Pretty Little Liars Episode 418: Not Hot, Just Bothered With Teacher


Hey let’s just fight in public where everyone can watch us including the persons trying to murder us.

Hanna confronts Spencer on the street because today looks like a nice day for a public brawl, don’t you agree? But Spencer is on a mission, ugh, GOSH HANNA, and storms off. Of course Officer Holbro-I mean, Gabe, sees this because he is now conveniently EVERYWHERE, and he’s just watching them, standing there with what I hope are donuts. He asks Hanna what that was all about, but does anyone even know what that was all about?


I had never considered a May-December thing before, but Emily if that’s what you really want…

Emily is crawling around on the floor at Ali’s house under the guise of looking for her lost earrings, which I thought was a genius excuse. Nice work, Em. And they said you were the weak link? Pssh. What do they know?

Shana instructed her that the money would be behind the movie poster of some twins (which is a nice touch for anyone who has read the books, just saying).


Barite Volante? I’m having a hard time deciphering loopy teen girl handwriting.

There, Emily finds a TON of money, and also some email addresses and a New York phone number.


There’s actually zero reason for me to include this picture in this recap, I just needed you to see Jessica make this face.


Surely I’ll be the only one to bring hummus to the lesbian potluck.

Ezra lies to Aria to go get her to buy some chick peas, which I thought was maybe the weirdest scene, like if you lie to your girlfriend to get her to go buy something, why would you grab it out of the cupboard immediately after she leaves? Just hide it behind some other canned goods and act dumb if they find it, duh. Gosh, Ezra, do I have to teach you everything about being seedy or what?


Sweet porn setup, bro.

While Aria is gone, Ezra and his super unfortunate cargo shorts go into his little trap door, down to – WAIT FOR IT – his A lair! There’s some maps, a triple monitor situation, and a whole lot of creepiness.


The PLL prop designers are killin’ it on User-Friendly Email Announcements.


Forever Intern Grace sent some episode screenshots over to Ezra, too.

He pulls up a bunch of pictures of the liars, including one of Officer Holbrook, which is leading me to believe that Officer Holbrook might not be bad?

I don’t know, there’s like 80 A’s at this point, I’m not convinced ANYONE is good.


What kind of lens length does this photographer have, for serious?


Better than a box of pasta. No, wait, nope, still not an okay idea.

Meanwhile Emily is hiding a million dollars in a bag of coffee grounds are you fucking kidding me I can’t even at all.


Word of wisdom to PLL characters: don’t get into your dark car alone at night.

And Shana gets attacked in her car, so Emily can’t get ahold of her to give her the money for Ali! I can see this ending badly.


For once, someone actually takes confidential information realistically in this show.

Hanna pulls a really solid lie about nail polish to get into Spencer’s room and finds that Spencer has been googling Ezra Fitz a lot. She also finds an email that Spencer wrote to the property management company.


Apparently I live in Fitz’s apartment building.

Spencer is in Ravenswood, about to be really dumb and break into Fitz’s old apartment when literally no one else is there and no one even KNOWS she’s there in case of emergency. Luckily, Hanna finds her there and tells her how stupid that is, and says what we’ve all basically been thinking for four seasons:



Aria is the world’s deepest sleeper.

Ezra is spying on them from a hidden camera and also a tablet, apparently, and also spying on his sleeping girlfriend to make sure she doesn’t suspect a thing.


You’d think for a psycho stalker, Ezra could hide his cameras better?

Spencer notices that there’s a camera outside of Ezra’s apartment and they bail. Wise.


I’m glad even Ezra is on-board with just being obviously creepy and scary at this point in the show.

Back at the Murderville Cabin, Aria wakes up and walks around the house to find Ezra, who just pops out of the shadows like he’s fucking Maleficent or something.

Spencer and Hanna meet up with Emily, where they discuss the idea that Ezra is A.

Everyone thinks it’s crazy. Hanna basically nails this one:



I’m sorry, Em, I can’t do that on command for ANY amount of money.

Emily shows them the money she found in Ali’s room. I’m surprised Spencer isn’t on the phone with that number immediately.


