMBOLIC, non legally binding wedding because THEIR marriage is not even recognized in their state? and romi should should NEVER set foot on this show again for having the unmitigated gall to say: “that’s what the world is for!husbands and wives!” seriously, what show does she think she’s on? that is the most privileged, insensitive, and rude thing to say on a show where it’s audience is largely comprised of people who not only can’t get married to their partners where they live (like nevada, where romi’s dizzy ass went), but could lose their jobs if their partner is not the socially prescribed heterosexual, cisgendered,normative “husband or wife”. it’s unthinkable this show would allow self-centered idiots like romi to literally proclaim that heterosexual marriages are what the world is for. GEE we’ve never had to hear THAT message before! why would a show about lesbians even give credence to that heterosexist mentality?

    she may have mental issues, but she it’s not like she’s suffering from psychosis. having a mental illness DOES NOT totally absolve someone from taking responsibility for their lives and how they treat other people. and other people shouldn’t be expected to bottomless wells of understanding who never hold competent, lucid people who happen to have mental illnesses accountable for their actions. this is not a fairytale. she know’s what her diagnosis is and has apparently previously been treated for her condition before. if she is showing signs of her illness then she needs to seek help, if not, then that’s HER choice, her fault, and her responsibility. romi was seen treating kelsey atrociously, trying to steal attention away from eyebrows and whitney’s wedding, and badmouthing lesbians as ostracizing her solely for her sexual partner. NOPE. if she ever gets over her victim complex she’s realize she’s simply been a narcisstic asshole.

  45. taryn had to run to the bathroom to throw up in the middle of this show and lindsey held her hair. perhaps it was lindsey’s fault because she made a comment about dusty’s semen on romi’s face. taryn continued to feel nauseated upon the mention of “buns in the oven”. lindsey then tucked her into bed the way jenny did to shane during season six of the l word (except lindsey is not psychotic like jenny). the two promised each other that their lives would never be like any of the boring people on the real l word, and puzzle-pieced each other while their cats purred around them, rather then shrieking and shitting in a crib in the next room the way babies would. hours later, lindsey got up to get taryn a ginger ale and enquire if she was feeling better. taryn said she was…as long as lindsey made sure that the website “dusty and” was never called up on the girls’ computer, even as a joke. the two then went to bed, dreaming of a real l word season four that was pretty much kelsey having sex with a variety of different hot girls, with nary a penis belonging to a heterosexual slab of mannnn in sight. the next morning, taryn had to go to band practice, and couldn’t help fearing that her frontperson had turned into kiyomi, and would kick her out of the band for being five minutes late.

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