Ali found the ONE pink glowing telephone booth in all of PA.

We zoom back to the payphone, where Ali is calling Shana, asking her if she got the money.


Poorly designed graffiti reads: You’re now leaving DON’T of Rosewood

Shana, who has been attacked and left unconscious in her car, is like “NOPE I AM OUT” after waking up to see a spraypainted sign saying not to come back to Rosewood. I can’t even blame her. I’d peace out, too.


All of that cash wouldn’t fit in Ali’s wallet anyway, it’s for the best.


I keep photos of all of my estranged friends in my wallet, too.

Ali pulls out the rest of her cash, which isn’t much, looks at a picture of her with Spencer and Emily in their days of yore, and then hops onto a bus.


Yeah but where is she departing FROM?

I’m assuming she’s going to either Chicago or Philadelphia that late, considering the bus schedule.


Ali’s on a BUS did you hear that Ali got on a BUS guess how Ali is travelling yeah it’s by BUS

I felt really bad for Ali during this part, I’ll confess. She’s panicked. She’s really got nowhere else to go.


All signs point to SUPER CREEP

In an A lair (I say “an” because it doesn’t appear to be Ezra’s cabin lair), we see Jason’s (or Ali’s, supposedly) pictures of Aria, a black and white movie (can anyone tell what it is?).


‘memba him? The inappropriate British one who wants to date ALL the womens?

We also see a whole bunch of prescription pads from one Dr. Wren Kingston, which I think will be backfiring on Spencer pretty soon.

What did we learn?:

– Spencer has a prescription for ADHD drugs on file at the school nurse. This seems like it may be important. Will Ezra drug her like A did with Emily’s steroid cream thing?

– Ali is getting on a bus to an unknown destination with no money.

– Ezra is being helped by someone with a nice camera.

– Ezra’s lair is in the Murderville cabin.

– A has Wren’s prescription pads.


And I think we can all agree that we have basically ten million more questions. Next week looks like we’ll have a 1940s Noir thing going on?

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Hansen is the former DIY & Food Editor of and likes to spend most days making and cooking and writing. She teaches creative writing at Colorado State University and is pursuing a Masters of Fine Arts in her free time.

Hansen has written 189 articles for us.


  1. Pretty funny Hansen. However, you seem pretty disinterested and you gloss over scenes quite a lot. The scene with Emily and Shana in Emily’s room deserved more analysis for instance.

    • Okay, go for it. What’d you think of that scene?

      I’m not claiming to be an expert in all things PLL — if you think something is worth talking about, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

      • It just was a scene about Shana getting with Paige and testing Emily. Fairly important information to understanding the show.

  2. nice recap! i think the note about adhd meds was from the call spencer made to the school pretending to be her mom? that happened, right? i didn’t make that up? and i think ezra is gonna get her in trouble about the lie or something…
    it would be weird if she had that extreme of a response to adderall and needed to go to such sketch lengths to get it if she really used it everyday/was prescribed, no?

    • Oh you’re right! I had assumed she was calling a doctor’s office, but this makes perfect sense!

  3. Great recap.

    I have to say, I like the guidance counselor guy, but I think he’s up to something. Not unlike everyone else. Maybe’s he actually Jason and he’s just had extensive plastic surgery after falling down that elevator shaft and escaping his hospital room?

    I’m enjoying this half of the season much more than the first, despite the ridiculous lack of Paige McCullers.

  4. When is Lizz coming back!? Not that I don’t love your recaps, Hansen (I’m laughing over “spencer in grad school” right now) but I keep wondering about Lizz’s take on all of this.

    Damn. Who knew I could get this invested in recaps of a show I don’t even watch? ;)

  5. That was the most dramatic/creepy scene involving chickpeas that i have ever seen…

    also, who would drive an hour away for a can of chickpeas?

  6. So the boxes of evidence in your trunk seems totally normal to me. A couple weeks ago I totally put a cardboard box marked “Evidence” in the back of my boss’s car. But then again, I work at a State’s Attorney’s Office and my boss is a prosecutor so…

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